so how many of you guys have seen the
movie The Wizard of Oz
lots of you it was released almost 80
years ago in 1939 but even still it’s
still fantastic so in the movie Dorothea
travels to the magical land of Oz where
she makes three new friends a scarecrow
a tin man in a Cowardly Lion now one of
the special characteristics about each
of Dorothy’s friends is that they each
desperately want to change something
about themselves so more than anything
the Scarecrow wishes that he were more
clever and intelligent the Tin Man he
covets a new heart so that he can be
warmer kinder and friendlier those
around him and the Cowardly Lion well
his name says it all he just wants to be
more courageous and in fact each of
Dorothy’s friends wants to change
himself so badly that they all walk
miles and miles with her of long winding
roads through treacherous forests and
across poisonous fields also they can
beg the so called Wonderful Wizard of Oz
to magically give them the traits they
so desire so how many of you can relate
to Dorothy’s friends I’m guessing that
most of you can and if so I have some
good news for you but I’ll get to that
in just a minute now I’m sure that most
of you aren’t so desperate that you
would risk life and limb going on a
dangerous quest to bag a wizard to
change you
but even so how many of you can relate
to Dorothy’s friends at least a little
bit well I certainly can so I have one
older brother where as different as
night and day growing up my brother was
always the fun popular one he was very
outgoing and usually the center of
attention in social events in contrast I
was the quieter tamer more reserved more
studious one I definitely wasn’t the
life of the party my strengths were more
geared towards staying organized doing
well in school and preparing for my
career my brother and I were and still
are very different and as kids we had a
sibling rivalry of sorts I can tell you
that growing up I definitely wish that I
had the same level of charisma
extraversion and social grace that my
brother possessed and of course I can’t
speak for him but I like to think that
my brother wish that he had some of my
so I can relate to Dorothy’s friends and
I’m willing to bet that most of you can
as well and here’s why
psychological research suggests that
almost everyone wants to change at least
something about their personality so my
colleagues and I’ve asked more than
7,000 people with ages ranging from 18
to 70 about how they’d like to change
themselves and across all of our studies
more than 90% of people tell us there’s
something about their personality they
wish they could change
it’s nearly universal the number one
thing people tell me is that they wish
they could become more emotionally
stable they wish that they were less
anxious less prone to feeling down in
the dumps more resilient in the face of
life’s challenges I mean who doesn’t
want those things but that’s certainly
not the only thing that people want to
change for basically any trait that you
can imagine I can promise you that at
least someone wants to change it so many
people wish that they were more outgoing
and comfortable in social situations
maybe you can relate others similar the
tinman wish that they were kinder more
loving and more forgiving others yet
wish that they were more hard-working
responsible and trustworthy maybe you
feel the same way but despite the
different qualities that different
people want to change the point remains
the same almost everyone wants to change
at least something about their
personality it turns out that almost
everyone is a real-life living version
of Dorothy’s friends from Oz but that
kind of raises a problem doesn’t it I
mean most of us don’t know a wizard who
can change us into whoever we want to be
or on second thought the lack of wizards
is probably a good thing but either way
if you can relate to the Scarecrow Tin
Man and Cowardly Lion you might be
wondering whether you stand a chance at
moving closer to becoming who you want
to be well earlier I promised you that I
have some good news and I’m not gonna
let you down
research suggests that people can intact
fit can in fact take small steps to
change their personality and move closer
to becoming who they want to be so
across several studies
consistently found that people tend to
change in ways that align with their
desires so for example college students
you tell us at the beginning of a
semester that they want to become more
extroverted who say hey I really wish
our more sociable and outgoing well
guess what they tend to actually
increase an extraversion over time at a
faster rate than their peers who don’t
want to change we see a similar thing
with other traits as well so people who
want to become more conscientious
thorough hardworking and responsible
they tend to actually increase in
conscientiousness over time and you guys
remember the number one trait that
people most want to change emotional
stability feeling less anxious and being
more resilient in the face of challenges
well it turns out that there’s great
news there as well so in every study
we’ve run people who want to become more
emotionally stable tend to actually
increase in emotional stability across
time now that being said I do not want
to mislead you the changes that we
observed in our studies were small we
did not watch extreme introverts turn
into extroverts overnight or even over
the course of four months really but we
did watch as people who were moderately
introverted slowly increased in
extraversion until they’re basically
smack in the middle of the spectrum and
we did watch as people who were
moderately neurotic anxious stressed out
prone to feeling down in the dumps
slowly increased in emotional stability
until they’re about as emotionally
stable as the average person so if you
were to rate your extraversion on a
scale from one to five
it’d be like increasing from about a
three out of five to about a three and a
quarter or a three and a half the
changes were not huge but even so people
