a few years ago I did some research and
it’s a sailing race around the world
yacht race identical boats the only
thing different with the cruise and it’s
fantastic I got to go and sit and speak
to people and hear their stories about
their race and what they were
experiencing
assuming they would have difficulty
getting their attention because they’re
back on board back in port and there I
am with my clipboard turns out I was
quite a point of interest because I was
a first person for them to speak to that
wasn’t true
that wasn’t the skipper that wasn’t
their friends or family I was a face to
just talk at and in that moment I got a
lot of insight about what it is to work
in teams and in leadership under
pressure
the winning became a very small part of
a race now bear in mind it is a race so
we assumed we can collect some data
we’d have an output of a race with an
endpoint and we’d be able to figure what
would make an interesting team so few
people were interested in the actual
winning of the race it became important
as the race went on but as they started
it was either to win to be in the top
three so just have a podium top half not
the bottom half not last raising money
for charity raising awareness for
charity and one lady was I just want to
see dolphins and the Golden Gate Bridge
that’s winning for me but one of the
skippers so one of the skippers had this
eye basically he was saying I want the
boat to be a happy vote I’ve spoken to
the crew and we all agree we want a
happy boat you know it’s really
important I mean I’d love to win I’d
love to win but I want a happy boats I
really want a happy but enough the crew
will agree you know happy boat I’d love
to win I mean I would really love to win
but we’ve all agreed this happy boat and
as a researcher I can’t coach back I was
not a human thinking this is an
incongruence and what you’re saying and
what you’re doing because when I spoke
to his crew what I got from them was he
says he wants a happy boat it
like a happy boat sometimes he shouts at
us when I asked why are you shouting us
as he said I’m not shouting at you I’m
shouting to you I know the difference
between being shouted at and shouted to
so this in congruence of behavior of
when we say we want something and when
we actually behave is something that
really interested me in leadership so
the work that I do I work with lots of
leaders from around the world and
different levels of leadership public
sector private sector third sector and
I’m really interested in how do we
develop our integrity and not integrity
in a to be held on a platform to be held
as something saintly my own integrity
what did I believe in what do I care
about what are my values
what’s my instinct where’s my trust and
typically when I’m working with people I
design programs to put them under
pressure so that when I say I want
something and when I’m actually pushed
sometimes those two things don’t line up
and I push and I prod and I poke and
sometimes at the end people don’t like
me very much because I’m the one going
on with a mirror but what what caught me
was my looking at this integrity and
some people that really want integrity
including myself I want to be trusted I
want to be believed
I want my worked matter to be credible
and when you’re doing research sometimes
it can be held up as a beacon and I was
drawn attention to this a few years ago
I was on the train it was early in the
morning and there was a lady on a tube
and her skirt was stapled up so the hem
of her skirt had staples all the way
along it I thought what kind of morning
has this lady had that she’s already got
her skirt stapled up it actually caught
on her tight so just as Vanessa so I got
to the conference that I was heading to
and she was the keynote speaker a
work-life balance conference
and I was struck by the I can’t get past
the skirt I can’t get past the skirt
until she spoke about her research and
it was amazing she was a fantastic
speaker her research spoke for itself
and it was fantastic
but the skirt calls me some trouble
eventually I let go of it and so
whenever I research something I always
have this sort of if I’m going to stand
in front of a group of people I want to
know that I’ve looked at myself in the
topic that I’m going to be researching
so when I started recognizing some of
these in congruence of behaviors with
integrity wanting to be intake having
integrity I thought I can’t look at
others behavior in in terms of integrity
if I then link it to hypocrisy so
integrity to me is do I still believe
this do I still act with this do I still
think this when I’m under pressure and
when I think no one’s looking so if I’m
still doing it then then to me that’s
where my integrity sits hypocrisy is
when do as I say and not as I do
and the gap between those two things and
in hypocrisy there’s that there’s an
underlying assumption that it’s
intentional I’m going to say these
things but I’m going to do something
different and there’s something kind of
deceitful about hypocrisy and so having
realized hypocrisy was sitting at the
heart of my inquiry of wanting to
research other people’s hypocrisy I
thought I’m going to have to spend some
time looking at my own so I could with
credibility think about hypocrisy from
the other person’s perspective and as I
realized that moment I thought this is
going to be really awkward I am going to
have to look at my own hypocrisy so what
did I find I did a first person and
second person inquiry across about six
eight months I experimented with putting
myself under pressure I the work that I
do is fairly pressured and a lot of the
work we do with participants we will
wire them up so heart rate variance
monitors we were talked about earlier
measuring the gap between the heartbeats
gives you an indication of the amount of
dren alone you produce or the rest of
every that you have and so for many of
the programs I was working on because
this is where I was I was watching and
spotting and observing people’s
behaviors leaders under pressure in a
simulation but not only leaders mothers
and fathers parents who are elderly who
might be sick dentist appointments
doctor dogs that need to go to the vets
life is very complex for the leaders
that I’m working with decisions don’t
come easily typically they need to have
all the data they’ve got to prove
themselves their board members or
whomever I need to have lots of data or
the platform has to be burning for me to
make a decision the decision in the
middle that rests on instincts on trust
or guts on experience never quite feels
enough sometimes so Data Platform
burning so we’re putting them under
quite a lot of pressure in the
environment that we’re working in so as
part of that I will heart rate variance
monitors across the programs I was
working with and where I what I found
sort of falls into three categories
about how we judge others how we justify
ourselves and also how we judge
ourselves so if I think about judging
others so as I’ve said some leaders say
one thing do something else particularly
under pressure so for example I’ll give
you another example a man I was working
with before the simulation before we put
them to the pressure on I asked him what
you know what kind of person he was he
said I absolutely believe in a great
Network I stand back I see the big
picture and I bring people together
under pressure I saw a different side
and thereafter he kept during the
simulation he came up to me said how am
i doing how do you think I’m doing can I
have some feedback and I said how do you
think you’re do you know because I was
in a my kind of problem like how do you
think you’ll do and he said well I’ve
worked the room I’ve worked out where
the power is and now I just need to get
close to the throne right okay I said so
that is quite incongruent with what
you’d said before about being this great
Network I’m bringing people together oh
I wouldn’t do that in the real world I
wouldn’t do that in the real I said
this is the real world you are in the
real world this is you this is you
responding under pressure and so we had
this moment and because he was arguing
back and I went under pressure because I
could see the spikes on my on my
adrenaline and afterwards rather than
hearing and seeing the in congruence of
his behavior I began to label him
hypocrite I think you’re being a hip I
was thinking in my head you’re being a
hypocrite you’re being it and it wasn’t
in that moment he does have to pay
attention to the in congruence of what
he’s saying or what he’s doing but that
doesn’t make him a hypocrite because
there’s not an intention behind it he’s
not intending to deceive he’s not
intending to lie he’s having an
experience that he’s may never have had
before this is a side of him he’s not
experienced before to have this behavior
come out this sort of need to protect
and to look after himself
so in those moments yes I absolutely
need to give feedback to someone if
that’s my job at that moment that pay
attention to the incongruent so if any
leaders are watching do pay attention to
the in congruence of what you say and
what you do but when I’m under pressure
I noticed I can jump to conclusions
about the person and there’s something
called a fundamental attribution error
where I know my situation I know my
what’s going on for me the context that
I’m working in but I don’t know yours
and it’s you as a person so I agree bad
things because I’m having a bad
experience at the moment I’m in a bad
situation the fundamental attribution
error means that when you do bad things
it’s because you’re a bad person or
you’re you know so it’s really paying
attention when you are under pressure
and to remember that there are two ways
of looking at this behavior and like
Schrodinger’s cat that’s both alive and
dead at the same time there was a I
believe is athis reading as intention
Schrodinger’s intention where it’s both
