when you talk about personality so
extroverts introverts a lot of us really
I know I did this I was all wrong about
what confidence men
I thought confidence was a personality
trait I thought that people that are
outgoing or the confident once right and
the truth is confidence is not a
personality trait at all it’s a skill
and a lot of the extroverted people that
you know are actually very insecure I
used to be one of them I used to be the
kind of bossy crass loudmouth that
didn’t believe in myself that didn’t
believe in my ideas that didn’t have the
confidence and the courage to really be
the real me
Who I am who I’m not flaws at all there
are a tremendous number of introverted
people that feel uncomfortable putting
the attention on themselves but they’re
very very confident in their ideas they
definitely believe in themselves and so
when you start to separate confidence
not as a matter of personality but as a
skill that you can acquire because
confidence is the ability to move in my
opinion from thought to action because
when you’re a confident person you
believe enough in yourself and your
capabilities that you’re willing to try
that you’re willing to share to me
confidence isn’t the assuredness that it
turns out it’s the willingness to try
and and that was a huge insight for me
and and what a lot of people don’t know
about me although I share this on stage
and I’m extremely open about this
because this is a topic that’s really
important to me is that the single most
profound use of the five-second rule is
mind control and I say that as a lawyer
hmm I will tell you you can use this
stupid trick to cure yourself of anxiety
yeah I wanted to talk about that so you
struggled very profoundly anxiety mhm so
walk us through like some nuts and bolts
of how you use the five-second rule
because I think we’re so my hypothesis
and the reason we found it impact theory
is that the world is living through two
pandemics the pandemic of the body which
everybody understands
so visual yep being overweight dying of
diet related diseases such as diabetes
and things like that but because the
second pandemic the pandemic of the mind
is invisible people don’t realize how
pervasive a suicide is and it’s a
leading cause of death among young men I
mean it’s crazy and then that there are
ways that they can go about attacking
that and fixing the problem so yeah walk
us through that sure I would love to so
first of all I literally have struggled
with anxiety my entire life and anxiety
for this conversation the way I define
it is it is the habit of worrying
spiraled out of control you know you may
say that you are a worrier that’s not
true you have a habit of worrying a
habit is a pattern of behavior or
thinking that you repeat without
realizing it so anxiety happens when
that pattern of worrying about things
spirals out of control and now it starts
to marry and manifest itself with
physical sensations – that’s all that it
is I know that I say that’s all that it
is me personally I struggled with
anxiety I think my entire life it became
quite acute when I was in my late teens
and early 20s I became medicated in the
middle of law school I took us all off
for two decades when our first daughter
was born who is now 17 the postpartum
depression and the cascading panic was
so terrible that not only was i
medicated and couldn’t breastfeed but I
couldn’t be left alone with her so when
I say you can cure yourself of anxiety I
don’t say that lightly four years ago
after I had been using the five-second
rule to change my behavior how I spoke
to my husband how I negotiate in
business meetings how I conduct sales
the kind of parent that I am my health
habits my eating habits curbing the
drinking I thought I wonder if I can use
this five four three two one thing to
get control of my thought patterns now
my behavior patterns my thought patterns
yes you can so we’re gonna we’re gonna
build this conversation because I want
to start with something we can all
– and that is how do you stop worrying
and how do you stop listening self-doubt
this is how you’re gonna do it so all
day long you’re going to have moments
where your thoughts drift and I use that
word on purpose because for me there is
a physical sensation when you start to
use the five-second rule and you start
to wake up not only on time in the
morning but you wake up to your life and
the opportunities in your life there’s
your thoughts drift like you’ll just be
hanging out with your friends and then
suddenly you’re like I’m not sure that
that person likes me and you know I
haven’t heard from my kids lately I
wonder if they’re dead or you know oh
you know as what check it like you just
start worrying about stuff why because
it’s a habit because when you’re not
paying attention your brains shifts from
you being a decision-maker and paying
attention to you just kind of spinning
things on autopilot and one of your
habits is worrying the second you wake
up and you notice holy cow I’m talking
some negative garbage to myself right
now five four three two one
you’ve just shifted the part of the
brain that you’re using you’ve shifted
from the basal ganglia which is where
your habit loops are spinning and you’ve
awakened your prefrontal cortex
you’ve also interrupted that pattern now
what you’re going to do because your
mind is actually ready to receive a
different thought because of the
counting now you can put in an anchor
thought like if you have a mantra if
you’ve got a vision about the way that
your business is going to turn out in
five years if you just have a thought
that makes you really happy and proud
insert that now why does this work it
works because of the counting and I’m
not kidding
we know based on research the positive
thinking alone not effective in some
instances trying to force yourself to
think positive can actually make the
worries worse why well the reason why is
because it’s really hard to just change
the channel what we have to do first is
basically interrupt it and turn off the
TV and then turn it back on with the
prefrontal cortex awakened so the
counting is essential and so you
can start using this today you catch
yourself talking garbage to yourself
because we all know if I were to put a
speaker on your head and broadcast it up
he’s sitting here in the audience you’d
be in an insane asylum because the crap
that you say to yourself is insane and
the problem is we listen to it you’ll be
you’ll be in a sales meeting and you’ll
be undermining yourself they’re not
gonna by oh my gosh I’m in trouble
you’re not even present five four three
two one switch it back get back to that
vision that you have about toasting your
success or this customer being really
happy are you being proud of yourself
whatever that vision may be you can
control your thoughts and this is not
just us talking about it this is a tool
that you can use so let’s take it a step
further so worrying if you let it go
unchecked what will happen is you will
get used to worrying you will get used
to living in a state where you’re
slightly agitated all the time let me
talk a little bit about agitation so
what we know based on research is that
physically in your body so
physiologically being excited is the
exact same thing as being afraid let me
say that again because it is so
important in your body being excited is
the exact same thing as being afraid
your body doesn’t know the damn
difference your heart races your armpit
sweat you’re like you know you may get
tight in your throat you mean your
cheeks may get pink like my do and I get
excited the only difference between
excitement and fear is what your brain
says and the problem is if you have a
habit of worrying guess what you’re
gonna tell yourself is going on that
you’re that you’re like freaking out
that you’re not excited that something
must be wrong
oh gosh why would you say something’s
wrong because you got to have it a
saying that all the time even as I
became a speaker for a living or I’d be
on CNN when I first started doing it I
would be freaking out backstage but even
even though like you know just to come
just last week he’s standing backstage
about to go on 8,000 people heart races
armpit sweat you know my hands get
clammy
I’m not nervous though not at all I’m
excited and so I developed this
technique and research out of Harvard
not based on my technique but something
very similar proves that if you
basically write before you’re about to
do something take a test run a race
public speaking a business negotiation
ask somebody to marry you whatever it
may be that get your heart racing just
do this go I’m excited I’m excited to
give that speech I’m excited to ask him
or her I’m excited to do this race I’m
excited because what happens is you give
your brain context so your brain doesn’t
escalate the stuff going on in your body
your brains not worried make sense so
you can combine this with the
five-second rule so we know how to do
whirring you can’t use catch your
thoughts drift five four three two one
anchor thought if you start to feel your
heart racing five four three two one to
awaken the prefrontal cortex and then
start going I’m really excited to do
this I’m really excited to do this
another technique that you can use is
ask I think they call it interrogative
and territory questions where instead of
giving yourself a pep talk say well why
am i ready to do this why am i ready
because that’ll force you to answer the
question which then convinces you so why
am i ready to close this sale why am i
ready to give this speech why am i ready
so those are two strategies that you can
use back by science that are proven to
actually make your performance be much
better now let’s take it a step further
to anxiety so anxiety is what happens
when the habit of worrying spins out of
control your body gets really agitated
and then you allow your mind to escalate
it into a full-blown panic attack so for
those of you that have not had the
pleasure of having a panic attack let me
explain what it’s like so have you ever
been in your car and you’re driving down
the road and you go to change lanes and
