[Applause]
it was 2015 I’d been coaching basketball
for 25 years and it was hard to believe
this was actually happening maybe the
stars were aligned who knows but here I
stood with my varsity basketball team
listening to the national anthem before
the Central Coast section championship
game it was being held this massive
college arena the Santa Clara University
Leedy Center in front of an equally
massive crowd we’re related never once
seen our division a powerhouse team
would beat us by 28 points earlier our
school never baited with CCS basketball
championship but over the three previous
years we systematically moved ourselves
up the ranks to winning back-to-back
league titles all the way to finally
making the ccs championship it was
amazing to feel the excitement in the
air we had the largest student section
the school has ever seen and it felt as
if the entire city was in the stands to
support us as I paused before tipoff to
take it all in I just had to ask myself
how the heck do we make this miracle
happen our players were so fired up to
the game we felt ready confident we had
a great game plan the game started and
immediately our opponent began to
destroy us we played terrible and we
were down huge at halftime in the locker
room all I could do was encourage them
and try to instill confidence I had no
idea what was going to happen but
certainly the odds were stacked against
us somehow an unbelievable fashion our
team made one of the most dramatic
second-half comebacks that I’ve ever
seen in highschool basketball in the
final moments of the game it all came
down to a nervous freshman at the
free-throw line we
two shots to win it all here’s this
gangly tall skinny kid with arms down to
his knees we’re talking a true freshman
even had that crooked bowl cut it looked
like his mom still trimmed it I wasn’t
even sure if he had ever made a free
throw in a game before not exactly the
guy you would choose to be in this
pressure situation as I looked around
the stadium I saw different faces a
group huddled in prayer jumped out at me
and I thought prayer that’s a good idea
feels like we need a miracle right now
when he lines up to shoot I don’t know
how to describe it other than like
awkward you know he this is what a
free-throw shooter is supposed to look
like a certain thing right and so we
diagram it teach him how to do it and
somehow this is what the freshman saw
his arms his arms were all over the
place it looked like he was going to
fall over as he took his dribbles and
I’m thinking what is this guy doing like
he brings the ball behind his head he
fires it and you’d swear it away like
thirty feet in the air the entire crowd
had kind of watched it go up and boom it
goes in swish
he miraculously makes the first one then
the second and we take the lead the
other team heaves up a last-second shot
and misses it the buzzer sounds the game
is over his mom is sobbing in the stands
crowd goes nuts team rushes the floor
and for the first time in school history
and in my career we win the coveted CCS
basketball championship and our
basketball dreams are realized
then comes the awards all the newspaper
articles a documentary film I get Coach
of the Year lots of interviews speaking
engagements it was just a ton of fun to
get all that attention to be called a
champion it was great but something just
wasn’t sitting well with me it was this
new label I was wearing the label of
winner here’s who I think of when I hear
the word champion I think of Steph Curry
and Joe Montana and Michael Jordan
now I haven’t a cop
what they have but here I am given the
same labels
I just couldn’t fully accept it and some
sort of internal battle began in me
after some thought I realized that I
didn’t feel like a winner because I had
actually spent most of my life feeling
like a total screwup my confusion on
this personal journey to unpack the
concept of labels began that reflection
time caused me to make two important
realizations first that students parents
faculty men women youth across all
domains deal with labels that have been
given to them and they typically
struggle with the negative labels that
they had no choice in getting secondly
every label writes a script scripts are
the words we believe about ourselves and
the world and they could have a dramatic
effect on our journey through life the
next phase of my journey became
contemplating why did I feel like such a
screw-up I was relatively accomplished
well educated career I have a family in
a home where did that label even come
from it was January 26th of 1983 my
eighth-grade year and I’m about to enter
high school very early one morning still
dark out suddenly my mom wakes me up
frantically get up get up get downstairs
with sleepy eyes I noticed there were
colored lights flashing through my
window and sirens coming up my street I
got myself together and ran downstairs
to see the paramedics plus the gurney
through the door
lights flashing walkie-talkies blaring
and raced into my parents room as I
peeked down around the corner I see my
big strong dad slumped over in his bed
he was having a heart attack
my dad died that morning and I never saw
him again from that moment on I owned a
new label that I did not ask for or want
I was now known as the kid with no dad I
struggled a lot with it in fact I didn’t
even know another kid that didn’t have a
dad and I felt very different confused
and alone by no choice of my own the
label of dad was now attached a label of
no dad was now attached to me over the
next couple of years that label
mushroomed out to produce other negative
labels like screw up doesn’t care
broke and messed up and angry I didn’t
realize it until recently but I’ve been
living with those labels all my life
like a hashtag I can’t get rid of and
they have been writing scripts for me
that were not good recognizing it now as
an adult it was making more sense as to
why the label of winter was not easy to
absorb as I press deeper into this
journey trying to understand the power
that this no dad label had over me and
how something that happened 35 years ago
still had such an impact in my life
there’s a story of one of the greatest
quarterbacks in NFL history his name is
Roger Staubach he played in the 1970s
and is now in the NFL Hall of Fame one
day Roger visited a prison to inspire
the inmates and ended up speaking with
one prisoner for over an hour about his
life and the journey that landed him in
jail roger was deep in thought on the
way home and his friend asked him what
was on his mind
Roger explained how the prisoner had
shared that his dad always told him he
was a loser and nobody that would never
go anywhere that he wouldn’t amount to
anything in life
and here he wasn’t prison Rodgers friend
asked well what struck you about that
Roger replied well my dad always told me
I was gonna be the greatest quarterback
that ever lived you see it’s the labels
that we are given that we speak or
believe that write the scripts for our
life just like the prisoner whose father
said he wouldn’t amount to much
he never amounted to much just like the
quarterback who said he’d be the
greatest ever whose father said he’d be
the greatest ever he was the greatest
just like no dad meant he screwed up I
was screwed up it’s no different than
how some of you in here feel like maybe
you don’t fit in or you’re not smart
enough or you’re a loser you’re gonna
keep feeling that way unless you flip
the script going on in your head people
live up to the labels they are given or
accept everyone every single person in
this room has labels and lives in the
scripts that they write it’s human
nature I discovered through my journey
that if we don’t define the scripts that
flowed through our thoughts and our
mouths those letters will create their
own scripts based on whatever the world
thinks growing up with the label of no
dad it was defined by the world as
screwed up that script that the world
wrote derailed my life in many many ways
for many years it wasn’t until I took
hold of the power the power that we all
have and flip the script that everything
changed in my life for the better I
decided to reinvent what no dad met and
changed the script from screwed-up kid
who doesn’t have a chance in life to a
script that says I am uniquely
compassionate and fully engaged in
living a life that matters that
Chinese shipped in my script changed the
course of my life completely when every
breath you take is shaped by a script
that is aimed at positive outcomes it
alters the course of your existence in a
positive way as I pressed further and
further into this journey I also
realized a pattern as I grew from
screw-up to winner in several areas of
my life well beyond basketball a pattern
that I now call what’s your what wh 80
wears habits attitude and training words
words give value and meaning that are
both real and perceived I have the power
to choose the words that shape my
reality habits a habit is an action that
is solidified through repetition
intentionally forming gold standard
habits is critical for success attitude
it’s the growth mindset that embraces
the positive pathway forward rather than
assuming the worst in myself and others
and training training is not trying this
is a well-thought-out consistent action
the what has four elements to it first
the what is a formula of speaking
yourself and your labels into a life of
your choosing
second the what is a strategy to point
you forward in each of life’s moments
evolving you daily into the person you
determine yourself to be third the what
is a method to empower yourself against
the bullies and the negative messages
that life is certainly going to deal you
and finally the what is a tool to
recognize your worth that no matter how
bad you think your labels are
you have a life that’s worth living you
have a journey ahead that is worth
taking and you have a destiny that is
worth pursuing flipping the scripts
rewards you with the life you were
designed to live it’s working for me
every day it’s working with the
thousands of folks I get the privilege
to speak to and it will work for you
if you choose to use it seize your power
to be great
what’s your what I’m Bob McFarland thank
you
[Applause] [Music]