oh hey everybody John Hastings here for
watchmojo.com and usually I just spout
off weird Kersey words of the corners of
my mouth talking about some odd subject
but today we’re talking about all me
little personal store and a print if you
will ladies gentlemen is here
experienced many things professional
success for the first time I got to see
a cock fight while in Havana Cuba while
on acid don’t know if any of that’s true
but I also experienced jealousy for the
first time and it’s an amazing emotion
jealousy it’s like finding a
twenty-dollar bill underneath the dog
turd gooey and disgusting at first but
eventually rewarding because you have
something that rewards yourself here’s
what happened I had I had a what they
called lusty crush on a girl I wanted to
see her Tatas I wanted to hold her nude
and and so I invited into a bar this
little trick that guys do is they’ll
invite a girl to a bar and then invite
everyone they’ve ever met in their life
to that same bar so they can just stand
on a sort of going great guy he was a
great guy yeah it’s a great guy he’s a
great guy so i started the plant phase
one invite her to the bar get to the bar
a little late fashionably you know pull
up leather jacket cravat big deal got my
line holstered hey is there a mirror in
your pocket because I can see myself in
your pants and then when giggle and kiss
and it would be lovely and I walk in and
there was the love of my next two to
three minutes standing with her new
boyfriend and in that moment I was
filled with rage I wanted to do
something I have to respond so i stopped
in my tracks face beat red with rage
it’s not gonna be what you want I gotta
do so I gotta get this guy gotta do so I
gotta shoot yeah shoot him with a gun
and I reach down to get my gun and
realized up I don’t own a gun not only
that I don’t know where you purchase
said gun do you go to a Canadian Tire
and is it like ordering something from
like a starbucks for tinhorns like oh
yeah give me the Dirty Harry you don’t
have that okay give me the John McClane
oh you don’t have that all right give me
the Rambo I don’t have a helicopter but
I’ll find one and and then I took him to
step forward i conned a little bit
message you know I can’t I can’t shoot
him in the face I can’t kill but I got
to do something something has to be done
he has drawn a lot in the same
and I will cross that line with
aggression I realized i clenched my fist
nuts in it that’s it I’m gonna punch him
in his face and we punch him in his
stupid stupid face and I took another
step forward and clenched in his youth
then I realized hey I’m a modern man
which means inherently I’m a pussy so
I’m probably just going to start
punching on the face and opened my palm
and just rub his cheek oh so smooth
that’s ridiculous ridiculous no wonder
she’s with you I might say and take
another step forward and then I calm
down a little bit more and I realized I
got to do something now because I’ve
been stepping one step at a time towards
a couple who’s staring at me only to
pause for about 10 s go do a shoot him
do I just punch him in the face I don’t
know they do I realized I know what I’ll
do I’m passive-aggressive douche here’s
the plan I will give him an awkward
handshake that’s what I do I walk up hey
man I’m John how are you
oh so smooth and then I grabbed her
boobies and ran away because you know
what you don’t quit John hey steel with
watchmojo calm so for watchmojo for the
Internet I’m internationally famous
comedian John Hastings escalator doesn’t
work oh wait
watchmojo.com and usually I just spout
off weird Kersey words of the corners of
my mouth talking about some odd subject
but today we’re talking about all me
little personal store and a print if you
will ladies gentlemen is here
experienced many things professional
success for the first time I got to see
a cock fight while in Havana Cuba while
on acid don’t know if any of that’s true
but I also experienced jealousy for the
first time and it’s an amazing emotion
jealousy it’s like finding a
twenty-dollar bill underneath the dog
turd gooey and disgusting at first but
eventually rewarding because you have
something that rewards yourself here’s
what happened I had I had a what they
called lusty crush on a girl I wanted to
see her Tatas I wanted to hold her nude
and and so I invited into a bar this
little trick that guys do is they’ll
invite a girl to a bar and then invite
everyone they’ve ever met in their life
to that same bar so they can just stand
on a sort of going great guy he was a
great guy yeah it’s a great guy he’s a
great guy so i started the plant phase
one invite her to the bar get to the bar
a little late fashionably you know pull
up leather jacket cravat big deal got my
line holstered hey is there a mirror in
your pocket because I can see myself in
your pants and then when giggle and kiss
and it would be lovely and I walk in and
there was the love of my next two to
three minutes standing with her new
boyfriend and in that moment I was
filled with rage I wanted to do
something I have to respond so i stopped
in my tracks face beat red with rage
it’s not gonna be what you want I gotta
do so I gotta get this guy gotta do so I
gotta shoot yeah shoot him with a gun
and I reach down to get my gun and
realized up I don’t own a gun not only
that I don’t know where you purchase
said gun do you go to a Canadian Tire
and is it like ordering something from
like a starbucks for tinhorns like oh
yeah give me the Dirty Harry you don’t
have that okay give me the John McClane
oh you don’t have that all right give me
the Rambo I don’t have a helicopter but
I’ll find one and and then I took him to
step forward i conned a little bit
message you know I can’t I can’t shoot
him in the face I can’t kill but I got
to do something something has to be done
he has drawn a lot in the same
and I will cross that line with
aggression I realized i clenched my fist
nuts in it that’s it I’m gonna punch him
in his face and we punch him in his
stupid stupid face and I took another
step forward and clenched in his youth
then I realized hey I’m a modern man
which means inherently I’m a pussy so
I’m probably just going to start
punching on the face and opened my palm
and just rub his cheek oh so smooth
that’s ridiculous ridiculous no wonder
she’s with you I might say and take
another step forward and then I calm
down a little bit more and I realized I
got to do something now because I’ve
been stepping one step at a time towards
a couple who’s staring at me only to
pause for about 10 s go do a shoot him
do I just punch him in the face I don’t
know they do I realized I know what I’ll
do I’m passive-aggressive douche here’s
the plan I will give him an awkward
handshake that’s what I do I walk up hey
man I’m John how are you
oh so smooth and then I grabbed her
boobies and ran away because you know
what you don’t quit John hey steel with
watchmojo calm so for watchmojo for the
Internet I’m internationally famous
comedian John Hastings escalator doesn’t
work oh wait
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