[Music]
what’s the you see when you see this
paintbrush most people will be reminded
of their childhoods of arts and crafts
and arts lessons in school flinging
paint around the room getting it
absolutely everywhere except for that
carefully placed piece of newspaper
other people may be reminded of
decorating of moving into a new home or
painting one they’ve lived in most of
their lives with their parents or their
kids or their partner but for me when I
see this paintbrush I see the thing that
saved my life
on January the 14th
I painted a copy of Vincent van Gogh
SCAF a terrace at night on my leg and
after posting it on social media it
quickly went viral it was a fairly
normal day except it wasn’t completely
it was a bad Saturday bad days are how I
refer to days where my mental health
makes me feel bad because I am one of
the 300 million people who struggle with
depression I woke up that day I showered
I got dressed I had something to eat I
messaged a few friends but none of this
made me feel any better days like this
seems so long as if I can feel every
minute passing painfully slowly but have
nothing to fill those minutes with and
it’s days like this that make it so hard
not to fall back into the destructive
coping strategies but I used to you
but I didn’t instead I got out my paint
and my brushes and I decided to recreate
a painting by one of my favorite artists
on my fly it took me a few hours during
most of which I was cursing out the
paint’s convinced I was going to give up
any minute now but I finished there I
took a photo of it and I posted it on
social media in the hopes of showing at
least one person it is possible to find
healthy ways of coping with your mental
health finishing the painting didn’t
exactly make me feel better but that
wasn’t the point because it was never
going to cure my depression instead I
could feel proud that I’d achieved
something positive that had resonated
with so many people online I had people
tell me that I’m inspiring and that I
helped them and that they thought I was
brave for sharing it but sharing the
painting and the fact that I had a bad
day had nothing to do with bravery
because it shouldn’t be considered brave
to talk about mental health it should be
considered normal we have to normalize
talking to each other about how we’re
feeling and that is what I was and am
today trying to do Vincent van Gogh is
one of my favorite painters I love the
way he uses bright colour to contrast
the often tranquil settings of his
paintings and the starry night is the
first painting I ever tried to do a copy
of I love the way the Blues of the sky
contrasts the yellows and the whites of
the stars which make the stars look like
they’re moving across the page I think
it’s wonderful but van Gogh was also
mentally err
and he used art as a way of coping with
his mental health just as I do with mine
recently a post has been circling the
internet claiming that Van Gogh used to
eat yellow paint because he thought it
would make him happy Van Gogh ate paints
because he was trying to poison himself
that is the reality of mental health but
people are too afraid to talk about
romanticizing dangerous actions instead
of tackling them head-on be
romanticizing of mental illnesses can be
seen time and time again across the
Internet
some of you might remember the awful cut
for Bieber hashtag that happened in 2013
spreading horrible images of self-harm
trivializing both the action and for
people who struggled with it and things
like that do nothing but further the
stigma surrounding mental health
creating a dangerous illusion that
suggests it’s desirable to be mentally
ill and we have to talk about it in an
open and healthy way instead look around
the room at how many people there are
today now imagine this number of people
multiplies by about a thousand that
would be about 800,000 people this is
the number of people who commit suicide
every year the number of people who felt
utterly hopeless to the point that they
thought taking their own life was the
only option left available to them there
aren’t the words to describe how
shocking this is because suicide is
preventable mental illnesses are common
but because there is so much stigma
surrounding them
people are too afraid to reach out for
help that’s a fear of being branded
crazy or lying or weak and the only way
to challenge this stigma is by talking
talking to friends or family or
spreading awareness like this or even
talking to a doctor and acknowledging
that these are serious illnesses that
need treatment I was 13 when I developed
anxiety and depression but I didn’t talk
to anyone
in fact I refused to say anything
internalizing everything I was feeling
and pushing people away to the point
that it became difficult for my friends
to remain my friends even now I struggle
to maintain friendships feeling this way
made me angry but instead of accepting
the help that people tried to offer me I
fought against it completely because
mental illnesses make you feel like
you’re alone they walk the way you
perceive relationships with people close
to you and it can become so addicting to
feel this way this happened to me I got
progressively worse until it reached the
point that it was so clear I wasn’t
going to get better on my own anymore
and that I needed professional help it
was around the time I became ill but I
realized how much I loved art I’ve
always enjoyed drawing I was very
creative as a kid but it wasn’t really
until I took arts as a GCSE subject but
I fell in love with painting and with
color and as I moved from my GCSEs to my
a levels I developed my own distinct
style of painting
and I began to paint in my spare time
painting things or places that meant a
lot to me and I also began to paint on
my skin I realized just how much I love
using my body as a canvas and how much
doing this helps my mental health
painting keeps me busy when I’m feeling
bad and I can create something beautiful
on my skin instead of self-harming
mixing the colors together and using
them to create works of art makes me
feel proud which makes the negative
thoughts and feelings so much easier to
deal with
in fact my work doesn’t feel like my
work if it’s not colourful as if I’m
metaphorically using the paints to
brighten my mood which sounds silly I
know but on some level it seems to work
now I’m not saying that everyone who
struggles with their mental health
should start painting because that would
be very naive of me
but everyone has destructive coping
strategies that they turn to on their
bad days whether they struggle or from
mental illnesses or not so it’s
incredibly important to replace these
ways of coping with something positive
something we can be proud of and
something that may even better as as
human beings some people like me are
artists but some people are musicians or
writers or readers or runners or
travelers it doesn’t matter what what
matters is that it helps and I’m so
relieved I found the thing that helps me
so this paintbrush
to many of you it may just be a mundane
object or a gentle reminder of your
childhoods but to me it’s the thing
that’s got me through the bad days so
many times and it’s a symbol it’s a
symbol of how far I’ve come in being
able to help myself and of my strength
because I am mentally ill but being
mentally ill is not synonymous to being
weak thank you
you
what’s the you see when you see this
paintbrush most people will be reminded
of their childhoods of arts and crafts
and arts lessons in school flinging
paint around the room getting it
absolutely everywhere except for that
carefully placed piece of newspaper
other people may be reminded of
decorating of moving into a new home or
painting one they’ve lived in most of
their lives with their parents or their
kids or their partner but for me when I
see this paintbrush I see the thing that
saved my life
on January the 14th
I painted a copy of Vincent van Gogh
SCAF a terrace at night on my leg and
after posting it on social media it
quickly went viral it was a fairly
normal day except it wasn’t completely
it was a bad Saturday bad days are how I
refer to days where my mental health
makes me feel bad because I am one of
the 300 million people who struggle with
depression I woke up that day I showered
I got dressed I had something to eat I
messaged a few friends but none of this
made me feel any better days like this
seems so long as if I can feel every
minute passing painfully slowly but have
nothing to fill those minutes with and
it’s days like this that make it so hard
not to fall back into the destructive
coping strategies but I used to you
but I didn’t instead I got out my paint
and my brushes and I decided to recreate
a painting by one of my favorite artists
on my fly it took me a few hours during
most of which I was cursing out the
paint’s convinced I was going to give up
any minute now but I finished there I
took a photo of it and I posted it on
social media in the hopes of showing at
least one person it is possible to find
healthy ways of coping with your mental
health finishing the painting didn’t
exactly make me feel better but that
wasn’t the point because it was never
going to cure my depression instead I
could feel proud that I’d achieved
something positive that had resonated
with so many people online I had people
tell me that I’m inspiring and that I
helped them and that they thought I was
brave for sharing it but sharing the
painting and the fact that I had a bad
day had nothing to do with bravery
because it shouldn’t be considered brave
to talk about mental health it should be
considered normal we have to normalize
talking to each other about how we’re
feeling and that is what I was and am
today trying to do Vincent van Gogh is
one of my favorite painters I love the
way he uses bright colour to contrast
the often tranquil settings of his
