what I believe nation it’s Evan my one
word is believe and I believe in people
more than they believe in themselves and
my sincere hope is that if you see in
yourself what I see in you you’ll be
able to change the planet I started to
believe life series to help us learn a
little bit more about ourselves grow
personally and ideally bring some of
what we learned about ourselves to our
business to have more success so today
we’re going to learn how to gain
confidence rule number three is my
personal favorite and I’d love to know
which one you guys like the best also as
you’re watching if you hear something
that really resonates with you please
leave it down in the comments below I
put quotes around it so other people can
be inspired by it as well
and if you leave it within the first
couple hours of this video going live
you have a chance to win one of two
daily prizes
[Music]
I don’t know if you’d agree with me on
this but in many ways one of the key
factors to legendary success isn’t your
natural ability it’s not whether you
have the right product it’s not whether
you’re in the right field it’s not
whether you’ve had a blessed background
it’s not whether you have the right IQ I
want you to really think about and
deconstruct and play with maybe later
tonight in your journal I want you to
deconstruct this idea of confidence and
it seems like a very simple word but
just think about it in your own life
when you have confidence or we could
even call it fire when you have that
fire within you that’s confidence that
interior bravery you almost have this
power to do whatever it takes to get
your brave vision done you see in this
world it’s not about you know in many
ways your strategy in your business or
your ability in your life it’s about
this thing called confidence and we have
all had these times in our lives when we
are full of confidence and what other
people see is a problem we simply do see
as an opportunity other people see it as
a stumbling block block or a wall and we
see it as a stepping stone or this
solution it’s a confidence is something
that you really want to wire in
confidence is something you really want
to develop confidence is a practice
confidence is a muscle and like any
muscle the more you focus on it and
practice it and train it the stronger
your confidence is going to grow and I
just have to say it again when you are
at a place in your life when there is an
ongoing steady state stream of
confidence moving through your mindsets
moving through your heart set you do the
heroic in your business and you achieve
the remarkable in your life
algorithm secret number one is eliminate
negative people from your life
negativity is more contagious than crabs
when you surround yourself or have
negative little cancerous people in your
life they directly impact your
confidence in a negative way negative
nasty people nasty not like good nasty
bad nasty as in like get the freak away
from me I want nothing to do with you
now here’s the issue when I say a just
get rid of negative people it’s like
poof they’re going right wrong because a
lot of times we have these negative
people or these energy vampires all
around us they might be at work they
might be at school they might actually
even be related to us does this mean
that you may need to find a new job
yeah maybe a new relationship quite
possibly is it going to suck for a
little while now yes in the long run is
it going to pay off big-time
in terms of your confidence yes
psychologists often thought the
cognitive competence as you become more
competent in something you learn how to
do it you’re more confident in doing as
you’ve learned how to ride a bike and
you rode the bike more and more and more
you became more skilled at it you
develop more confidence in your ability
to ride the bike any area of your life
you’re going to go into the for the
first time be okay with being uncertain
be okay with being uncomfortable be okay
with not knowing how it’s going to turn
out cuz it’s your first time but stumble
into it anyway because they you stumble
into it you develop skills you develop
comfort with it and then suddenly one
day you wake up say I’m pretty confident
doing this nothing changed in who you
are what changes your level of
competency knowledge skill and ability
that’s a competency is knowledge skill
ability of talent and so when we finally
realized oh wow I just need to learn a
little bit more hair I’ll be more
confident I just need to apply this a
little bit more here I’ll be more
confident as you develop skills and
abilities in your life in your unique
areas you become more confident study
the alchemy now here’s what I mean by
that what happens to most people in life
especially the victims is they reach a
part of their life you know a difficult
time and they call it failure I mean
even delay
bullying a setback is a failure trigger
something into your mindset to release
cortisol the fear hormone which blocks
your best performance and so you want to
see yourself and you want to study the
alchemy which is where other people are
seeing a failure or setback or even a
little problem you want to look for the
gold you want to train your brain so you
have a dominant belief it just becomes
automatic because you’ve practiced it so
much where when someone says there’s a
problem or there’s a wall or there’s a
failure you literally see the alchemy to
turn the lead into gold maybe you’re
going through a divorce maybe you’re
going through an illness a lot of people
who watch this podcasts are going
through difficulties or outright
tragedies but you want to practice
seeing the setback or the dark time as
fuel to leverage your growth and so on
this first point about study the alchemy
no matter what you’re going through in
your life whether it’s a large
difficulty or a small setback you want
to ask yourself how can I use what I’m
going through as fuel for my growth you
want to ask yourself what is the
gorgeous opportunity hidden inside this
so-called problem I mean and if you look
at the mass of humanity they really
train their brains to focus on problems
right the hit a wall and they just
because of their belief system they
don’t know it because most people are
not really that aware of their belief
systems so they blame it on the world
they blame it on the supplier they blame
it on the teammate they blame it on
their husband or wife they blame it on
their childhoods versus understanding
our daily performance reflects our
