[Applause]
are you someone who lets one thing good
or bad define you are you someone who
lets perceptions become who you really
are
are you true to yourself here’s the real
question are you writing your own story
and my grandpa’s funeral when I was
little my mom gave the eulogy within
that eulogy she had a piece to a poem by
John Donne called meditation 17 it read
when one man dies one chapter is not
torn out of the book but translated into
another language in every chapter must
be so translated God employs many
translators some right it’s translated
by age some by sickness some by war some
by justice but God is in every
translation and his hand shall bind up
all our scattered leaves for that
library where our book will I’ve opened
to another this poem was the first place
that I really started to think about our
lives as chapters it wasn’t entirely
clear right away but the more I thought
about it the more I understood it we’re
all a story a book if you will and we
all have different chapters within us
that make up our whole story without all
the chapters you don’t have the entire
story so what’s your story who are you
first let’s start with this boom I’m I’m
a singer a writer an actress a soccer
player a volleyball player a student a
daughter a granddaughter and niece a
cousin a friend to my math teacher
sitting in math class he’ll only know me
as his student he will never know me as
a singer or a writer to my soccer coach
at soccer practice he will only know me
as his student in his player he will
never know me as a daughter
granddaughter to my brother he will ever
only ever know me as a sibling he will
never know me as a daughter to them my
story is never really complete but to me
I’m still an actress a singer a writer
I’m everything that I’ve set my mind to
be I can choose to write my own story
and I can make my own ending it’s my
story so who are you what’s your story
and don’t tell me you don’t have one
because I know we’ve all about our own
novel out there somewhere but I guess
the real question isn’t what’s your
story it’s more hozier author is it you
or are you letting other people write
your story for you are you waiting for
me to say some cheesy thesis statement
that sounds like it came off with Google
well how about this start to be your own
author why because who you are is not
who they say you are I was reading a
book a little while ago called an egg
divided by Jennifer Nielsen it was a
really really wonderful book and I loved
it but as I was checking it out my
librarian told me how they had had a
copy of the book come in that was
missing a chapter she was never able to
find which copy in which chapter so if I
came across something like that I should
let her know so I was reading along and
of course it was my copy that had the
missing chapter but to be honest I
didn’t realize it at first I was
slightly confused from it because I
didn’t really understand everything that
was going on that’s when I realized that
I was had missed something I was trying
to make sense of this book but I didn’t
have all the information it was like
trying to put together a puzzle without
all the pieces the same sort of thing
can be said for our lives we all have we
all have chapters that make up who we
are but say you have a bad chapter does
that mean that chapter defines you we
all have pieces for a puzzle that we’d
like to throw away
coppy but without those pieces you don’t
have the full story so those pieces the
bad but maybe also the good they don’t
have to define you I’d like to say that
as authors to our books we’re also the
editors we have the power to rewrite the
parts we don’t like we have the power to
decide how our chapters come across we
can learn from our bad chapters and move
forward we don’t have to let them define
us you also can’t let those bad chapters
become excuses for example as some of
you might know exactly 364 days ago I
stood up here and gave my very first
TEDx speech I talked about a struggle I
had within my family when I was in sixth
grade at the time I’d been going to see
a family counselor she didn’t end up
doing much for me rather making me feel
even more frustrated than I already was
but I remember her telling me how people
whose parents struggled with alcoholism
were more likely to become alcoholics
themselves and I remember I felt as if
she was trying to tell me that because
one of my parents had this problem I was
going to turn out the same way coming
into TEDx 2018 I started to think about
that and how it related to my thoughts
about our chapters my family is just one
of my chapters to me it might be a
highly important but it’s still only one
it’s a chapter not a title so because my
family tree has had some flaws in it
that doesn’t mean somewhere along my
path I’m gonna screw up with that said
there are so many people who take bad
chapters like that and let them become
excuses they let them define their lives
in a completely different way
bad chapters are not excuses my father
struggled with alcoholism and
getting into counseling and rewriting
his future to rehabilitation if I took
with that family counselor said to heart
maybe later on in life if I began to
struggle with alcohol I could as many
others do blame it on my father’s impact
on me instead I’d like to think that
I’ve learned so much from my phone I’ve
