when people tell us something we don’t
want to hear our first reaction is
they’re wrong and they’re confused
sometimes it’s hard to look in that
mirror and say you know what maybe I’m
wrong you know you’re you ever go online
you’re going to look up something take
three minutes three hours later you’re
still in line you don’t know why you
want to line the first place the Great
Western disease is I will be happy when
when I get the money the status the BMW
the condominium when I get this I will
be happy he’s an American leadership
coach and author of several management
related books he’s been recognized as
one of the top leadership thinkers in
the world he’s the author of 35 books
which have sold over 2 million copies
worldwide
he’s Marshall Goldsmith and here’s my
take on his top 10 rules for success
rule number 3 is my personal favorite I
make sure to stick around all the way to
the end for some special bonus clips and
as always if Marshall says something
that really resonates with you leave it
in the comments below as he’s saying it
and put quotes around it so other people
can be inspired as well
you
it’s very easy to see what we don’t like
about ourselves in other people it’s a
little harder to see what we don’t like
about ourselves in the mirror and
sometimes other people can see things in
us that we don’t want to see in
ourselves and when that happens our
first reaction is you’re wrong you’re
confused what people tell us something
we don’t want to hear our first reaction
is they’re wrong and they’re confused
sometimes it’s hard to look in that
mirror and say you know what maybe I’m
wrong and maybe I’m confused
what did I learn sometimes other people
can see some of us we can’t see in
ourselves and our first reaction is
they’re confused a great challenge learn
to listen to other people hear what they
have to say and recognize sometimes they
can see something in us that we don’t
want to see in ourselves
we have something called the monkey mind
our monkey mind is our mind is in many
ways like a monkey swinging through the
vines in the jungle you know thinking
maintaining meaning going from this
thing to thing and the Internet provides
amphetamines for the monkey mind you
know you’re you ever go online you’re
going to look up something’s going to
take three minutes
three hours later you’re still in line
you don’t know why you want to line the
first place monkey mind me me me me me
me me me it’s very hard to kind of calm
down the monkey mind do you have
concrete techniques for calming the
monkey mind yeah the more you measure
things the less likely you are to have
this happen and also the more we admit
we need help in structure when you get
over that macho I can do everything on
my own nonsense life is better so if you
know look I’m going to go online let’s
look at my history here I’m going to set
the alarm clock off so in five minutes
this alarm clock is going to go off and
I’m not going to be online anymore you
know you might say that sounds childish
well if you don’t do it guess what
Shh the Great Western disease is I will
be happy when when I get the money the
status the BMW the condominium when I
get
this I will be happy well this is the
Great Western message and it’s supported
by what I call the Great Western art
form now what is the right Western art
form this is something you’ve seen in
your life probably hundreds of thousands
perhaps millions of times it’s always
the same story the story sounds like
this there is a person person is sad
they spend money to buy product and they
become happy this is called the
commercial have you ever seen one of
those before the message is always the
same it’s not in here it’s out there I
will be happy when the reality is
lottery winners have been studied to
death and when someone wins the lottery
within three years statistically they’re
not much happier than they were to start
with what’s been learned as happiness
doesn’t come from the outside most of
happiness comes from the inside well the
great employee engagement myth is the
employees will be engaged win when we
give them this program when we do this
process they will be engaged win well
that’s partially true I mean better
leaders lead to more engagement and
better recognition leads to more
engagement the reality is also though a
lot of employee engagement doesn’t come
from the outside a lot of employee
engagement comes from the inside and one
of the things that I’m going to talk
about is how do you create an
environment where people take
responsibility for their own engagement
and instead of focusing on I will be
engaged when the company does something
for me take responsibility for their own
engagement and say I can engage myself
flying less do more we spend an
inordinate amount of time in life
whining typically whining about
decision-makers whining about decisions
I’m going to talk about five of my
favorite wines and then we’ll talk about
how many times you’ve heard these and
then look in the mirror and say how many
times have I done it myself that first
wine is called it’s not
fair it’s not fair the decision-maker
makes the decision we conclude it’s not
fair
decisions have nothing to do with
fairness every decision is made by the
person who has a power to make the
decision not a fair person right person
or logical person it’s made by that
person the decision-maker is the
customer and our job is to influence the
decision-maker not to just judge other
people as Peter Drucker said our job in
life is to make a positive difference
not prove we’re right well it’s not fair
the kid comes home from school daddy
mommy I got a C on my report card I
should have gotten an A it’s not fair a
great learning experience for the child
decisions aren’t made based on fairness
you did not sell the teacher the teacher
was the decision-maker the teacher
thought you should have given a C you
thought you should made an A well you’re
doing grade your own paper the teacher
graded the paper you got to see there’s
always a teacher there’s always a boss
there’s always a customer there’s always
somebody and it’s never really fair
another common wine is it’s not smart
yeah they’re doing that and they think
it’s fair but it’s not smart I have a
much better idea in the world would be
better if they did it my way well
sometimes the world doesn’t ask us how
we want to do things and we’ve got to do
things that others do it and maybe their
definition of smart is a little bit
different than then our definition of
smart and a favorite among engineers
that’s related to these two is it’s not
logical people with technical background
scientists engineers constantly look for
logic where none exists and then we’re
shocked because we can’t find it now I
have a degree in mathematical economics
I went to an engineering school so I
include myself in this category too much
of my life has been wasted looking for
logic where none exists and being
shocked when I can’t find it well
decisions are not always made based on
logic oftentimes crazy people make
decisions and it’s not logical sometimes
we say well they think it’s logical and
they’re they try to be fair it’s just
the
wrong decision they mean well it’s just
not right it’s not right well again we
don’t get to necessarily as we wander
through life decide what is or isn’t
right in our definition of right what
might not be somebody else’s another big
favorite is it’s not their job it’s my
job it’s not their job it’s my job
leave it or not I see this with a lot of
CEOs I coach shockingly I worked with a
CEO of a private equity firm private
equity they own the company I was hired
by the owners you know what he said they
can’t tell me what to do it’s not their
job I’m the CEO shockingly you’d be
surprised how many people become
brain-dead when they become CEOs I’m the
CEO they can’t tell me what to do I had
to sit down and say they own the company
it’s their money they can indeed tell
you what to do you see you work for them
they do not work for you
I had another CEO at the same problem in
a publicly traded company with his board
I had to sit down and say excuse me the
Board of Directors rightly or wrongly
represents the ownership of the company
the board does not report to you you
actually report to the board now
fortunately in most cases as a coach
I’ve been successful I’ve had a failure
I had a failure where a person never
really quite got it now as we look at
decision making realize one thing our
job is to make a positive difference not