were making small to moderate progress
toward becoming who they wanted to be so
if you can relate to Dorothy’s friends
the good news is that you can change
your personality the science says you
can take small steps toward becoming who
you want to be and I personally think
that taking even small steps toward
becoming your ideal self is a fantastic
thing so what’s the secret how do you
change yourself it turns out that the
answer is so simple that it’s beautiful
research suggests the old adage
fake it until you make it is actually
mostly true
surprising right so in several studies
we’ve asked participants to commit to
taking as few as one to four small
intentional steps each week to pool
their behaviors into alignment with
their desired traits so for example if
someone wanted to become more
extroverted they might commit to
inviting a few friends to go to lunch or
they might commit to honestly
assertively and respectfully sharing
their opinions when asked if someone
wanted to become more conscientious they
might commit to organizing their bedroom
or they might commit to showing up to
classes or appointments five to ten
minutes early
what about emotional stability the
number one trait that almost everyone
seems to covet well if you want to be
more emotionally stable you might commit
to writing down a few things that you’re
grateful for each day or you might
commit to journaling in our seeking
social support when you’re feeling down
so in other words participants in our
studies were simply taking small steps
to act like the people that they wanted
to be and in our studies people who
committed to changing their behavior and
then actually followed through they were
likely to experience changes to their
personality across time in contrast
people who did not change their behavior
were not likely to experience
personality change across time so do you
relate to Dorothy’s friends do you want
to change parts of your personality then
just act like the person you want to be
fake it until you make it it is that
simple
that’s all research suggests you have to
do to move just a small bit closer to
becoming who you want to be now that
being said taking it until you make it
is much harder than it sounds to do it
successfully you need to make a plan
plans small goals to change your
behavior each week and when you do so I
have three tips for success so first
your goals need to be realistic second
your goals need to be actionable and
finally you need to be persistent so
call it a wrap plan realistic actionable
and persistent so first your goals need
to be realistic by all means dream big
but take small steps
so in our study as if someone wanted to
become more extroverted they
we might have them do small things like
say hello to a cashier in a store invite
a friend to lunch
or call a friend to catch up these are
small goals these are goals you can
realistically do in a week notice that
we did not have people jump straight
into planning massive parties or
organizing social events those are not
realistic goals your goals need to be
realistic second your goals need to be
actionable
okay so vague behavior goals like I want
to talk more they’re not helpful they do
not provide a blueprint for concrete
action contrast that with good
actionable goals like call Lance at
least once this week to catch up or
invite Erin and Meghan to hang out on
Tuesday those types of goals are
effective they’re effective because they
give you clear and concrete instructions
for how to behave and what to do so make
realistic goals make actionable goals
and finally be persistent make goals
every week and keep doing it for a long
time so in many ways I think that trying
to change your personality is similar to
losing weight on New Year’s Day 2015
I weighed 240 pounds I was big but I
decided that I wanted to get into shape
so I started meticulously weighing and
logging everything that I ate I spent an
hour to in the gym every single day I
got online and approximated how many
calories my body needs and I made sure
that I was running a 750 calorie deficit
every day at that rate I should have
been losing about a pound and a half a
week and sure enough when I first
started my diet the pounds just shed off
in January alone I lost close to ten
pounds but then something curious
happened February hit I was just as
devoted to diet and exercise as I’d been
through throughout January but the scale
refused to budge it was stuck at 230
first for a day then for two days then
for a full week for three straight weeks
the scale did not move so much as one
tenth of a pound
everyone had advice they all said I must
have been doing something wrong and
honestly I was tempted to give up it was
a lot of work for literally three weeks
of no gain or losses that were in this
case but I knew the sign
it is literally impossible to run a 750
calorie deficit every day and not lose
weight so I trusted the science and I
did not give up and my persistence was
rewarded after that weird three-week
period my weight began to drop rapidly
as if to make up for lost time so I
believe that personality change is no
different changing your personality can
be a slow process it takes months not
days or weeks it can take a lot of hard
work and careful planning but research
suggests that taking small steps to act
like the person you want to be works it
works so trust the science be persistent
make a plan consistently act like the
person that you want to be so here’s the
take-home point if you like Dorothy’s
friends from oz want to change something
about your personality there’s good news
and no magic or wizards involved the
good news is that by consistently taking
small steps to act like the person you
want to be you can make at least a
little bit of progress towards actually
becoming that person so here’s my
challenge to you start today pick out
just one small realistic actionable
thing that you can do today to act like
the person that you want to be and go do
it because you can change your personality thank you very much
movie The Wizard of Oz
lots of you it was released almost 80
years ago in 1939 but even still it’s
still fantastic so in the movie Dorothea
travels to the magical land of Oz where
she makes three new friends a scarecrow
a tin man in a Cowardly Lion now one of
the special characteristics about each
of Dorothy’s friends is that they each
desperately want to change something
about themselves so more than anything
the Scarecrow wishes that he were more
clever and intelligent the Tin Man he
covets a new heart so that he can be
warmer kinder and friendlier those
around him and the Cowardly Lion well
his name says it all he just wants to be
more courageous and in fact each of
Dorothy’s friends wants to change
himself so badly that they all walk
miles and miles with her of long winding
roads through treacherous forests and
across poisonous fields also they can
beg the so called Wonderful Wizard of Oz
to magically give them the traits they
so desire so how many of you can relate
to Dorothy’s friends I’m guessing that
most of you can and if so I have some
good news for you but I’ll get to that
in just a minute now I’m sure that most
of you aren’t so desperate that you
would risk life and limb going on a
dangerous quest to bag a wizard to
change you
but even so how many of you can relate
to Dorothy’s friends at least a little
bit well I certainly can so I have one
older brother where as different as
night and day growing up my brother was
always the fun popular one he was very
outgoing and usually the center of
attention in social events in contrast I
was the quieter tamer more reserved more
studious one I definitely wasn’t the
life of the party my strengths were more
geared towards staying organized doing
well in school and preparing for my
career my brother and I were and still
are very different and as kids we had a
sibling rivalry of sorts I can tell you
that growing up I definitely wish that I
had the same level of charisma
extraversion and social grace that my
brother possessed and of course I can’t
speak for him but I like to think that
my brother wish that he had some of my
so I can relate to Dorothy’s friends and
I’m willing to bet that most of you can
as well and here’s why
psychological research suggests that
almost everyone wants to change at least
something about their personality so my
colleagues and I’ve asked more than
7,000 people with ages ranging from 18
to 70 about how they’d like to change
themselves and across all of our studies
more than 90% of people tell us there’s
something about their personality they
wish they could change
it’s nearly universal the number one
thing people tell me is that they wish
they could become more emotionally
stable they wish that they were less
anxious less prone to feeling down in
the dumps more resilient in the face of
life’s challenges I mean who doesn’t
want those things but that’s certainly
not the only thing that people want to
change for basically any trait that you
can imagine I can promise you that at
least someone wants to change it so many
people wish that they were more outgoing
and comfortable in social situations
maybe you can relate others similar the
tinman wish that they were kinder more
loving and more forgiving others yet
wish that they were more hard-working
responsible and trustworthy maybe you
feel the same way but despite the
different qualities that different
people want to change the point remains
the same almost everyone wants to change
at least something about their
personality it turns out that almost
everyone is a real-life living version
of Dorothy’s friends from Oz but that
kind of raises a problem doesn’t it I
mean most of us don’t know a wizard who
can change us into whoever we want to be
or on second thought the lack of wizards
is probably a good thing but either way
if you can relate to the Scarecrow Tin
Man and Cowardly Lion you might be
wondering whether you stand a chance at
moving closer to becoming who you want
to be well earlier I promised you that I
have some good news and I’m not gonna
let you down
research suggests that people can intact
fit can in fact take small steps to
change their personality and move closer
to becoming who they want to be so
across several studies
consistently found that people tend to
change in ways that align with their
desires so for example college students
you tell us at the beginning of a
semester that they want to become more
extroverted who say hey I really wish
our more sociable and outgoing well
guess what they tend to actually
increase an extraversion over time at a
faster rate than their peers who don’t
want to change we see a similar thing
with other traits as well so people who
want to become more conscientious
thorough hardworking and responsible
they tend to actually increase in
conscientiousness over time and you guys
remember the number one trait that
people most want to change emotional
stability feeling less anxious and being
more resilient in the face of challenges
well it turns out that there’s great
news there as well so in every study
we’ve run people who want to become more
emotionally stable tend to actually
increase in emotional stability across
time now that being said I do not want
to mislead you the changes that we
observed in our studies were small we
did not watch extreme introverts turn
into extroverts overnight or even over
the course of four months really but we
did watch as people who were moderately
introverted slowly increased in
extraversion until they’re basically
smack in the middle of the spectrum and
we did watch as people who were
moderately neurotic anxious stressed out
prone to feeling down in the dumps
slowly increased in emotional stability
until they’re about as emotionally
stable as the average person so if you
were to rate your extraversion on a
scale from one to five
it’d be like increasing from about a
three out of five to about a three and a
quarter or a three and a half the
changes were not huge but even so people
were making small to moderate progress
