about five seconds after I was born the
doctors made a mistake that for the next
16 and a half years would cause me
intense emotional and psychological
trauma it’s not the doctors fault my
parents made the same mistake just a few
seconds later the mistake that they made
was thinking that I was a girl if you
were to ask me about my gender now I’d
say the same thing I said when I was
just three years old I’m a boy obviously
still when I was a toddler my parents
would tell me no you’re a girl that I
would just grow out of it
and despite this I don’t think they
understood it but they weren’t trying to
force me into this box that I didn’t
want to be and they were trying like
most loving parents to help their
three-year-old understand the world but
telling them what is right and what is
wrong and my gender was wrong I was a
girl so I tried to be the little girl
they always wanted but I had teachers
and parents of friends and neighbors and
random people on the street sometimes
stop me and say are you a boy or a girl
and my answer always came out just a
little bit choked like I couldn’t quite
say it because I couldn’t quite believe
it and by the time I got to high school
I knew that something had to change
so I had this long brown curly hair that
I absolutely hated and I went to a
hairdresser and when she asked me what
kind of a cut I want to kind of a short
cut do you want I said like a boy it was
foreshadowing in a way because I didn’t
yet know what that meant I didn’t know
what it meant just to want to look like
a boy or what it meant to want to be a
boy but I long since figured out that
when I saw a boy and I thought wow he
has great hair I wasn’t attracted to him
I wanted to look like him later that
year my girlfriend at the time asked me
to go to the prom with her and I told my
mom and I said mom I want to wear it tux
and she said okay how about a pantsuit
and I said that’s not the same thing mom
and she said okay so let’s go shopping
and so we went to these stores and they
were all pant suits and I felt some
it was like if you’re a guy trying to
wear a dress and if you’re a girl trying
to wear like I don’t know boxers or
something but it felt wrong it felt
incorrect I didn’t feel like me and so
finally after going to three or four
stores she takes me to this discount
formal wear store called Sims and I’m I
was amazed it was incredible it was the
only store I’d ever seen where the men’s
section was larger than the women’s and
even though she kept glancing over at
the women’s section she helped me find
this white tux jacket and a black shirt
and black pants and a tie and I had
never felt so comfortable I never felt
more handsome in anything and when we
told the salesman who had been helping
us that that’s what we’re going to get
he said this young man is gonna look
great in that this young man this long
young man is gonna look great in that
eye it was the best compliment I’ve ever
received in my life because the only one
that recognized who I was before I did
and I saw my mom next to me about to
correct him but before she did she
glanced at me and she saw this huge
smile on my face I was so happy and she
remembered I think that before I’d even
been conceived she had just wanted a
baby that was happy and healthy before
anything else before she knew I was a
girl before she thought that I was going
to be wearing a prom dress
she just cared that her baby was happy
and healthy and I think that was the
moment where she realized that I was as
this as what I was wearing and I saw her
hold herself back and her shoulders just
sunk a little bit into comfort and I saw
the corners of her mouth turn up and she
just said yeah and we laughed about it
later and then she drove my prom date a
night of the prom about a year after
that I went to a conference called true
colors it’s this wonderful conference
and I went with all my friends and we
went to this workshop called trans 101
and I had no idea what trans was it was
this abstract concept that didn’t apply
to me at the time and we go to this comp
this is this workshop and I
and listening and I’m I’m exploding
inside because there’s other people who
feel the same way that I feel there are
other people who get it there are other
people like me and more importantly than
that there was a word there was a word
that could explain why I felt out of
place in a dress or pantsuit or diamond
earrings or long hair or a two-piece
swimsuit there was a word for it and I’m
an English teacher now and I understand
and I want to make sure that you guys
all understand having a word to describe
yourself is so important being able to
express our identities is critical and
sometimes what you need is to have a
label so after this workshop I told all
my friends to call me Leo for the rest
of the day because I wanted to be a boy
and because I really liked Titanic and
they did and I came out at school
publicly about eight months later and it
was cultural diversity day at the high
school and there’s a panel that the GSA
was doing on coming out and I was on
that panel and I decided that instead of
just talking about coming out this big
abstract concept I was going to do it I
was going to come out and there about
three English classes in there and there
were the teachers of those classes the
GSA advisors a number of other teachers
who had come in administrators were
there and I have very little
recollection of what actually happened
but I came out and to my surprise the
reaction from people was not discussed
as I expected I’d expected the worst I’d
braced for the worst but the reactions
were mostly a combination of admiration
and secondhand pride because they
understood that what I was saying wasn’t
just that I was transgender they were
understanding that I had found part of
myself
and that resonated with them about a
month later after beating myself up over
the disappointment I was sure that this
revelation would impart on them I came
out to my parents I was so scared that I
was going to chicken out that I had to
work myself up into a fury and yell it
at them and despite the fact that I had
literally just yelled at them for a good
five minutes the reaction was okay if
this is you this is you
and we love you they accepted that
they’d made a mistake with my gender and
they helped me work towards fixing that
mistake they let me Rianne sir the
question such a basic question are you a
boy or a girl and yet I thought so long
and so hard about this question I had
gone through bouts of depression and
mania I had hurt myself physically and
oppressed myself mentally and now
finally covered in bruises and scars and
blood and tears I could be me I could be
me see I am a man and I’m transgender
the two are not mutually exclusive I am
just as much a man as any other man you
see on the street that doesn’t change
based on other people’s ire or disgust
nobody’s identity is changed by other
people’s iron and discus no matter how
strongly it is expressed or how often it
is expressed
nobody’s identity is affected by what
other people see or say and transgender
people when they are allowed to express
themselves are happy there’s actually
studies that have been done about this
it seems like basic logic if you’re not
attacked and ridiculed for who you are
you are happier if you’re being attacked
and ridiculed you are not as happy this
is basic logic but they have to do a
study on it to prove it because
transgender people are often associated
with mental health issues but it turns
out that those mental health issues
don’t come from the transgender person
they come from the reaction of the
people around them I was really lucky my
family my friends my school all reacted
positively they all accepted me and and
supported me in the best ways that they
could but that is not the case for many
people for many people the reaction is
negative and because of that negative
reaction among trans people there is a
41% attempted suicide rate 41% 41% of
trans people have or will attempt
suicide in their lifetime
that’s about
10 times the national average I was
lucky I was supported I had my friends
support me I had the love of my parents
and my brothers and yet I am still part
of that 41% I was 22 years old I just
graduated college and I was afraid
because I knew the statistics and I was
so convinced that no matter what job or
place I found that I would still be
attacked and ridiculed in the same
blatant and subtle ways that I had been
attacked and ridiculed ever since I had
come out I had given up and I thought
that I was going to lose everything I
thought that I had lost everything and
my mind sent me these words don’t think
just do don’t think just do it repeated
in my mind don’t think just do don’t
think just do don’t think just do don’t
think just do and I swallowed a bottle
of a leave and collapsed in the bathroom
I don’t remember much of the next couple
of days snippets here and there a
peanutbutter sandwich a narrow bed my
parents came and took me home they took
me out a therapist and about a week
later I was on the floor of my bedroom
crying I’d given up my mom came in and
she held me while I cried and I told her
I was useless and she said you’ve been
through so much and you’ve never let it
stop you if I know you this won’t either
and I was lucky my mom was right about
two weeks later I had a job in about
four months later after that I was in a
master’s program to become a teacher and
I am today I was allowed to answer the
question so many people had told me that
I was a girl and I agreed because I
didn’t know what else to do but then I
found out that somebody else had
questioned their identity and I started
thinking about mine
and what it means and this has been my
big question and it’s not the same as
everybody else’s question our identities
are so multifaceted that we were almost
never answering the same question but
this was mine and I got sorry answered
it because I had the love and support of
those around me but so often people are
not allowed to change their answer
whether it’s one that they came up with
whether it’s just a part of their answer
or if it’s something that somebody else
gave them that they didn’t choose and so
often these ideas these parts of our
identity become places for us to be
heard and so many people are hurt to the
point where they attempt suicide their
deaths weigh heavily on me my suicide
attempt came after I had come out after
I’ve been living in a way that I felt
was good for a long time it’s still the
reality of what transgender people face
day to day hit me I was aware of
everything I was loved and supported I
was so lucky to be who I was that I was
allowed to be Who I am
and because of that love and support
from the people around me
I’m here today and I constantly wonder
if I still would be here today if I had
not been allowed that chance if I’d not
been allowed to question my identity
what I’ve made it through high school
through college could I be me if I had
to present as something other than me
every day of my life could you be you if
you had to be somebody else
I’ve only attempted suicide once I was
lucky
and I’m here today and I am not just
surviving I’m not just living I am
thriving and I am me so my message for
you is this question your identity and
let others question theirs if we allow
ourselves to express ourselves and our
identities and ways that make us feel
good and if we can allow other people to
express their identities and ways that
make them feel good we can create a
world where nobody needs to stop
thinking and just do thank you
[Applause]
doctors made a mistake that for the next
16 and a half years would cause me
intense emotional and psychological
trauma it’s not the doctors fault my
parents made the same mistake just a few
seconds later the mistake that they made
was thinking that I was a girl if you
were to ask me about my gender now I’d
say the same thing I said when I was
just three years old I’m a boy obviously
still when I was a toddler my parents
would tell me no you’re a girl that I
would just grow out of it
and despite this I don’t think they
understood it but they weren’t trying to
force me into this box that I didn’t
want to be and they were trying like
most loving parents to help their
three-year-old understand the world but
telling them what is right and what is
wrong and my gender was wrong I was a
girl so I tried to be the little girl
they always wanted but I had teachers
and parents of friends and neighbors and
random people on the street sometimes
stop me and say are you a boy or a girl
and my answer always came out just a
little bit choked like I couldn’t quite
say it because I couldn’t quite believe
it and by the time I got to high school
I knew that something had to change
so I had this long brown curly hair that
I absolutely hated and I went to a
hairdresser and when she asked me what
kind of a cut I want to kind of a short
cut do you want I said like a boy it was
foreshadowing in a way because I didn’t
yet know what that meant I didn’t know
what it meant just to want to look like
a boy or what it meant to want to be a
boy but I long since figured out that
when I saw a boy and I thought wow he
has great hair I wasn’t attracted to him
I wanted to look like him later that
year my girlfriend at the time asked me
to go to the prom with her and I told my
mom and I said mom I want to wear it tux
and she said okay how about a pantsuit
and I said that’s not the same thing mom
and she said okay so let’s go shopping
and so we went to these stores and they
were all pant suits and I felt some
it was like if you’re a guy trying to
wear a dress and if you’re a girl trying
to wear like I don’t know boxers or
something but it felt wrong it felt
incorrect I didn’t feel like me and so
finally after going to three or four
stores she takes me to this discount
formal wear store called Sims and I’m I
was amazed it was incredible it was the
only store I’d ever seen where the men’s
section was larger than the women’s and
even though she kept glancing over at
the women’s section she helped me find
this white tux jacket and a black shirt
and black pants and a tie and I had
never felt so comfortable I never felt
more handsome in anything and when we
told the salesman who had been helping
us that that’s what we’re going to get
he said this young man is gonna look
great in that this young man this long
young man is gonna look great in that
eye it was the best compliment I’ve ever
received in my life because the only one
that recognized who I was before I did
and I saw my mom next to me about to
correct him but before she did she
glanced at me and she saw this huge
smile on my face I was so happy and she
remembered I think that before I’d even
been conceived she had just wanted a
baby that was happy and healthy before
anything else before she knew I was a
girl before she thought that I was going
to be wearing a prom dress
she just cared that her baby was happy
and healthy and I think that was the
moment where she realized that I was as
this as what I was wearing and I saw her
hold herself back and her shoulders just
sunk a little bit into comfort and I saw
the corners of her mouth turn up and she
just said yeah and we laughed about it
later and then she drove my prom date a
night of the prom about a year after
that I went to a conference called true
colors it’s this wonderful conference
and I went with all my friends and we
went to this workshop called trans 101
and I had no idea what trans was it was
this abstract concept that didn’t apply
to me at the time and we go to this comp
this is this workshop and I
and listening and I’m I’m exploding
inside because there’s other people who
feel the same way that I feel there are
other people who get it there are other
people like me and more importantly than
that there was a word there was a word
that could explain why I felt out of
place in a dress or pantsuit or diamond
earrings or long hair or a two-piece
swimsuit there was a word for it and I’m
an English teacher now and I understand
and I want to make sure that you guys
all understand having a word to describe
yourself is so important being able to
express our identities is critical and
sometimes what you need is to have a
label so after this workshop I told all
my friends to call me Leo for the rest
of the day because I wanted to be a boy
and because I really liked Titanic and
they did and I came out at school
publicly about eight months later and it
was cultural diversity day at the high
school and there’s a panel that the GSA
was doing on coming out and I was on
that panel and I decided that instead of
just talking about coming out this big
abstract concept I was going to do it I
was going to come out and there about
three English classes in there and there
were the teachers of those classes the
GSA advisors a number of other teachers
who had come in administrators were
there and I have very little
recollection of what actually happened
but I came out and to my surprise the
reaction from people was not discussed
as I expected I’d expected the worst I’d
braced for the worst but the reactions
were mostly a combination of admiration
and secondhand pride because they
understood that what I was saying wasn’t
just that I was transgender they were
understanding that I had found part of
myself
and that resonated with them about a
month later after beating myself up over
the disappointment I was sure that this
revelation would impart on them I came
out to my parents I was so scared that I
was going to chicken out that I had to
work myself up into a fury and yell it
at them and despite the fact that I had
literally just yelled at them for a good
five minutes the reaction was okay if
this is you this is you
and we love you they accepted that
they’d made a mistake with my gender and
they helped me work towards fixing that
mistake they let me Rianne sir the
question such a basic question are you a
boy or a girl and yet I thought so long
and so hard about this question I had
gone through bouts of depression and
mania I had hurt myself physically and
oppressed myself mentally and now
finally covered in bruises and scars and
blood and tears I could be me I could be
me see I am a man and I’m transgender
the two are not mutually exclusive I am
just as much a man as any other man you
see on the street that doesn’t change
based on other people’s ire or disgust
nobody’s identity is changed by other
people’s iron and discus no matter how
strongly it is expressed or how often it
is expressed
nobody’s identity is affected by what
other people see or say and transgender
people when they are allowed to express
themselves are happy there’s actually
studies that have been done about this
it seems like basic logic if you’re not
attacked and ridiculed for who you are
you are happier if you’re being attacked
and ridiculed you are not as happy this
is basic logic but they have to do a
study on it to prove it because
transgender people are often associated
with mental health issues but it turns
out that those mental health issues
don’t come from the transgender person
they come from the reaction of the
people around them I was really lucky my
family my friends my school all reacted
positively they all accepted me and and
supported me in the best ways that they
could but that is not the case for many
people for many people the reaction is
negative and because of that negative
reaction among trans people there is a
41% attempted suicide rate 41% 41% of
trans people have or will attempt
suicide in their lifetime
that’s about
10 times the national average I was
lucky I was supported I had my friends
support me I had the love of my parents
and my brothers and yet I am still part
of that 41% I was 22 years old I just
graduated college and I was afraid
because I knew the statistics and I was
so convinced that no matter what job or
place I found that I would still be
attacked and ridiculed in the same
blatant and subtle ways that I had been
attacked and ridiculed ever since I had
come out I had given up and I thought
that I was going to lose everything I
thought that I had lost everything and
my mind sent me these words don’t think
just do don’t think just do it repeated
in my mind don’t think just do don’t
think just do don’t think just do don’t
think just do and I swallowed a bottle
of a leave and collapsed in the bathroom
I don’t remember much of the next couple
of days snippets here and there a
peanutbutter sandwich a narrow bed my
parents came and took me home they took
me out a therapist and about a week
later I was on the floor of my bedroom
crying I’d given up my mom came in and
she held me while I cried and I told her
I was useless and she said you’ve been
through so much and you’ve never let it
stop you if I know you this won’t either
and I was lucky my mom was right about
two weeks later I had a job in about
four months later after that I was in a
master’s program to become a teacher and
I am today I was allowed to answer the
question so many people had told me that
I was a girl and I agreed because I
didn’t know what else to do but then I
found out that somebody else had
questioned their identity and I started
thinking about mine
and what it means and this has been my
big question and it’s not the same as
everybody else’s question our identities
are so multifaceted that we were almost
never answering the same question but
this was mine and I got sorry answered
it because I had the love and support of
those around me but so often people are
not allowed to change their answer
whether it’s one that they came up with
whether it’s just a part of their answer
or if it’s something that somebody else
gave them that they didn’t choose and so
often these ideas these parts of our
identity become places for us to be
heard and so many people are hurt to the
point where they attempt suicide their
deaths weigh heavily on me my suicide
attempt came after I had come out after
I’ve been living in a way that I felt
was good for a long time it’s still the
reality of what transgender people face
day to day hit me I was aware of
everything I was loved and supported I
was so lucky to be who I was that I was
allowed to be Who I am
and because of that love and support
from the people around me
I’m here today and I constantly wonder
if I still would be here today if I had
not been allowed that chance if I’d not
been allowed to question my identity
what I’ve made it through high school
through college could I be me if I had
to present as something other than me
every day of my life could you be you if
you had to be somebody else
I’ve only attempted suicide once I was
lucky
and I’m here today and I am not just
surviving I’m not just living I am
thriving and I am me so my message for
you is this question your identity and
let others question theirs if we allow
ourselves to express ourselves and our
identities and ways that make us feel
good and if we can allow other people to
express their identities and ways that
make them feel good we can create a
world where nobody needs to stop
thinking and just do thank you
[Applause]
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