deepest beliefs and so if you are
experiencing some kind of setback
whether its large or tiny you want to
train your brain to see the treasure
within the lead but if you want to
convey honest confidence that inspires
people make sure you can back it up as
much confidence as Ali hadn’t as much as
he showed he was just as good in the
ring but that wasn’t everything that all
he had he was also a dominant force
in every interaction watch here how he
completely ignores the reporter telling
him that he’s and pretty and delivers
one of his most iconic lines oh you’re
not the world this kind of interaction
might look insignificant but it happens
all the time and it is very important it
is a clash of frames we talked about
this before in different videos on
Tyrion if you want to check that out but
right here Ali’s frame says that he
should be doing the talking the
reporters frame says that Ali should
listen because he’s asking questions
those two frames collide and Ali as
always comes out on top the winner of
any frame collision is going to be the
person who believes their frame more but
watch here to see the subtleties of how
that is communicated and I want you to
pay attention to three things first how
Ali doesn’t look at the reporter but the
reporter looks at him second how Ali
doesn’t respond to what the reporter
says but the reporter responds to him
and third how the reporter tries to
physically pull Ali towards him but Ali
doesn’t budge that’s what about eight
seconds which is as long as it takes for
there to be a winner in a frame game
these short little frame collisions
happen all the time throughout your day
in tons of different ways and what’s
remarkable is that from what I can tell
Muhammad Ali
always stayed firmly rooted in his own
frame when we see that kind of
conviction we can’t help but be drawn to
it here’s just another little example
that you might relate to when two people
go to give different styles of
handshakes watch how Ali maintains his
frame
you
[Applause]
[Music]
Oh II isn’t trying to be a jerk in fact
he was very playful throughout this
interview but he has grown accustomed to
setting the tone of the interaction pay
attention in your own life in subtle
little ways who do you make adjustments
for and who do you stick to your guns
with that’s a pretty clear indication of
who the leader is in any sort of
relationship now there is no problem
with taking a follower role sometimes
but in certain situations like sales
pitches interviews even dates you are
usually going to benefit from being the
leader so those frame games become very
important ally was so confident had such
a strong frame that he seemingly had no
fear of being honest that might not seem
like a big deal but most people are
extremely afraid of what others would
think of them if they were totally real
I’m a social psychologist I study
prejudice and I teach at a competitive
business school so it was inevitable
that I would become interested in power
dynamics I became especially interested
in nonverbal expressions of power and
dominance and what our nonverbal
expressions of power and dominance well
this is what they are so in the animal
kingdom they are about expanding so you
make yourself big you stretch out you
take up space you’re basically opening
it up it’s about opening up and this is
true across the animal kingdom it’s not
just limited to primates and humans do
the same thing so they do this both when
they when they have power sort of
chronically and also when they’re
feeling powerful in the moment and this
one is especially interesting because it
really shows us how universal and old
these expressions of power are this
expression which is known as Pride
jessica tracy has studied she shows that
people who are born with sight and
people who are congenitally blind do
this when they win at a physical
competition so when they cross the
finish line and they won it doesn’t
matter if they’ve never seen anyone do
it they do this so the arms up in the V
the chin is slightly lifted what are we
doing we feel powerless we do exactly
the opposite we close up we wrap
ourselves up we make ourselves small we
don’t want to bump into the person next
to us
so again both animals and humans do the
same thing and this is what happens when
you put together high and low power so
what we tend to do when it comes to
power is that we complement the others
nonverbals so someone’s being really
powerful with us we tend to make
ourselves smaller we don’t mirror them
we do the opposite of them so we know
that our nonverbals govern how other
people think and feel about us there’s a
lot of evidence but our question really
was do our don verbals govern how we
think and feel about ourselves there’s
some evidence that they do so for
example when we we smile when we feel
happy but also when we’re forced to
smile by holding a pen in our teeth like
this it makes us feel happy so it goes
both ways when it comes to power it also
goes both ways so when you when you feel
powerful you’re more likely to do this
but it’s also possible that when you
when you pretend to be powerful you are
more likely to you actually feel
powerful we decided to bring people into
the lab and run a little experiment and
these people adopted for two minutes
either high power poses or low power
poses and I’m just going to show you
five of the poses although they took on
only two so here’s one a couple more
this one has been dubbed the Wonder
Woman by the media here a couple more so
you can be standing or you can be
sitting and here are the low power poses
so you’re folding up you’re making
yourself small this one is very
low-power when you’re touching your neck
you’re really kind of protecting
yourself so this is what happens they
come in they spit into a vial we for two
minutes say you need to do this or this
they don’t look at pictures of the poses
we don’t want to prime them with a
concept of power we want them to be
feeling power right so two minutes they
do this we then ask them how powerful do
you feel on a series of items and then
we give them an opportunity to gamble
and then we take another saliva sample
that’s it that’s the whole experiment so
this is what we find risk tolerance
which is a gambling
what we find is that when you’re not
when the hot when you’re in a high power
post condition
86% of you will gamble when you’re in
the low-power postcondition only sixty
percent and that’s a pretty whopping
significant difference here’s what we
find on testosterone from their baseline
when they come in high-power people
experience about a twenty percent
increase and low-power people experience
about a ten percent decrease
so again two minutes and you get these
changes here’s what you get on cortisol
high-power people experience about a 25%
decrease and the low-power people
experience about a 15% increase so two
minutes lead to these hormonal changes
that configure your brain to basically
be either assertive confident and
comfortable or really stress reactive
and you know feeling sort of shut down
and we’ve all had that feeling right so
it seems that our nonverbals do govern
how we think and feel about ourselves so
it’s not just others but it’s also
ourselves also our bodies change our
minds but the next question of course is
can power posing for a few minutes
really change your life in meaningful
ways so this is in the lab it’s this
little task you know it’s just a couple
of minutes you know where can you
actually apply this which we cared about
of course and so we think it’s really
what what what matters and where you
want to use this is evaluative
situations like social threat situations
where are you being evaluated either by
your friends like four teenagers at the
lunchroom table it could be you know for
some people of speaking at a school
board meeting it might be giving a pitch
or giving a talk like this or doing a
job interview we decided that the one
that most people could relate to because
most people had been through was the job
interview so we published these these
findings and the media are all over and
they say okay so this is what you do
when you go in for the job interview
right
you know so we’ve fortified and said oh
my god no no no that’s not what we meant
at all for a numerous reasons no no no
don’t do that again this is not about
you talking to other people if you
talking to yourself what do you do
before you go into a job interview you
do this right you’re sitting down you’re
looking at your iPhone or your Android
not trying to leave anyone out you are
you know you’re looking at your notes
you’re hunting up making yourself small
when really what you should be doing
maybe is this like in the bathroom right
do that find two minutes so that’s what
we want to test okay so we bring people
into a lab and they do a couple they do
either high or low power poses again
they go through a very stressful job
interview it’s five minutes long they
are being recorded they’re being judged
also and the judges are trained to give
no nonverbal feedback so they look like
this like imagine this is the person
interviewing you so for five minutes
nothing and this is worse than being
heckled people Kapus it’s what Maryann
LaFrance calls standing in social
quicksand so this really spikes your
cortisol so this is the job interview we
put them through because we really
wanted to see what happened we then have
these coders look at these tapes four of
them they’re blind to the hypothesis
they’re blind to the conditions they
have no idea who’s been posing in what
pose and they they end up looking at
these sets of tapes and they say oh we
want to hire these people all the
high-powered posers we don’t want to
hire these people we also evaluate these
people much more positively overall but
what’s driving it it’s not about the
content of the speech it’s about the
presence that they’re bringing to the
speech we also because we rate them on
all these variables related to sort of
confidence like how well-structured is
the speech how good is it what are their
qualifications no effect on those things
this is what’s affected these kinds of
things people are bringing their true
selves basically they’re bringing
themselves they bring their ideas that
as themselves with no you know residue
over them so this is what’s driving the
effect or media mediating the effect so
when I tell people about this that our
bodies change our minds and our minds
can change our behavior and our behavior
can change your outcomes
say to me I don’t if you’ll speak right
so I said fake it till you make it
like I don’t it’s not me like I don’t
want to get there and then still feel
like a fraud I don’t want to feel like
an impostor I don’t want to get there
only to feel like I’m not supposed to be
here and that really resonated with me
because I want to tell you a little
story about being an imposter and
feeling like I’m not supposed to be here
when I was 19 I was in a really bad car
accident I was thrown out of a car
rolled several times I was thrown from
the car and I woke up in a head injury
rehab Ward and I had been withdrawn from
college and I learned that my IQ had
dropped by two standard deviations which
was very traumatic a numeric you because
I had identified with being smart and I
had been called gifted as a child
so I’m taken out of college I keep
trying to go back they say you’re not
going to finish college like just you
know there are other things for you to
do but that’s not going to work out for
you so I really struggled with this and
I have to say having your identity taken
from you your core identity and if for
me it was being smart having it taken
from you there’s nothing that leaves you
feeling more powerless than that so I
felt entirely powerless I worked and
worked and worked and I got lucky and
worked and got lucky and worked
eventually I graduated from college took
me four years longer than my peers and I
convinced someone by my angel advisor
Susan Fiske to take me on and so I ended
up at Princeton and I was like I am not
supposed to be here I am an imposter and
the night before my first year talking
the first year talk at Princeton is a
20-minute talk to 20 people that’s it I
was so afraid of being found out the
next day that I called her and said I’m
quitting she was like you are not
quitting because I took a gamble on you
and you’re saying you’re going to stay
and this is what you’re going to do
you’re going to fake it you’re going to
take you’re going to do every toss that
you ever get asked to do you’re just
going to do it and do it and do it even
if you’re terrified and just paralyzed
and having an out-of-body experience
until you have this moment where you say
oh my gosh I’m doing it like I have
become this I am actually doing this
so that
I did five years in grad school a few
years you know at Northwestern I moved
to Harvard I’m in Harvard I’m not really
thinking about it anymore but for a long
time I had been thinking not supposed to
be here not supposed to be here so the
end of my first year at Harvard a
student who had not talked in class the
entire semester who I had said look you
got to participate or else you’re going
to fail came into my office I really
didn’t know her at all and she said she
came in totally defeated and she said
I’m not supposed to be here and that was
the moment for me because two things
happened one was that I realized oh my
gosh I don’t feel like that anymore
you know I don’t feel that anymore but
she does and I get that feeling and the
second one she is supposed to be here
like she can fake it she can become it
so I was like yes you are you are
supposed to be here and tomorrow you’re
going to fake it you’re going to make
you so powerful and you know
and look at that go we’re going to go
out of the classroom and you are going
to give the best comment ever you know
and she gave the best comment ever and
people turned on they’re like oh my god
I didn’t even notice her sitting there
you know she comes back three months
later and I realized that she had not
just faked it till she made it she had
actually faked it till she became it so
she had changed and so I I want to say
to you don’t fake it till you make it
fake it till you become it you know it’s
not do it enough until you actually
become it and internalize the last thing
I’m going to leave you with is this tiny
tweaks can lead to big changes so this
is two minutes two minutes two minutes
two minutes before you go into the next
stressful evaluative situation for two
minutes try doing this in the elevator
in a bathroom stall at your desk behind
closed doors that’s what you want to do
get configure your brain to cope the
best in that situation get your
testosterone up get your cortisol down
don’t leave that situation feeling like
oh I didn’t show them Who I am
leave that situation feeling like I
really feel like I got to say Who I am
and show Who I am so I want to ask you
first you know
both to try power posing and also I want
to ask you to share this science because
this is simple I don’t have ego involved
in this give it away like share it with
people because the people who can use it
the most of the ones with no resources
and no technology and no status and no
power give it to them because they can
do it in private they need their bodies
privacy and two minutes and it can
significantly change the outcomes of
their life
thank you guys so much for watching I’d
love to know what did you think what did
you learn from this video that you’re
going to apply immediately somehow to
your life or to your business leave it
down in the comments below I’m really
excited to hear from you and if you
leave a comment within the first few
hours of this video going live you might
win one of our two daily prizes I also
want to give a quick chatter – Kevin Lee
Kevin thank you so much for picking up a
copy of my book your one word and
stopping by the studio and taking the
picture and getting it signed and then
sharing it on Facebook
I really really appreciate this
apartment and I’m so glad that you
enjoyed the book thank you guys again
for watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love
peace it
and our weaker selves think that success
in life is being happy happy happy
always being in the sunshine always
being successful and society has sold us
a bill of goods that if we’re not
successful and we’re not on our games
and if we’re not waking up happy and if
we’re not full of joy and if we’re not
feeling all this confidence there is
something that is wrong and we need love
and respect this could be one of the
most important things I share with you
in this podcast that is just your ego
screaming and that’s why I say flow of
the seasons a life beautifully lived is
a series of seasons a legendary producer
is not always at the top of the mountain
and so stop resisting I encourage you
stop resisting the natural flow of epic
performance stop resisting the natural
seasons of life you see and so what
happens is when you stop struggling and
you learn again it’s a muscle but you
just learn to relax with life when you
simply understand part of living a
legendary business life and part of
living a rare air personal life means
you’re going to have seasons of
so-called success in society maybe it’s
making a lot of money being really
productive being at the top of your game
to receiving the accolades of peers
feeling you are nailing your your your
goals and your ambitions and your KPIs
or key performance indicators and you’re
gonna have two seasons where you’re
confused seasons where you feel
heartbroken these seasons where you feel
depleted seasons where you are
struggling and the more you learn to
relax into every season the more you
will generate this internal power which
I call confidence secret number two
compliment others how does it feel
getting a compliment
exactly it feels incredible it also
feels incredible giving them here’s the
interesting thing about compliments when
somebody gives you a compliment you
order
matically like them more right you’re
like buddy I thought he was a but he
said I know shoes he’s not so bad follow
along the person getting the compliment
feels incredible you feel great for
making them feel incredible and they
actually like you more the other upside
to giving compliments is that it helps
you develop your people skills leading
to confidence and increased social
prowess human developed and exciting we
developed a real sense of competence or
confidence coming from a sense of
integrity for ourselves you know
integrity is I Know Who I am and I am
being that consistent I know what I want
and I am chasing that consistent
integrity being aligned with who you are
your values your beliefs and your dreams
having integrity that gives us
confidence in self right that our self
can stand on its own and be itself and
do what it desires that gives us a sense
of common so have you been doing that
Department have you been really
demonstrating who you are to the world
and you allowed yourself to do that
because if you do that over a period of
time this is the self and I would argue
the soul senses of coherence you know
there’s a cohesive sense of identity
that comes from being consistent to the
best of who we are
confidence comes from that and that too
is will it is decision it is a desire to
want to be a person of integrity and
cost
and that’s what Samsung
word is believe and I believe in people
more than they believe in themselves and
my sincere hope is that if you see in
yourself what I see in you you’ll be
able to change the planet I started to
believe life series to help us learn a
little bit more about ourselves grow
personally and ideally bring some of
what we learned about ourselves to our
business to have more success so today
we’re going to learn how to gain
confidence rule number three is my
personal favorite and I’d love to know
which one you guys like the best also as
you’re watching if you hear something
that really resonates with you please
leave it down in the comments below I
put quotes around it so other people can
be inspired by it as well
and if you leave it within the first
couple hours of this video going live
you have a chance to win one of two
daily prizes
[Music]
I don’t know if you’d agree with me on
this but in many ways one of the key
factors to legendary success isn’t your
natural ability it’s not whether you
have the right product it’s not whether
you’re in the right field it’s not
whether you’ve had a blessed background
it’s not whether you have the right IQ I
want you to really think about and
deconstruct and play with maybe later
tonight in your journal I want you to
deconstruct this idea of confidence and
it seems like a very simple word but
just think about it in your own life
when you have confidence or we could
even call it fire when you have that
fire within you that’s confidence that
interior bravery you almost have this
power to do whatever it takes to get
your brave vision done you see in this
world it’s not about you know in many
ways your strategy in your business or
your ability in your life it’s about
this thing called confidence and we have
all had these times in our lives when we
are full of confidence and what other
people see is a problem we simply do see
as an opportunity other people see it as
a stumbling block block or a wall and we
see it as a stepping stone or this
solution it’s a confidence is something
that you really want to wire in
confidence is something you really want
to develop confidence is a practice
confidence is a muscle and like any
muscle the more you focus on it and
practice it and train it the stronger
your confidence is going to grow and I
just have to say it again when you are
at a place in your life when there is an
ongoing steady state stream of
confidence moving through your mindsets
moving through your heart set you do the
heroic in your business and you achieve
the remarkable in your life
algorithm secret number one is eliminate
negative people from your life
negativity is more contagious than crabs
when you surround yourself or have
negative little cancerous people in your
life they directly impact your
confidence in a negative way negative
nasty people nasty not like good nasty
bad nasty as in like get the freak away
from me I want nothing to do with you
now here’s the issue when I say a just
get rid of negative people it’s like
poof they’re going right wrong because a
lot of times we have these negative
people or these energy vampires all
around us they might be at work they
might be at school they might actually
even be related to us does this mean
that you may need to find a new job
yeah maybe a new relationship quite
possibly is it going to suck for a
little while now yes in the long run is
it going to pay off big-time
in terms of your confidence yes
psychologists often thought the
cognitive competence as you become more
competent in something you learn how to
do it you’re more confident in doing as
you’ve learned how to ride a bike and
you rode the bike more and more and more
you became more skilled at it you
develop more confidence in your ability
to ride the bike any area of your life
you’re going to go into the for the
first time be okay with being uncertain
be okay with being uncomfortable be okay
with not knowing how it’s going to turn
out cuz it’s your first time but stumble
into it anyway because they you stumble
into it you develop skills you develop
comfort with it and then suddenly one
day you wake up say I’m pretty confident
doing this nothing changed in who you
are what changes your level of
competency knowledge skill and ability
that’s a competency is knowledge skill
ability of talent and so when we finally
realized oh wow I just need to learn a
little bit more hair I’ll be more
confident I just need to apply this a
little bit more here I’ll be more
confident as you develop skills and
abilities in your life in your unique
areas you become more confident study
the alchemy now here’s what I mean by
that what happens to most people in life
especially the victims is they reach a
part of their life you know a difficult
time and they call it failure I mean
even delay
bullying a setback is a failure trigger
something into your mindset to release
cortisol the fear hormone which blocks
your best performance and so you want to
see yourself and you want to study the
alchemy which is where other people are
seeing a failure or setback or even a
little problem you want to look for the
gold you want to train your brain so you
have a dominant belief it just becomes
automatic because you’ve practiced it so
much where when someone says there’s a
problem or there’s a wall or there’s a
failure you literally see the alchemy to
turn the lead into gold maybe you’re
going through a divorce maybe you’re
going through an illness a lot of people
who watch this podcasts are going
through difficulties or outright
tragedies but you want to practice
seeing the setback or the dark time as
fuel to leverage your growth and so on
this first point about study the alchemy
no matter what you’re going through in
your life whether it’s a large
difficulty or a small setback you want
to ask yourself how can I use what I’m
going through as fuel for my growth you
want to ask yourself what is the
gorgeous opportunity hidden inside this
so-called problem I mean and if you look
at the mass of humanity they really
train their brains to focus on problems
right the hit a wall and they just
because of their belief system they
don’t know it because most people are
not really that aware of their belief
systems so they blame it on the world
they blame it on the supplier they blame
it on the teammate they blame it on
their husband or wife they blame it on
their childhoods versus understanding
our daily performance reflects our
deepest beliefs and so if you are
experiencing some kind of setback
whether its large or tiny you want to
train your brain to see the treasure
within the lead but if you want to
convey honest confidence that inspires
people make sure you can back it up as
much confidence as Ali hadn’t as much as
he showed he was just as good in the
ring but that wasn’t everything that all
he had he was also a dominant force
in every interaction watch here how he
completely ignores the reporter telling
him that he’s and pretty and delivers
one of his most iconic lines oh you’re
not the world this kind of interaction
might look insignificant but it happens
all the time and it is very important it
is a clash of frames we talked about
this before in different videos on
Tyrion if you want to check that out but
right here Ali’s frame says that he
should be doing the talking the
reporters frame says that Ali should
listen because he’s asking questions
those two frames collide and Ali as
always comes out on top the winner of
any frame collision is going to be the
person who believes their frame more but
watch here to see the subtleties of how
that is communicated and I want you to
pay attention to three things first how
Ali doesn’t look at the reporter but the
reporter looks at him second how Ali
doesn’t respond to what the reporter
says but the reporter responds to him
and third how the reporter tries to
physically pull Ali towards him but Ali
doesn’t budge that’s what about eight
seconds which is as long as it takes for
there to be a winner in a frame game
these short little frame collisions
happen all the time throughout your day
in tons of different ways and what’s
remarkable is that from what I can tell
Muhammad Ali
always stayed firmly rooted in his own
frame when we see that kind of
conviction we can’t help but be drawn to
it here’s just another little example
that you might relate to when two people
go to give different styles of
handshakes watch how Ali maintains his
frame
you
[Applause]
[Music]
Oh II isn’t trying to be a jerk in fact
he was very playful throughout this
interview but he has grown accustomed to
setting the tone of the interaction pay
attention in your own life in subtle
little ways who do you make adjustments
for and who do you stick to your guns
with that’s a pretty clear indication of
who the leader is in any sort of
relationship now there is no problem
with taking a follower role sometimes
but in certain situations like sales
pitches interviews even dates you are
usually going to benefit from being the
leader so those frame games become very
important ally was so confident had such
a strong frame that he seemingly had no
fear of being honest that might not seem
like a big deal but most people are
extremely afraid of what others would
think of them if they were totally real
I’m a social psychologist I study
prejudice and I teach at a competitive
business school so it was inevitable
that I would become interested in power
dynamics I became especially interested
in nonverbal expressions of power and
dominance and what our nonverbal
expressions of power and dominance well
this is what they are so in the animal
kingdom they are about expanding so you
make yourself big you stretch out you
take up space you’re basically opening
it up it’s about opening up and this is
true across the animal kingdom it’s not
just limited to primates and humans do
the same thing so they do this both when
they when they have power sort of
chronically and also when they’re
feeling powerful in the moment and this
one is especially interesting because it
really shows us how universal and old
these expressions of power are this
expression which is known as Pride
jessica tracy has studied she shows that
people who are born with sight and
people who are congenitally blind do
this when they win at a physical
competition so when they cross the
finish line and they won it doesn’t
matter if they’ve never seen anyone do
it they do this so the arms up in the V
the chin is slightly lifted what are we
doing we feel powerless we do exactly
the opposite we close up we wrap
ourselves up we make ourselves small we
don’t want to bump into the person next
to us
so again both animals and humans do the
same thing and this is what happens when
you put together high and low power so
what we tend to do when it comes to
power is that we complement the others
nonverbals so someone’s being really
powerful with us we tend to make
ourselves smaller we don’t mirror them
we do the opposite of them so we know
that our nonverbals govern how other
people think and feel about us there’s a
lot of evidence but our question really
was do our don verbals govern how we
think and feel about ourselves there’s
some evidence that they do so for
example when we we smile when we feel
happy but also when we’re forced to
smile by holding a pen in our teeth like
this it makes us feel happy so it goes
both ways when it comes to power it also
goes both ways so when you when you feel
powerful you’re more likely to do this
but it’s also possible that when you
when you pretend to be powerful you are
more likely to you actually feel
powerful we decided to bring people into
the lab and run a little experiment and
these people adopted for two minutes
either high power poses or low power
poses and I’m just going to show you
five of the poses although they took on
only two so here’s one a couple more
this one has been dubbed the Wonder
Woman by the media here a couple more so
you can be standing or you can be
sitting and here are the low power poses
so you’re folding up you’re making
yourself small this one is very
low-power when you’re touching your neck
you’re really kind of protecting
yourself so this is what happens they
come in they spit into a vial we for two
minutes say you need to do this or this
they don’t look at pictures of the poses
we don’t want to prime them with a
concept of power we want them to be
feeling power right so two minutes they
do this we then ask them how powerful do
you feel on a series of items and then
we give them an opportunity to gamble
and then we take another saliva sample
that’s it that’s the whole experiment so
this is what we find risk tolerance
which is a gambling
what we find is that when you’re not
when the hot when you’re in a high power
post condition
86% of you will gamble when you’re in
the low-power postcondition only sixty
percent and that’s a pretty whopping
significant difference here’s what we
find on testosterone from their baseline
when they come in high-power people
experience about a twenty percent
increase and low-power people experience
about a ten percent decrease
so again two minutes and you get these
changes here’s what you get on cortisol
high-power people experience about a 25%
decrease and the low-power people
experience about a 15% increase so two
minutes lead to these hormonal changes
that configure your brain to basically
be either assertive confident and
comfortable or really stress reactive
and you know feeling sort of shut down
and we’ve all had that feeling right so
it seems that our nonverbals do govern
how we think and feel about ourselves so
it’s not just others but it’s also
ourselves also our bodies change our
minds but the next question of course is
can power posing for a few minutes
really change your life in meaningful
ways so this is in the lab it’s this
little task you know it’s just a couple
of minutes you know where can you
actually apply this which we cared about
of course and so we think it’s really
what what what matters and where you
want to use this is evaluative
situations like social threat situations
where are you being evaluated either by
your friends like four teenagers at the
lunchroom table it could be you know for
some people of speaking at a school
board meeting it might be giving a pitch
or giving a talk like this or doing a
job interview we decided that the one
that most people could relate to because
most people had been through was the job
interview so we published these these
findings and the media are all over and
they say okay so this is what you do
when you go in for the job interview
right
you know so we’ve fortified and said oh
my god no no no that’s not what we meant
at all for a numerous reasons no no no
don’t do that again this is not about
you talking to other people if you
talking to yourself what do you do
before you go into a job interview you
do this right you’re sitting down you’re
looking at your iPhone or your Android
not trying to leave anyone out you are
you know you’re looking at your notes
you’re hunting up making yourself small
when really what you should be doing
maybe is this like in the bathroom right
do that find two minutes so that’s what
we want to test okay so we bring people
into a lab and they do a couple they do
either high or low power poses again
they go through a very stressful job
interview it’s five minutes long they
are being recorded they’re being judged
also and the judges are trained to give
no nonverbal feedback so they look like
this like imagine this is the person
interviewing you so for five minutes
nothing and this is worse than being
heckled people Kapus it’s what Maryann
LaFrance calls standing in social
quicksand so this really spikes your
cortisol so this is the job interview we
put them through because we really
wanted to see what happened we then have
these coders look at these tapes four of
them they’re blind to the hypothesis
they’re blind to the conditions they
have no idea who’s been posing in what
pose and they they end up looking at
these sets of tapes and they say oh we
want to hire these people all the
high-powered posers we don’t want to
hire these people we also evaluate these
people much more positively overall but
what’s driving it it’s not about the
content of the speech it’s about the
presence that they’re bringing to the
speech we also because we rate them on
all these variables related to sort of
confidence like how well-structured is
the speech how good is it what are their
qualifications no effect on those things
this is what’s affected these kinds of
things people are bringing their true
selves basically they’re bringing
themselves they bring their ideas that
as themselves with no you know residue
over them so this is what’s driving the
effect or media mediating the effect so
when I tell people about this that our
bodies change our minds and our minds
can change our behavior and our behavior
can change your outcomes
say to me I don’t if you’ll speak right
so I said fake it till you make it
like I don’t it’s not me like I don’t
want to get there and then still feel
like a fraud I don’t want to feel like
an impostor I don’t want to get there
only to feel like I’m not supposed to be
here and that really resonated with me
because I want to tell you a little
story about being an imposter and
feeling like I’m not supposed to be here
when I was 19 I was in a really bad car
accident I was thrown out of a car
rolled several times I was thrown from
the car and I woke up in a head injury
rehab Ward and I had been withdrawn from
college and I learned that my IQ had
dropped by two standard deviations which
was very traumatic a numeric you because
I had identified with being smart and I
had been called gifted as a child
so I’m taken out of college I keep
trying to go back they say you’re not
going to finish college like just you
know there are other things for you to
do but that’s not going to work out for
you so I really struggled with this and
I have to say having your identity taken
from you your core identity and if for
me it was being smart having it taken
from you there’s nothing that leaves you
feeling more powerless than that so I
felt entirely powerless I worked and
worked and worked and I got lucky and
worked and got lucky and worked
eventually I graduated from college took
me four years longer than my peers and I
convinced someone by my angel advisor
Susan Fiske to take me on and so I ended
up at Princeton and I was like I am not
supposed to be here I am an imposter and
the night before my first year talking
the first year talk at Princeton is a
20-minute talk to 20 people that’s it I
was so afraid of being found out the
next day that I called her and said I’m
quitting she was like you are not
quitting because I took a gamble on you
and you’re saying you’re going to stay
and this is what you’re going to do
you’re going to fake it you’re going to
take you’re going to do every toss that
you ever get asked to do you’re just
going to do it and do it and do it even
if you’re terrified and just paralyzed
and having an out-of-body experience
until you have this moment where you say
oh my gosh I’m doing it like I have
become this I am actually doing this
so that
I did five years in grad school a few
years you know at Northwestern I moved
to Harvard I’m in Harvard I’m not really
thinking about it anymore but for a long
time I had been thinking not supposed to
be here not supposed to be here so the
end of my first year at Harvard a
student who had not talked in class the
entire semester who I had said look you
got to participate or else you’re going
to fail came into my office I really
didn’t know her at all and she said she
came in totally defeated and she said
I’m not supposed to be here and that was
the moment for me because two things
happened one was that I realized oh my
gosh I don’t feel like that anymore
you know I don’t feel that anymore but
she does and I get that feeling and the
second one she is supposed to be here
like she can fake it she can become it
so I was like yes you are you are
supposed to be here and tomorrow you’re
going to fake it you’re going to make
you so powerful and you know
and look at that go we’re going to go
out of the classroom and you are going
to give the best comment ever you know
and she gave the best comment ever and
people turned on they’re like oh my god
I didn’t even notice her sitting there
you know she comes back three months
later and I realized that she had not
just faked it till she made it she had
actually faked it till she became it so
she had changed and so I I want to say
to you don’t fake it till you make it
fake it till you become it you know it’s
not do it enough until you actually
become it and internalize the last thing
I’m going to leave you with is this tiny
tweaks can lead to big changes so this
is two minutes two minutes two minutes
two minutes before you go into the next
stressful evaluative situation for two
minutes try doing this in the elevator
in a bathroom stall at your desk behind
closed doors that’s what you want to do
get configure your brain to cope the
best in that situation get your
testosterone up get your cortisol down
don’t leave that situation feeling like
oh I didn’t show them Who I am
leave that situation feeling like I
really feel like I got to say Who I am
and show Who I am so I want to ask you
first you know
both to try power posing and also I want
to ask you to share this science because
this is simple I don’t have ego involved
in this give it away like share it with
people because the people who can use it
the most of the ones with no resources
and no technology and no status and no
power give it to them because they can
do it in private they need their bodies
privacy and two minutes and it can
significantly change the outcomes of
their life
thank you guys so much for watching I’d
love to know what did you think what did
you learn from this video that you’re
going to apply immediately somehow to
your life or to your business leave it
down in the comments below I’m really
excited to hear from you and if you
leave a comment within the first few
hours of this video going live you might
win one of our two daily prizes I also
want to give a quick chatter – Kevin Lee
Kevin thank you so much for picking up a
copy of my book your one word and
stopping by the studio and taking the
picture and getting it signed and then
sharing it on Facebook
I really really appreciate this
apartment and I’m so glad that you
enjoyed the book thank you guys again
for watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love
peace it
and our weaker selves think that success
in life is being happy happy happy
always being in the sunshine always
being successful and society has sold us
a bill of goods that if we’re not
successful and we’re not on our games
and if we’re not waking up happy and if
we’re not full of joy and if we’re not
feeling all this confidence there is
something that is wrong and we need love
and respect this could be one of the
most important things I share with you
in this podcast that is just your ego
screaming and that’s why I say flow of
the seasons a life beautifully lived is
a series of seasons a legendary producer
is not always at the top of the mountain
and so stop resisting I encourage you
stop resisting the natural flow of epic
performance stop resisting the natural
seasons of life you see and so what
happens is when you stop struggling and
you learn again it’s a muscle but you
just learn to relax with life when you
simply understand part of living a
legendary business life and part of
living a rare air personal life means
you’re going to have seasons of
so-called success in society maybe it’s
making a lot of money being really
productive being at the top of your game
to receiving the accolades of peers
feeling you are nailing your your your
goals and your ambitions and your KPIs
or key performance indicators and you’re
gonna have two seasons where you’re
confused seasons where you feel
heartbroken these seasons where you feel
depleted seasons where you are
struggling and the more you learn to
relax into every season the more you
will generate this internal power which
I call confidence secret number two
compliment others how does it feel
getting a compliment
exactly it feels incredible it also
feels incredible giving them here’s the
interesting thing about compliments when
somebody gives you a compliment you
order
matically like them more right you’re
like buddy I thought he was a but he
said I know shoes he’s not so bad follow
along the person getting the compliment
feels incredible you feel great for
making them feel incredible and they
actually like you more the other upside
to giving compliments is that it helps
you develop your people skills leading
to confidence and increased social
prowess human developed and exciting we
developed a real sense of competence or
confidence coming from a sense of
integrity for ourselves you know
integrity is I Know Who I am and I am
being that consistent I know what I want
and I am chasing that consistent
integrity being aligned with who you are
your values your beliefs and your dreams
having integrity that gives us
confidence in self right that our self
can stand on its own and be itself and
do what it desires that gives us a sense
of common so have you been doing that
Department have you been really
demonstrating who you are to the world
and you allowed yourself to do that
because if you do that over a period of
time this is the self and I would argue
the soul senses of coherence you know
there’s a cohesive sense of identity
that comes from being consistent to the
best of who we are
confidence comes from that and that too
is will it is decision it is a desire to
want to be a person of integrity and
cost
and that’s what Samsung
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