to go through life critiquing everybody
else with our infinite wisdom and
whining and again some of the favorite
wines we’ve talked about it’s not right
it’s not fair it’s not smart it’s not
logical it’s not their job
we can go through life doing this all we
want to what are we accomplishing
nothing simple guideline for life do
more wine less take all the effort you
might have spent on whining and
complaining about other people and focus
on making a positive difference
try to influence those other people
don’t waste so much time judging
critiquing and whining so now I’m
working with my daughter Kelly she’s a
professor at the Kellogg School of
northwestern marketing professor
she taught me this thing called active
questions which I’m going to recommend
to all your viewers active questions
that all started with did I do my best
to because that’s the one thing we have
total control over did I do my best I
can’t blame you if I didn’t do my best
back to accountability that’s something
you can’t hide from right so the six I
recommend every day and there I do this
daily question process every day these
are now my first six number one did I do
my best to set clear goals red sign did
somebody else set goals for me too I do
my best to set my own goals too did I do
my best to make progress toward
achieving my goals
number three did I do my best to find
meaning rather than saying did somebody
else give me meaning or create meaning
did I do my best to create meaning
myself number four did I do my best to
be happy rather than did somebody else
make me happy did I do my best to make
myself happy then number five did I do
my best to build positive relationships
and then finally did I do my best to be
fully engaged every day challenge
yourself for those six questions great
process a great process and we have
research on this from thousands of
people if any of the viewers want to
participate in the research send me an
email Marshall with two L’s at Marshall
Goldsmith come I’ll sign them up for it
research is amazing
46% of the people say get better to
everything ten days later
seventy-five percent said I got better
at four out of six ninety I think four
percent said I got better at least one 6
percent stayed the same and zero point
something percent get worse just amazing
why every day this gets me to focus not
on what I cannot change gets me to focus
on what I can change my favorite advice
imagine you’re 95 everyone look up here
take a deep breath and do your hand like
this go ahh and Hannah imagine you’re 95
and you’re just getting ready to die and
you’re on that deathbed here comes your
last breath right before you take that
breath you’re given a beautiful gift the
ability to go back in time and talk to
the person in this room the ability to
help this person be a better leader more
important the ability
to help this person have a better life
what advice would the wise 95 year old
you who knows what mattered in life and
what didn’t have for the you that’s
sitting here right now you don’t have to
say anything or do anything just answer
that question in your mind whatever
you’re thinking now do that terms a
performance appraisal that’s the only
ones going to matter some friends of
mine interviewed old folks who are dying
and asking this question what advice
would you have on the personal side
three themes theme number one three
words be happy now not next week not
next year not next month be happy now
Great Western disease I’ll be happy when
when I get the money the status the BMW
we all have the same when that’ll person
is when learning point from old people I
got so wrapped up chasing what I did not
have I could not see what I did have and
I had everything people in this room
many of you are among the luckiest
humans who ever lived many of you have
friends and family and health and you’re
doing fun work and you’re helping people
you got it all don’t get so wrapped
chasing what you don’t have you can’t
see it learning point number two and
this is point President Clinton made
friends and family when you’re 95 years
old and you look around that the
deathbed none of your co-workers are
waving goodbye you realize these people
are kind of important and learning point
three if you have a dream go for it
because if you don’t go for it when
you’re 35 you may not when you’re 45 and
you probably won’t when you’re 85 and
doesn’t have to be a big one maybe
little one go to New Zealand speak
Spanish play a guitar other people think
your dream is goofy who cares it’s not
their dream it’s yours it’s not their
life it’s your life one of the greatest
thinkers in the history of leadership
development is a hero of mine a man
named dr. Warren Bennis and Warren
Bennis is a wonderful guy guys helped me
have a better life and someone I’ve
always looked up to Warren told the
story once I I’ll always remember for a
while he was president of the University
of Cincinnati and he’s not sure he
wanted to be President for all the right
reasons he was president he was given a
talk in front of a group of people and
when gentleman raised his hand and he
said dr. Bennis
do you love what you do do you love
being president and Warren said he
stopped and there was almost a minute of
silence eventually he looked at this
person and said I don’t know that moment
kind of changed his career he realized
maybe he wasn’t being the president for
the right reasons things like status ego
feeling important
maybe those kicked in over things like
doing what I love doing and doing what’s
in my heart well I thought a lot about
Warren Bennis example do you love what
you do in the old days if you didn’t
love what you do it wasn’t so bad for
example in 1979 IBM was my biggest
customer IBM was the most admired
company in the world
they were the guide company in 1979 I
could go to our mock New York shoot a
cannon ball down the hall at five
o’clock and hit almost nobody these
people were 35 40 hours a week and they
took five weeks of real vacation I
recently talked to the chief Learning
Officer at IBM I said about those same
people in that same building now work 60
hours a week
he said wrong 70 hours a week and by the
way there’s almost no real vacation when
you take the cell phone with you when
you take the computer with you when you
go on that vacation you’re constantly
wired in there’s almost no real vacation
very important point for young people
today very important point if you can
work 35 or 40 hours a week and take five
weeks of real vacation and you don’t
love what you do it’s not so bad it’s
not so bad
kinda like a half time job anyway if
you’re working 70 hours a week and you
get no week’s real vacation you do not
love what you do you’re living in a bad
place called New Age professional hell
and too many people are living there
today very important challenge for
people at all ages especially young
people realize you’re probably going to
have to commit to your job realize
you’re probably going to be working many
hours realize your occupation is going
to be a large part of your
life go back to that great question do
you love what you do and to the degree
you can answer that question yes you’re
probably going to be a winner in the
game of life to the grey you answer that
question no you’re going to have some
problems a classic problem of smart
successful people adding too much value
what does this mean I am young smart
enthusiastic I report to you I come to
you with an idea you think it’s a great
idea rather than saying great idea our
tendency is to say that’s a nice idea
why don’t you add this to it the quality
of the idea may now go up 5% my
commitment to its execution may now go
down 50% it’s no longer my idea
incredibly hard for smart successful
people not to constantly go through life
adding value have any of you been
trained as scientists or engineers
before oh this is a particularly bad
disease for this group okay we get so
wrapped up on improving the quality 5%
we may damage the commitment by 50% and
by the way most the time we’re adding
too much value what are we really doing
telling the world how smart we are it’s
incredibly hard for smart successful
people not to constantly go through life
telling the world how smart we are does
anyone in the room have a PhD yes a
particular disease for people with a PhD
right yeah telling the world how smart
we are I have done programs myself
called creating a great rest of your
life in this very room with the many
