just a month ago my wife and I brought
our first child into this world a
beautiful baby girl anyone who’s ever
held a newborn baby in your hands
knows that it’s a connection unlike
anything else the entire world just
stops you’ve got this precious fragile
beautiful gift right there in your hands
dependent upon you for everything from
you they’ll learn how to live love laugh
experience life and overcome obstacles
and as we all know however coming
obstacles is a part of life but what
many here may not know is that how we
choose to perceive difficult situations
and overcome the obstacles before us is
largely dependent upon our relationships
one of the most difficult challenges
that I faced was returning home from war
and reconnecting to society immediately
upon finishing high school I joined the
US Marines I was seeking a sense of
purpose and wanted to be a part of
something bigger than myself from the
moments that I earned the title of
United States Marine I was no longer an
individual but rather an essential part
of a functioning unit there was no black
white or brown we were all Marine Corps
green and that was the only color that
mattered
this bond intensified as we spent
countless hours
shivering together in the Pacific Ocean
or suffering under the weight of a heavy
pack these shared experiences brought us
together the more we suffered together
the more we became a cohesive unit just
a few months later I was on my first
deployment to Iraq the bonds that we had
forged in training now made us willing
to
risk injury or death to protect each
other I witnessed countless acts of
bravery as Marines shielded each other
from gunfire or explosions with their
own bodies and medics ran into open
streets under heavy enemy fire to
provide life-saving aid nobody was in it
for the recognition we simply loved each
other and wanted to make sure that
everyone made it home but we weren’t
always successful by the end of our
nine-month deployment
more than 25% of my unit had been
wounded
and we had all lost close friends when I
returned home I was a college student
and worked a full time job yet despite
being surrounded by colleagues and
thousands of fellow students I felt
depressed and disconnected I chose to
spend most of my time alone I hiked
alone biked alone
climbed mountains alone and I did a lot
of drinking alone it took me a long time
to admit that I was suffering with the
invisible wounds of war as a 19 year old
kid I hated fought in some of the
heaviest combat since Vietnam due to the
fast pace of operations I didn’t have
time to experience strong emotions such
as fear sadness or grief so instead I
buried everything in order to focus on
the mission at hand when I returned home
rather than taking responsibility for my
transition as I should have been seeking
help I chose to continue to numb myself
to emotions including love and happiness
I pushed away family and close friends
it led me down of
a self-destructive path one day in the
bedroom of my college apartment I
decided to drink every single bottle of
alcohol and put a loaded shotgun in my
mouth I thought about a friend who had
committed suicide a year earlier the
effect that it had on his friends and
family and I vividly recalled how much I
cried during his funeral I unloaded the
shotgun I locked it away in my roommates
room and I left I woke up the next
morning to a phone full of text messages
and voicemails from concerned friends
and family the same people who I had
tried to push away just weeks earlier it
was clear that they cared very deeply
about me and were concerned about me I
realized that I was at the bottom of a
hole that I had dug for myself it was
time to stop digging throw down the
shovel and climb out one day a fellow
marine mentioned to me that he had been
seeking counseling and professional help
for his wartime experiences he’d served
as a sniper in Iraq and Afghanistan and
he knew that we shared similar
experiences from combat he thought that
seeking speaking to a counselor would be
good for me at first I told him no way
dude of a big strong US Marine I don’t
need to talk to anybody I can handle my
own emotions I don’t need anybody for
anything in the long run I realized that
he was right his willingness to be
vulnerable to share with me that he was
seeking help made me feel like it was
okay to do so as well and I can’t tell
you how much I appreciate that and how
big of an impact it had in my life
making the decision to admit that I was
struggling with something and ask for
help was one of the most important
decisions that I’ve ever made
he also introduced me to a group of
military veterans who were doing
international disaster response they
were using their military skills to help
people affected by major natural
disasters around the world such as the
Haiti earthquake in 2010 or the flooding
in Pakistan or the typhoon in the
Philippines in 2013 or any number of
other tornadoes mudslides wildfires or
other natural disasters what they found
is that as these veterans worked in
their local communities alongside fellow
citizens conversation took place bonds
were formed and the burdens of war were
lifted Amelia pond finishing college I
left for a year-long trip around the
world I was seeking to fill a piece of
me that I felt was missing I didn’t know
what it was but I still felt a piece of
me was missing so I traveled around the
world for a year doing humanitarian aid
in disaster response I lived in remote
villages and worked on local projects
with people building schools or
hospitals digging water in irrigation
lines in Africa or working in orphanages
along the way I found something that I
didn’t even know I had been missing
empathy empathy is an essential part of
connecting with other human beings but
when I had numbed myself I lost the
ability to view things from the
perspectives of other people or to feel
their pain it’s hard to be a good friend
if you can’t sympathize with someone the
second thing that I found during this
trip is that I realize that love is the
when I finished this trip around the
world I came to Norway what I failed to
mention earlier is that in college while
I was pushing everyone away I met this
beautiful Norwegian girl she’s the
reason I’m here today in 2014 I moved to
Trondheim to be with Katrina who is now
my wife we faced a bit of an uphill
battle I had no friends no Network I
didn’t speak the language and I had only
realized that in order to make this work
I was going to need to get connected in
the local community I started
volunteering started talking with people
making friends eventually I landed a job
at a local software startup luckily some
of my colleagues have become my closest
friends but as we all know you need
friends outside of work so I did what
any good Midwestern American would do to
make new friends in a new place I
or on the ski trails or out hiking in
the forests just randomly talking to
strangers hey I’m Dave how’s it going
I’m new here
oddly enough it worked
what I realized is that belonging is an
essential part of connectedness
belonging is a human need just like food
water or shelter it’s a psychological
need the best part about belonging is
that we all have the ability to make
others feel like they belong so if you
happen to be new to Trondheim or Norway
or going anywhere else I’ve got a few
quick tips for you it may make it a
little bit easier tip number one go
local climb the local mountains
experience the local food embrace the
bad weather whatever it happens to be
you’ll quickly find that if you go local
and embrace the culture the place where
you are will quickly begin to feel more
like home and that’s really essential to
fitting in number two volunteer I’m not
sure if everyone here is aware of this
but the majority of events that take
place here in Trondheim run on people’s
free time and willingness to contribute
TEDx is a perfect example of this all of
the people here the TEDx staff they
don’t get paid but if you take the time
and I hope all of you do this go up and
shake someone’s hand and say thank you
and get to know one of the TEDx staff
members which will very quickly find out
is that they are bubbly happy exciting
outgoing energetic wonderful people and
so if you volunteer about so with
something that you care about you’ll
quickly begin to make new friends
and number three take action have people
over for fourth of July or Thanksgiving
or plan a Christmas dinner choose
something that’s of value to you and
share it with other people they can be
hiking singing dancing arts anything
what happens is that when you are
vulnerable and you share a piece of
yourself with someone else and you open
up it makes it much easier for people to
see the real you and that’s who we all
want to get to know right real you so do
that it may take a while for people to
warm up to you after all this is a cold
country but if you do it so I’m very
confident it’ll be one of the best
decisions that you ever make just ask my
wife and little baby Leslie over there
I’m sure that they will agree thank you [Applause]
our first child into this world a
beautiful baby girl anyone who’s ever
held a newborn baby in your hands
knows that it’s a connection unlike
anything else the entire world just
stops you’ve got this precious fragile
beautiful gift right there in your hands
dependent upon you for everything from
you they’ll learn how to live love laugh
experience life and overcome obstacles
and as we all know however coming
obstacles is a part of life but what
many here may not know is that how we
choose to perceive difficult situations
and overcome the obstacles before us is
largely dependent upon our relationships
one of the most difficult challenges
that I faced was returning home from war
and reconnecting to society immediately
upon finishing high school I joined the
US Marines I was seeking a sense of
purpose and wanted to be a part of
something bigger than myself from the
moments that I earned the title of
United States Marine I was no longer an
individual but rather an essential part
of a functioning unit there was no black
white or brown we were all Marine Corps
green and that was the only color that
mattered
this bond intensified as we spent
countless hours
shivering together in the Pacific Ocean
or suffering under the weight of a heavy
pack these shared experiences brought us
together the more we suffered together
the more we became a cohesive unit just
a few months later I was on my first
deployment to Iraq the bonds that we had
forged in training now made us willing
to
risk injury or death to protect each
other I witnessed countless acts of
bravery as Marines shielded each other
from gunfire or explosions with their
own bodies and medics ran into open
streets under heavy enemy fire to
provide life-saving aid nobody was in it
for the recognition we simply loved each
other and wanted to make sure that
everyone made it home but we weren’t
always successful by the end of our
nine-month deployment
more than 25% of my unit had been
wounded
and we had all lost close friends when I
returned home I was a college student
and worked a full time job yet despite
being surrounded by colleagues and
thousands of fellow students I felt
depressed and disconnected I chose to
spend most of my time alone I hiked
alone biked alone
climbed mountains alone and I did a lot
of drinking alone it took me a long time
to admit that I was suffering with the
invisible wounds of war as a 19 year old
kid I hated fought in some of the
heaviest combat since Vietnam due to the
fast pace of operations I didn’t have
time to experience strong emotions such
as fear sadness or grief so instead I
buried everything in order to focus on
the mission at hand when I returned home
rather than taking responsibility for my
transition as I should have been seeking
help I chose to continue to numb myself
to emotions including love and happiness
I pushed away family and close friends
it led me down of
a self-destructive path one day in the
bedroom of my college apartment I
decided to drink every single bottle of
alcohol and put a loaded shotgun in my
mouth I thought about a friend who had
committed suicide a year earlier the
effect that it had on his friends and
family and I vividly recalled how much I
cried during his funeral I unloaded the
shotgun I locked it away in my roommates
room and I left I woke up the next
morning to a phone full of text messages
and voicemails from concerned friends
and family the same people who I had
tried to push away just weeks earlier it
was clear that they cared very deeply
about me and were concerned about me I
realized that I was at the bottom of a
hole that I had dug for myself it was
time to stop digging throw down the
shovel and climb out one day a fellow
marine mentioned to me that he had been
seeking counseling and professional help
for his wartime experiences he’d served
as a sniper in Iraq and Afghanistan and
he knew that we shared similar
experiences from combat he thought that
seeking speaking to a counselor would be
good for me at first I told him no way
dude of a big strong US Marine I don’t
need to talk to anybody I can handle my
own emotions I don’t need anybody for
anything in the long run I realized that
he was right his willingness to be
vulnerable to share with me that he was
seeking help made me feel like it was
okay to do so as well and I can’t tell
you how much I appreciate that and how
big of an impact it had in my life
making the decision to admit that I was
struggling with something and ask for
help was one of the most important
decisions that I’ve ever made
he also introduced me to a group of
military veterans who were doing
international disaster response they
were using their military skills to help
people affected by major natural
disasters around the world such as the
Haiti earthquake in 2010 or the flooding
in Pakistan or the typhoon in the
Philippines in 2013 or any number of
other tornadoes mudslides wildfires or
other natural disasters what they found
is that as these veterans worked in
their local communities alongside fellow
citizens conversation took place bonds
were formed and the burdens of war were
lifted Amelia pond finishing college I
left for a year-long trip around the
world I was seeking to fill a piece of
me that I felt was missing I didn’t know
what it was but I still felt a piece of
me was missing so I traveled around the
world for a year doing humanitarian aid
in disaster response I lived in remote
villages and worked on local projects
with people building schools or
hospitals digging water in irrigation
lines in Africa or working in orphanages
along the way I found something that I
didn’t even know I had been missing
empathy empathy is an essential part of
connecting with other human beings but
when I had numbed myself I lost the
ability to view things from the
perspectives of other people or to feel
their pain it’s hard to be a good friend
if you can’t sympathize with someone the
second thing that I found during this
trip is that I realize that love is the
when I finished this trip around the
world I came to Norway what I failed to
mention earlier is that in college while
I was pushing everyone away I met this
beautiful Norwegian girl she’s the
reason I’m here today in 2014 I moved to
Trondheim to be with Katrina who is now
my wife we faced a bit of an uphill
battle I had no friends no Network I
didn’t speak the language and I had only
realized that in order to make this work
I was going to need to get connected in
the local community I started
volunteering started talking with people
making friends eventually I landed a job
at a local software startup luckily some
of my colleagues have become my closest
friends but as we all know you need
friends outside of work so I did what
any good Midwestern American would do to
make new friends in a new place I
or on the ski trails or out hiking in
the forests just randomly talking to
strangers hey I’m Dave how’s it going
I’m new here
oddly enough it worked
what I realized is that belonging is an
essential part of connectedness
belonging is a human need just like food
water or shelter it’s a psychological
need the best part about belonging is
that we all have the ability to make
others feel like they belong so if you
happen to be new to Trondheim or Norway
or going anywhere else I’ve got a few
quick tips for you it may make it a
little bit easier tip number one go
local climb the local mountains
experience the local food embrace the
bad weather whatever it happens to be
you’ll quickly find that if you go local
and embrace the culture the place where
you are will quickly begin to feel more
like home and that’s really essential to
fitting in number two volunteer I’m not
sure if everyone here is aware of this
but the majority of events that take
place here in Trondheim run on people’s
free time and willingness to contribute
TEDx is a perfect example of this all of
the people here the TEDx staff they
don’t get paid but if you take the time
and I hope all of you do this go up and
shake someone’s hand and say thank you
and get to know one of the TEDx staff
members which will very quickly find out
is that they are bubbly happy exciting
outgoing energetic wonderful people and
so if you volunteer about so with
something that you care about you’ll
quickly begin to make new friends
and number three take action have people
over for fourth of July or Thanksgiving
or plan a Christmas dinner choose
something that’s of value to you and
share it with other people they can be
hiking singing dancing arts anything
what happens is that when you are
vulnerable and you share a piece of
yourself with someone else and you open
up it makes it much easier for people to
see the real you and that’s who we all
want to get to know right real you so do
that it may take a while for people to
warm up to you after all this is a cold
country but if you do it so I’m very
confident it’ll be one of the best
decisions that you ever make just ask my
wife and little baby Leslie over there
I’m sure that they will agree thank you [Applause]
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