Mel Robbins went from having a career as
a criminal defense attorney to becoming
one of the most popular commentators on
CNN covering the george zimmerman trial
she has a TEDx talk how to stop screwing
yourself over that has over 15 million
views which launched her speaking career
her latest book the five-second rule was
the top book on audible and six most
read book on Amazon in 2017
new motivation watch a top ten with
believe nation what’s that belief nation
it’s evan i believe in you and this
channel is designed to be a part of your
daily success routine so let’s get your
motivation to attend and have you
believing in you here’s my take on Mel
Robbins top rules for success volume
seven also if you want to know what Mel
and other successful entrepreneurs have
to say about building unstoppable
confidence check out my 250 for
confidence series where every day for
the next 254 days I will send you a
morning video for free to help you build
your confidence the link to join is in
the description below I know that
everybody’s problem comes down to one
pattern you’re repeating that you can’t
see when you set goals when you have an
intention on something that you want to
change about your life your brain helps
you if you didn’t give what anybody else
thought what’s the thing you would love
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one give yourself up push you’re never
ever ever ever going to feel like doing
the things you need to do in order to
have what you want you’re always going
to need to push yourself you’re always
going to need to parent yourself so what
is the net advice on this what what is
the bottom line the bottom line is no
one’s coming no one no one’s coming to
push you no one’s coming to tell you to
turn the TV off no one’s coming to tell
you to get out the door and exercise
nobody’s coming to tell you to apply for
that job that you’ve always dreamt about
nobody’s coming to write the business
plan for you it’s up to you and because
you’re only ever gonna do the things
that you feel like doing right now or
that feel good right now unless you
understand that you’ve got to parent
yourself you got to push yourself you’re
not gonna make your dreams come true
you’re just not we’re not wired that way
you weren’t born that way you weren’t
that way when you were growing up and
you’re certainly not that way as an
adult and there’s a tremendous amount of
liberation that comes when you accept
the fact that you’re always going to
need to give yourself a push rule number
two hone your skills well I want to talk
to those of you that are working toward
your dreams whatever it is that you’re
doing right now it’s leading to the
thing that you dream of doing and you’re
not going to progress until you get the
skills and the experience that you need
at the level that you’re at I guarantee
you even if you’re working at a front
desk job at a local gym you’re learning
customer service you need to learn that
kind of stuff before you can launch your
own business for me in order to be an
incredible speaker that can command a
stage with 3,000 people in the audience
for an entire hour I first had to learn
how to have the courage to speak up and
have hard conversations in my life then
had to learn how to speak up in a small
meeting then I had to learn how to speak
up you know in a church basement then I
had to learn how to give a little bit of
a talk at a brown-bag luncheon then I
had to learn how to stand on a slightly
bigger stage so if you’re frustrated
with where you are right now because
you’ve got these big dreams and you
think you’re really far away here’s one
way that you can continue to be patient
and you can milk wherever you’re at to
help you build the skills and the
experience that you need as you climb
toward the thing that you want ask
yourself what is it that I am learning
what’s the skill that I’m honing by
sitting here at this front desk job or
driving this uber or lyft vehicle what
am i learning that I’m gonna take with
me on my journey to do that next big
thing because I guarantee you there’s
something in the minutiae of what you’re
doing right now that you are developing
an expertise and a skill around that
you’re gonna need as you launch yourself
towards the next thing rule number three
win the morning so here’s what you’re
gonna do it’s actually simple and it’s
not gonna be easy because you’re gonna
create all kinds of excuses and drama
for yourself okay you’re gonna set your
laundry stuff and when the alarm goes
off that’s what happened that gap is
gonna open up and you’re gonna feel all
rolling I don’t feel like it I’m over I
don’t want to I don’t feel like writing
a song anyway you know like that’s when
you have to take control you have to
take control you have to get up every
morning it begins by getting up because
if you let anxiety excuses self-doubt
all the win in that first decision the
rest of the day aside that so when the
first decision then exercise I don’t
care about the eating as much I know
it’s important that’s put garbage in but
I would rather see you first master
getting up on time do that for a week
then let’s add in exercise every day
ten minutes don’t start with like two
hours because then you’re gonna find an
excuse not to do it get up at seven
exercise for ten minutes then the third
week you’re gonna add in like I’m
actually gonna eat clean this week or
whatever the diet is that you want to
eat right
I’m just gonna add in things as you
master the little things but you’ve got
to get up on time it starts right there
rule number four become a great problem
solver you know we all face problems in
our lives it’s just part of being a
human being but if you ever considered
that there are really only two kinds of
problems that you’re ever gonna face
there are temporary problems and then
