you deserve to make six figures it’s
about the action if you don’t listen to
any feedback at all guys you’re never
gonna improve you’re not gonna ever do
anything new so note feedback means
nothing new I’m about to change your
life because this piece of research
need motivation watch atop tenant
believe nation what’s up at seven my one
word is believe and I believe in you I
believe you have an amazing gift inside
you that I want to see exploded onto the
world so let’s get your motivation to
attend and get you believing in you grab
a snack and chew in today’s lessons from
a woman who went from being a career
defense attorney to becoming a
best-selling author public speaker and
one of the most popular commentators on
CNN he’s Mel Robbins and here’s my take
on her top ten rules a success vol 4
alright let’s kick things off with rule
number one take action too many of you
are sitting around waiting to feel ready
you can still move forward when you’re
not ready too many of you are waiting to
feel like you deserve to make six
figures it’s about the action your mind
your history your past you will always
have a million excuses not to do it not
to feel like it not to believe in
yourself they’re all the only thing that
matters in your life and your business
is the actions that you’re taking and
then more consistently that you take
action the faster you will start to
believe in yourself because you will see
proof that you are not the kind of
person that sits around and feels
unworthy that you’re not a victim that
sits by and get sucked into other
people’s stuff that you’re not that kind
of person so it won’t make sense to
believe it anymore but it starts with
action I believe in all of you and I
believe in your ability to get it done
but it’s going to be up to you who is
the problem yeah who is the solution
that’s right don’t we feeling that it’s
the biggest mistake you could possibly
make it remember that you’re smart
remember that you know what to do and
just get it done
rule number two share your ideas with
the world I’ve been in the media
business for ten years when I tell you
that things have changed 1000% let me
just give you an example my first media
deal I was signed by ABC that’s right
ABC the big dog crazy syndicated shows I
was signed by them to do a talk show
deal now do you know what that meant
there was some executive that was
looking out over the sea of talent they
were meeting with agents they were
picking people they were doubting you
and then guess what if they did pick you
they owned everything they told you what
to do Oprah’s uh Nenana Lee the game was
gatekeepers a few media players a sea of
competition total scarcity now what is
it today holy it’s unbelievable
if you have an iPhone you can have a
show
if you have an idea and you’re willing
to put it out there and you’re willing
to start sharing yourself on social
media you have a syndication platform
there is no one doubting you except for
you and that’s why I’m sitting here
imploring you I’m telling you right now
if you have a business if you have
aspirations if you have a dream the
single biggest opportunity in front of
you is to put it out on social media to
start talking about the things that
interest you to start sharing your ideas
sharing and documenting what you’re up
to
I guarantee you you start doing that and
you’re gonna start amassing an audience
that you had no idea was out there dying
to connect with you to learn from you
and to grow with you rule number three
get feedback I gave a speech yesterday
in Dallas after the speech it was a big
audience of people in financial services
a guy dressed to the nines and like one
of these super slick suits comes up to
me he says hey Mel you know really loved
the five-second rule do you mind if I
give you some feedback feedback ah don’t
you hate getting feedback and then when
people actually preface it by saying can
I give you some feedback I don’t know
about you but literally my butt’s like
it just cannot and it I immediately go
on edge but here’s the thing about
feedback you have to take it you have to
take it it is critical critical critical
critical so I want to tell you number
one what the guy said to me my reaction
and then I want to give you my
philosophy about feedback because what
the guy said to me was so valuable and
it was also really hard for me to hear
Here I am
after the speech were surrounded by a
big group of people he walks up to me
and says when it’s his turn in the line
can I give you some feedback
I immediately tense up and this is what
he says Mel I love the concept of the
five-second rule super cool idea can’t
wait to try it okay now comes the punch
in the gut he said you called it stupid
so many times during the speech it was
off-putting
doesn’t that sound terrible that word
and he said I could tell that you were
doing it on purpose he’s right in fact
you called it stupid so many times and
yet you have these insanely power
examples of how people are using it you
came off as defensive when he said this
to me I’m literally you know how you
feel like you’re shrinking in life or
you’re like standing and your full size
and then all of a sudden somebody says
some you’re like I just want to
disappear right now and the reason why I
was such a zinger is he was right he was
absolutely right you see I do call the
five-second rule stupid because I’m in
front of so many analytical audiences
I’m in front of skeptics all the time
and so I use it as a pre-emptive way to
disappear the biggest push back on the
five-second rule which is on its face it
sounds so stupid and so simple there’s
no way it could be so powerful the
