I talked to so many smart fantastic
ambitious idealistic hard-working kids
and there right out of college there in
their entry-level jobs and I’ll ask them
how is it going and they’ll say I think
I’m gonna quit and I’m like why they say
to me I’m not making an impact I’m like
you know you’ve been here eight months
right they treat the sense of
fulfillment or even love like it’s a
scavenger hunt like it’s something you
look for my millennial friends they’ve
gone through so many jobs they’re either
getting fired I mean it was mutual or
they’re quitting because they’re not
making an impact or they’re not finding
anything they’re looking for they’re not
feeling fulfilled as if it’s a scavenger
hunt love a job you find joy from is not
something you discover it’s not like I
found love here it is I found a job I
love that’s not how it works both of
those things require hard work you are
in love because you work very hard every
single day of your life to stay in love
you find a job that brings you ultimate
joy because you work hard every single
day to serve those around you and you
maintain that joy it’s not a discovery
but the problem is the sense of
impatience it’s as if an entire
generation is standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large
amove Abul object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about
take a helicopter climb I don’t care but
there’s still a mountain life career
fulfillment relationships are journeys
the problem is this entire generation
hasn’t institutionalized sense of
impatience and do they have the patience
to go on the journey to maintain love to
feel fulfilled or do they just quit and
on to the next dump and on to the next
ghost and on to the next and by the way
ghosting means the lack of skill to have
a confrontation you date somebody for
six months eight months
and then just stop replying just delete
now for the person who is doing the
ghost thing oh that’s certainly easier
than a confrontation but the person on
the receiving end of the ghost thing
it’s like there’s a death there’s
suddenly shun there’s panic they call
out their warning they call out their
word they think it’s you they think it’s
them do you have any idea the
destruction that we reap on people by
ghosting them and then because there’s
the lack of social skills to call out
and ask for help they internalize and it
makes them feel awful to the point at
the worst they will kill themselves
slightly one level down they’ll get
depressed but the lowest level that we
can hope for is they will go through
life and I’m not talking about ghosting
I’m talking an entire generation that if
we don’t fix this we’ll go through life
where everything’s just fine my
friendships are fine my work is fine you
know same old same old nothing’s ever
amazing and the scavenger hunt continues
we’re taking a generation that has lower
self esteem we’re taking a generation
that has a lack of cocka cocka
mechanisms to deal with stress we’re
capable dealing with a generation that
wants all those things fixed immediately
and we’re placing them in work
environments that values money more than
people do know that most of the business
philosophies most of the business
theories that we embrace and see a
standard today are not standard they’re
theories left over from the 80s and 90s
the concept of shareholder supremacy was
a theory proposed in the late 1970s it
was popularized in the 80s and eighties
the concept of using mass layoffs to
balance the books did not exist
in the United States prior to the 1980s
it did not exist it became popular in
the 80s and 90s the 80s and 90s were
boom years anyone could make money
relative peace a kinder gentler cold war
and so all of the business theories that
were put forth were very very selfish
and all about enriching ourselves and
they worked for those times but these
times are different these are not
peaceful times these are not boom years
this is there’s globalization than the
internet which
now made everything vastly more
complicated and those theories do not
work anymore
worse they’re having side effects it’s
really bad because what we do is we
destroy corporate cultures the idea of
using mass layoffs can you imagine
sending someone home and saying I’m
sorry I can no longer provide for our
family because the company missed its
arbitrary projections this year that’s
what we’re doing that’s like a coach
prioritizing the needs of the fans over
the needs of the players hoping to build
a great team it doesn’t work we
dismantled things like the
glass-steagall Act glass-steagall was
passed after the Great Depression to
prevent another Great Depression from
happening it was dismantled in the 80s
and the 90s in the name of profit okay
do you know how many stock market
crashes we had between the Great
Depression and the dismantling of
glass-steagall the answer is zero and
since they dismantled glass-steagall we
had 87 the dot-com crash 2008 we’ve had
three stock market crashes because we’ve
moved the safety mechanisms that prevent
stock market crashes from happening all
in the name of individual advancement
and profits and these are the corporate
cultures we’ve built corporate cultures
that value numbers over people and they
are not standard business practices they
are new and they are broken and they are
dangerous and we’re asking a young
wonderful ambitious amazing generation
that needs us to work in these
environments whether we like it or not
we have to take responsibility for that
bad hand that you’ve been dealt it is up
to the companies to create an
environment in which you can build your
self-confidence it is up to the
companies to create an environment in
which you can learn coping mechanisms
and learn how to build strong close
relationships with people with whom you
work you will eventually love and
these environments that we will learn
the patience and the hard work that it
takes to find fulfilment in our lives to
find a sense of purpose a sense of joy
yes it’s all fine and good that my
generation and older generations say to
you things like well you’re the future
leaders
we’re the leaders now we’re the ones in
control of the corporate environments
now and we’re making your lives worse I
don’t want you to jump from job to job
to job to job you will never find what
you’re looking for it’s not a scavenger
hunt I don’t want you to go from
relationship to relationship to
relationship what I want you to do is
stand up and demand that the places in
which you work lead you properly nobody
wants to wake up in the morning and be
managed we want to wake up in the
morning and be led and we have a total
leadership crisis in America politics is
just the mirror reflection we get the
politicians we deserve we’re the divided
ones we’re the selfish ones we’re the
broken ones
we’re the ones who would sooner
sacrifice somebody else so that we may
gain it’s us and until we’re willing to
do the hard work of repairing the world
around us our country our politics our
businesses will not fix so I get a
question at every single talk that I
give and every single meeting that I
have invariably someone will ask me the
Millenial question apparently and most
of you in here I think were born after
the year 1984 right which makes you
apparently your generation is unbeatable
apparently you confound leaders and I
travel around talking about this thing
called leadership and apparently you’re
the one they have no idea what to do
with which I think is funny and so in
what they’ve started to do then is ask
you what you want and you reply back
open-plan and so they do that and yet
nothing changes and so instead of trying
to figure it out trying to understand
you guys they accuse you of being
entitled they accuse you being
narcissistic sometimes accuse you being
lazy I’ve heard that one and I think
that they are completely wrong
I think what they haven’t spent the time
to do is to practice empathy which
ironically is the first criteria of
being a good leader which is you have to
be good at empathy and so when I get
asked this question all the time it only
makes sense that I should empathize and
try and have an answer right so here’s
what I tell everybody I’ve broken it
down into sort of four observations
parenting technology impatience and
environment many of this young
generation of this millennial generation
were subject to what has been described
as a failed parenting strategy some of
you and many of your friends were raised
being told that you were special and you
were told that you can have whatever you
want just because you want it
many schools gave performance oh no I
think participation ribbons so in other
words kids got medals for coming in last
and the science on this is good we know
what it does is it devalues the feeling
in the middle for the person who
actually works hard to come in first and
it embarrasses the person who comes in
last because they know they don’t
deserve it and it makes them feel worse
some kids got into honors classes not
because they deserved it but because
their parents complained and some kids
got a is not because they earn them but
because the teachers didn’t want to deal
with the parents and then you graduate
and you get a job and in an instant your
entire self view is shattered because
many kids find out that they’re not
special they find out that they can’t
have whatever they want just because
they want it there’s nothing when you
come in last
you get no medal for coming in last and
your parents cannot help you get a
promotion
and so what the result is is an entire
generation where there’s a
disproportionately high number of people
growing up with lower self-confidence
than previous generations because this
entire self-image is completely
shattered instantaneously and so much so
that I actually hear stories of people’s
parents filling out their job
applications for them and other things
right it’s that bad right then you
combine it with the second observation
which is technology we know that and we
engage with social media or our cell
phones a chemical in our body called
dopamine is released right it’s what
makes us feel good right dopamine is the
same chemical that is released in our
bodies when we find something we’re
looking for like your keys when you go
on Google when you hit the goal or win
the game that yes this sense of joy or
in sort of that that’s dopamine well we
know that we get a hit of dopamine when
we engage with social media when our
phones go buzz Bing flash or beep that’s
why if you’re feeling a little bit down
you pull out your phone and you send 10
texts to 10 friends you know high high
high high high and you hope that
somebody texts you back because when you
they do it feels good right there are
other things that release dopamine
alcohol nicotine gambling all release
dopamine it’s why they feel good and
almost all addictions are dopamine based
addictions we also know that almost all
alcoholics discovered alcohol when they
were teenagers
you see when we’re very very young the
only approval we need is the approval of
our parents then when we go through
adolescence we make this transition
where we now need the approval of our
peers very frustrating for our parents
very important for us it allows us to
acculturate outside of our immediate
families into the broader tribe it is a
time of high stress and high anxiety and
we’re supposed to learn to rely on our
friends some people quite by accident
discover alcohol and the numbing effects
of dopamine and unfortunately that
connection becomes hard
and then for the rest of their lives
every time they face significant stress
they don’t turn to a person they turned
to the bottle right now as I said before
we know that social media and cell
phones release dopamine now we have age
restrictions on alcohol with age
restrictions on tobacco and we have age
restrictions on gambling but we have no
age restrictions on social media and
cell phones it’s as if an entire
generation who are going through
adolescence their parents have thrown
open the liquor cabinet and said try the
vodka to help you get through the
teenage years that’s what social media
and cell phones do so unfortunately for
too many people that connection is
becoming hardwired
and as they grow up when they face
significant stress in their lives
instead of learning to turn to a person
they turn to a device right where we
seek solace in social media where we’ll
check an Instagram post how many likes
we’re getting the check we’ll check and
we’ll check a check and we’ll check and
we’ll check and sometimes our own
self-worth comes from how many followers
we have it can become devastating to us
when somebody unfollow us right the only
way that we we sweet we stand away from
stress when we face it in other words an
entire generation is growing up having
not practiced or learned coping
mechanisms for stress this is very very
serious for social animals that need
each other where we haven’t learned
those skills it’s and it’s even worse
because if you want to go on a date you
don’t have to learn to be like hey you
just swipe right you just got a date you
can have four dates in an evening right
and if you don’t like the person you
don’t have to learn to say no when you
mean yes and yes when you mean no and
yes you just swipe left it’s done in
other words the social skills aren’t
developing and so there’s an entire
generation that’s growing up with lower
self confidence going into a workforce
having their self-image shattered not
knowing necessarily how to deal with all
the stress that they’re facing of
growing up and starting to
finding out where you fit and all of
that good stuff and instead of turning
to a person we’re turning to dices and
the results are starting to show up in
the statistics we know that suicide is
on the rise amongst this generation we
know that accidental death due to due to
overdoses is on the rise amongst this
generation depression is on the rise
amongst this generation universities are
suffering an epidemic where they’re
dealing with disproportionately high
numbers of students than they’ve ever
dealt with ever before taking leaves of
absence due to depression and then to
compound the effect it’s a generation
that’s grown up with filters Facebook
and Instagram and we curate our own
lives and present to the world how we
want to be seen and we make ourselves
look good we make the weather look
better and the sunsets are always more
bright in Instagram and they were in
real life in other words we’re good at
presenting ourselves as we’re not but
how we want to be seen and so everybody
thinks this generation is strong and
confident and all the companies we go
work for they think we have it all
figured out and we certainly sound I say
we
I’d only dress like a 16 year old this
generation presents itself as having all
the answers and yet they don’t and
stress runs high and they don’t know how
to ask for help and gets worse then you
add in the manner in which so many
people grew up in this generation within
sense of impatience now as I said before
you’re often accused of being entitled
and it certainly seems that way but I
think it’s a misreading of the tea
leaves you’ve grown up in a world of
instant gratification you want to buy
something you go on Amazon it shows up
the next day you won’t you want to watch
a movie
don’t check movie times you just stream
it whatever you want to watch it TV
shows you don’t wait week to week to eat
you can binge watch the whole weekend
and like I said even dating is just a
swipe to the right right everything is
incident everything is instant
gratification and the problem is too
many people have applied that sense of
instant gratification to their careers
and to the lives and the problem is
there ain’t no app
for that I hear from this generation
that too many people struggle to form
their words not mine
struggle to form deep meaningful
relationships many will admit that most
of their friendships are superficial
many will admit that their friends would
cancel on them if something better came
along many would admit that they don’t
have deep trusting loving relationships
with their own friends that’s because
it’s a journey I talked to so many smart
fantastic ambitious idealistic
hard-working kids and they’re right out
of college they’re in their entry-level
jobs and I’ll ask them how’s it going
and they’ll say I think I’m gonna quit
and I’m like why they say to me I’m not
making an impact I’m like you know
you’ve been here eight months right they
treat the sense of fulfillment or even
love like it’s a scavenger hunt like
it’s something you look for my
millennial friends they’ve gone through
so many jobs they’re either getting
fired I mean it was mutual or they’re
quitting because they’re not making an
impact or they’re not finding the thing
they’re looking for they’re not feeling
fulfilled as if it’s a scavenger hunt
love a job you find joy from is not
something you discover it’s not like I
found love here it is I found a job I
love that’s not how it works both of
those things require hard work you are
in love because you work very hard every
single day of your life to stay in love
you find a job that brings you ultimate
joy because you work hard every single
day to serve those around you and you
maintain that joy it’s not a discovery
but the problem is this sense of
impatience it’s as if an entire
generation of standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large a
movable object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about take a helicopter climb I
don’t care but there’s still a mountain
life career fulfillment relationships
our journeys the problem is this entire
generation has an institutionalized
sense of impatience and do they have the
patience to go on the journey to
maintain love to feel fulfilled or do
they just quit and on to the next dump
and on to the next ghost and on to the
next
and by the way ghost thing means the
lack of skill to have a confrontation
you date somebody for six months eight
months and then just stop replying just
delete them from everything now for the
person who’s doing the ghosting oh
that’s certainly easier than a
confrontation but the person on the
receiving end of the ghost thing it’s
like there’s a death there’s suddenly
shun there’s panic they call out their
warning they call out their word they
think it’s you they think it’s them do
you have any idea the destruction that
we reap on people by ghosting them and
then because there’s the lack of social
skills to call out and ask for help they
internalize and it makes them feel awful
to the point at the worst they will kill
themselves slightly one level down
they’ll get depressed but the lowest
level that we can hope for is they will
go through life and I’m not talking
about ghosting I’m talking an entire
generation that if we don’t fix this
we’ll go through life where everything’s
just fine my friendships are fine my
work is fine you know same old same old
nothing’s ever amazing and the scavenger
hunt continues and then you go to the
fourth observation the most egregious of
all of them environment we’re taking a
generation that is lower self-esteem
we’re taking a generation that has a
lack of Coco ping mechanisms to deal
with stress we’re dealing with a
generation that wants all those things
fixed immediately and we’re placing them
into work environments that values money
more than people do you know that most
of the business philosophies most of the
business theories that we embrace and
see a standard today are not standard
they’re theories left over from the 80s
and 90s the concept of shareholder
supremacy was a theory proposed in the
late 1970s it was
polarized in the 80s and 90s the concept
of using mass layoffs to balance the
books did not exist in the United States
prior to the 1980s it did not exist it
became popular in the 80s and 90s the
80s and 90s were boom years anyone could
make money relative peace a kinder
gentler cold war and so all of the
business theories that were put forth
were very very selfish and all about
enriching ourselves and they worked for
those times but these times are
different these are not peaceful times
these are not boom years this is there’s
globalization than the internet which
has now made everything vastly more
complicated and those theories do not
work anymore worse they’re having side
effects it’s really bad because what we
do is we destroy corporate cultures the
idea of using mass layoffs can you
imagine sending someone home and saying
I’m sorry I can no longer provide for
our family because the company missed
its arbitrary projections this year
that’s what we’re doing that’s like a
coach prioritizing the needs of the fans
over the needs of the players hoping to
build a great team it doesn’t work we
dismantled things like the
glass-steagall Act glass-steagall was
passed after the Great Depression to
prevent another Great Depression from
happening it was dismantled in the 80s
and the 90s in the name of profit okay
do you know how many stock market
crashes we had between the Great
Depression and the dismantling of
glass-steagall the answer is zero and
since they dismantled glass-steagall we
had 87 the dot-com crash 2008 we’ve had
three stock market crashes because we’ve
moved the safety mechanisms that prevent
stock market crashes from happening all
in the name of individual advancement
and profit and these are the corporate
cultures we’ve built corporate cultures
that value numbers over people and they
are not standard business practices they
are new and they are broken and they
dangerous and we’re asking a young
wonderful ambitious amazing generation
that needs us to work in these
environments whether we like it or not
we have to take responsibility for that
bad hand that you’ve been dealt it is up
to the companies to create an
environment in which you can build your
self-confidence it is up to the
companies to create an environment in
which you can learn coping mechanisms
and learn how to build strong close
relationships with people with whom you
work that you will eventually love and
sacrifice to see that they gain it is in
these environments that we will learn
the patience and the hard work that it
takes to find fulfilment in our lives to
find a sense of purpose a sense of joy
yes it’s all fine and good that my
generation and older generations say to
you things like well you’re the Future
Leaders we’re the leaders now we’re the
ones in control over the corporate
environments now and we’re making your
lives worse I don’t want you to jump
from job to job to job to job you will
never find what you’re looking for it’s
not a scavenger hunt I don’t want you to
go from relationship to relationship to
relationship what I want you to do is
stand up and demand that the places in
which you work lead you properly nobody
wants to wake up in the morning and be
managed we want to wake up in the
morning and be led and we have a total
leadership crisis in America politics is
just the mirror reflection we get the
politicians we deserve we’re the divided
ones we’re the selfish ones we’re the
broken ones
we’re the ones who would sooner
sacrifice somebody else so that we may
gain it’s us and until we’re willing to
do the hard work of repairing the world
around us our country our politics our
businesses will not fix which leads me
understanding the game were playing this
game called work or life or love
whichever one you want or all of them in
game theory there are two kinds of games
there are finite games and there are
infinite games a finite game is defined
as known players fixed rules and an
agreed upon objective baseball we all
agree what the rules are and at the end
of nine innings whoever has more runs we
declare the winner and the game is over
no one ever says wait wait wait if we
can just play three more innings I know
we can come back and win doesn’t happen
right you have winners and you have
losers right then there’s an infinite
game an infinite game is defined as
known and unknown players the rules are
changeable and the objective is to keep
the game and play to perpetuate the game
when you pit a finite player versus a
finite player the system is stable
baseball is stable when you pit an
infinite player versus an infinite
player the system is also stable the
Cold War was stable because there can be
no winners and losers it doesn’t exist
that’s it not a scenario we want and so
you keep the game and play to keep it
stable and in an infinite game because
there are no winners or losers what
happens is players drop out when they
run out of the will or the resources to
play and then they’re replaced by other
players the game perpetuates the players
change out problems arise when you pit a
finite player versus an infinite player
because the finite player is playing to
win and the infinite player is playing
to stay in the game and the finite
player will always get frustrated they
will find themselves in quagmire this
was the United States in Vietnam we were
fighting to win they were fighting for
their lives
this was the Soviet Union in Afghanistan
they were fight to beat the Mujahideen
the Mujahideen would fight for as long
as was necessary now let’s look at the
game of business the game of business is
by its very definition an infinite game
it is pre-existed before every single
company on this planet ever it existed
and it will outlast
every single company on this planet but
if you listen to the words of most
companies they don’t know the game
they’re in you listen to companies they
want to be number one based on what
metrics based on what time frames
revenues market share square footage
number of employees based on a quarter a
year five years ten years 50 years I
didn’t agree to those standards you
can’t suddenly just arbitrarily say
we’re number one no one else agreed to
the standards it’s nonsense to beat our
competition based on what and they study
their competition trying to outdo their
competition and yet I’ve never heard of
a company that’s taken down by
competitors they know they’re always
taken down by the competitors they don’t
know do you think myspace knew that
Facebook existed they were worried about
Friendster you can’t make strategic
decisions from studying your competition
you can make tactical decisions from
study your competition but not strategic
decisions which when you listen to the
way most companies play the game they’re
in the wrong game that’s why they get
frustrated the great organizations
understand that they’re playing to stay
in the game Jim Senegal the founder of
Costco says Wall Street’s in the
business of making the quarter of the
year we’re in the business of building
company for the next 50 years the
understanding of knowing what game
you’re in radically changes the kinds of
decisions you make in the way you see
the world it is also tremendously
confidence building let me give you a
stru story I spoke at a education and
education that’s funny I spoke at an
education summit from Microsoft I also
spoke at an education summit for Apple
that’s education from Mike at the
education summit for Microsoft I would
say that 70% of the executives spent
about 70% of their presentations talking
about how to beat Apple at the Apple
education summit a hundred percent of
the executives spent a hundred percent
of their presentations talking about
how to help teachers teach and how to
help students learn one is playing this
way and one is playing that way one is
playing finite and the other one is
playing infinite guess which one gets
frustrated so at the end of my talk at
Microsoft they gave me a gift they gave
me the new Zune when it was a thing and
let me tell you this thing was
spectacular
it was the most elegant piece of
technology I’d ever used the user
interface was incredible the design was
spectacular I absolutely loved it it was
easy to use and it was bright and
gorgeous and it didn’t work on iTunes
which is a different problem so I
couldn’t use it but but it was amazing
and elegant my god it was elegant
so I’m sitting in the back of a taxi
with a very senior Apple executive sort
of employee number 12 kind of guy and
you know I like to stir pots so I turned
him I said you know Microsoft gave me
their new zoom and it is so much better
than your iPod Touch and he turned to me
and he said I have no doubt conversation
because the infinite player understands
sometimes your head and sometimes you
behind
sometimes your product is better and
sometimes it’s worse the goal isn’t to
be the best every day the goal isn’t out
to outdo your competition every day
that’s a finite construction if I had
said to Microsoft I’ve got the new iPod
touch and it’s so much better than your
zoom they would have said can we see it
what does it do react react react react
finite players play to be bet to beat
the people around them infinite players
play to be better than themselves to
wake up every single day and say how can
we make our company a better version of
itself today than it was yesterday how
can we create a product this week that’s
better than the product we created last
week we also have to play the infinite
game it’s not about being ranked number
one it’s not about having more followers
on Twitter than your friends it’s not
about outdoing anyone it’s about how to
outdo yourself it’s not about selling
more books or getting more Ted views
than somebody else it’s about how to
make sure that the work that you’re
producing is better than the work you
produced before you are your competition
and that is what ensures you stay in the
game the longest and that is what
ensures you find joy because the joy
comes not from comparison but from
advancement the problem is the problem
is were human beings and we love to
compare we can’t we love a ranking oh we
love a ranking top 10 list top 100 that
oh we love a ranking you know every
industries has got its own rankings and
we love to be on those rankings even
though most of the rankings are
arbitrary you can pretty much oil most
of them you buy your way onto most of
them right but I’m on the list right
they did a study a who do all the
studies they did a study where they
asked people if I wanted a free four
hundred thousand dollar house on a block
where all the other houses are a hundred
thousand dollars or a free
in dollar house on a block where all the
other houses are a million four million
dollars most people took the four
hundred thousand dollar house we just
love to be better than each other but
that is a depressing way to live a life
what I urge you to do if you are not a
millennial is to have a little empathy
for the Millennials around you they were
dealt a bad hand and unfortunately we
have to help them build their confidence
find their patience and break the habit
from their technologies so that they can
learn the social skills they need to
leave happy joyful lives if you are a
millennial it’s not you and take care of
the Millennial friends that you have
around you because they’re not mad at
you and they’re not bad people they were
dealt the same bad hand that you were
dealt don’t demand that they take care
of you take care of them and that’s part
of the problem there’s an entire section
in the book shop called self-help
and there’s no section in the book shop
called help others and the way that we
fix the problems in the world is not by
trying the demand that help people help
us how can I lose 10 pounds how can I
find love how can I find the job that
I’ve made of my dreams that’s what all
the books say no it should be how can I
help my friend live a healthy lifestyle
how can I help my friend find a lifetime
of fulfillment that’s what it’s about
it’s about service to others because
that’s what it means to be human
everything about our makeup our biology
and our anthropology is designed to get
us to look after each other everything
about our makeup is designed to get us
to take care of each other that’s why an
event like this feels better than
watching it online because we get to sit
next to each other we get to sit with
each other it’s nicer for me too it’s
much nicer for me to be here with you
because we’re social but we all have a
responsibility in this tribe if you want
to have a happy successful fulfilling
confident life you
have to commit yourself to take care of
the people around you that’s just how it works good
ambitious idealistic hard-working kids
and there right out of college there in
their entry-level jobs and I’ll ask them
how is it going and they’ll say I think
I’m gonna quit and I’m like why they say
to me I’m not making an impact I’m like
you know you’ve been here eight months
right they treat the sense of
fulfillment or even love like it’s a
scavenger hunt like it’s something you
look for my millennial friends they’ve
gone through so many jobs they’re either
getting fired I mean it was mutual or
they’re quitting because they’re not
making an impact or they’re not finding
anything they’re looking for they’re not
feeling fulfilled as if it’s a scavenger
hunt love a job you find joy from is not
something you discover it’s not like I
found love here it is I found a job I
love that’s not how it works both of
those things require hard work you are
in love because you work very hard every
single day of your life to stay in love
you find a job that brings you ultimate
joy because you work hard every single
day to serve those around you and you
maintain that joy it’s not a discovery
but the problem is the sense of
impatience it’s as if an entire
generation is standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large
amove Abul object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about
take a helicopter climb I don’t care but
there’s still a mountain life career
fulfillment relationships are journeys
the problem is this entire generation
hasn’t institutionalized sense of
impatience and do they have the patience
to go on the journey to maintain love to
feel fulfilled or do they just quit and
on to the next dump and on to the next
ghost and on to the next and by the way
ghosting means the lack of skill to have
a confrontation you date somebody for
six months eight months
and then just stop replying just delete
now for the person who is doing the
ghost thing oh that’s certainly easier
than a confrontation but the person on
the receiving end of the ghost thing
it’s like there’s a death there’s
suddenly shun there’s panic they call
out their warning they call out their
word they think it’s you they think it’s
them do you have any idea the
destruction that we reap on people by
ghosting them and then because there’s
the lack of social skills to call out
and ask for help they internalize and it
makes them feel awful to the point at
the worst they will kill themselves
slightly one level down they’ll get
depressed but the lowest level that we
can hope for is they will go through
life and I’m not talking about ghosting
I’m talking an entire generation that if
we don’t fix this we’ll go through life
where everything’s just fine my
friendships are fine my work is fine you
know same old same old nothing’s ever
amazing and the scavenger hunt continues
we’re taking a generation that has lower
self esteem we’re taking a generation
that has a lack of cocka cocka
mechanisms to deal with stress we’re
capable dealing with a generation that
wants all those things fixed immediately
and we’re placing them in work
environments that values money more than
people do know that most of the business
philosophies most of the business
theories that we embrace and see a
standard today are not standard they’re
theories left over from the 80s and 90s
the concept of shareholder supremacy was
a theory proposed in the late 1970s it
was popularized in the 80s and eighties
the concept of using mass layoffs to
balance the books did not exist
in the United States prior to the 1980s
it did not exist it became popular in
the 80s and 90s the 80s and 90s were
boom years anyone could make money
relative peace a kinder gentler cold war
and so all of the business theories that
were put forth were very very selfish
and all about enriching ourselves and
they worked for those times but these
times are different these are not
peaceful times these are not boom years
this is there’s globalization than the
internet which
now made everything vastly more
complicated and those theories do not
work anymore
worse they’re having side effects it’s
really bad because what we do is we
destroy corporate cultures the idea of
using mass layoffs can you imagine
sending someone home and saying I’m
sorry I can no longer provide for our
family because the company missed its
arbitrary projections this year that’s
what we’re doing that’s like a coach
prioritizing the needs of the fans over
the needs of the players hoping to build
a great team it doesn’t work we
dismantled things like the
glass-steagall Act glass-steagall was
passed after the Great Depression to
prevent another Great Depression from
happening it was dismantled in the 80s
and the 90s in the name of profit okay
do you know how many stock market
crashes we had between the Great
Depression and the dismantling of
glass-steagall the answer is zero and
since they dismantled glass-steagall we
had 87 the dot-com crash 2008 we’ve had
three stock market crashes because we’ve
moved the safety mechanisms that prevent
stock market crashes from happening all
in the name of individual advancement
and profits and these are the corporate
cultures we’ve built corporate cultures
that value numbers over people and they
are not standard business practices they
are new and they are broken and they are
dangerous and we’re asking a young
wonderful ambitious amazing generation
that needs us to work in these
environments whether we like it or not
we have to take responsibility for that
bad hand that you’ve been dealt it is up
to the companies to create an
environment in which you can build your
self-confidence it is up to the
companies to create an environment in
which you can learn coping mechanisms
and learn how to build strong close
relationships with people with whom you
work you will eventually love and
these environments that we will learn
the patience and the hard work that it
takes to find fulfilment in our lives to
find a sense of purpose a sense of joy
yes it’s all fine and good that my
generation and older generations say to
you things like well you’re the future
leaders
we’re the leaders now we’re the ones in
control of the corporate environments
now and we’re making your lives worse I
don’t want you to jump from job to job
to job to job you will never find what
you’re looking for it’s not a scavenger
hunt I don’t want you to go from
relationship to relationship to
relationship what I want you to do is
stand up and demand that the places in
which you work lead you properly nobody
wants to wake up in the morning and be
managed we want to wake up in the
morning and be led and we have a total
leadership crisis in America politics is
just the mirror reflection we get the
politicians we deserve we’re the divided
ones we’re the selfish ones we’re the
broken ones
we’re the ones who would sooner
sacrifice somebody else so that we may
gain it’s us and until we’re willing to
do the hard work of repairing the world
around us our country our politics our
businesses will not fix so I get a
question at every single talk that I
give and every single meeting that I
have invariably someone will ask me the
Millenial question apparently and most
of you in here I think were born after
the year 1984 right which makes you
apparently your generation is unbeatable
apparently you confound leaders and I
travel around talking about this thing
called leadership and apparently you’re
the one they have no idea what to do
with which I think is funny and so in
what they’ve started to do then is ask
you what you want and you reply back
open-plan and so they do that and yet
nothing changes and so instead of trying
to figure it out trying to understand
you guys they accuse you of being
entitled they accuse you being
narcissistic sometimes accuse you being
lazy I’ve heard that one and I think
that they are completely wrong
I think what they haven’t spent the time
to do is to practice empathy which
ironically is the first criteria of
being a good leader which is you have to
be good at empathy and so when I get
asked this question all the time it only
makes sense that I should empathize and
try and have an answer right so here’s
what I tell everybody I’ve broken it
down into sort of four observations
parenting technology impatience and
environment many of this young
generation of this millennial generation
were subject to what has been described
as a failed parenting strategy some of
you and many of your friends were raised
being told that you were special and you
were told that you can have whatever you
want just because you want it
many schools gave performance oh no I
think participation ribbons so in other
words kids got medals for coming in last
and the science on this is good we know
what it does is it devalues the feeling
in the middle for the person who
actually works hard to come in first and
it embarrasses the person who comes in
last because they know they don’t
deserve it and it makes them feel worse
some kids got into honors classes not
because they deserved it but because
their parents complained and some kids
got a is not because they earn them but
because the teachers didn’t want to deal
with the parents and then you graduate
and you get a job and in an instant your
entire self view is shattered because
many kids find out that they’re not
special they find out that they can’t
have whatever they want just because
they want it there’s nothing when you
come in last
you get no medal for coming in last and
your parents cannot help you get a
promotion
and so what the result is is an entire
generation where there’s a
disproportionately high number of people
growing up with lower self-confidence
than previous generations because this
entire self-image is completely
shattered instantaneously and so much so
that I actually hear stories of people’s
parents filling out their job
applications for them and other things
right it’s that bad right then you
combine it with the second observation
which is technology we know that and we
engage with social media or our cell
phones a chemical in our body called
dopamine is released right it’s what
makes us feel good right dopamine is the
same chemical that is released in our
bodies when we find something we’re
looking for like your keys when you go
on Google when you hit the goal or win
the game that yes this sense of joy or
in sort of that that’s dopamine well we
know that we get a hit of dopamine when
we engage with social media when our
phones go buzz Bing flash or beep that’s
why if you’re feeling a little bit down
you pull out your phone and you send 10
texts to 10 friends you know high high
high high high and you hope that
somebody texts you back because when you
they do it feels good right there are
other things that release dopamine
alcohol nicotine gambling all release
dopamine it’s why they feel good and
almost all addictions are dopamine based
addictions we also know that almost all
alcoholics discovered alcohol when they
were teenagers
you see when we’re very very young the
only approval we need is the approval of
our parents then when we go through
adolescence we make this transition
where we now need the approval of our
peers very frustrating for our parents
very important for us it allows us to
acculturate outside of our immediate
families into the broader tribe it is a
time of high stress and high anxiety and
we’re supposed to learn to rely on our
friends some people quite by accident
discover alcohol and the numbing effects
of dopamine and unfortunately that
connection becomes hard
and then for the rest of their lives
every time they face significant stress
they don’t turn to a person they turned
to the bottle right now as I said before
we know that social media and cell
phones release dopamine now we have age
restrictions on alcohol with age
restrictions on tobacco and we have age
restrictions on gambling but we have no
age restrictions on social media and
cell phones it’s as if an entire
generation who are going through
adolescence their parents have thrown
open the liquor cabinet and said try the
vodka to help you get through the
teenage years that’s what social media
and cell phones do so unfortunately for
too many people that connection is
becoming hardwired
and as they grow up when they face
significant stress in their lives
instead of learning to turn to a person
they turn to a device right where we
seek solace in social media where we’ll
check an Instagram post how many likes
we’re getting the check we’ll check and
we’ll check a check and we’ll check and
we’ll check and sometimes our own
self-worth comes from how many followers
we have it can become devastating to us
when somebody unfollow us right the only
way that we we sweet we stand away from
stress when we face it in other words an
entire generation is growing up having
not practiced or learned coping
mechanisms for stress this is very very
serious for social animals that need
each other where we haven’t learned
those skills it’s and it’s even worse
because if you want to go on a date you
don’t have to learn to be like hey you
just swipe right you just got a date you
can have four dates in an evening right
and if you don’t like the person you
don’t have to learn to say no when you
mean yes and yes when you mean no and
yes you just swipe left it’s done in
other words the social skills aren’t
developing and so there’s an entire
generation that’s growing up with lower
self confidence going into a workforce
having their self-image shattered not
knowing necessarily how to deal with all
the stress that they’re facing of
growing up and starting to
finding out where you fit and all of
that good stuff and instead of turning
to a person we’re turning to dices and
the results are starting to show up in
the statistics we know that suicide is
on the rise amongst this generation we
know that accidental death due to due to
overdoses is on the rise amongst this
generation depression is on the rise
amongst this generation universities are
suffering an epidemic where they’re
dealing with disproportionately high
numbers of students than they’ve ever
dealt with ever before taking leaves of
absence due to depression and then to
compound the effect it’s a generation
that’s grown up with filters Facebook
and Instagram and we curate our own
lives and present to the world how we
want to be seen and we make ourselves
look good we make the weather look
better and the sunsets are always more
bright in Instagram and they were in
real life in other words we’re good at
presenting ourselves as we’re not but
how we want to be seen and so everybody
thinks this generation is strong and
confident and all the companies we go
work for they think we have it all
figured out and we certainly sound I say
we
I’d only dress like a 16 year old this
generation presents itself as having all
the answers and yet they don’t and
stress runs high and they don’t know how
to ask for help and gets worse then you
add in the manner in which so many
people grew up in this generation within
sense of impatience now as I said before
you’re often accused of being entitled
and it certainly seems that way but I
think it’s a misreading of the tea
leaves you’ve grown up in a world of
instant gratification you want to buy
something you go on Amazon it shows up
the next day you won’t you want to watch
a movie
don’t check movie times you just stream
it whatever you want to watch it TV
shows you don’t wait week to week to eat
you can binge watch the whole weekend
and like I said even dating is just a
swipe to the right right everything is
incident everything is instant
gratification and the problem is too
many people have applied that sense of
instant gratification to their careers
and to the lives and the problem is
there ain’t no app
for that I hear from this generation
that too many people struggle to form
their words not mine
struggle to form deep meaningful
relationships many will admit that most
of their friendships are superficial
many will admit that their friends would
cancel on them if something better came
along many would admit that they don’t
have deep trusting loving relationships
with their own friends that’s because
it’s a journey I talked to so many smart
fantastic ambitious idealistic
hard-working kids and they’re right out
of college they’re in their entry-level
jobs and I’ll ask them how’s it going
and they’ll say I think I’m gonna quit
and I’m like why they say to me I’m not
making an impact I’m like you know
you’ve been here eight months right they
treat the sense of fulfillment or even
love like it’s a scavenger hunt like
it’s something you look for my
millennial friends they’ve gone through
so many jobs they’re either getting
fired I mean it was mutual or they’re
quitting because they’re not making an
impact or they’re not finding the thing
they’re looking for they’re not feeling
fulfilled as if it’s a scavenger hunt
love a job you find joy from is not
something you discover it’s not like I
found love here it is I found a job I
love that’s not how it works both of
those things require hard work you are
in love because you work very hard every
single day of your life to stay in love
you find a job that brings you ultimate
joy because you work hard every single
day to serve those around you and you
maintain that joy it’s not a discovery
but the problem is this sense of
impatience it’s as if an entire
generation of standing at the foot of a
mountain they know exactly what they
want they can see the summit what they
can’t see is the mountain this large a
movable object that doesn’t mean you
have to do your time that’s not what I’m
talking about take a helicopter climb I
don’t care but there’s still a mountain
life career fulfillment relationships
our journeys the problem is this entire
generation has an institutionalized
sense of impatience and do they have the
patience to go on the journey to
maintain love to feel fulfilled or do
they just quit and on to the next dump
and on to the next ghost and on to the
next
and by the way ghost thing means the
lack of skill to have a confrontation
you date somebody for six months eight
months and then just stop replying just
delete them from everything now for the
person who’s doing the ghosting oh
that’s certainly easier than a
confrontation but the person on the
receiving end of the ghost thing it’s
like there’s a death there’s suddenly
shun there’s panic they call out their
warning they call out their word they
think it’s you they think it’s them do
you have any idea the destruction that
we reap on people by ghosting them and
then because there’s the lack of social
skills to call out and ask for help they
internalize and it makes them feel awful
to the point at the worst they will kill
themselves slightly one level down
they’ll get depressed but the lowest
level that we can hope for is they will
go through life and I’m not talking
about ghosting I’m talking an entire
generation that if we don’t fix this
we’ll go through life where everything’s
just fine my friendships are fine my
work is fine you know same old same old
nothing’s ever amazing and the scavenger
hunt continues and then you go to the
fourth observation the most egregious of
all of them environment we’re taking a
generation that is lower self-esteem
we’re taking a generation that has a
lack of Coco ping mechanisms to deal
with stress we’re dealing with a
generation that wants all those things
fixed immediately and we’re placing them
into work environments that values money
more than people do you know that most
of the business philosophies most of the
business theories that we embrace and
see a standard today are not standard
they’re theories left over from the 80s
and 90s the concept of shareholder
supremacy was a theory proposed in the
late 1970s it was
polarized in the 80s and 90s the concept
of using mass layoffs to balance the
books did not exist in the United States
prior to the 1980s it did not exist it
became popular in the 80s and 90s the
80s and 90s were boom years anyone could
make money relative peace a kinder
gentler cold war and so all of the
business theories that were put forth
were very very selfish and all about
enriching ourselves and they worked for
those times but these times are
different these are not peaceful times
these are not boom years this is there’s
globalization than the internet which
has now made everything vastly more
complicated and those theories do not
work anymore worse they’re having side
effects it’s really bad because what we
do is we destroy corporate cultures the
idea of using mass layoffs can you
imagine sending someone home and saying
I’m sorry I can no longer provide for
our family because the company missed
its arbitrary projections this year
that’s what we’re doing that’s like a
coach prioritizing the needs of the fans
over the needs of the players hoping to
build a great team it doesn’t work we
dismantled things like the
glass-steagall Act glass-steagall was
passed after the Great Depression to
prevent another Great Depression from
happening it was dismantled in the 80s
and the 90s in the name of profit okay
do you know how many stock market
crashes we had between the Great
Depression and the dismantling of
glass-steagall the answer is zero and
since they dismantled glass-steagall we
had 87 the dot-com crash 2008 we’ve had
three stock market crashes because we’ve
moved the safety mechanisms that prevent
stock market crashes from happening all
in the name of individual advancement
and profit and these are the corporate
cultures we’ve built corporate cultures
that value numbers over people and they
are not standard business practices they
are new and they are broken and they
dangerous and we’re asking a young
wonderful ambitious amazing generation
that needs us to work in these
environments whether we like it or not
we have to take responsibility for that
bad hand that you’ve been dealt it is up
to the companies to create an
environment in which you can build your
self-confidence it is up to the
companies to create an environment in
which you can learn coping mechanisms
and learn how to build strong close
relationships with people with whom you
work that you will eventually love and
sacrifice to see that they gain it is in
these environments that we will learn
the patience and the hard work that it
takes to find fulfilment in our lives to
find a sense of purpose a sense of joy
yes it’s all fine and good that my
generation and older generations say to
you things like well you’re the Future
Leaders we’re the leaders now we’re the
ones in control over the corporate
environments now and we’re making your
lives worse I don’t want you to jump
from job to job to job to job you will
never find what you’re looking for it’s
not a scavenger hunt I don’t want you to
go from relationship to relationship to
relationship what I want you to do is
stand up and demand that the places in
which you work lead you properly nobody
wants to wake up in the morning and be
managed we want to wake up in the
morning and be led and we have a total
leadership crisis in America politics is
just the mirror reflection we get the
politicians we deserve we’re the divided
ones we’re the selfish ones we’re the
broken ones
we’re the ones who would sooner
sacrifice somebody else so that we may
gain it’s us and until we’re willing to
do the hard work of repairing the world
around us our country our politics our
businesses will not fix which leads me
understanding the game were playing this
game called work or life or love
whichever one you want or all of them in
game theory there are two kinds of games
there are finite games and there are
infinite games a finite game is defined
as known players fixed rules and an
agreed upon objective baseball we all
agree what the rules are and at the end
of nine innings whoever has more runs we
declare the winner and the game is over
no one ever says wait wait wait if we
can just play three more innings I know
we can come back and win doesn’t happen
right you have winners and you have
losers right then there’s an infinite
game an infinite game is defined as
known and unknown players the rules are
changeable and the objective is to keep
the game and play to perpetuate the game
when you pit a finite player versus a
finite player the system is stable
baseball is stable when you pit an
infinite player versus an infinite
player the system is also stable the
Cold War was stable because there can be
no winners and losers it doesn’t exist
that’s it not a scenario we want and so
you keep the game and play to keep it
stable and in an infinite game because
there are no winners or losers what
happens is players drop out when they
run out of the will or the resources to
play and then they’re replaced by other
players the game perpetuates the players
change out problems arise when you pit a
finite player versus an infinite player
because the finite player is playing to
win and the infinite player is playing
to stay in the game and the finite
player will always get frustrated they
will find themselves in quagmire this
was the United States in Vietnam we were
fighting to win they were fighting for
their lives
this was the Soviet Union in Afghanistan
they were fight to beat the Mujahideen
the Mujahideen would fight for as long
as was necessary now let’s look at the
game of business the game of business is
by its very definition an infinite game
it is pre-existed before every single
company on this planet ever it existed
and it will outlast
every single company on this planet but
if you listen to the words of most
companies they don’t know the game
they’re in you listen to companies they
want to be number one based on what
metrics based on what time frames
revenues market share square footage
number of employees based on a quarter a
year five years ten years 50 years I
didn’t agree to those standards you
can’t suddenly just arbitrarily say
we’re number one no one else agreed to
the standards it’s nonsense to beat our
competition based on what and they study
their competition trying to outdo their
competition and yet I’ve never heard of
a company that’s taken down by
competitors they know they’re always
taken down by the competitors they don’t
know do you think myspace knew that
Facebook existed they were worried about
Friendster you can’t make strategic
decisions from studying your competition
you can make tactical decisions from
study your competition but not strategic
decisions which when you listen to the
way most companies play the game they’re
in the wrong game that’s why they get
frustrated the great organizations
understand that they’re playing to stay
in the game Jim Senegal the founder of
Costco says Wall Street’s in the
business of making the quarter of the
year we’re in the business of building
company for the next 50 years the
understanding of knowing what game
you’re in radically changes the kinds of
decisions you make in the way you see
the world it is also tremendously
confidence building let me give you a
stru story I spoke at a education and
education that’s funny I spoke at an
education summit from Microsoft I also
spoke at an education summit for Apple
that’s education from Mike at the
education summit for Microsoft I would
say that 70% of the executives spent
about 70% of their presentations talking
about how to beat Apple at the Apple
education summit a hundred percent of
the executives spent a hundred percent
of their presentations talking about
how to help teachers teach and how to
help students learn one is playing this
way and one is playing that way one is
playing finite and the other one is
playing infinite guess which one gets
frustrated so at the end of my talk at
Microsoft they gave me a gift they gave
me the new Zune when it was a thing and
let me tell you this thing was
spectacular
it was the most elegant piece of
technology I’d ever used the user
interface was incredible the design was
spectacular I absolutely loved it it was
easy to use and it was bright and
gorgeous and it didn’t work on iTunes
which is a different problem so I
couldn’t use it but but it was amazing
and elegant my god it was elegant
so I’m sitting in the back of a taxi
with a very senior Apple executive sort
of employee number 12 kind of guy and
you know I like to stir pots so I turned
him I said you know Microsoft gave me
their new zoom and it is so much better
than your iPod Touch and he turned to me
and he said I have no doubt conversation
because the infinite player understands
sometimes your head and sometimes you
behind
sometimes your product is better and
sometimes it’s worse the goal isn’t to
be the best every day the goal isn’t out
to outdo your competition every day
that’s a finite construction if I had
said to Microsoft I’ve got the new iPod
touch and it’s so much better than your
zoom they would have said can we see it
what does it do react react react react
finite players play to be bet to beat
the people around them infinite players
play to be better than themselves to
wake up every single day and say how can
we make our company a better version of
itself today than it was yesterday how
can we create a product this week that’s
better than the product we created last
week we also have to play the infinite
game it’s not about being ranked number
one it’s not about having more followers
on Twitter than your friends it’s not
about outdoing anyone it’s about how to
outdo yourself it’s not about selling
more books or getting more Ted views
than somebody else it’s about how to
make sure that the work that you’re
producing is better than the work you
produced before you are your competition
and that is what ensures you stay in the
game the longest and that is what
ensures you find joy because the joy
comes not from comparison but from
advancement the problem is the problem
is were human beings and we love to
compare we can’t we love a ranking oh we
love a ranking top 10 list top 100 that
oh we love a ranking you know every
industries has got its own rankings and
we love to be on those rankings even
though most of the rankings are
arbitrary you can pretty much oil most
of them you buy your way onto most of
them right but I’m on the list right
they did a study a who do all the
studies they did a study where they
asked people if I wanted a free four
hundred thousand dollar house on a block
where all the other houses are a hundred
thousand dollars or a free
in dollar house on a block where all the
other houses are a million four million
dollars most people took the four
hundred thousand dollar house we just
love to be better than each other but
that is a depressing way to live a life
what I urge you to do if you are not a
millennial is to have a little empathy
for the Millennials around you they were
dealt a bad hand and unfortunately we
have to help them build their confidence
find their patience and break the habit
from their technologies so that they can
learn the social skills they need to
leave happy joyful lives if you are a
millennial it’s not you and take care of
the Millennial friends that you have
around you because they’re not mad at
you and they’re not bad people they were
dealt the same bad hand that you were
dealt don’t demand that they take care
of you take care of them and that’s part
of the problem there’s an entire section
in the book shop called self-help
and there’s no section in the book shop
called help others and the way that we
fix the problems in the world is not by
trying the demand that help people help
us how can I lose 10 pounds how can I
find love how can I find the job that
I’ve made of my dreams that’s what all
the books say no it should be how can I
help my friend live a healthy lifestyle
how can I help my friend find a lifetime
of fulfillment that’s what it’s about
it’s about service to others because
that’s what it means to be human
everything about our makeup our biology
and our anthropology is designed to get
us to look after each other everything
about our makeup is designed to get us
to take care of each other that’s why an
event like this feels better than
watching it online because we get to sit
next to each other we get to sit with
each other it’s nicer for me too it’s
much nicer for me to be here with you
because we’re social but we all have a
responsibility in this tribe if you want
to have a happy successful fulfilling
confident life you
have to commit yourself to take care of
the people around you that’s just how it works good
Please follow and like us: