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The Future of Psychology | Boris Šurija | TEDxMokrin


I put a file in northern Monica robots
come down now mr. microphone said the
McNamara lip licker okay super mocha
supervisor England scandal I will create
crack Capricia this is an honest story
and the story about struggle I currently
have with my friend it’s a dear friend
of mine it’s a guy that I grew up with
it’s the guy that’s not a bad guy
but he cannot help himself he’s
constantly lying to me and when I catch
him but he lies he tells me I’m done I’m
never gonna lie to you anymore and I
believe him he’s a friend okay so he
lies for example about things that you
don’t need to lie about he was telling
me that he was the most popular kid in
elementary school and I believed why not
his friend why shouldn’t he be however
on a family gathering on his birthday
his mother was telling that he’s
actually was very shy kid he was not
popular he would blush we’re going to
the school and he was very awkward with
meeting new people and I asked him why
are you lying about those things it was
so long ago I don’t care I like you my
friend why do we love lie lie about your
life narrative I didn’t get answered
that satisfies me he would also like the
things that are related to his lifestyle
he would tell me that Wow
I’m all on top ketosis you know the keto
diet he’s not eating sugar sugars are
bad when I would eat sugar he would tell
me that that’s that’s something I
shouldn’t though the sugar is killing
the connection between body mind and
spirit blah blah blah and I said okay
it’s your choice so one Friday we we
went out we drank a bit and we went to
his apartment to watch a movie I found a
bunch of chocolates all over the
apartment in a trash can and I said why
are you lying that you are living the
laughter you’re not living and again no
answer that satisfied me and he would
also wipe out stupid things like dude I
want to go on a pool before work so will
you join me
yeah of course see you tomorrow in 7:00
a.m. and he never show up
so are you gonna come tomorrow tell me
yes
Tuesday nothing Wednesday nothing and
again I don’t understand why is he so
inconsistent and this is something I’m
not even sure should I share because of
the federal guidelines but he was
supposed to write my TED talk and he was
supposed to write my TED talk until end
of August so I have time to prepare
inside say something good to you and the
end of August came and asked him hey
like how it’s going I’m just finishing
okay okay cool send tomorrow
few days past Harvey standing just there
and I became anxious I need to give a
talk he was supposed to work it nothing
happens three decks ago I was crazy send
me something nothing and he start
writing and thinking and writing you
know when he sent me the last text one
hour ago
and obviously the friend that likes to
me is me I am someone who’s lying
constantly to me about my life story
about what I’m gonna do tomorrow and
I’ll do other people because I thought
things I believed to be true and then
the question is what’s true how could I
know what’s true I mean we are just
animals that are living in a world
that’s more and more built for rabbits
and between our all environment in the
new environment we created the language
language helps us package our existence
into words that became phrases when we
repeat them they become common they
become common sense and we don’t
question things that are common sense so
that’s the problem with knowing anything
in this in this life especially for me
who’s living from trying to know
anything about people in this world and
bigger problem is the future so when
they told me the topic is the future of
the TED talk I was like oh I don’t know
anything about feature
I feel so incompetent to tell you
anything about future because I’m so
wrong about
myself on a daily level how can I tell
you the future of something there is no
chance so then I said okay if I cannot
tell you anything about future I can
tell you something about the mistakes I
did in past I can tell you about how
testing the things that I consider to be
common-sense helped me reveal something
which is not true so those things I call
temporary truths those are things I
believe to be real for few months maybe
maybe year who knows but I don’t take
them for granted and you can probably
recognize some of the things that
everyone is telling in our region here
when you visit your countryside your
grandmother always gives you all the
food she can she fills the plate I said
I’m done
no eat more she fills the plate I’m done
no you’re not eat more you need to eat
everything on your plate because you
should never try food because there are
some people who are hungry so it’s
better to stuff yourself and throw the
food and then by listening advice of my
grandmother I lose the connection with
my body I don’t know when I should stop
eating
you put horse in front of me I’m gonna
eat it you put a little bit I’m gonna
eat it we lost the connection with our
bodies by following the advice of the
previous generation in the common sense
is don’t maybe listen everything your
grandmother says says to you I know of
people who are unemployed who are
telling me that I should read daily news
I don’t read any daily news and they are
telling me I’m missing out about so many
things because I don’t know what’s going
on they are unemployed at the same time
having the time to read it and the need
for information is like flourishing
there is the whole thing about big data
