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the next best predictor of lifetime
success is conscientiousness well so and
although of the two aspects of
conscientiousness say orderliness and
and industriousness the better predictor
is industriousness so the question is
well what can you do about your
industriousness and the answer to that
is well that’s kind of rough too because
there’s a strong genetic component but
you can work on micro habits with
regards to your conscientiousness and I
think the best micro habits this is
partly to do with these future authoring
program processes I think the best thing
you can do with regards to your
conscientiousness is to set up some aims
for yourself goals that you actually
value and the future authoring program
helps people do that and basically it
does a situational analysis of it helps
you do a situational analysis of your
life more than a psychological analysis
I would say and so the questions are
something like well alright you’re gonna
have to put some effort into your life
and you need to be motivated to do that
and so what are the potential sources of
motivation well you could think about
them in in the Big Five manner you know
if you’re extroverted you want friends
if you’re agreeable you want an intimate
relationship if you’re disagreeable you
want to win competitions if you’re open
you want to engage in creative activity
if you’re high in neuroticism you want
security okay so those are all sources
of potential motivation that you could
draw on that you could tailor to your
own you know your own personality but
then there are dimensions that you want
to consider your life across and so we
ask people about well you know if you
could have your life the way you wanted
it in three to five years if you were
taking care of yourself properly you
know what would you want from your
friendships what would you want from
your intimate relationship how would you
like to structure your family what do
you want for your career well how are
you going to use your time outside of
your job and how are you gonna regulate
your mental physical mental and physical
health and maybe also your drug and
alcohol use because that’s that’s a good
place to auger down you know because
alcoholism for example wipes out you
know five to ten percent of people so
you want to keep that under control and
then and then so maybe you know you you
you develop a vision of what your life
what you would like your life to
and that associates the so the goal well
once the goal is established and then
you break down the goal into micro
processes that you can implement the
micro process has become rewarding in
proportion in relation to their causal
association with the goal and that
tangles in your your incentive reward
system you know we talked about the
dopaminergic incentive reward system and
that’s the thing that keeps you moving
forward and the way it works is that it
works better if it produces positive
emotion when it can see you moving
towards a valued goal okay well what’s
the implication of that better have a
valued goal because otherwise you can’t
get any positive motivation working out
and so the more valuable the goal in
principle the more the micro process is
associated with that goal start to take
on a positive charge and so what that
means is well you get up in the morning
and you’re excited about the day you’re
ready to go and so as far as I can tell
what you do is you specify your
long-term ideal maybe you also specify a
place you want to stay the hell away
from so that you’re terrified to fail as
well as excited about succeeding because
that’s also useful you specify your goal
you do that you do that in some sense as
a unique individual you want to you want
to specify goals that make you say oh if
that could happen as a consequence of my
efforts it would clearly be worthwhile
because the question always is why do
something because doing nothing is easy
you just sit there and you don’t do
anything that’s real easy the question
is why would you ever do anything and
the answer to that has to be because
you’ve determined by some means that
it’s worthwhile and then the next
question might be well where should you
look for worthwhile things and one would
be well you could consult your own
temperament and the other would be well
you kind of look at how look at what it
is that people accrue that’s valuable
across the lifespan look look what so
you do a structural analysis of the sub
components of human existence and
already did that you need a family you
need friends like you don’t need to have
all these things but you better have
most of them
family friends career educational goals
plans for you know time outside of work
attention to your mental and physical
health etc you know those are that’s
what life is about and
if you don’t have any of those things
well then all you’ve got left is misery
and suffering so that’s that’s a bad
that’s a bad deal for you so so once you
but once you set up that that goal
structure let’s say and that’s really in
many in many ways that’s what you should
be doing at universities is that’s
exactly what you should be doing is
trying to figure out who it is that
you’re trying to be right and you aim at
that and then use everything you learned
as a means of building that person that
you want to be and and I really mean
want to be I don’t mean should be even
those things those things are going to
overlap and it’s important to
distinguish between those because that’s
partly and this is back down to the
micro routine analysis so I should I
saying well you’re gonna try to make
yourself more industrious okay number
one specify your damn goals because how
are you gonna hit something if you don’t
know what it is that isn’t going to
happen and often people won’t specify
their goals too because they don’t like
to specify conditions for failure so if
you keep yourself all vague and foggy
which is real easy because that’s just a
matter of not doing as well then you
don’t know when you fail and people
might say well I really don’t want to
know when I fail because that’s painful
it’s so I’ll keep myself blind about
when I fail that’s fine except you’ll
fail all the time then you just won’t
know it until you’ve failed so badly
that you’re done and that can easily
happen by the time you’re 40 so so I
would recommend that you don’t let that
happen
so that’s willful blindness right you
could have known but you chose not to
okay so once you get your goal structure
set up you think okay if I could have
this life looks like that might be worth
living despite the fact that it’s going
to be you know anxiety provoking and
threatening and there’s gonna be some
suffering and loss involved in all of
that obviously the goal is to have a
vision for your life such that all
things considered that justifies your
effort okay so then what do you do well
then then you turn down to the micro
routines it’s like okay well this is
what I’m aiming for how does that
instantiate itself day to day week to
week month to month and that’s where
something like a schedule can be
unbelievably useful Google Calendar it’s
like make a damn schedule and stick to
it
okay so what’s the rule with the
schedule it’s not a bloody prison
that’s the first thing that people do
wrong is say well I don’t like to have
follow a schedule it’s like well what
kind of schedule are you setting up well
I should I have to do this then I have
to do this then I have to do this you
know and then I just go play video games
because who wants to do all these things
that I have to do
it’s like wrong set the damn schedule up
so that you have the day you want that’s
the trick it’s like okay I’ve got
tomorrow if I was gonna set it up so it
was the best possible day I could have
practically speaking what would it look
like well then you schedule that and
obviously there’s a bit of
responsibility that’s gonna go along
with that because if you have any sense
one of the things that you’re gonna
insist upon is that at the end of the
day you’re not in worse shape than you
were that then at the beginning of the
day right that’s a stupid day if you
have a bunch of those in a row you just
dig you know you dig yourself a hole and
then you bury yourself in it’s like