problem is I’ve gotten lazy and I say it
too much he’s a hundred percent right
and by hearing that feedback I can make
a really simple tweak to my speech I can
call it stupid once or twice in the very
beginning and then I can transition to
calling it something that’s very simple
and powerful now that’s gonna help me
reach more people with the five-second
rule and here’s what I want to say about
feedback feedback is intense to receive
it really is because you are exposing
yourself to critical opinions it will
make you feel very vulnerable the way
that I handle feedback and process it
I’m very clear about the things that I
will receive feedback on and I’m very
clear about the things that I will not
receive feedback on and the reason why
is if you don’t listen to any feedback
at all guys you’re never gonna improve
you’re not gonna ever do anything new so
no feedback means nothing new if you
listen to everything that everybody says
in terms of feedback if you allow
everybody to weigh in on everything it’s
gonna become so paralyzing that you will
do nothing new so the key with feedback
is knowing yourself and knowing what you
actually accept feedback on and knowing
what you don’t accept feedback on wheel
number four use the progress principle
my life changed a couple years ago when
I discovered something called the
progress principle it is a principle
that was written about in the Harvard
Business Review it’s based on a
tremendous amount of research done by a
professor over there and what she
determined is that
people that feel happy and successful
and fulfilled by their lives and work
they all have one thing in common they
feel as though they’re making progress
on something that matters so I read this
little bit of research and I started
applying it to my life and what I do as
stupid as it sounds it really works I
don’t focus on balancing everything I
focus on just making sure that I make
progress on one thing a day that’s right
you heard me one thing a day that
matters to me now if I can make progress
on one thing a day that matters to me
then I can let go and let the rest of my
day get hijacked by kids by spouse by
phone calls by emails by social media by
all kinds of things that come up and
tend to hijack your day when you’re a
busy person when you have a family when
you’re married when you got a lot going
on and so by focusing on one thing a day
I feel the sense of control in the sense
of progress that science tells us will
make you happy and make you feel more
confident and actually make you more
effective at getting things done it also
frees me up to be more present with my
kids number five be authentic so many of
us have this perfectionism gene and the
reason why we’re perfectionists is we’re
trying to insulate ourselves from
criticism that if you get it perfect no
one will give you feedback if you get it
right nobody’s going to criticize you if
you do it perfect then no one will be
able to attack you and the problem with
that and that’s just another side of the
same coin
which is the fear of disappointing
people you’re managing not disappointing
people not by lying and not by being
codependent but by actually trying to be
a perfectionist so that nobody
criticizes you so let me tell you a
story about the fear of disappointing
people in my own life because this is
the biggest trigger in my life I mean it
goes back to being in fourth grade right
it’s there and this is another thing I
have to remind myself of this everybody
every single day you cannot remove the
things that trigger you you can’t if
you’ve been doing a pattern since fourth
grade
there will be things for the rest of
your life that will trigger that pattern
to come up but you can always choose not
to repeat the pattern so you’ll be
triggered and be afraid that you’re
gonna disappoint somebody that’s real
that’s normal it’s natural it’s part of
being a human being
I think it’s interwove and into every
relationship where you love somebody but
you don’t have to behave the way that
you always behaved when you’re nervous
about disappointing somebody let me give
you a dumb story you ready when my
husband and I got married my father gave
us this really incredible gift he gave
us an antique pool table I grew up in
Muskegon Michigan where Brunswick was
founded and my dad has a hobby of going
to garage sales and estate sales and
buying old dilapidated pool tables and
then he restores them so when Chris and
I got married he bought us an old
dilapidated pool table from the same era
as our house which is the 1870s he
restored the whole thing and then
recently he and I rented a u-haul and we
drove this sucker from Muskegon Michigan
to Boston Massachusetts my dad and I
took a road trip get there and we
assemble the pool table in what used to
be our playroom fast forward three or
four years the speaking business takes
off my business starts to grow we have
people that work for us and my kids are
older we don’t need a playroom we need
an office the pool table is in the
middle of this thing for the first two
years of having the office we kept the
pool table there why because I didn’t
want my dad to be disappointed because I
love him now he visits our house twice a
year for two or three days with my mom
and I kept this thing occupying 1/3 of
our office for two years and then I
realized I’m being ridiculous I’m being
absolutely ridiculous now here’s the
thing will he be disappointed if I take
the pool table down absolutely
definitely they’re always going to be
things that you do decisions that you
have to make in your life in your
business for your family that will
disappoint other people it’s unavoidable
but the fact that he’s going to be
disappointed
should never be the reason that I don’t
do some
that is aligned with my values now let’s
take it a step further when you make a
decision that is likely going to
disappoint people or that does still
make the decision because it’s your life
there’s nothing worse than when you
start to rob your future and your life
and your happiness because you’re so
focused on other people however if you
love people you can still take care of
them when you make that decision so let
me go back to the example of the pool
table so I knew I was gonna take it down
I knew my father was gonna be
disappointed I was disappointed I don’t
have a big house so I don’t eat you know
I don’t have the room for a huge pool
table I don’t have a finished basement
like a lot of people I don’t have like a
cool garage game room thing like I just
don’t happen I called him first and said
I need to talk to you about something
you know the pool table I love the pool
table dad my business is growing so much
I actually need an office and oh great
it’ll be great in the office and I’m
like wow yeah would accept I have you
know through four people showing up but
we got to put some desks in there for
now even with that why you could put a
piece of plywood and they could work on
the pool table and then they could do
the thing and then the thing and now my
heart is racing because I don’t want to
disappoint my dad and now he’s fighting
for the and I had to just say for me
dad here’s what’s gonna happen I’m gonna
hire professional movers in the pool
table business to disassemble this with
love and care we were gonna store it
beautifully when I either get a
full-time office off-site or I build a
barn or I build a different house this
will have its own beautiful room
dedicated to you so we had this
beautiful conversation now was he
disappointed
absolutely when they come to the house
and visit which they just did and they
walk into the office do I feel a pang
you better believe I do it doesn’t
matter that’s all normal I still need to
make the decisions that I need to make
and the difference what’s changed is how
I relate to that fear so instead of what
I would do in the past is I would make a
decision that doesn’t serve me I’d leave
the pool table and then I’d be all about
it I’d leave the pool table as a way to
make my dad happy but it makes me
miserable
to leave it there because I need the
space right and then I’d be kind of a No
and then he’d come and I’d fake play
pool because I kind of want to write you
know you know what I’m saying like we do
all this but that’s not real and what
I’ve been able to do for myself in some
instances when I sketch it is to hit it
head-on and to be authentic and to still
take care of people and what I’ve also
come to learn is that people can be
disappointed in you and they still love
you you know you’re never gonna get
around this everybody in your family is
going to be disappointed with you
probably wants a day probably and you
have the ability to retrain how you
respond to that trigger that rises up in
you where you start to fear that you’re
disappointing somebody and the answer
really is make the decision that’s
aligned with your values and the thing
that supports you and then take care of
the person by being honest and
straightforward about it dealing with
their disappointment head-on because
that’s really the adult thing to do and
that’s what you do when you love
somebody the way we’ve all been handling
it myself included is manipulation lying
resentment withholding and that doesn’t
serve anybody rule number six deal with
procrastination I’m about to change your
life because this piece of research
changed mine procrastination has nothing
to do with work the people that write to
us the most that struggle with
procrastinating PhD students engineers
entrepreneurs people that have a lot on
their plate that have a lot of things
that they need to juggle and that are
analytical and thinkers by nature
procrastination is a form of stress
bingo and it makes you a fat doesn’t it
yeah how many of you can relate to that
she said that what’s stressing her out
is she wants to retire she hasn’t saved
up enough money what’s really stressing
you out is finances and money and the
fear that you have what happens when you
struggle with procrastinating and thank
you for being so honest there’s if it
stresses you out maybe you feel the same
way and we felt that way I know exactly
what you’re talking about you carry
around this dark cloud because you don’t
think you’re gonna make it you’re
stressed about money all the time or
maybe your mom’s health is declining and
it really stresses you out or maybe your
best friends are going through a divorce
or you’re going through a divorce and
that really stresses you out and so you
walk around with this big-ass thing on
your shoulders all the time and then you
walk into work and you sit down and
you’ve got a list of phone calls to make
which requires your prefrontal cortex
and your prefrontal cortex looks at the
list and it’s like oh my god you want me
to make 15 phone calls I’ve been worried
about the money all day can we just look
at cat videos I need a break
and next thing you know two hours is
gone you’ve been online shopping even
looking at cat videos and then of course
you look at the 15 phone calls you’re
like I didn’t make him I didn’t make him
I didn’t make the research on
procrastination is undeniable it’s black
and white
number one all of you that procrastinate
procrastination is not the issue it’s
stress you’re procrastinating to give
yourself a little break at work it’s
sort of like taking a smoking break
almost you know you’re just taking a
break so number one because you’re all
stressed out and procrastinators are
very hard on yourselves this is gonna
sound super stupid but you got to
forgive yourself you have got to
actually have a talk with yourself where
you feel yourself starting procrastinate
you go look you know I really screwed up
I know I’m in a mess financially I
forgive myself I’m just gonna do the
best that I can you have to address the
thing that’s underneath it so that’s
self-awareness of knowing oh my god
here’s that stress again about finances
screwing me over and preventing me from
doing the small things that will
actually fix my finances second thing
that you’re gonna do procrastination is
a habit right you get triggered by
stress the habit is to procrastinate so
when you get triggered by
stress your new habit is oh there’s my
stress again I’m gonna actually tell
myself okay you’ve done the best you can
it’s okay we’re gonna do a little bit
today you’re gonna create what we call
starting ritual a starting ritual is
something that pushes you to start the
best one on the planet the five-second
rule so you’ve said okay there’s my
stress again I forgive myself
now we’re gonna five four three two one
I want you to only work for five minutes
that’s it five minutes make phone calls
for five minutes here’s what we know
based on the research 80% of you will
keep going the trick is starting you see
I want to break the connection between
the trigger which is stress and the
response which is procrastination and
whenever you feel stressed which is
normal you have a choice here’s that gap
in five seconds flat
the habit of procrastinating and beating
yourself up will take over or you can
close the gap five four three two one
and you can make a different choice I’m
just gonna get started I’m just gonna be
okay with where I’m at and I’m just
gonna get started got it good
rule number seven don’t stay stuck I
want to address my comments to those of
you that have learned the five-second
rule you’ve tried the countdown five
four three two one and it’s not working
I gotta level with you the five-second
rule always works it’s backed by science
and hit is helped change the lives of
millions of people the problem is not
the rule the problem is you actually
don’t want to change I’m dead serious I
want I want you to just stop and think
about that for a minute for people who
try to count down but then don’t
actually push themselves forward for
those of you that that are struggling
with self-doubt struggling to get up on
time struggling to make the calls to
grow your business struggling to stay
motivated you know about the five-second
rule but you don’t use it there’s a
simple reason why you’re not using it
you don’t want to change look change is
hard I get it if you’re gonna change
anything about your life you’re gonna
have to face the unknown you’re gonna
have to step out of your comfort zone
you’re gonna have to try something new
you’re gonna have to risk rejection and
judgement it’s scary
I get it that’s why most people never
change so if you’re like Leanne
and you’ve got all the tools at your
disposal but you still are stuck the
reason why you’re stuck is you don’t
want to change yet so stop complaining
about the tools and go inward and
actually examine what are you afraid of
seriously what do you get out of staying
stuck what do you get from staying heavy
what do you get from not making the
money that you want what do you get from
dating a string of losers
you get safety I don’t know you you get
the ability to complain are you the one
that’s constantly dominating all your
friendships cuz you’re constantly
griping about how bad your life is I
don’t know what you’re getting out of it
but you’re getting something the moment
you decide that you’re sick and tired of
it
the moment that you decide that you are
so ready to change the five-second rule
this puppy right here the five four
three two one it’ll be there and it’ll
work and look when you start deciding
that it’s time to change you may have to
use five four three two one five
thousand times a day for weeks on end
because you’re pushing through
self-doubt and you’re pushing through
procrastination and you’re pushing
through resignation and you’re pushing
through fear over and over and over and
over and over and over and over again
and then what’s going to happen and I
see this happening around the world I
know that it works we have proof that it
works if you use five four three two one
and you push through everything that’s
stopping you right now because you this
is your year this is the moment that
you’re gonna change at some point
something’s going to click and the
momentum is gonna kick in and suddenly
change isn’t gonna be scary
change is gonna be what’s happening rule
number eight don’t waste your life
worrying worrying about things that
could go wrong and staying in that space
on
mine’s my ability to solve it to be
present and it robs me of my full
thinking capacity if you catch yourself
chronically worrying it means you have a
habit and it will very much lead to
anxiety there is a direct correlation
between your habit of worrying and then
that becoming anxiety so worry is a baby
anxiety is the big sister because
anxiety just means that the bad thoughts
are now manifesting as physical symptoms
in your body your stomach hurts your
throat is tight or sweating your heart
races and a panic attack is when your
mind gets concerned because your body
state is agitated so it takes over and
gets you out of whatever situation and
so you want to go to war against your
