[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
I have no stories of fancy places no
idea that’s gonna cure anything no
history of hard times that’s going to
make anybody cry what I do have is
myself and that is enough this is an
exercise in realizing we are not as lost
as we think we are so most of my life
has spent and predominantly
predominantly white schools half of my
family is white and eventually
everywhere I went I was the other even
when I was surrounded by black people I
was the other I went from this to this
and one year and it stayed that way for
a while I’d like to know that this
picture is from the first school I
transferred to and out of the 42 43
students we had at least 13 who were
black the most out of most its most of
the schools that followed and so I
didn’t have the language to understand
what was happening to me cousins making
fun of my dark skin was just Tuesday
white people asking me where I learned
to speak was just curiosity and kids
calling me the n-word
they were jerks but it was still just
Tuesday I just didn’t know what to do I
think because I existed and aggressively
homogeneous spaces
I thought these experiences were unique
to me and so I knew I wasn’t supposed to
like myself and I didn’t I remember
trying to pour bleach on my skin because
people told me I was too dark I remember
trying to scrub as hard as I could
because people told me I was covered in
dirt and as a result I have very soft
skin but it left me with some pretty
deep invisible scars I had a vague
understanding of what was happening I
knew what was being said wasn’t okay I
knew there was a problem but I thought
it was me and like most problems I had
growing up I didn’t think there was
anything I could have done about it
power was located outside of myself and
it was going to take me a while to
realize I could have taken it back so
whenever someone called me the wrong
name
or sent me death threats or said I was
pretty for a black girl it felt familiar
but it would hurt more because I would
remember each time it happened before
then so this past fall I was introduced
to the idea of emotional memory
remembering a situation an event or a
person can often trigger both good and
bad emotional responses they serve as a
guide to move forward so for example if
you eat something that makes you sick
you are likely to avoid that food in the
future but then also think about the
time that made you sick whenever you see
it or if you have a bad experience in a
relationship you may start to grow weary
if similar signs start to show what
someone knew and to protect ourselves we
may try to apply that same principle of
avoidance to feature relationships Toni
Morrison provides another definition of
emotional memory through an analogy of
water she says when we say flooding we
really mean remembering the water is
remembering where it used to be and is
always trying to get back to where it
was
she says writers remember – it’s an
emotional memory that is deeply embedded
in the body the skin the nerves even the
muscle I think all people are like that
as kids we subconsciously pick up pieces
of our environments we respond and
reflect and react to what we’ve been
given so when people call me names or
say that I am pretty for a black girl
and get offended by me not appreciating
their compliment I have to understand
that they may not realize that this is
not the first time I’ve heard it and it
also isn’t the last time and I can’t
avoid these situations so they start to
build up another way you can look at
emotional memories through my time here
at Middlebury even though I’ve been here
for two and a half years most days I
question whether or not I belong here
and so if I’m walking around during
parents weekend or sitting in rooms
surrounded by paintings of past
presidents there are constant reminders
that this place was not made for me and
this gets internalized so when I’m
walking around and someone’s parent
comes up to
and says excuse me are you a student
here I already know what’s about to
happen when they ask me if I like it
here what I think I stop I look away
and I start off with yeah yeah it’s it’s
Middlebury I do this to buy time I don’t
know what they’re looking for I don’t
know what type of answer I feel like
giving to them I just know that I feel
uncomfortable but I can’t avoid these
situations and after what feels like
hundreds of talks and questions from
people who don’t seem to care to
understand I just I don’t know what to
do now going off of this idea of
emotional memories generational memory
so a picture of my great-grandmother
right here is a great depiction of our
relationship either she’s smiling I’m
not or I’m smiling and she’s not so ever
since she found out I was coming to
Middlebury she has never failed to tell
me about her time in school she went to
Natchez College which is a private
historically black college in Natchez
Mississippi it was founded in 1885 she
even went on a full-ride I know it meant
a lot for a black woman to go to college
and Mississippi during her time and so
there are a lot of parallels between our
journeys to and through college her
journey is defined by the people she met
people who supported her and even people
she didn’t really get along with instead
of telling me about the experiences she
tells me about the people who made them
up hearing her stories makes me feel a
little less lost at Middlebury from her
I learned how to navigate rough places
from her I learned how to be grateful of
where I am
while not tolerating mistreatment at the
same time this is just one example of
generational memory I feel like I know
things I never learned or experienced a
brighter example of this would be the
talk and so when I say the talk I know
everyone in here has a different
understanding depending on their
background while my parents never had to
talk with me I’ve come to realize that
it consists of
more than how to act with police for
some it is how to survive predominantly
white spaces for others it is how to act
in public because in more visible either
way it’s all about how to keep from
getting lost another way to look at
generational memory as how generations
are shaped by history my generation is
characterized by sensitivity snowflakes
political correctness the terms go on
we’re also characterized by ruining
markets from chain restaurants to
department stores whether this is rifle
or not you cannot deny that the world
seems to be changing every day at the
same time there is truth to the quote
the more things change the more it stays
the same every day there is something
new and we have to respond together
together we are cultivating this
generational memory and document to get
on shared platforms it is here we
learned we are not alone it is here we
find solutions to problems that exist
somewhere and if we don’t find the
solution we at least find some
motivation or inspiration to make our
own and so what I’ve learned from
generational memory is I am NOT as lost
as I think I am I’ve been here before
whether I remember it or not whether it
was my mother or hers I have the
generational and the emotional memory
and I am never alone here I left the
body remember I’ll let the floods return
and realize work was done to get me here
on this stage and if I want to go
nowhere to go next if I want to know how
to get there I have to be prepared to
know what made me and where I come from
a crisis isn’t just a crisis if we’ve
been there before this makes me think of
James Baldwin who says everything is
always changing and the measure of our
maturity as men and as Nations that’s
how well-prepared we are to meet these
changes and further use them for our
health what does this even mean what is
James Baldwin have to do with me or my
great-grandmother how can we apply
emotional memory to our health as
nations and as men
I think a working example of this would
be education it is always in crisis and
I think I think most of us can agree
that the purpose of the education system
should be to prepare students for what
they may face whether that be as a
generation or as individuals
however education is always the first to
be cut in the last to be considered
often at the expense of students and so
when people say I can’t believe what is
happening in the education system my
response is how can you not believe it
we have seen this before and you didn’t
have to have lift through No Child Left
Behind or common core standards to
understand the crisis in schools have
less to do with the schools themselves
than poverty segregation the way schools
are funded and other issues that are
heavily tied to history history that
does not change
let’s see you Chicago as an example from
budget cuts to TIF funds to school
closings Chicago Public Schools are a
mess and so in 2012 during the Chicago
Teachers strike the whole nation watched
I was able to stand at the front lines
with my teachers and my approach to
education changed forever what the
strike was about and what it meant to me
took a while to solidify but through
conversations with my teachers I
realized that I have more control over
my education than I thought I also
realized that they were more than the
people who just stood at the front of
the classroom I came to know and to
loved him one of the most important
lessons I learned was education is more
than high school more than something I
have to do I also learned that we need
to listen to the experts in this case
teachers the issues of the past are the
issues of today and will continue to be
that way and last something changes from
this we see children receiving the same
messages such as the talk or how do you
survive in an education system that is
meant to fail them and sometimes I sit
here and I don’t know where to go next
but then I sit here and I realize that
if we
seen the facts of poverty and
segregation on the education system why
are the issues still there if children
are coming with the same circumstances
and coming with the same memory why are
the problems still there
of course these questions are rhetorical
what we should be asking is how can we
use these memories to move forward and
get it right sometimes emotional and
generational memory won’t work together
to give the same answer I work at the
student-run cafe on campus and last
spring during preview days I was opening
alone while we open at 9:30 when I got
there at 9:00 there was a crowd of
people waiting for me by 9:45 the line
it was at the door everybody wanted
lattes and for me to tell them about my
experience here and so for the first few
I was polite service with a smile by the
fifth I just wanted to make lattes by
the seventh I did I really did not know
what to do
I had emotional memory on one side
telling me to tell them what they wanted
to hear
make your lattes and go home on the
other side
I had generational memory telling me to
tell the truth and to respect people
older than myself I did choose emotional
memory and a shift went by a lot quicker
I don’t know if I regret it or not and
so sometimes these memories are poles
that pull you at the same time for some
people this makes them feel lost but I
think if you have an option what type of
person are you going to be how are you
going to move forward what is going to
get you through right now there’s at
least a way to go we are not as lost as
we think we are emotional and
generational memory exists for a reason
so during my senior year of high school
I took African American Lit with one of
the most extraordinary people I have
ever met April Coleman and while I
learned a lot in her class the phrase I
repeat to myself whenever I feel lost is
everything you need is everything you
have sometimes when the poles are
pulling and my memories are at odds I
realize they are both part of me and I
cannot go wrong
we are not as lost as we think we are
is this an idea that’s going to cure
everything no but it may help you find
it thank you
[Applause]
[Applause]
[Music]
I have no stories of fancy places no
idea that’s gonna cure anything no
history of hard times that’s going to
make anybody cry what I do have is
myself and that is enough this is an
exercise in realizing we are not as lost
as we think we are so most of my life
has spent and predominantly
predominantly white schools half of my
family is white and eventually
everywhere I went I was the other even
when I was surrounded by black people I
was the other I went from this to this
and one year and it stayed that way for
a while I’d like to know that this
picture is from the first school I
transferred to and out of the 42 43
students we had at least 13 who were
black the most out of most its most of
the schools that followed and so I
didn’t have the language to understand
what was happening to me cousins making
fun of my dark skin was just Tuesday
white people asking me where I learned
to speak was just curiosity and kids
calling me the n-word
they were jerks but it was still just
Tuesday I just didn’t know what to do I
think because I existed and aggressively
homogeneous spaces
I thought these experiences were unique
to me and so I knew I wasn’t supposed to
like myself and I didn’t I remember
trying to pour bleach on my skin because
people told me I was too dark I remember
trying to scrub as hard as I could
because people told me I was covered in
dirt and as a result I have very soft
skin but it left me with some pretty
deep invisible scars I had a vague
understanding of what was happening I
knew what was being said wasn’t okay I
knew there was a problem but I thought
it was me and like most problems I had
growing up I didn’t think there was
anything I could have done about it
power was located outside of myself and
it was going to take me a while to
realize I could have taken it back so
whenever someone called me the wrong
name
or sent me death threats or said I was
pretty for a black girl it felt familiar
but it would hurt more because I would
remember each time it happened before
then so this past fall I was introduced
to the idea of emotional memory
remembering a situation an event or a
person can often trigger both good and
bad emotional responses they serve as a
guide to move forward so for example if
you eat something that makes you sick
you are likely to avoid that food in the
future but then also think about the
time that made you sick whenever you see
it or if you have a bad experience in a
relationship you may start to grow weary
if similar signs start to show what
someone knew and to protect ourselves we
may try to apply that same principle of
avoidance to feature relationships Toni
Morrison provides another definition of
emotional memory through an analogy of
water she says when we say flooding we
really mean remembering the water is
remembering where it used to be and is
always trying to get back to where it
was
she says writers remember – it’s an
emotional memory that is deeply embedded
in the body the skin the nerves even the
muscle I think all people are like that
as kids we subconsciously pick up pieces
of our environments we respond and
reflect and react to what we’ve been
given so when people call me names or
say that I am pretty for a black girl
and get offended by me not appreciating
their compliment I have to understand
that they may not realize that this is
not the first time I’ve heard it and it
also isn’t the last time and I can’t
avoid these situations so they start to
build up another way you can look at
emotional memories through my time here
at Middlebury even though I’ve been here
for two and a half years most days I
question whether or not I belong here
and so if I’m walking around during
parents weekend or sitting in rooms
surrounded by paintings of past
presidents there are constant reminders
that this place was not made for me and
this gets internalized so when I’m
walking around and someone’s parent
comes up to
and says excuse me are you a student
here I already know what’s about to
happen when they ask me if I like it
here what I think I stop I look away
and I start off with yeah yeah it’s it’s
Middlebury I do this to buy time I don’t
know what they’re looking for I don’t
know what type of answer I feel like
giving to them I just know that I feel
uncomfortable but I can’t avoid these
situations and after what feels like
hundreds of talks and questions from
people who don’t seem to care to
understand I just I don’t know what to
do now going off of this idea of
emotional memories generational memory
so a picture of my great-grandmother
right here is a great depiction of our
relationship either she’s smiling I’m
not or I’m smiling and she’s not so ever
since she found out I was coming to
Middlebury she has never failed to tell
me about her time in school she went to
Natchez College which is a private
historically black college in Natchez
Mississippi it was founded in 1885 she
even went on a full-ride I know it meant
a lot for a black woman to go to college
and Mississippi during her time and so
there are a lot of parallels between our
journeys to and through college her
journey is defined by the people she met
people who supported her and even people
she didn’t really get along with instead
of telling me about the experiences she
tells me about the people who made them
up hearing her stories makes me feel a
little less lost at Middlebury from her
I learned how to navigate rough places
from her I learned how to be grateful of
where I am
while not tolerating mistreatment at the
same time this is just one example of
generational memory I feel like I know
things I never learned or experienced a
brighter example of this would be the
talk and so when I say the talk I know
everyone in here has a different
understanding depending on their
background while my parents never had to
talk with me I’ve come to realize that
it consists of
more than how to act with police for
some it is how to survive predominantly
white spaces for others it is how to act
in public because in more visible either
way it’s all about how to keep from
getting lost another way to look at
generational memory as how generations
are shaped by history my generation is
characterized by sensitivity snowflakes
political correctness the terms go on
we’re also characterized by ruining
markets from chain restaurants to
department stores whether this is rifle
or not you cannot deny that the world
seems to be changing every day at the
same time there is truth to the quote
the more things change the more it stays
the same every day there is something
new and we have to respond together
together we are cultivating this
generational memory and document to get
on shared platforms it is here we
learned we are not alone it is here we
find solutions to problems that exist
somewhere and if we don’t find the
solution we at least find some
motivation or inspiration to make our
own and so what I’ve learned from
generational memory is I am NOT as lost
as I think I am I’ve been here before
whether I remember it or not whether it
was my mother or hers I have the
generational and the emotional memory
and I am never alone here I left the
body remember I’ll let the floods return
and realize work was done to get me here
on this stage and if I want to go
nowhere to go next if I want to know how
to get there I have to be prepared to
know what made me and where I come from
a crisis isn’t just a crisis if we’ve
been there before this makes me think of
James Baldwin who says everything is
always changing and the measure of our
maturity as men and as Nations that’s
how well-prepared we are to meet these
changes and further use them for our
health what does this even mean what is
James Baldwin have to do with me or my
great-grandmother how can we apply
emotional memory to our health as
nations and as men
I think a working example of this would
be education it is always in crisis and
I think I think most of us can agree
that the purpose of the education system
should be to prepare students for what
they may face whether that be as a
generation or as individuals
however education is always the first to
be cut in the last to be considered
often at the expense of students and so
when people say I can’t believe what is
happening in the education system my
response is how can you not believe it
we have seen this before and you didn’t
have to have lift through No Child Left
Behind or common core standards to
understand the crisis in schools have
less to do with the schools themselves
than poverty segregation the way schools
are funded and other issues that are
heavily tied to history history that
does not change
let’s see you Chicago as an example from
budget cuts to TIF funds to school
closings Chicago Public Schools are a
mess and so in 2012 during the Chicago
Teachers strike the whole nation watched
I was able to stand at the front lines
with my teachers and my approach to
education changed forever what the
strike was about and what it meant to me
took a while to solidify but through
conversations with my teachers I
realized that I have more control over
my education than I thought I also
realized that they were more than the
people who just stood at the front of
the classroom I came to know and to
loved him one of the most important
lessons I learned was education is more
than high school more than something I
have to do I also learned that we need
to listen to the experts in this case
teachers the issues of the past are the
issues of today and will continue to be
that way and last something changes from
this we see children receiving the same
messages such as the talk or how do you
survive in an education system that is
meant to fail them and sometimes I sit
here and I don’t know where to go next
but then I sit here and I realize that
if we
seen the facts of poverty and
segregation on the education system why
are the issues still there if children
are coming with the same circumstances
and coming with the same memory why are
the problems still there
of course these questions are rhetorical
what we should be asking is how can we
use these memories to move forward and
get it right sometimes emotional and
generational memory won’t work together
to give the same answer I work at the
student-run cafe on campus and last
spring during preview days I was opening
alone while we open at 9:30 when I got
there at 9:00 there was a crowd of
people waiting for me by 9:45 the line
it was at the door everybody wanted
lattes and for me to tell them about my
experience here and so for the first few
I was polite service with a smile by the
fifth I just wanted to make lattes by
the seventh I did I really did not know
what to do
I had emotional memory on one side
telling me to tell them what they wanted
to hear
make your lattes and go home on the
other side
I had generational memory telling me to
tell the truth and to respect people
older than myself I did choose emotional
memory and a shift went by a lot quicker
I don’t know if I regret it or not and
so sometimes these memories are poles
that pull you at the same time for some
people this makes them feel lost but I
think if you have an option what type of
person are you going to be how are you
going to move forward what is going to
get you through right now there’s at
least a way to go we are not as lost as
we think we are emotional and
generational memory exists for a reason
so during my senior year of high school
I took African American Lit with one of
the most extraordinary people I have
ever met April Coleman and while I
learned a lot in her class the phrase I
repeat to myself whenever I feel lost is
everything you need is everything you
have sometimes when the poles are
pulling and my memories are at odds I
realize they are both part of me and I
cannot go wrong
we are not as lost as we think we are
is this an idea that’s going to cure
everything no but it may help you find
it thank you
[Applause]
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