sorry that’s just not a good strategy
it’s a bad strategy
so maybe 20% of your day has to be
responsibility and obligation or maybe
it’s more than that depending on how far
behind you are but even that you can you
can ask yourself okay well I’ve got
these responsibilities I have to
schedule the damn things in what’s the
right ratio of responsibility to reward
and you can ask yourself that just like
you’d ago she ate with someone who is
working for you it’s like okay go I work
tomorrow okay so I want you to work
tomorrow and you might say okay well
what are you gonna do for me that makes
it likely that I’ll work for you well
you could ask yourself that you know
maybe you do an hour of responsibility
and then you play a video game for 15
minutes I don’t know whatever turns your
crank man but you know you have to
negotiate with yourself and not
tyrannize yourself like you’re
negotiating with someone that you care
for that you would like to be productive
and have a good life and and that’s how
you make the schedule it’s like and then
you look at the day and you think well
if I had that day that’d be good great
you know and you you’re useless and
horrible so you’ll probably only hit it
with about 70% accuracy but that beats
the hell out of zero right and if you
hit it even with 50% accuracy another
rule is well aim for 51% the next week
or 50 and a half percent for God’s sake
or because you’re you’re gonna hit that
position where things start to Lou
back positively and spiral you upward
and so so that’s one way that you can
work on your conscientiousness it’s a
plan of life you’d like to have and and
you do that partly by referring to
social norms that’s more or less
rescuing your father from the belly of
the whale but the way other way you do
that is by having a little conversation
with yourself about as if you don’t
really know who you are because you know
what you’re like you won’t do what
you’re told you won’t do what you tell
yourself to do you must have noticed
that it’s like you’re a bad employee and
a worse boss and in both of those work
you know for you you don’t know what you
want to do and then when you tell
yourself what to do you don’t do it
anyway so you should fire yourself and
find someone else to be but but you know
my point is is that you have to
understand that you’re not your own
servant so to speak you’re someone that
you have to negotiate with and that’s
and you’re someone that you want to
present the opportunity of having a good
life to and that’s hard for people
because they don’t like themselves very
much so you know they’re always like
cracking the whip and then
procrastinating and cracking the whip
and then procrastinating and it’s like
god it’s so boring and such a pathetic
way of spending your time and you know
what that’s like because you probably
waste like six hours a day and I think
we did an economic calculation about
that a while back right your time is
probably worth 50 bucks an hour
something like that I mean you’re not
getting paid that now but you’re young
and so this is investment time and what
you do now is going to multiply its
effects in the future so so let’s say
it’s 50 bucks an hour which is perfectly
reasonable so if you waste six hours a
day and you are then you’re wasting
about $2,000 a week or about $100,000 a
year so like go ahead but that’s what
it’s costing you every hour and you need
to know what your damn time is worth so
let’s say it’s not 50 bucks it’s 30
whatever maybe it’s a hundred it’s
somewhere in that range one of the
things you should be asking yourself is
when you spend an hour was that well
what have I paid someone 50 bucks to
have had that hour and if the answer is
no it’s like well maybe you should do
something else with your time and it
depends on whether or not you think that
your time is worthwhile but the funny
thing about not assuming that is if you
assume your time isn’t worthwhile what
happens is you don’t just sit around
sort of randomly in a state of respond
on sibility lists bliss what you do is
you suffer existentially and so that
seems like a stupid solution so okay so
anyways as far as I can tell that’s how
you can improve your conscientiousness
Hannah you know outline a goal that you
actually would like to hit and even
better here’s something else you can
think about when you’re negotiating in
your life you could say if you’re kind
of pessimistic you’d say well we have to
negotiate an agreement I’d like to walk
away not miserable and resentful okay
let’s call that a baseline and that’s
how you’re going to negotiate with your
wife or your husband that’s a good thing
to know you want to negotiate so that
you don’t walk away miserable and
resentful because that makes you hostile
and then you’ll work to hurt them and I
would say that’s unless you want to hurt
them and then of course they’ll happily
return the favor
unless you if you want to exist in a
place where you’re basically hitting
each other in the head repeatedly for
thirty years you go right ahead but I
wouldn’t say that that’s a particularly
good way of living
so you might say well the minimal
precondition for a successful
negotiation is that you don’t walk away
resentful and angry and so that’s also
how you know when you have something to
say to someone because the rule has to
be if you’re gonna walk away resentful
and angry you’ve got something to say it
doesn’t mean you’re right by the way but
it does mean that you have something to
say but it’s kind of a low bar you know
like if I wanted to live with you for
thirty years maybe we should say how
about we walk away from our mutual
negotiations thrilled well why not you
know you gotta aim for something you
could aim for that you want to negotiate
with your boss for a new salary you
might think okay I’ve got this damn job
how much would I have to be paid so I’d
be so bloody excited to go to work I
could hardly stand it well you could at
least know what that number is and then
you could go there and say well look you
know you like to have me around I’ve
been doing some thinking I think if you
paid me this amount of money I’d be so
thrilled to go to work that you could
hardly even keep me away from here and
your boss might think well I actually
really like to have someone round who’d
be so thrilled to work that I can’t get
rid of them it’s like maybe uh well I
can’t give you all of that I’ll give you
seventy five percent maybe we can
renegotiate it in a year it’s like hey
good deal or
you can you know be some weaselly coward
and go in there and snivel about how
awful your life is and walk away
barely able to tolerate the outcome of
the negotiation it’s like I wouldn’t
recommend that and it’s funny because
I’ve watched people do this repeatedly
in my clinical practice because I do we
do we plan all the time because the rule
is you’re gonna come and see me I’m
gonna try to help you figure out how to
have the life that you want to have and
we’re going to think about that
strategically so you’re making $50,000 a
year right now
maybe you should be making a hundred and
fifty thousand dollars in three years
and they think well that couldn’t happen
it’s like not with that attitude that’s
the first thing it’s like no that’s not
gonna happen if you if you don’t ask
people for the damn money if you don’t
look for a better job but they’re gonna
come along and just shovel a boat full
of money at you it’s like no that’s not
going to happen but if why is that
impossible lately look at you you people
in here it’s like what the hell is wrong
with you nothing so you can probably
have what you want if you could figure
out what the hell it was and then you
know you diligently pursued it so and
then maybe you wouldn’t whine about
being alive that’d be good because
people who whine about being alive are
dangerous to themselves and other people
so you might think I can have what I
want but you better well figure out what
it is and you can’t just wait for the
like have what you want ferry to show up
at your doorstep and grant it because
obviously that’s not going to happen so
so okay conscientiousness well we talked
about how you could prove that social
networking that’s another big deal it’s
one of the advantages that older people
have over younger people and so for
example now that I’m in my fifties
roughly speaking I know a bunch of other
people who are you know relatively well
positioned in the dominance hierarchy
and they know all sorts of people and so
when I go to one of them and say you
know can you do X or do you know X they
say no but I know someone who can and
that’s a huge advantage so another thing
that you want to think about as you move
through life and and this is is that use
your ability to network properly and
that doesn’t mean schmooze and it
doesn’t mean go out and impress people
that’s all just complete bloody rubbish
it means you you you try to surround
yourself with people who are competent
in multiple different dimensions and you
maintain your
Asian ships with them and that’s a
trading relationship – right it involves
reciprocity but it’s a huge advantage a
social network is a huge advantage and
that’s something extroverted people can
be really good at because you know they
have that sort of social ability and
that goes along with the ability to sell
so another place that you can pick up
power and power for the good for the
right things is to is to consciously
develop and maintain your social
networks and that also means well let’s
talk about friendships for a minute
here’s how you know if someone’s your
friend a you can tell them bad news and
they’ll listen they won’t tell you why
you know you’re stupid and why that bad
thing happened to you and how something
worse happened to them once and you know
derail the whole conversation you can
actually tell them bad news and they’ll
listen so that’s a good thing and then
this is a weirder thing you can tell
them good news and they’ll help you
celebrate and that’s a really good way
of deciding who you should have around
you because if you have someone around
you you know something good happens to
you you’re kind of afraid to even admit
it because you know God something good
happen to you it’s like you let that be
known and it’ll certainly be taken away
so you know you you come out and you
sort of tell someone half-heartedly that
something good happened to you and they
they give you a whack and then talk
about you know the great thing that
happened to them three years ago or
worse the great thing that happened to
someone that they knew three years ago
you know it’s like go away from that
person they’re not helpful to you and
they’re not helpful to themselves either
and so you want to surround here so you
got to think about this you got to
surround yourself with people who want
the best for the best part of you you
can hang around with weasels and losers
that are trying to pull you down to
justify the fact that they’re spiraling
downhill as well and you know the upside
of that is you don’t have to have any
responsibility and you can all whine
about how wretched life is you know so
that’s pretty attractive but I would say
it’s also a meet bad medium to long term
plan and so it’s it’s acceptable and
desirable to try to surround yourself
with people who are facilitating your
development
you know and you might say well I’ve got
people around I know them well you know
they’re they’re not doing that well and
and they’re and they don’t fit into that
category it’s like what’s your point
what are you gonna do with them exactly
if they’ll if they’ll listen and
cooperate with you and move towards a
better future great if they don’t pay
any attention and they keep doing the
same damn things over and over and
they’re not going anywhere and it’s
painful then maybe the proper thing to
do is say you just have your misery I’ll
go off and have my life and maybe you’ll
wake up at some point in the future and
think that’s a better way of being
because just putting up with it is oh
well they call that enabling right you
put up with that sort of behavior you’re
providing tacit consent for it and even
tacit approval it’s like it’s bad idea
you have I would say both the right and
the responsibility to surround yourself
with people who are good for the best
part of you and that’s not the same as
you know I don’t have to elaborate on
that you can figure out what that means
skills that’s another thing you can do
and if you want to increase your
probability of success every time you
have an opportunity to take an
opportunity that would provide you with
a new skill do it right
learn to program learn to write learn to
read read new things learn to public
speak learn how to introduce yourself to
people learn how to social network learn
how to go talk to your boss in a manner
this is the right way to go talk to
someone who’s supervising you I see this
problem and here’s the solution and so
I’m come to talk to you about the
problem and the solution it’s like that
person is going to want to talk to you a
lot it’s like because the other people
they’re talking to you are going to come
and say I’ve got a problem can you do
something about it it’s like they don’t
want to do something about they’re only
got 50 things to do you know so if
you’re the person who constantly brings
forth a problem even if they’re accurate
problems is why are they going to want
to have you around it’s you’re just –
you’re just another problem don’t be a
problem for the people who want to give
you money that’s a good rule of thumb
man you know if someone wants to give
you money then help them do that and if
they want to give you status and success
then help them do that right and you do
that in part by bringing them solutions
and partly you do that by developing
your skills and so if things aren’t
going very well for you this is also a
good way of evaluating an opportunity
should you take an opportunity well
here’s the rule take the opportunity if
it will teach you something that you can
use for other opportunities because then
even if it fails that you probably will
doesn’t matter because you’ve accrued
something of value that you can bring
forward to the next situation so now
there’s this old Union idea that I told
you about and then the shark Cathedral
for example mmm the cathedrals made in
the form of a cross and the cross
signifies the center of the world and
the dome signifies the sky and so right
below the dome at the center of the
world and it’s a cross because the cross
is the place of suffering so that’s the
center of the world because that’s what
you are you’re the place of suffering
right you’re the place of conscious
suffering that’s the center of the world
and so inscribed on the floor is a maze
and you ain’t it’s big maze and it’s a
Mandela and and there’s a kind of a
flower shaped resting place right in the
center and what you’re doing is walking
in the maze and you walk all four
quadrants and you get to the middle
which is where you want to be you want
to be in the middle well how do you get
there you walk everywhere and what does
that mean it means every bloody time
you’re offered an opportunity take it
and develop your skills and that that’s
better than wealth by the way in fact it
actually constitutes wealth because
wealth constitutes what you have when
someone takes all your money away right
that’s real wealth and so the way that
you build up that sort of wealth is you
turn yourself into someone who’s
competent in multiple directions and you
can be doing that all the time right
especially with the kind of technology
that you people have access to I mean
you can learn anything you want whenever
you want so what a good deal that is man
and so there’s there’s easy fruit
hanging that you could pick and I would
recommend that you do that so here’s an
example let’s say you’re not doing too
bad so maybe you’re in the middle of the
normal distribution then you lose your
job okay and so and let’s say you’re a
conscientious person and we can say just
for the sake of argument that you lose
your job because of mass layoffs in your
company so it has nothing to do with you
it’s fundamentally it’s just like luck
of the draw basically but then what
happens to you well if you’re
conscientious you’re gonna you’re going
to go after yourself pretty hard
so you’re gonna and especially if you’re
also high in neuroticism it’s going to
depress you to lose your job and maybe
you’re in a situation where you’re just
for one reason or another you don’t have
that many other opportunities now maybe
you should look for them but maybe
you’re in a depressed strata of the
economy or you’re geographically located
somewhere that makes moving difficult or
so on and so forth you know so but you
lose the job and then you start to get
depressed because of that well then as
you start to get depressed you know it
decreases the probability that you’re
gonna look for a job but also maybe
starts to put stress on your family and
it also starts to decrease the
probability that you’re in gonna engage
in positive social interaction so now
not only are you unemployed and
suffering from economic stress but your
marriage is starting to suffer and
you’re starting to isolate yourself from
your friends and then of course as your
marriage suffers and the stress builds
up then that’s going to make you more
depressed and that’s going to keep you
even farther away from your friends and
that’s going to decrease the likelihood
that you’re going to have enough
positive emotion and enthusiasm to look
for another job and then you know maybe
you want to add a bit of a drinking
problem to that just for fun and you can
see that you can get a spiral going
that’s just taken you down right and
there’s all sorts of things because lots
of times people conceptualize let’s say
you know you’re unemployed guy and you
go to counseling and you get a diagnosis
of depression and the thing about a
diagnosis of depression it’s sort of
like the assumption is there’s something
gone wrong with your psychological
structure it’s like if you’re unemployed
and you were you’re depressed it isn’t
obvious at all that the problem is in
your head you know you know what I mean
it’s it doesn’t it doesn’t even obvious
that it’s a psychological problem it’s
just a problem and problems can take you
out
and so the you know if you’re unemployed
and and you’re under economic stress and
your marriage is starting to shake and
you’re isolating yourself from your
friends and you’re less likely to be
motivated to go look for a job you can
sort of think about that as a depressive
spiral but you can also think of it as a
conspiracy in some sense of external
forces that are ordering you into the
ground and we don’t tend to
conceptualize psychological disorders
that way but we should because lots of
times when people are suffering from
something that you could describe in
Psychological terminology and depression
is a very good example of that it isn’t
obvious that there’s something wrong
with
and psychologically often they just are
in trouble and there isn’t a category in
in psychological diagnosis for client in
serious trouble but my experience has
been almost without exception that the
people that come to see me come to see
me because something’s gone wrong with
their life not because they have a
psychological problem now you could say
well there are psychological
inadequacies such as they might be are
interfering with their ability to
recover or maybe even served as
precursors to you know increase the
probability of the catastrophe but it’s
still not exactly the appropriate way to
conceptualize it and you know because
you’re there’s you inside you and as a
personality psychologist and as a
clinical theorist most of what I’ve
talked to you guys about is your psyche
and its structure as if it was like a
soul that inhabited you and and there’s
some real utility in that you know
you’re an individual demarcated from the
community you can be set up in a healthy
manner or a non healthy manner the
problem with that is that you’re not
just an individual you’re connected to
all these external network dynamic
networks that are really really
important and it isn’t even easy to
separate them from you you know like you
might say well this is especially true
once you become a parent it’s like is
your child more you than your arm you
know well you think it’s pretty obvious
that parts of you that are physically
linked are more key to you to you as an
entity but that’s by no means obvious I
think many people would much more
happily sacrifice an arm than a child
you know and so your boundaries are not
where your boundaries are located are
not precisely isomorphic with the
outline of your body it’s not that
simple at all and so you’re embedded in
all sorts of networks that can pull you
down rapidly or elevate you because the
other thing that happens is that well
let’s say I’ve never traded with anyone
and I go up to someone and I say well do
you want to trade and they say well why
how can I trust you and the answer to
that is well you have to take my word
for it with that’s not that’s not a very
good argument you might say instead well
here’s what I have to offer and you can
be evaluated but the purse is likely to
say well I don’t know how to evaluate it
and so I’m still stuck with taking your
word so that’s a bad problem and you’ll
see that if you ever try to sell a
product in the market
if you don’t if if the product is new
and it’s complex then you’re forcing the
person that wants to buy it to evaluate
it and then you’re forcing them to take
the risk of being wrong as well as the
time it would take to evaluate it and
they don’t like that what they want is
what’s often called social proof which
is okay well you want to trade with me
who else have you traded with and if the
answer is zero then they are gonna say
well you’re an interesting person all
that but I’ve got these other people
over here who’ve already traded with a
bunch of people and therefore the risk
is lower in part because let’s say I
have a supervisor and I’m gonna make a
decision and my primary concern is that
my supervisor will not hate me for
making the decision it’s not my that my
primary concern is to make the best
decision it’s not the same thing it’s
that I want to make a decision that I’m
not going to get in trouble for okay so
how do I do that because I need a
post-hoc justification so I buy
something from you and it turns out to
be terrible and and I get called for it
called on the table for it and what do I
say I said well you know that person was
buying from it and that person was
buying from from from him and and that
person was buying from him like all
these other people were doing the same
thing so it’s not like the error is
localized in me and that’s often a very
credible story but if the answer is well
you know why I have held you ated it and
took a writ decided to take a risk it’s
like cool out the door with you Sonny
because you know that’s just that’s an
indication that you’re not capable of
doing that sort of thing
so I think part of the reason that
people spiral downhill into Xero is
because positive feed a feedback loop is
a loop that increases the probability
that the loop will continue right a
positive feedback loop is you’ve
experienced this when you hear
microphone feedback in an amplified
system so you know the microphone sends
a message to the speakers and then the
speakers send out the message amplified
and then the microphone picks up the
message and and it gets amplified again
and you get this howling occur which is
can be deafening but can also destroy
the system because it’ll keep amplifying
upward until the speakers blow for
example that’s a positive feedback loop
and a positive feedback loop can spiral
you upward or it can spiral you downward
and so a virtuous circle a virtuous
positive feedback loop is win well I’ve
traded with him and I’ve traded with him
and I’ve traded with him and now I can
say to you I’ve traded with these three
people and you go talk to them and they
say good things and so then you say well
I’ll trade with you and then because of
that then you’re even more likely to
trade with me and it’s like the thing
starts to spiral uphill and it does that
I think in a nonlinear form and so
because one of the things you guys are
going to be asking yourself as you
mature because what’s happening is that
income inequality is increasing right
and you might ask well why that why is
that the first thing you need to know is
that that’s what income does so it’s not
like you need an explanation for it that
this is the explanation it’s like a
natural rule if you run a trading game
to its logical conclusion one person
ends up with all the money and everyone else ends up with zero