there are permanent problems that are
more like conditions that you have to
learn with now a temporary problem is
something that you have tremendous power
to change and permanent problems though
are something that require a different
skill and that is the ability to just
accept things as they are and let the
complaining go now one of the skills in
life that is really going to help you
become a great problem solver and it’s
also going to give you more control over
your life is knowing what kind of
problem you’re actually dealing with
because we all complain about our
problems but to actually solve a problem
you got to understand what kind of
problem you’re dealing with the truth is
you can’t change a permanent problem so
no matter how much a complain about it
how much you try to change it how much
energy you put into it
nothing’s changing it’s a waste of your
time and your energy to focus on those
now when you try to change a permanent
problem you know you aren’t stuck
because you feel like you’re just
spinning in circles temporary problems
or what you want to focus your energy on
these are the decisions and the life
choices that you keep making that might
feel good in the moment but they
actually make you miserable now here’s
the thing about temporary problems
they’re not permanent you may hate your
body but you can change it you may hate
and be unhappy in the relationship that
you’re in but you can change it you
might complain a lot about how your boss
treats you or how you feel passed over
at work but you can change how you
interact with your boss and you can
change how you show up at work and you
can even change your job that’s the
difference between a temporary and a
permanent problem temporary problems you
can change now here’s an a simple
exercise that I want you to do I want
you to make a list of all the things
that
complain about maybe you complain about
your commute where you live the person
you’re with your health your boss the
amount of money you have now I want you
to look at every single complaint you
have and ask yourself what can I do to
change this problem what can I do to fix
my relationship with your boss because
you can’t change your boss’s personality
but you can definitely change how you
interact with her and when you change
yourself and your own behaviors and how
you think you’re gonna change everything
rule number five act I’ve always been
very scared and lack of confidence and
thought that I was never good enough
like some of my partners hold on we’ve
all bought into a lie we’ve bought into
a lie that confidence is belief in self
and so when you’re in a situation which
is normal where you don’t believe in
yourself you’re like oh my god I have no
confidence the truth is and I want you
to walk out of here with a new
definition of confidence confidence is
the willingness to try because when you
try and you take action what happens and
what’s happened for France is that when
she sees herself taking action what
happens is she sees herself being the
kind of person that takes action so she
has evidence that she can rely on
herself and that action is what builds
confidence it doesn’t start with belief
the real way the real way for most of us
is not to wait to believe but to push
ourself to act and through the action
you will build the belief rule number
six use a brain dump so let’s pretend
that this right here this empty mason
jar is your brain in order to do your
best thinking you need to make sure that
you’ve got the full capacity of your
brain leveraged and pointed at the
things that are important to you here’s
the problem when you go through life as
you go through life what happens is you
know your brain starts to fill up with
information and that’s what creates a
state of feeling overwhelmed being
overwhelmed is nothing more than having
a full brain so as you go through your
day-to-day life and you start checking
email and
texts and looking at Facebook and
sitting in meetings and flipping through
television channels and sending emails
and writing Excel spreadsheets and
running and picking up the kids at work
and getting another text and looking at
Instagram and looking at Twitter and
checking out the news your brain gets
pretty full doesn’t it and so when you
feel overwhelmed what I know about you
is that your brain is full of a bunch of
garbage and so oh I didn’t think about
the drain draining I hope that’s not
bothering you but it’s certainly gonna
bother me what you need to do in order
to fight overwhelm is you’ve got to
actually do a brain dump you got to get
rid of all that stuff so that you’ve got
an empty brain so you can focus again so
how do you do that it’s easy to do with
a cup of water because you just pour it
out this is what you’re gonna do you are
literally going to dump out everything
that’s in your head onto this piece of
paper every concern every worry every to
do every thing that’s bothering you that
you’re thinking about you’re gonna write
down
all right and when you’re done writing
down everything that’s in your head and
there’s absolutely nothing left oh I’ve
got something due tomorrow that I kind
of forgot about once you get that stuff
all down on a piece of paper pull out a
highlighter take a look you could do
everything on this list you could but
what should you do what are three things
just three that you should do in order
to advance the things that matter to you
let’s see I got to do that one I got to
do that one and I got to do that one the
rest of this list is complete and other
garbage it’s other people’s stuff it’s
the email stuff it’s the meeting stuff
it’s the stuff that’s not all that
important to me it’s not that
mission-critical
so by dumping everything out I now not
only have the three things I need to do
