[Music]
life liberty and the pursuit of me yes
me what’s it all about where can I find
it I I said there it is tucked away in a
small unassuming place waiting to be
unveiled I would have never thought to
look there I totally forgot I had it
I’m excited to share with you about a
gift I gave to myself and as I mentioned
I’ve had this gift for quite a while but
I thought it was too small or
insignificant to use and never thought
to use it as much as I do now I find
this gift to be very beneficial to use
anytime anywhere with anyone are you
ready for me to share the gift I gave to
myself I present to you the gift of no
no no
imagine a gift that I’ve never had to
return it’s the right size and it’s the
right color and the best part about this
gift is it will never go out of style
and it’s always in season so let’s put
it to work and see how it goes
turn to your person and left or right
and say no
how did that feel wasn’t that wonderful
see how easy that was no is a short
simple response no is a toddler’s first
taste of independent power and the best
part about this gift is no is a complete
sentence
now imagine that a complete sentence
which requires no further thought and or
explanation so what do you think I hope
you’re as excited as I was I know I was
absolutely thrilled when I finally
grabbed hold of this gift and started
putting it to use I mean I was like a
kid with a new super soaker water gun if
you were in close proximity I was
shooting nose all over the place and not
even the people who are close to me are
exempt from getting an O this includes
family friends and coworkers a few years
ago I hit a brick wall on my job I mean
I was approaching some serious burnout
and I believe it was as a result of my
accumulation of saying yes trying to be
everything to everyone
so I confidently walked into my
supervisors office handed him a request
for leave and advised him that I was
going to be taking 30 days off between
November and December and I wouldn’t be
returning until January I had to do that
or run the risk of giving someone to
right hand to fellowship but thumping
him in the throat
so I chose this mini sabbatical as an
initial step toward self-care you see I
had to break away from the grasping
reach of day-to-day neediness to detox
and take some downtime for my own life
and focus on me and as a result of that
break I was able to write a book on you
guessed it it’s on self-care while on
this sabbatical I learned that no is the
truest form of self-care as well as the
path to life liberty and the pursuit of
me yes me it was the best gift I could
have given myself and when I returned to
work in January was a brand new me on
the scene and when my co-workers would
approach me with their different
requests I’d break out that super-soak
award a gun again and I started spraying
creative ways of saying no I would say
things like your request is duly noted
or the last check that I received
doesn’t qualify me to answer that
question
or one of my favorites I’m on fries I
don’t know what they’re doing at the
burger station which translates to I’m
gonna stay in my lane life liberty and
the pursuit of meat was in full effect
can I let you in on a little secret
saying no has freed me from the
unrealistic expectations of others and
minimize stress and burnout
I am no longer weighed down by
unrealistic obligations and unnecessary
frustration no is the best act of self
care that we can provide ourselves so
now when I’m presented with the request
that requires my time space or energy I
immediately begin to ponder it with a
few questions who’s asking
what’s our connection what’s my
relationship with the person why do I
feel the need to say yes is it out of
fear rejection or compulsion what
emotion or feeling is gonna be
associated with my yes and you see that
last question is the most crucial of
them all because there will always be an
emotion or a feeling associated with
whichever response I choose to give now
no happens to be my most popular
response not because I delight in being
mean cruel or rude but because I know
what I will and will not engage in you
see yes
is easy because it makes the other
person happy and let’s admit we delight
making other people happy maybe doesn’t
require a commitment it allows the
person to sit on the fence while they
decide to decide but no it’s an emphatic
response nothing left to be said I’ve
often wondered why is it when I’m
presented with a request my choice of
responses are either in the order of yes
or now if as if the yes response is
subtly being implied or expected and a
no response was not even anticipated now
I’m not implying that it was easy for me
to say no especially when I since I was
so used to saying yes but once I stepped
out of my comfort zone and began
exercising that power
you better believe that there were some
folks that were shocked they were
stunned or they would even give me this
blank stare as if I was the one that
lost my mind learning to say what I mean
and mean what I say eliminates the
opportunity for negotiation because I’m
not required to ponder on a matter that
I clearly have no plans to do
why should I say yes when my heartfelt
response is clearly no why should you
say yes when you really want to say no
social media has us believing that
everything must be like loved or confirm
having us to believe that we’re in
agreement with everything that comes
through reminds me of a co-worker I had
a few years ago he was resigning from
the company he’d been there less than a
year so on his last day he approached me
and he said hey you think it’s okay if
we connect on social media I’m looking
at him like saying to myself well I
didn’t think we had that much in common
for us to connect on social media so I
look at him and I say no
so he presses he says well why not I’ve
noticed that you’re friends with other
people in the office and you know I
don’t understand why we can’t be friends
now I’m concerned because this is a bit
creepy for me right now at this moment
because I’m wondering has this guy been
trolling my page and so as I’m
processing my next response I’m like
well you’re not even that interesting to
keep up with here in the office let
alone on social media and I say to him
because I choose not to be and I left
him standing there with that blank stare
I mentioned to UFC moments ago learning
the fine art of saying no has taught me
the importance of empowering myself and
identifying the stress that comes with
it yes the yes predators are out there
and they don’t care what I have to give
up or what you have to give up to give
them a yes just as long as they get it
yes these days I say no to unexpected
projects or events people who don’t
value my time I call them time abusers
anything or anyone I deem to be draining
I get to choose when and where I invest
my time and energy and no one has the
right to make me feel guilty for doing
so
these days it’s not easy to get a yes
response out of me I guard my yes the
same way I would guard my family my
purse or that winning lottery ticket
i guard it as the most valuable response
i will ever speak the gift of know was
not discovered under a tree nor was it
presented to me by a loved one for a
special occasion
it was residing within me all along just
waiting to be unwrapped and I just had
to care enough about myself to put it to
use and I believe the same gift and
power it resides in you know is powerful
know is liberating and remember no is a
complete sentence
[Applause]
life liberty and the pursuit of me yes
me what’s it all about where can I find
it I I said there it is tucked away in a
small unassuming place waiting to be
unveiled I would have never thought to
look there I totally forgot I had it
I’m excited to share with you about a
gift I gave to myself and as I mentioned
I’ve had this gift for quite a while but
I thought it was too small or
insignificant to use and never thought
to use it as much as I do now I find
this gift to be very beneficial to use
anytime anywhere with anyone are you
ready for me to share the gift I gave to
myself I present to you the gift of no
no no
imagine a gift that I’ve never had to
return it’s the right size and it’s the
right color and the best part about this
gift is it will never go out of style
and it’s always in season so let’s put
it to work and see how it goes
turn to your person and left or right
and say no
how did that feel wasn’t that wonderful
see how easy that was no is a short
simple response no is a toddler’s first
taste of independent power and the best
part about this gift is no is a complete
sentence
now imagine that a complete sentence
which requires no further thought and or
explanation so what do you think I hope
you’re as excited as I was I know I was
absolutely thrilled when I finally
grabbed hold of this gift and started
putting it to use I mean I was like a
kid with a new super soaker water gun if
you were in close proximity I was
shooting nose all over the place and not
even the people who are close to me are
exempt from getting an O this includes
family friends and coworkers a few years
ago I hit a brick wall on my job I mean
I was approaching some serious burnout
and I believe it was as a result of my
accumulation of saying yes trying to be
everything to everyone
so I confidently walked into my
supervisors office handed him a request
for leave and advised him that I was
going to be taking 30 days off between
November and December and I wouldn’t be
returning until January I had to do that
or run the risk of giving someone to
right hand to fellowship but thumping
him in the throat
so I chose this mini sabbatical as an
initial step toward self-care you see I
had to break away from the grasping
reach of day-to-day neediness to detox
and take some downtime for my own life
and focus on me and as a result of that
break I was able to write a book on you
guessed it it’s on self-care while on
this sabbatical I learned that no is the
truest form of self-care as well as the
path to life liberty and the pursuit of
