the right words I don’t hurt you because
you have thin skin no tighten up people
check out my nails they’re orange with a
white stripe on them I painted my nails
over the weekend why if you absolutely
can’t tolerate critics that don’t do
anything new or interesting rise and
shine it’s an espresso time what’s up
believe nation it’s evan my one word is
believe and i believe in you i believe
you have an amazing gift inside you that
i want to see exploded onto the world so
let’s start your day off right together
grab your coffee and sip on today’s
message thicken your skin over you david
Goggins people say man you cut all the
time why well I hate to say it the best
way for me to get how I feel across I
can’t sear and say you know what I went
through hell week and met it was it was
really hard no that takes your damn soul
rips it inside out and then they say now
we’re going to start it it allows me to
express right where I was at at a point
of my life if I won’t give you all of me
why the hell am I here why how will you
learn from me people take so much
offense to me you will never learn from
people if we always tap-dance around the
truth oh god I love that we tap-dance
around the truth by finding the right
word so I don’t hurt you because you
have thin skin no tighten up people it’s
okay
trust me it’s okay you might be called
nigger one day
it’s okay you might be called some
Jewish word or some or gay word
it’s okay let them call you that what
are you going to do now they don’t own
your life how are you going to control
that now how are you going to flip it
upside down and say Roger that now I’m
going to harness this and you read about
me years from now
how that’s the question how are you
gonna do that thicken your skin become
more of a human being don’t be afraid of
the reflection in the mirror because
that’s all you can be afraid of once you
overcome the reflection in the mirror
you’ve done it I believe that it’s not
the fear of failure that holds most
people back it’s the fear of failing in
front of somebody else it’s the fear of
judgment it’s you going out and trying
something whether it’s a big-picture
thing or just a little tiny thing you
want to do it but then that little
instant kicks in how will I be judged
how will people think about me and so
yes it’s about thickening your skin but
then it’s how do you do it how do you
thicken your skin because just telling
yourself you need to thicken your skin
you need to act tough isn’t going to
help you at least in my opinion here are
the ways that I do it I think you don’t
think in your skin by doing some big
Herculean thing I think it’s a matter of
identity I think it’s a matter of you
believing in yourself that you’re the
kind of person who when adversity comes
when fear of judgment comes that you
stick through it and you do it and so it
comes from doing the micro it’s in the
everyday it’s in the little tiny things
on a daily basis that makes you nervous
and so the best habit that I think you
can develop if you have the courage to
do it is every time you recognize that
you are playing small that you are
risking not doing something because of
how you might be judged by somebody
that’s when you know you have to go out
and do it as an example
check out my nails they’re orange with a
white stripe on them I painted my nails
over the weekend why so China then salsa
we every day in school my team recently
won a dance competition and so I wanted
to take everybody else to get their
nails done manicures pedicures the women
loved it I was then asked hey Evan do
you want to get your nails done as well
and my initial default reaction was just
a little bit of anxiety oh do I want to
get my nails done like how would I be
judged how would people see me I have
meetings coming up I have YouTube videos
to make I’ve got a lot of important
meetings that are happening in my life
I’m gonna walk around with my nails
painted and because I felt that
discomfort I knew that
I had to go out and do it as soon as you
feel that discomfort it means you have
to go out and take that action Jason
walked in here my cameraman he looks at
my nails and he says you’re crazy why
why I wanted to do that yes exactly
that’s what I need to feel I’m
inoculated myself against the judgment
of other people and that’s what I want
you guys to start thinking about it’s
not about doing this big Herculean thing
it’s not about walking to the gym and
lifting a thousand pounds you will never
do the big thing if you came to the
little thing you can’t lift a thousand
pounds too so you get used to lifting
ten pounds and these are the 10 pound
situations most of them you’ll never
even catch that’s the crazy thing most
of the time we play so small on
autopilot most of the time I would has
said no to pain dinner nails without
even catching that is because I’m afraid
that’s how we live our life every day
constantly and so the trick is when you
catch yourself thinking about doing
something and the first reaction is fear
of judgment then training yourself to go
off and do that thing because here’s
what happens if you think about painting
your nails and you’re worried and you do
it then what it does is it starts to
build the identity for yourself that
when I get faced with a difficult
situation I’m the kind of person who
leans into it and does it whatever scary
thing even in the micro tiny little
scary thing that you want to do that
you’re afraid of how some stranger’s
gonna think of you when you walk down
the street and you do it you’re trading
yourself you’re building the muscle even
though it’s small right now then every
time I feel discomfort
I feel potentially being judged I do
that thing flipside is though if you
don’t take action then you’re also
training yourself to lose every day
you’re training yourself that whenever I
get faced with judgement I shrink every
time you shrink the next time you’re
more likely to shrink again and the next
time shrink again and the next time
shrink again it’s the same thing with
the snooze button in the morning if you
say I’m gonna hit my goal I’m gonna wake
up first thing in the morning I’m gonna
wake up on time 7 a.m. 7 36 30 whatever
it is for you I’m gonna wake up at this
time and then smash that snooze bar
the very first thing you’ve done every
morning is tell yourself that I’m gonna
create a goal and I’m not gonna it’s
okay if I don’t hit it I’m not the kind
of person who follow through on my goals
that’s what you’re telling yourself
that’s how most people wake up every day
and that’s why they lead a life that
they suck they set a goal they didn’t do
it you have taught yourself to not
follow through and so it’s no wonder
that most people can’t go and create
amazing businesses and amazing lives for
themselves they’re stuck thinking about
how do I do this big thing you can’t
even wake up on time this person who
believes that they can’t wake up on time
and has to hit the snooze button lets
himself down every single morning is not
the kind of person yet who can go off
and build that amazing thing and so it’s
the same thing applied to fear of
judgment you cannot go off and do this
big scary thing where there’s gonna be
lots of people judging you you’re not
capable of doing that yet until you
build the muscle in the micro you build
the muscle on a daily basis and so the
good news is you can control that the
good news is you can fail small you can
test all these things on a really small
scale we’re only the five closest people
to you might be judging you but the more
you can inoculate yourself against the
fear of judgment the more you just get
used to it then the less it’s gonna
impact you and the more you’re gonna be
able to go off into the thing that you
really want to do I start highly
encourage you the next time you feel
yourself shrinking down playing small
worried about opinions worried about
feedback worried about judgment whatever
that thing is if you want to do what
you’ve thought about even if you didn’t
want to do it I didn’t want to paint my
nails but I was worried about the
judgment the reason to not do it was
because of judgment not because of
anything else just for that reason alone
I had to go out and do it so I highly
encourage you the next time you feel
yourself feeling that way when you can
catch it cuz most of the time you play
small by default but when you catch it
and you know I’m afraid of doing this
because of how somebody’s gonna judge me
then you know then you know then you
know then you know then you know that
you have to go out and do that thing you
have to do it even if you fail you have
to do it because you were building the
identity that I am the kind of person
who is not going to be impacted by your
opinion of
my self-worth is in no way tied to what
you think about me all I care about is
what I think bubble learn to inoculate
yourself and develop that thicker skin
now I have a really special bonus clip
for you but before getting to that I
want to know what is one thing that you
can do today today like let’s solve this
let’s start building our thicker skin
right now don’t wait until next week or
next month or next year like if this is
an issue for you let’s solve it right
now what is one thing that gives you
anxiety about doing maybe it’s making a
video in public right
maybe it’s posting something on Twitter
maybe it’s telling your mom something
that you need to discuss about maybe
it’s asking a girl out like whatever the
thing is that you have anxiety around
doing just go and do it and expect it
not to work out it’s okay it could be
the biggest failure ever you don’t get
any kind of result but the result the
real result you’re certainly built than
also you’re starting to build muscles
are in the built-in momentum that you
are the kind of person when discomfort
comes your leaning on it and you crush
it so what is that one thing you can do
today leave in the comments below and by
writing it down you’re committing
yourself to doing it and making some
progress thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever you’re one where it is much
love I’ll see you again tomorrow morning
for another shot of espresso and enjoy
you know I think we all take body blows
in the entertainment business you
there’s always something that happens
that makes you go oh like damn like
there’s a there’s there’s moments where
you got to take the knee Lucian was the
first person to put me down to where I
had to take a knee he was he was
basically he told me that I needed to
find something else to do you know it
was that blunt I got offstage I had a
great set
you know granted my material wasn’t
great material I’m new green but I had a
great set the crowd enjoyed me and I
thought that I was going to the back to
talk to him about coming to the comic
strip and doing spots and instead it was
just I don’t see it I don’t see this
being your craft you know I I think that
you should definitely look into doing
something else because this isn’t this
isn’t it this isn’t this isn’t for you
and that’s the first time that I heard
that but I had a guy like Keith that I
was so close to that I told him and I’m
expected to keep him like damn it blue
she said that it’s something and Keith
was like oh Lucien so what come on
stupid let’s go down to the cellar get
some meat and I was like
eat I can’t at a time like this my life
is over shut up stupid he’s getting a
car and we’ll go to other comedy clubs
she like he was so it was so nonchalant
and it rolled off his back and when I
saw that I was like I was still affected
by it but I was like man I don’t know
how he’s acting like this is no big deal
this is me this is my career it is a big
deal then we get down to the cellar and
everybody there is just so what whatever
and we all were so vicious to each other
and we always so mean to each other but
what we really did was prepare each
other for the word knowing I could come
at any possible time we made each other
comfortable with the fact that we were
okay we’re gonna be okay
the best defense to to speech that you
don’t like about yourself as a public
figure is to develop a thick skin it’s
really the only effective dish
because you can’t stop it and you know
your are gonna be misunderstood if
you’re doing anything interesting in the
world you’re gonna have critics the only
way if you absolutely can’t tolerate
critics that don’t do anything new or
interesting and then you can insulate
yourself then think how wonderful your
life will if you see something I don’t
know you’re kind of a public figure and
you’ve probably things have probably
been written about you that you didn’t
think we’re nice that’s true and and in
my rep my advice if you came to me and
said Jeff Asst you know somebody wrote
this and really hurt my feelings
what should I do I would say go stand on
a street corner and watch in a crowded
urban area and watch all the people walk
by and think about what they’re thinking
about I bet you none of those people are
thinking about you I really in your mind
you can do this thought experiment like
okay there’s a woman who just walked by
what’s she actually thinking about
probably but maybe what she’s going to
cook for dinner that night or that the
argument that she had with one of her
employees or whatever it is like it’s
not about us a lesson in branding
whenever trying to brand yourself or any
even company if you change your brand
from what it used to be at a rib right
away you can get resistant so most
people when they get a little resistance
but mostly we’re not fixed in when they
stop but over time if you keep branding
yourself in the new brand then
eventually it catches on like I used to
not have much fitness stuff so when I
parted to start with a fitness stuff we
were like what is all this fitness now
eventually people just associate that
with you and they forget there was a
time when you didn’t do it so that’s a
good tip on branding you have to have
thick enough skin because it’s kind of
like when Facebook changed every time
they changed their interface people go
nuts oh I hate this but then three
months later they can’t remember those
one and then when you change you a new
one
they say no we like the one before but
that one before is the one they hated
could too because it was a change from
the version of
you know one before but Mark Zuckerberg
smarter than people that’s why it just
keeps changing it whatever is better and
then people eventually like it
same when Instagram changed their logo
snapchat changed their you know people
always a lot of people have low OH
meaning low openness to new experience
they automatically hate in the most
important word ever if you had to think
of one word that’s most important to you
or that sums you Apple so it would be
like a little beacon hey believe nation
if you want to know what the most
important one word is for Tony Robbins
Gary Vaynerchuk Oprah Winfrey will.i.am
and Howard Schultz I have a very special
secret video for you check the description for details