CEOs my friend Alan Mulally CEO Ford has
been in this room Mike Duke CEO Walmart
has been in this room many many top
leaders have been in this room and we’ve
talked about what are you going to do
now these are typically people my age
older people and 60s maybe early 70s and
talking about what are you going to do
with the rest of your life and really
what I’ve learned is the concept of
playing crappy golf with old men at the
Country Club while eating chicken salad
sandwiches and discussing gallbladder
surgery may not be quite as wonderful as
it sounds especially if you’ve had a
meaningful life and we talk about what
is what matters in life really what
matters and
we’ve come up with a couple of things
one is you have to be happy what you’re
doing you love the process of what
you’re doing you want to be a victim or
a martyr and he also I need to find
meaning you can’t just go on cruises and
play bad golf you have to do something
that matters in life and so I think it
is very important at every stage of life
we go back and look at what’s important
what matters and what do I want to be we
spend so little time thinking about this
one of my good coaching clients was
going to retire in six months he was a
CEO of a huge company and I said if you
need the company we’re going to change
in six months totally different
customers everything would you plan for
it he said of course I would have a
responsible person on the CEO so your
life is going to change in six months
totally change everything’s going to be
different how much time we’ve been
planning for that and we said no big
mistake
okay big big mistake so I think it’s
very important as we go to various
stages of life to reflect and think back
what matters in life what’s important
and I don’t feel any of us are too young
or old to kind of begin this process
creating a new identity how can we
become someone different how can we
create a new identity now the final
element of identity if you look at our
model is called our created identity
that’s that new person that we can
create that’s the future that we create
for ourselves and in looking at this
element of identity when to give you an
example from a famous rock star one
night I had the opportunity of having
dinner with the famous rock and roll
star Bono and I didn’t know any of his
music too much because it was recorded
after 1975 we had a wonderful dinner
though and he talked about not his music
he talked about a lot about his identity
and the first part of his identity was
kind of regular guy not pompous or
pretentious very much a regular person
and you know he impressed me as being
very much a regular guy didn’t put on
airs just seemed to be a real real
person
he’s the F word about every third word
when we were talking and he’s a nice man
he apologized he said you know syrup
probably shouldn’t use such bad language
around you I said excuse me I’m from
Bali station
yeah I thought the f-word was the
adjective that proceeded all bounds so I
said this really doesn’t bother me that
much well after a regular guy the next
part of his identity was rock-and-roll
fan he’s still a fan of music and he
talked about the group’s he loved and
how they influenced his life then it
became a musician he’s still a musician
he talked about how he loved making
music and not just for money how he had
times with his family and they’d all
sing and make music together and how
much he enjoyed that then he became a
rock star and he talked about what it’s
like to be a rock star and he wasn’t
bragging or showing off that’s who he is
he’s a rock star he talked about the
pluses and minuses of that life and now
his humanitarian he is devoting a whole
lot of his life to trying to help others
and he made an interesting point
not so easy everybody didn’t support him
in trying to be a humanitarian some
people were more into like who is this
guy shallow is plastic some rock star
what’s he trying to be some kind of
humanitarian and to his credit you know
what he said to himself forget that if I
want to help people I shouldn’t have to
apologize and be ashamed of it and he is
devoting a huge amount of his life right
now to helping others well to me
god bless him he has created a new
identity for himself without being a
hypocrite and without being a phony
final point for you challenge yourself
think about what is my identity now
second where did that identity come from
my memories feedback from others
programming what is a new person I want
to create how can I create a new
identity a different person a better
person a person who’s not the same as a
person who’s there now without being a
hypocrite without being a phony creating
a better me
thank you guys so much for watching I
made this video because Jeff Davis asked
me to so if there’s a famous
entrepreneur that you want me to profile
next leaving the couch below and I’ll
see what I can do I also love to know
what of the rules had the biggest impact
on you what did Marshall say that really
resonated with you what’s a single
biggest lesson that you took from this
video leave it in the comments below and
I’m gonna join in the discussion so
thank you guys so much for watching
I believe in you I hope you continue to
believe in yourself and whatever your
one word is much love I’ll see you soon
the first disease of successful people I
can see running rampant in this room
what is this problem called winning too
much now what does that mean if it is
important we want to win meaningful we
want to win critical we want to win
trivial we want to win not worth it we
want to win anyway we like winning I’m
going to give you a case study that 75%
of my successful clients fail yes I will
predict most of you will fail this case
study and when I say fail they fail
themselves they say what I would do is
the opposite of what I know I should do
are you ready you want to go to dinner
at restaurant X your husband and wife
partner friend or significant other
wants to go to dinner at restaurant Y
you have heated argument you go to
restaurant Y this was not your choice
the food tastes awful the service is
terrible option a critique the food
point out our partner was wrong this
mistake could have been avoided if only
they would have listened to me me me me
me option B shut up eat the stupid food
try to enjoy it and have a nice evening
what would I do what should I do
75% of my clients what would i do
critique the food what should I do
shut up how many people in the room have
ever critiqued the food before raise
your hands food critique er yes a room
filled with food critique was this a
smart thing or a stupid thing stupid
and as stupid as it was yes it was
stupid I’m going to give you an example
now that is so hideously stupid it will
make that one pale by comparison and yes
I will predict that most of you have
done this are you ready
you have a hard day at work a hard day
you come home your husband wife friend
or partner is there the other person
says I had such a hard day today I had
such a tough day and we reply you had a
hard day you had a hard day do you have
any idea what I had to put up with today
do you think you had a hard day we are
so competitive we have to prove we are
more miserable than a person lives with
us I give this example in one class the
guy to back raised his hand he said I
did that last week I asked him I said
what happened he said my wife looked at
me she said honey you just think you
have had a hard day it’s not over I’d
like to give you two examples of the
value of help structure and direction a
very positive example and a negative
example first the negative dr. Atul
Gawande from Harvard Medical School
wrote a great book called the checklist
manifesto in his book dr. Guan D shares
some pre sobering research if you go in
for a surgery and the nurse has a doctor
or series of very simple questions from
a checklist before the surgery the
odds-on unneeded infection plummet and
the death rate because a necessary
infection is dramatically reduced the
huge majority of hospitals around the
world do not allow the nurse to ask the
doctor the questions why doesn’t the
doctor want the nurse asking them those
questions from the checklist ego the
doctor is too proud to admit they need
that help too proud to get that day
today today structure and they let their
ego and pride become more important than
their patients according to dr. Guan D
more people have died because of the
egos of surgeons and died in the Vietnam
War the Afghan war and the Iraqi war