I’ve got a clear head so I can get it
done rule number seven go for it if
you’re about to do something for the
first time chances are high that you
might embarrass yourself but what it
means is if you’re willing to be the
kind of person that is willing to
embarrass themselves it means you’re
trying something new it means you’re
going for it when everybody else sits on
the sidelines and so one of the things
that I would encourage you to do is that
when you feel that tingling like you’re
starting to hold yourself back because
you start thinking about what all your
friends are thinking about that’s a
moment to go oh this is what that lady
was talking about five four three two
one I’m going for it rule number eight
stop procrastinating you’re not a
procrastinator you have a habit of
procrastinating big difference because
if it’s a habit I can teach you to use
science to break it you see all habits
have three parts there’s a trigger and
in the case of procrastination the
triggers always stress then there’s a
pattern you repeat and in the case of
procrastination it is to avoid doing
something and then there’s a reward you
get a little stress relief the only way
to break a habit you guys is not to deal
with the triggers you’re never gonna get
rid of the stress in your life but you
can one
percent change your pattern of avoiding
work so next time that you’re in a
situation where you feel yourself
hesitate you spent way too much time
checking out the highlights from last
night’s scores what you’re gonna do is
you’re gonna go up I must be stressed
out about something acknowledge the
stress then go five four three two one I
want you to count to yourself because I
want you to interrupt the habit that’s
stored here and I want you to awaken
your prefrontal cortex then I want you
to just work just for five minutes the
reason why I want you to only work for
five minutes is because your problem
isn’t working it’s the habit of avoiding
I just need you to start and here’s the
other cool thing we know based on
research that if we can get you to start
eighty percent of you are going to keep
going rule number nine make the best
decisions if your friend is facing a
problem when you have to make decisions
on behalf of your friend you tend to
think from multiple perspectives you
think about multiple outcomes and
ultimately you make a much better
decision what they found research though
is if they put you in the exact same
situation facing the exact same thing
that your friend is you’re not able to
be so objective because you’re emotional
and you don’t make that greater decision
what’s the conclusion well when you make
decisions for other people you’re great
when we make decisions for ourselves
decisions that can be emotional we’re
not so good at it that’s where the power
of objectivity comes in it’s the ability
to make a decision from a third party’s
perspective
let me explain so if you’re facing a
really important decision and you can
feel yourself getting emotional maybe
you’re thinking about asking for a raise
or changing your career or changing your
major or ending a relationship or
starting a relationship whatever it may
be if it’s something that is emotional
for you you’re gonna have a hard time
thinking about all the options and
you’re gonna be really attached
emotionally because maybe you’re
concerned about the people who may be
impacted by your decision maybe you’re
managing that somebody’s gonna be
disappointed or hurt by what you need to
do for you this is when the power of
objectivity is really important pick
somebody that you really admire I mean
it could be somebody like a Bill Gates
or a Richard Branson or an Oprah
winfrey or maybe have a mentor and stop
yourself and ask what would Oprah do in
this situation
what would Richard Branson do in this
situation what would your mentor do in
this situation
bringing that level of third-party
objectivity will yank you out of your
body in your emotions and it will help
you give yourself the perspective that
you need and the distance from your
emotions so that you can actually assess
your options and make the best decision
for you
what would Mel do if Mel were making
this decision the best decision you know
there’s a really interesting example of
somebody who did this in sports and at
the time he actually got a lot of flack
for it it was LeBron James now LeBron
James as you know played for the
Cleveland Cavaliers for a really really
long time and he’s arguably one of the
best basketball players to ever hit the
NBA so he made this announcement that he
was going to leave the Cleveland
Cavaliers where he had been playing for
ever had rabbit rabbit fans he was gonna
leave them and go to Miami Miami Heat
that was the conclusion you woke up with
this morning that was the conclusion I
woke up this morning he was giving an
interview to ESPN and what he said was
this he said LeBron James needs to do
what’s best for LeBron James
now people kind of laughed at him
because it’s a funny way to say the
sentence but this guy’s really smart he
was leveraging the power of objectivity
Mel Robbins needs to learn how to do
what’s best for Mel Robbins and you need
to learn how to do what’s best for you
and rule number 10 the last one before a
very special bonus clip is write things
down I think I’m stuck one is that I
have a bazillion ideas about things that
I can create and do in courses and
trainings and la-de-da-de-da who can
relate and so actually moving from the
idea and even creating the whole
curriculum and all of that to actually
making it happen
yeah and doing so I have a cool strategy
that I use and I hope that works for you
so I carry a little notebook and I
actually borrowed this from Chris
because when we lived in New York City
he used to carry around a notebook like
this size and whenever he had an idea
he’d just jot it down then he’d stick it
in his back pocket and it was just full
of all kinds of stuff so I carry around
a notebook and this one’s new so it
doesn’t really have much in it as ideas
come I just jot it down in that notebook
and then what happens for me is I get
anxiety because I’m afraid that I’m
gonna forget the idea then that anxiety
makes me get distracted and unfocused
and overwhelmed and so I think if you
were to have a little notebook on you at
all times and when those creative juices
and those impulses go that you jot them
down that’s gonna remove one layer of
now I’ve got a really special bonus clip
on how to not let your friends stop your
growth but before that it’s time for the
three-point landing questions time to
move from just watching another video to
actually taking action in your life or
in your business and if you’re feeling
bold answer these questions in the
comments below
here we go question number one how will
you win the morning starting tomorrow
number two what’s the push that you need
to give yourself and number three what’s
the biggest lesson from this video that
if you have friends that make you wrong
for changing your life for the better
that’s their issue it’s not yours and so
you got to untangle the fact that they
have baggage about getting in shape or
they have baggage about going to the bar
that’s theirs and it has nothing to do
with the decisions that you’re making so
if your friends in general give you
blowback for changing for the better
what you need to say in the back of your
mind is interesting they’re obviously
very conflicted about their choice to go
to the bar and drink every night but
that has nothing to do with me
here’s the other thing you can do if
they start to make you wrong you can say
well you want to go to plan a fit which
was me instead it doesn’t sound like you
want to be at the bar so that said let
me talk to you a little bit about
friends friends are people that you care
about and I have this test I call it the
funeral test if somebody in your life
were to die ask yourself would I go to
their funeral if the answer is yes their
friend of yours that’s the test for
whether or not in my opinion someone is
a friend because it means you care about
them now here’s the other thing about
friendship that I want you to understand
you can care about somebody and not like
hanging out with them and that’s the
situation that you’re in right now that
you have plenty of friends that you care
about if they were to die you would go
to their funeral if they needed you you
would be there if you saw them you’d be
happy to see them but you don’t like to
hang out with them the other thing that
I want you to think about is that and
that’s okay that’s like a normal part of
friendship and the reason why that’s a
normal part of friendship is because one
of the things that we know about life is
that you’re always going to be changing
in the old pattern and the old chapter
you had certain patterns right in the
old chapter of your life you would go to
the bar and drink you would go to the
store and spend money you didn’t have
you’re in a new chapter now and so you
have different patterns when your life
takes on different patterns whether it’s
you’re no longer going to the bar you’re
going to the gym the pattern might even
be that one of your kids is playing with
a different soccer team or maybe you’ve
moved to a different Street in your town
when the patterns change so will your
circle of friends it’s a fact of life
but that doesn’t mean your old friends
the ones that used to drink with aren’t
friends anymore it just means that you
don’t want to
with them you still care about them but
you don’t like doing what they do the
patterns have changed for a long time I
had a lot of drama around this until I
realized that it’s not personal it’s not
personal that you don’t want to hang out
with them patterns in your life have
simply changed the final thing that I
want to leave you with that may also
help you is that remember I’ve given you
the funeral test if you’d go to their
funeral they’re definitely a friend it
means you care about them but you might
not like hanging out with them that much
and that’s cool that’s normal the other
thing that I want you to think about
when it comes to friendships is you can
typically put friends into three buckets
you got friends for a reason you got
friends for a season and you have
friends for a lifetime and one of the
interesting things that I know about my
own life is that as the patterns of my
life change so do the friends that I
hang out with more frequently and I also
believe that as you change and the
patterns in your life change people show
up in your life for a reason the right
people will show up when you start going
to the gym the right people that you
need for the pattern that you’re in
right now will start showing up when
you’re working on your project instead
of shopping and it’s exactly the kind of
people that you need they’re there for a
reason and the Friends of yours that are
friends of yours for a lifetime I bet
you don’t hang out with them that much
at all anyway but I bet they’re the
first person that you call when you need
to talk to somebody about somebody
important those are the friends for a
lifetime and those folks that are still
sitting at the bar and love to blow
money that they don’t have those were
friends for a season raise your standard
Apple at the core its core values is
that passion
[Music]
not one drop of myself work depends on
if you liked this video I want more mail
check out the top 50 rules video we did
on her the link is right there next to
me I think you’ll enjoy it
continue to believe and I’ll see you
there our minds are designed to stop you
at all costs from doing anything that might hurt you