shovels in the effect it had on me that
I would choose not to blame my future
failures on that there’s a little boy
that I babysit and he’s autistic is that
who he is does that define him but does
he have the power to write his own story
maybe because of that chapter that piece
his autism it’ll influence the other
chapters maybe because he has autism
he’ll look a little different and he’ll
act a little different above all I know
he thinks a little different but in what
world should it not be okay to have
differences differences are seldom
celebrated in our middle school world we
are judged and we judge each other on
various superficial things so much in
this day and age is decided among our
appearance at first glance when you look
at someone you know almost nothing about
them except what they look like to you
their story is missing all of its
chapters so mentally when we see someone
who we know almost nothing about we want
to fill in those missing pieces with
guesses to our own as to what they are
like first impression judgments like
this are how we get things like
stereotypes I did some research a few
weeks ago to try and test this out I
went to the mall with my dad and had
three different outfits with me looking
for people to answer one simple question
what were the first five things that
popped into your head when I approached
first I started simple and something
sporty-er the second outfit was all
black with children darker mascara the
third something L wear to school every
day ripped jeans and a flannel the
results of my experiment were almost
exactly what I had predicted before
carrying it out when wearing sporty or
things people guessed that I was into
sports and told me I looked
and happy overall it was generally easy
to get a handful of people to respond to
me other than the fact that some of them
were a little bit freaked out by the
fact that oh my god the human is
interacting with me after just a short
amount of time of gathering a handful of
responses I went to change into my
second outfit right away I noticed a lot
of differences people tended to stray
away from me when they would see me
walking towards them and more people
flat out said no when I asked them if
they would help me with the project it
felts a lot more judged with my third
outfit and it took me a lot longer to
get people to get me responses but
finally I was able to change into my
third outfit it went over almost as
easily as the first did but I heard two
things repeated quite frequently from
person to person as they told me that I
either looked like I was popular that I
looked like I had lots of friends I have
to admit this experiment brought on one
of the most awkward hours of my life I
felt hurt when people would turn me away
but most importantly I noticed a lot
about myself I tended to stray away from
asking people who creeped me out but
genuinely gave me the wrong vibe as much
as it seems pretty ironic to say it I
judged people quite a lot throughout
this experiment and I realized that
judging is something that comes
naturally to us everyone judges so to
get up here and talk about some remedy
to not judge would be ridiculous so
instead why don’t we start worrying
about how we react to judgement there
just stops right so why it’s why do we
spend so much time worrying about them
what people think doesn’t make up who
you are you can’t control people’s
thoughts but we can’t control our
reactions they want to go and make those
perceptions about you fine go ahead
let them one of the first steps to being
yourself is learning to not care what
other
people thing why because who you are is
not who they say you are do you know did
you notice how not one of the people
that I talked to said something about my
personality just by looking at me they
couldn’t guess that I was a singer or a
writer or an actress what they thought
of me solely depended on what I looked
like so as much as we preached you about
the whole don’t judge a book by its
cover thing the reality is not
everybody’s going to like the cover of a
book some people will notice different
things about the cover and some people
will just be too scared to pick up the
book if we were writing a book to sell
we would care what people thought about
it we would care what people wanted to
say about it but when we’re writing the
book of our lives we have to take what’s
important to us and edit around that we
shouldn’t be worrying about what other
people are gonna think it doesn’t matter
who you are is not who they say you are
I am the author I can be the editor the
illustrator and the publisher I can
choose how my story gets find it
together regardless of what other what
others think are saying it’s my story
there’s a true art and taking what
people think and not letting it define
you there are always gonna be people who
merely pick up your book and read the
synopsis they’ll never truly understand
your story to them if there are too many
chapters missing so why stress about
those skimmers why not just write your
book write your book edit your chapters
illustrate your cover and publish your
completed work wear that outfit you were
second-guessing try that new Club you
didn’t want to try talk to that person
and don’t care what they’ll think of it
because who you are is not who they say
[Applause] you
are you someone who lets one thing good
or bad define you are you someone who
lets perceptions become who you really
are
are you true to yourself here’s the real
question are you writing your own story
and my grandpa’s funeral when I was
little my mom gave the eulogy within
that eulogy she had a piece to a poem by
John Donne called meditation 17 it read
when one man dies one chapter is not
torn out of the book but translated into
another language in every chapter must
be so translated God employs many
translators some right it’s translated
by age some by sickness some by war some
by justice but God is in every
translation and his hand shall bind up
all our scattered leaves for that
library where our book will I’ve opened
to another this poem was the first place
that I really started to think about our
lives as chapters it wasn’t entirely
clear right away but the more I thought
about it the more I understood it we’re
all a story a book if you will and we
all have different chapters within us
that make up our whole story without all
the chapters you don’t have the entire
story so what’s your story who are you
first let’s start with this boom I’m I’m
a singer a writer an actress a soccer
player a volleyball player a student a
daughter a granddaughter and niece a
cousin a friend to my math teacher
sitting in math class he’ll only know me
as his student he will never know me as
a singer or a writer to my soccer coach
at soccer practice he will only know me
as his student in his player he will
never know me as a daughter
granddaughter to my brother he will ever
only ever know me as a sibling he will
never know me as a daughter to them my
story is never really complete but to me
I’m still an actress a singer a writer
I’m everything that I’ve set my mind to
be I can choose to write my own story
and I can make my own ending it’s my
story so who are you what’s your story
and don’t tell me you don’t have one
because I know we’ve all about our own
novel out there somewhere but I guess
the real question isn’t what’s your
story it’s more hozier author is it you
or are you letting other people write
your story for you are you waiting for
me to say some cheesy thesis statement
that sounds like it came off with Google
well how about this start to be your own
author why because who you are is not
who they say you are I was reading a
book a little while ago called an egg
divided by Jennifer Nielsen it was a
really really wonderful book and I loved
it but as I was checking it out my
librarian told me how they had had a
copy of the book come in that was
missing a chapter she was never able to
find which copy in which chapter so if I
came across something like that I should
let her know so I was reading along and
of course it was my copy that had the
missing chapter but to be honest I
didn’t realize it at first I was
slightly confused from it because I
didn’t really understand everything that
was going on that’s when I realized that
I was had missed something I was trying
to make sense of this book but I didn’t
have all the information it was like
trying to put together a puzzle without
all the pieces the same sort of thing
can be said for our lives we all have we
all have chapters that make up who we
are but say you have a bad chapter does
that mean that chapter defines you we
all have pieces for a puzzle that we’d
like to throw away
coppy but without those pieces you don’t
have the full story so those pieces the
bad but maybe also the good they don’t
have to define you I’d like to say that
as authors to our books we’re also the
editors we have the power to rewrite the
parts we don’t like we have the power to
decide how our chapters come across we
can learn from our bad chapters and move
forward we don’t have to let them define
us you also can’t let those bad chapters
become excuses for example as some of
you might know exactly 364 days ago I
stood up here and gave my very first
TEDx speech I talked about a struggle I
had within my family when I was in sixth
grade at the time I’d been going to see
a family counselor she didn’t end up
doing much for me rather making me feel
even more frustrated than I already was
but I remember her telling me how people
whose parents struggled with alcoholism
were more likely to become alcoholics
themselves and I remember I felt as if
she was trying to tell me that because
one of my parents had this problem I was
going to turn out the same way coming
into TEDx 2018 I started to think about
that and how it related to my thoughts
about our chapters my family is just one
of my chapters to me it might be a
highly important but it’s still only one
it’s a chapter not a title so because my
family tree has had some flaws in it
that doesn’t mean somewhere along my
path I’m gonna screw up with that said
there are so many people who take bad
chapters like that and let them become
excuses they let them define their lives
in a completely different way
bad chapters are not excuses my father
struggled with alcoholism and
getting into counseling and rewriting
his future to rehabilitation if I took
with that family counselor said to heart
maybe later on in life if I began to
struggle with alcohol I could as many
others do blame it on my father’s impact
on me instead I’d like to think that
I’ve learned so much from my phone I’ve
shovels in the effect it had on me that
I would choose not to blame my future
failures on that there’s a little boy
that I babysit and he’s autistic is that
who he is does that define him but does
he have the power to write his own story
maybe because of that chapter that piece
his autism it’ll influence the other
chapters maybe because he has autism
he’ll look a little different and he’ll
act a little different above all I know
he thinks a little different but in what
world should it not be okay to have
differences differences are seldom
celebrated in our middle school world we
are judged and we judge each other on
various superficial things so much in
this day and age is decided among our
appearance at first glance when you look
at someone you know almost nothing about
them except what they look like to you
their story is missing all of its
chapters so mentally when we see someone
who we know almost nothing about we want
to fill in those missing pieces with
guesses to our own as to what they are
like first impression judgments like
this are how we get things like
stereotypes I did some research a few
weeks ago to try and test this out I
went to the mall with my dad and had
three different outfits with me looking
for people to answer one simple question
what were the first five things that
popped into your head when I approached
first I started simple and something
sporty-er the second outfit was all
black with children darker mascara the
third something L wear to school every
day ripped jeans and a flannel the
results of my experiment were almost
exactly what I had predicted before
carrying it out when wearing sporty or
things people guessed that I was into
sports and told me I looked
and happy overall it was generally easy
to get a handful of people to respond to
me other than the fact that some of them
were a little bit freaked out by the
fact that oh my god the human is
interacting with me after just a short
amount of time of gathering a handful of
responses I went to change into my
second outfit right away I noticed a lot
of differences people tended to stray
away from me when they would see me
walking towards them and more people
flat out said no when I asked them if
they would help me with the project it
felts a lot more judged with my third
outfit and it took me a lot longer to
get people to get me responses but
finally I was able to change into my
third outfit it went over almost as
easily as the first did but I heard two
things repeated quite frequently from
person to person as they told me that I
either looked like I was popular that I
looked like I had lots of friends I have
to admit this experiment brought on one
of the most awkward hours of my life I
felt hurt when people would turn me away
but most importantly I noticed a lot
about myself I tended to stray away from
asking people who creeped me out but
genuinely gave me the wrong vibe as much
as it seems pretty ironic to say it I
judged people quite a lot throughout
this experiment and I realized that
judging is something that comes
naturally to us everyone judges so to
get up here and talk about some remedy
to not judge would be ridiculous so
instead why don’t we start worrying
about how we react to judgement there
just stops right so why it’s why do we
spend so much time worrying about them
what people think doesn’t make up who
you are you can’t control people’s
thoughts but we can’t control our
reactions they want to go and make those
perceptions about you fine go ahead
let them one of the first steps to being
yourself is learning to not care what
other
people thing why because who you are is
not who they say you are do you know did
you notice how not one of the people
that I talked to said something about my
personality just by looking at me they
couldn’t guess that I was a singer or a
writer or an actress what they thought
of me solely depended on what I looked
like so as much as we preached you about
the whole don’t judge a book by its
cover thing the reality is not
everybody’s going to like the cover of a
book some people will notice different
things about the cover and some people
will just be too scared to pick up the
book if we were writing a book to sell
we would care what people thought about
it we would care what people wanted to
say about it but when we’re writing the
book of our lives we have to take what’s
important to us and edit around that we
shouldn’t be worrying about what other
people are gonna think it doesn’t matter
who you are is not who they say you are
I am the author I can be the editor the
illustrator and the publisher I can
choose how my story gets find it
together regardless of what other what
others think are saying it’s my story
there’s a true art and taking what
people think and not letting it define
you there are always gonna be people who
merely pick up your book and read the
synopsis they’ll never truly understand
your story to them if there are too many
chapters missing so why stress about
those skimmers why not just write your
book write your book edit your chapters
illustrate your cover and publish your
completed work wear that outfit you were
second-guessing try that new Club you
didn’t want to try talk to that person
and don’t care what they’ll think of it
because who you are is not who they say
[Applause] you
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