paintings and the starry night is the
first painting I ever tried to do a copy
of I love the way the Blues of the sky
contrasts the yellows and the whites of
the stars which make the stars look like
they’re moving across the page I think
it’s wonderful but van Gogh was also
mentally err
and he used art as a way of coping with
his mental health just as I do with mine
recently a post has been circling the
internet claiming that Van Gogh used to
eat yellow paint because he thought it
would make him happy Van Gogh ate paints
because he was trying to poison himself
that is the reality of mental health but
people are too afraid to talk about
romanticizing dangerous actions instead
of tackling them head-on be
romanticizing of mental illnesses can be
seen time and time again across the
Internet
some of you might remember the awful cut
for Bieber hashtag that happened in 2013
spreading horrible images of self-harm
trivializing both the action and for
people who struggled with it and things
like that do nothing but further the
stigma surrounding mental health
creating a dangerous illusion that
suggests it’s desirable to be mentally
ill and we have to talk about it in an
open and healthy way instead look around
the room at how many people there are
today now imagine this number of people
multiplies by about a thousand that
would be about 800,000 people this is
the number of people who commit suicide
every year the number of people who felt
utterly hopeless to the point that they
thought taking their own life was the
only option left available to them there
aren’t the words to describe how
shocking this is because suicide is
preventable mental illnesses are common
but because there is so much stigma
surrounding them
people are too afraid to reach out for
help that’s a fear of being branded
crazy or lying or weak and the only way
to challenge this stigma is by talking
talking to friends or family or
spreading awareness like this or even
talking to a doctor and acknowledging
that these are serious illnesses that
need treatment I was 13 when I developed
anxiety and depression but I didn’t talk
to anyone
in fact I refused to say anything
internalizing everything I was feeling
and pushing people away to the point
that it became difficult for my friends
to remain my friends even now I struggle
to maintain friendships feeling this way
made me angry but instead of accepting
the help that people tried to offer me I
fought against it completely because
mental illnesses make you feel like
you’re alone they walk the way you
perceive relationships with people close
to you and it can become so addicting to
feel this way this happened to me I got
progressively worse until it reached the
point that it was so clear I wasn’t
going to get better on my own anymore
and that I needed professional help it
was around the time I became ill but I
realized how much I loved art I’ve
always enjoyed drawing I was very
creative as a kid but it wasn’t really
until I took arts as a GCSE subject but
I fell in love with painting and with
color and as I moved from my GCSEs to my
a levels I developed my own distinct
style of painting
and I began to paint in my spare time
painting things or places that meant a
lot to me and I also began to paint on
my skin I realized just how much I love
using my body as a canvas and how much
doing this helps my mental health
painting keeps me busy when I’m feeling
bad and I can create something beautiful
on my skin instead of self-harming
mixing the colors together and using
them to create works of art makes me
feel proud which makes the negative
thoughts and feelings so much easier to
deal with
in fact my work doesn’t feel like my
work if it’s not colourful as if I’m
metaphorically using the paints to
brighten my mood which sounds silly I
know but on some level it seems to work
now I’m not saying that everyone who
struggles with their mental health
should start painting because that would
be very naive of me
but everyone has destructive coping
strategies that they turn to on their
bad days whether they struggle or from
mental illnesses or not so it’s
incredibly important to replace these
ways of coping with something positive
something we can be proud of and
something that may even better as as
human beings some people like me are
artists but some people are musicians or
writers or readers or runners or
travelers it doesn’t matter what what
matters is that it helps and I’m so
relieved I found the thing that helps me
so this paintbrush
to many of you it may just be a mundane
object or a gentle reminder of your
childhoods but to me it’s the thing
that’s got me through the bad days so
many times and it’s a symbol it’s a
symbol of how far I’ve come in being
able to help myself and of my strength
because I am mentally ill but being
mentally ill is not synonymous to being
weak thank you
you
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