a criminal defense attorney to becoming
one of the most popular commentators on
CNN covering the george zimmerman trial
she has a TEDx talk how to stop screwing
yourself over that has over 15 million
views which launched her speaking career
her latest book the five-second rule was
the top book on audible and six most
read book on Amazon in 2017
new motivation watch a top ten with
believe nation what’s that belief nation
it’s evan i believe in you and this
channel is designed to be a part of your
daily success routine so let’s get your
motivation to attend and have you
believing in you here’s my take on Mel
Robbins top rules for success volume
seven also if you want to know what Mel
and other successful entrepreneurs have
to say about building unstoppable
confidence check out my 250 for
confidence series where every day for
the next 254 days I will send you a
morning video for free to help you build
your confidence the link to join is in
the description below I know that
everybody’s problem comes down to one
pattern you’re repeating that you can’t
see when you set goals when you have an
intention on something that you want to
change about your life your brain helps
you if you didn’t give what anybody else
thought what’s the thing you would love
okay let’s kick it off with rule number
one give yourself up push you’re never
ever ever ever going to feel like doing
the things you need to do in order to
have what you want you’re always going
to need to push yourself you’re always
going to need to parent yourself so what
is the net advice on this what what is
the bottom line the bottom line is no
one’s coming no one no one’s coming to
push you no one’s coming to tell you to
turn the TV off no one’s coming to tell
you to get out the door and exercise
nobody’s coming to tell you to apply for
that job that you’ve always dreamt about
nobody’s coming to write the business
plan for you it’s up to you and because
you’re only ever gonna do the things
that you feel like doing right now or
that feel good right now unless you
understand that you’ve got to parent
yourself you got to push yourself you’re
not gonna make your dreams come true
you’re just not we’re not wired that way
you weren’t born that way you weren’t
that way when you were growing up and
you’re certainly not that way as an
adult and there’s a tremendous amount of
liberation that comes when you accept
the fact that you’re always going to
need to give yourself a push rule number
two hone your skills well I want to talk
to those of you that are working toward
your dreams whatever it is that you’re
doing right now it’s leading to the
thing that you dream of doing and you’re
not going to progress until you get the
skills and the experience that you need
at the level that you’re at I guarantee
you even if you’re working at a front
desk job at a local gym you’re learning
customer service you need to learn that
kind of stuff before you can launch your
own business for me in order to be an
incredible speaker that can command a
stage with 3,000 people in the audience
for an entire hour I first had to learn
how to have the courage to speak up and
have hard conversations in my life then
had to learn how to speak up in a small
meeting then I had to learn how to speak
up you know in a church basement then I
had to learn how to give a little bit of
a talk at a brown-bag luncheon then I
had to learn how to stand on a slightly
bigger stage so if you’re frustrated
with where you are right now because
you’ve got these big dreams and you
think you’re really far away here’s one
way that you can continue to be patient
and you can milk wherever you’re at to
help you build the skills and the
experience that you need as you climb
toward the thing that you want ask
yourself what is it that I am learning
what’s the skill that I’m honing by
sitting here at this front desk job or
driving this uber or lyft vehicle what
am i learning that I’m gonna take with
me on my journey to do that next big
thing because I guarantee you there’s
something in the minutiae of what you’re
doing right now that you are developing
an expertise and a skill around that
you’re gonna need as you launch yourself
towards the next thing rule number three
win the morning so here’s what you’re
gonna do it’s actually simple and it’s
not gonna be easy because you’re gonna
create all kinds of excuses and drama
for yourself okay you’re gonna set your
laundry stuff and when the alarm goes
off that’s what happened that gap is
gonna open up and you’re gonna feel all
rolling I don’t feel like it I’m over I
don’t want to I don’t feel like writing
a song anyway you know like that’s when
you have to take control you have to
take control you have to get up every
morning it begins by getting up because
if you let anxiety excuses self-doubt
all the win in that first decision the
rest of the day aside that so when the
first decision then exercise I don’t
care about the eating as much I know
it’s important that’s put garbage in but
I would rather see you first master
getting up on time do that for a week
then let’s add in exercise every day
ten minutes don’t start with like two
hours because then you’re gonna find an
excuse not to do it get up at seven
exercise for ten minutes then the third
week you’re gonna add in like I’m
actually gonna eat clean this week or
whatever the diet is that you want to
eat right
I’m just gonna add in things as you
master the little things but you’ve got
to get up on time it starts right there
rule number four become a great problem
solver you know we all face problems in
our lives it’s just part of being a
human being but if you ever considered
that there are really only two kinds of
problems that you’re ever gonna face
there are temporary problems and then
there are permanent problems that are