mind what is the first question the
nurse asks the doctor did you wash our
hands did you wash your hands too much
ego that’s the negative case study now
the positive case study every year I
train the Admirals for nine years in the
United States Navy and I love working
with the Navy I I don’t build them any
money because they’re billing
bureaucracy is such a phenomenal pain in
the butt I said we’ll both make more
money if you pay me nothing
don’t pay me they give me treats a few
years ago my treat day in a nuclear
submarine me and eight other old men got
to go out on a nuclear sub diving down
under the waters for eight hours and
pretending to torpedo things ah we had a
great old time a couple years later I
got an even better treat we’re not a it
to go highway to the dangerzone have you
seen that movie Top Gun I got to spend
95 minutes on a United States Navy Top
Gun fighter jet six G’s oxygen flying
upside-down doing tricks got to fly the
plane myself for 10 minutes and I am
very proud to say I did not throw up now
before I got on the plane I noticed
something
this kid is asking my host ever Mark
Watney a series of simple questions from
checklist
these weren’t tricky questions first
question for the doctor did you wash
your hands first question for the
Admiral is how much fuel they have I
said sir this is puzzling the doctor
don’t like the nurse you asking him the
question because there he goes too big
now I said no offense sir nobody in the
world has a much bigger ego than a
United States Navy Top Gun fighter jet
pilot who becomes a Nabal you probably
got one of the biggest egos in the world
yet you do not object to this kid asking
you the questions
I said sir what’s the difference he said
marshal there’s a huge difference if
that operation crashes you die if that
plane crashes I die he said you put a
gun to that surgeon’s head and say this
patient dies haven’t unneeded infection
we’re gonna blow your brains out
probably be asking those questions twice
well how important is ego and how
important is pride every day we make it
more important than our health than our
safety than the people we love once we
get over that ego and pride once we get
over that macho nonsense of I can do it
on my own I don’t need that checklist
I’m above all that stuff once we get
over that ridiculous ego that surgery is
likely to go a lot better that plane
flight is likely to be more successful
and we are more likely to become the
person our lives that we want to become
I’m now going to teach you a process
that takes about two minutes a day costs
absolutely nothing it’s going to help
you get better at almost anything might
be a little skeptical right now two
minutes a day cost nothing help me get
better at almost anything what that
sounds too good to be true I’m going to
make a second prediction half of the
people I teach this to you’re going to
quit doing this within two weeks and you
will not quit doing it because it does
not work you will quit doing it because
it does work you see what I’m going to
teach you next is incredibly easy to
understand it’s just incredibly
difficult to do this is called the daily
question process now how does this work
here’s what I want you to do I want you
to get out an Excel spreadsheet on one
column I want you to write a list of
questions questions that represent what
is most important in your life could be
friends family colleagues every question
must be answered with it yes a no or
number a yes is recorded as one that no
is recorded as a zero or a number
whatever that number is and then seven
boxes across one for every day of the
week Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday
Friday Saturday Sunday fill it out every
day and at the end of the week that
Excel spreadsheet will give you a little
report card I’ve been doing this for
years and let me warn you
that report card at the end of the week
might not be quite as pretty as at
corporate values plaque you got stuck up
there on the wall when you do this every
day you know what you learn very quickly
life is real easy to talk life is real
difficult to live now I’m going to share
some of my daily questions mine are not
intended to be yours the idea of this
exercise is you write your own questions
every day for example what is one of my
questions every day how many times
yesterday did you try to prove that you
were right when it was not worth it I’ve
almost never scored a zero in the whole
life kind of hard fat old professor not
to be right all the time
how many angrier destructive comments
did you make about people yesterday well
if I want to be a good person why am i
stabbing people in the back how many
minutes did you walk how many pushups
did you do how many sit-ups did you do
did you say or do something nice for
your wife did you ser do something nice
for your son for your daughter for your
son-in-law for your grandkids how many
minutes did you write well a friend of
mine Jim wars been doing this for years
and when he began doing it one of his
daily questions was are you currently
updated on your physical examination the
first 90 days he did this he said no
every day for 90 days no no no after 90
days he said this is embarrassing it’s
embarrassing I got to get the dumb exam
or quit asking a question is
embarrassing he got the dumb exam what
the doctors say you have cancer now he’s
going to be fine that was many years ago
the doctor also said had you waited
seven more months you would be dead he
knew he should have got a physical exam
he’s not a stupid man chief Learning
Officer of three multi-billion dollar
companies he knew he should have done it
but he didn’t do it
in my classes I asked people how many of
you have ever put off getting a physical
exam before and told yourself I’m
getting that exam after I go on my
healthy foods diet I’m getting that exam
after I begin my exercise program I’m
pretty much half the class raises their
hand and then I say did you really trick
the doctor with that strategy well I was
teaching at the University of Michigan
this guy raised his hand I said sir did
you trick the doctor with that strategy
he looked Amigos I am the doctor well
why don’t we ask these questions were
afraid of the answers if you have the
courage to write down the behavior
that’s most important in your life and
the discipline to do this every day
you’re going to get a lot better now I
pay a woman named Kate to call me on the
phone every day she called me today
she’s going to call me tomorrow she
called me yesterday she calls me every
day every day she listened to me read
these questions that I wrote and provide
the answers that I wrote every day now
someone asked me why do you pay a woman
to call you on the phone every day don’t
you know the theory about how to change
behavior
I wrote the theory about how to change
behavior that’s why I pay a woman to
call me every day I know how hard this
is I have over 12 million frequent flyer
miles just on American Airlines that’s
an excuse to be a bad father a bad
husband out of shape how many excuses do
I get with the 12 million miles many
excuses excuses don’t help it’s hard for
me it’s hard for you it’s hard for all
of us why do I pay a woman named Kate to
call me on the phone every day Justin
listen to me read questions I wrote and
provide answers I wrote my name is
Marshall Goldsmith and the world’s
top-ranked executive coach I am too
cowardly to do this on my own
and too undisciplined to do this on my
own why do I pay someone to call me on
the phone every day my name is Marshall
Goldsmith I need help and it’s old
now let me help you next steps get out
that Excel spreadsheet write down those
questions every day test yourself if you
have the courage and discipline to do
this on your own every day
knock yourself out do it if you notice
that you’re quitting you make excuses
like I got too busy didn’t have time it
takes two minutes a day you weren’t too
busy I got bored you didn’t get bored
why did you quit it’s hard to face the
reality of our own lives everyday if you
have the courage and discipline to do
this by yourself do it if you do not
have the courage and discipline to do
this by yourself which most of us don’t
like me get somebody else to help you
and get over that shame and pride thing
and say hey I need help it’s okay it’s
okay if you try this you’re going to
find out it will help you get better at
just about anything and it doesn’t take
a lot of time it just takes a lot of
courage