all the sudden there’s like oh my god
there’s a car right there yeah right and
you swerve a little bit and then your
heart’s like food and you may sweat a
little bit and and you grip the wheel
really tight you’re super locked in on
on the road ahead of you but then that
car pulls away and
the the near-miss scenario passes and
your mind starts going okay you’re right
now right yeah right now that’s it
that’s all that’s what a panic attack is
only it happens while you’re standing in
front of your coffee pot seriously you
have that same polygon behind that and
your heart’s racing and and the problem
for your brain is that your brain can’t
look around and say holy cow we almost
got hit by a car right your brain saying
what the hell is wrong with her she’s
making coffee and she’s freaking out and
so now your brain is a problem because
what’s your brains job it’s designed to
protect you mm-hmm so your brain will
now do whatever it can to magnify the
problem remember we talked about the
spotlight effect it’ll start telling you
all kinds of crazy stuff because it
can’t figure out contextually what the
hell’s going on she’s just making coffee
and our hardest rating racing and she’s
breathing really holy cow maybe she is
having a heart attack
a lot of people that have panic attacks
say I think I’m dying oh my god what’s
um what’s happening or you’ll see them
do the deer-in-the-headlights thing
where they got to get out of the room
that is the spotlight effect in your
brain now taking control and magnifying
everything to get you out of whatever it
was so here’s how you use the
five-second rule you use it to stabilize
your thoughts before the panic escalates
and then what happens is it drifts in to
worry and then it disappears so the
second you feel worried you catch it you
train yourself to do that if you start
feeling yourself getting you know your
heart racing you can five four three two
one and use the I’m excited I’m excited
if you if that doesn’t work literally
five four three two one and just give
yourself an anchor thought literally of
you being okay I’ll give you another
quick example because this is one that
we have a tremendous number of success
with and people that hear the example
use it immediately and are blown away I
used to be terrified of flying terrified
every bump I’d be freaking out and and
so I started using this strategy with
the plane so the second that you feel
yourself getting nervous five four three
two one and then your anchor thought is
of
vision of what you’re gonna do when you
get to where you’re going so when I get
on the plane tomorrow to fly back to
Boston I’ll think about walking in the
house and the place is like a disaster
it’ll look like everybody’s stuff got
loaded into a can and fired all over the
you know first floor and so if we hit
turbulence five four three two one I’ll
think about that vision because
cognitively for my brain if I’m walking
in the house and it’s a disaster the
plane made it that’s the power of this
it’s incredible incredible what I love
about email is that hey I love how raw
and real you are about your own
situation which because people are gonna
look at you and the first thing they’re
gonna want to do is make your
extraordinary is way not to have to like
live up to your standard because what
you’ve accomplished really is
astonishing and seeing you on stage is
unbelievable unbelievable you’re so good
at that and I know that it comes from
working your ass off but wow it’s very
very impressive
thank you but then that you use
techniques like that you’ve got answers
for you know how have I done this I’ve
done it like this and I’ve had guests
sit across from me that that’s not their
stick right like they have done truly
extraordinary things with their life but
they seem just like totally blind to how
they did it and the fact that you can
walk people through it is so cool well I
think we’re all flawed and that’s the
beauty of who you are and instead of
trying to make yourself perfect in every
area it’s so much easier when you accept
the things that you’re terrible or at or
that are your weaknesses or that are the
things about your wiring look if I were
diabetic I would take insulin I happen
to be somebody that’s wired for anxiety
no big deal
so figure out how to instead of fighting
those things actually trick it because
the truth is that you’re never gonna
feel ready to make these changes you’re
never gonna feel like doing them but you
can always make a decision that’s always
in your control staying with somebody
that treats you like garbage is a
decision it is staying at a job that you
hate is a decision staying in the body
that you are not proud of is a decision
is it going to be easy
no it’s not gonna be easy to change it’s
simple to a Google search and then use
the five-second rule to force yourself
to do that stuff
change comes down to five second
decisions and this is why the
five-second rule is important for
everybody to know it’s your job to push
yourself and I don’t care if you’re dr.
