water on my way to water in school just
waiting for the bell to ring so I can
get to water or talking about water safe
to say I’ve spent my entire life
swimming growing up in a single-parent
family my mom wasn’t able to afford much
but what she could afford was for us to
swim so we swam and soon the water
became like a security blanket for me
it’s where I felt at home because it’s
where my family was when I was 8 years
old I was diagnosed as a motor tic
disorder now this is really similar to
Tourette’s but instead of involuntary
sounds it’s involuntary actions and
behavior swimming wasn’t just something
I love to do anymore but something I had
to do in order to feel like myself and I
didn’t matter to me that I wasn’t the
fastest in the pool or that my flip
turns were absolutely terrible and all
of these embarrassing moments that today
might seem so monumental to me then they
were just a small irritation on my way
into the pool and that’s because of what
I can say I know now for sure and what I
think 10 year-old me was getting the
hang of struggle isn’t a foe it’s a
friend I was terrible at pool technique
so we came in open water swimmer now I’m
14 years old and I’m standing on the
edge of the Welland Canal talk about it
to get in for a two hour training swim
I’m only three months away from my
world-record attempt on Lake Ontario
when all of a sudden all of these rowers
come out onto the water and my mom tells
me that for safety I’m gonna have to
swim along the side of the canal I’m 14
years old I don’t care about safety I’m
thinking about the seaweed and the slime
and the snakes that I know or
side of that canal my mind was so stuck
in the utter uck of having to swim there
that I wasn’t focused on my goal and I
didn’t get in my mom being who she has
had me go back later to redo it except
this time she wasn’t getting in with me
so I get in the water and I know that my
mom’s walking along the path beside me
but I can’t see her all I can see is
what’s underneath me and it was during
that swim that for the first time I
truly understood what it meant to feel
alone what it meant to feel afraid I had
seen those snakes before but then I
finished and I finished happy with a lot
of seaweed in my hair but I finished
knowing that when I was afraid when I
felt alone I could push through it so of
course I finished the swim and I feel on
top of the world I just went with the
snakes I swam in cold water I’ve even
swam the dark but then I had to learn
things I don’t even know I had to know
like I wasn’t gonna feed myself I
couldn’t just waltz over to the fridge
in the middle of my swim so my mom and I
we start trying out all of these
incredible products at these legendary
stores before me I’d use Marilyn Bell
Vicki Keith and not one of them worked
and I was so disappointed so frustrated
how could I expect to be great if I
can’t use this same products as these
great swimmers have you ever felt that
way just so completely frustrated
because what someone says should work
for you just doesn’t when I felt that
way I wouldn’t for a swim because it’s
what always makes me feel better
so while I was training my mom would do
her research and when I wasn’t training
I could help and eventually we found a
solution
the Targo
but it was a solution because it was my
solution what works for everybody else
won’t always work for you not everyone
fits the same mold but there is a
last summer my mom sat me down and she
said that we wouldn’t be swimming in the
canal anymore and obviously I’m
concerned but basically they have found
beavers now when you hear the word
beaver you probably think of what a cute
little fuzzy animal maybe one used to
all sing about in primary school not
true okay beavers have teeth huge teeth
that they use to chop down trees
aka your legs okay beavers are
territorial beavers can be aggressive
safe to say I’m solo petrified of
beavers three weeks later I find myself
once again standing at the edge of the
Welland Canal it had been raining and I
had to get a swim in three K later and
my mom yells across the canal Trinity
you have to swim fast around to the
middle of the canal you can’t stop don’t
faster so naturally I do the opposite
what had happened was my mom had seen a
giant beaver dive into the water and it
was now swimming towards me I freaked
out you know my arms were flailing and
my head was out of the water I was
crying hysterically now was it likely
that I was going to be attacked by a
beaver no but was the fear real yes and
my mom my sister they were telling me
how to finish safely but I was so
focused on my own fear my own
interpretation that I wouldn’t listen if
I had I would have been done a lot
sooner and this story would be far less
embarrassing sometimes we can’t just
believe in ourselves we have to put our
faith in other people we have to believe
in them but that’s hard
because putting your faith in another
person means you’re admitting you have
that’s scary really scary now it’s 2014
and now I’m in Lake Ontario and I’ve
been swimming since morning the day
before and my arms are aching and my
back is sore and my fingers and toes are
so wrinkly I look like I’m 90 years old
but that’s okay because I can see it the
Toronto skyline my finish my god I’m so
close and then it’s gone and then the
rain starts pouring and the waves start
crashing in that threatening Thunder I
can hear it approaching it’s over top of
me I’m done and I’m looking around for
my crew for my mom Vicki and I can’t see
them anywhere I’m scared but then I hear
them they’re in zodiacs and they’re
coming in closer they’re directing me in
and out of storms keeping me safe
pointing these my finish that day I made
it to Maryland Bell Park even with one
last way of throwing me and a rather
large log into the concrete black eye
and all but if I hadn’t swam with the
snakes if I hadn’t swam in cold water if
I hadn’t swam in the dark if I hadn’t
swam every single time I didn’t want to
I never would have been able to swim
through that storm struggle wasn’t my
foe it was the reason I finished it was
my friend but when I touched the wall in
Maryland Bell Park I knew that even in
the hardest parts of that swim when I
felt like I was truly alone
I never was because my crew believed in
me even
when I didn’t believe in myself when I
couldn’t see my finish they could see it
for me about a year ago I decided I had
one last big swim left in me one last
big swim before I really had to calm
down on training and focus on my
schoolwork after talking with my mom and
talking with some other people I just
thought I won that to be the English
Channel England to France
a legendary swim in my realm of sport
and I was so excited but I can honestly
say from the minute I made that decision
to the minute we got to England it was
one big year of struggle struggle to get
training time in struggle to get the
money to go just general lack of
knowledge but that was ok because you
see for months we had this giant poster
up in our living room it was a map of my
route Dover England to Calais France and
when I got to England there were
swimmers from all over the world and I
was so excited to tell them about my
route but the minute I told him about my
destination all I heard was laughter it
turns out clay France and cap Crenn a
France are two very different locations
for the past year I hadn’t even
visualized my swim correctly and now I’m
standing on the beach in Dover England
looking across to France and I can’t see
it there was too much fog and doubt was
creeping in now I’m sure most of us here
have been to Port Dalhousie right for
those of you who haven’t when you stand
at the end of the pier and you look
straight across to Toronto you can see
the CN Tower you can see the whole
skyline really somebody’s that looks so
close you can almost touch it I’ve swam
there so I can promise you it’s not that
close but in Dover there’s so much fog
on
top of the channel that you can’t see
France and it just looks like endless
amounts of water so for three weeks I
sat for three weeks I watched summers
leave some were successful some weren’t
for three weeks I stared at what seemed
like endless amounts of ocean what if I
didn’t have it in me what what I think
of myself if after all my family’s been
through to get here I can’t do this what
are the people back home gonna think of
me then he believed in me what if I let
every single one of them down for three
one day we decided maybe I had lost my
shot he said tomorrow we should start
packing up a few of our things and then
the strangest thing happened the English
Channel completely opened up it was the
strangest meal for the first time in two
months standing on English soil you
could see France it was in that moment
that I had to believe that this womb was
a part of some bigger plan
why else after three weeks of waiting
why else
the next day either when a weather
window did open up and I got to start my
swim across the English Channel I can’t
explain why and I can’t explain how but
it was like the minute I got in the
water I felt like I was being carried
and I knew I would finish because I knew
that this one had to be a part of
something bigger when’s the last time
you’re in a situation where you
just had trouble believing you could do
it you stopped yourself short because
maybe you didn’t think you were capable
or maybe you thought it would be too
hard you lost faith
someone let you down you let yourself
down I’m here to tell you to keep trying
if you had seen the little girl I was
never quite meddling in her events and
doing some in Paris things bad flip
turns you never would have thought she’d
be a world record holder and justice
marathon swimmer you can’t let it stop
you when you set a goal people will help
you and amazing things happen when you
just try and it may not be the people
you think it may not be your best friend
but incredible people will come around
you and I know there are days where the
chaos makes it seem like it’s just too
overwhelming days where you can’t see
where you’re going because there’s just
too much fog but there is a bigger plan
one that we are all a part of but you
have to take the first step because one
day the fog will clear and for the first
time in a long time you’ll be able to
clearly see where you need to go but you
have to be ready for that moment you
have to experience the struggle you have
to give it everything you have struggle
believes you can push through and so do
I on September 14th
I finished my swim across the English
Channel but only because first I
believed in myself I learned how to
believe in others and I believed that my
son was a part of something bigger and I
so what are you gonna believe in who are
you going to believe in because when you
believe in yourself when you believe in
other people but when you put your faith
in something bigger than just yourself
anything is possible
thank you
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