me yes me it was the best gift I could
have given myself and when I returned to
work in January was a brand new me on
the scene and when my co-workers would
approach me with their different
requests I’d break out that super-soak
award a gun again and I started spraying
creative ways of saying no I would say
things like your request is duly noted
or the last check that I received
doesn’t qualify me to answer that
question
or one of my favorites I’m on fries I
don’t know what they’re doing at the
burger station which translates to I’m
gonna stay in my lane life liberty and
the pursuit of meat was in full effect
can I let you in on a little secret
saying no has freed me from the
unrealistic expectations of others and
minimize stress and burnout
I am no longer weighed down by
unrealistic obligations and unnecessary
frustration no is the best act of self
care that we can provide ourselves so
now when I’m presented with the request
that requires my time space or energy I
immediately begin to ponder it with a
few questions who’s asking
what’s our connection what’s my
relationship with the person why do I
feel the need to say yes is it out of
fear rejection or compulsion what
emotion or feeling is gonna be
associated with my yes and you see that
last question is the most crucial of
them all because there will always be an
emotion or a feeling associated with
whichever response I choose to give now
no happens to be my most popular
response not because I delight in being
mean cruel or rude but because I know
what I will and will not engage in you
see yes
is easy because it makes the other
person happy and let’s admit we delight
making other people happy maybe doesn’t
require a commitment it allows the
person to sit on the fence while they
decide to decide but no it’s an emphatic
response nothing left to be said I’ve
often wondered why is it when I’m
presented with a request my choice of
responses are either in the order of yes
or now if as if the yes response is
subtly being implied or expected and a
no response was not even anticipated now
I’m not implying that it was easy for me
to say no especially when I since I was
so used to saying yes but once I stepped
out of my comfort zone and began
exercising that power
you better believe that there were some
folks that were shocked they were
stunned or they would even give me this
blank stare as if I was the one that
lost my mind learning to say what I mean
and mean what I say eliminates the
opportunity for negotiation because I’m
not required to ponder on a matter that
I clearly have no plans to do
why should I say yes when my heartfelt
response is clearly no why should you
say yes when you really want to say no
social media has us believing that
everything must be like loved or confirm
having us to believe that we’re in
agreement with everything that comes
through reminds me of a co-worker I had
a few years ago he was resigning from
the company he’d been there less than a
year so on his last day he approached me
and he said hey you think it’s okay if
we connect on social media I’m looking
at him like saying to myself well I
didn’t think we had that much in common
for us to connect on social media so I
look at him and I say no
so he presses he says well why not I’ve
noticed that you’re friends with other
people in the office and you know I
don’t understand why we can’t be friends
now I’m concerned because this is a bit
creepy for me right now at this moment
because I’m wondering has this guy been
trolling my page and so as I’m
processing my next response I’m like
well you’re not even that interesting to
keep up with here in the office let
alone on social media and I say to him
because I choose not to be and I left
him standing there with that blank stare
I mentioned to UFC moments ago learning
the fine art of saying no has taught me
the importance of empowering myself and
identifying the stress that comes with
it yes the yes predators are out there
and they don’t care what I have to give
up or what you have to give up to give
them a yes just as long as they get it
yes these days I say no to unexpected
projects or events people who don’t
value my time I call them time abusers
anything or anyone I deem to be draining
I get to choose when and where I invest
my time and energy and no one has the
right to make me feel guilty for doing
so
these days it’s not easy to get a yes
response out of me I guard my yes the
same way I would guard my family my
purse or that winning lottery ticket
i guard it as the most valuable response
i will ever speak the gift of know was
not discovered under a tree nor was it
presented to me by a loved one for a
special occasion
it was residing within me all along just
waiting to be unwrapped and I just had
to care enough about myself to put it to
use and I believe the same gift and
power it resides in you know is powerful
know is liberating and remember no is a
complete sentence
[Applause]
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