hi welcome to watchmojo.com I’m famous
comedian John Hastings do you ever get
awkward I get awkward I’ve been awkward
most of my life awkwardness has given me
a career as a famous comedian but let me
offer you one piece of advice never try
and explain your awkwardness to someone
it never works for example last week I
was with my friend Paul we were driving
to get something to eat and as we pass
the street I said hey I think I went to
high school with that girl and I’m now a
famous comedian I bet I can get her to
ride my hog turn the corner so we turned
the corner and I stare at her like this
and I realized that’s not the girl so I
say make the next right it’s Taco Time
baby and as I said taco time baby my
friend Paul turned to me and said man I
bet you that girl thinks we’re rapists
now I should explain at this point Paul
is a metalhead he has hair down to here
he is dressed in all leather that’s
including pants jacket t-shirt and he
has a nappy beer that he thinks makes
him look like a Viking I am wearing a
wife-beater camo shorts that are cut off
at the knee and Crocs our creepo meter
is high and of course we are driving in
a white panel van so we turn back around
we screech in front of her I roll down
the window it’s old school I have to go
like this and as soon as I do I say
ma’am I know what you’re thinking and
we’re not rapists and as soon as I say
that I remember the only people who
would say we’re not rapists are rapists
so I say ma’am I know what you’re
thinking you’re thinking that the only
people would say they’re not rapists are
rapists well I don’t want to rape you I
don’t want to rape anyone I I’m not a
rapist so that’s what you’re thinking I
know it probably is now even if it
wasn’t before not gonna rape you have a
good day once again not a rapist and at
this point just before my head explodes
I realized she’s looking at
me like I just pooed on her dead
grandmother and I turned to my friend
Paul and say let’s get out of here it’s
a standard van the van stalls I spend
the next two minutes staring awkwardly
at this girl through the window mouthing
the words not a rapist not a rapist for
the Internet I’m John Hastings
comedian John Hastings do you ever get
awkward I get awkward I’ve been awkward
most of my life awkwardness has given me
a career as a famous comedian but let me
offer you one piece of advice never try
and explain your awkwardness to someone
it never works for example last week I
was with my friend Paul we were driving
to get something to eat and as we pass
the street I said hey I think I went to
high school with that girl and I’m now a
famous comedian I bet I can get her to
ride my hog turn the corner so we turned
the corner and I stare at her like this
and I realized that’s not the girl so I
say make the next right it’s Taco Time
baby and as I said taco time baby my
friend Paul turned to me and said man I
bet you that girl thinks we’re rapists
now I should explain at this point Paul
is a metalhead he has hair down to here
he is dressed in all leather that’s
including pants jacket t-shirt and he
has a nappy beer that he thinks makes
him look like a Viking I am wearing a
wife-beater camo shorts that are cut off
at the knee and Crocs our creepo meter
is high and of course we are driving in
a white panel van so we turn back around
we screech in front of her I roll down
the window it’s old school I have to go
like this and as soon as I do I say
ma’am I know what you’re thinking and
we’re not rapists and as soon as I say
that I remember the only people who
would say we’re not rapists are rapists
so I say ma’am I know what you’re
thinking you’re thinking that the only
people would say they’re not rapists are
rapists well I don’t want to rape you I
don’t want to rape anyone I I’m not a
rapist so that’s what you’re thinking I
know it probably is now even if it
wasn’t before not gonna rape you have a
good day once again not a rapist and at
this point just before my head explodes
I realized she’s looking at
me like I just pooed on her dead
grandmother and I turned to my friend
Paul and say let’s get out of here it’s
a standard van the van stalls I spend
the next two minutes staring awkwardly
at this girl through the window mouthing
the words not a rapist not a rapist for
the Internet I’m John Hastings
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