I was born at the intersection of east
and west
when you look at my parents you will see
that my mother is actually an
african-american woman with family roots
in Magee Mississippi my father is
actually a sick American Indian his
family is from Punjab India when you
looked at my house it looked like every
other home on the block but when you
actually got into my house you would see
that it functioned very differently in
my home East met West my house
functioned like an Indian village and an
American city black we were perpetually
hosting extended family and friends and
at any given time we could have up to 30
people living in that house we would
cram in undies and uncles and cousins
and grandparents into that 3-bedroom
1950s ranch-style home and so you can
imagine with 30 people in that house
there was always a constant murmur of
noises and voices my grandmother would
be doing her daily prayers in the back
room chanting and there would be
pulsating music R&B music coming from
the kitchen the children will be running
through the house screaming in English
and the adults would be telling us to be
quiet
in Punjabi a chopped piccata as soon as
you walked into the house your clothes
and your skin would take on the flavor
of our fusion cuisine my mom would be in
the kitchen stir in a big pot of grits
and watching her cornbread and flipping
roti with the other hand on an open fire
around nine o’clock my
dad would come home he would choke his
long beard and he would take off his red
turban and then he would gather us all
together into the living room we would
sit on the floor and that is where we
would have dinner because there was no
table big enough for my family and there
on that floor where East met West where
black met brown where we would say
Baptist prayers underneath our large
pictures of the gurus before eating mac
and cheese and curry chicken is where I
learned to be a bridge builder
you see the adults in my home depended
on me to translate in that home they
depended on me to translate the
languages and the customs and the
cultures and so it was my responsibility
to show everybody how my daddy would
wrap his turban every day and why Big
Momma
would Rock her crowns on Sunday morning
and I loved being the bridge builder in
that home I loved being able to be in
that space and bringing together two
groups of people that I absolutely
adored I loved being able to create a
bridge where we could go from one side
to the other side and I could be the
person who was the guide and because I
grew up in a home that really encouraged
this kind of exploration
I was excited about seeing the rest of
the world I was anxious to see the rest
of the world and so when the first day
of school actually came you could not
contain my excitement
the night before I actually laid out my
dress and my shoes and I packed and
unpacked my backpack like 10 times and
then on the morning of school starting I
got up before anybody else in the house
was actually stirring after a array of
hugs and kisses and prayers I was
ushered onto the bus and I walked up
those stairs and when I got to the top
is when I realized wait this going to
school thing is kind of terrifying
so I split into a seat right in back of
the bus driver my home and my family
started to fade out the window and all
of a sudden I felt something something
was hitting me in the back of the head
it was boom and then again boom boom
harder and harder faster and faster I
turned around to see what was going on
what was hitting me in the head what was
messing up the beautiful braids my mom
had wrangled into this that morning and
when I turned around I realized that a
little boy had actually snuck up behind
me he was in the seat behind me and he
was hitting me on the back of the head
he looked at me actually he glared at me
and before I could ask him why he was
hitting me he said do you know why God
what God said when he made black people
oops I burnt another batch now if I
could go back to that moment that five
year old girl I would tell her that he
was wrong that God has room for
everybody I would make sure that that
young man had some professional
attention because now as an adult I can
see that he was being neglected I would
use my education to go down the list of
things that had been manifested in that
moment all the isms the power structures
I would be able to just delineate every
single one of them but I didn’t say or
do anything because I was a child all I
knew is that I was scared sad and angry
I was scared that that point was gonna
keep hitting me on the back of the head
and I was sad that somebody had made me
feel like I didn’t belong but most of
all I was angry I didn’t have the words
then to express why I was so angry but I
know now that I was angry because
somebody looked at me somebody looked at
my skin this mixed girl and decided to
other me to make me look
to think that I was a bird back when I
got back on the bus
that evening I curled up into a ball and
I tried to make myself as small as I
could and I put myself in the corner of
one of the bus seats because I was
trying to hide and I was trying to
occupy my mind with other things but the
only thing I could think of how was what
had happened to me on the bus that
morning why had that boy treated me that
way it called it to question everything
that I knew to be true about the world
it called into question what it meant to
be a bridge builder I asked my questions
and these questions about being a bridge
builder what was that a fake thing was
that gonna be used against me was my
bridge real would anybody else want to
cross my bridge or was my bridge only
something I did with my family and our
friends I had so much doubt in me and
