shortly before I graduated from the
University of Georgia with my master’s
degree my neurologist told me it was
unlikely I would ever be able to manage
a full-time job you see I am one of the
37 million Americans with migraine
disease migraine is a chronic illness
that affects 18 percent of women in 7%
of men in the United States a common
refrain among those of us with the
illness is migraine is not just a
headache migraine is a neurological
disease characterized by attacks that
can affect your entire body from your
gut to your brain to your tingling feet
many of us experience hypersensitivity
to light sound and smell dramatic
changes in mood and vision are common
when I was in graduate school my
diagnosis had changed from episodic
migraine to chronic migraine meaning I
had 15 or more days each month affected
by migraine disease my hypersensitivity
to light meant that I would often Don a
hat and sunglasses to avoid the
classroom fluorescence my grad school
advisor would peek into Maya
assistantship office really a glorified
closet and joke that I was in my Batcave
you see I worked in this tiny room with
all the lights off the computer screen
set as dimly as it would go while still
being legible well I had become more
accepting of my illness I wasn’t
comfortable talking about it with loved
ones yeah they knew that I had frequent
migraines but they didn’t know how
debilitating the condition had become I
worried about my parents worrying I
didn’t want my sister to experience any
anxiety because of my illness my friends
were and are incredibly thoughtful but I
got tired of talking about migraine
would they get tired of
about it would they still invite me to
things if they thought that I’d always
have to bail at the last minute did they
believe me so I did what any
self-respecting 20-something would do in
those heady days of the early 2000s I
started a blog
I had no designs on becoming an
internationally known migraine health
advocate I had created the blog as an
outlet for me to talk about my struggles
with migraine
I didn’t advertise it and I didn’t
actively seek a readership I would
simply post a few times a month whenever
something migraine related started
nagging at me and I wanted to vent or
cry or simply shake my fist in there and
think about how unfair it all was I told
a couple of friends about my blog but I
something unexpected happened
I started getting comments readers were
out there and they began sharing their
experiences with me experiences like
these I thought I was the only one my
husband rolls his eyes when I tell him
that I can’t get out of bed without
vomiting he doesn’t believe me
I’m afraid my friends will stop inviting
me to things too I missed my sister’s
wedding because I was stuck in the hotel
room with a migraine wait a minute there
were other people out there with stories
like mine this was news to me there were
other people out there whose lives have
been affected by migraine and they felt
validated by the stories I shared
without intending to I had created what
was back in 2005 a rare online haven for
people with migraine a place where
people could anonymously or not truly
express themselves about how much
migraine had screwed up their lives for
years I didn’t reveal any identifying
information about myself again I told a
couple friends about the blog but I had
no interest in putting my name out there
however something happened in 2008
that made me step out of the migraine
closet so to speak
the New York Times created a list of
recommended reading for people with
migraine the migraine girl was on that
New York Times list I finally told my
after years of writing on the blog I
felt fulfilled in that aspect of my life
but it wasn’t a paying job I hadn’t
found a job yet that I really found
fulfilling on top of everything else I
wasn’t sure I could even have a
full-time job my neurologist voice
echoed in my head it is unlikely you
will ever manage a full-time job he had
uttered those words with a disturbing
air of nonchalance but what I had heard
was a devastating dead-end how can
someone who has migraine so many days a
week actually find a career that’s
meaningful to my surprise the answer had
been there all along books I wanted to
work with books every day I come from a
family of readers and like many
bibliophiles I had thought often about
how dreamy it would be to work in a
bookstore better yet what would it be
like to own one I wasn’t sure I would
ever find out the answer to that
question I wasn’t even sure I could
stand on my own how can someone with
chronic illness that makes her sick half
of the month even managed an independent
bookstore how can an independent
business a Lean Startup hit the ground
running when its founder is stuck at
home in bed with extreme head pain and
nausea
all because a migraine was triggered by
some guy on an elevator wearing entirely
too much cologne at that point the world
felt like a minefield to me I controlled
what migraine triggers I could but I
nearly panicked when I encountered a
trigger that I couldn’t ignore that I
couldn’t avoid for instance a
thunderstorm something magical happened
though no no one has ever discovered a
cure for migraine however I discovered
that this
by all my medical challenges I still
wanted this despite all the hurdles that
were set in my way I still wanted to
open this bookstore and I was ready to
take on the challenge for the first time
I had discovered a career path that
inspired me a job that even in its
infancy gave me an opportunity to give
back to my community while also
providing me with meaningful work during
the long process of opening my bookstore
avid bookshop I openly shared with
people about my struggles this got
people invested in the story of the
bookshop in a really genuine way I kept
people updated about my progress or lack
thereof instead of hiding my setbacks I
shared them with people on social media
and in personal conversations I attended
bookseller conferences much to the
confusion of some people who didn’t
understand why someone who didn’t even
work in a bookstore let alone have any
retail experience would be there I
stopped being shy about what I didn’t
know and I started asking for advice I
told the core group of enthusiastic
readers who were following my journey
that I was still determined to open avid
book shop but that my health in a
terrible 2008 economy had gotten in my
way I was still set on opening this
store at some point I really bucked up
the more I shared the more bold I became
I stopped dragging my feet about setting
up meetings with lenders to talk about
some atypical funding ideas I enrolled
in business classes I finally tackled
the most overwhelming task of all which
is finishing the business plan and the
corresponding financial projections
somewhere along the way I realized that
hundreds of people were really genuinely
invested in avid success I was so amazed
by the
and it made me want to keep going at
first I thought this would be
insurmountable but then I decided to do
something that was profoundly
uncomfortable for me after a lifetime of
insisting that I could do it myself that
I didn’t need any help thank you very
much I started to ask people the
question can you help and help they did
people filled out surveys they donated
books for my pop-up sales and they
bought photographs at an art show that I
staged in order to raise funds for a
website in summer 2011 when I finally
had a retail space on Prince Avenue and
some bank funding avid readers showed up
in droves to paint dust put together
shelving to say that avid bookshop
really is this community’s bookstore is
the genuine truth not some catchy
marketing line all along the way I have
been candid with my co-workers about my
struggles with chronic illness they see
me on days when I am bubbly enthusiastic
brimming with ambition and passion they
also see me on days when I’m exhausted
when I feel like the room is spinning
and on those days they gently encourage
me to go home to rest they assure me
that they have things under control they
had set up a way for the avid world to
keep spinning even if a migraine had me
waylaid for days I believed that my
being open with my co-workers allows
them to be open with each other
and with the people in their lives it
also makes avid a place where people can
be their authentic selves without fear
of judgement
I can imagine business leaders being
very put off by this approach shouldn’t
a leader be strong formidable never
showing any signs of weakness well
that’s not the avid way though it may
work for several other companies avid
was founded on radical candor it seems
like our unorthodox approach is working
we garnered so much community support
that we were able to open a second book
shop in 20
seen this little bookshop that could now
employs more than 20 people choosing an
openness and vulnerability is never easy
for me I work hard at it every day but I
can say without a doubt that it has
transformed my world by sharing openly
with the community about the struggles
and the joys we have in running avid
bookshop people feel genuinely invested
in our journey by writing as the
migraine girl I can give voice and
validation to people who don’t feel
ready to speak up just yet fellow
entrepreneurs tell me that my candid
sharing about some of the reservations
and worries I have about running a
business business that’s sustainable
really make them feel a little less
crazy a little less isolated being open
and candid has been supremely difficult
for me but I can tell you that this
approach has led to some of the most
significant events of my professional
life being vulnerable allows me to
meaningfully connect with my communities
and having those community support
allows me to continue sharing in an
authentic in often powerful way
maybe chronic illness isn’t what’s
holding you back maybe there’s something
else that’s sparking some anxiety for
you I’m here to tell you that you aren’t
serving yourself or anyone around you if
you’re not taking risks and practicing
vulnerability it’s not easy to be
vulnerable it takes strength to begin
revealing your authentic self but we
we’re here to support you
we are your community we can’t wait to see what you’ve become thank you