more like conditions that you have to
learn with now a temporary problem is
something that you have tremendous power
to change and permanent problems though
are something that require a different
skill and that is the ability to just
accept things as they are and let the
complaining go now one of the skills in
life that is really going to help you
become a great problem solver and it’s
also going to give you more control over
your life is knowing what kind of
problem you’re actually dealing with
because we all complain about our
problems but to actually solve a problem
you got to understand what kind of
problem you’re dealing with the truth is
you can’t change a permanent problem so
no matter how much a complain about it
how much you try to change it how much
energy you put into it
nothing’s changing it’s a waste of your
time and your energy to focus on those
now when you try to change a permanent
problem you know you aren’t stuck
because you feel like you’re just
spinning in circles temporary problems
or what you want to focus your energy on
these are the decisions and the life
choices that you keep making that might
feel good in the moment but they
actually make you miserable now here’s
the thing about temporary problems
they’re not permanent you may hate your
body but you can change it you may hate
and be unhappy in the relationship that
you’re in but you can change it you
might complain a lot about how your boss
treats you or how you feel passed over
at work but you can change how you
interact with your boss and you can
change how you show up at work and you
can even change your job that’s the
difference between a temporary and a
permanent problem temporary problems you
can change now here’s an a simple
exercise that I want you to do I want
you to make a list of all the things
that
complain about maybe you complain about
your commute where you live the person
you’re with your health your boss the
amount of money you have now I want you
to look at every single complaint you
have and ask yourself what can I do to
change this problem what can I do to fix
my relationship with your boss because
you can’t change your boss’s personality
but you can definitely change how you
interact with her and when you change
yourself and your own behaviors and how
you think you’re gonna change everything
rule number five act I’ve always been
very scared and lack of confidence and
thought that I was never good enough
like some of my partners hold on we’ve
all bought into a lie we’ve bought into
a lie that confidence is belief in self
and so when you’re in a situation which
is normal where you don’t believe in
yourself you’re like oh my god I have no
confidence the truth is and I want you
to walk out of here with a new
definition of confidence confidence is
the willingness to try because when you
try and you take action what happens and
what’s happened for France is that when
she sees herself taking action what
happens is she sees herself being the
kind of person that takes action so she
has evidence that she can rely on
herself and that action is what builds
confidence it doesn’t start with belief
the real way the real way for most of us
is not to wait to believe but to push
ourself to act and through the action
you will build the belief rule number
six use a brain dump so let’s pretend
that this right here this empty mason
jar is your brain in order to do your
best thinking you need to make sure that
you’ve got the full capacity of your
brain leveraged and pointed at the
things that are important to you here’s
the problem when you go through life as
you go through life what happens is you
know your brain starts to fill up with
information and that’s what creates a
state of feeling overwhelmed being
overwhelmed is nothing more than having
a full brain so as you go through your
day-to-day life and you start checking
email and
texts and looking at Facebook and
sitting in meetings and flipping through
television channels and sending emails
and writing Excel spreadsheets and
running and picking up the kids at work
and getting another text and looking at
Instagram and looking at Twitter and
checking out the news your brain gets
pretty full doesn’t it and so when you
feel overwhelmed what I know about you
is that your brain is full of a bunch of
garbage and so oh I didn’t think about
the drain draining I hope that’s not
bothering you but it’s certainly gonna
bother me what you need to do in order
to fight overwhelm is you’ve got to
actually do a brain dump you got to get
rid of all that stuff so that you’ve got
an empty brain so you can focus again so
how do you do that it’s easy to do with
a cup of water because you just pour it
out this is what you’re gonna do you are
literally going to dump out everything
that’s in your head onto this piece of
paper every concern every worry every to
do every thing that’s bothering you that
you’re thinking about you’re gonna write
down
all right and when you’re done writing
down everything that’s in your head and
there’s absolutely nothing left oh I’ve
got something due tomorrow that I kind
of forgot about once you get that stuff
all down on a piece of paper pull out a
highlighter take a look you could do
everything on this list you could but
what should you do what are three things
just three that you should do in order
to advance the things that matter to you
let’s see I got to do that one I got to
do that one and I got to do that one the
rest of this list is complete and other
garbage it’s other people’s stuff it’s
the email stuff it’s the meeting stuff
it’s the stuff that’s not all that
important to me it’s not that
mission-critical
so by dumping everything out I now not
only have the three things I need to do
I’ve got a clear head so I can get it
done rule number seven go for it if
you’re about to do something for the
first time chances are high that you
might embarrass yourself but what it
means is if you’re willing to be the
kind of person that is willing to
embarrass themselves it means you’re
trying something new it means you’re
going for it when everybody else sits on
the sidelines and so one of the things
that I would encourage you to do is that
when you feel that tingling like you’re
starting to hold yourself back because
you start thinking about what all your
friends are thinking about that’s a
moment to go oh this is what that lady
was talking about five four three two
one I’m going for it rule number eight
stop procrastinating you’re not a
procrastinator you have a habit of
procrastinating big difference because
if it’s a habit I can teach you to use
science to break it you see all habits
have three parts there’s a trigger and
in the case of procrastination the
triggers always stress then there’s a
pattern you repeat and in the case of
procrastination it is to avoid doing
something and then there’s a reward you
get a little stress relief the only way
to break a habit you guys is not to deal
with the triggers you’re never gonna get
rid of the stress in your life but you
can one
percent change your pattern of avoiding
work so next time that you’re in a
situation where you feel yourself
hesitate you spent way too much time
checking out the highlights from last
night’s scores what you’re gonna do is
you’re gonna go up I must be stressed
out about something acknowledge the
stress then go five four three two one I
want you to count to yourself because I
want you to interrupt the habit that’s
stored here and I want you to awaken
your prefrontal cortex then I want you
to just work just for five minutes the
reason why I want you to only work for
five minutes is because your problem
isn’t working it’s the habit of avoiding
I just need you to start and here’s the
other cool thing we know based on
research that if we can get you to start
eighty percent of you are going to keep
going rule number nine make the best
decisions if your friend is facing a
problem when you have to make decisions
on behalf of your friend you tend to
think from multiple perspectives you
think about multiple outcomes and
ultimately you make a much better
decision what they found research though
is if they put you in the exact same
situation facing the exact same thing
that your friend is you’re not able to
be so objective because you’re emotional
and you don’t make that greater decision
what’s the conclusion well when you make
decisions for other people you’re great
when we make decisions for ourselves
decisions that can be emotional we’re
not so good at it that’s where the power
of objectivity comes in it’s the ability
to make a decision from a third party’s
perspective
let me explain so if you’re facing a
really important decision and you can
feel yourself getting emotional maybe
you’re thinking about asking for a raise
or changing your career or changing your
major or ending a relationship or
starting a relationship whatever it may
be if it’s something that is emotional
for you you’re gonna have a hard time
thinking about all the options and
you’re gonna be really attached
emotionally because maybe you’re
concerned about the people who may be
impacted by your decision maybe you’re
managing that somebody’s gonna be
disappointed or hurt by what you need to
do for you this is when the power of
objectivity is really important pick
somebody that you really admire I mean
it could be somebody like a Bill Gates
or a Richard Branson or an Oprah
winfrey or maybe have a mentor and stop
yourself and ask what would Oprah do in
this situation
what would Richard Branson do in this
situation what would your mentor do in
this situation
bringing that level of third-party
objectivity will yank you out of your
body in your emotions and it will help
you give yourself the perspective that
you need and the distance from your
emotions so that you can actually assess
your options and make the best decision
for you
what would Mel do if Mel were making
this decision the best decision you know
there’s a really interesting example of
somebody who did this in sports and at
the time he actually got a lot of flack
for it it was LeBron James now LeBron
James as you know played for the
Cleveland Cavaliers for a really really
long time and he’s arguably one of the
best basketball players to ever hit the
NBA so he made this announcement that he
was going to leave the Cleveland
Cavaliers where he had been playing for
ever had rabbit rabbit fans he was gonna
leave them and go to Miami Miami Heat
that was the conclusion you woke up with
this morning that was the conclusion I
woke up this morning he was giving an
interview to ESPN and what he said was
this he said LeBron James needs to do
what’s best for LeBron James
now people kind of laughed at him
because it’s a funny way to say the
sentence but this guy’s really smart he
was leveraging the power of objectivity
Mel Robbins needs to learn how to do
what’s best for Mel Robbins and you need
to learn how to do what’s best for you
and rule number 10 the last one before a
very special bonus clip is write things
down I think I’m stuck one is that I
have a bazillion ideas about things that
I can create and do in courses and
trainings and la-de-da-de-da who can
relate and so actually moving from the
idea and even creating the whole
curriculum and all of that to actually
making it happen
yeah and doing so I have a cool strategy
that I use and I hope that works for you
so I carry a little notebook and I
actually borrowed this from Chris
because when we lived in New York City
he used to carry around a notebook like
this size and whenever he had an idea
he’d just jot it down then he’d stick it
