your gender can you remember the day
when you said to yourself I am a man or
I am a woman for most people this is a
typically you find yourself floating
inside of a human womb with either a
penis or a vagina developing between
your primitive legs if you’re lucky you
make it outside you breathe for the
first time you feel the cold Hospital
air on your skin immediately you are
placed inside of a metaphorical box
labeled male or female a doctor looks at
your genitals and determines whether you
will be masculine or feminine this is
something that never sat well with me
why does the body that I was born with
determine my gender and how come I never
had a say in it
it didn’t take me long to start
exploring different types of gender
expression and identity this is me on a
sunny afternoon in Carlsbad California I
remember wearing those heels and
thinking about how fun it was to be a
little bit taller and they also made my
the white leather material is so soft I
femininity was too strong to keep inside
remember looking at myself in the mirror
as I press my purple lips together
I remember thinking about how pretty the
little girl was looking back at me
gender is something that affects our
lives every day stepping outside of the
house involves choosing clothes and how
you will express your gender a
performance begins as soon as you wake
up you go into your closet and you pull
out clothes you decide how you’re gonna
present your gender you go into the
bathroom you arrange the hair on your
head you arrange your face in your whole
body think about what you’re wearing
right now think about how long it took
you to find all the gendered clothing
that you’re wearing and all the hair
products and the smells the way you walk
and the way you talk and the way you
think gender affects our lives more did
we even realize it
I remember watching my mother through
her crack door as she curled her
eyelashes she must have saw my
reflection in the mirror because she
playfully chased me with the curlers
pretending they had teeth she was a fan
of prints and was intrigued by the idea
of a man being feminine she was open to
the idea of me expressing my femininity
and my gender identity my father was not
being an active duty in the Marines left
little room for femininity and gender
expression I remember him coming home
angry
the learning that I had been wearing
makeup with my mother or running around
and high-heeled shoes he would pull me
aside after noticing that I was watching
punky brewster and asked why are you
watching her show that’s for girls this
led to a push for masculine behavior and
masculine toys and games my makeup was
replaced with a little toy gun and my
high heels were replaced with combat
boots punky brewster was replaced with
he-man in the eighteen and the
Thundercats but I didn’t mind being like
that he was a badass with a cool haircut
and a little masculinity never hurt
anyone still I found myself wanting to
be more feminine I remember being in a
skipping showers this was the only
privacy I had to try an eyeshadow or the
new dress that my cousin had bought I
was 12 years old when I first shaved my
legs I was hiding under my bed under my
sheets on my bed and I had the head of
an old disposable razor my legs itch for
a week but I cherished the tiny sliver
of femininity under my bed was a yellow
summer dress that belonged to my sister
I had developed a sleep pattern that
allowed me to wake up before everyone
else so I can take the dress off and
have breakfast my femininity was a
secret that I could never share the
secret exploration continued into my
adult life in the form of dressing up
when no one was home or wearing makeup
when
everyone was asleep being romantically
involved with someone meant they had
rules that most people follow concerning
gender were nearly impossible for me to
obey in my mind breaking these rules
meant being hurt physically or
emotionally or even worse being
unlovable if living the life were being
myself was wrong then I was wrong and if
I was wrong I didn’t want to be around
anymore it became clear to me that my
survival depended on me expressing
myself fully not just the Parsis Society
thought were okay but what does it mean
to be masculine or feminine in the
1800’s men were things that today would
be considered processing the first
high-heeled shoes were worn by Persian
male horseback riders in Afghanistan
young girls are forced to wear masculine
clothes when there aren’t enough girls
in the family or enough boys in the
family so they can accompany their
sisters down the street someone who was
born with a penis and wears red lipstick
shouldn’t be afraid to ride the bus
expressing your gender shouldn’t come at
the price of physical or emotional abuse
what if women could go into work and
wouldn’t have to worry about their
what if men could express their emotions
and not constantly be told to man up the
world would be a much more inviting
place to live especially for people like
me who lives so contrary to what society
someone born with a vagina doesn’t have
to shave their legs and someone born
with a penis should feel free to shave
their legs the only person that gets to
when I was wearing those high-heeled
shoes all I wanted was to feel loved and
to feel safe
I needed a world we’re being born with a
penis and being feminine wasn’t so
all I needed when I was hiding under
those sheets was to leave those sheets
and to tell my father I’m a girl for one
moment consider who you would be without
your gender think about the oppressive
nature of the gender binary and how you
walk and talk and speak and how you
communicate with each other if it wasn’t
for everything you were taught about
gender who would you be right now maybe
that person has been inside of you all
this time thank you [Applause]
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