[Music]
[Applause]
well I had not expected to be due in
this city that’s for sure
so I hope you’re all gonna be kind to me
and I hope you’re all gonna play along
and if I can get through this in 18
minutes it will be the biggest
achievement I’ve ever done in my life
you’ll be able to see quickly I like the
sound of my own voice although I’ve
never taped it to be fair not that I
would admit to it anyway so I’m gonna
have to ask you to help me along with
this because I have absolutely no idea
how this is gonna go so if it goes great
it was planned to go great if it goes
terrible – not my fault so we’re gonna
look at why do we perceive the world so
differently and what I want to do I want
to ask you a question and this is a bit
way I’m really gonna need your help
because I’m gonna ask you to do
something for me I’m gonna ask you to
tell me that if you have to catch a
train and let’s forget about the beast
from the east right now but if you had
to catch a train that left at the train
station at 3:00 p.m. I want to know what
time would you arrive at the train
station but how I want you to show me is
by imagining we have a time line here at
the front of the stage okay and I want
you to imagine that this side of the
stage is two o’clock just on the floor
down here and the far side over here is
three o’clock and what I want to know is
what time would you get to the train
station now because we’re going to be
doing this in the fastest time ever I
would ask you all please come along as
fast as you can and show me what time
okay so we’ve got two o’clock at this
side two o’clock and we’ve got to know
well this is really interesting because
I said here at three o’clock but there
is always some people who add extra time
on so let me just check let me see what
we’ve got here
so um Madame what’s your name Joe Joe
what time did you get to the train
station to devil now I’m wished you
could all see Joe’s face cuz I’m gonna
try my hardest to show you it was I said
sure what time do you get the transition
to dead-on
that would tell me we can read from
Joe’s facial expressions that’s
important to you Joe right yeah so
what’s your name sin what time you’re at
the train station oh no you see that was
another really strong – yeah – as well
plan for – oh I like this always one of
those in every audience I have to say so
here what have we got what time we got
here
quarter past – oh but you can’t get over
there I’ll let you off I’ll let you well
maybe the beast from the east towers got
in the way so here what are we here half
to two forty five five – okay
ten – what we got here five – five –
five
what’s your name sir Paul Paul can you
come here just a minute
so this is Paul it got to the train
station at five past three what I want
to ask you over this side of the room so
stay there Paul and we’ll come and hook
you later because this is going to be
brutal so over here Joe where you going
Joe sim now what amongst friends so you
can be honest tell me truthfully what do
you think of people like Paul okay makes
no difficult Paul yeah Oh he’d be
annoyed Paul no idea Joe what about you
oh she’s not happy Paul just I’ll
probably miss the train how does it so
if you’re traveling with somebody like
Paul imagine husband wife colleague you
know but oh you’re all you can’t say
Sims point into the chat next to when it
when you’re like that and you’re
traveling with somebody like that how
does it make you feel so we’ve got
annoyed from sim what else over signed
what else job about yourself you’ve got
to go with it anybody else on this side
of the room would feel something
different
you’d leave them behind yeah what else
how does it make you feel so you want to
get there early what was that stressed
what else anxious yeah so weak Vicki
you’re gonna get some kind of an
emotional response yeah oh there’s
they’re nodding naughty now Paul what I
want to know from you missus we’re gonna
be really interesting
come here Paul you say Joe and sim over
there yep yep what do you think people
like that yeah oh now what was really
interesting we got a laugh for most of
the room except here we got all
so far here are five to three people
what do we think of people like that
waste of times and then this is really
interesting so waste of time so you’re
more productive yet more efficient yo
we’ve got lots of nods gone are you
people over here what do you think about
that but you waste your time you’re not
productive you’re not efficient with
your time what do you think about that
oh you’re unreliable Paul yeah what else
do we think of people like that so
they’re unreliable what else
oh you can’t plan ahead yeah yeah it’s
so you say what what you said you they
plan to be there at 5:00 to do you lot
you’ve got too much time on your hands
is that right wastin time what do you
think of that oh you see they’re more
plans they bring their work to the
station you see it’s you that aren’t
planned what do you think about that oh
oh you see what you’re missing term
