look let’s say you’re socially anxious
okay so what happens when you’re
socially anxious you go to a party your
heart’s beating why the party is a
monster why because it’s judging you and
it’s judging you it’s putting you low
down the dominance hierarchy because
that’s what a negative judgement is and
that interferes with your sexual success
and that means that you’re being harshly
evaluated by nature itself right so you
are confronting that the dragon of chaos
when you go into the social situation
and so what do you do you like this
right you hunched over and that’s low
dominance I’m no threat it’s like well
that’s not gonna get you very far you
know but that’s a logical thing to do
and in the in the face of a tyrant
so our no threat you know you look at
the King and you’re dead I’m no threat
I’m hunched over and then what’s
happening internally how are what are
people thinking about me what are people
thinking about me I’m am I looking
stupid am i looking foolish geez I’m
awkward I hate being here man I’m
sweating too much it’s all internalized
right it’s all self focused the the eye
isn’t work the eye isn’t working what do
you tell people stop don’t stop thinking
about yourself because you can’t it’s
like don’t think of a white elephant
white elephant white elephant white
elephant you can’t tell someone to stop
thinking about something because they
get caught in the loop what you do with
socially anxious people is you say look
at other people look at them right why
because if you look at them you can tell
what they’re thinking and then you
you’re unless you’re unless you’re
terribly socialized and some people are
some people have no social skills and so
the reason they can’t go to a party is
because they don’t even know how to
introduce themselves like they’re just
no one ever taught them how to behave
and so they’re really good candidates
for behavior therapy because you walk
them through the process of how you
actually manifest the procedures that
are associated with social acceptability
but most people aren’t like that they
have the ability so if they’re really
introverted in high in
autism they can usually talk quite well
to someone one-on-one why because they
look at them well if I look at you it’s
another thing to do if you’re ever
speaking to a group of people never
speak to the group of people that
doesn’t exist you talk to individuals
and then they reflect for you the entire
group because they’re all entrained so
you look at one person they broadcast to
you what everyone’s thinking and you
know how to talk to one person so it’s
easy so as soon as you focus on the
person not you you post your attention
outward use your eye you push your
attention outward and you start watching
well then all your automatic mechanisms
kick in and you start being awkward
because if we’re talking and I’m looking
here I don’t know what you’re gonna do
next and I’m gonna put disjunctions into
the like they’re like bad chords in the
melody of our of our conversation and
the reason is I’m not paying attention
so that’s why the eye is the thing at
the top of the pyramid it’s like the
thing that enables you to win the set of
all possible dominance our keys is the
eye
pay attention pay attention that’s the
critical issue that’s why the Egyptians
worshipped Horus that’s why Horus was
the thing that rescued Osiris from the
from the depths it’s the capacity to pay
attention what do you pay attention to
most what your right hemisphere signals
as anomalous it attracts your attention
it’s like this isn’t going quite right
I’m not looking at that wrong that’s
what you look at that’s what you look at
what’s not going right because that’s
see that’s the terrible monster that
might eat you but it’s also the place
you get all the information so that’s
why it’s useful to have discussions with
your enemies because they will tell you
things you do not know and that’s such a
great thing because if you don’t know
them well you’re not very smart are you
you know there may be a time when you go
somewhere this that’s the thing you need
to know and maybe your enemy will tell
you why you’re such a fool you know and
a bunch of other things that aren’t true
too but even one thing that’s accurate
it’s like yeah thanks very much man
maybe I’ll do some work on that and I
won’t have to carry that forward so and
then that’s part of the reason again why
the terrible prayer
it’s always the terrible predator that
has the gold it’s like it’s the person
who delivers the message you do not want
to hear
so it’s rough it’s rough but it doesn’t
matter life is rough to move forward you
know I mean I’ve dealt with lots of
people who have anxiety disorders you
know and one thing about people who have
anxiety disorders is they are not
mysterious to me I understand
it’s it’s no problem for me to
understand why people have anxiety
disorders or why they’re depressed or
why they have substance use problems the
mystery to me is always why people don’t
have all of those things at once because
everybody has a reason to be anxious in
fact we have the ultimate reason to be
anxious because we know that we’re
vulnerable and we know that we’re going
to die and how you cannot be anxious
under those circumstances is a great
mystery it’s a massive mystery and the
same thing applies with regards to
depression and then the same thing
applies to some degree with regards to
drug and alcohol abuse as I said last
week there’s plenty of reasons to drown
your consciousness in alcohol that’s for
sure
we could refer to the aforementioned
anxiety and depression not least and so
and the and the sorts of drugs that
people are prone to take our chemicals
that take the affective edge off the
tragedy of life so so back to back to
the issue of fear I mean Abraham is
self-conscious that’s what this
commentary says but the thing is as he
moves forward despite that he’s
self-conscious and he knows the danger
but he moves forward despite that and
that’s actually the appropriate response
in the face of actual non naive
understanding of what constitutes life
like if you’re naive and you move
forward it’s like well what the hell do
you know you know there’s no courage in
naivety because you don’t know what
there is to stop you you don’t know what
dangers you might apprehend but to be
aware of what it is that your problem is
so to be alert existentially let’s say
or to be fully self conscious means that
you’re perfectly aware of your
limitations and how you might be hurt
and then to make the decision to move
forward into the unknown in the land of
the stranger anyways that’s the I would
say that’s one of the secrets to a good
life and I can say that really without
fear of contradiction I would I would
say because the
literature on this is very very very
clear what you do with people who are
afraid and and to some degree depressed
but certainly anxious is you lay out
what what they’re anxious about first of
all in in detail what is it that you’re
afraid of what might happen and then you
decompose it into small problems
hypothetically manageable problems and
then you have the person expose
themselves to the thing that they’re
afraid of and what happens isn’t that
they get less afraid that isn’t what the
clinical literature indicates exactly
what happens instead is they get braver
and that’s not the same thing right
because if you get less afraid it’s like
well the world isn’t as dangerous as I
thought it was you know silly me if you
get bravery that’s not what happens what
happens is yeah the world damn world’s
just as dangerous as I thought or maybe
if it’s even more dangerous than I
thought but it turns out that there’s
something in me that responds to taking
that on as a voluntary challenge and
grows and thrives as a consequence and
there’s no doubt about this even the
psychophysiological findings are quite
clear if you if you can if you impose a
stressor on two groups of people and on
one group the stressor is imposed
involuntarily and on the other group the
stressor is picked up voluntarily the
people who pick up the stress or
voluntary voluntarily use a whole
different psychophysiological system to
deal with it they use the system that’s
associated with approach and challenge
and not the system that’s associated
with defensive aggression and withdrawal
and the system that is associated with
challenges much more associated with
positive emotion and much less
associated with negative emotion it’s
also much less hard on you because the
the defensive posturing system the prey
animal system man when that thing kicks
in it’s all systems are go for you you
know you’re the gas is pushed down to
the or the pedals push down to the metal
and the brakes are on you’re using
future resources that you could be
storing for future time right now in the
present to ready yourself for emergency
so there’s there’s there’s nothing
simple or trivial at all about the idea
of being called to move forthrightly
forward into the strange and the unknown
and there’s a real adventure that’s
associated with that right so that’s an
exciting thing which is part of the
reason why people travel and then also
to see or sell
as the sort of creature that can do that
is willing to do that on a habitual
basis is also the right kind of tonic
for I hate this word for your
self-esteem you know because the
self-esteem has nothing to do with
feeling good about yourself as I already
mentioned there isn’t necessarily reason
why a priori you should just feel good
about yourself but if you can view
yourself acting in a courageous and
forthright manner and encountering the
world and trying to improve your lot and
and and taking risks you know in a non
naive way well then you have something
that you can comfort yourself with at
night when you’re wondering what the
whole damn point of is of your futile
and miserable life and so and that’s
necessary because it’s often the case
that you wake up at 4:00 in the morning
or at least sometimes the case that you
wake up at 4:00 in the morning when
things haven’t been going that well and
wonder just what the hell the point is
of your futile and miserable life you
have to have something real to set
against that it can’t be just
rationalizations about how you know
you’re a valuable person among others
even though that’s true that’s not good
enough you need something that’s more
realistic to set it against that an
observing courage in yourself is
definitely one of the things that that
that can help you sleep soundly at night
when when things are destabilized a little bit around you
