guy friend from Disneyland to the rental
house and my family had gotten for the
weekend as we began walking I became
very aware that the streets were
becoming darker and the crowds that were
originally in the park were diminishing
at that moment we rounded a corner and
came upon a neighborhood where there was
men outside sitting smoking talking at
that moment I became fearful I pulled
out my phone and began pretending as if
I was dialing to my mother to tell her
where I was so that if anyone was
listening they would know that someone
was looking out for me at that moment my
guy friend turned around and looked at
me confused he asked me why I was doing
that I explained to him that I was
fearful we were walking alone in streets
that we had never been in before with
people that we didn’t know we didn’t
know the attention that they had he
still looked at me confused at that
moment I realized that the only
difference between him and I was the
fact that I’m a female and he is a male
as a woman I am told to be careful
walking down the streets as a woman I
feel the need to protect myself and my
body because at any corner a predator
can be waiting to attack as a woman I am
vulnerable to the streets hello my name
is Gladys Castaneda and I’ll be talking
to you today about vulnerability when we
think of the word remove ulnar ability
the first thing that usually pops into
our minds is weakness this is not
necessarily our fault the way that we
categorized vulnerability with something
bad
this has usually been imposed to us by
our parents or by society I remember a
couple months ago I was standing in my
kitchen I was really stressed out and I
began to cry my father looked at me and
told me stop crying I did not raise my
daughter to be weak although he has all
the best intentions in mind and he just
was seeking to comfort me and make me
feel stronger this did exactly the
opposite a segment such as this to me
meant that I was not allowed to cry it
meant that I was not allowed to feel
weak
sadness we often see vulnerability as a
plague as a way of giving up or giving
in to our oppressor when this should not
be the case I recently watched a
documentary and it’s called the real
life of a virgin daughter parents
fathers impose onto their daughters to
go through this program that basically
forces them to sign a contract that they
will be abstinent until they’re married
or that any future suitors that will
come into their life must talk to them
before they’re able to talk to their
daughters this is a father’s way of
trying to protect their daughters trying
to take away any form of weakness I
could come into their life but this is
so detrimental to a young woman’s growth
one of the fathers in the film said I
understand pain and I don’t want that
for my daughters they are trying to
remove a path of reality of life instead
of teaching their daughters how to form
morality in a conscience they are
teaching them that there is a way to
remove pain but that’s not the case
there is no way to outsmart
vulnerability or take pain away from our
life it will always be there for us the
reality is that because it’s always
there we must learn to accept it into
our lives this necessarily doesn’t mean
to give in to it and to say I give up on
life because there’s vulnerability and
pain no we should see this as a hurdle
to tackle to say this is what makes me
vulnerable and what steps am I going to
take to overcome them proof in this very
film that this tactic of trying to
shield their daughters doesn’t work was
by one of the girls in the film got
pregnant because she didn’t know how to
take care of herself or her body she
didn’t know how to make decisions for
her own because she was never taught how
to make them although she went through a
lot of shunning and she became very sad
during this time she does say but the
experiences I’ve had and the life I’ve
lived I wouldn’t trade that for the
world to her this is what gave her life
this will have made her different this
I like to categorize vulnerability in
three main categories the first one is
with ourselves the way I see this is
becoming imposters to ourselves my
cousin was recently telling us a story
about how when we’re meeting new people
whether it be friendships or any other
kind of relationships that we should
always be ourselves because if we are in
the future you’ll realize that you’ve
been with a stranger all along the
reason why I believe that we are not
able to originally open up to people is
because we are too vulnerable to
actually open up we believe we believe
that other people don’t understand our
fears and the things that we’re going
through because we feel isolated but
this is not the case at all we feel
judgment and we fear that if we open up
to people that they will judge us I can
see this in my own life I met my best
friend when I was about six years old
her and I were inseparable she would
come over to my house every day and
she’d be in high school they still still
happened she would still come over but
now she would just be on her phone and
she wouldn’t really talk to me
it wasn’t until one day I was at my
track me and I looked down at my phone
and I see I’m getting a phone call from
Berkeley I answer it it was my best
friend calling me from a mental hospital
she had been depressed since she started
high school I realized then that she had
not been telling me everything it wasn’t
until this summer that she began opening
up to me she saw that I have pains in my
own struggles in my own and that I cry
too she saw that I didn’t live this
perfect life and until then she started
opening up to me and telling me more of
her own struggles I find it very ironic
how each one of us is going through so
much yet we’re too afraid to open up to
people out of fear that they will judge
us the second category 1/2 of
vulnerability is socially the way that
this plays in that I see is through our
phone addictions I watched an interview
by simon Sinek when he talked about
phones and what they do to us phones are
like a numbing device to us every single
time we use them we are stimulating our
mind we released a chemical called
dopamine
this is the same chemical that comes
when a person smokes drinks or Gamble’s
from a young age we’re already
introducing ourselves to coping
mechanisms to help us cope through
what’s going wrong in our life as an
adult grows older and if they’re
addicted to alcohol they’ll realize that
when they’re suffering they don’t know
how to open up to people as a result
don’t turn back to the bottle because
they realize that they never actually
learn how to make real meaningful
relationships in the same way we’re
doing this with our phones because of
that we let our emotions torment us and
we are unable to work through them this
same thing was seen through a TED Talks
that I watched by Brenda brown when she
talked about how proof of the way that
we numb is by medicated adults adults
that are depressed how so many people
are in debt all these prove that we try
to cope with what is going on through
something else but the reality is we
can’t do it that way we can’t just
decide to numb some things out if we
numb vulnerability and weakness we will
also phnom pehn and suffering I remember
my coach once told me that it’s not
strength to pretend like you don’t care
it’s not strength to be okay
it’s strength to see things and to feel
things passionately and fully the last
category 1/2 of vulnerability is
globally I see this race government and
gender specifically gender roles I
recently read a book called the house on
mango street where they talked about the
way that genders and culture coincide
with one another in the story the
narrator states because the Chinese like
the Mexicans don’t like their women
strong now this isn’t only a problem
with the Chinese or Mexican culture this
is all over our world the fact that men
usually dictate how a woman should dress
by the way that there’s still a wage gap
today by the way that there is men right
now signing legislation as to the rights
of a woman’s body all of these things
prove that a woman is more vulnerable in
that way to a male but this is not only
an issue with females this is also an
issue with males there is a common term
in my culture called much
which means that a man should be a man
and they should be nothing more other
than that it means that a man should not
show signs of weakness or should not cry
because of that men are even more
vulnerable to not being able to open up
to people because they feel that that
will make them less of a man
79% of suicides are from men and I truly
believe that’s because they are unable
to actually open up to people and let
people in my point with this is that we
must equalize vulnerabilities
vulnerabilities cannot be so extremes on
both end of female and males I’ve been
saying a lot about accepting our
vulnerabilities and allowing them into
our lives
accepting vulnerabilities does not mean
normalizing abuse instead we should see
it as a way of coming to terms with what
is tormenting us or what is bothering us
and letting us talk about it
we must feel comfortable with the
uncomfortable we must make conversations
my challenge for everyone here today is
that the next time that you’re out in a
group of people whether it be a break
during school or out somewhere else that
you put down your phone don’t go
immediately on your phone and check
social media turn around to the person
next to you and have a conversation with
them ask them about their family start
creating these real relationships where
you feel that whenever you’re going
through something hard that you have
my last quote that I’ll leave everyone
here today is by CS Lewis and it states
to love is to feel vulnerable thank you
[Applause]
you [Applause]