the next best predictor of lifetime
success is conscientiousness well so and
although of the two aspects of
conscientiousness say orderliness and
and industriousness the better predictor
is industriousness so the question is
well what can you do about your
industriousness and the answer to that
is well that’s kind of rough too because
there’s a strong genetic component but
you can work on micro habits with
regards to your conscientiousness and I
think the best micro habits this is
partly to do with these future authoring
program processes I think the best thing
you can do with regards to your
conscientiousness is to set up some aims
for yourself goals that you actually
value and the future authoring program
helps people do that and basically it
does a situational analysis of it helps
you do a situational analysis of your
life more than a psychological analysis
I would say and so the questions are
something like well alright you’re gonna
have to put some effort into your life
and you need to be motivated to do that
and so what are the potential sources of
motivation well you could think about
them in in the Big Five manner you know
if you’re extroverted you want friends
if you’re agreeable you want an intimate
relationship if you’re disagreeable you
want to win competitions if you’re open
you want to engage in creative activity
if you’re high in neuroticism you want
security okay so those are all sources
of potential motivation that you could
draw on that you could tailor to your
own you know your own personality but
then there are dimensions that you want
to consider your life across and so we
ask people about well you know if you
could have your life the way you wanted
it in three to five years if you were
taking care of yourself properly you
know what would you want from your
friendships what would you want from
your intimate relationship how would you
like to structure your family what do
you want for your career well how are
you going to use your time outside of
your job and how are you gonna regulate
your mental physical mental and physical
health and maybe also your drug and
alcohol use because that’s that’s a good
place to auger down you know because
alcoholism for example wipes out you
know five to ten percent of people so
you want to keep that under control and
then and then so maybe you know you you
you develop a vision of what your life
what you would like your life to
and that associates the so the goal well
once the goal is established and then
you break down the goal into micro
processes that you can implement the
micro process has become rewarding in
proportion in relation to their causal
association with the goal and that
tangles in your your incentive reward
system you know we talked about the
dopaminergic incentive reward system and
that’s the thing that keeps you moving
forward and the way it works is that it
works better if it produces positive
emotion when it can see you moving
towards a valued goal okay well what’s
the implication of that better have a
valued goal because otherwise you can’t
get any positive motivation working out
and so the more valuable the goal in
principle the more the micro process is
associated with that goal start to take
on a positive charge and so what that
means is well you get up in the morning
and you’re excited about the day you’re
ready to go and so as far as I can tell
what you do is you specify your
long-term ideal maybe you also specify a
place you want to stay the hell away
from so that you’re terrified to fail as
well as excited about succeeding because
that’s also useful you specify your goal
you do that you do that in some sense as
a unique individual you want to you want
to specify goals that make you say oh if
that could happen as a consequence of my
efforts it would clearly be worthwhile
because the question always is why do
something because doing nothing is easy
you just sit there and you don’t do
anything that’s real easy the question
is why would you ever do anything and
the answer to that has to be because
you’ve determined by some means that
it’s worthwhile and then the next
question might be well where should you
look for worthwhile things and one would
be well you could consult your own
temperament and the other would be well
you kind of look at how look at what it
is that people accrue that’s valuable
across the lifespan look look what so
you do a structural analysis of the sub
components of human existence and
already did that you need a family you
need friends like you don’t need to have
all these things but you better have
most of them
family friends career educational goals
plans for you know time outside of work
attention to your mental and physical
health etc you know those are that’s
what life is about and
if you don’t have any of those things
well then all you’ve got left is misery
and suffering so that’s that’s a bad
that’s a bad deal for you so so once you
but once you set up that that goal
structure let’s say and that’s really in
many in many ways that’s what you should
be doing at universities is that’s
exactly what you should be doing is
trying to figure out who it is that
you’re trying to be right and you aim at
that and then use everything you learned
as a means of building that person that
you want to be and and I really mean
want to be I don’t mean should be even
those things those things are going to
overlap and it’s important to
distinguish between those because that’s
partly and this is back down to the
micro routine analysis so I should I
saying well you’re gonna try to make
yourself more industrious okay number
one specify your damn goals because how
are you gonna hit something if you don’t
know what it is that isn’t going to
happen and often people won’t specify
their goals too because they don’t like
to specify conditions for failure so if
you keep yourself all vague and foggy
which is real easy because that’s just a
matter of not doing as well then you
don’t know when you fail and people
might say well I really don’t want to
know when I fail because that’s painful
it’s so I’ll keep myself blind about
when I fail that’s fine except you’ll
fail all the time then you just won’t
know it until you’ve failed so badly
that you’re done and that can easily
happen by the time you’re 40 so so I
would recommend that you don’t let that
happen
so that’s willful blindness right you
could have known but you chose not to
okay so once you get your goal structure
set up you think okay if I could have
this life looks like that might be worth
living despite the fact that it’s going
to be you know anxiety provoking and
threatening and there’s gonna be some
suffering and loss involved in all of
that obviously the goal is to have a
vision for your life such that all
things considered that justifies your
effort okay so then what do you do well
then then you turn down to the micro
routines it’s like okay well this is
what I’m aiming for how does that
instantiate itself day to day week to
week month to month and that’s where
something like a schedule can be
unbelievably useful Google Calendar it’s
like make a damn schedule and stick to
it
okay so what’s the rule with the
schedule it’s not a bloody prison
that’s the first thing that people do
wrong is say well I don’t like to have
follow a schedule it’s like well what
kind of schedule are you setting up well
I should I have to do this then I have
to do this then I have to do this you
know and then I just go play video games
because who wants to do all these things
that I have to do
it’s like wrong set the damn schedule up
so that you have the day you want that’s
the trick it’s like okay I’ve got
tomorrow if I was gonna set it up so it
was the best possible day I could have
practically speaking what would it look
like well then you schedule that and
obviously there’s a bit of
responsibility that’s gonna go along
with that because if you have any sense
one of the things that you’re gonna
insist upon is that at the end of the
day you’re not in worse shape than you
were that then at the beginning of the
day right that’s a stupid day if you
have a bunch of those in a row you just
dig you know you dig yourself a hole and
then you bury yourself in it’s like
sorry that’s just not a good strategy
it’s a bad strategy
so maybe 20% of your day has to be
responsibility and obligation or maybe
it’s more than that depending on how far
behind you are but even that you can you
can ask yourself okay well I’ve got
these responsibilities I have to
schedule the damn things in what’s the
right ratio of responsibility to reward
and you can ask yourself that just like
you’d ago she ate with someone who is
working for you it’s like okay go I work
tomorrow okay so I want you to work
tomorrow and you might say okay well
what are you gonna do for me that makes
it likely that I’ll work for you well
you could ask yourself that you know
maybe you do an hour of responsibility
and then you play a video game for 15
minutes I don’t know whatever turns your
crank man but you know you have to
negotiate with yourself and not
tyrannize yourself like you’re
negotiating with someone that you care
for that you would like to be productive
and have a good life and and that’s how
you make the schedule it’s like and then
you look at the day and you think well
if I had that day that’d be good great
you know and you you’re useless and
horrible so you’ll probably only hit it
with about 70% accuracy but that beats
the hell out of zero right and if you
hit it even with 50% accuracy another
rule is well aim for 51% the next week
or 50 and a half percent for God’s sake
or because you’re you’re gonna hit that
position where things start to Lou
back positively and spiral you upward
and so so that’s one way that you can
work on your conscientiousness it’s a
plan of life you’d like to have and and
you do that partly by referring to
social norms that’s more or less
rescuing your father from the belly of
the whale but the way other way you do
that is by having a little conversation
with yourself about as if you don’t
really know who you are because you know
what you’re like you won’t do what
you’re told you won’t do what you tell
yourself to do you must have noticed
that it’s like you’re a bad employee and
a worse boss and in both of those work
you know for you you don’t know what you
want to do and then when you tell
yourself what to do you don’t do it
anyway so you should fire yourself and
find someone else to be but but you know
my point is is that you have to
understand that you’re not your own
servant so to speak you’re someone that
you have to negotiate with and that’s
and you’re someone that you want to
present the opportunity of having a good
life to and that’s hard for people
because they don’t like themselves very
much so you know they’re always like
cracking the whip and then
procrastinating and cracking the whip
and then procrastinating and it’s like
god it’s so boring and such a pathetic
way of spending your time and you know
what that’s like because you probably
waste like six hours a day and I think
we did an economic calculation about
that a while back right your time is
probably worth 50 bucks an hour
something like that I mean you’re not
getting paid that now but you’re young
and so this is investment time and what
you do now is going to multiply its
effects in the future so so let’s say
it’s 50 bucks an hour which is perfectly
reasonable so if you waste six hours a
day and you are then you’re wasting
about $2,000 a week or about $100,000 a
year so like go ahead but that’s what
it’s costing you every hour and you need
to know what your damn time is worth so
let’s say it’s not 50 bucks it’s 30
whatever maybe it’s a hundred it’s
somewhere in that range one of the
things you should be asking yourself is
when you spend an hour was that well
what have I paid someone 50 bucks to
have had that hour and if the answer is
no it’s like well maybe you should do
something else with your time and it
depends on whether or not you think that
your time is worthwhile but the funny
thing about not assuming that is if you
assume your time isn’t worthwhile what
happens is you don’t just sit around
sort of randomly in a state of respond
on sibility lists bliss what you do is
you suffer existentially and so that
seems like a stupid solution so okay so
anyways as far as I can tell that’s how
you can improve your conscientiousness
Hannah you know outline a goal that you
actually would like to hit and even
better here’s something else you can
think about when you’re negotiating in
your life you could say if you’re kind
of pessimistic you’d say well we have to
negotiate an agreement I’d like to walk
away not miserable and resentful okay
let’s call that a baseline and that’s
how you’re going to negotiate with your
wife or your husband that’s a good thing
to know you want to negotiate so that
you don’t walk away miserable and
resentful because that makes you hostile
and then you’ll work to hurt them and I
would say that’s unless you want to hurt
them and then of course they’ll happily
return the favor
unless you if you want to exist in a
place where you’re basically hitting
each other in the head repeatedly for
thirty years you go right ahead but I
wouldn’t say that that’s a particularly
good way of living
so you might say well the minimal
precondition for a successful
negotiation is that you don’t walk away
resentful and angry and so that’s also
how you know when you have something to
say to someone because the rule has to
be if you’re gonna walk away resentful
and angry you’ve got something to say it
doesn’t mean you’re right by the way but
it does mean that you have something to
say but it’s kind of a low bar you know
like if I wanted to live with you for
thirty years maybe we should say how
about we walk away from our mutual
negotiations thrilled well why not you
know you gotta aim for something you
could aim for that you want to negotiate
with your boss for a new salary you
might think okay I’ve got this damn job
how much would I have to be paid so I’d
be so bloody excited to go to work I
could hardly stand it well you could at
least know what that number is and then
you could go there and say well look you
know you like to have me around I’ve
been doing some thinking I think if you
paid me this amount of money I’d be so
thrilled to go to work that you could
hardly even keep me away from here and
your boss might think well I actually
really like to have someone round who’d
be so thrilled to work that I can’t get
rid of them it’s like maybe uh well I
can’t give you all of that I’ll give you
seventy five percent maybe we can
renegotiate it in a year it’s like hey
good deal or
you can you know be some weaselly coward
and go in there and snivel about how
awful your life is and walk away
barely able to tolerate the outcome of
the negotiation it’s like I wouldn’t
recommend that and it’s funny because
I’ve watched people do this repeatedly
in my clinical practice because I do we
do we plan all the time because the rule
is you’re gonna come and see me I’m
gonna try to help you figure out how to
have the life that you want to have and
we’re going to think about that
strategically so you’re making $50,000 a
year right now
maybe you should be making a hundred and
fifty thousand dollars in three years
and they think well that couldn’t happen
it’s like not with that attitude that’s
the first thing it’s like no that’s not
gonna happen if you if you don’t ask
people for the damn money if you don’t
look for a better job but they’re gonna
come along and just shovel a boat full
of money at you it’s like no that’s not
going to happen but if why is that
impossible lately look at you you people
in here it’s like what the hell is wrong
with you nothing so you can probably
have what you want if you could figure
out what the hell it was and then you
know you diligently pursued it so and
then maybe you wouldn’t whine about
being alive that’d be good because
people who whine about being alive are
dangerous to themselves and other people
so you might think I can have what I
want but you better well figure out what
it is and you can’t just wait for the
like have what you want ferry to show up
at your doorstep and grant it because
obviously that’s not going to happen so
so okay conscientiousness well we talked
about how you could prove that social
networking that’s another big deal it’s
one of the advantages that older people
have over younger people and so for
example now that I’m in my fifties
