when I was seven years old I had to knit
a doll at school and boys had to play
football and I wanted to play football
too but I wasn’t allowed because I was a
girl so I was furious and my parents
were furious too so they went to school
to talk about it and from den moment on
girls were allowed to choose the boys
not that we’ll imagine a boy knitting at
all I had two younger brothers and at
that time I was in every almost
everything better than my brothers were
and my father sometimes said to me what
a pity you’re not a boy and that was the
first time I heard a voice in my head
saying being female doing female things
like ballet or knitting dolls is
inferior and that made me feel uncertain
so I decided to be tough I was good at
sports
I was good at science subjects and the
feminist girl inside of me was fully
awakened and I was very ambitious yes I
wanted to become Pope Wow
[Applause]
I thought a woman is Pope that’s a
miracle that’s good for the world so I
because I thought well if I become Pope
then at least I know how to run such a
company and in the unlikely event it
doesn’t happen well then I will be CEO
or for not a large multinational like
shell or something like that and then I
saved the world that way so after
graduation I started to work and after a
few years years I became managing
director of a large healthcare company
and I also got married had a baby and
the pressure was rising I felt totally
responsible for everything in the house
and the baby and when the baby was ill I
left a management meeting later on I
found out why that happened to me back
then I put everything I find important
in the center of my attention and I
circle around it and I found also that
men do exactly the opposite they put
themselves in the center of the
attention and let everything they find
I call that the master of the universe
principle and my husband was such a
master of the universe he did nothing at
home and I didn’t let it happen I made
it happen
because it fit exactly in the pattern
that we’ve known for centuries the man
works and the woman serves and cares so
in the meantime I ended up in a conflict
at work we were in a major
reorganization and people were laid off
and our board of directors was reduced
from four till three and I was one of
the three and then my two colleagues men
thought it might be a good idea to
divide the salary of director number
four amongst the three of us and that
disgusted me I thought it’s taxpayers
money it’s meant for care for patients
people have to go go home we had to
leave and we are going to raise our
salary by 30% incredible I couldn’t
agree and then both gentlemen got very
angry and then I thought I’m not good
enough they will find out that I’m not
that perfect as they think I am and I
felt like a fraud the wrong person in
later I found out these voices have a
name the impostor syndrome the fear of
being found out you know you’re good
enough you have external proof that you
are good enough that you’re a fit for
the job and still you are afraid that
they will find out let me know famous
people like Albert Einstein and Neil
Armstrong Sheryl Sandberg CEO of
Facebook an even Meryl Streep suffer
from those impostor thoughts every time
Meryl Streep wins an award she is afraid
for the phone call saying sorry Meryl we
made a huge mistake but you’re a lousy
actress please bring it back and we know
by American research that everybody has
those thoughts but one third of men and
2/3 of women are hindered in their
career by these thoughts especially
talented successful women are hindered
in this by this thoughts and the reason
for this is testosterone women have only
10% of the testosterone of men and you
need testosterone for drive for taking
risks for taking decisions for focus for
sex drive and also for to be to be to
have courage and you need testosterone
to have the courage that if you have
those thoughts and you feel insecure or
are afraid not to listen to these
thoughts and that’s why men in general
are less hindered by those impulses
sauce then women are if you have these
thoughts these thoughts
causes stress and the reaction to stress
is fight or flight ok fight looks like
whoops okay I don’t know why it’s not
standing but okay okay let it collapse
all right
it’s no good anyway because fighting
it’s 24/7 hard work
it’s perfectionism its setting the bar
very high and a mistake is a disaster
because it’s the proof that you can’t do
it
flight looks like this yes
exactly the same I’ll show you yeah
proof okay so these pictures are exactly
the same and that’s because these are
internal processes you can’t see it from
the outside and I have two pictures of
myself because it’s also about me
okay flight flight is making yourself
small making yourself invisible it’s
about dismissing compliments when I say
what a nice dress you say oh it was very
cheap or if I say you did a good job and
you say oh it wasn’t that hard it’s
about making yourself invisible it’s
about avoiding success and it’s about
avoiding conflicts so I resigned and I
was at home feeling like a failure
and that was the best situation for
creating a huge impostor syndrome so I
was very happy when my husband started
he started his own company and I could
play a supporting role there so I did
the back-office he did the front office
I took care of the kids he did new
business and in his midlife with new
women
so we divided our belongings he took the
company and I took the house and the
kids of course and there I was sitting
at home with two three little children
to care for a house a mortgage and no
work and no income and I thought what
did I do wrong
how did I become so dependent on my
husband’s what has happened to my
ambition and I started to delve in it
what happens to women when they start to
work what happens when they start to
have family and what problems do they
run into I wanted to make sure that
women do better than I did that women
women keep their ambition stay happily
at work and never become dependent on