then the bus stopped at my stop and the
doors opened and there was my family
about a dozen of them in brightly
colored clothes with their beautiful
black and brown arms and I ran across
the pavement into their arms and they
embraced me and I remembered in that
moment that what happened on the bus did
not discount what was going on in my
home every day you see I learned a lot
on my first day of kindergarten I
learned that sometimes the hardest
bridge to bril is actually the one to
the boy who lives just two blocks away I
learned that sometimes there would be
people who would look at me and not see
me as a reflection of what happens when
east meets west and falls in love but as
a burnt batch what do you know what else
I learned that day I learned that my
bridge was real and that it was powerful
and then it was resilient I learned that
my bridge was strong and I may
a decision that I was not going to turn
my back on my bridge nor was I going to
try and hide on my bridge but what I was
going to try and do is build more
bridges and that is how I live my life
in my professional space I have tried to
build more bridges I have tried to build
a bridge between my professional
training in business and law and social
justice with what I believe to be my
personal mission in life to move power
to marginalized communities I have done
it in my personal space my husband and I
have worked so hard to make sure that
our two little boys understand not only
their cultural heritage but the beauty
of the cultures that we have in this
world you want to get a flavor of it my
boys are named Zephaniah and Zion two
Hebrew names they go to Pentecostal
churches they actually adhere to the
tenants of Sikhism and the oldest one
has the nerve now to try and learn
Mandarin you see we are trying to teach
our children how to build bridges how to
build bridges through division now those
convictions may seem impressive they may
seem kind of lofty you may be even
inspired by them so how ironic that my
convictions almost all came tumbling
down on the day that my son started
kindergarten we were standing outside
waiting for the bus to come and
everything was fine the kids were
running around they were dancing they’re
playing the bus started to come towards
us and then my son grabbed my hand and
he looked up at me with the mama please
don’t let me go look in his eyes the
doors opened my son started to ascend to
the steps he turned a bound with one
last glance and then he slid into the
seat behind the bus driver sound
familiar
I looked at my husband in a flash and I
said I’m going with them meet me at the
school
the next thing I knew I was sitting on
green pleather seats and my son was
sitting next to it and we were both
going to kindergarten and all of a
sudden that feeling of being scared and
sad and angry started to rise in my body
now I knew nobody was going to hurt me
or my son while I was sitting next to
him but I also had this moment of
realization that the bridge that I was
able to help curate with him that
opportunity to curate his bridge with
him where those opportunities were going
to become fewer and fewer by the time we
got to the school we parted ways I was
crying and not cute oh my baby’s going
to see little tears no full-on sobbing I
grabbed my son my younger one who was
then two years old up in my arms and I
held him close and I admired him I
looked at my son and I looked at his
skin and I looked at his hair that he
refuses to cut just like his Indian
grandfather and I looked at his green
eyes that he has like his white
grandmother and I looked at his nose in
his mouth that he gets from his
african-american grandparents and I
realized that I could not protect my
kids I could not protect my kids from
what was happening in the world all of
these incidences were people were
killing one another because they had so
far other their victims but I could not
protect my children from people seeing
them not for the beautiful souls that
they have for them contagious laughter
no seeing them and judging them because
of the way they look because of the way
I look their father looks their
grandparents look and I was angry and
that fear and that sadness mounted into
rage it made me question why I was i
spending my entire life thinking of how
building bridges when I couldn’t protect
my own babies it’s sat there for longer
than I’d like to admit until finally I
got the courage to ask myself a question
what was I gonna do was I gonna turn
I back on my bridge was I going to try
and get onto my bridge and hide there or
was I gonna try and figure out a way to
actually shore up my children’s bridges
I decided to pick up a pen and a piece
of paper and I started to write and I
wrote and I wrote and I wrote I wrote
all the things that I wanted my kids to
know about themselves all of the things
that I celebrate in them their unique
qualities the things that others might
try to vilify and I wrote and I wrote
until I had created a bridge one wide
enough to connect between who I know my
children are and who the world might
have them believe they are when I
reflected on that letter it actually
really realized that it was more than
just my kids I was writing to I was
writing to all the kids and so that
letter actually became the genesis of a
children’s book two children’s books I’m
a boy of color and I am a girl of color
the books feature children of color next
to words of affirmation the children of
are of all shades and backgrounds and my
children actually participated in the
project because what they do is they
take the proceeds from the books and
then they give them to organizations
that are focused on creating positive
images of children of color now after
the book got into circulation I could