want to hear our first reaction is
they’re wrong and they’re confused
sometimes it’s hard to look in that
mirror and say you know what maybe I’m
wrong you know you’re you ever go online
you’re going to look up something take
three minutes three hours later you’re
still in line you don’t know why you
want to line the first place the Great
Western disease is I will be happy when
when I get the money the status the BMW
the condominium when I get this I will
be happy he’s an American leadership
coach and author of several management
related books he’s been recognized as
one of the top leadership thinkers in
the world he’s the author of 35 books
which have sold over 2 million copies
worldwide
he’s Marshall Goldsmith and here’s my
take on his top 10 rules for success
rule number 3 is my personal favorite I
make sure to stick around all the way to
the end for some special bonus clips and
as always if Marshall says something
that really resonates with you leave it
in the comments below as he’s saying it
and put quotes around it so other people
can be inspired as well
you
it’s very easy to see what we don’t like
about ourselves in other people it’s a
little harder to see what we don’t like
about ourselves in the mirror and
sometimes other people can see things in
us that we don’t want to see in
ourselves and when that happens our
first reaction is you’re wrong you’re
confused what people tell us something
we don’t want to hear our first reaction
is they’re wrong and they’re confused
sometimes it’s hard to look in that
mirror and say you know what maybe I’m
wrong and maybe I’m confused
what did I learn sometimes other people
can see some of us we can’t see in
ourselves and our first reaction is
they’re confused a great challenge learn
to listen to other people hear what they
have to say and recognize sometimes they
can see something in us that we don’t
want to see in ourselves
we have something called the monkey mind
our monkey mind is our mind is in many
ways like a monkey swinging through the
vines in the jungle you know thinking
maintaining meaning going from this
thing to thing and the Internet provides
amphetamines for the monkey mind you
know you’re you ever go online you’re
going to look up something’s going to
take three minutes
three hours later you’re still in line
you don’t know why you want to line the
first place monkey mind me me me me me
me me me it’s very hard to kind of calm
down the monkey mind do you have
concrete techniques for calming the
monkey mind yeah the more you measure
things the less likely you are to have
this happen and also the more we admit
we need help in structure when you get
over that macho I can do everything on
my own nonsense life is better so if you
know look I’m going to go online let’s
look at my history here I’m going to set
the alarm clock off so in five minutes
this alarm clock is going to go off and
I’m not going to be online anymore you
know you might say that sounds childish
well if you don’t do it guess what
Shh the Great Western disease is I will
be happy when when I get the money the
status the BMW the condominium when I
get
this I will be happy well this is the
Great Western message and it’s supported
by what I call the Great Western art
form now what is the right Western art
form this is something you’ve seen in
your life probably hundreds of thousands
perhaps millions of times it’s always
the same story the story sounds like
this there is a person person is sad
they spend money to buy product and they
become happy this is called the
commercial have you ever seen one of
those before the message is always the
same it’s not in here it’s out there I
will be happy when the reality is
lottery winners have been studied to
death and when someone wins the lottery
within three years statistically they’re
not much happier than they were to start
with what’s been learned as happiness
doesn’t come from the outside most of
happiness comes from the inside well the
great employee engagement myth is the
employees will be engaged win when we
give them this program when we do this
process they will be engaged win well
that’s partially true I mean better
leaders lead to more engagement and
better recognition leads to more
engagement the reality is also though a
lot of employee engagement doesn’t come
from the outside a lot of employee
engagement comes from the inside and one
of the things that I’m going to talk
about is how do you create an
environment where people take
responsibility for their own engagement
and instead of focusing on I will be
engaged when the company does something
for me take responsibility for their own
engagement and say I can engage myself
flying less do more we spend an
inordinate amount of time in life
whining typically whining about
decision-makers whining about decisions
I’m going to talk about five of my
favorite wines and then we’ll talk about
how many times you’ve heard these and
then look in the mirror and say how many
times have I done it myself that first
wine is called it’s not
fair it’s not fair the decision-maker
makes the decision we conclude it’s not
fair
decisions have nothing to do with
fairness every decision is made by the
person who has a power to make the
decision not a fair person right person
or logical person it’s made by that
person the decision-maker is the
customer and our job is to influence the
decision-maker not to just judge other
people as Peter Drucker said our job in
life is to make a positive difference
not prove we’re right well it’s not fair
the kid comes home from school daddy
mommy I got a C on my report card I
should have gotten an A it’s not fair a
great learning experience for the child
decisions aren’t made based on fairness
you did not sell the teacher the teacher
was the decision-maker the teacher
thought you should have given a C you
thought you should made an A well you’re
doing grade your own paper the teacher
graded the paper you got to see there’s
always a teacher there’s always a boss
there’s always a customer there’s always
somebody and it’s never really fair
another common wine is it’s not smart
yeah they’re doing that and they think
it’s fair but it’s not smart I have a
much better idea in the world would be
better if they did it my way well
sometimes the world doesn’t ask us how
we want to do things and we’ve got to do
things that others do it and maybe their
definition of smart is a little bit
different than then our definition of
smart and a favorite among engineers
that’s related to these two is it’s not
logical people with technical background
scientists engineers constantly look for
logic where none exists and then we’re
shocked because we can’t find it now I
have a degree in mathematical economics
I went to an engineering school so I
include myself in this category too much
of my life has been wasted looking for
logic where none exists and being
shocked when I can’t find it well
decisions are not always made based on
logic oftentimes crazy people make
decisions and it’s not logical sometimes
we say well they think it’s logical and
they’re they try to be fair it’s just
the
wrong decision they mean well it’s just
not right it’s not right well again we
don’t get to necessarily as we wander
through life decide what is or isn’t
right in our definition of right what
might not be somebody else’s another big
favorite is it’s not their job it’s my
job it’s not their job it’s my job
leave it or not I see this with a lot of
CEOs I coach shockingly I worked with a
CEO of a private equity firm private
equity they own the company I was hired
by the owners you know what he said they
can’t tell me what to do it’s not their
job I’m the CEO shockingly you’d be
surprised how many people become
brain-dead when they become CEOs I’m the
CEO they can’t tell me what to do I had
to sit down and say they own the company
it’s their money they can indeed tell
you what to do you see you work for them
they do not work for you
I had another CEO at the same problem in
a publicly traded company with his board
I had to sit down and say excuse me the
Board of Directors rightly or wrongly
represents the ownership of the company
the board does not report to you you
actually report to the board now
fortunately in most cases as a coach
I’ve been successful I’ve had a failure
I had a failure where a person never
really quite got it now as we look at
decision making realize one thing our
job is to make a positive difference not
to go through life critiquing everybody