toward becoming who they wanted to be so
if you can relate to Dorothy’s friends
the good news is that you can change
your personality the science says you
can take small steps toward becoming who
you want to be and I personally think
that taking even small steps toward
becoming your ideal self is a fantastic
thing so what’s the secret how do you
change yourself it turns out that the
answer is so simple that it’s beautiful
research suggests the old adage
fake it until you make it is actually
mostly true
surprising right so in several studies
we’ve asked participants to commit to
taking as few as one to four small
intentional steps each week to pool
their behaviors into alignment with
their desired traits so for example if
someone wanted to become more
extroverted they might commit to
inviting a few friends to go to lunch or
they might commit to honestly
assertively and respectfully sharing
their opinions when asked if someone
wanted to become more conscientious they
might commit to organizing their bedroom
or they might commit to showing up to
classes or appointments five to ten
minutes early
what about emotional stability the
number one trait that almost everyone
seems to covet well if you want to be
more emotionally stable you might commit
to writing down a few things that you’re
grateful for each day or you might
commit to journaling in our seeking
social support when you’re feeling down
so in other words participants in our
studies were simply taking small steps
to act like the people that they wanted
to be and in our studies people who
committed to changing their behavior and
then actually followed through they were
likely to experience changes to their
personality across time in contrast
people who did not change their behavior
were not likely to experience
personality change across time so do you
relate to Dorothy’s friends do you want
to change parts of your personality then
just act like the person you want to be
fake it until you make it it is that
simple
that’s all research suggests you have to
do to move just a small bit closer to
becoming who you want to be now that
being said taking it until you make it
is much harder than it sounds to do it
successfully you need to make a plan
plans small goals to change your
behavior each week and when you do so I
have three tips for success so first
your goals need to be realistic second
your goals need to be actionable and
finally you need to be persistent so
call it a wrap plan realistic actionable
and persistent so first your goals need
to be realistic by all means dream big
but take small steps
so in our study as if someone wanted to
become more extroverted they
we might have them do small things like
say hello to a cashier in a store invite
a friend to lunch
or call a friend to catch up these are
small goals these are goals you can
realistically do in a week notice that
we did not have people jump straight
into planning massive parties or
organizing social events those are not
realistic goals your goals need to be
realistic second your goals need to be
actionable
okay so vague behavior goals like I want
to talk more they’re not helpful they do
not provide a blueprint for concrete
action contrast that with good
actionable goals like call Lance at
least once this week to catch up or
invite Erin and Meghan to hang out on
Tuesday those types of goals are
effective they’re effective because they
give you clear and concrete instructions
for how to behave and what to do so make
realistic goals make actionable goals
and finally be persistent make goals
every week and keep doing it for a long
time so in many ways I think that trying
to change your personality is similar to
losing weight on New Year’s Day 2015
I weighed 240 pounds I was big but I
decided that I wanted to get into shape
so I started meticulously weighing and
logging everything that I ate I spent an
hour to in the gym every single day I
got online and approximated how many
calories my body needs and I made sure
that I was running a 750 calorie deficit
every day at that rate I should have
been losing about a pound and a half a
week and sure enough when I first
started my diet the pounds just shed off
in January alone I lost close to ten
pounds but then something curious
happened February hit I was just as
devoted to diet and exercise as I’d been
through throughout January but the scale
refused to budge it was stuck at 230
first for a day then for two days then
for a full week for three straight weeks
the scale did not move so much as one
tenth of a pound
everyone had advice they all said I must
have been doing something wrong and
honestly I was tempted to give up it was
a lot of work for literally three weeks
of no gain or losses that were in this
case but I knew the sign
it is literally impossible to run a 750
calorie deficit every day and not lose
weight so I trusted the science and I
did not give up and my persistence was
rewarded after that weird three-week
period my weight began to drop rapidly
as if to make up for lost time so I
believe that personality change is no
different changing your personality can
be a slow process it takes months not
days or weeks it can take a lot of hard
work and careful planning but research
suggests that taking small steps to act
like the person you want to be works it
works so trust the science be persistent
make a plan consistently act like the
person that you want to be so here’s the
take-home point if you like Dorothy’s
friends from oz want to change something
about your personality there’s good news
and no magic or wizards involved the
good news is that by consistently taking
small steps to act like the person you
want to be you can make at least a
little bit of progress towards actually
becoming that person so here’s my
challenge to you start today pick out
just one small realistic actionable
thing that you can do today to act like
the person that you want to be and go do
it because you can change your personality thank you very much
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