you need to work on this area my coach
said the walls started closing in on me
don’t worry Alexa it’s just this area
she said again I finally found the words
and I said okay I I think I can do that
thank you and then I walked my 19 year
old self away to go cry in the comfort
of my car
this was the shock of my life I had just
been told that I didn’t make next year’s
song girl dance team for the University
of Southern California one of the most
prestigious dance programs at the
collegiate level and I was so shocked
and so all of my friends were so shocked
because I was what you would call a
frontline dancer and even though for a
year I had danced on the front line and
I was never told anything about working
on this area I soon learned that I
wasn’t going to be on next year’s team
because quite frankly my hips were too
wide
now it was this time in my life where I
saw the comfort of my family and my
friends like anyone would but what I
really wish I would have done was sought
that comfort in myself I wished that
little voice that we have in the back of
our heads would have spoken up and said
Alexa you are so much more capable the
width of your hips is not any indication
of your ability to move mountains I wish
that that voice would have said forget
what your coach said you are enough but
no of course not
that that voice that I so desperately
needed that voice was silent and it
remained silent for the next nine months
of my life now let me give you a little
backstory here Alexa the dancer was one
of my core identities growing up I
really did it all since age three tap
ballet jazz hip-hop contemporary lyrical
you name that I did it and I was good I
won multiple awards for my solo routines
and my team routines and has often
leader of the teams I was on I was one
of eight girls to make the song girl
dance team out of 80 who auditioned the
year before
and here’s a little insight into song
girl world boys and girls idolizing me
because a song girl was supposed to be
pretty perfect and peppy she did
everything right and she deserve the
best in its most base form the attention
I received were others projecting their
perfected and sexualized images onto me
most often times I saw the perks of
people’s admirations more than the
negatives and the reality was I
thoroughly enjoyed it now I want to say
that I know that as an actor as a
gymnast a cheerleader physicalities part
of the job I get that but there’s an
issue that arises when performers are
objectified for their physical prowess
and not appreciated for their talent I
don’t have many reservations about my
body now I’m not a size 2 supermodel but
I’m physically capable of dancing and if
anything I could bust into a 5-minute
high kick routine for you all right now
but I think I’ll spare us the drama and
the time what I eventually came to learn
is that the coach and the judges they
didn’t see me as Alexa the dancer they
only saw me as Alexa with the hips
perception was the culprit here and it
was largely their perception that led me
to feel like I wasn’t enough in every
aspect of my life that led me down a
road I would wish upon no one it led me
to waking up every morning for the next
nine months hating my body my self-worth
my happiness was in my coach’s hands and
it led me to compulsive exercising to
dieting to where like you know you’re
not really eating food anymore to seeing
and spending way too much money on a
nutritionist and I did all of this up
and to the point where I didn’t
recognize who I was anymore and I knew I
hit rock bottom because I believed them
when a group of people told me that I
didn’t look good enough to be one of my
core identities and when that’s taken
from you one of your core identities
there’s nothing that leaves you feeling
more powerless but what eventually gave
me power
was realizing that this whole decision
made based on a criterion that had
nothing to do with my ability the bottom
line is that my capacity as an
individual is not determined by what I
look like and I don’t want any girl
young or old to be told she can’t do
something just because she doesn’t
physically fit a certain mold I was once
told to speak my truth even if my voice
shakes and I was told this from the
founder of this organization called I am
that girl and it was through her
teachings that I learned about this
foreign language called self-love and
it’s crazy what happens when you start
talking to yourself the way you would a
dear friend when you start appreciating
little aspects of who you are instead of
tearing yourself apart all the time
I learned that language is the
reflection of our inner experience so
how I talk to myself would determine my
self-worth
I learned that negative self-talk was a
learned behavior and I had the
opportunity to unlearn this behavior and
so I tried I learned that the average
woman in the United States has 13
thoughts of self-hate a day when I was
at my low point I was probably averaging
double that and I also have this funny
story about me trying to learn self-talk
was a few months after I got cut from
the team I was in the the gym of my
apartment building it was late at night
on a Thursday and that was at that point
where like I wasn’t sad about the
situation anymore I was kind of like in
that like vengeance stage and I wanted
the coach and the judge to regret
cutting me from the team and so I
remember being on the elliptical and I
was doing my thing and I used my words
and I said I will be a Lakers girl I
will be a Lakers girl and that’s so
embarrassing like I can’t believe I just
said that but that was that was my
reality and fun fact it’s many other
girls reality to a study by the National
Institute of Media and the family has
found that 53 percent of
thirteen-year-old girls are unhappy with
the way their bodies look by the time
these girls are 17 that number rises to
78 percent
and when they hit adulthood its 91%
that’s how mad sad frustrated we can be
sometimes at our bodies and another
initiative it’s called the Dove
self-esteem fund a global initiative
looking at the confidence levels of
tween and teenage girls around the world
it’s found that six out of every ten