else with our infinite wisdom and
whining and again some of the favorite
wines we’ve talked about it’s not right
it’s not fair it’s not smart it’s not
logical it’s not their job
we can go through life doing this all we
want to what are we accomplishing
nothing simple guideline for life do
more wine less take all the effort you
might have spent on whining and
complaining about other people and focus
on making a positive difference
try to influence those other people
don’t waste so much time judging
critiquing and whining so now I’m
working with my daughter Kelly she’s a
professor at the Kellogg School of
northwestern marketing professor
she taught me this thing called active
questions which I’m going to recommend
to all your viewers active questions
that all started with did I do my best
to because that’s the one thing we have
total control over did I do my best I
can’t blame you if I didn’t do my best
back to accountability that’s something
you can’t hide from right so the six I
recommend every day and there I do this
daily question process every day these
are now my first six number one did I do
my best to set clear goals red sign did
somebody else set goals for me too I do
my best to set my own goals too did I do
my best to make progress toward
achieving my goals
number three did I do my best to find
meaning rather than saying did somebody
else give me meaning or create meaning
did I do my best to create meaning
myself number four did I do my best to
be happy rather than did somebody else
make me happy did I do my best to make
myself happy then number five did I do
my best to build positive relationships
and then finally did I do my best to be
fully engaged every day challenge
yourself for those six questions great
process a great process and we have
research on this from thousands of
people if any of the viewers want to
participate in the research send me an
email Marshall with two L’s at Marshall
Goldsmith come I’ll sign them up for it
research is amazing
46% of the people say get better to
everything ten days later
seventy-five percent said I got better
at four out of six ninety I think four
percent said I got better at least one 6
percent stayed the same and zero point
something percent get worse just amazing
why every day this gets me to focus not
on what I cannot change gets me to focus
on what I can change my favorite advice
imagine you’re 95 everyone look up here
take a deep breath and do your hand like
this go ahh and Hannah imagine you’re 95
and you’re just getting ready to die and
you’re on that deathbed here comes your
last breath right before you take that
breath you’re given a beautiful gift the
ability to go back in time and talk to
the person in this room the ability to
help this person be a better leader more
important the ability
to help this person have a better life
what advice would the wise 95 year old
you who knows what mattered in life and
what didn’t have for the you that’s
sitting here right now you don’t have to
say anything or do anything just answer
that question in your mind whatever
you’re thinking now do that terms a
performance appraisal that’s the only
ones going to matter some friends of
mine interviewed old folks who are dying
and asking this question what advice
would you have on the personal side
three themes theme number one three
words be happy now not next week not
next year not next month be happy now
Great Western disease I’ll be happy when
when I get the money the status the BMW
we all have the same when that’ll person
is when learning point from old people I
got so wrapped up chasing what I did not
have I could not see what I did have and
I had everything people in this room
many of you are among the luckiest
humans who ever lived many of you have
friends and family and health and you’re
doing fun work and you’re helping people
you got it all don’t get so wrapped
chasing what you don’t have you can’t
see it learning point number two and
this is point President Clinton made
friends and family when you’re 95 years
old and you look around that the
deathbed none of your co-workers are
waving goodbye you realize these people
are kind of important and learning point
three if you have a dream go for it
because if you don’t go for it when
you’re 35 you may not when you’re 45 and
you probably won’t when you’re 85 and
doesn’t have to be a big one maybe
little one go to New Zealand speak
Spanish play a guitar other people think
your dream is goofy who cares it’s not
their dream it’s yours it’s not their
life it’s your life one of the greatest
thinkers in the history of leadership
development is a hero of mine a man
named dr. Warren Bennis and Warren
Bennis is a wonderful guy guys helped me
have a better life and someone I’ve
always looked up to Warren told the
story once I I’ll always remember for a
while he was president of the University
of Cincinnati and he’s not sure he
wanted to be President for all the right
reasons he was president he was given a
talk in front of a group of people and
when gentleman raised his hand and he
said dr. Bennis
do you love what you do do you love
being president and Warren said he
stopped and there was almost a minute of
silence eventually he looked at this
person and said I don’t know that moment
kind of changed his career he realized
maybe he wasn’t being the president for
the right reasons things like status ego
feeling important
maybe those kicked in over things like
doing what I love doing and doing what’s
in my heart well I thought a lot about
Warren Bennis example do you love what
you do in the old days if you didn’t
love what you do it wasn’t so bad for
example in 1979 IBM was my biggest
customer IBM was the most admired
company in the world
they were the guide company in 1979 I
could go to our mock New York shoot a
cannon ball down the hall at five
o’clock and hit almost nobody these
people were 35 40 hours a week and they
took five weeks of real vacation I
recently talked to the chief Learning
Officer at IBM I said about those same
people in that same building now work 60
hours a week
he said wrong 70 hours a week and by the
way there’s almost no real vacation when
you take the cell phone with you when
you take the computer with you when you
go on that vacation you’re constantly
wired in there’s almost no real vacation
very important point for young people
today very important point if you can
work 35 or 40 hours a week and take five
weeks of real vacation and you don’t
love what you do it’s not so bad it’s
not so bad
kinda like a half time job anyway if
you’re working 70 hours a week and you
get no week’s real vacation you do not
love what you do you’re living in a bad
place called New Age professional hell
and too many people are living there
today very important challenge for
people at all ages especially young
people realize you’re probably going to
have to commit to your job realize
you’re probably going to be working many
hours realize your occupation is going
to be a large part of your
life go back to that great question do
you love what you do and to the degree
you can answer that question yes you’re
probably going to be a winner in the
game of life to the grey you answer that
question no you’re going to have some
problems a classic problem of smart
successful people adding too much value
what does this mean I am young smart
enthusiastic I report to you I come to
you with an idea you think it’s a great
idea rather than saying great idea our
tendency is to say that’s a nice idea
why don’t you add this to it the quality
of the idea may now go up 5% my
commitment to its execution may now go
down 50% it’s no longer my idea
incredibly hard for smart successful
people not to constantly go through life
adding value have any of you been
trained as scientists or engineers
before oh this is a particularly bad
disease for this group okay we get so
wrapped up on improving the quality 5%
we may damage the commitment by 50% and
by the way most the time we’re adding
too much value what are we really doing
telling the world how smart we are it’s
incredibly hard for smart successful
people not to constantly go through life
telling the world how smart we are does
anyone in the room have a PhD yes a
particular disease for people with a PhD
right yeah telling the world how smart
we are I have done programs myself
called creating a great rest of your
life in this very room with the many
CEOs my friend Alan Mulally CEO Ford has
