depression general anxiety and a panic
disorder that is not your usual
introduction to a person I usually start
with my name or a quirky fact I want to
talk to you about what I have unlearned
about mental illness a panic attack as
described by the Mayo Clinic which is a
non-profit medical research organization
is the sudden episode of intense fear
which triggers severe physical reactions
when there is no real danger or apparent
cause when I have a panic attack it
begins with an overwhelming dullness of
doom a dark dimension of dream I thought
that panic attacks were a gossipy
dramatization of stress I thought that
everybody had panic attacks I thought
that panic attacks were a little
outburst of discomfort I have learned
otherwise
the most common way a panic attack is
described by people who have them is
that it feels like you are dying when I
was in 10th grade I went through a
period of about eight months where I was
having approximately one panic attack
every day every day felt like
hyperventilating my way into purgatory I
started going to therapy when I was in
tenth grade I was asked to create a TED
talk about mental illness at this time I
was still locked in my dark movie
theatre of suicidal thoughts it’s two
years later I’m going to graduate in the
spring and I now have a platform to
reflect and discuss what I have learned
about mental illness all of what I knew
about mental illness what was pounded
into my head through popular culture
I had to unlearn i unlearned
Aereo types of therapy by being in
therapy now that’s not to say that the
only way to unlearn stereotypes of
mental illness is to be in therapy
awareness is another strategy developing
awareness of mental illness can help us
break down stereotypes forty million US
adults suffer from an anxiety disorder I
had been born with bad genetics my
genetic makeup is the fuel for my brain
chemistry led by a family history of
depression just as easily my genes
predispose me to having medical problems
with my thyroid gland that hypothetical
is just as real as my reality of mental
illness when I was in eighth grade my
family spent Christmas at a river camp
in Borneo Disney orangutangs I was 14
years old and my mom told me that her
father killed himself when she was 19 in
college that was the very first time I
had ever talked about what suicide was
with an adult and now his existence one
that I had never known was tarnished
with scandal and secrecy he was no
longer the intelligent radiologist with
a love for the Colorado wilderness he
was just a man who killed himself he was
a man who was depressed and killed
Zipporah likes neuro melatonin after two
months stopped taking several excellent
switch to alexia switch enrolled
lamotrigine with increasing dosage of 50
milligrams switch to 75 milligrams of
lyrica at 40 milligrams of a glock
switch alexia to prozac increased liriko
to 75 milligrams per day the switch lira
could decide practices that prex are not
working well switch to abilify
immediately drop abilify it causes
akathisia dosage now remains 40
milligrams of Prozac in 37.5 milligrams
of Agalloch taken once a day in the
medication takes a really long time to
stabilize it took me about a year until
I found the right dosage of mood
stabilizers and antidepressants that
worked for my body I reacted so
extremely that I developed habits of
self-harm and suicidal thoughts I was
becoming my grandfather I was no longer
the politically involved theater kid I
was just mentally ill everybody who
suffers from a mental illness is more
than just their illness just like
someone with lung cancer or broken leg
is more than their physical health
problems the difference is just that in
our society we acknowledge those who are
permanently or temporarily physically
disabled because we see it mental
illness comes with very few physical
manifestations that can be viewed by the
public mental illness is so ambiguous
mental illness comes with the burden of
shame commonly from your community this
is also something that we have to
unlearn I was an anxious toddler I was
anxious in elementary school I was
definitely anxious in middle school and
I am anxious now we are taught that if
someone is anxious we have to make them
not anxious this language of fixing is
something that we have to unlearn my
goal is not to try to get rid of my
mental illness my goal is to live as
long as I am naturally able with my
mental illness my goal is to be healthy
for me something that I have learned to
be very dangerous are the negative
stereotypes that our society places on
mental illness my grandfather was sick
my grandfather died
the danger that these stereotypes places
on people who are suffering from mental
illness is that it ostracize is people
who feel chronic loneliness I would lie
that I had taken my medication I would
lie about self-harm and I would lie
about suicidal thoughts to avoid
judgment we need to start talking about
mental illness in a way that is not
judgemental or clinical we we need to
start talking about mental illness as a
health issue and there are productive
ways to have these conversations
self-harm and suicide are sexualized and
romanticized on social media websites
like Tumblr and Instagram through the
catalyst of teenage girls razor thin
scars on a girl’s arm captured in a
field of flowers with the hashtag
self-harm and suicide mental illness is
not an aesthetic it’s called an illness
for a reason it’s not sexy it’s not sexy
not being able to sleep because of your
medication or having your mother monitor
your showers for razors it is not sexy
mental illness is not an aesthetic
triggers are not a joke I am so lucky my
parents were able to afford a therapist
who supports me my community adapted to
my needs the fact that I go to a school
that literally gave me a platform to
reflect and discuss what I have learned
about mental illness shows how
privileged I am to try to begin to grasp
at the relatively ambiguous concepts of
mental illness we first need to be open
to being wrong we need to be open and
vulnerable to living our lives with the
awareness of issues of mental illness
within our community I had to unlearn my
initial reaction of finding out that my
grandfather killed himself
it is not easy to change our
perspectives of mental illness it comes
with the pushback of our society but in
doing so you are making the world a
little bit easier for somebody else to
exist in so let’s be open to unlearning
thank you [Applause]