I like this you know I was always here
in 1998 and I perform here I had a
pretty good set you know I thought it
was cool people laughed a lot you know
but then they didn’t bring me back for
three years now so tonight I’m gonna try
to suck maybe they’ll give me back next
year I don’t really like beer I like to
have a Jack and Coke but they won’t let
us have it back there what time I had a
jacket Coca had a lime in it and I saw
that the lime was floating that’s good
news man next time I’m on a boat and it
I’ll be waterskiing without a life
preserver on people will say what the
hell and I’ll pull out a line and then
lemon – I’m saved by the buoyancy of
citrus
I thought my teeth were white until I
wash my face with Noxzema they are
off-white I’m not even a white I’m
off-white it’s a new race we will
prevail you know when it comes to racism
people say I don’t care if they’re black
white purple or green I’ll hold on now
purple or green you got draw the line
somewhere
to hell with purple people unless
I’m staying at a hotel right now there’s
no 13th floor because of superstition
but come on man the people on the 14th
floor
you know what floor you really are if
you jump out of the 14th floor hoping to
13 is an unlucky number 13 is unlucky
then associate the letter B be because B
looks like a scrunch together 13 hello
what is your name Bob get the hell away
I saw a commercial for an above-ground
pool it was 30 seconds long you know why
because that’s a maximal amount of time
you think you can depict yourself having
fun and an above-ground pool if it was
31 seconds the people in the pool would
be going what the hell what am I
supposed to do now the waters only up to
here what was that dude throw the ball
back to Jimmy I’ll put some goggles on
and look at his feet I was gonna stay
over at my friend’s house he said you’re
gonna have to sleep on the floor damn
gravity got me again you know how bad I
[Applause]
I bought a house I bought a two-bedroom
house but it’s up to me how many
bedrooms are are though isn’t it this
bedroom has obviously in it this is
bedroom has a lot of people sitting
around watching TV this bedroom is aka a
hallway this bedroom is over a net guys
house sir you have one of my bedrooms
see out
I got a king-size bed I don’t know any
kings what if one came over I guess he’d
be comfortable oh you’re a king you say
well you won’t believe what I have in
store for you just do your exact
specifications when I was a boy I laid
in my twin sized bed and wonder where my
see I live in the US if you’re in the US
and you can trick someone into thinking
they’re in Canada you can get more money
for a magazine I was at a convenience
store reading a magazine the clerk said
this is not a library I said all right I
[Applause]
I was at a restaurant I ordered a
chicken sandwich but I don’t think the
waitress understood me because she said
how would you like your eggs so I tried
to answer her anyhow I said incubated
and then raised and then beheaded and
then plucked and then cut up and then
put onto a grill and they put onto a bun
damn it’s gonna take a while time
I had a cold so I put some Carmex on at
Carmack’s is supposed to heal cold sores
I don’t know if it does but it will make
them shiny and more noticeable thank you
so much thank you thank chairman oh and
be sure to subscribe and ring the bell to be notified about our latest videos
in 1998 and I perform here I had a
pretty good set you know I thought it
was cool people laughed a lot you know
but then they didn’t bring me back for
three years now so tonight I’m gonna try
to suck maybe they’ll give me back next
year I don’t really like beer I like to
have a Jack and Coke but they won’t let
us have it back there what time I had a
jacket Coca had a lime in it and I saw
that the lime was floating that’s good
news man next time I’m on a boat and it
I’ll be waterskiing without a life
preserver on people will say what the
hell and I’ll pull out a line and then
lemon – I’m saved by the buoyancy of
citrus
I thought my teeth were white until I
wash my face with Noxzema they are
off-white I’m not even a white I’m
off-white it’s a new race we will
prevail you know when it comes to racism
people say I don’t care if they’re black
white purple or green I’ll hold on now
purple or green you got draw the line
somewhere
to hell with purple people unless
I’m staying at a hotel right now there’s
no 13th floor because of superstition
but come on man the people on the 14th
floor
you know what floor you really are if
you jump out of the 14th floor hoping to
13 is an unlucky number 13 is unlucky
then associate the letter B be because B
looks like a scrunch together 13 hello
what is your name Bob get the hell away
I saw a commercial for an above-ground
pool it was 30 seconds long you know why
because that’s a maximal amount of time
you think you can depict yourself having
fun and an above-ground pool if it was
31 seconds the people in the pool would
be going what the hell what am I
supposed to do now the waters only up to
here what was that dude throw the ball
back to Jimmy I’ll put some goggles on
and look at his feet I was gonna stay
over at my friend’s house he said you’re
gonna have to sleep on the floor damn
gravity got me again you know how bad I
[Applause]
I bought a house I bought a two-bedroom
house but it’s up to me how many
bedrooms are are though isn’t it this
bedroom has obviously in it this is
bedroom has a lot of people sitting
around watching TV this bedroom is aka a
hallway this bedroom is over a net guys
house sir you have one of my bedrooms
see out
I got a king-size bed I don’t know any
kings what if one came over I guess he’d
be comfortable oh you’re a king you say
well you won’t believe what I have in
store for you just do your exact
specifications when I was a boy I laid
in my twin sized bed and wonder where my
see I live in the US if you’re in the US
and you can trick someone into thinking
they’re in Canada you can get more money
for a magazine I was at a convenience
store reading a magazine the clerk said
this is not a library I said all right I
[Applause]
I was at a restaurant I ordered a
chicken sandwich but I don’t think the
waitress understood me because she said
how would you like your eggs so I tried
to answer her anyhow I said incubated
and then raised and then beheaded and
then plucked and then cut up and then
put onto a grill and they put onto a bun
damn it’s gonna take a while time
I had a cold so I put some Carmex on at
Carmack’s is supposed to heal cold sores
I don’t know if it does but it will make
them shiny and more noticeable thank you
so much thank you thank chairman oh and
be sure to subscribe and ring the bell to be notified about our latest videos
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