habit of worrying use your worries as a
squeak signal that there’s something to
fix or pay attention to but do not under
any circumstances allow yourself to
become the kind of person that wastes
your precious life time sitting there
spinning cycles it’s like washing the
same load of laundry over and over and
over again it’s a total waste of time
and it will erode your happiness and it
will make you ineffective at getting the
things that you want your life rule
number nine break the negative pattern I
know that everybody’s problem comes down
to one pattern you’re repeating that you
can’t see and that pattern is getting
triggered by something that happened in
your past that left you with this
emotional scar and so for me the thing
that I always always always have to deal
with and myself is the fear of
disappointing somebody so if I’m in a
situation where I start to feel that
it’s an old trigger and so when you
finally have a word that describes in a
visceral way this thing you hate about
yourself or this thing that triggers you
or whatever it may be
that’s where the power comes because now
you can name the thing that was once
controlling you and so if you can
identify first of all the pattern you
keep repeating that makes you miserable
or doesn’t serve you or makes you lose
your power or has your go numb
then you can start to go back and say
well where did I where did I first start
doing this and what was the experience
that triggered it because that’s the
root of the problem right there and when
you expose all of that the trigger and
the emotional button like my I’m afraid
of disappointing people I’m afraid of
disappointing people I’m not worthy I’m
not worthy
you know I’m pissed off that I that this
is happening to me now you have the
ability to change it forever annual
number ten the last one before some very
special bonus clips also my personal
favorite have a good evening routine is
very simple completed the day and leave
no tasks that I have to finish in the
morning it’s that that’s it and so it’s
not necessarily that I have a specific
order but there are particular things
that I do number one totally syndicates
so that means pack their lunches it
means get the backpacks raised and
school season and get them by the door
it means if there’s any forms that need
to be filled out or printed and or
anything else that they are printed they
are ready to go so kids are handled
second thing I love the kitchen clean I
don’t ever want to wake up in the
morning and walk in there and see crap
that I have to do
I don’t want dishes in the sink I don’t
want things on the counter and so I make
sure that the kitchen is clean that the
counters are cleared off and that there
is no nothing I need to do in the
kitchen because it will distract me in
the morning I would feel the guilt I
would feel obligated to get that done
third thing that I do is I try to set
out the stuff for breakfast and the
reason why I do that is because my kids
will wake up at various times and so if
I’ve got that things set up
I’ve just bought myself a couple more
minutes of quiet in the morning before
the parade of children come running down
the stairs starving and wanting
breakfast the other thing that I do is I
go to my computer and I
out the day calendar for the day ahead
and then I take that printout and I take
my notebook that has all of my travel
and kind of everything that’s laid out
for the business that I run and my
speaking schedule and stuff relating to
the kids and I move it all to the
kitchen now why penguins I’m doing this
so that when I leave my bedroom in the
morning and I walk into the kitchen to
have 30 minutes of quiet time for myself
to get focused and plan my priorities
everything set it’s all been handled
there’s no thinking involved it’s
amazing then once that’s all handled I
turn off all the lights and off the
front door when I walk into my bedroom
the very first thing that I do
I accept my alarm and then I plug my
phone in in my closet that is the single
now I’ve got a great bonus clip from Mel
that is around start stop and continue
but before that I want to know what did
you learn from Mel today she’s got such
a great message so many nuggets of
wisdom and you can apply I want to know
how are you going to apply this somehow
to your life into your business don’t
just watch another video make a
commitment to improve leave it down the
comments below I’m really curious to
find out thank you guys so much for
watching I believe in you I hope you
continue to believe in yourself and
whatever your one word is much love I’ll
see you soon
hey guys I’ve got this game that I just
learned for my friend Scott here’s how
it works
think about 2018 and then declare what
you’re gonna stop doing where you’re
gonna start doing and what you’re gonna
continue doing here’s mine I’m gonna
stop saying yes to any phone call any
meeting or any business deal that
doesn’t fully excite me I’m gonna start
a daily spiritual practice right now I
kind of do spirituality light so 2018
gonna start a daily spiritual practice
and I am gonna continue becoming an even
more prolific creator working on a new
book about anxiety we’re releasing the
five second journal and more videos are
coming your way so what are you gonna
stop start and continue in 2018 the most
important work ever if you had to think
of one word that’s most important to you
that sums you Apple so it would be like
a little beacon table Ignatian if you
want to know what the most important one
word is for Tony Robbins Gary Vaynerchuk
Oprah Winfrey will.i.am and Howard
Schultz I have a very special secret
video for you check the description for
details [Music]