have a lot of data have a lot of
insights you can be smarter more data
you have very often makes you more
stupid because you cannot zoom out and
someone who works with data I can tell
you that you cannot zoom out and find
the principles one very concrete example
if you want do something good for your
body don’t measure your weight every
going on the Facebook going to the news
portals every hour a few times a day is
like stepping on a scale and trying to
understand your body in every hour by
hour so the comments ends here bean form
I’m thinking and I’m saying it I’m
leaving be uninformed you’re gonna learn
much more about the world because you’re
the thing I discover somehow by being on
my first job is that smokers have
special privileges they can go outside
on a balcony they can take the cigarette
look around and everyone think that’s
perfectly normal when I went outside and
just look at the sky as well dude I was
viewed oh I was viewed oh I was ashamed
like I’m just sitting looking at the sky
regenerating that’s not normal and I
said that’s normal I don’t need excuse
to regenerate myself in the middle of
the day similar to this is when people
are saying in the office and pretending
to work 9:00 to 5:00 and rather being on
Facebook than just looking at the
ceiling and try to think a bit so this
is false they also told me that like you
should know your real skills you should
be very curated about what you can
achieve and I thought okay maybe so
because when I was 20 years old I wanted
to go in Paris for four months I didn’t
have any money I didn’t have way to be
there in Paris so I found a group of
writers whose writing on French and they
asked them can I just be here with you
and kind of writing creation and just
like to learn to write a bit etc and
they told him come and I come and then
there was a course there was a
competition organized by the French
director a legendary theater director
that who writes the best story from all
the world he’s going to be invited play
in the theatre and write a screenplay
with him so I wrote a short story and my
friend translated it
and they send me email this is the best
story unique to come to Paris and work
with us your French is awesome
your written threat is incredible we
just want to check how is your
conversational French okay of course you
can do that so they gave me a call and
my friend answered on perfect french and
said well you come everything is paid
you’ve worked for months in Paris in the
theatre with us and I was like yes and
then I forget for two months about it so
now I’m in a train going for Paris to
write a screenplay for a theatre play in
a language I don’t know and I don’t know
how to act by the way so I start to
panic and I’m opening the dictionary
somehow believing that I should know
those words at least some and I’m
opening the dictionary I don’t know word
of course I I never studied French so
what I did I called my friend and told
him please tell me exactly how to
memorize
I’m psychologist I’m very shy please
leave me alone for two weeks okay so it
was playing an artistic side then he
told me and I just memorize you see but
he’s you see a 2d or like I just tried
to say it perfectly and they said I
don’t speak very well so I apologize and
they were like how humble he is like his
psychologist
he’s an artist that’s so great so after
a week I told everyone who are not
organisers of course that I don’t speak
any French and they were like okay
you’re crazy but you stay with us on
secondly director was giving me concrete
instructions where my answer regular
answer to him was ve to come home wasn’t
enough and he’s telling me something
I’ve read you control and he starts to
understand I don’t understand and I’m
starting to be read and shame and he
starts to be angry he’s 80 year old guy
who survived the concentration camp and
everyone around was waiting for that
moment for for for whole time and he
said you’re done we can show you
tomorrow come to speak with us I’m 20
year old in the Paris they’re gonna sue
me so what to do I didn’t know and they
came and they told me you are guy from
Croatia
Tito funny enough
invested in his theater play in 68 and
parakeets played in that creation actors
so you’re gonna stay here you’re gonna
learn French and you’re gonna
participate in this event so again I did
something I didn’t plan I didn’t believe
I didn’t overthink and I wasn’t
questioning my abilities because they
were no abilities to the facade so yes
you can do that you ice give it a try
yeah one thing I discovered is that
because I I moved with the languages I
hate learning languages it’s boring for
me I like talking to people but I hate
learning so I was not very good in the
language but one insight I gained from a
girlfriend when she when we were very
young in elementary school she told me
that for her it’s much easier to be
honest on English than Croatian and I
didn’t understand like how come your
English is also not perfect and then
like growing up I started to write the
dictionary in English and I realized the
if I know language very bad and write
about myself
I can say such honest things such as 30
things that I cannot kind of rationalize
in my own in my own language Croatian
language so when you write like a
dictionary try to use the language that
you’re not it’s not your native people
who change your opinions are shallow
that’s the thinking when you are young
when you are in puberty when you’re
listening to the rap music it’s all
about principles it’s all about being
true to yourself it’s all about you
never gonna change you’re gonna stay
underground forever
so I believed that you should never
change
it was completely opposite to the thing
I like to learn and I like to I like
kind of to investigate the world so this
is the thing that I believe and the
fixed attitude is one of the curses of
the mind
so my discovery was I should change
constantly because the change is only
constant and this one is very personal
it was like if you truly love your
girlfriend you will have no need for
solitude you will become
instantly connected either by phone
either physically so when I was 17 my
professor she showed me the picture of
Nepal because she was with Buddhist
monks in Nepal and I said the first
opportunity I have I’m gonna go there
for three months the opportunity came
and I was 21 and I was in a relationship
there then and my girlfriend is going
crazy that we’re gonna separate my
feeling of separation because I left her
everyday because I was connecting with
myself and kind of disconnecting from
everyday chaos I start to love her more
and more day by day started to see all
the little things that she gave to me so
solitude can actually help you
understand why you love other people
that’s the power of being disconnected
every now and then and this is something
very hard to describe when you enter
into relationship I need a few days to
love you more very hard it’s a very hard
sell but I think it’s supported to try
to give you the cell yeah so one of the
things that somehow when I was in the
startup community I managed to enter
into World Economic Forum in Davos when
I didn’t have any money for the suits
and suits are not kind of my thing so
they all told me like buy something buy
shirt buy suit they’re in a billionaires
and other people and some random guys
like you but you should at least pretend
that you have a suit I didn’t have a
suit I couldn’t pretend so I printed the
shirts with like almost high-school
stupid things here walking around
billionaires and like can we hard code
wisdom on a chip and it could visit them
on a chip stupid questions like that and
signed by behavioural Boris I’m just
like walking around like this so
remember a guy who approached me a
Michael a big guy who asked me Boris
what does that mean and I invented
something that was completely stupid and
he said wow it was a very nice story
nice to meet you
and it was Michael Dell so like you can
speak with the people like random and
intrigue them just by being obviously
authentic or different there so yes you
can walk around world economic forum
just wearing t-shirts with prints if you
make your mom cry you did something
wrong all my good decisions alive
not to go to nauseam but very shitty
school sheep ride I decided to study
history of art she cried because you
cannot get employed by studying history
part then I said laughs I don’t like
that I’m going to psychology she cried
because I will find even later and then
I got the first job I quit she cried I
started the company she cried so if your
mama cries for something it’s not
necessarily a bad thing like leave thing
that guides you inside she’s gonna kill
me see see this okay
people who never read the book will
probably have manual job the first book
I read was when I was 18 years old I’m
very slow reader and the way I read just
because I was slow is to read the
sentence gets tired and think about how
to apply that sentence in real life and
that made me for me not read on
informational level but experiential
level so I feel like book for me is not
education but training because I go
through it
with my own experience the best way to
impress a date is to tell impressive
stories this is so wrong I wasn’t the
most boring date in my life I was with
you on a date with a woman that just
spoke about herself I have a soul board
I asked her three question I’m coming
home semi depressed and she’s sending
the message you are the most interesting
person I ever met
people love to speak about themselves
just give them the opportunity and they
gonna love you okay so you don’t need to
impress anyone just ask questions yes
successful people right there is a way
to be successful they’re organized they
are rational they are decent they’re
dead a friend of mine he is 20 years 20
guess 28 years he’s the most successful
person I know he comes to my place with
Lamborghini he you wouldn’t employ him
in any company so you can already advice
about how should you be to achieve
something and this is something you
learn for the people who are very
successful and around you I’m going to
skip this one because I don’t believe in
this one if you’re Google start with big
purpose no soul problem then invent the
purpose the heartbeat
okay the game of chess is metaphor for
life good metaphor no chess is well
defined game which rules and life is not
well defined game so don’t be good at
chess just observe people around
yourself happy people stay happy but
avoiding sad people the happiest person
I know it’s 26 year old woman that
volunteers with people who are
terminally ill that you don’t need happy
people around yourself to be fulfilled
the more TED Talks you watch the better
for you not observed people just don’t
watch and continue materials all the
time in the end
common sense is put into the words and
words define your role so please just
try to uncommon common sense every now
and then and find your own truth by
looking yourself and people around
yourself who’ve done thank you [Applause]
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