girls has avoided participating in some
type of fundamental life activity
because she wasn’t confident in the way
she looked
you know these statistics they seem
unreal right I mean it shouldn’t be this
way but it is and the fact remains that
we let our perceptions of our image be
transformed by what others say about us
it’s a lot harder to stand in the Sun
and confidently and triumphantly tell
everyone you know that you believe in
yourself that you know deep down others
perceptions of who you are and what you
look like don’t matter it’s a lot harder
to proclaim to others that you will
build a strong foundation now that the
bricks they may have thrown at you it’s
a lot harder to be strong and it’s a lot
harder to know in your soul that you are
enough and I know it’s hard because I
lived it and what got me through from
being at my low point to realizing that
I had this enoughness inside of me was
thinking about my six-year-old self and
when I was six years old what I wanted
what I wanted more than anything at six
was an older sister or an older brother
to show me the ropes of life teach me
you know how things were I wanted to
learn about their experiences but I
didn’t have that because I was an only
child and for much of my life I had to
figure out things on my own and I often
did it the hard way
and so through this experience and
through learning these lessons the hard
way
well I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone to
learn that we do ourselves a disservice
by defining ourselves by one thing and
to think that we are alone in our
struggle I am NOT my hips I am not dance
I am so much more than that
and I’m not alone now in order to feel
enough I had to get out of the mirror
and I had to get into service service
for myself and service for others and so
I worked on myself love I got involved
in a non-profit I mentored 15
eighth-grade girls at a school not too
far away from here
and what I learned is that when I
stopped being Alexa the dancer when I
stepped off the stage and I got into
reality I looked around and I realized
that other girls struggled with what I
struggled with and so I started sharing
my story because I wish someone had done
that for me and something amazing
happened when I started talking about my
experience when I shared my story other
girls their eyes opened and they started
sharing their stories I started speaking
their truth and we learned from one
another in that way now I think the most
human aspect of this whole experience is
that I’m still scarred I’m at this weird
point where I’m so proud of everything
I’ve accomplished and how much I’ve
grown but um there’s a part of me that’s
still broken and I’ll wait for the day
that I that I dance again because that
hasn’t happened yet
so maybe some of you are in that place
too maybe you have a scar that you
battle each and every day maybe we’re in
this place together I want to know how
you battle that scar because you’re not
alone what helps me is just to remind
myself that even in my imperfection I am
enough thank you
[Applause]
said the walls started closing in on me
don’t worry Alexa it’s just this area
she said again I finally found the words
and I said okay I I think I can do that
thank you and then I walked my 19 year
old self away to go cry in the comfort
of my car
this was the shock of my life I had just
been told that I didn’t make next year’s
song girl dance team for the University
of Southern California one of the most
prestigious dance programs at the
collegiate level and I was so shocked
and so all of my friends were so shocked
because I was what you would call a
frontline dancer and even though for a
year I had danced on the front line and
I was never told anything about working
on this area I soon learned that I
wasn’t going to be on next year’s team
because quite frankly my hips were too
wide
now it was this time in my life where I
saw the comfort of my family and my
friends like anyone would but what I
really wish I would have done was sought
that comfort in myself I wished that
little voice that we have in the back of
our heads would have spoken up and said
Alexa you are so much more capable the
width of your hips is not any indication
of your ability to move mountains I wish
that that voice would have said forget
what your coach said you are enough but
no of course not
that that voice that I so desperately
needed that voice was silent and it
remained silent for the next nine months
of my life now let me give you a little
backstory here Alexa the dancer was one
of my core identities growing up I
really did it all since age three tap
ballet jazz hip-hop contemporary lyrical
you name that I did it and I was good I
won multiple awards for my solo routines
and my team routines and has often
leader of the teams I was on I was one
of eight girls to make the song girl
dance team out of 80 who auditioned the
year before
and here’s a little insight into song
girl world boys and girls idolizing me
because a song girl was supposed to be
pretty perfect and peppy she did
everything right and she deserve the
best in its most base form the attention
I received were others projecting their
perfected and sexualized images onto me
most often times I saw the perks of
people’s admirations more than the
negatives and the reality was I
thoroughly enjoyed it now I want to say
that I know that as an actor as a
gymnast a cheerleader physicalities part
of the job I get that but there’s an
issue that arises when performers are
objectified for their physical prowess
and not appreciated for their talent I
don’t have many reservations about my
body now I’m not a size 2 supermodel but
I’m physically capable of dancing and if
anything I could bust into a 5-minute
high kick routine for you all right now
but I think I’ll spare us the drama and
the time what I eventually came to learn
is that the coach and the judges they
didn’t see me as Alexa the dancer they
only saw me as Alexa with the hips
perception was the culprit here and it
was largely their perception that led me
to feel like I wasn’t enough in every
aspect of my life that led me down a
road I would wish upon no one it led me
to waking up every morning for the next
nine months hating my body my self-worth
my happiness was in my coach’s hands and
it led me to compulsive exercising to
dieting to where like you know you’re
not really eating food anymore to seeing
and spending way too much money on a
nutritionist and I did all of this up
and to the point where I didn’t
recognize who I was anymore and I knew I
hit rock bottom because I believed them
when a group of people told me that I
didn’t look good enough to be one of my
core identities and when that’s taken
from you one of your core identities
there’s nothing that leaves you feeling
more powerless but what eventually gave
me power
was realizing that this whole decision
made based on a criterion that had
nothing to do with my ability the bottom
line is that my capacity as an
individual is not determined by what I
look like and I don’t want any girl
young or old to be told she can’t do
something just because she doesn’t
physically fit a certain mold I was once
told to speak my truth even if my voice
shakes and I was told this from the
founder of this organization called I am
that girl and it was through her
teachings that I learned about this
foreign language called self-love and
it’s crazy what happens when you start
talking to yourself the way you would a
dear friend when you start appreciating
little aspects of who you are instead of
tearing yourself apart all the time
I learned that language is the
reflection of our inner experience so
how I talk to myself would determine my
self-worth
I learned that negative self-talk was a
learned behavior and I had the
opportunity to unlearn this behavior and
so I tried I learned that the average
woman in the United States has 13
thoughts of self-hate a day when I was
at my low point I was probably averaging
double that and I also have this funny
story about me trying to learn self-talk
was a few months after I got cut from
the team I was in the the gym of my
apartment building it was late at night
on a Thursday and that was at that point
where like I wasn’t sad about the
situation anymore I was kind of like in
that like vengeance stage and I wanted
the coach and the judge to regret
cutting me from the team and so I
remember being on the elliptical and I
was doing my thing and I used my words
and I said I will be a Lakers girl I
will be a Lakers girl and that’s so
embarrassing like I can’t believe I just
said that but that was that was my
reality and fun fact it’s many other
girls reality to a study by the National
Institute of Media and the family has
found that 53 percent of
thirteen-year-old girls are unhappy with
the way their bodies look by the time
these girls are 17 that number rises to
78 percent
and when they hit adulthood its 91%
that’s how mad sad frustrated we can be
sometimes at our bodies and another
initiative it’s called the Dove
self-esteem fund a global initiative
looking at the confidence levels of
tween and teenage girls around the world
it’s found that six out of every ten
girls has avoided participating in some
type of fundamental life activity
because she wasn’t confident in the way
she looked
you know these statistics they seem
unreal right I mean it shouldn’t be this
way but it is and the fact remains that
we let our perceptions of our image be
transformed by what others say about us
it’s a lot harder to stand in the Sun
and confidently and triumphantly tell
everyone you know that you believe in
yourself that you know deep down others
perceptions of who you are and what you
look like don’t matter it’s a lot harder
to proclaim to others that you will
build a strong foundation now that the
bricks they may have thrown at you it’s
a lot harder to be strong and it’s a lot
harder to know in your soul that you are
enough and I know it’s hard because I
lived it and what got me through from
being at my low point to realizing that
I had this enoughness inside of me was
thinking about my six-year-old self and
when I was six years old what I wanted
what I wanted more than anything at six
was an older sister or an older brother
to show me the ropes of life teach me
you know how things were I wanted to
learn about their experiences but I
didn’t have that because I was an only
child and for much of my life I had to
figure out things on my own and I often
did it the hard way
and so through this experience and
through learning these lessons the hard
way
well I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone to
learn that we do ourselves a disservice
by defining ourselves by one thing and
to think that we are alone in our
struggle I am NOT my hips I am not dance
I am so much more than that
and I’m not alone now in order to feel
enough I had to get out of the mirror
and I had to get into service service
for myself and service for others and so
I worked on myself love I got involved
in a non-profit I mentored 15
eighth-grade girls at a school not too
far away from here
and what I learned is that when I
stopped being Alexa the dancer when I
stepped off the stage and I got into
reality I looked around and I realized
that other girls struggled with what I
struggled with and so I started sharing
my story because I wish someone had done
that for me and something amazing
happened when I started talking about my
experience when I shared my story other
girls their eyes opened and they started
sharing their stories I started speaking
their truth and we learned from one
another in that way now I think the most
human aspect of this whole experience is
that I’m still scarred I’m at this weird
point where I’m so proud of everything
I’ve accomplished and how much I’ve
grown but um there’s a part of me that’s
still broken and I’ll wait for the day
that I that I dance again because that
hasn’t happened yet
so maybe some of you are in that place
too maybe you have a scar that you
battle each and every day maybe we’re in
this place together I want to know how
you battle that scar because you’re not
alone what helps me is just to remind
myself that even in my imperfection I am
enough thank you
[Applause]
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