there you see they’re all like no way so
thank you sit back down I’m gonna
explain to you why we’ve just done that
so I’m gonna keep talking cuz we’re
short of time Matthew grub in a seat sir
I hope that’s okay so in order to kind
of look at what’s just happened then I’m
gonna pull it apart in a little bit more
detail in a minute what we’re going to
do is we’re gonna look at why we
perceive the world so differently
and this is in it that the quickest we
ever an introduction to something called
NLP and NLP stands for neuro linguistic
programming and the official definition
of NLP is it’s the study of the
subjective experience so why did y’all
get there at two o’clock and why’s Paul
happily rockin up at five plus three why
do we have a completely different view
of what’s appropriate with our time why
some people think they’re planned and
organized and over here we’ve got people
who think that actually they’re planned
and organized lots of people over there
who won’t too much time on the hands why
do we see things so differently well
that’s because the point of NLP is it
studies how individuals think feel and
behave and yes there are some general
pattern
but every single one of us have a
subjective experience of everything that
we go through in terms of our own
versions of reality so just to give you
a little bit more detail the neural part
of neural istic for programming
it’s about your thinking processes so
this is all about how your senses have
you use your senses to experience the
world around you have your conscious and
your unconscious thought processes
activate your nervous system which
influences your physiology which
influences how you feel
which influences what you do which
influences what you say the linguistic
part you won’t be surprised that’s all
about your words so this is about how
you use language and how it influences
you and those around you and how you
make sense of experiences through
language and how you talk to yourself
and others now the programming bit this
is really interesting this now was about
your behavior how all these things come
together to organize your thoughts your
ideas your reactions into steps into
processes into strategies which lead to
the results you get and the impact that
this has on yourself and others so when
we put all that together what I just
want to do is just draw your attention
to the screen for a minutes I just want
to show you something oh yes there was a
cups now you don’t have the benefit of
what I can see over here but some people
are like yeah right and and then did you
hear a little murmur oh oh the little
squeaks that kind of go look hands up
who hates that picture anybody really
all this quite a few hands quite a lot
of people and I can see you so you can’t
even look at it can you you know with
this gentleman here he’s like I know I
can see it’s like this I know it’s there
and I’m not looking at it you do know
it’s not real right can you just pass
that box that I’ve got down there and
there wasn’t a little pet no I’m gonna
choke it I don’t have one on me
so the way our brains work is we know
it’s not real but we’ve programmed
yourselves habitually to think to have a
reaction that’s there that’s their
program a bit the behavior bit to have a
reaction to something and that reaction
for a lot of us we feel it we don’t just
think it we it might turn our stomach it
might make us look away it might make us
to leave the
anybody hate interviews or anybody would
hate to get up at a conference and just
do a talk with absolutely no practice or
anything whatsoever in front of an
audience they don’t know so when we do
things like that what happens to our
body Shoto yep tensor butt sore muscles
and stress what happens when we feel
stressed heart rate exactly I can I can
tell you that I am shaking so much right
now that for some reason my right butt
cheek has gone like that I have no idea
why so it doesn’t matter what you think
what I’d say that that will affect how
we feel it will affect what we do so I’m
gonna give you a very very brief the
quickest ever introduction to how our
brains work to help you understand a
little bit more about how why we feel
and react the way we do in certain
situations and why we each have our very
own unique version of reality so in any
situation how we perceive the situation
as we are experiencing it is very unique
and individual to us and what actually
happens is we’re taking send about two
million sensory pieces and further
information at any one second but our
brains can’t cope without abundance of
data so it has to filter some of it out
before it can begin to try and make
sense of it and then where your brain
filters information is it does it in
three ways it deletes some information
it distorts some and it generalizes them
and it has to do that we have to brains
have to be able to do that to enable us
to learn quickly but there are some
draws there’s some downsides to that so
I’m going to explain the downside you
see now you can see I have no idea
what’s coming next on the slide with an
impromptu presentation but let’s keep
going so this this idea about our
perception it’s our own personal view of
reality and what actually happens in
that moment in time is the facts that is
the sensory specific information is
merged with what we call our internal
filters and those internal filters are
made up of our culture our memories our
upbringing our beliefs our values our
identity our state and by state I mean
an emotional state or physical state at
any one moment in time and that bit in
the middle forms your unique
section of reality it’s a unique
combination that explains why we all see
the world so different in why we act in
it’s so differently so these internal
filters determine what you focus on what
you look for and what you leave out of
your perceived experiences of reality to
give you an example what’s really
interesting is we all pay attention to
different things so shout out what’s the
first thing that you notice about this
picture
Eiffel Tower
it’s not real anything else there’s no
right or wrong answer we’re all drawn to
looking at different things flowers what
else double-decker bus so notice we’re
getting very different quality of
answers but did anybody notice that it
said Paris in the this spring nope so
what actually happens is your brain will
delete the information because it’s
superfluous it doesn’t need it it was
there and so many things are in front of
us the whole time but depending on our
own internal filters which we’ve just
discovered are completely different and
unique to every single one of us because
of that we will delete information and
what’s really interesting is our brains
are designed to prove us right
imagine that think back to every
argument you’ve ever had so our brains
are designed to prove us right
but if our brains work in such a way
that it’s deleting information that’s
right in front of our face then how is
that going to get in the way of how we
actually make of the situation in front
of us how we interpret the experiences
how we decide whether somebody likes us
whether they’re picking on us whether
they’re just you know discriminating
against us whatever that may be if you
think somebody doesn’t like you for
example in your workplace your brain is
designed to only look for the clues all
of the the sync signals that confirm
that belief and it will actually leave
out anything that goes against that so
just think about that for a moment think
about the impact that that has on our
communications on our relationships but
also on how we feel how we feel about
ourselves how we feel about others so
our perception of a situation drives
how we feel and what we do so if you
wake up one day and you’re in a
glass-half-full mood well didn’t you did
go great you could wake up the exact
same day and that morning have a glass
half empty day and doesn’t everything go
wrong on that day and the reality is
it’s how you perceive it it’s how you
perceive it is being good or bad that
determines whether it is or it isn’t and
that’s your own unique version your
subjectiveness your version of reality
so what I’m going to try and attempt to
do in the four minutes and 11 seconds
that I’ve got left is to give you some
actually tangible tools that you can
take away and use to kind of use this
stuff to influence how you think feel
and behave and very much to influence
those of those around you as well so
there is something called language and
behavior preferences and with these
preferences what we can actually do that
visit there’s at least 12 of them there
aren’t there are some see there’s up to
60 what I’m going to do is introduce you
probably to only one of them so that’s
all I’ve got time for but this is really
interesting way of identifying what
we’re filtering so what are we leaving
out and we can see and hear this in
terms of our language and our behavior
and what is important about these things
is they reveal our values so that’s
what’s really important to us that
anyone come in any one time and in any
given context so the Train exercise was
an example of how our behavior shows us
what’s important to us and the really
interesting thing about this stuff is
there is no right or wrong
so for Joe and Paul they were both right
it’s about whether or not these things
are useful to you in any given context
and if they’re not useful to you so did
you notice Paul said he had absolute
admiration for anybody up there but I
bet Paul where you’re gone yeah does it
change your behavior Paul no I don’t
think so so it’s about what’s important
to us at any moment in time so what I
want you to do very very quickly it’s
gonna have to be super quick I want you
just to turn to the person next to you
and answer this just the top question I
want you to imagine you’re going to buy
a used car what would be important to
you and why’s that important
you’ve literally got 30 seconds to share
that if buying a used car what’s
