who’s your plastic surgeon Tim Burton
they asked for it and they got it this
guy has an ego when Trump bangs a
supermodel he closes his eyes and
imagines he’s jerking off welcome to
watchmojo.com and today we’re counting
down our picks for the top 10 celebrity
roasts you could have come up with other
characters your fans have never seen
like Larry’s a dentist or Larry the
librarian or Larry the high school
diploma for this list we’re focusing
mainly on Comedy Central roasts right
before the show started Seth rolled two
gigantic fatty because that was the only
way we could get Jonah Hill onto the
stage however the table is open to all
of those special events where a
particular person otherwise known as a
guest of honor is the center or subject
of jokes made for the entertainment of a
public audience that have taken place
over the years what do you laugh at our
Flav
you look like Whoopi Goldberg and Gollum
from Lord of the Rings had an abortion
number 10 Larry the Cable Guy I am
talking of course about Larry the Cable
Guy you might be wondering why Comedy
Central decided to host a redneck roast
but perhaps the bigger question is why
Marcia Brady ended up on stage the
answer because he wanted someone he used
to masturbate to in high school and mr.
ed wasn’t available the Nebraskan
comedians name is actually Daniel
Whitney and his blue-collar stage
character was torched in 2009 by a full
cast of opening acts including his own
in the form of someone named Reno
Callear is Larry the Cable guy’s opening
act Reno Collier as always Lisa
Lampanelli proved that women can make a
career in comedy by screaming and
continuously referencing their ass while
the late greg Giraldo asked the most
important question of all hollow high
number nine David Hasselhoff and I am
here to salute the greatest cartoon
character of all time David Hasselhoff
wait don’t you have to be relevant in
America to get your own Comedy Central
Roast Oh David I feel your pain I know
exactly what you’re going through
except when they roasted me I was
relevant aside from his surprising music
career David Hasselhoff is most famous
for his association with KITT and tips
and somehow this was reason enough to
organize a group of c-level comedians
and Hulk Hogan in a room look at you you
look like Dawg the pastrami hunter well
actually it was Hoffs drunken meltdown
that led to the affair but even so it
allowed Gilbert Godfrey to remind
America that he was alive and well
and definitely not in jail for a sketchy
offense they should call him asshole
Hoff perhaps the biggest name of the
event was Seth MacFarlane who brought
justice to millions of 90s adolescent
men by revealing that Mitch Buchanan was
indeed a boner killer David had an
important role an important role on
Baywatch his job was to kill boners
number eight Chevy Chase tonight is
about Chevy has there ever been someone
more embarrassed to be at their own
roasts and OJ roast would have drawn
more star power
not only did none of Chevys old pals
from Saturday Night Live show up but he
seemed oblivious to the concept of a
roast it’s a thrill to be here honoring
Chevy is it Chevy or Chevy Chevy Chevy
Lisa Lampanelli took the stage and
proceeded to skewer poor Paul Shaffer
until his last strand of hair fell off I
can’t help but it’s that bald head is
that hot or what every time I see you on
TV it reminds me to clean my dildo in
the end it was all-star roaster greg
Giraldo who set the room on fire I can
only dream of making three good movies
and forty ones including Sally Jessy
Raphael hair your show lasted six weeks
Sally Jessy Raphael has lasted 16 years
that’s got to feel good late at night
huh
oh you know I chopped off for years for
symmetry shut up number seven William
Shatner I speak of course of the great
William Shatner how do you outperform a
living legend about regis acting well
just ask Betty White
you look great you know they make one
percent milk no because she knows a
thing or two about Captain Kirk’s a
little Rocket Man let’s face it we all
know Shatner’s nuts but George has
actually tasted them okay maybe this
roast was a bit on the elderly side
speaking of shatner Betty wait to shit
in her pants
however Comedy Central asked a young
homeless man named Jeffrey Ross to
reflect on his memories of Farrah
Fawcett Farrah the truth is my whole
life I had that poster of you and I as a
kid I would always masturbate to it
hoping that I wouldn’t go blind and now
that I see you in person
in the end Andy Dick creeped out
everyone as usual Oh God oh Jesus Christ
Wow well Carrie Fisher simultaneously
destroyed Patton Oswalt’s memories of
Princess Leia’s gold bikini you were so
so good in that gold bikini and then
what happened I mean we make you cut did
you have a vicodin eating contest with
Chewbacca number six Hugh Hefner man who
made Jay King off a national pastime
Jimmy Kimmel hosted this classic roast
or as the comedian’s called it who wants
to visit the Playboy Mansion look at
this table the man has seven girlfriends
and no erections in fact there was so
much ass kissing going on the Jimmy
Kimmel actually managed to get a
girlfriend out of the ordeal but only
after Sarah Silverman shattered his
confidence and flaunted her deep
cleavage for the elderly Hef when are
you gonna get serious you know one day
you might want one of them changing
diapers I mean if it gets too hard to do
it yourself
by the end of the night ice-t tried to
come up with a good reason for his
appearance and thoroughly confused every
white person in the room including mr.