okay so what happens when you’re
socially anxious you go to a party your
heart’s beating why the party is a
monster why because it’s judging you and
it’s judging you it’s putting you low
down the dominance hierarchy because
that’s what a negative judgement is and
that interferes with your sexual success
and that means that you’re being harshly
evaluated by nature itself right so you
are confronting that the dragon of chaos
when you go into the social situation
and so what do you do you like this
right you hunched over and that’s low
dominance I’m no threat it’s like well
that’s not gonna get you very far you
know but that’s a logical thing to do
and in the in the face of a tyrant
so our no threat you know you look at
the King and you’re dead I’m no threat
I’m hunched over and then what’s
happening internally how are what are
people thinking about me what are people
thinking about me I’m am I looking
stupid am i looking foolish geez I’m
awkward I hate being here man I’m
sweating too much it’s all internalized
right it’s all self focused the the eye
isn’t work the eye isn’t working what do
you tell people stop don’t stop thinking
about yourself because you can’t it’s
like don’t think of a white elephant
white elephant white elephant white
elephant you can’t tell someone to stop
thinking about something because they
get caught in the loop what you do with
socially anxious people is you say look
at other people look at them right why
because if you look at them you can tell
what they’re thinking and then you
you’re unless you’re unless you’re
terribly socialized and some people are
some people have no social skills and so
the reason they can’t go to a party is
because they don’t even know how to
introduce themselves like they’re just
no one ever taught them how to behave
and so they’re really good candidates
for behavior therapy because you walk
them through the process of how you
actually manifest the procedures that
are associated with social acceptability
but most people aren’t like that they
have the ability so if they’re really
introverted in high in
autism they can usually talk quite well
to someone one-on-one why because they
look at them well if I look at you it’s
another thing to do if you’re ever
speaking to a group of people never
speak to the group of people that
doesn’t exist you talk to individuals
and then they reflect for you the entire
group because they’re all entrained so
you look at one person they broadcast to
you what everyone’s thinking and you
know how to talk to one person so it’s
easy so as soon as you focus on the
person not you you post your attention
outward use your eye you push your
attention outward and you start watching
well then all your automatic mechanisms
kick in and you start being awkward
because if we’re talking and I’m looking
here I don’t know what you’re gonna do
next and I’m gonna put disjunctions into
the like they’re like bad chords in the
melody of our of our conversation and
the reason is I’m not paying attention
so that’s why the eye is the thing at
the top of the pyramid it’s like the
thing that enables you to win the set of
all possible dominance our keys is the
eye
pay attention pay attention that’s the
critical issue that’s why the Egyptians
worshipped Horus that’s why Horus was
the thing that rescued Osiris from the
from the depths it’s the capacity to pay
attention what do you pay attention to
most what your right hemisphere signals
as anomalous it attracts your attention
it’s like this isn’t going quite right
I’m not looking at that wrong that’s
what you look at that’s what you look at
what’s not going right because that’s
see that’s the terrible monster that
might eat you but it’s also the place
you get all the information so that’s
why it’s useful to have discussions with
your enemies because they will tell you
things you do not know and that’s such a
great thing because if you don’t know
them well you’re not very smart are you
you know there may be a time when you go
somewhere this that’s the thing you need
to know and maybe your enemy will tell
you why you’re such a fool you know and
a bunch of other things that aren’t true
too but even one thing that’s accurate
it’s like yeah thanks very much man
maybe I’ll do some work on that and I
won’t have to carry that forward so and
then that’s part of the reason again why
the terrible prayer
it’s always the terrible predator that
has the gold it’s like it’s the person
who delivers the message you do not want
to hear
so it’s rough it’s rough but it doesn’t
matter life is rough to move forward you
know I mean I’ve dealt with lots of
people who have anxiety disorders you
know and one thing about people who have
anxiety disorders is they are not
mysterious to me I understand
it’s it’s no problem for me to
understand why people have anxiety
disorders or why they’re depressed or
why they have substance use problems the
mystery to me is always why people don’t
have all of those things at once because
everybody has a reason to be anxious in
fact we have the ultimate reason to be
anxious because we know that we’re
vulnerable and we know that we’re going
to die and how you cannot be anxious
under those circumstances is a great
mystery it’s a massive mystery and the
same thing applies with regards to
depression and then the same thing
applies to some degree with regards to
drug and alcohol abuse as I said last
week there’s plenty of reasons to drown
your consciousness in alcohol that’s for
sure
we could refer to the aforementioned
anxiety and depression not least and so
and the and the sorts of drugs that
people are prone to take our chemicals
that take the affective edge off the
tragedy of life so so back to back to
the issue of fear I mean Abraham is
self-conscious that’s what this
commentary says but the thing is as he
moves forward despite that he’s
self-conscious and he knows the danger
but he moves forward despite that and
that’s actually the appropriate response
in the face of actual non naive
understanding of what constitutes life
like if you’re naive and you move
forward it’s like well what the hell do
you know you know there’s no courage in
naivety because you don’t know what
there is to stop you you don’t know what
dangers you might apprehend but to be
aware of what it is that your problem is
so to be alert existentially let’s say
or to be fully self conscious means that
you’re perfectly aware of your
limitations and how you might be hurt
and then to make the decision to move
forward into the unknown in the land of
the stranger anyways that’s the I would
say that’s one of the secrets to a good
life and I can say that really without
fear of contradiction I would I would
say because the
literature on this is very very very
clear what you do with people who are
afraid and and to some degree depressed
but certainly anxious is you lay out
what what they’re anxious about first of
all in in detail what is it that you’re
afraid of what might happen and then you
decompose it into small problems
hypothetically manageable problems and
then you have the person expose
themselves to the thing that they’re
afraid of and what happens isn’t that
they get less afraid that isn’t what the
clinical literature indicates exactly
what happens instead is they get braver
and that’s not the same thing right
because if you get less afraid it’s like
well the world isn’t as dangerous as I
thought it was you know silly me if you
get bravery that’s not what happens what
happens is yeah the world damn world’s
just as dangerous as I thought or maybe
if it’s even more dangerous than I
thought but it turns out that there’s
something in me that responds to taking
that on as a voluntary challenge and
grows and thrives as a consequence and
there’s no doubt about this even the
psychophysiological findings are quite
clear if you if you can if you impose a
stressor on two groups of people and on
one group the stressor is imposed
involuntarily and on the other group the
stressor is picked up voluntarily the
people who pick up the stress or
voluntary voluntarily use a whole
different psychophysiological system to
deal with it they use the system that’s
associated with approach and challenge
and not the system that’s associated
with defensive aggression and withdrawal
and the system that is associated with
challenges much more associated with
positive emotion and much less
associated with negative emotion it’s
also much less hard on you because the
the defensive posturing system the prey
animal system man when that thing kicks
in it’s all systems are go for you you
know you’re the gas is pushed down to
the or the pedals push down to the metal
and the brakes are on you’re using
future resources that you could be
storing for future time right now in the
present to ready yourself for emergency
so there’s there’s there’s nothing
simple or trivial at all about the idea
of being called to move forthrightly
forward into the strange and the unknown
and there’s a real adventure that’s
associated with that right so that’s an
exciting thing which is part of the
reason why people travel and then also
to see or sell
as the sort of creature that can do that
is willing to do that on a habitual
basis is also the right kind of tonic
for I hate this word for your
self-esteem you know because the
self-esteem has nothing to do with
feeling good about yourself as I already
mentioned there isn’t necessarily reason
why a priori you should just feel good
about yourself but if you can view
yourself acting in a courageous and
forthright manner and encountering the
world and trying to improve your lot and
and and taking risks you know in a non
naive way well then you have something
that you can comfort yourself with at
night when you’re wondering what the
whole damn point of is of your futile
and miserable life and so and that’s
necessary because it’s often the case
that you wake up at 4:00 in the morning
or at least sometimes the case that you
wake up at 4:00 in the morning when
things haven’t been going that well and
wonder just what the hell the point is
of your futile and miserable life you
have to have something real to set
against that it can’t be just
rationalizations about how you know
you’re a valuable person among others
even though that’s true that’s not good
enough you need something that’s more
realistic to set it against that an
observing courage in yourself is
definitely one of the things that that
that can help you sleep soundly at night
when when things are destabilized a little bit around you
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