hello and my name is Emily Morris and
I’ve just recently finished my law
degree and I’m quite happy to be here
but at the same time I’m a bit scared
she has to take it easy with me um I’m
here today to talk to you about the
liberation of change and how bad
experiences can actually be some of the
most positive experiences and and if you
haven’t already everything I don’t want
to upset you but every single person in
this room will have a bad experience and
you have to learn how to adapt to it and
then what skills you can get out of it
and one of the experiences I’ll be
talking to you today about my parents
divorce and at the time it was quite
like at what time I didn’t think there
was going to be way out of it but it
actually changed my life for positive
and you don’t have to answer these
questions but how many of you today have
had decisions made figure already and
how many of you today have been ignored
in decisions that affects your personal
academic and home life and how many of
you today have been affected by other
people’s actions and now can you imagine
being a child whose voice is ignored
when their parents are separating this
is me it’s a child and I’m the oldest
one
so I’m sixteen studying away and my main
goal is to get to university and then
the day my parents decided to separate
was the night of April 2012 and at the
time we were living in Cambridge but I
could tell from my accent I’m originally
from Birmingham and on this day my
father had returned I’m travelling and
he had been away for two months and we
hadn’t really had that much contact with
him I mean any was really weird
because he came back and he said to my
mom I want to get divorce and he said it
in front of me and my sisters and it
sounds really weird
he actually recorded my mom’s reaction
and which is very weird but of course my
mother did it takes his to kindly and I
mean I wouldn’t
about you and she em got arrested for
domestic violence and and I don’t agree
with violence but I do understand why
she did what she did and then my mother
never relocated back to Birmingham and
my grandparents and my father and then
decided to change the house locks and
which left me and my other sister out on
the streets and then I had to adapt
straightaway and find a new way to live
and provide for myself which is quite
difficult because I’ve only been in
Cambridge for six months so I hadn’t
built that support network for myself
and but when they separated I was quite
relieved because for 10 years from the
age of 10 I always knew they were gonna
separate I was just waiting for it to
happen and as a relationship between my
parents was over so was the family Union
which whilst it was sad it also was
quite freeing because I’d hit what
bottom and there was nowhere else I
could go I could I leave rebuild my life
and I know I member being in McGeoch of
the house Banta clinking my friend
asking for a place to stay for a night
and I also remember providing a witness
statement for my mother and being told
as well police that is quite rare for
children of parents to give statements
actually it’s quite funny because but my
mom got let out of the like like the
police station at midnight and I was
like getting drunk with my friends
the police rang me I was like oh we’ve
let your mom out and I was to appear too
drunk anyway um and I also remember
packing one suitcase of my belongings
not knowing at the time that was all old
be able to get out the house and if I
known at the time now maybe I would have
packed different items maybe photographs
instead of clothes and having limited
belongings is quite limiting Liberty
liberating sorry because it frees you of
any of the useless rubbish that you
don’t need
it also changes your perspective on life
because you realize life is a lot less
about materialistic items but a lot more
about having stability and feeling safe
and having that support network and so
for two months I lived between friends
houses and one friend four days a week
we have a friend three days a week and
at the same time was working 16 hours a
week at Greg Suhr Baker’s as well as
studying for my animals so this is a
time when my parents separated and I was
quite homeless but at the same time I
was quite happy and my father after rang
me being abusive and threatening and
four night before what I’m a massive
Harry Potter fan so I went to a last
Harry Potter premiere and you allowed
take home this big billboard it been
quite a lot to me but the night before
one of my exams my father sent me a text
message of it in four pieces saying um
you’ve got a piece for every wall now
and then he sent me quite a lot of text
messages as well with my bookcase and
bits and my embedding bits so of course
I did an all-nighter doing what I was
going to do and then following day I
walked in to do my exam and it was quite
clear I had no sleep and I had to sleep
on my teachers floor a couple of hours
before the exam just to get refreshed
and and my mother and then did relocate
back to Cambridge and I moved back in
with her however my mother’s mental have
drastically declined which resulted in a
mental breakdown on Boxing Day and she
left us actually in the Cayman shopping
centre which again was quite difficult
tries to get a lift back on Boxing Day
so yes again I remember frantically
ringing around
Brenna’s asking for help I also mean my
sister having an asthma attack because
she was that scared about what we were
going to do and I also remember my
ringing my dad as a last resort
who wasn’t actually in the area he was
in Birmingham asked him for a lift but
he men he asked his girlfriend to pick
us up who we had never met before
so as she cools kampala I guess it was
quite an awkward car ride home
so for 10 months I became the carer for
my younger sister why is my mother
sought treatment in Birmingham and I
also increased my hours at Gregor
Baker’s to help pay for food and other
day outgoings and I did sometimes go
about lunch to ensure my sister could
eat and what parents finally got
divorced at the end of my first year of
university I was quite happy that I was
over and done with and throughout the
entire process
I tried to get support on the internet
but all I found was quite negative news
articles saying I was more likely to
commit crime and drop out of education
and even develop diabetes and as a
result of my parents separation and at
that time my pet my goal was to get to
university so as you can imagine having
all these negative articles firing at
you it does take you back soma lack of
support annoyed me quite a lot because
as I was just into a new situation
I didn’t know how process of divorce
would entail or why my parents acted the
way they did like why my mum had a
mental breakdown and why my dad was
violent but then I asked myself what did
I want to support with and what was I
worried about and do I even need support
to have my voice heard and do I have a
white to have my voice heard because my
parents divorce was between them I am
the way I look at it I’m an object of
their marriage are not involved in their
marriage and what it really depends on
what do you think and what you need and
what do you want personally so I found
the experience of divorce quite
liberating and it changed my perspective
on life because I realized that it’s
perfectly acceptable to say to have your
voice heard and to say no to any
decisions that you don’t want because I
used to be the type of person that would
say yes to everything even if I didn’t
want to do it and there’s a quote if you
don’t like something change it and if
you can’t change it change your attitude
and this quote reflects my whole
experience Jo my parents separation and
I can’t change those parents separation
and I wouldn’t want to I
wish I could change away it happened
however I could to change how I feel and
how I adapt in a family situation and
now are two sides to divorce and how it
can change your game of life you can
even let it destroy you or make it
positive for you and the best part of
this whole experience was that was
completely free freeing having to
restart from scratch with my belongings
and adapt to a new family situation a
new house and even a new city because I
moved back to Bengal meant now was a new
baseline standard where I can simply
rebuild my way up I have lost a lot I am
aware of that but it allowed me to put
all my energy into the only thing that
mattered to me which is my education and
I recently did a year abroad in Hong
Kong which I would not have had the
confidence to do it was only because I
when my parents separated I was on my
own and I only had to provide for myself
so I had four skills already and now I
am handling my dissertation which is
actually about divorce and Jane for
divorce I didn’t doubt myself because I
knew I would get into university and I
don’t mean that to appear cocky but I
had an inner self belief and I ignored
all the critics and I did have massive
self-doubt I still do but not to me
extent that I used to have and the
divorce taught me that I have everything
I need to survive anyway you don’t need
materialist materialistic items I have
my sisters and my mother I’ve got the
air in my lungs and the clothes on my
back and a little self-doubt and little
self belief sorry goes a little way not
a self doubt we don’t want that and had
my parents still been together I really
don’t think I would have made it to
university and divorce allow me to learn
things about myself that I would not
have learnt anyway I like how strong I
am and how I know that whatever
experience comes my way I’ve got them
skills there although I have lost a lot
and it does make it difficult to get my
parents in a room together and I only
have one photograph of
from my childhood because my father
destroyed all the photographs and I am I
do find it quite difficult to trust
people but it’s a process that I’m
learning to improve and there were many
occasions where I became overwhelmed by
the situation that I could barely get
myself out I bet some mornings when I
was staying at my friend’s house her mom
literally one week had to drag me out of
bed I was like you’re going to school
you’re gonna do a levels and the fear of
the uncertain weren’t once useless and
is useless all it did was give in to the
voice in my head and that south critic
telling me that it wouldn’t be okay but
I’ve hit rock bottom I just need to
learn I just needed to learn how to
rebuild am I out I am complex but we all
are in this room every single one of us
in this room is a complex person and
whilst fear can be overwhelming you have
to give it your best shot because if you
don’t the only person you’re letting
down is yourself you know it was like
what if you let yourself down and you
don’t put your best into it it’s not
gonna affect anybody else but you and
you shouldn’t give in to the fear
because it’s just a black hole it’s just
suck the energy out of you and it does
restrict you and it places limitations
on your abilities and it doesn’t do you
any favors and divorce changed my game
of life for a better and you should try
every experience because one day you
will wish you did I’m glad I did for a
board in Hong Kong game no it was how I
meant scared for life out of me but I’m
really glad I did it and from this
experience I have found my passion and
in 2014 I wrote and published the only
support booklet available for young
people and their parents separate and
the NHS and schools in various parts of
England are currently using it and Here
I am last year with the Minister for
Family Justice and here’s an email
saying from the solicitor asking me to
speak at their Winterbourne
and I use this experience to create
change for others and help them change
their game
and that is potential for everyone to
create change so I do leave you with
some questions and why do we write for
bad experience to change our game of
life why don’t you just do what you’re
going to do for years I’ve wanted a high
pot I taught you so when I graduate I’m
gonna get myself a Harry Potter tattoo
and I believe it’s quite stagnates to
wait for bad experiences to give you
energy to motivate your life and that’s
it well thank you very much it wasn’t as
scary as what I thought was going to be
well thank you
[Applause]
I’ve just recently finished my law
degree and I’m quite happy to be here
but at the same time I’m a bit scared
she has to take it easy with me um I’m
here today to talk to you about the
liberation of change and how bad
experiences can actually be some of the
most positive experiences and and if you
haven’t already everything I don’t want
to upset you but every single person in
this room will have a bad experience and
you have to learn how to adapt to it and
then what skills you can get out of it
and one of the experiences I’ll be
talking to you today about my parents
divorce and at the time it was quite
like at what time I didn’t think there
was going to be way out of it but it
actually changed my life for positive
and you don’t have to answer these
questions but how many of you today have
had decisions made figure already and
how many of you today have been ignored
in decisions that affects your personal
academic and home life and how many of
you today have been affected by other
people’s actions and now can you imagine
being a child whose voice is ignored
when their parents are separating this
is me it’s a child and I’m the oldest
one
so I’m sixteen studying away and my main
goal is to get to university and then
the day my parents decided to separate
was the night of April 2012 and at the
time we were living in Cambridge but I
could tell from my accent I’m originally
from Birmingham and on this day my
father had returned I’m travelling and
he had been away for two months and we
hadn’t really had that much contact with
him I mean any was really weird
because he came back and he said to my
mom I want to get divorce and he said it
in front of me and my sisters and it
sounds really weird
he actually recorded my mom’s reaction
and which is very weird but of course my
mother did it takes his to kindly and I
mean I wouldn’t
about you and she em got arrested for
domestic violence and and I don’t agree
with violence but I do understand why
she did what she did and then my mother
never relocated back to Birmingham and
my grandparents and my father and then
decided to change the house locks and
which left me and my other sister out on
the streets and then I had to adapt
straightaway and find a new way to live
and provide for myself which is quite
difficult because I’ve only been in
Cambridge for six months so I hadn’t
built that support network for myself
and but when they separated I was quite
relieved because for 10 years from the
age of 10 I always knew they were gonna
separate I was just waiting for it to
happen and as a relationship between my
parents was over so was the family Union
which whilst it was sad it also was
quite freeing because I’d hit what
bottom and there was nowhere else I
could go I could I leave rebuild my life
and I know I member being in McGeoch of
the house Banta clinking my friend
asking for a place to stay for a night
and I also remember providing a witness
statement for my mother and being told
as well police that is quite rare for
children of parents to give statements
actually it’s quite funny because but my
mom got let out of the like like the
police station at midnight and I was
like getting drunk with my friends
the police rang me I was like oh we’ve
let your mom out and I was to appear too
drunk anyway um and I also remember
packing one suitcase of my belongings
not knowing at the time that was all old
be able to get out the house and if I
known at the time now maybe I would have
packed different items maybe photographs
instead of clothes and having limited
belongings is quite limiting Liberty
liberating sorry because it frees you of
any of the useless rubbish that you
don’t need
it also changes your perspective on life
because you realize life is a lot less
about materialistic items but a lot more
about having stability and feeling safe
and having that support network and so
for two months I lived between friends
houses and one friend four days a week
we have a friend three days a week and
at the same time was working 16 hours a
week at Greg Suhr Baker’s as well as
studying for my animals so this is a
time when my parents separated and I was
quite homeless but at the same time I
was quite happy and my father after rang
me being abusive and threatening and
four night before what I’m a massive
Harry Potter fan so I went to a last
Harry Potter premiere and you allowed
take home this big billboard it been
quite a lot to me but the night before
one of my exams my father sent me a text
message of it in four pieces saying um
you’ve got a piece for every wall now
and then he sent me quite a lot of text
messages as well with my bookcase and
bits and my embedding bits so of course
I did an all-nighter doing what I was
going to do and then following day I
walked in to do my exam and it was quite
clear I had no sleep and I had to sleep
on my teachers floor a couple of hours
before the exam just to get refreshed
and and my mother and then did relocate
back to Cambridge and I moved back in
with her however my mother’s mental have
drastically declined which resulted in a
mental breakdown on Boxing Day and she
left us actually in the Cayman shopping
centre which again was quite difficult
tries to get a lift back on Boxing Day
so yes again I remember frantically
ringing around
Brenna’s asking for help I also mean my
sister having an asthma attack because
she was that scared about what we were
going to do and I also remember my
ringing my dad as a last resort
who wasn’t actually in the area he was
in Birmingham asked him for a lift but
he men he asked his girlfriend to pick
us up who we had never met before
so as she cools kampala I guess it was
quite an awkward car ride home
so for 10 months I became the carer for
my younger sister why is my mother
sought treatment in Birmingham and I
also increased my hours at Gregor
Baker’s to help pay for food and other
day outgoings and I did sometimes go
about lunch to ensure my sister could
eat and what parents finally got
divorced at the end of my first year of
university I was quite happy that I was
over and done with and throughout the
entire process
I tried to get support on the internet
but all I found was quite negative news
articles saying I was more likely to
commit crime and drop out of education
and even develop diabetes and as a
result of my parents separation and at
that time my pet my goal was to get to
university so as you can imagine having
all these negative articles firing at
you it does take you back soma lack of
support annoyed me quite a lot because
as I was just into a new situation
I didn’t know how process of divorce
would entail or why my parents acted the
way they did like why my mum had a
mental breakdown and why my dad was
violent but then I asked myself what did
I want to support with and what was I
worried about and do I even need support
to have my voice heard and do I have a
white to have my voice heard because my
parents divorce was between them I am
the way I look at it I’m an object of
their marriage are not involved in their
marriage and what it really depends on
what do you think and what you need and
what do you want personally so I found
the experience of divorce quite
liberating and it changed my perspective
on life because I realized that it’s
perfectly acceptable to say to have your
voice heard and to say no to any
decisions that you don’t want because I
used to be the type of person that would
say yes to everything even if I didn’t
want to do it and there’s a quote if you
don’t like something change it and if
you can’t change it change your attitude
and this quote reflects my whole
experience Jo my parents separation and
I can’t change those parents separation
and I wouldn’t want to I
wish I could change away it happened
however I could to change how I feel and
how I adapt in a family situation and
now are two sides to divorce and how it
can change your game of life you can
even let it destroy you or make it
positive for you and the best part of
this whole experience was that was
completely free freeing having to
restart from scratch with my belongings
and adapt to a new family situation a
new house and even a new city because I
moved back to Bengal meant now was a new
baseline standard where I can simply
rebuild my way up I have lost a lot I am
aware of that but it allowed me to put
all my energy into the only thing that
mattered to me which is my education and
I recently did a year abroad in Hong
Kong which I would not have had the
confidence to do it was only because I
when my parents separated I was on my
own and I only had to provide for myself
so I had four skills already and now I
am handling my dissertation which is
actually about divorce and Jane for
divorce I didn’t doubt myself because I
knew I would get into university and I
don’t mean that to appear cocky but I
had an inner self belief and I ignored
all the critics and I did have massive
self-doubt I still do but not to me
extent that I used to have and the
divorce taught me that I have everything
I need to survive anyway you don’t need
materialist materialistic items I have
my sisters and my mother I’ve got the
air in my lungs and the clothes on my
back and a little self-doubt and little
self belief sorry goes a little way not
a self doubt we don’t want that and had
my parents still been together I really
don’t think I would have made it to
university and divorce allow me to learn
things about myself that I would not
have learnt anyway I like how strong I
am and how I know that whatever
experience comes my way I’ve got them
skills there although I have lost a lot
and it does make it difficult to get my
parents in a room together and I only
have one photograph of
from my childhood because my father
destroyed all the photographs and I am I
do find it quite difficult to trust
people but it’s a process that I’m
learning to improve and there were many
occasions where I became overwhelmed by
the situation that I could barely get
myself out I bet some mornings when I
was staying at my friend’s house her mom
literally one week had to drag me out of
bed I was like you’re going to school
you’re gonna do a levels and the fear of
the uncertain weren’t once useless and
is useless all it did was give in to the
voice in my head and that south critic
telling me that it wouldn’t be okay but
I’ve hit rock bottom I just need to
learn I just needed to learn how to
rebuild am I out I am complex but we all
are in this room every single one of us
in this room is a complex person and
whilst fear can be overwhelming you have
to give it your best shot because if you
don’t the only person you’re letting
down is yourself you know it was like
what if you let yourself down and you
don’t put your best into it it’s not
gonna affect anybody else but you and
you shouldn’t give in to the fear
because it’s just a black hole it’s just
suck the energy out of you and it does
restrict you and it places limitations
on your abilities and it doesn’t do you
any favors and divorce changed my game
of life for a better and you should try
every experience because one day you
will wish you did I’m glad I did for a
board in Hong Kong game no it was how I
meant scared for life out of me but I’m
really glad I did it and from this
experience I have found my passion and
in 2014 I wrote and published the only
support booklet available for young
people and their parents separate and
the NHS and schools in various parts of
England are currently using it and Here
I am last year with the Minister for
Family Justice and here’s an email
saying from the solicitor asking me to
speak at their Winterbourne
and I use this experience to create
change for others and help them change
their game
and that is potential for everyone to
create change so I do leave you with
some questions and why do we write for
bad experience to change our game of
life why don’t you just do what you’re
going to do for years I’ve wanted a high
pot I taught you so when I graduate I’m
gonna get myself a Harry Potter tattoo
and I believe it’s quite stagnates to
wait for bad experiences to give you
energy to motivate your life and that’s
it well thank you very much it wasn’t as
scary as what I thought was going to be
well thank you
[Applause]
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