been in this room Mike Duke CEO Walmart
has been in this room many many top
leaders have been in this room and we’ve
talked about what are you going to do
now these are typically people my age
older people and 60s maybe early 70s and
talking about what are you going to do
with the rest of your life and really
what I’ve learned is the concept of
playing crappy golf with old men at the
Country Club while eating chicken salad
sandwiches and discussing gallbladder
surgery may not be quite as wonderful as
it sounds especially if you’ve had a
meaningful life and we talk about what
is what matters in life really what
matters and
we’ve come up with a couple of things
one is you have to be happy what you’re
doing you love the process of what
you’re doing you want to be a victim or
a martyr and he also I need to find
meaning you can’t just go on cruises and
play bad golf you have to do something
that matters in life and so I think it
is very important at every stage of life
we go back and look at what’s important
what matters and what do I want to be we
spend so little time thinking about this
one of my good coaching clients was
going to retire in six months he was a
CEO of a huge company and I said if you
need the company we’re going to change
in six months totally different
customers everything would you plan for
it he said of course I would have a
responsible person on the CEO so your
life is going to change in six months
totally change everything’s going to be
different how much time we’ve been
planning for that and we said no big
mistake
okay big big mistake so I think it’s
very important as we go to various
stages of life to reflect and think back
what matters in life what’s important
and I don’t feel any of us are too young
or old to kind of begin this process
creating a new identity how can we
become someone different how can we
create a new identity now the final
element of identity if you look at our
model is called our created identity
that’s that new person that we can
create that’s the future that we create
for ourselves and in looking at this
element of identity when to give you an
example from a famous rock star one
night I had the opportunity of having
dinner with the famous rock and roll
star Bono and I didn’t know any of his
music too much because it was recorded
after 1975 we had a wonderful dinner
though and he talked about not his music
he talked about a lot about his identity
and the first part of his identity was
kind of regular guy not pompous or
pretentious very much a regular person
and you know he impressed me as being
very much a regular guy didn’t put on
airs just seemed to be a real real
person
he’s the F word about every third word
when we were talking and he’s a nice man
he apologized he said you know syrup
probably shouldn’t use such bad language
around you I said excuse me I’m from
Bali station
yeah I thought the f-word was the
adjective that proceeded all bounds so I
said this really doesn’t bother me that
much well after a regular guy the next
part of his identity was rock-and-roll
fan he’s still a fan of music and he
talked about the group’s he loved and
how they influenced his life then it
became a musician he’s still a musician
he talked about how he loved making
music and not just for money how he had
times with his family and they’d all
sing and make music together and how
much he enjoyed that then he became a
rock star and he talked about what it’s
like to be a rock star and he wasn’t
bragging or showing off that’s who he is
he’s a rock star he talked about the
pluses and minuses of that life and now
his humanitarian he is devoting a whole
lot of his life to trying to help others
and he made an interesting point
not so easy everybody didn’t support him
in trying to be a humanitarian some
people were more into like who is this
guy shallow is plastic some rock star
what’s he trying to be some kind of
humanitarian and to his credit you know
what he said to himself forget that if I
want to help people I shouldn’t have to
apologize and be ashamed of it and he is
devoting a huge amount of his life right
now to helping others well to me
god bless him he has created a new
identity for himself without being a
hypocrite and without being a phony
final point for you challenge yourself
think about what is my identity now
second where did that identity come from
my memories feedback from others
programming what is a new person I want
to create how can I create a new
identity a different person a better
person a person who’s not the same as a
person who’s there now without being a
hypocrite without being a phony creating
a better me
thank you guys so much for watching I
made this video because Jeff Davis asked
me to so if there’s a famous
entrepreneur that you want me to profile
next leaving the couch below and I’ll
see what I can do I also love to know
what of the rules had the biggest impact
on you what did Marshall say that really
resonated with you what’s a single
biggest lesson that you took from this
video leave it in the comments below and
I’m gonna join in the discussion so
thank you guys so much for watching
I believe in you I hope you continue to
believe in yourself and whatever your
one word is much love I’ll see you soon
the first disease of successful people I
can see running rampant in this room
what is this problem called winning too
much now what does that mean if it is
important we want to win meaningful we
want to win critical we want to win
trivial we want to win not worth it we
want to win anyway we like winning I’m
going to give you a case study that 75%
of my successful clients fail yes I will
predict most of you will fail this case
study and when I say fail they fail
themselves they say what I would do is
the opposite of what I know I should do
are you ready you want to go to dinner
at restaurant X your husband and wife
partner friend or significant other
wants to go to dinner at restaurant Y
you have heated argument you go to
restaurant Y this was not your choice
the food tastes awful the service is
terrible option a critique the food
point out our partner was wrong this
mistake could have been avoided if only
they would have listened to me me me me
me option B shut up eat the stupid food
try to enjoy it and have a nice evening
what would I do what should I do
75% of my clients what would i do
critique the food what should I do
shut up how many people in the room have
ever critiqued the food before raise
your hands food critique er yes a room
filled with food critique was this a
smart thing or a stupid thing stupid
and as stupid as it was yes it was
stupid I’m going to give you an example
now that is so hideously stupid it will
make that one pale by comparison and yes
I will predict that most of you have
done this are you ready
you have a hard day at work a hard day
you come home your husband wife friend
or partner is there the other person
says I had such a hard day today I had
such a tough day and we reply you had a
hard day you had a hard day do you have
any idea what I had to put up with today
do you think you had a hard day we are
so competitive we have to prove we are
more miserable than a person lives with
us I give this example in one class the
guy to back raised his hand he said I
did that last week I asked him I said
what happened he said my wife looked at
me she said honey you just think you
have had a hard day it’s not over I’d
like to give you two examples of the
value of help structure and direction a
very positive example and a negative
example first the negative dr. Atul
Gawande from Harvard Medical School
wrote a great book called the checklist
manifesto in his book dr. Guan D shares
some pre sobering research if you go in
for a surgery and the nurse has a doctor
or series of very simple questions from
a checklist before the surgery the
odds-on unneeded infection plummet and
the death rate because a necessary
infection is dramatically reduced the
huge majority of hospitals around the
world do not allow the nurse to ask the
doctor the questions why doesn’t the
doctor want the nurse asking them those
questions from the checklist ego the
doctor is too proud to admit they need
that help too proud to get that day
today today structure and they let their
ego and pride become more important than
their patients according to dr. Guan D
more people have died because of the
egos of surgeons and died in the Vietnam
War the Afghan war and the Iraqi war
mind what is the first question the
nurse asks the doctor did you wash our
hands did you wash your hands too much
ego that’s the negative case study now
the positive case study every year I
train the Admirals for nine years in the
United States Navy and I love working
with the Navy I I don’t build them any
money because they’re billing
bureaucracy is such a phenomenal pain in
the butt I said we’ll both make more
money if you pay me nothing
don’t pay me they give me treats a few
years ago my treat day in a nuclear
submarine me and eight other old men got
to go out on a nuclear sub diving down
under the waters for eight hours and
pretending to torpedo things ah we had a
great old time a couple years later I
got an even better treat we’re not a it
to go highway to the dangerzone have you
seen that movie Top Gun I got to spend
95 minutes on a United States Navy Top
Gun fighter jet six G’s oxygen flying
upside-down doing tricks got to fly the
plane myself for 10 minutes and I am
very proud to say I did not throw up now
before I got on the plane I noticed
something
this kid is asking my host ever Mark
Watney a series of simple questions from
checklist
these weren’t tricky questions first
question for the doctor did you wash
your hands first question for the
Admiral is how much fuel they have I
said sir this is puzzling the doctor
don’t like the nurse you asking him the
question because there he goes too big
now I said no offense sir nobody in the
world has a much bigger ego than a
United States Navy Top Gun fighter jet
pilot who becomes a Nabal you probably
got one of the biggest egos in the world
yet you do not object to this kid asking
you the questions
I said sir what’s the difference he said
marshal there’s a huge difference if
that operation crashes you die if that
plane crashes I die he said you put a
gun to that surgeon’s head and say this
patient dies haven’t unneeded infection
we’re gonna blow your brains out
probably be asking those questions twice
well how important is ego and how
important is pride every day we make it
more important than our health than our
safety than the people we love once we
get over that ego and pride once we get
over that macho nonsense of I can do it
on my own I don’t need that checklist
I’m above all that stuff once we get
over that ridiculous ego that surgery is
likely to go a lot better that plane
flight is likely to be more successful
and we are more likely to become the
person our lives that we want to become
I’m now going to teach you a process
that takes about two minutes a day costs
absolutely nothing it’s going to help
you get better at almost anything might
be a little skeptical right now two
minutes a day cost nothing help me get
better at almost anything what that
sounds too good to be true I’m going to
make a second prediction half of the
people I teach this to you’re going to
quit doing this within two weeks and you
will not quit doing it because it does
not work you will quit doing it because
it does work you see what I’m going to
teach you next is incredibly easy to
understand it’s just incredibly
difficult to do this is called the daily
question process now how does this work
here’s what I want you to do I want you
to get out an Excel spreadsheet on one
column I want you to write a list of
questions questions that represent what
is most important in your life could be
friends family colleagues every question
must be answered with it yes a no or
number a yes is recorded as one that no
is recorded as a zero or a number
whatever that number is and then seven
boxes across one for every day of the
week Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday
Friday Saturday Sunday fill it out every
day and at the end of the week that
Excel spreadsheet will give you a little
report card I’ve been doing this for
years and let me warn you
that report card at the end of the week
might not be quite as pretty as at
corporate values plaque you got stuck up
there on the wall when you do this every
day you know what you learn very quickly
life is real easy to talk life is real
difficult to live now I’m going to share
some of my daily questions mine are not
intended to be yours the idea of this
exercise is you write your own questions
every day for example what is one of my
questions every day how many times
yesterday did you try to prove that you
were right when it was not worth it I’ve
almost never scored a zero in the whole
life kind of hard fat old professor not
to be right all the time
how many angrier destructive comments
did you make about people yesterday well
if I want to be a good person why am i
stabbing people in the back how many
minutes did you walk how many pushups
did you do how many sit-ups did you do
did you say or do something nice for
your wife did you ser do something nice
for your son for your daughter for your
son-in-law for your grandkids how many
minutes did you write well a friend of
mine Jim wars been doing this for years
and when he began doing it one of his
daily questions was are you currently
updated on your physical examination the
first 90 days he did this he said no
every day for 90 days no no no after 90
days he said this is embarrassing it’s
embarrassing I got to get the dumb exam
or quit asking a question is
embarrassing he got the dumb exam what
the doctors say you have cancer now he’s
going to be fine that was many years ago
the doctor also said had you waited
seven more months you would be dead he
knew he should have got a physical exam
he’s not a stupid man chief Learning
Officer of three multi-billion dollar
companies he knew he should have done it
but he didn’t do it
in my classes I asked people how many of
you have ever put off getting a physical
exam before and told yourself I’m
getting that exam after I go on my
healthy foods diet I’m getting that exam
after I begin my exercise program I’m
pretty much half the class raises their
hand and then I say did you really trick
the doctor with that strategy well I was
teaching at the University of Michigan
this guy raised his hand I said sir did
you trick the doctor with that strategy
he looked Amigos I am the doctor well
why don’t we ask these questions were
afraid of the answers if you have the
courage to write down the behavior
that’s most important in your life and
the discipline to do this every day
you’re going to get a lot better now I
pay a woman named Kate to call me on the
phone every day she called me today
she’s going to call me tomorrow she
called me yesterday she calls me every
day every day she listened to me read
these questions that I wrote and provide
the answers that I wrote every day now
someone asked me why do you pay a woman
to call you on the phone every day don’t
you know the theory about how to change
behavior
I wrote the theory about how to change
behavior that’s why I pay a woman to
call me every day I know how hard this
is I have over 12 million frequent flyer
miles just on American Airlines that’s
an excuse to be a bad father a bad
husband out of shape how many excuses do
I get with the 12 million miles many
excuses excuses don’t help it’s hard for
me it’s hard for you it’s hard for all
of us why do I pay a woman named Kate to
call me on the phone every day Justin
listen to me read questions I wrote and
provide answers I wrote my name is
Marshall Goldsmith and the world’s
top-ranked executive coach I am too
cowardly to do this on my own
and too undisciplined to do this on my
own why do I pay someone to call me on
the phone every day my name is Marshall
Goldsmith I need help and it’s old
now let me help you next steps get out
that Excel spreadsheet write down those
questions every day test yourself if you
have the courage and discipline to do
this on your own every day
knock yourself out do it if you notice
that you’re quitting you make excuses
like I got too busy didn’t have time it
takes two minutes a day you weren’t too
busy I got bored you didn’t get bored
why did you quit it’s hard to face the
reality of our own lives everyday if you
have the courage and discipline to do
this by yourself do it if you do not
have the courage and discipline to do
this by yourself which most of us don’t
like me get somebody else to help you
and get over that shame and pride thing
and say hey I need help it’s okay it’s
okay if you try this you’re going to
find out it will help you get better at
just about anything and it doesn’t take
a lot of time it just takes a lot of
courage
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