somebody else and I also want to make
sure that my daughter does never such
stupid things as I’ve done let her do
her own stupid things and by the way she
does wholeheartedly she studies he and
so I made my own profession of it and I
started my own company ten years ago and
we help women to live their full
potential to keep their ambition and to
have the career they want and after a
few years of study and research and
experience I found that the impostor
syndrome hinders women in their career
and I wrote a book about it in Dutch is
called 50 on shake head but I don’t in
English it’s called a different because
the f-word is said to root so in English
it’s called her sure she can and yes we
can yes we can
the fear of being found out makes us
small makes us invisible leads us to the
wrong decisions
fight or flight the fear of being found
out is caused by forces from the past by
wisdom from the past like for example
you’re not good enough you’re going to
be found out you’re too lazy and our
culture provides forces to for women for
example be caring be modest be nice be
in the background and for men be tough
be brave take risks don’t cry earnings
and a lot of money just to it and I call
those voices carrots on your shoulder
and those parrots help men in their
career but they hinder men in caring
behavior caring tasks of course cautious
behavior and in for example asking for
but they help them in their career
j-just do it and for women it works
exactly the opposite around it keeps
women small it keeps women invisible it
keeps women in the background and let
them lose their ambition and if we
decide not to listen to those parrots
anymore you can do whatever you want to
do and you can use your talents in
society everywhere in society even there
or especially there where the big
decisions are made and if we take those
decisions together men and women I think
we get better decisions better decisions
created more creative decisions and in
the end I think a better world and
that’s what I want for my daughter and
that’s what I want for all our daughters
and sons in the world so how do we get
rid of those parrots okay I’ve got three
tips tip number one notice that you have
a parrot on your shoulder that he’s
tip number two give you parents a name
based on where he comes from and what he
wants and if he has a name
tip number three is more easy to do
chase him away now I can’t imagine that
sometimes in difficult situations you
need a little bit more testosterone so
for example if you have to do a TED talk
so I’ve developed a quick fix based on
the work of Harvard professor Amy Cuddy
and the hacker of the Orion New Zealand
and yeah exactly
it’s called the bow Quito so it works
like this you go to someplace quiet like
the bathroom and you make sure there’s
no one else around
that’s quite essential
let’s do an experiment
yeah let’s see if we can chase all the
okay everybody standing yes on three we
let’s empty imposter syndrome today you
have already started thank you [Applause]
a doll at school and boys had to play
football and I wanted to play football
too but I wasn’t allowed because I was a
girl so I was furious and my parents
were furious too so they went to school
to talk about it and from den moment on
girls were allowed to choose the boys
not that we’ll imagine a boy knitting at
all I had two younger brothers and at
that time I was in every almost
everything better than my brothers were
and my father sometimes said to me what
a pity you’re not a boy and that was the
first time I heard a voice in my head
saying being female doing female things
like ballet or knitting dolls is
inferior and that made me feel uncertain
so I decided to be tough I was good at
sports
I was good at science subjects and the
feminist girl inside of me was fully
awakened and I was very ambitious yes I
wanted to become Pope Wow
[Applause]
I thought a woman is Pope that’s a
miracle that’s good for the world so I
because I thought well if I become Pope
then at least I know how to run such a
company and in the unlikely event it
doesn’t happen well then I will be CEO
or for not a large multinational like
shell or something like that and then I
saved the world that way so after
graduation I started to work and after a
few years years I became managing
director of a large healthcare company
and I also got married had a baby and
the pressure was rising I felt totally
responsible for everything in the house
and the baby and when the baby was ill I
left a management meeting later on I
found out why that happened to me back
then I put everything I find important
in the center of my attention and I
circle around it and I found also that
men do exactly the opposite they put
themselves in the center of the
attention and let everything they find
I call that the master of the universe
principle and my husband was such a
master of the universe he did nothing at
home and I didn’t let it happen I made
it happen
because it fit exactly in the pattern
that we’ve known for centuries the man
works and the woman serves and cares so
in the meantime I ended up in a conflict
at work we were in a major
reorganization and people were laid off
and our board of directors was reduced
from four till three and I was one of
the three and then my two colleagues men
thought it might be a good idea to
divide the salary of director number
four amongst the three of us and that
disgusted me I thought it’s taxpayers
money it’s meant for care for patients
people have to go go home we had to
leave and we are going to raise our
salary by 30% incredible I couldn’t
agree and then both gentlemen got very
angry and then I thought I’m not good
enough they will find out that I’m not
that perfect as they think I am and I
felt like a fraud the wrong person in
later I found out these voices have a
name the impostor syndrome the fear of
being found out you know you’re good
enough you have external proof that you
are good enough that you’re a fit for
the job and still you are afraid that
they will find out let me know famous
people like Albert Einstein and Neil
Armstrong Sheryl Sandberg CEO of
Facebook an even Meryl Streep suffer
from those impostor thoughts every time
Meryl Streep wins an award she is afraid
for the phone call saying sorry Meryl we
made a huge mistake but you’re a lousy
actress please bring it back and we know
by American research that everybody has
those thoughts but one third of men and
2/3 of women are hindered in their
career by these thoughts especially
talented successful women are hindered
in this by this thoughts and the reason
for this is testosterone women have only
10% of the testosterone of men and you
need testosterone for drive for taking
risks for taking decisions for focus for
sex drive and also for to be to be to
have courage and you need testosterone
to have the courage that if you have
those thoughts and you feel insecure or
are afraid not to listen to these
thoughts and that’s why men in general
are less hindered by those impulses
sauce then women are if you have these
thoughts these thoughts
causes stress and the reaction to stress
is fight or flight ok fight looks like
whoops okay I don’t know why it’s not
standing but okay okay let it collapse
all right
it’s no good anyway because fighting
it’s 24/7 hard work
it’s perfectionism its setting the bar
very high and a mistake is a disaster
because it’s the proof that you can’t do
it
flight looks like this yes
exactly the same I’ll show you yeah
proof okay so these pictures are exactly
the same and that’s because these are
internal processes you can’t see it from
the outside and I have two pictures of
myself because it’s also about me
okay flight flight is making yourself
small making yourself invisible it’s
about dismissing compliments when I say
what a nice dress you say oh it was very
cheap or if I say you did a good job and
you say oh it wasn’t that hard it’s
about making yourself invisible it’s
about avoiding success and it’s about
avoiding conflicts so I resigned and I
was at home feeling like a failure
and that was the best situation for
creating a huge impostor syndrome so I
was very happy when my husband started
he started his own company and I could
play a supporting role there so I did
the back-office he did the front office
I took care of the kids he did new
business and in his midlife with new
women
so we divided our belongings he took the
company and I took the house and the
kids of course and there I was sitting
at home with two three little children
to care for a house a mortgage and no
work and no income and I thought what
did I do wrong
how did I become so dependent on my
husband’s what has happened to my
ambition and I started to delve in it
what happens to women when they start to
work what happens when they start to
have family and what problems do they
run into I wanted to make sure that
women do better than I did that women
women keep their ambition stay happily
at work and never become dependent on
somebody else and I also want to make
sure that my daughter does never such
stupid things as I’ve done let her do
her own stupid things and by the way she
does wholeheartedly she studies he and
so I made my own profession of it and I
started my own company ten years ago and
we help women to live their full
potential to keep their ambition and to
have the career they want and after a
few years of study and research and
experience I found that the impostor
syndrome hinders women in their career
and I wrote a book about it in Dutch is
called 50 on shake head but I don’t in
English it’s called a different because
the f-word is said to root so in English
it’s called her sure she can and yes we
can yes we can
the fear of being found out makes us
small makes us invisible leads us to the
wrong decisions
fight or flight the fear of being found
out is caused by forces from the past by
wisdom from the past like for example
you’re not good enough you’re going to
be found out you’re too lazy and our
culture provides forces to for women for
example be caring be modest be nice be
in the background and for men be tough
be brave take risks don’t cry earnings
and a lot of money just to it and I call
those voices carrots on your shoulder
and those parrots help men in their
career but they hinder men in caring
behavior caring tasks of course cautious
behavior and in for example asking for
but they help them in their career
j-just do it and for women it works
exactly the opposite around it keeps
women small it keeps women invisible it
keeps women in the background and let
them lose their ambition and if we
decide not to listen to those parrots
anymore you can do whatever you want to
do and you can use your talents in
society everywhere in society even there
or especially there where the big
decisions are made and if we take those
decisions together men and women I think
we get better decisions better decisions
created more creative decisions and in
the end I think a better world and
that’s what I want for my daughter and
that’s what I want for all our daughters
and sons in the world so how do we get
rid of those parrots okay I’ve got three
tips tip number one notice that you have
a parrot on your shoulder that he’s
tip number two give you parents a name
based on where he comes from and what he
wants and if he has a name
tip number three is more easy to do
chase him away now I can’t imagine that
sometimes in difficult situations you
need a little bit more testosterone so
for example if you have to do a TED talk
so I’ve developed a quick fix based on
the work of Harvard professor Amy Cuddy
and the hacker of the Orion New Zealand
and yeah exactly
it’s called the bow Quito so it works
like this you go to someplace quiet like
the bathroom and you make sure there’s
no one else around
that’s quite essential
let’s do an experiment
yeah let’s see if we can chase all the
okay everybody standing yes on three we
let’s empty imposter syndrome today you
have already started thank you [Applause]
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