Hefner who was still very much alive so
I started like to apologize for wearing
all this black I got the phone call last
night they said it was an event for
Hefner I thought it had to be a funeral
for sure
number five Bob Saget an incomparable
showbiz whore
I’m talking of course about Bob Saget we
know what you Millennials are thinking
who the eff is Bob Saget well aside from
playing Danny Tanner on Full House
he’s actually performed his raunchy
stand-up routine since the 70s and he’s
truly a Comics comic this is the longest
John Stamos has gone without putting his
cock in a desperate actress meaning that
any comic looks good after following Bob
Saget this 2008 roast was notable for
the anti comedy set by Norm Macdonald
now the bob has a beautiful face like a
flower yeah
cauliflower and also for the voracious
segment by greg Giraldo who
metaphorically and poignant Lea
described Saget as the genital wart on
the cock of American culture wait isn’t
that Andy Dick’s claim to fame I’m not
gonna lie to the back you have no
challenge get a harmonica put it on your
ass and try to come up with a tool
number for Justin Bieber good evening
ladies and gentleman my name is Kevin
Hart and welcome to The Comedy Central
Roast of Justin Bieber
speaking of culture vultures the
almighty King of douchebaggery was
roasted in 2015 it’s an honor to be at a
roast hosted by Shaq’s dick and rappers
like Snoop Dogg and Ludacris appeared to
remind Biebs of a harsh fact he’s white
it’s no secret that Justin wants to be
black can we all agree on that Justin
loves the black culture everybody knows
bang with all due respect to Justin
Bieber it takes a lot of guts to endure
such a fiasco and the one and only Ron
Burgundy showed up to express his
support and I’m just here to say one
thing you people don’t know what the
hell you’re talking about
however it was Jeffrey Ross who asked
the most
important questions about Bieber’s
career you have such a huge career
behind you and brilliantly labeled the
cocky kid as the king joffrey of pop
believe it but lately a lot of people
have been pointing their fingers at you
and those are just lesbians showing the
barber how they want their hair cut
number three James Franco
my name is Seth Rogen welcome to The
Comedy Central Roast of James Franco
long before James Franco became
America’s modern-day Renaissance man he
starred as the iconic James Dean
everybody thinks I’m great except you
and if you ask Seth Rogen it was a
perfect fit James became famous for
playing James Dean which makes sense
because they both sucked some dicks and
made three good movies this 2013 roast
featured an all-star cast of giggling
pot heads all of whom served as the
laugh track for Andy samberg’s vicious
takedowns Aziz’s parents are from India
and he’s from South Carolina his ease
what’s it like to have a unique
perspective on what it means to be
American you bagged a shit yes it’s
always funny to poke fun at James
Franco’s artistic achievements but it’s
even more hysterical when the president
of Hollywood does it I know it hasn’t
always been easy for you James you
overcame a crippling childhood
affliction known as dumb face well
everybody loves the stoner brand of
comedy that made Franco Rogen and Jonah
Hill famous when Jonah’s agent told him
to Quinton Tarantino wanted him to be in
a spaghetti western Dona was like you
had me at spaghetti a corn road Jeffrey
Ross reminded us that stand-up comedy is
where it’s at you know Franco personally
I don’t care if you guys or girls all I
know is you’ve made a 12 bucks when I
went to see that Wizard of Oz movie
number two Charlie Sheen’s we’re here
tonight to honor and hopefully arrest a
man who was great in two things 25 years
ago the late Charlie Sheen will forever
be known as the bad boy of Hollywood mmm
he’s still alive we all know there’s a
good chance Charlie will be dead soon so
I wrote an over an obituary well
everybody thought Charlie Sheen would be
dead by the time of his 2011 roast but
he managed to survive and was winning in
his own unique way Charlie if you’re
winning then something’s wrong with the
fucking scoreboard led by roastmaster
Seth MacFarlane’s a collection of
equally troubled individuals questioned
the idea of Charlie Sheen no he’s my
friend I’ve known him for about 18 years
and I can tell you he’s nothing like the
character he plays on TMZ along with the
idea that he might have a dead hooker or
two in the basement Seth MacFarlane the
only difference between you and the
hooker Charlie locked in the closet is
that the hooker eventually came out in
all seriousness though is Charlie Sheen
really still alive drugs couldn’t kill
me sex couldn’t kill me the press
couldn’t kill me two and a Half Men
couldn’t kill me before we unveil our
top pick here are a few honorable
mentions
no you lucky I can’t stand the sight of
blood
especially on blood he’s dried out as
she and once she seed was taller Flav
you look like one of my blunts except
smaller there’s no point in trashing
your face because your surgeon already
did that for us I was like there were
shoemakers the junkie lucky west was
there and told Johnny he weighed only
992 pounds so shocking when you number
one
Pamela Anderson we are here tonight of
course to honor Pamela Anderson who
showed us just how far a woman can go
when she believes in herself and gets a
pair of volleyball sized breast implants
she became an international sex symbol
for two simple reasons the success of
Baywatch and the sex tape to end all sex
tapes oh and also her large set of
breasts you’re a Canadian but those tits
were made in America so was it a big
surprise when this roast featured set
after set of constant sex jokes of
course not and it was extraordinarily
spectacular and boy do you know how to
give great head but then again with your
acting skills I guess you have to
especially when a hammered Courtney Love
appeared on stage along with the queen
of questionable sex comedy Lisa
Lampanelli she has dated Scott Baio the
singer from poison and the drummer from
Motley Crue her life story should be a
show on vh1 called I the 80s
this 2005 roast was hosted by Jimmy
Kimmel and while most resorted to
jaw-dropping sex jokes
it was greg Giraldo who shook things up
and claimed his place as the ultimate
celebrity roaster speaking uh speaking
of anal warts good to see Courtney Love
here do you agree with our list I say
let the past stay in the past with Jon
Lovitz
which is your favorite celebrity roast
you are a big ghoulish woman I’m talking
to you
carrot top for more mind-blowing top 10s
published every day be sure to subscribe
to watchmojo.com I do think one day
Jonah will win an Oscar Mayer hot dog
eater of the millennium award
they asked for it and they got it this
guy has an ego when Trump bangs a
supermodel he closes his eyes and
imagines he’s jerking off welcome to
watchmojo.com and today we’re counting
down our picks for the top 10 celebrity
roasts you could have come up with other
characters your fans have never seen
like Larry’s a dentist or Larry the
librarian or Larry the high school
diploma for this list we’re focusing
mainly on Comedy Central roasts right
before the show started Seth rolled two
gigantic fatty because that was the only
way we could get Jonah Hill onto the
stage however the table is open to all
of those special events where a
particular person otherwise known as a
guest of honor is the center or subject
of jokes made for the entertainment of a
public audience that have taken place
over the years what do you laugh at our
Flav
you look like Whoopi Goldberg and Gollum
from Lord of the Rings had an abortion
number 10 Larry the Cable Guy I am
talking of course about Larry the Cable
Guy you might be wondering why Comedy
Central decided to host a redneck roast
but perhaps the bigger question is why
Marcia Brady ended up on stage the
answer because he wanted someone he used
to masturbate to in high school and mr.
ed wasn’t available the Nebraskan
comedians name is actually Daniel
Whitney and his blue-collar stage
character was torched in 2009 by a full
cast of opening acts including his own
in the form of someone named Reno
Callear is Larry the Cable guy’s opening
act Reno Collier as always Lisa
Lampanelli proved that women can make a
career in comedy by screaming and
continuously referencing their ass while
the late greg Giraldo asked the most
important question of all hollow high
number nine David Hasselhoff and I am
here to salute the greatest cartoon
character of all time David Hasselhoff
wait don’t you have to be relevant in
America to get your own Comedy Central
Roast Oh David I feel your pain I know
exactly what you’re going through
except when they roasted me I was
relevant aside from his surprising music
career David Hasselhoff is most famous
for his association with KITT and tips
and somehow this was reason enough to
organize a group of c-level comedians
and Hulk Hogan in a room look at you you
look like Dawg the pastrami hunter well
actually it was Hoffs drunken meltdown
that led to the affair but even so it
allowed Gilbert Godfrey to remind
America that he was alive and well
and definitely not in jail for a sketchy
offense they should call him asshole
Hoff perhaps the biggest name of the
event was Seth MacFarlane who brought
justice to millions of 90s adolescent
men by revealing that Mitch Buchanan was
indeed a boner killer David had an
important role an important role on
Baywatch his job was to kill boners
number eight Chevy Chase tonight is
about Chevy has there ever been someone
more embarrassed to be at their own
roasts and OJ roast would have drawn
more star power
not only did none of Chevys old pals
from Saturday Night Live show up but he
seemed oblivious to the concept of a
roast it’s a thrill to be here honoring
Chevy is it Chevy or Chevy Chevy Chevy
Lisa Lampanelli took the stage and
proceeded to skewer poor Paul Shaffer
until his last strand of hair fell off I
can’t help but it’s that bald head is
that hot or what every time I see you on
TV it reminds me to clean my dildo in
the end it was all-star roaster greg
Giraldo who set the room on fire I can
only dream of making three good movies
and forty ones including Sally Jessy
Raphael hair your show lasted six weeks
Sally Jessy Raphael has lasted 16 years
that’s got to feel good late at night
huh
oh you know I chopped off for years for
symmetry shut up number seven William
Shatner I speak of course of the great
William Shatner how do you outperform a
living legend about regis acting well
just ask Betty White
you look great you know they make one
percent milk no because she knows a
thing or two about Captain Kirk’s a
little Rocket Man let’s face it we all
know Shatner’s nuts but George has
actually tasted them okay maybe this
roast was a bit on the elderly side
speaking of shatner Betty wait to shit
in her pants
however Comedy Central asked a young
homeless man named Jeffrey Ross to
reflect on his memories of Farrah
Fawcett Farrah the truth is my whole
life I had that poster of you and I as a
kid I would always masturbate to it
hoping that I wouldn’t go blind and now
that I see you in person
in the end Andy Dick creeped out
everyone as usual Oh God oh Jesus Christ
Wow well Carrie Fisher simultaneously
destroyed Patton Oswalt’s memories of
Princess Leia’s gold bikini you were so
so good in that gold bikini and then
what happened I mean we make you cut did
you have a vicodin eating contest with
Chewbacca number six Hugh Hefner man who
made Jay King off a national pastime
Jimmy Kimmel hosted this classic roast
or as the comedian’s called it who wants
to visit the Playboy Mansion look at
this table the man has seven girlfriends
and no erections in fact there was so
much ass kissing going on the Jimmy
Kimmel actually managed to get a
girlfriend out of the ordeal but only
after Sarah Silverman shattered his
confidence and flaunted her deep
cleavage for the elderly Hef when are
you gonna get serious you know one day
you might want one of them changing
diapers I mean if it gets too hard to do
it yourself
by the end of the night ice-t tried to
come up with a good reason for his
appearance and thoroughly confused every
white person in the room including mr.
Hefner who was still very much alive so
I started like to apologize for wearing
all this black I got the phone call last
night they said it was an event for
Hefner I thought it had to be a funeral
for sure
number five Bob Saget an incomparable
showbiz whore
I’m talking of course about Bob Saget we
know what you Millennials are thinking
who the eff is Bob Saget well aside from
playing Danny Tanner on Full House
he’s actually performed his raunchy
stand-up routine since the 70s and he’s
truly a Comics comic this is the longest
John Stamos has gone without putting his
cock in a desperate actress meaning that
any comic looks good after following Bob
Saget this 2008 roast was notable for
the anti comedy set by Norm Macdonald
now the bob has a beautiful face like a
flower yeah
cauliflower and also for the voracious
segment by greg Giraldo who
metaphorically and poignant Lea
described Saget as the genital wart on
the cock of American culture wait isn’t
that Andy Dick’s claim to fame I’m not
gonna lie to the back you have no
challenge get a harmonica put it on your
ass and try to come up with a tool
number for Justin Bieber good evening
ladies and gentleman my name is Kevin
Hart and welcome to The Comedy Central
Roast of Justin Bieber
speaking of culture vultures the
almighty King of douchebaggery was
roasted in 2015 it’s an honor to be at a
roast hosted by Shaq’s dick and rappers
like Snoop Dogg and Ludacris appeared to
remind Biebs of a harsh fact he’s white
it’s no secret that Justin wants to be
black can we all agree on that Justin
loves the black culture everybody knows
bang with all due respect to Justin
Bieber it takes a lot of guts to endure
such a fiasco and the one and only Ron
Burgundy showed up to express his
support and I’m just here to say one
thing you people don’t know what the
hell you’re talking about
however it was Jeffrey Ross who asked
the most
important questions about Bieber’s
career you have such a huge career
behind you and brilliantly labeled the
cocky kid as the king joffrey of pop
believe it but lately a lot of people
have been pointing their fingers at you
and those are just lesbians showing the
barber how they want their hair cut
number three James Franco
my name is Seth Rogen welcome to The
Comedy Central Roast of James Franco
long before James Franco became
America’s modern-day Renaissance man he
starred as the iconic James Dean
everybody thinks I’m great except you
and if you ask Seth Rogen it was a
perfect fit James became famous for
playing James Dean which makes sense
because they both sucked some dicks and
made three good movies this 2013 roast
featured an all-star cast of giggling
pot heads all of whom served as the
laugh track for Andy samberg’s vicious
takedowns Aziz’s parents are from India
and he’s from South Carolina his ease
what’s it like to have a unique
perspective on what it means to be
American you bagged a shit yes it’s
always funny to poke fun at James
Franco’s artistic achievements but it’s
even more hysterical when the president
of Hollywood does it I know it hasn’t
always been easy for you James you
overcame a crippling childhood
affliction known as dumb face well
everybody loves the stoner brand of
comedy that made Franco Rogen and Jonah
Hill famous when Jonah’s agent told him
to Quinton Tarantino wanted him to be in
a spaghetti western Dona was like you
had me at spaghetti a corn road Jeffrey
Ross reminded us that stand-up comedy is
where it’s at you know Franco personally
I don’t care if you guys or girls all I
know is you’ve made a 12 bucks when I
went to see that Wizard of Oz movie
number two Charlie Sheen’s we’re here
tonight to honor and hopefully arrest a
man who was great in two things 25 years
ago the late Charlie Sheen will forever
be known as the bad boy of Hollywood mmm
he’s still alive we all know there’s a
good chance Charlie will be dead soon so
I wrote an over an obituary well
everybody thought Charlie Sheen would be
dead by the time of his 2011 roast but
he managed to survive and was winning in
his own unique way Charlie if you’re
winning then something’s wrong with the
fucking scoreboard led by roastmaster
Seth MacFarlane’s a collection of
equally troubled individuals questioned
the idea of Charlie Sheen no he’s my
friend I’ve known him for about 18 years
and I can tell you he’s nothing like the
character he plays on TMZ along with the
idea that he might have a dead hooker or
two in the basement Seth MacFarlane the
only difference between you and the
hooker Charlie locked in the closet is
that the hooker eventually came out in
all seriousness though is Charlie Sheen
really still alive drugs couldn’t kill
me sex couldn’t kill me the press
couldn’t kill me two and a Half Men
couldn’t kill me before we unveil our
top pick here are a few honorable
mentions
no you lucky I can’t stand the sight of
blood
especially on blood he’s dried out as
she and once she seed was taller Flav
you look like one of my blunts except
smaller there’s no point in trashing
your face because your surgeon already
did that for us I was like there were
shoemakers the junkie lucky west was
there and told Johnny he weighed only
992 pounds so shocking when you number
one
Pamela Anderson we are here tonight of
course to honor Pamela Anderson who
showed us just how far a woman can go
when she believes in herself and gets a
pair of volleyball sized breast implants
she became an international sex symbol
for two simple reasons the success of
Baywatch and the sex tape to end all sex
tapes oh and also her large set of
breasts you’re a Canadian but those tits
were made in America so was it a big
surprise when this roast featured set
after set of constant sex jokes of
course not and it was extraordinarily
spectacular and boy do you know how to
give great head but then again with your
acting skills I guess you have to
especially when a hammered Courtney Love
appeared on stage along with the queen
of questionable sex comedy Lisa
Lampanelli she has dated Scott Baio the
singer from poison and the drummer from
Motley Crue her life story should be a
show on vh1 called I the 80s
this 2005 roast was hosted by Jimmy
Kimmel and while most resorted to
jaw-dropping sex jokes
it was greg Giraldo who shook things up
and claimed his place as the ultimate
celebrity roaster speaking uh speaking
of anal warts good to see Courtney Love
here do you agree with our list I say
let the past stay in the past with Jon
Lovitz
which is your favorite celebrity roast
you are a big ghoulish woman I’m talking
to you
carrot top for more mind-blowing top 10s
published every day be sure to subscribe
to watchmojo.com I do think one day
Jonah will win an Oscar Mayer hot dog
eater of the millennium award
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