[Music]
the day we brought Te’o from the
orphanage to our home was a really big
day for us and it was for him he had
just had a hole drilled into his skull
when this little baby came to our house
he was not thriving he was
uncommunicative immobile he was in
constant pain and we told our daughter
who was three years old at the time
honey this one is really sick and he
might not get better
this was tayos catskin you might be
wondering where’s his brain you’re right
it should be here
but you see Te’o was born with
hydrocephalus which means his
cerebrospinal fluid could go up his
spine into his head but it couldn’t come
back down
and so his soft skull began to expand
and the pressure of that liquid feared
the soft tissue of his brain and it got
pushed against the edges of his skull
when Te’o came to our house we were told
by medical professionals he can’t move
he’s not going to be able to crawl much
less walk he can’t communicate at all
and he probably doesn’t even understand
what you’re saying we thought well
that’s okay it’s just for a few days
right well in the beginning my husband
would lie on the floor for hours with
the iPad to engage him and try to get
him to move his arms my daughter would
hold up a bottle Nitza July she was
teaching him to feed himself she would
lie on the ground with him and teach him
to flop on his face
and then tuck his shoulder and then flop
backwards and that’s how Lanie taught
tale how to move eventually against all
the odds he could sit up on his own
despite the weight of his head he loved
getting his medicine every day from his
chicha his big sister in 2014
Thao stood up for the first time and in
2015 he outgrew the biggest stroller we
could buy for him so we got him his own
wheelchair doesn’t he look so pleased
with it at this point Thao is a part of
our family he went everywhere with us
and he loved to ride in taxis last year
we were left breathless when he took his
first steps with a walker and it was my
deepest joy coming home every day to
this I still remember this day I just
come home came in the door and nobody
greeted me and I thought where is
everybody they were all giggling in the
other room and I found this lot rolling
around on the floor I snapped this shot
with my iPhone as you’ve probably
guessed we decided at that point to
adopt tale our spare room was going to
forever become Hales room why were we
willing to bring an orphan into our home
for a couple of days extend those days
two months two years to be willing to
adopt a special needs five-year-old
while we loved him dearly and I think we
all serve a purpose do you have a
purpose you know what it is if you don’t
for me it’s really simple it lies in the
intersection of two ideas on one side
you’ve got the thing that offends you
when we heard tayo story that his
parents had saved up the money and given
him to a doctor
boom look the baby and took the money
and carved a hole in his head and gave
him back to die
we were offended and we heard that all
he needed was a place to stay and
recover well we certainly had that to
offer so we found that intersection
which is our opportunity to serve our
purpose it became giving him our spare
room here’s the interesting thing about
purpose we were ready to go beyond that
we were ready to say we’re going to
adopt this boy but God’s purpose is so
much bigger than our own and it’s
perfect so through a series of events I
need another TEDx to tell you about he
ended up living with another family
he became adopted by another family
called the McClure’s he became an
American citizen and he lives in the
u.s. I can’t say it was easy to give up
our son it was actually excruciating but
we know what our purpose is and we know
that there’s a role to fill and we’re
willing to fill that role
it’s amazing a couple months ago we had
the chance to see Te’o and his new
family in LA we met on of all places a
street called Mateo Street but when
you’re willing to participate in life
and engage in your purpose you get an
opportunity to participate in some of
life’s most extraordinary stories allow
me to take you back to where it all
started it was a really late
you
you
and expectations but unlike me she took
all of those words to heart so when her
parents one day told her she was
worthless and they didn’t want to spend
any more money on her because of her
grades do you believe them and she ran
away a 14 year old living in the streets
of New York who looks eight or nine has
to survive she learned really quickly to
steal from the 7-eleven early after that
Lea learn to trade sexual favors for
food and shelter and one of those nights
his man was beating up on her and she
learned that she’s still a little bit of
spirit so she ran and she ran out the
door she left this little backpack
behind with everything she owned ran
down the steps and into this dark night
she’s running down the sidewalk when she
tripped and fell in a pool of dirty
rainwater and that was when my car
pulled alongside her at the end of our
breezy little meal in this old diner he
got up and started to walk away I was
only 19 I just watched her and I thought
I can’t let her go
so I shouted out to her back where are
you gonna stay and she didn’t answer me
but she froze and I remember seeing her
little shoulders shaking and I didn’t
even think I wasn’t trying to be good
the words just came right out of my
mouth I have a spare room and that’s how
I unintentionally discovered my purpose
and over the course of the last 20 years
a strangely predictable pattern has
emerged where life presents kids who
need a place to stay and we just keep
opening up our spare room I found and
watch out when you identify your purpose
your purpose will find you but you do
get to participate in some of the
greatest stories that unfold
I’ll tell you one more and this one
won’t come with pictures because he
still is in Shanghai Lotus’s father is
still a local gangster who still makes
his money by selling women’s bodies and
her mother is still one of those women
she remember is going to the bar when
she was young to sleep through the night
but too old to be left alone her mom
would tie a string around her chubby
little wrist to a bar stool so she
wouldn’t get lost while her mother went
and looked for a John and once she found
a customer she would untie the wrist and
carry the baby upstairs and put the baby
on the floor where she had to sit
quietly while her mom earned her money
Buddhist grew up in a brothel and I
certainly couldn’t have been easy for
them eventually it became clear that if
she stayed with her mother the beatings
would eventually kill her so she was
moved in with her father a teacher
noticed she started to come to school
dirtier and dirtier hungrier and
hungrier and they realized that her
father had had a gambling situation and
ran away with some money and no cell
phone the Lotus had no way to reach her
parents she was homeless we were asked
not knowing Lotus or the teacher really
would you take her would you give her
your spare room when Lotus came into our
home it was covered in scars her head on
the left side had been permanently
dented in she’d never had a bed to sleep
in of her own he’d never had a desk at
which to do her homework
she’d never worn a pair of underwear
though in the beginning we kept it
simple we started talking about
showering and then we said well you also
have to use the soap and then it took a
couple weeks before
we could convince her to medicate the
fungus that had grown up her feet up her
legs and I had this epic battle with her
about the required use of sanitary
napkins in our home it was not an easy
five months and I certainly was not at
my best you might be wondering why did I
do it
why did we do it as a family I think at
this point we’ve been opening up our
spare room for 20 years and realized
that you don’t stop when you’re
uncomfortable or when your apartments
smells really bad you stop when the need
is met with Thao he’s an American
citizen living in Los Angeles
Leigha I got to see walk across the
stage with her foster family graduate
from high school
Lotus well when she moved in she was 14
years old and she was just trying to
finish middle school before getting a
job in China as many of you know you
don’t just get to go to high school you
have to pass a very difficult test
called the Doan Cong this is roughly the
way the scoring works in the junk hall
right and it’s really tough to get into
an ordinary school much less one of the
key high schools when Lotus moved in
with us her latest practice test has
scored a 130 but that’s okay we’ll
finish school we’ll help her get a job
she has a safe clean place to live and
healthy meals after a couple months she
scored a 200 and then another month
later she scored a 300 Lotus had doubled
her score in all these practice tests so
by the time the real test came along I
was telling her you are smart go for the
400 you can do this she came home from
school and remember we weren’t the best
of friends we had all these arguments
you know maxi-pad clean the bathroom but
she hugged me she said Emily ie I think
I got a 420 she had done the math in her
head and figured out how many right and
wrong a few weeks later she got her real
score
back Lotus scored a 480 he’s the first
one in her family to go to high school
she lives in a boarding school where the
other students call her the cleaner
because she is learned and embraced the
value of hygiene and more importantly
though her school workload is crushing
Lotus still goes back to her old
neighborhood on the weekends but she can
mentor younger underprivileged children
I’m so proud of this girl though I just
want to leave this with you today before
you go to sleep tonight ask yourself
what’s my spare room ask yourself what
is the thing in life that offends me
maybe it’s straight animals abuse
children sex trafficking the refugee
crisis also ask yourself what can I
offer maybe it’s a spare room maybe it’s
money time food because if you can
identify the thing that offends you and
what you have to offer if you figure out
what’s in the heart of that you’re gonna
identify your opportunity to serve her
thank you
the day we brought Te’o from the
orphanage to our home was a really big
day for us and it was for him he had
just had a hole drilled into his skull
when this little baby came to our house
he was not thriving he was
uncommunicative immobile he was in
constant pain and we told our daughter
who was three years old at the time
honey this one is really sick and he
might not get better
this was tayos catskin you might be
wondering where’s his brain you’re right
it should be here
but you see Te’o was born with
hydrocephalus which means his
cerebrospinal fluid could go up his
spine into his head but it couldn’t come
back down
and so his soft skull began to expand
and the pressure of that liquid feared
the soft tissue of his brain and it got
pushed against the edges of his skull
when Te’o came to our house we were told
by medical professionals he can’t move
he’s not going to be able to crawl much
less walk he can’t communicate at all
and he probably doesn’t even understand
what you’re saying we thought well
that’s okay it’s just for a few days
right well in the beginning my husband
would lie on the floor for hours with
the iPad to engage him and try to get
him to move his arms my daughter would
hold up a bottle Nitza July she was
teaching him to feed himself she would
lie on the ground with him and teach him
to flop on his face
and then tuck his shoulder and then flop
backwards and that’s how Lanie taught
tale how to move eventually against all
the odds he could sit up on his own
despite the weight of his head he loved
getting his medicine every day from his
chicha his big sister in 2014
Thao stood up for the first time and in
2015 he outgrew the biggest stroller we
could buy for him so we got him his own
wheelchair doesn’t he look so pleased
with it at this point Thao is a part of
our family he went everywhere with us
and he loved to ride in taxis last year
we were left breathless when he took his
first steps with a walker and it was my
deepest joy coming home every day to
this I still remember this day I just
come home came in the door and nobody
greeted me and I thought where is
everybody they were all giggling in the
other room and I found this lot rolling
around on the floor I snapped this shot
with my iPhone as you’ve probably
guessed we decided at that point to
adopt tale our spare room was going to
forever become Hales room why were we
willing to bring an orphan into our home
for a couple of days extend those days
two months two years to be willing to
adopt a special needs five-year-old
while we loved him dearly and I think we
all serve a purpose do you have a
purpose you know what it is if you don’t
for me it’s really simple it lies in the
intersection of two ideas on one side
you’ve got the thing that offends you
when we heard tayo story that his
parents had saved up the money and given
him to a doctor
boom look the baby and took the money
and carved a hole in his head and gave
him back to die
we were offended and we heard that all
he needed was a place to stay and
recover well we certainly had that to
offer so we found that intersection
which is our opportunity to serve our
purpose it became giving him our spare
room here’s the interesting thing about
purpose we were ready to go beyond that
we were ready to say we’re going to
adopt this boy but God’s purpose is so
much bigger than our own and it’s
perfect so through a series of events I
need another TEDx to tell you about he
ended up living with another family
he became adopted by another family
called the McClure’s he became an
American citizen and he lives in the
u.s. I can’t say it was easy to give up
our son it was actually excruciating but
we know what our purpose is and we know
that there’s a role to fill and we’re
willing to fill that role
it’s amazing a couple months ago we had
the chance to see Te’o and his new
family in LA we met on of all places a
street called Mateo Street but when
you’re willing to participate in life
and engage in your purpose you get an
opportunity to participate in some of
life’s most extraordinary stories allow
me to take you back to where it all
started it was a really late
you
you
and expectations but unlike me she took
all of those words to heart so when her
parents one day told her she was
worthless and they didn’t want to spend
any more money on her because of her
grades do you believe them and she ran
away a 14 year old living in the streets
of New York who looks eight or nine has
to survive she learned really quickly to
steal from the 7-eleven early after that
Lea learn to trade sexual favors for
food and shelter and one of those nights
his man was beating up on her and she
learned that she’s still a little bit of
spirit so she ran and she ran out the
door she left this little backpack
behind with everything she owned ran
down the steps and into this dark night
she’s running down the sidewalk when she
tripped and fell in a pool of dirty
rainwater and that was when my car
pulled alongside her at the end of our
breezy little meal in this old diner he
got up and started to walk away I was
only 19 I just watched her and I thought
I can’t let her go
so I shouted out to her back where are
you gonna stay and she didn’t answer me
but she froze and I remember seeing her
little shoulders shaking and I didn’t
even think I wasn’t trying to be good
the words just came right out of my
mouth I have a spare room and that’s how
I unintentionally discovered my purpose
and over the course of the last 20 years
a strangely predictable pattern has
emerged where life presents kids who
need a place to stay and we just keep
opening up our spare room I found and
watch out when you identify your purpose
your purpose will find you but you do
get to participate in some of the
greatest stories that unfold
I’ll tell you one more and this one
won’t come with pictures because he
still is in Shanghai Lotus’s father is
still a local gangster who still makes
his money by selling women’s bodies and
her mother is still one of those women
she remember is going to the bar when
she was young to sleep through the night
but too old to be left alone her mom
would tie a string around her chubby
little wrist to a bar stool so she
wouldn’t get lost while her mother went
and looked for a John and once she found
a customer she would untie the wrist and
carry the baby upstairs and put the baby
on the floor where she had to sit
quietly while her mom earned her money
Buddhist grew up in a brothel and I
certainly couldn’t have been easy for
them eventually it became clear that if
she stayed with her mother the beatings
would eventually kill her so she was
moved in with her father a teacher
noticed she started to come to school
dirtier and dirtier hungrier and
hungrier and they realized that her
father had had a gambling situation and
ran away with some money and no cell
phone the Lotus had no way to reach her
parents she was homeless we were asked
not knowing Lotus or the teacher really
would you take her would you give her
your spare room when Lotus came into our
home it was covered in scars her head on
the left side had been permanently
dented in she’d never had a bed to sleep
in of her own he’d never had a desk at
which to do her homework
she’d never worn a pair of underwear
though in the beginning we kept it
simple we started talking about
showering and then we said well you also
have to use the soap and then it took a
couple weeks before
we could convince her to medicate the
fungus that had grown up her feet up her
legs and I had this epic battle with her
about the required use of sanitary
napkins in our home it was not an easy
five months and I certainly was not at
my best you might be wondering why did I
do it
why did we do it as a family I think at
this point we’ve been opening up our
spare room for 20 years and realized
that you don’t stop when you’re
uncomfortable or when your apartments
smells really bad you stop when the need
is met with Thao he’s an American
citizen living in Los Angeles
Leigha I got to see walk across the
stage with her foster family graduate
from high school
Lotus well when she moved in she was 14
years old and she was just trying to
finish middle school before getting a
job in China as many of you know you
don’t just get to go to high school you
have to pass a very difficult test
called the Doan Cong this is roughly the
way the scoring works in the junk hall
right and it’s really tough to get into
an ordinary school much less one of the
key high schools when Lotus moved in
with us her latest practice test has
scored a 130 but that’s okay we’ll
finish school we’ll help her get a job
she has a safe clean place to live and
healthy meals after a couple months she
scored a 200 and then another month
later she scored a 300 Lotus had doubled
her score in all these practice tests so
by the time the real test came along I
was telling her you are smart go for the
400 you can do this she came home from
school and remember we weren’t the best
of friends we had all these arguments
you know maxi-pad clean the bathroom but
she hugged me she said Emily ie I think
I got a 420 she had done the math in her
head and figured out how many right and
wrong a few weeks later she got her real
score
back Lotus scored a 480 he’s the first
one in her family to go to high school
she lives in a boarding school where the
other students call her the cleaner
because she is learned and embraced the
value of hygiene and more importantly
though her school workload is crushing
Lotus still goes back to her old
neighborhood on the weekends but she can
mentor younger underprivileged children
I’m so proud of this girl though I just
want to leave this with you today before
you go to sleep tonight ask yourself
what’s my spare room ask yourself what
is the thing in life that offends me
maybe it’s straight animals abuse
children sex trafficking the refugee
crisis also ask yourself what can I
offer maybe it’s a spare room maybe it’s
money time food because if you can
identify the thing that offends you and
what you have to offer if you figure out
what’s in the heart of that you’re gonna
identify your opportunity to serve her
thank you
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