Martin Luther King jr. or your
Michelangelo or your lin-manuel Miranda
who wrote Hamilton you will struggle
with self-doubt and everybody that you
admire everybody and the list is the
same Ferriero Oprah Winfrey and I want
to be like you know Tom and I want to be
like you know Branson and I want to be
like jay-z and I want like everybody’s
listed as a Bill Gates and do you know
what those people do they do not have
the habit of hesitating they trust
themselves in today’s world where you
have the Internet you can literally
learn launch do anything anything the
only thing that’s truly stopping you are
the limiting patterns that you think
that the self-doubt the fear the habits that you have and you can break them
extroverts introverts a lot of us really
I know I did this I was all wrong about
what confidence men
I thought confidence was a personality
trait I thought that people that are
outgoing or the confident once right and
the truth is confidence is not a
personality trait at all it’s a skill
and a lot of the extroverted people that
you know are actually very insecure I
used to be one of them I used to be the
kind of bossy crass loudmouth that
didn’t believe in myself that didn’t
believe in my ideas that didn’t have the
confidence and the courage to really be
the real me
Who I am who I’m not flaws at all there
are a tremendous number of introverted
people that feel uncomfortable putting
the attention on themselves but they’re
very very confident in their ideas they
definitely believe in themselves and so
when you start to separate confidence
not as a matter of personality but as a
skill that you can acquire because
confidence is the ability to move in my
opinion from thought to action because
when you’re a confident person you
believe enough in yourself and your
capabilities that you’re willing to try
that you’re willing to share to me
confidence isn’t the assuredness that it
turns out it’s the willingness to try
and and that was a huge insight for me
and and what a lot of people don’t know
about me although I share this on stage
and I’m extremely open about this
because this is a topic that’s really
important to me is that the single most
profound use of the five-second rule is
mind control and I say that as a lawyer
hmm I will tell you you can use this
stupid trick to cure yourself of anxiety
yeah I wanted to talk about that so you
struggled very profoundly anxiety mhm so
walk us through like some nuts and bolts
of how you use the five-second rule
because I think we’re so my hypothesis
and the reason we found it impact theory
is that the world is living through two
pandemics the pandemic of the body which
everybody understands
so visual yep being overweight dying of
diet related diseases such as diabetes
and things like that but because the
second pandemic the pandemic of the mind
is invisible people don’t realize how
pervasive a suicide is and it’s a
leading cause of death among young men I
mean it’s crazy and then that there are
ways that they can go about attacking
that and fixing the problem so yeah walk
us through that sure I would love to so
first of all I literally have struggled
with anxiety my entire life and anxiety
for this conversation the way I define
it is it is the habit of worrying
spiraled out of control you know you may
say that you are a worrier that’s not
true you have a habit of worrying a
habit is a pattern of behavior or
thinking that you repeat without
realizing it so anxiety happens when
that pattern of worrying about things
spirals out of control and now it starts
to marry and manifest itself with
physical sensations – that’s all that it
is I know that I say that’s all that it
is me personally I struggled with
anxiety I think my entire life it became
quite acute when I was in my late teens
and early 20s I became medicated in the
middle of law school I took us all off
for two decades when our first daughter
was born who is now 17 the postpartum
depression and the cascading panic was
so terrible that not only was i
medicated and couldn’t breastfeed but I
couldn’t be left alone with her so when
I say you can cure yourself of anxiety I
don’t say that lightly four years ago
after I had been using the five-second
rule to change my behavior how I spoke
to my husband how I negotiate in
business meetings how I conduct sales
the kind of parent that I am my health
habits my eating habits curbing the
drinking I thought I wonder if I can use
this five four three two one thing to
get control of my thought patterns now
my behavior patterns my thought patterns
yes you can so we’re gonna we’re gonna
build this conversation because I want
to start with something we can all
– and that is how do you stop worrying
and how do you stop listening self-doubt
this is how you’re gonna do it so all
day long you’re going to have moments
where your thoughts drift and I use that
word on purpose because for me there is
a physical sensation when you start to
use the five-second rule and you start
to wake up not only on time in the
morning but you wake up to your life and
the opportunities in your life there’s
your thoughts drift like you’ll just be
hanging out with your friends and then
suddenly you’re like I’m not sure that
that person likes me and you know I
haven’t heard from my kids lately I
wonder if they’re dead or you know oh
you know as what check it like you just
start worrying about stuff why because
it’s a habit because when you’re not
paying attention your brains shifts from
you being a decision-maker and paying
attention to you just kind of spinning
things on autopilot and one of your
habits is worrying the second you wake
up and you notice holy cow I’m talking
some negative garbage to myself right
now five four three two one
you’ve just shifted the part of the
brain that you’re using you’ve shifted
from the basal ganglia which is where
your habit loops are spinning and you’ve
awakened your prefrontal cortex
you’ve also interrupted that pattern now
what you’re going to do because your
mind is actually ready to receive a
different thought because of the
counting now you can put in an anchor
thought like if you have a mantra if
you’ve got a vision about the way that
your business is going to turn out in
five years if you just have a thought
that makes you really happy and proud
insert that now why does this work it
works because of the counting and I’m
not kidding
we know based on research the positive
thinking alone not effective in some
instances trying to force yourself to
think positive can actually make the
worries worse why well the reason why is
because it’s really hard to just change
the channel what we have to do first is
basically interrupt it and turn off the
TV and then turn it back on with the
prefrontal cortex awakened so the
counting is essential and so you
can start using this today you catch
yourself talking garbage to yourself
because we all know if I were to put a
speaker on your head and broadcast it up
he’s sitting here in the audience you’d
be in an insane asylum because the crap
that you say to yourself is insane and
the problem is we listen to it you’ll be
you’ll be in a sales meeting and you’ll
be undermining yourself they’re not
gonna by oh my gosh I’m in trouble
you’re not even present five four three
two one switch it back get back to that
vision that you have about toasting your
success or this customer being really
happy are you being proud of yourself
whatever that vision may be you can
control your thoughts and this is not
just us talking about it this is a tool
that you can use so let’s take it a step
further so worrying if you let it go
unchecked what will happen is you will
get used to worrying you will get used
to living in a state where you’re
slightly agitated all the time let me
talk a little bit about agitation so
what we know based on research is that
physically in your body so
physiologically being excited is the
exact same thing as being afraid let me
say that again because it is so
important in your body being excited is
the exact same thing as being afraid
your body doesn’t know the damn
difference your heart races your armpit
sweat you’re like you know you may get
tight in your throat you mean your
cheeks may get pink like my do and I get
excited the only difference between
excitement and fear is what your brain
says and the problem is if you have a
habit of worrying guess what you’re
gonna tell yourself is going on that
you’re that you’re like freaking out
that you’re not excited that something
must be wrong
oh gosh why would you say something’s
wrong because you got to have it a
saying that all the time even as I
became a speaker for a living or I’d be
on CNN when I first started doing it I
would be freaking out backstage but even
even though like you know just to come
just last week he’s standing backstage
about to go on 8,000 people heart races
armpit sweat you know my hands get
clammy
I’m not nervous though not at all I’m
excited and so I developed this
technique and research out of Harvard
not based on my technique but something
very similar proves that if you
basically write before you’re about to
do something take a test run a race
public speaking a business negotiation
ask somebody to marry you whatever it
may be that get your heart racing just
do this go I’m excited I’m excited to
give that speech I’m excited to ask him
or her I’m excited to do this race I’m
excited because what happens is you give
your brain context so your brain doesn’t
escalate the stuff going on in your body
your brains not worried make sense so
you can combine this with the
five-second rule so we know how to do
whirring you can’t use catch your
thoughts drift five four three two one
anchor thought if you start to feel your
heart racing five four three two one to
awaken the prefrontal cortex and then
start going I’m really excited to do
this I’m really excited to do this
another technique that you can use is
ask I think they call it interrogative
and territory questions where instead of
giving yourself a pep talk say well why
am i ready to do this why am i ready
because that’ll force you to answer the
question which then convinces you so why
am i ready to close this sale why am i
ready to give this speech why am i ready
so those are two strategies that you can
use back by science that are proven to
actually make your performance be much
better now let’s take it a step further
to anxiety so anxiety is what happens
when the habit of worrying spins out of
control your body gets really agitated
and then you allow your mind to escalate
it into a full-blown panic attack so for
those of you that have not had the
pleasure of having a panic attack let me
explain what it’s like so have you ever
been in your car and you’re driving down
the road and you go to change lanes and
all the sudden there’s like oh my god
there’s a car right there yeah right and
you swerve a little bit and then your
heart’s like food and you may sweat a
little bit and and you grip the wheel
really tight you’re super locked in on
on the road ahead of you but then that