in his back pocket and it was just full
of all kinds of stuff so I carry around
a notebook and this one’s new so it
doesn’t really have much in it as ideas
come I just jot it down in that notebook
and then what happens for me is I get
anxiety because I’m afraid that I’m
gonna forget the idea then that anxiety
makes me get distracted and unfocused
and overwhelmed and so I think if you
were to have a little notebook on you at
all times and when those creative juices
and those impulses go that you jot them
down that’s gonna remove one layer of
now I’ve got a really special bonus clip
on how to not let your friends stop your
growth but before that it’s time for the
three-point landing questions time to
move from just watching another video to
actually taking action in your life or
in your business and if you’re feeling
bold answer these questions in the
comments below
here we go question number one how will
you win the morning starting tomorrow
number two what’s the push that you need
to give yourself and number three what’s
the biggest lesson from this video that
if you have friends that make you wrong
for changing your life for the better
that’s their issue it’s not yours and so
you got to untangle the fact that they
have baggage about getting in shape or
they have baggage about going to the bar
that’s theirs and it has nothing to do
with the decisions that you’re making so
if your friends in general give you
blowback for changing for the better
what you need to say in the back of your
mind is interesting they’re obviously
very conflicted about their choice to go
to the bar and drink every night but
that has nothing to do with me
here’s the other thing you can do if
they start to make you wrong you can say
well you want to go to plan a fit which
was me instead it doesn’t sound like you
want to be at the bar so that said let
me talk to you a little bit about
friends friends are people that you care
about and I have this test I call it the
funeral test if somebody in your life
were to die ask yourself would I go to
their funeral if the answer is yes their
friend of yours that’s the test for
whether or not in my opinion someone is
a friend because it means you care about
them now here’s the other thing about
friendship that I want you to understand
you can care about somebody and not like
hanging out with them and that’s the
situation that you’re in right now that
you have plenty of friends that you care
about if they were to die you would go
to their funeral if they needed you you
would be there if you saw them you’d be
happy to see them but you don’t like to
hang out with them the other thing that
I want you to think about is that and
that’s okay that’s like a normal part of
friendship and the reason why that’s a
normal part of friendship is because one
of the things that we know about life is
that you’re always going to be changing
in the old pattern and the old chapter
you had certain patterns right in the
old chapter of your life you would go to
the bar and drink you would go to the
store and spend money you didn’t have
you’re in a new chapter now and so you
have different patterns when your life
takes on different patterns whether it’s
you’re no longer going to the bar you’re
going to the gym the pattern might even
be that one of your kids is playing with
a different soccer team or maybe you’ve
moved to a different Street in your town
when the patterns change so will your
circle of friends it’s a fact of life
but that doesn’t mean your old friends
the ones that used to drink with aren’t
friends anymore it just means that you
don’t want to
with them you still care about them but
you don’t like doing what they do the
patterns have changed for a long time I
had a lot of drama around this until I
realized that it’s not personal it’s not
personal that you don’t want to hang out
with them patterns in your life have
simply changed the final thing that I
want to leave you with that may also
help you is that remember I’ve given you
the funeral test if you’d go to their
funeral they’re definitely a friend it
means you care about them but you might
not like hanging out with them that much
and that’s cool that’s normal the other
thing that I want you to think about
when it comes to friendships is you can
typically put friends into three buckets
you got friends for a reason you got
friends for a season and you have
friends for a lifetime and one of the
interesting things that I know about my
own life is that as the patterns of my
life change so do the friends that I
hang out with more frequently and I also
believe that as you change and the
patterns in your life change people show
up in your life for a reason the right
people will show up when you start going
to the gym the right people that you
need for the pattern that you’re in
right now will start showing up when
you’re working on your project instead
of shopping and it’s exactly the kind of
people that you need they’re there for a
reason and the Friends of yours that are
friends of yours for a lifetime I bet
you don’t hang out with them that much
at all anyway but I bet they’re the
first person that you call when you need
to talk to somebody about somebody
important those are the friends for a
lifetime and those folks that are still
sitting at the bar and love to blow
money that they don’t have those were
friends for a season raise your standard
Apple at the core its core values is
that passion
[Music]
not one drop of myself work depends on
if you liked this video I want more mail
check out the top 50 rules video we did
on her the link is right there next to
me I think you’ll enjoy it
continue to believe and I’ll see you
there our minds are designed to stop you
at all costs from doing anything that might hurt you
Please follow and like us: