when I had barely turned nineteen years
old my whole world changed because my
niece was born and I don’t think there’s
a better bomb for the angst of a 19 year
old than that of becoming an aunt
I learned infinitely about myself from
this relationship and still do but
mostly we had a lot of fun once when we
were in the forest playing hide-and-seek
it was my turn to count apple peaches
pumpkin pie who’s not ready holler I and
running to find her I spied at the
bottom of the tree a little door and it
was beautifully decorated and there was
a little table out front I was
completely astonished at this I called
my niece out of hiding showed her we ran
around to other trees in the forest
there was another little door that was
green and square and carved and it had a
rock pathway out front
another door still was red and rounded
and had a nightlight out front for
potential evening visitors and I was
completely dumbfounded as to what to say
or do so I turned to the six year old
and I asked what do you think is going
on here and this was a really good idea
because she had a lot of thoughts about
what was going on around here she said
they were fairy doors and that the
fairies were out of town but they’re
gonna be back and we should make them
gifts so that when they come back they
know we’re their friends so we ran
around gathering flora and fauna perhaps
glimpsing more fairy habitats and we
laid on the forest floor braiding
flowers and making reefs and talk talk
talking about what was going on around
here and we still talked about that day
now and when the adrenaline wore off
from that moment a completely satisfied
feeling took its place because I knew we
had experienced wonder and it shifted my
soul
changed me forever moving forward and I
wanted more of it but where to find
wonder I knew I had this wonder is a
child being vulnerable and open I think
kids are just more acutely aware of
those wonder doors that are waiting to
be discovered in the everyday I could be
walking at the mall with my mom the
holidays and decorations are out and
there would be presents wrapped in the
store windows and I would know those
presents were for me I’d say to my mom
how did they know I was going to be here
when an uncle told us kids that we could
dig to China if we really tried it’s
just right below us that seems super
doable I took about five minutes to put
the plan together gathered the
neighborhood kids and off we went to my
backyard tree with our shovels so as to
be shaded on our expedition to China and
we done until we tired out and we kids
laid around the tree looking at the
exposed roots and one kid said you know
you can eat tree roots survivalists do
it their hydration this seemed like a
great idea so all of us kids started
snapping off roots not on them it’s
awesome I can only imagine what my mom
thought walking outside and seeing a
group of kids knowing on tree roots but
these are just two examples of the
places that wonder took me as a kid so
many places and alternately sometimes
the emergent care because my mom just
insisted on it I suspect that the desert
of my adolescence blue sands across the
Wonder doors obscuring them from my view
and it wasn’t until I became an aunt
that I realized what I’ve been missing
and that is the greatest thing about
kids they challenge you to cast off what
you think about yourself role model I
didn’t think I had any words of wisdom
or life experience to give but something
we quickly figured out is
I am really good at play mm-hmm you can
count on me for any games relay races
marshmallow dodgeball red light green
light mother may I tag hide-and-seek of
course freeze tag such a different game
because you have to freeze when you’re
attacked of course lava monster and any
impromptu dancing or singing the ones I
love know that when I do this they do
this and they furl it and I fling them
out and we dance to the light of the
silvery moon not the Sun but the moon
the dips are essential most fun and they
need a thing about being and play with
them is I never know what I’m gonna say
or hear next because we’re with Wonder
and it just feels so right and it makes
all the difference in my relationship
with them Wonder doesn’t just have to be
experiences Wonder can be conversations
I had taken my nephew to go get a
Slurpee once because that’s what ants do
they get you Slurpees and we were in the
store waiting and this other young child
was running amok and causing a mess that
adults were trying to get him under
control
we watched and as we walked out of the
store with our Slurpees I turned to my
nephew and I asked what did you think of
that in there and he looked at me
squinting into the Sun very little
Rascals like he said oh he was just
trying to have a little fun was he
and just like those moments with the
ferry doors
I experienced a shift and I knew that I
would always want to know what he thinks
and feels more than tell him what I know
for parents a moment like this might
invite a teachable moment about manners
and behavior ants don’t care about that
this ant didn’t for me I just wanted to
know more about what was going on in
that four-year-olds head but
fast-forward because now I’m a mom and I
can mom it hard yeah mom and it hard is
a term my children gave to me for those
times when I’m trying too hard to create
the wonder door experiences for us the
story of mom and it hard goes like this
it’s the holidays I’ve gone about
creating a moment for them books by the
fire with blankets and cocoa
I called them from the room and one just
runs out and pops right down on the
couch the other one slowly comes down
the hallway clearly leaving the best
time of her life in that room behind her
she takes in the scene she’s not having
it she looks up at me and says sometimes
you mom too hard too I drink your cocoa
I knew what she meant though sometimes
in forcing wonder it can fall flat
wonder isn’t to be manufactured it’s to
be manifested and a key if you will to
opening those wonder doors isn’t staying
flexible in setting aside my idea of
playing fun and acquiescing to hers we
ended up having an impromptu Fort
building session instead and as I took
the pillows off the couch and then the
blankets and then passed in the cocoa
kind of had another mom moment standing
there thinking where do I fit into all
of this and then the covers yelled get a
book mom we can read in the fort and so
we did being a parent is so much harder
than being an aunt I know you parents
can back me up on this one you are
trying to raise a respectful responsible
healthy spiritual say the list goes on
child
there will be no Slurpees did you brush
your teeth
did you really brush your teeth blow in
my face go brush your teeth do you want
me to okay and how will they know what
to think and feel if I don’t tell them
some of the first journeys out of our
house to the libraries to the parks
preschool we would meet other young
families and these associations are the
best and we still have so many of them
but for me at that point in my life they
invited comparison and when I saw other
kids achieve have skills or manners I
would compare them to my children
and find them lacking my mind said it
about this time is evidenced in this
quote the children now live luxury they
have bad manners contempt for authority
they show disrespect for elders and love
chatter in place of exercise they
contradict their parents and gobble up
dainty’s at the table pretty much all
counts
then I read that this was written by
Socrates in 469 BC offering some
perspective maybe my kids aren’t the
first to never pick up their towels
maybe kids back then we’re leaving their
togas laying around mainly the thought I
landed on was that that fun sensitive
shared space that I had had with my
nieces and nephews I didn’t have that
with my kids and not for the first time
in my life I asked myself the question
where to find wonder when you’re a
freewheeling ant you just find fairy
doors in a forest but a parent much
harder and moms and meta mom mindset
worried about activities and schedules
and laundry do we have enough for a
white load you know the real
contemplative questions where is their
time and care to ask what they think and
feel and more than words what do you
think I submit to you that reading is
one of the first places you can find
these moments a teacher trick I learned
is to have a copy of a book and they
have a copy of the same book and you
read a page and they read a page I don’t
know why this works it just does and
when you’re reading you can ask almost
any question do you think she has brown
hair like me or red hair like you mom
your hair is black and she is definitely
team red is 12 years old old enough to
babysit yes but only if you don’t have
to change dirty diapers they said she’s
sassy what do you think sassy is sassy
is when girls with straight hair do this
is that sassy that is sassy I didn’t
know that was sassy but the neatest
thing about asking her what she thinks
and feels is that I was given a glimpse
into her heart in her mind and exactly
where she’s at at this point in her life
and there’s so many other gifts with
reading once after finishing the second
Harry Potter book my child turned to me
with her blanket caped over her
shoulders and asked I need you to tell
me the truth seriously mom am I going to
Hogwarts when I’m 11 years old what
could I say
we’ll have to see if you get an owl I
see them around here because she needed
more of my this than my that The Hobbit
is one of our family’s favorite reads
we’ve read it often and there’s an
awesome song in the beginning where the
dwarves are singing and cleaning up
Bilbo’s house so much fun and I like
many family traditions I don’t know how
this one got started but we take it upon
ourselves to each take a line from the
song and ramp it up more raucous in the
last and it’s just fun and playful but
the neat thing in creating that
sensitive shared playful place in the
fun playful things is that same sacred
space is available to us when we talk
about more complicated things like
relationships choices belief why do you
think Bilbo goes after the dwarves the
next morning when they left he didn’t
even want to go he was off the hook
sometimes when people ask you to do
things you don’t want to do them but
then you make friends and you decide to
join in what do you think of Gollum I
don’t know what to think of Gollum maybe
if more kids played with him he would be
nice
we can hope and I’ve given reading as an
example but these moments of being
present can happen at bedtimes campfires
game nights family nights looking for
letter boxes in the forest so many other
places now mom and it hard is something
I wear as a badge of pride because the
neat thing about it is them knowing that
I’m trying to this create these wonder
doors or make them more available to us
is that it’s been reciprocated on me too
once I came home and before I even got
out of my car I spied up in the tree
there was an elf with a flute and as I
got out of my car I heard the most
beautiful music play it was concerning
hobbits one of my favorites and my
daughter had climbed up in the tree to
give me this meaningful gift and then
she swung down I asked her how did you
know to do this for me and she said
you’re not the only one that makes good
surprises around here and so she was
right although I’ve been accused of
momming it hard I am never gonna stop
momming it hard and that is because I
have tasted success once when they were
coloring at the table I just happened to
have a pot of tea and as I walked over I
spontaneously affected a British dialect
would you like a spot of tea darling mom
what are you doing
your mother had to go out I’m nanny I’ll
be with you a bit did you draw that
horse’s mane blowing in the wind because
he’s galloping so fast
I can tell you’re such an artist is this
your mother’s musical instrument this is
your musical instrument you play in an
orchestra
Maya’s so accomplished for one so young
and so it came to be on rainy Oregon
afternoons that nanny would visit and
they would tell her things did you get
you a bicycle fixed I noticed it was
broke the last I was here yes my dad
fixed that because he’s the genius
around here did you got anything very
fun or interesting in school this week
did you know there’s 13 full moons a
year but there’s only 12 months I think
there’s a thirteenth month and it’s
hidden I would name it eQuest rrah for
the horses what would you do during the
month of Equestria
I would untie my horse from the back
porch and every day I would ride out and
I’d have a pack so wherever we end up at
night I’ll just sleep there would your
mother be very worried about you well
she could come too if she gets her own
horse but she’s not very good with
animals and they need this thing about
being with nanny is I never knew what I
would hear or say next because we were
with Wonder again I once asked the girls
why do you like it so much when nanny
visits and I heard because she always
says encouraging words and she never
yells this is true and the beauty of
nanny is in effecting an accent you
can’t really ill
and the other thing about being nanny is
she’s so present and in the present is
where the moment expands and those
wonder doors that were waiting for you
all the time come into view
you’re going to create a relationship
one way or another why not make it one
filled with adventures and conversations
and wonderment so ones I love grow older
and get to choose who they spend time
with and where they go I don’t want them
to visit me out of only duty or
obligation when the ones I love want to
go her net jaunt in the woods and maybe
dance a jig I hope they come get their
ante and when the ones I love want an
encouraging word and no yelling that
they remember the presence
I’m nanny and when the ones I love want
to come for a cuddle maybe to read in
the fort and to be around someone who
cares what they think and feel that they
come back to me who loves them so much
and we’ll never stop momming it hard
what do you think
old my whole world changed because my
niece was born and I don’t think there’s
a better bomb for the angst of a 19 year
old than that of becoming an aunt
I learned infinitely about myself from
this relationship and still do but
mostly we had a lot of fun once when we
were in the forest playing hide-and-seek
it was my turn to count apple peaches
pumpkin pie who’s not ready holler I and
running to find her I spied at the
bottom of the tree a little door and it
was beautifully decorated and there was
a little table out front I was
completely astonished at this I called
my niece out of hiding showed her we ran
around to other trees in the forest
there was another little door that was
green and square and carved and it had a
rock pathway out front
another door still was red and rounded
and had a nightlight out front for
potential evening visitors and I was
completely dumbfounded as to what to say
or do so I turned to the six year old
and I asked what do you think is going
on here and this was a really good idea
because she had a lot of thoughts about
what was going on around here she said
they were fairy doors and that the
fairies were out of town but they’re
gonna be back and we should make them
gifts so that when they come back they
know we’re their friends so we ran
around gathering flora and fauna perhaps
glimpsing more fairy habitats and we
laid on the forest floor braiding
flowers and making reefs and talk talk
talking about what was going on around
here and we still talked about that day
now and when the adrenaline wore off
from that moment a completely satisfied
feeling took its place because I knew we
had experienced wonder and it shifted my
soul
changed me forever moving forward and I
wanted more of it but where to find
wonder I knew I had this wonder is a
child being vulnerable and open I think
kids are just more acutely aware of
those wonder doors that are waiting to
be discovered in the everyday I could be
walking at the mall with my mom the
holidays and decorations are out and
there would be presents wrapped in the
store windows and I would know those
presents were for me I’d say to my mom
how did they know I was going to be here
when an uncle told us kids that we could
dig to China if we really tried it’s
just right below us that seems super
doable I took about five minutes to put
the plan together gathered the
neighborhood kids and off we went to my
backyard tree with our shovels so as to
be shaded on our expedition to China and
we done until we tired out and we kids
laid around the tree looking at the
exposed roots and one kid said you know
you can eat tree roots survivalists do
it their hydration this seemed like a
great idea so all of us kids started
snapping off roots not on them it’s
awesome I can only imagine what my mom
thought walking outside and seeing a
group of kids knowing on tree roots but
these are just two examples of the
places that wonder took me as a kid so
many places and alternately sometimes
the emergent care because my mom just
insisted on it I suspect that the desert
of my adolescence blue sands across the
Wonder doors obscuring them from my view
and it wasn’t until I became an aunt
that I realized what I’ve been missing
and that is the greatest thing about
kids they challenge you to cast off what
you think about yourself role model I
didn’t think I had any words of wisdom
or life experience to give but something
we quickly figured out is
I am really good at play mm-hmm you can
count on me for any games relay races
marshmallow dodgeball red light green
light mother may I tag hide-and-seek of
course freeze tag such a different game
because you have to freeze when you’re
attacked of course lava monster and any
impromptu dancing or singing the ones I
love know that when I do this they do
this and they furl it and I fling them
out and we dance to the light of the
silvery moon not the Sun but the moon
the dips are essential most fun and they
need a thing about being and play with
them is I never know what I’m gonna say
or hear next because we’re with Wonder
and it just feels so right and it makes
all the difference in my relationship
with them Wonder doesn’t just have to be
experiences Wonder can be conversations
I had taken my nephew to go get a
Slurpee once because that’s what ants do
they get you Slurpees and we were in the
store waiting and this other young child
was running amok and causing a mess that
adults were trying to get him under
control
we watched and as we walked out of the
store with our Slurpees I turned to my
nephew and I asked what did you think of
that in there and he looked at me
squinting into the Sun very little
Rascals like he said oh he was just
trying to have a little fun was he
and just like those moments with the
ferry doors
I experienced a shift and I knew that I
would always want to know what he thinks
and feels more than tell him what I know
for parents a moment like this might
invite a teachable moment about manners
and behavior ants don’t care about that
this ant didn’t for me I just wanted to
know more about what was going on in
that four-year-olds head but
fast-forward because now I’m a mom and I
can mom it hard yeah mom and it hard is
a term my children gave to me for those
times when I’m trying too hard to create
the wonder door experiences for us the
story of mom and it hard goes like this
it’s the holidays I’ve gone about
creating a moment for them books by the
fire with blankets and cocoa
I called them from the room and one just
runs out and pops right down on the
couch the other one slowly comes down
the hallway clearly leaving the best
time of her life in that room behind her
she takes in the scene she’s not having
it she looks up at me and says sometimes
you mom too hard too I drink your cocoa
I knew what she meant though sometimes
in forcing wonder it can fall flat
wonder isn’t to be manufactured it’s to
be manifested and a key if you will to
opening those wonder doors isn’t staying
flexible in setting aside my idea of
playing fun and acquiescing to hers we
ended up having an impromptu Fort
building session instead and as I took
the pillows off the couch and then the
blankets and then passed in the cocoa
kind of had another mom moment standing
there thinking where do I fit into all
of this and then the covers yelled get a
book mom we can read in the fort and so
we did being a parent is so much harder
than being an aunt I know you parents
can back me up on this one you are
trying to raise a respectful responsible
healthy spiritual say the list goes on
child
there will be no Slurpees did you brush
your teeth
did you really brush your teeth blow in
my face go brush your teeth do you want
me to okay and how will they know what
to think and feel if I don’t tell them
some of the first journeys out of our
house to the libraries to the parks
preschool we would meet other young
families and these associations are the
best and we still have so many of them
but for me at that point in my life they
invited comparison and when I saw other
kids achieve have skills or manners I
would compare them to my children
and find them lacking my mind said it
about this time is evidenced in this
quote the children now live luxury they
have bad manners contempt for authority
they show disrespect for elders and love
chatter in place of exercise they
contradict their parents and gobble up
dainty’s at the table pretty much all
counts
then I read that this was written by
Socrates in 469 BC offering some
perspective maybe my kids aren’t the
first to never pick up their towels
maybe kids back then we’re leaving their
togas laying around mainly the thought I
landed on was that that fun sensitive
shared space that I had had with my
nieces and nephews I didn’t have that
with my kids and not for the first time
in my life I asked myself the question
where to find wonder when you’re a
freewheeling ant you just find fairy
doors in a forest but a parent much
harder and moms and meta mom mindset
worried about activities and schedules
and laundry do we have enough for a
white load you know the real
contemplative questions where is their
time and care to ask what they think and
feel and more than words what do you
think I submit to you that reading is
one of the first places you can find
these moments a teacher trick I learned
is to have a copy of a book and they
have a copy of the same book and you
read a page and they read a page I don’t
know why this works it just does and
when you’re reading you can ask almost
any question do you think she has brown
hair like me or red hair like you mom
your hair is black and she is definitely
team red is 12 years old old enough to
babysit yes but only if you don’t have
to change dirty diapers they said she’s
sassy what do you think sassy is sassy
is when girls with straight hair do this
is that sassy that is sassy I didn’t
know that was sassy but the neatest
thing about asking her what she thinks
and feels is that I was given a glimpse
into her heart in her mind and exactly
where she’s at at this point in her life
and there’s so many other gifts with
reading once after finishing the second
Harry Potter book my child turned to me
with her blanket caped over her
shoulders and asked I need you to tell
me the truth seriously mom am I going to
Hogwarts when I’m 11 years old what
could I say
we’ll have to see if you get an owl I
see them around here because she needed
more of my this than my that The Hobbit
is one of our family’s favorite reads
we’ve read it often and there’s an
awesome song in the beginning where the
dwarves are singing and cleaning up
Bilbo’s house so much fun and I like
many family traditions I don’t know how
this one got started but we take it upon
ourselves to each take a line from the
song and ramp it up more raucous in the
last and it’s just fun and playful but
the neat thing in creating that
sensitive shared playful place in the
fun playful things is that same sacred
space is available to us when we talk
about more complicated things like
relationships choices belief why do you
think Bilbo goes after the dwarves the
next morning when they left he didn’t
even want to go he was off the hook
sometimes when people ask you to do
things you don’t want to do them but
then you make friends and you decide to
join in what do you think of Gollum I
don’t know what to think of Gollum maybe
if more kids played with him he would be
nice
we can hope and I’ve given reading as an
example but these moments of being
present can happen at bedtimes campfires
game nights family nights looking for
letter boxes in the forest so many other
places now mom and it hard is something
I wear as a badge of pride because the
neat thing about it is them knowing that
I’m trying to this create these wonder
doors or make them more available to us
is that it’s been reciprocated on me too
once I came home and before I even got
out of my car I spied up in the tree
there was an elf with a flute and as I
got out of my car I heard the most
beautiful music play it was concerning
hobbits one of my favorites and my
daughter had climbed up in the tree to
give me this meaningful gift and then
she swung down I asked her how did you
know to do this for me and she said
you’re not the only one that makes good
surprises around here and so she was
right although I’ve been accused of
momming it hard I am never gonna stop
momming it hard and that is because I
have tasted success once when they were
coloring at the table I just happened to
have a pot of tea and as I walked over I
spontaneously affected a British dialect
would you like a spot of tea darling mom
what are you doing
your mother had to go out I’m nanny I’ll
be with you a bit did you draw that
horse’s mane blowing in the wind because
he’s galloping so fast
I can tell you’re such an artist is this
your mother’s musical instrument this is
your musical instrument you play in an
orchestra
Maya’s so accomplished for one so young
and so it came to be on rainy Oregon
afternoons that nanny would visit and
they would tell her things did you get
you a bicycle fixed I noticed it was
broke the last I was here yes my dad
fixed that because he’s the genius
around here did you got anything very
fun or interesting in school this week
did you know there’s 13 full moons a
year but there’s only 12 months I think
there’s a thirteenth month and it’s
hidden I would name it eQuest rrah for
the horses what would you do during the
month of Equestria
I would untie my horse from the back
porch and every day I would ride out and
I’d have a pack so wherever we end up at
night I’ll just sleep there would your
mother be very worried about you well
she could come too if she gets her own
horse but she’s not very good with
animals and they need this thing about
being with nanny is I never knew what I
would hear or say next because we were
with Wonder again I once asked the girls
why do you like it so much when nanny
visits and I heard because she always
says encouraging words and she never
yells this is true and the beauty of
nanny is in effecting an accent you
can’t really ill
and the other thing about being nanny is
she’s so present and in the present is
where the moment expands and those
wonder doors that were waiting for you
all the time come into view
you’re going to create a relationship
one way or another why not make it one
filled with adventures and conversations
and wonderment so ones I love grow older
and get to choose who they spend time
with and where they go I don’t want them
to visit me out of only duty or
obligation when the ones I love want to
go her net jaunt in the woods and maybe
dance a jig I hope they come get their
ante and when the ones I love want an
encouraging word and no yelling that
they remember the presence
I’m nanny and when the ones I love want
to come for a cuddle maybe to read in
the fort and to be around someone who
cares what they think and feel that they
come back to me who loves them so much
and we’ll never stop momming it hard
what do you think
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