car pulls away and
the the near-miss scenario passes and
your mind starts going okay you’re right
now right yeah right now that’s it
that’s all that’s what a panic attack is
only it happens while you’re standing in
front of your coffee pot seriously you
have that same polygon behind that and
your heart’s racing and and the problem
for your brain is that your brain can’t
look around and say holy cow we almost
got hit by a car right your brain saying
what the hell is wrong with her she’s
making coffee and she’s freaking out and
so now your brain is a problem because
what’s your brains job it’s designed to
protect you mm-hmm so your brain will
now do whatever it can to magnify the
problem remember we talked about the
spotlight effect it’ll start telling you
all kinds of crazy stuff because it
can’t figure out contextually what the
hell’s going on she’s just making coffee
and our hardest rating racing and she’s
breathing really holy cow maybe she is
having a heart attack
a lot of people that have panic attacks
say I think I’m dying oh my god what’s
um what’s happening or you’ll see them
do the deer-in-the-headlights thing
where they got to get out of the room
that is the spotlight effect in your
brain now taking control and magnifying
everything to get you out of whatever it
was so here’s how you use the
five-second rule you use it to stabilize
your thoughts before the panic escalates
and then what happens is it drifts in to
worry and then it disappears so the
second you feel worried you catch it you
train yourself to do that if you start
feeling yourself getting you know your
heart racing you can five four three two
one and use the I’m excited I’m excited
if you if that doesn’t work literally
five four three two one and just give
yourself an anchor thought literally of
you being okay I’ll give you another
quick example because this is one that
we have a tremendous number of success
with and people that hear the example
use it immediately and are blown away I
used to be terrified of flying terrified
every bump I’d be freaking out and and
so I started using this strategy with
the plane so the second that you feel
yourself getting nervous five four three
two one and then your anchor thought is
of
vision of what you’re gonna do when you
get to where you’re going so when I get
on the plane tomorrow to fly back to
Boston I’ll think about walking in the
house and the place is like a disaster
it’ll look like everybody’s stuff got
loaded into a can and fired all over the
you know first floor and so if we hit
turbulence five four three two one I’ll
think about that vision because
cognitively for my brain if I’m walking
in the house and it’s a disaster the
plane made it that’s the power of this
it’s incredible incredible what I love
about email is that hey I love how raw
and real you are about your own
situation which because people are gonna
look at you and the first thing they’re
gonna want to do is make your
extraordinary is way not to have to like
live up to your standard because what
you’ve accomplished really is
astonishing and seeing you on stage is
unbelievable unbelievable you’re so good
at that and I know that it comes from
working your ass off but wow it’s very
very impressive
thank you but then that you use
techniques like that you’ve got answers
for you know how have I done this I’ve
done it like this and I’ve had guests
sit across from me that that’s not their
stick right like they have done truly
extraordinary things with their life but
they seem just like totally blind to how
they did it and the fact that you can
walk people through it is so cool well I
think we’re all flawed and that’s the
beauty of who you are and instead of
trying to make yourself perfect in every
area it’s so much easier when you accept
the things that you’re terrible or at or
that are your weaknesses or that are the
things about your wiring look if I were
diabetic I would take insulin I happen
to be somebody that’s wired for anxiety
no big deal
so figure out how to instead of fighting
those things actually trick it because
the truth is that you’re never gonna
feel ready to make these changes you’re
never gonna feel like doing them but you
can always make a decision that’s always
in your control staying with somebody
that treats you like garbage is a
decision it is staying at a job that you
hate is a decision staying in the body
that you are not proud of is a decision
is it going to be easy
no it’s not gonna be easy to change it’s
simple to a Google search and then use
the five-second rule to force yourself
to do that stuff
change comes down to five second
decisions and this is why the
five-second rule is important for
everybody to know it’s your job to push
yourself and I don’t care if you’re dr.
Martin Luther King jr. or your
Michelangelo or your lin-manuel Miranda
who wrote Hamilton you will struggle
with self-doubt and everybody that you
admire everybody and the list is the
same Ferriero Oprah Winfrey and I want
to be like you know Tom and I want to be
like you know Branson and I want to be
like jay-z and I want like everybody’s
listed as a Bill Gates and do you know
what those people do they do not have
the habit of hesitating they trust
themselves in today’s world where you
have the Internet you can literally
learn launch do anything anything the
only thing that’s truly stopping you are
the limiting patterns that you think
that the self-doubt the fear the habits that you have and you can break them
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