important
okay if you don’t mind just finished any
conversations there because that clock
is now chicken in my head like the Carol
Vorderman countdown and I could hear
dududu ringing over and over in my head
so
somebody shout out what was your answer
make sure it works why is that what who
said that somewhere over here sorry I’m
blinded by the light and why is that
important to you because it’ll be a
what pardon okay so if it doesn’t work
you’d be devastated somebody else tell
me an answer
trust to reset us yet trust okay trust
okay and why is that important for it to
be long-lasting why is that important so
you can have it for a really long time
now you’re probably thinking why on
earth is she keep asking these questions
and I’ve got to tell you no offense I
was not interested at all in what you
thought about used cars what I’m
interested in is what motivates you and
the various examples that we’ve just
heard from each other some people are
motivated towards the things they want
some people are motivated to avoid the
things they don’t want so you don’t want
to waste your cash you want to have a
car for a very very long time what’s
really interesting is we can hear that
these things come out in our language in
our behavior so people with what we call
a move away from pattern they focus on
problems they want to fix things they’ll
talk about what problems they want to
avoid those people that are motivated by
what they want to achieve they focus on
their goals and if you focused on your
goals you usually know what you want now
if you’re having a conversation and
you’re at two sides of that spectrum it
will almost be like you’re on speaking
in a different you have not felt I try
with any one different wavelength that’s
what happens when we actually
of different ways of processing
information so over time I’m gonna just
leave you with one thing what can you do
with this stuff
listen out for your own preferences in
your language listen do you have a move
towards preference do you know much
better what you don’t want them what you
do want or do you have a preference you
know really clearly what you want think
about that and listen in other people’s
language because if you hear either of
these patterns and it’s the opposite of
your own if you want to communicate
really well with that person and try and
understand get on the same page with
them try speaking their language instead
of yours and see what happens thank you
[Applause]
well I had not expected to be due in
this city that’s for sure
so I hope you’re all gonna be kind to me
and I hope you’re all gonna play along
and if I can get through this in 18
minutes it will be the biggest
achievement I’ve ever done in my life
you’ll be able to see quickly I like the
sound of my own voice although I’ve
never taped it to be fair not that I
would admit to it anyway so I’m gonna
have to ask you to help me along with
this because I have absolutely no idea
how this is gonna go so if it goes great
it was planned to go great if it goes
terrible – not my fault so we’re gonna
look at why do we perceive the world so
differently and what I want to do I want
to ask you a question and this is a bit
way I’m really gonna need your help
because I’m gonna ask you to do
something for me I’m gonna ask you to
tell me that if you have to catch a
train and let’s forget about the beast
from the east right now but if you had
to catch a train that left at the train
station at 3:00 p.m. I want to know what
time would you arrive at the train
station but how I want you to show me is
by imagining we have a time line here at
the front of the stage okay and I want
you to imagine that this side of the
stage is two o’clock just on the floor
down here and the far side over here is
three o’clock and what I want to know is
what time would you get to the train
station now because we’re going to be
doing this in the fastest time ever I
would ask you all please come along as
fast as you can and show me what time
okay so we’ve got two o’clock at this
side two o’clock and we’ve got to know
well this is really interesting because
I said here at three o’clock but there
is always some people who add extra time
on so let me just check let me see what
we’ve got here
so um Madame what’s your name Joe Joe
what time did you get to the train
station to devil now I’m wished you
could all see Joe’s face cuz I’m gonna
try my hardest to show you it was I said
sure what time do you get the transition
to dead-on
that would tell me we can read from
Joe’s facial expressions that’s
important to you Joe right yeah so
what’s your name sin what time you’re at
the train station oh no you see that was
another really strong – yeah – as well
plan for – oh I like this always one of
those in every audience I have to say so
here what have we got what time we got
here
quarter past – oh but you can’t get over
there I’ll let you off I’ll let you well
maybe the beast from the east towers got
in the way so here what are we here half
to two forty five five – okay
ten – what we got here five – five –
five
what’s your name sir Paul Paul can you
come here just a minute
so this is Paul it got to the train
station at five past three what I want
to ask you over this side of the room so
stay there Paul and we’ll come and hook
you later because this is going to be
brutal so over here Joe where you going
Joe sim now what amongst friends so you
can be honest tell me truthfully what do
you think of people like Paul okay makes
no difficult Paul yeah Oh he’d be
annoyed Paul no idea Joe what about you
oh she’s not happy Paul just I’ll
probably miss the train how does it so
if you’re traveling with somebody like
Paul imagine husband wife colleague you
know but oh you’re all you can’t say
Sims point into the chat next to when it
when you’re like that and you’re
traveling with somebody like that how
does it make you feel so we’ve got
annoyed from sim what else over signed
what else job about yourself you’ve got
to go with it anybody else on this side
of the room would feel something
different
you’d leave them behind yeah what else
how does it make you feel so you want to
get there early what was that stressed
what else anxious yeah so weak Vicki
you’re gonna get some kind of an
emotional response yeah oh there’s
they’re nodding naughty now Paul what I
want to know from you missus we’re gonna
be really interesting
come here Paul you say Joe and sim over
there yep yep what do you think people
like that yeah oh now what was really
interesting we got a laugh for most of
the room except here we got all
so far here are five to three people
what do we think of people like that
waste of times and then this is really
interesting so waste of time so you’re
more productive yet more efficient yo
we’ve got lots of nods gone are you
people over here what do you think about
that but you waste your time you’re not
productive you’re not efficient with
your time what do you think about that
oh you’re unreliable Paul yeah what else
do we think of people like that so
they’re unreliable what else
oh you can’t plan ahead yeah yeah it’s
so you say what what you said you they
plan to be there at 5:00 to do you lot
you’ve got too much time on your hands
is that right wastin time what do you
think of that oh you see they’re more
plans they bring their work to the
station you see it’s you that aren’t
planned what do you think about that oh
oh you see what you’re missing term
there you see they’re all like no way so
thank you sit back down I’m gonna
explain to you why we’ve just done that
so I’m gonna keep talking cuz we’re
short of time Matthew grub in a seat sir
I hope that’s okay so in order to kind
of look at what’s just happened then I’m
gonna pull it apart in a little bit more
detail in a minute what we’re going to
do is we’re gonna look at why we
perceive the world so differently
and this is in it that the quickest we
ever an introduction to something called
NLP and NLP stands for neuro linguistic
programming and the official definition
of NLP is it’s the study of the
subjective experience so why did y’all
get there at two o’clock and why’s Paul
happily rockin up at five plus three why
do we have a completely different view
of what’s appropriate with our time why
some people think they’re planned and
organized and over here we’ve got people
who think that actually they’re planned
and organized lots of people over there
who won’t too much time on the hands why
do we see things so differently well
that’s because the point of NLP is it
studies how individuals think feel and
behave and yes there are some general
pattern
but every single one of us have a
subjective experience of everything that
we go through in terms of our own
versions of reality so just to give you
a little bit more detail the neural part
of neural istic for programming
it’s about your thinking processes so
this is all about how your senses have
you use your senses to experience the
world around you have your conscious and
your unconscious thought processes
activate your nervous system which
influences your physiology which
influences how you feel
which influences what you do which
influences what you say the linguistic
part you won’t be surprised that’s all
about your words so this is about how
you use language and how it influences
you and those around you and how you
make sense of experiences through
language and how you talk to yourself
and others now the programming bit this
is really interesting this now was about
your behavior how all these things come
together to organize your thoughts your
ideas your reactions into steps into
processes into strategies which lead to
the results you get and the impact that
this has on yourself and others so when
we put all that together what I just
want to do is just draw your attention
to the screen for a minutes I just want
to show you something oh yes there was a
cups now you don’t have the benefit of
what I can see over here but some people
are like yeah right and and then did you
hear a little murmur oh oh the little
squeaks that kind of go look hands up
who hates that picture anybody really
all this quite a few hands quite a lot
of people and I can see you so you can’t
even look at it can you you know with
this gentleman here he’s like I know I
can see it’s like this I know it’s there
and I’m not looking at it you do know
it’s not real right can you just pass
that box that I’ve got down there and
there wasn’t a little pet no I’m gonna
choke it I don’t have one on me
so the way our brains work is we know
it’s not real but we’ve programmed
yourselves habitually to think to have a
reaction that’s there that’s their
program a bit the behavior bit to have a
reaction to something and that reaction
for a lot of us we feel it we don’t just
think it we it might turn our stomach it
might make us look away it might make us
to leave the
anybody hate interviews or anybody would
hate to get up at a conference and just
do a talk with absolutely no practice or
anything whatsoever in front of an
audience they don’t know so when we do
things like that what happens to our
body Shoto yep tensor butt sore muscles
and stress what happens when we feel
stressed heart rate exactly I can I can
tell you that I am shaking so much right
now that for some reason my right butt
cheek has gone like that I have no idea
why so it doesn’t matter what you think
what I’d say that that will affect how
we feel it will affect what we do so I’m
gonna give you a very very brief the
quickest ever introduction to how our
brains work to help you understand a
little bit more about how why we feel
and react the way we do in certain
situations and why we each have our very
own unique version of reality so in any
situation how we perceive the situation
as we are experiencing it is very unique
and individual to us and what actually
happens is we’re taking send about two
million sensory pieces and further
information at any one second but our
brains can’t cope without abundance of
data so it has to filter some of it out
before it can begin to try and make
sense of it and then where your brain
filters information is it does it in
three ways it deletes some information
it distorts some and it generalizes them
and it has to do that we have to brains
have to be able to do that to enable us
to learn quickly but there are some
draws there’s some downsides to that so
I’m going to explain the downside you
see now you can see I have no idea
what’s coming next on the slide with an
impromptu presentation but let’s keep
going so this this idea about our
perception it’s our own personal view of
reality and what actually happens in
that moment in time is the facts that is
the sensory specific information is
merged with what we call our internal
filters and those internal filters are
made up of our culture our memories our
upbringing our beliefs our values our
identity our state and by state I mean
an emotional state or physical state at
any one moment in time and that bit in
the middle forms your unique
section of reality it’s a unique
combination that explains why we all see
the world so different in why we act in
it’s so differently so these internal
filters determine what you focus on what
you look for and what you leave out of
your perceived experiences of reality to
give you an example what’s really
interesting is we all pay attention to
different things so shout out what’s the
first thing that you notice about this
picture
Eiffel Tower
it’s not real anything else there’s no
right or wrong answer we’re all drawn to
looking at different things flowers what
else double-decker bus so notice we’re
getting very different quality of
answers but did anybody notice that it
said Paris in the this spring nope so
what actually happens is your brain will
delete the information because it’s
superfluous it doesn’t need it it was
there and so many things are in front of
us the whole time but depending on our
own internal filters which we’ve just
discovered are completely different and
unique to every single one of us because
of that we will delete information and
what’s really interesting is our brains
are designed to prove us right
imagine that think back to every
argument you’ve ever had so our brains
are designed to prove us right
but if our brains work in such a way
that it’s deleting information that’s
right in front of our face then how is
that going to get in the way of how we
actually make of the situation in front
of us how we interpret the experiences
how we decide whether somebody likes us
whether they’re picking on us whether
they’re just you know discriminating
against us whatever that may be if you
think somebody doesn’t like you for
example in your workplace your brain is
designed to only look for the clues all
of the the sync signals that confirm
that belief and it will actually leave
out anything that goes against that so
just think about that for a moment think
about the impact that that has on our
communications on our relationships but
also on how we feel how we feel about
ourselves how we feel about others so
our perception of a situation drives
how we feel and what we do so if you
wake up one day and you’re in a
glass-half-full mood well didn’t you did
go great you could wake up the exact
same day and that morning have a glass
half empty day and doesn’t everything go
wrong on that day and the reality is
it’s how you perceive it it’s how you
perceive it is being good or bad that
determines whether it is or it isn’t and
that’s your own unique version your
subjectiveness your version of reality
so what I’m going to try and attempt to
do in the four minutes and 11 seconds
that I’ve got left is to give you some
actually tangible tools that you can
take away and use to kind of use this
stuff to influence how you think feel
and behave and very much to influence
those of those around you as well so
there is something called language and
behavior preferences and with these
preferences what we can actually do that
visit there’s at least 12 of them there
aren’t there are some see there’s up to
60 what I’m going to do is introduce you
probably to only one of them so that’s
all I’ve got time for but this is really
interesting way of identifying what
we’re filtering so what are we leaving
out and we can see and hear this in
terms of our language and our behavior
and what is important about these things
is they reveal our values so that’s
what’s really important to us that
anyone come in any one time and in any
given context so the Train exercise was
an example of how our behavior shows us
what’s important to us and the really
interesting thing about this stuff is
there is no right or wrong
so for Joe and Paul they were both right
it’s about whether or not these things
are useful to you in any given context
and if they’re not useful to you so did
you notice Paul said he had absolute
admiration for anybody up there but I
bet Paul where you’re gone yeah does it
change your behavior Paul no I don’t
think so so it’s about what’s important
to us at any moment in time so what I
want you to do very very quickly it’s
gonna have to be super quick I want you
just to turn to the person next to you
and answer this just the top question I
want you to imagine you’re going to buy
a used car what would be important to
you and why’s that important
you’ve literally got 30 seconds to share
that if buying a used car what’s
important
okay if you don’t mind just finished any
conversations there because that clock
is now chicken in my head like the Carol
Vorderman countdown and I could hear
dududu ringing over and over in my head
so
somebody shout out what was your answer
make sure it works why is that what who
said that somewhere over here sorry I’m
blinded by the light and why is that
important to you because it’ll be a
what pardon okay so if it doesn’t work
you’d be devastated somebody else tell
me an answer
trust to reset us yet trust okay trust
okay and why is that important for it to
be long-lasting why is that important so
you can have it for a really long time
now you’re probably thinking why on
earth is she keep asking these questions
and I’ve got to tell you no offense I
was not interested at all in what you
thought about used cars what I’m
interested in is what motivates you and
the various examples that we’ve just
heard from each other some people are
motivated towards the things they want
some people are motivated to avoid the
things they don’t want so you don’t want
to waste your cash you want to have a
car for a very very long time what’s
really interesting is we can hear that
these things come out in our language in
our behavior so people with what we call
a move away from pattern they focus on
problems they want to fix things they’ll
talk about what problems they want to
avoid those people that are motivated by
what they want to achieve they focus on
their goals and if you focused on your
goals you usually know what you want now
if you’re having a conversation and
you’re at two sides of that spectrum it
will almost be like you’re on speaking
in a different you have not felt I try
with any one different wavelength that’s
what happens when we actually
of different ways of processing
information so over time I’m gonna just
leave you with one thing what can you do
with this stuff
listen out for your own preferences in
your language listen do you have a move
towards preference do you know much
better what you don’t want them what you
do want or do you have a preference you
know really clearly what you want think
about that and listen in other people’s
language because if you hear either of
these patterns and it’s the opposite of
your own if you want to communicate
really well with that person and try and
understand get on the same page with
them try speaking their language instead
of yours and see what happens thank you
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