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Why You Need to Disconnect to Reconnect | Sabah Ali | TEDxHarveyStreet


[Music]
what if your pain could become your
purpose when you’re younger what did you
dream about who here I had big dreams
think about one dream that you had and
keep it in your hat now think about your
why your purpose in the world and keep
it in your hat lastly I think about one
connection that you have in your life
and keep it in your head when I was
younger I had a many dreams dreams to be
a fashion designer and have my own
clothing line gives me famous and
influenced thousands of people dreams to
create and unforgettable I guess see ya
they say life is about connections who
you know and how you grow from that Emma
but today yeah we’re going to connect to
a journey to find the ultimate purpose
fulfillment and the desire to feel
better they’re connecting disconnecting
and reconnecting yeah on April 3rd of
2017 I was sitting in a cold library at
Iowa State University I open up my
browser to check the status on my first
book that I just published on Amazon I
scroll down to the end of the page to
check out the rankings and I couldn’t
believe my eyes my book is number three
in the third category number two in the
second category and there it was number
one in the first category I couldn’t
believe it my book was a best-seller on
Zana I did what everyone else would do
at a time like this I took a screenshot
and I posted it on Facebook about a week
later when I checked my mailbox there’s
a package from Amazon I ripped up a
package and pulled out the very first
hard copy of my book the shiny surface
ideal size in my name printed in bold on
the front cover it was surreal I
literally felt like I just want a new
car the total cost at the time and
because I author was out of the ordinary
something that you don’t hear every day
to me it was an unexpected dream
accomplished and a boat full of doubt
diminished because I learned to break
the rules and challenge myself I had to
connect and by connecting I gained
confidence and I gained courage I
connected with the world through my book
I thought to myself I feel better that
day it was life-changing for me but it
five years earlier on August 13th 2012
is the night before my 16th birthday I
was 15 years older sitting in a cold
hospital room watching the nurses go by
this smell of rubbing alcohol and the
sound of the IV machine beep beep beep I
was sitting next to the bed holding uh
my mom’s hand who was dying from kidney
failure you can only imagine
said that we’re running it through my
head feeling of uncertainty yeah if your
feeling of loss feeling of disconnected
I asked her how she felt and I’ll never
forget her last words and I feel better
that night my mom passed away I didn’t
feel better I felt worse I felt horrible
fat like I’ve been hit by a truck
oh the agonizing and painful usually on
her 16th birthday you celebrate the
transition to adulthood being
overwhelmed by gifts and planning your
birthday party and entering a new
chapter in life but on my 16th birthday
I was going through a different
transition I was overwhelmed by
condolences I was planning my mom’s feet
I was entering a life of despair I was
on high school at the time caught in a
never-ending a toxic relationship for
four years I was mentally physically and
emotionally mistreated and I I
disconnected from my frenzy it took a
huge Tommy they started missing a full
day of classes to fight about what was
right and what was wrong the only thing
that would fill my ears was my partner
telling me I wasn’t enough that me to
see life with minimal expectations
I developed a low self-esteem and a loss
of sense in myself and my mom as a role
model was no longer there and my partner
who I believed lovely was disloyal and
turned his back on me I kept asking
myself how do I regain myself again how
do I come back from this setback how do
I reconnect with myself and my dreams
again my hope was low broken
disconnected at that moment all I could
think about was the last words my mom
said to me I feel better I got the
courage after four painful years to get
out my toxic relationship but that was
me a week with a lack of confidence and
however I realized something through
this four year period today connected to
the trauma wasn’t going to help me yeah
in order to take control of my life
again
I had to disconnect it to go through
what I was going through to feel better
three years later on September 23rd 2015
I was sitting in a cold a college
classroom waiting here for a speaker to
walk Anna I felt sick that day my nose
is runny I have to tear who I had Ike in
the last thing I want to do was to sit
and get my ear talked out for an hour no
I mean you know how every dollar is that
I was at that speech it was for extra
credit in one of my classes and at the
time I was overachiever in academics and
I see this speaker walk-in and he has a
gigantic smile on his face he sets up
his camera to record it
and I waited in despair for the talk to
be finished but something happened
the minute the speakers start to talk my
mind got intrigued if I his word said
the speaker was burnin ta da Mousa and
he told us his journey through college
and now building up a business and it
wasn’t necessarily the words that start
to move me but more so the passion he
displayed something that I had
experienced before I wanted to learn
more so a shortly after his talk I went
up to him and I asked him for his
business
did I have a conversation with him and I
left later that evening I kept thinking
about that speech so I said Brandon an
email saying I want to intern and learn
from him he emailed back and he accept
data throughout the next year of my
college introduced to entirely new world
of people through brand Anna people were
ambitious people who are German but most
of all people who broke the rules and
looked at things differently yeah I felt
like I was on a wild ride in a
convertible with the top down uh and
then I realized something as I heard my
mom’s voice echoing in my head I feel
better what I learned from Brandon was
all of these people had something in
common their belief system whatever they
set their mind to is what their outcome
was it’s the positive or negative in
order to connect with the world around
them they had to reconnect with
themselves first that if you believe it
you can achieve it
as a result next two years I reconnected
with myself the goals and dreams are
once in my head when I was younger start
to become a reality
I wrote a best-selling book I soaked in
live to hundreds of people shared my
story with thousands on live TV built my
freedom by owning a business I launched
a t-shirt liner but the amazing thing
wasn’t the accomplishments that I
achieved it wasn’t that it was myself
that reconnected from my disconnect I
became aware that sometimes you need to
disconnect with what doesn’t matter to
reconnect with what does one night when
I was a senior in college I was looking
at my book and thinking back to
everything I
question holding the book in my hand I
glanced over to look at the ring I was
wearing which was my mom’s at that
moment I realized I feel better now this
process Tommy it was no longer about my
toxic relationship or the loss of my mom
it wasn’t going to foresee my future is
the loss of connection
they never reconnected with myself when
someone has a painful experience they
tend to pull away to disconnect but stop
there and they disconnect forever
they feel to come back and reconnect
with themselves because the only thing
they’re feeling is what they’re familiar
with feeling of uncertainty yeah feeling
of fear feeling of loss the feelings and
belief system inside of them is only
based off of their knowledge but in
result they approach the ultimate pain
because they live life without
fulfillment which is why we are so
afraid to dream again I feel happy again
feel fulfilled again we desire to feel
connected with others but can’t because
we’re still broken with ourselves I used
to think that the most important thing
in life is connecting with my mom a
partner or a best friend that I thought
was connecting with my mentor Brandon
Anna or connecting with the world
through my book but the one thing I
found the one connection that’s most
important is the connection with
yourself it’s in reconnecting after
disconnecting that we can really connect
with the world so how do you reconnect
with yourself it starts with your why
your goals and dreams that you once had
turn your fears into fuel your hurts
into healing turn your failures into
teachers your losses
in two lessons turn your setbacks two
setups your let downs to come back it’s
about turning your disconnects in to
reconnect because it lies in your
perspective of a life as we know it only
works two ways you control it or it
controls you so what about you think
back to the dream I told you to keep in
your head at the beginning of this talk
where are you sitting in life have you
connected with your dreams
disconnected reconnected now I think
back tear why are you living life
through your wire to find ultimate
lastly thing back to that one connection
you’ve kept in your mind
who was that that one connection was it
you was it with yourself the change that
we want to see isn’t going to come from
others it starts with you because I
believe we all are born with a gift to
aspire to become something greater than
what we are currently doing your gift is
already inside of you but some of you
have given up on your why your dreams to
achieve more so here’s what I’ve learned
if you keep looking back at the badder
you can’t look forward to the garden and
if you keep holding on to the pain you
can’t reach for your purpose if you
don’t disconnect from your disconnects
you can’t really reconnect with yourself
my challenge for you is this disconnect
from your fears and reconnect to your
dreams
disconnect from your uncertainty and
reconnect to your legacy disconnect from
your pain and reconnect to your purpose
and when you do as a result you – well
feel better thank you [Applause]
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