roughly speaking I know a bunch of other
people who are you know relatively well
positioned in the dominance hierarchy
and they know all sorts of people and so
when I go to one of them and say you
know can you do X or do you know X they
say no but I know someone who can and
that’s a huge advantage so another thing
that you want to think about as you move
through life and and this is is that use
your ability to network properly and
that doesn’t mean schmooze and it
doesn’t mean go out and impress people
that’s all just complete bloody rubbish
it means you you you try to surround
yourself with people who are competent
in multiple different dimensions and you
maintain your
Asian ships with them and that’s a
trading relationship – right it involves
reciprocity but it’s a huge advantage a
social network is a huge advantage and
that’s something extroverted people can
be really good at because you know they
have that sort of social ability and
that goes along with the ability to sell
so another place that you can pick up
power and power for the good for the
right things is to is to consciously
develop and maintain your social
networks and that also means well let’s
talk about friendships for a minute
here’s how you know if someone’s your
friend a you can tell them bad news and
they’ll listen they won’t tell you why
you know you’re stupid and why that bad
thing happened to you and how something
worse happened to them once and you know
derail the whole conversation you can
actually tell them bad news and they’ll
listen so that’s a good thing and then
this is a weirder thing you can tell
them good news and they’ll help you
celebrate and that’s a really good way
of deciding who you should have around
you because if you have someone around
you you know something good happens to
you you’re kind of afraid to even admit
it because you know God something good
happen to you it’s like you let that be
known and it’ll certainly be taken away
so you know you you come out and you
sort of tell someone half-heartedly that
something good happened to you and they
they give you a whack and then talk
about you know the great thing that
happened to them three years ago or
worse the great thing that happened to
someone that they knew three years ago
you know it’s like go away from that
person they’re not helpful to you and
they’re not helpful to themselves either
and so you want to surround here so you
got to think about this you got to
surround yourself with people who want
the best for the best part of you you
can hang around with weasels and losers
that are trying to pull you down to
justify the fact that they’re spiraling
downhill as well and you know the upside
of that is you don’t have to have any
responsibility and you can all whine
about how wretched life is you know so
that’s pretty attractive but I would say
it’s also a meet bad medium to long term
plan and so it’s it’s acceptable and
desirable to try to surround yourself
with people who are facilitating your
development
you know and you might say well I’ve got
people around I know them well you know
they’re they’re not doing that well and
and they’re and they don’t fit into that
category it’s like what’s your point
what are you gonna do with them exactly
if they’ll if they’ll listen and
cooperate with you and move towards a
better future great if they don’t pay
any attention and they keep doing the
same damn things over and over and
they’re not going anywhere and it’s
painful then maybe the proper thing to
do is say you just have your misery I’ll
go off and have my life and maybe you’ll
wake up at some point in the future and
think that’s a better way of being
because just putting up with it is oh
well they call that enabling right you
put up with that sort of behavior you’re
providing tacit consent for it and even
tacit approval it’s like it’s bad idea
you have I would say both the right and
the responsibility to surround yourself
with people who are good for the best
part of you and that’s not the same as
you know I don’t have to elaborate on
that you can figure out what that means
skills that’s another thing you can do
and if you want to increase your
probability of success every time you
have an opportunity to take an
opportunity that would provide you with
a new skill do it right
learn to program learn to write learn to
read read new things learn to public
speak learn how to introduce yourself to
people learn how to social network learn
how to go talk to your boss in a manner
this is the right way to go talk to
someone who’s supervising you I see this
problem and here’s the solution and so
I’m come to talk to you about the
problem and the solution it’s like that
person is going to want to talk to you a
lot it’s like because the other people
they’re talking to you are going to come
and say I’ve got a problem can you do
something about it it’s like they don’t
want to do something about they’re only
got 50 things to do you know so if
you’re the person who constantly brings
forth a problem even if they’re accurate
problems is why are they going to want
to have you around it’s you’re just –
you’re just another problem don’t be a
problem for the people who want to give
you money that’s a good rule of thumb
man you know if someone wants to give
you money then help them do that and if
they want to give you status and success
then help them do that right and you do
that in part by bringing them solutions
and partly you do that by developing
your skills and so if things aren’t
going very well for you this is also a
good way of evaluating an opportunity
should you take an opportunity well
here’s the rule take the opportunity if
it will teach you something that you can
use for other opportunities because then
even if it fails that you probably will
doesn’t matter because you’ve accrued
something of value that you can bring
forward to the next situation so now
there’s this old Union idea that I told
you about and then the shark Cathedral
for example mmm the cathedrals made in
the form of a cross and the cross
signifies the center of the world and
the dome signifies the sky and so right
below the dome at the center of the
world and it’s a cross because the cross
is the place of suffering so that’s the
center of the world because that’s what
you are you’re the place of suffering
right you’re the place of conscious
suffering that’s the center of the world
and so inscribed on the floor is a maze
and you ain’t it’s big maze and it’s a
Mandela and and there’s a kind of a
flower shaped resting place right in the
center and what you’re doing is walking
in the maze and you walk all four
quadrants and you get to the middle
which is where you want to be you want
to be in the middle well how do you get
there you walk everywhere and what does
that mean it means every bloody time
you’re offered an opportunity take it
and develop your skills and that that’s
better than wealth by the way in fact it
actually constitutes wealth because
wealth constitutes what you have when
someone takes all your money away right
that’s real wealth and so the way that
you build up that sort of wealth is you
turn yourself into someone who’s
competent in multiple directions and you
can be doing that all the time right
especially with the kind of technology
that you people have access to I mean
you can learn anything you want whenever
you want so what a good deal that is man
and so there’s there’s easy fruit
hanging that you could pick and I would
recommend that you do that so here’s an
example let’s say you’re not doing too
bad so maybe you’re in the middle of the
normal distribution then you lose your
job okay and so and let’s say you’re a
conscientious person and we can say just
for the sake of argument that you lose
your job because of mass layoffs in your
company so it has nothing to do with you
it’s fundamentally it’s just like luck
of the draw basically but then what
happens to you well if you’re
conscientious you’re gonna you’re going
to go after yourself pretty hard
so you’re gonna and especially if you’re
also high in neuroticism it’s going to
depress you to lose your job and maybe
you’re in a situation where you’re just
for one reason or another you don’t have
that many other opportunities now maybe
you should look for them but maybe
you’re in a depressed strata of the
economy or you’re geographically located
somewhere that makes moving difficult or
so on and so forth you know so but you
lose the job and then you start to get
depressed because of that well then as
you start to get depressed you know it
decreases the probability that you’re
gonna look for a job but also maybe
starts to put stress on your family and
it also starts to decrease the
probability that you’re in gonna engage
in positive social interaction so now
not only are you unemployed and
suffering from economic stress but your
marriage is starting to suffer and
you’re starting to isolate yourself from
your friends and then of course as your
marriage suffers and the stress builds
up then that’s going to make you more
depressed and that’s going to keep you
even farther away from your friends and
that’s going to decrease the likelihood
that you’re going to have enough
positive emotion and enthusiasm to look
for another job and then you know maybe
you want to add a bit of a drinking
problem to that just for fun and you can
see that you can get a spiral going
that’s just taken you down right and
there’s all sorts of things because lots
of times people conceptualize let’s say
you know you’re unemployed guy and you
go to counseling and you get a diagnosis
of depression and the thing about a
diagnosis of depression it’s sort of
like the assumption is there’s something
gone wrong with your psychological
structure it’s like if you’re unemployed
and you were you’re depressed it isn’t
obvious at all that the problem is in
your head you know you know what I mean
it’s it doesn’t it doesn’t even obvious
that it’s a psychological problem it’s
just a problem and problems can take you
out
and so the you know if you’re unemployed
and and you’re under economic stress and
your marriage is starting to shake and
you’re isolating yourself from your
friends and you’re less likely to be
motivated to go look for a job you can
sort of think about that as a depressive
spiral but you can also think of it as a
conspiracy in some sense of external
forces that are ordering you into the
ground and we don’t tend to
conceptualize psychological disorders
that way but we should because lots of
times when people are suffering from
something that you could describe in
Psychological terminology and depression
is a very good example of that it isn’t
obvious that there’s something wrong
with
and psychologically often they just are
in trouble and there isn’t a category in
in psychological diagnosis for client in
serious trouble but my experience has
been almost without exception that the
people that come to see me come to see
me because something’s gone wrong with
their life not because they have a
psychological problem now you could say
well there are psychological
inadequacies such as they might be are
interfering with their ability to
recover or maybe even served as
precursors to you know increase the
probability of the catastrophe but it’s
still not exactly the appropriate way to
conceptualize it and you know because
you’re there’s you inside you and as a
personality psychologist and as a
clinical theorist most of what I’ve
talked to you guys about is your psyche
and its structure as if it was like a
soul that inhabited you and and there’s
some real utility in that you know
you’re an individual demarcated from the
community you can be set up in a healthy
manner or a non healthy manner the
problem with that is that you’re not
just an individual you’re connected to
all these external network dynamic
networks that are really really
important and it isn’t even easy to
separate them from you you know like you
might say well this is especially true
once you become a parent it’s like is
your child more you than your arm you
know well you think it’s pretty obvious
that parts of you that are physically
linked are more key to you to you as an
entity but that’s by no means obvious I
think many people would much more
happily sacrifice an arm than a child
you know and so your boundaries are not
where your boundaries are located are
not precisely isomorphic with the
outline of your body it’s not that
simple at all and so you’re embedded in
all sorts of networks that can pull you
down rapidly or elevate you because the
other thing that happens is that well
let’s say I’ve never traded with anyone
and I go up to someone and I say well do
you want to trade and they say well why
how can I trust you and the answer to
that is well you have to take my word
for it with that’s not that’s not a very
good argument you might say instead well
here’s what I have to offer and you can
be evaluated but the purse is likely to
say well I don’t know how to evaluate it
and so I’m still stuck with taking your
word so that’s a bad problem and you’ll
see that if you ever try to sell a
product in the market
if you don’t if if the product is new
and it’s complex then you’re forcing the
person that wants to buy it to evaluate
it and then you’re forcing them to take
the risk of being wrong as well as the
time it would take to evaluate it and
they don’t like that what they want is
what’s often called social proof which
is okay well you want to trade with me
who else have you traded with and if the
answer is zero then they are gonna say
well you’re an interesting person all
that but I’ve got these other people
over here who’ve already traded with a
bunch of people and therefore the risk
is lower in part because let’s say I
have a supervisor and I’m gonna make a
decision and my primary concern is that
my supervisor will not hate me for
making the decision it’s not my that my
primary concern is to make the best
decision it’s not the same thing it’s
that I want to make a decision that I’m
not going to get in trouble for okay so
how do I do that because I need a
post-hoc justification so I buy
something from you and it turns out to
be terrible and and I get called for it
called on the table for it and what do I
say I said well you know that person was
buying from it and that person was
buying from from from him and and that
person was buying from him like all
these other people were doing the same
thing so it’s not like the error is
localized in me and that’s often a very
credible story but if the answer is well
you know why I have held you ated it and
took a writ decided to take a risk it’s
like cool out the door with you Sonny
because you know that’s just that’s an
indication that you’re not capable of
doing that sort of thing
so I think part of the reason that
people spiral downhill into Xero is
because positive feed a feedback loop is
a loop that increases the probability
that the loop will continue right a
positive feedback loop is you’ve
experienced this when you hear
microphone feedback in an amplified
system so you know the microphone sends
a message to the speakers and then the
speakers send out the message amplified
and then the microphone picks up the
message and and it gets amplified again
and you get this howling occur which is
can be deafening but can also destroy
the system because it’ll keep amplifying
upward until the speakers blow for
example that’s a positive feedback loop
and a positive feedback loop can spiral
you upward or it can spiral you downward
and so a virtuous circle a virtuous
positive feedback loop is win well I’ve
traded with him and I’ve traded with him
and I’ve traded with him and now I can
say to you I’ve traded with these three
people and you go talk to them and they
say good things and so then you say well
I’ll trade with you and then because of
that then you’re even more likely to
trade with me and it’s like the thing
starts to spiral uphill and it does that
I think in a nonlinear form and so
because one of the things you guys are
going to be asking yourself as you
mature because what’s happening is that
income inequality is increasing right
and you might ask well why that why is
that the first thing you need to know is
that that’s what income does so it’s not
like you need an explanation for it that
this is the explanation it’s like a
natural rule if you run a trading game
to its logical conclusion one person
ends up with all the money and everyone else ends up with zero
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