not believe how many people actually
reached out to tell me about the impact
that the book had on them there was one
family that I will never forget a mom
called me
early one morning she said Deanna I had
to tell you this my son he all of a
sudden he’s six but he all of a sudden
he stopped wanting to go to school he
used to be excited now he doesn’t want
to go and I couldn’t figure out what was
going on until one day I was walking
down the hallway and I saw my son in the
bathroom and he was rubbing his skin
aggressively and I said baby what are
you doing and he said mama the kids at
school said I’m too dark she was
heartbroken so she gave him this book
and she heard him reading this book to
himself over and over again in his room
and then one morning as she was
preparing for the I don’t want to go to
school fight he walked out of his
room he was ready to go and he said mom
I’m a boy of color and I’m cute and they
went to school now I understand that
mom’s pain I understand that little
boy’s pain here’s a mom trying to
protect her little brown baby and a boy
trying to understand why he was being
ostracized because of the color of his
skin and I wish stories like that did
not exist I cannot tell you how much I
wish we were in a different place but
I’m also encouraged that that bridge I
had written to bridge from my own
children became a bridge for that family
now I could have told you any number of
stories about how my bridge has been
tested in life you see I could have told
you stories that actually would have
made my first day in kindergarten seem
trivial because in my life I have
unfortunately had a lot of experiences
where I’ve come up against people or
places that were more interested in
keeping us apart in building walls and
trying to figure out our differences
than in trying to bring us together and
I get it it is so much easier to think
about the world and split it right down
the middle to divide possibilities into
independent little bitty parts east west
black/white wrong right but I have also
experienced people who have looked past
those dichotomies people who were so
encouraged by our differences and our
similarities who were understanding of
hut the power of being able to take
different opinions and different ideas
and just differences all together and
they understood how to weave those
differences together until they made a
bridge a bridge that was wide enough
long enough strong enough to hold many
many people and because I have seen that
so many times over and over again it has
led me to believe that all of us have
the power to build bridges the question
is what are we going to do with our
anger and our frustration and our
sadness how are we going to build more
bridges I’m asking each one of you to
take this into consideration please we
need you we need you to not stop
building bridges thank you
[Applause]
and west
when you look at my parents you will see
that my mother is actually an
african-american woman with family roots
in Magee Mississippi my father is
actually a sick American Indian his
family is from Punjab India when you
looked at my house it looked like every
other home on the block but when you
actually got into my house you would see
that it functioned very differently in
my home East met West my house
functioned like an Indian village and an
American city black we were perpetually
hosting extended family and friends and
at any given time we could have up to 30
people living in that house we would
cram in undies and uncles and cousins
and grandparents into that 3-bedroom
1950s ranch-style home and so you can
imagine with 30 people in that house
there was always a constant murmur of
noises and voices my grandmother would
be doing her daily prayers in the back
room chanting and there would be
pulsating music R&B music coming from
the kitchen the children will be running
through the house screaming in English
and the adults would be telling us to be
quiet
in Punjabi a chopped piccata as soon as
you walked into the house your clothes
and your skin would take on the flavor
of our fusion cuisine my mom would be in
the kitchen stir in a big pot of grits
and watching her cornbread and flipping
roti with the other hand on an open fire
around nine o’clock my
dad would come home he would choke his
long beard and he would take off his red
turban and then he would gather us all
together into the living room we would
sit on the floor and that is where we
would have dinner because there was no
table big enough for my family and there
on that floor where East met West where
black met brown where we would say
Baptist prayers underneath our large
pictures of the gurus before eating mac
and cheese and curry chicken is where I
learned to be a bridge builder
you see the adults in my home depended
on me to translate in that home they
depended on me to translate the
languages and the customs and the
cultures and so it was my responsibility
to show everybody how my daddy would
wrap his turban every day and why Big
Momma
would Rock her crowns on Sunday morning
and I loved being the bridge builder in
that home I loved being able to be in
that space and bringing together two
groups of people that I absolutely
adored I loved being able to create a
bridge where we could go from one side
to the other side and I could be the
person who was the guide and because I
grew up in a home that really encouraged
this kind of exploration
I was excited about seeing the rest of
the world I was anxious to see the rest
of the world and so when the first day
of school actually came you could not
contain my excitement
the night before I actually laid out my
dress and my shoes and I packed and
unpacked my backpack like 10 times and
then on the morning of school starting I
got up before anybody else in the house
was actually stirring after a array of
hugs and kisses and prayers I was
ushered onto the bus and I walked up
those stairs and when I got to the top
is when I realized wait this going to
school thing is kind of terrifying
so I split into a seat right in back of
the bus driver my home and my family
started to fade out the window and all
of a sudden I felt something something
was hitting me in the back of the head
it was boom and then again boom boom
harder and harder faster and faster I
turned around to see what was going on
what was hitting me in the head what was
messing up the beautiful braids my mom
had wrangled into this that morning and
when I turned around I realized that a
little boy had actually snuck up behind
me he was in the seat behind me and he
was hitting me on the back of the head
he looked at me actually he glared at me
and before I could ask him why he was
hitting me he said do you know why God
what God said when he made black people
oops I burnt another batch now if I
could go back to that moment that five
year old girl I would tell her that he
was wrong that God has room for
everybody I would make sure that that
young man had some professional
attention because now as an adult I can
see that he was being neglected I would
use my education to go down the list of
things that had been manifested in that
moment all the isms the power structures
I would be able to just delineate every
single one of them but I didn’t say or
do anything because I was a child all I
knew is that I was scared sad and angry
I was scared that that point was gonna
keep hitting me on the back of the head
and I was sad that somebody had made me
feel like I didn’t belong but most of
all I was angry I didn’t have the words
then to express why I was so angry but I
know now that I was angry because
somebody looked at me somebody looked at
my skin this mixed girl and decided to
other me to make me look
to think that I was a bird back when I
got back on the bus
that evening I curled up into a ball and
I tried to make myself as small as I
could and I put myself in the corner of
one of the bus seats because I was
trying to hide and I was trying to
occupy my mind with other things but the
only thing I could think of how was what
had happened to me on the bus that
morning why had that boy treated me that
way it called it to question everything
that I knew to be true about the world
it called into question what it meant to
be a bridge builder I asked my questions
and these questions about being a bridge
builder what was that a fake thing was
that gonna be used against me was my
bridge real would anybody else want to
cross my bridge or was my bridge only
something I did with my family and our
friends I had so much doubt in me and
then the bus stopped at my stop and the
doors opened and there was my family
about a dozen of them in brightly
colored clothes with their beautiful
black and brown arms and I ran across
the pavement into their arms and they
embraced me and I remembered in that
moment that what happened on the bus did
not discount what was going on in my
home every day you see I learned a lot
on my first day of kindergarten I
learned that sometimes the hardest
bridge to bril is actually the one to
the boy who lives just two blocks away I
learned that sometimes there would be
people who would look at me and not see
me as a reflection of what happens when
east meets west and falls in love but as
a burnt batch what do you know what else
I learned that day I learned that my
bridge was real and that it was powerful
and then it was resilient I learned that
my bridge was strong and I may
a decision that I was not going to turn
my back on my bridge nor was I going to
try and hide on my bridge but what I was
going to try and do is build more
bridges and that is how I live my life
in my professional space I have tried to
build more bridges I have tried to build
a bridge between my professional
training in business and law and social
justice with what I believe to be my
personal mission in life to move power
to marginalized communities I have done
it in my personal space my husband and I
have worked so hard to make sure that
our two little boys understand not only
their cultural heritage but the beauty
of the cultures that we have in this
world you want to get a flavor of it my
boys are named Zephaniah and Zion two
Hebrew names they go to Pentecostal
churches they actually adhere to the
tenants of Sikhism and the oldest one
has the nerve now to try and learn
Mandarin you see we are trying to teach
our children how to build bridges how to
build bridges through division now those
convictions may seem impressive they may
seem kind of lofty you may be even
inspired by them so how ironic that my
convictions almost all came tumbling
down on the day that my son started
kindergarten we were standing outside
waiting for the bus to come and
everything was fine the kids were
running around they were dancing they’re
playing the bus started to come towards
us and then my son grabbed my hand and
he looked up at me with the mama please
don’t let me go look in his eyes the
doors opened my son started to ascend to
the steps he turned a bound with one
last glance and then he slid into the
seat behind the bus driver sound
familiar
I looked at my husband in a flash and I
said I’m going with them meet me at the
school
the next thing I knew I was sitting on
green pleather seats and my son was
sitting next to it and we were both
going to kindergarten and all of a
sudden that feeling of being scared and
sad and angry started to rise in my body
now I knew nobody was going to hurt me
or my son while I was sitting next to
him but I also had this moment of
realization that the bridge that I was
able to help curate with him that
opportunity to curate his bridge with
him where those opportunities were going
to become fewer and fewer by the time we
got to the school we parted ways I was
crying and not cute oh my baby’s going
to see little tears no full-on sobbing I
grabbed my son my younger one who was
then two years old up in my arms and I
held him close and I admired him I
looked at my son and I looked at his
skin and I looked at his hair that he
refuses to cut just like his Indian
grandfather and I looked at his green
eyes that he has like his white
grandmother and I looked at his nose in
his mouth that he gets from his
african-american grandparents and I
realized that I could not protect my
kids I could not protect my kids from
what was happening in the world all of
these incidences were people were
killing one another because they had so
far other their victims but I could not
protect my children from people seeing
them not for the beautiful souls that
they have for them contagious laughter
no seeing them and judging them because
of the way they look because of the way
I look their father looks their
grandparents look and I was angry and
that fear and that sadness mounted into
rage it made me question why I was i
spending my entire life thinking of how
building bridges when I couldn’t protect
my own babies it’s sat there for longer
than I’d like to admit until finally I
got the courage to ask myself a question
what was I gonna do was I gonna turn
I back on my bridge was I going to try
and get onto my bridge and hide there or
was I gonna try and figure out a way to
actually shore up my children’s bridges
I decided to pick up a pen and a piece
of paper and I started to write and I
wrote and I wrote and I wrote I wrote
all the things that I wanted my kids to
know about themselves all of the things
that I celebrate in them their unique
qualities the things that others might
try to vilify and I wrote and I wrote
until I had created a bridge one wide
enough to connect between who I know my
children are and who the world might
have them believe they are when I
reflected on that letter it actually
really realized that it was more than
just my kids I was writing to I was
writing to all the kids and so that
letter actually became the genesis of a
children’s book two children’s books I’m
a boy of color and I am a girl of color
the books feature children of color next
to words of affirmation the children of
are of all shades and backgrounds and my
children actually participated in the
project because what they do is they
take the proceeds from the books and
then they give them to organizations
that are focused on creating positive
images of children of color now after
the book got into circulation I could
not believe how many people actually
reached out to tell me about the impact
that the book had on them there was one
family that I will never forget a mom
called me
early one morning she said Deanna I had
to tell you this my son he all of a
sudden he’s six but he all of a sudden
he stopped wanting to go to school he
used to be excited now he doesn’t want
to go and I couldn’t figure out what was
going on until one day I was walking
down the hallway and I saw my son in the
bathroom and he was rubbing his skin
aggressively and I said baby what are
you doing and he said mama the kids at
school said I’m too dark she was
heartbroken so she gave him this book
and she heard him reading this book to
himself over and over again in his room
and then one morning as she was
preparing for the I don’t want to go to
school fight he walked out of his
room he was ready to go and he said mom
I’m a boy of color and I’m cute and they
went to school now I understand that
mom’s pain I understand that little
boy’s pain here’s a mom trying to
protect her little brown baby and a boy
trying to understand why he was being
ostracized because of the color of his
skin and I wish stories like that did
not exist I cannot tell you how much I
wish we were in a different place but
I’m also encouraged that that bridge I
had written to bridge from my own
children became a bridge for that family
now I could have told you any number of
stories about how my bridge has been
tested in life you see I could have told
you stories that actually would have
made my first day in kindergarten seem
trivial because in my life I have
unfortunately had a lot of experiences
where I’ve come up against people or
places that were more interested in
keeping us apart in building walls and
trying to figure out our differences
than in trying to bring us together and
I get it it is so much easier to think
about the world and split it right down
the middle to divide possibilities into
independent little bitty parts east west
black/white wrong right but I have also
experienced people who have looked past
those dichotomies people who were so
encouraged by our differences and our
similarities who were understanding of
hut the power of being able to take
different opinions and different ideas
and just differences all together and
they understood how to weave those
differences together until they made a
bridge a bridge that was wide enough
long enough strong enough to hold many
many people and because I have seen that
so many times over and over again it has
led me to believe that all of us have
the power to build bridges the question
is what are we going to do with our
anger and our frustration and our
sadness how are we going to build more
bridges I’m asking each one of you to
take this into consideration please we
need you we need you to not stop
building bridges thank you
[Applause]
Please follow and like us: