[Applause]
my face is hot and my brows are
furrowing over my eyes room oh are you
serious
I just that 30 minutes jumping my car
yesterday
forever is composed of now’s Emily
Dickinson it’s crucial to understand
that life is made up of tons and tons of
little moments to be happy sad excited
mad these are all to be felt in moments
and underlying in all of these momentary
feelings should hopefully be a state of
contentment to be content is to exist in
peace but this is the difficult part
it’s after school and I sit in my
backyard fun this with my sister Kathy
we’re painting on huge canvases forever
standing the cement table they’re
meeting against she’s got the paintbrush
in her mouth and our art is simply
abstract I can feel the cold paint it
was out of its tube in between my
fingers as I quickly smacked the canvas
before trips on me or the ground any
more than it already has
Cathy laughed at me as I turned from the
canvas to her and start making
handprints all over her arms and legs
it’s later now and we’re going to have a
thing over my dad hoists Cassie into her
bed with all of her Care Bears while I’m
around the house trying to gather as
many pillows and blankets as I can find
to make a bed on her floor as I snuggle
in she starts to tell me a spooky story
but once she falls asleep I sneak out of
my pillow fortress and go back to my
room because the lights and sounds that
ventilator make in the dark scare me
Kathy you know what Cassie is a
quadriplegic
due to a series of events starting with
a call a meningitis as a premature baby
to the surgery paralyzing her at 6 years
old so she gets around on a power chair
with a sip and blow straw and receive
spread support from a ventilator
but despite this she’s still the most
exuberant and sassy person that I know
and sometimes she does well others she
doesn’t and you don’t really get to
choose the time that you spend with her
you have to allow the moment to come and
hold you and take you on whatever
adventure awaits I try to hold this
close in my heart feeling the moments
carry me as humans we all share similar
fears the fear of Conformity stress lack
of motivation lack of purpose and
there’s no one there beside you telling
you what’s right and what’s wrong and
what you should pursue other than your
own conscience and that’s scary to get
anything done and done well you have to
go out on a whim and jump in full
heartedly just hoping to lean nicely and
sometimes we do but sometimes we do not
as important as success is the failure
is even more significant it’s what
brings us to the moment we’re in not
where we were or hope to be it’s a
reality check to show us what works and
what doesn’t and where we should take
the next step so even if there’s no
Wizard of knowledge standing beside you
shaking their finger and nodding their
head
you’ve got your experiences guiding you
calming that stress and holding you here
right here in this moment so how do you
do this it’s one thing to say this is
how it should be but another to really
make it happen often you hear time moves
fast it’ll sweep by you quicker than you
think
but I choose to neglect these statements
when you’re in autumn of mine
you forget where you’re supposed to be
you’re rushing and worrying and hurrying
and you left the present behind and then
what what do you have when you’re
constantly concerned with what you had
or what you want you lose your sense of
self and stable mind I see life in slow
motion I don’t think it happens quickly
at all I try my best to stop and think
before I do anything or even anything
happens to me this is not easy living
detta I have with my filter fuel pump in
my 1997 Toyota rav4 is a good example
that I still struggle with this but it’s
really quite simple once you start to
see things in fragments when I think
about the time that I spend with my
sister I imagine it into fragments it’s
more realistic this way because that’s
how life really happens it is not fast
and cohesive as everyone wants to make
it out to be it is slow and choppy with
downward slopes and mighty Hills if you
approach the day with a sure and gradual
pace the day will do the same and you
can watch each moment arrive think about
it and then act in it this way you’re
more confident and patient and what
you’re doing and how you’re doing it and
look for your brakes ride traffic lights
or the line at the grocery store or the
bank or even your car not starting life
hands you brakes so that you can take a
step back and breathe and think before
you even have to step in these are
lessons that I learned through the time
I spend with my sister like I said
before she’s not always doing so well
and it
really take a toll on you living on that
constant edge of frailty but it just
goes to show that you need to take
advantage of the moment you do have with
peaceful contentment and remembering to
just breathe because you never know if
the moment you’re in will be your last
On January 1st 2008 I focus on a life
other than mine cassie is 13 now and
she’s been in and out of the hospital
for the past few months
her staph infection has taken over her
body and is shutting down her organs one
by one I’m on top of the UCSF Medical
Center watching some nearby New Year’s
fireworks Wow Cassie sleeps in a
hospital bed a few floors below meet
with my mom and dad by her side my nose
is cold and running with San Francisco’s
night air biting at me but in this
moment I feel some foreign peace that I
haven’t gotten to meet in some time as I
wake up the next morning my mom calls
everyone into her room and she sits us
on the bed in front of her I can see
that her eyes are red and puffy and I
can feel a lump begin to form in my
throat I know something is wrong and I
pray that I can see Cassie after this
but my mom continues to speak in a
trembling voice Cassie has passed
and her last breath was my opportunity
to just breathe thank you
[Applause]
my face is hot and my brows are
furrowing over my eyes room oh are you
serious
I just that 30 minutes jumping my car
yesterday
forever is composed of now’s Emily
Dickinson it’s crucial to understand
that life is made up of tons and tons of
little moments to be happy sad excited
mad these are all to be felt in moments
and underlying in all of these momentary
feelings should hopefully be a state of
contentment to be content is to exist in
peace but this is the difficult part
it’s after school and I sit in my
backyard fun this with my sister Kathy
we’re painting on huge canvases forever
standing the cement table they’re
meeting against she’s got the paintbrush
in her mouth and our art is simply
abstract I can feel the cold paint it
was out of its tube in between my
fingers as I quickly smacked the canvas
before trips on me or the ground any
more than it already has
Cathy laughed at me as I turned from the
canvas to her and start making
handprints all over her arms and legs
it’s later now and we’re going to have a
thing over my dad hoists Cassie into her
bed with all of her Care Bears while I’m
around the house trying to gather as
many pillows and blankets as I can find
to make a bed on her floor as I snuggle
in she starts to tell me a spooky story
but once she falls asleep I sneak out of
my pillow fortress and go back to my
room because the lights and sounds that
ventilator make in the dark scare me
Kathy you know what Cassie is a
quadriplegic
due to a series of events starting with
a call a meningitis as a premature baby
to the surgery paralyzing her at 6 years
old so she gets around on a power chair
with a sip and blow straw and receive
spread support from a ventilator
but despite this she’s still the most
exuberant and sassy person that I know
and sometimes she does well others she
doesn’t and you don’t really get to
choose the time that you spend with her
you have to allow the moment to come and
hold you and take you on whatever
adventure awaits I try to hold this
close in my heart feeling the moments
carry me as humans we all share similar
fears the fear of Conformity stress lack
of motivation lack of purpose and
there’s no one there beside you telling
you what’s right and what’s wrong and
what you should pursue other than your
own conscience and that’s scary to get
anything done and done well you have to
go out on a whim and jump in full
heartedly just hoping to lean nicely and
sometimes we do but sometimes we do not
as important as success is the failure
is even more significant it’s what
brings us to the moment we’re in not
where we were or hope to be it’s a
reality check to show us what works and
what doesn’t and where we should take
the next step so even if there’s no
Wizard of knowledge standing beside you
shaking their finger and nodding their
head
you’ve got your experiences guiding you
calming that stress and holding you here
right here in this moment so how do you
do this it’s one thing to say this is
how it should be but another to really
make it happen often you hear time moves
fast it’ll sweep by you quicker than you
think
but I choose to neglect these statements
when you’re in autumn of mine
you forget where you’re supposed to be
you’re rushing and worrying and hurrying
and you left the present behind and then
what what do you have when you’re
constantly concerned with what you had
or what you want you lose your sense of
self and stable mind I see life in slow
motion I don’t think it happens quickly
at all I try my best to stop and think
before I do anything or even anything
happens to me this is not easy living
detta I have with my filter fuel pump in
my 1997 Toyota rav4 is a good example
that I still struggle with this but it’s
really quite simple once you start to
see things in fragments when I think
about the time that I spend with my
sister I imagine it into fragments it’s
more realistic this way because that’s
how life really happens it is not fast
and cohesive as everyone wants to make
it out to be it is slow and choppy with
downward slopes and mighty Hills if you
approach the day with a sure and gradual
pace the day will do the same and you
can watch each moment arrive think about
it and then act in it this way you’re
more confident and patient and what
you’re doing and how you’re doing it and
look for your brakes ride traffic lights
or the line at the grocery store or the
bank or even your car not starting life
hands you brakes so that you can take a
step back and breathe and think before
you even have to step in these are
lessons that I learned through the time
I spend with my sister like I said
before she’s not always doing so well
and it
really take a toll on you living on that
constant edge of frailty but it just
goes to show that you need to take
advantage of the moment you do have with
peaceful contentment and remembering to
just breathe because you never know if
the moment you’re in will be your last
On January 1st 2008 I focus on a life
other than mine cassie is 13 now and
she’s been in and out of the hospital
for the past few months
her staph infection has taken over her
body and is shutting down her organs one
by one I’m on top of the UCSF Medical
Center watching some nearby New Year’s
fireworks Wow Cassie sleeps in a
hospital bed a few floors below meet
with my mom and dad by her side my nose
is cold and running with San Francisco’s
night air biting at me but in this
moment I feel some foreign peace that I
haven’t gotten to meet in some time as I
wake up the next morning my mom calls
everyone into her room and she sits us
on the bed in front of her I can see
that her eyes are red and puffy and I
can feel a lump begin to form in my
throat I know something is wrong and I
pray that I can see Cassie after this
but my mom continues to speak in a
trembling voice Cassie has passed
and her last breath was my opportunity
to just breathe thank you
[Applause]
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