one thing and another so that has really
helped me and others that I’ve been
working with so remember if I’m under
pressure if I’m not under pressure as
long as I can remember to pause and
remember the Schrodinger’s intention if
I even if I’m under pressure I’m a
to leap to a conclusion I can bring
myself back to can be more curious and
empathetic about the behaviors I’m
seeing rather than the behavior that I’m
labeling which then brings me back to
justifying myself so the other thing
that I found out and through inquiry
with second with other people was how we
can tell ourselves very compelling
stories that justify why we do what we
do really compelling stories they’re
stories that we tell ourselves to be
able to say oh I the reason I’m doing
that is because of X Y or Z to be able
to tell a very pedantic truth you know
you literally go to the letter of the
law when you’re defending yourself
against yourself because ultimately
you’ve done something that goes against
what you’ve said you were going to do
and someone’s called you on it and
something you’re like all the stories
that we tell ourselves are really
compelling and it’s those stories are
very useful in some respects they can
keep us involved they can keep us
committed they can help us see a
brighter future but we have to be very
mindful of when we flip that over and it
actually becomes a bit like a lie to
ourselves and can’t you know the
philosopher you know the philosopher
Kant would say you know lying is a
terrible thing you know you’re no more
than a object if you lie and it’s even
worse if you lie to yourself apparently
deceiving is okay according to Kant
lying is really bad and so it’s
recognizing is this true or is this a
story that I’m telling myself and one of
the people I spoke to in my inquiry said
I’m only lying to myself it doesn’t
matter it almost doesn’t matter about
the other person in those moments of
justifying what we’re doing what we’re
doing is lying to ourselves so holding
that in your mind of when you’re giving
yourself an excuse of why you’re doing
what you’re doing or why you’re not
doing what you said you were going to do
and then the final sort of slightly what
so that that can come from a lack of
self-awareness you know I just don’t
know about myself in that situation and
I have this very strong concept of who I
want to be or who I think I am or and I
truly believe it so when times are good
I do truly
that the things I say it’s just under
pressure sometimes that changes and the
gap between the conviction knowing with
conviction and doing with conviction a
chorus can be quite large when we’re
under pressure the more painful side of
working with hypocrisy under pressure or
working with integrity which can lead to
Apocrypha under pressure is the
responsibility we put on ourselves when
we have our values when we understand
where they go under pressure we have a
good idea of what we really value and
yet in the complex world that we’re
living in where things are changing all
the time decisions need to be made
sometimes and often in conflict with
each other wanting to hold on to those
values wanting to hold on to what’s
really important
yet the environment is forcing us a bit
like the waves the waves are coming and
they’re forcing us to make decisions
that go against our values that is a
very painful experience and I can speak
from my own experience but also from the
work that I was doing with other people
so for example even just a simple going
to a coaching session so work with lots
of leaders to take a two hour coaching
session if I was the leader I want to be
I would be with my team now there’s
something happening at the office I
should be with my team but I also have
this coaching session for two hours it’s
going to take me away from where I feel
like I’m needed because if I were the
leader that I want to be I would be with
them but I’m not I’m now going to this
coaching session and this prioritization
of values when we have such strong
values and we really know what we’ve
what matters to us when the organization
puts us in a position that goes against
our values can be painful and I and I do
genuinely mean painful I don’t mean a
bit uncomfortable can be lead to some
real strong anxiety of trying to keep
the values that you value compared with
what you’re being asked to do so what
can you do about it
what ultimi can you do about it because
I do know through the experience that
I’ve had personally
but also the experience of when working
with others something that’s really
important to two or three things are
really valuable one is making sure you
have we’ve talked a lot about energy
today have the energy to stop yourself
leaping to the conclusions judging
others justifying yourself judging
yourself painful processes taking the
time to get some good energy taking the
time to get some rest taking the time to
get good sleep these are all lovely
things to say and it’s quite utopian but
it isn’t always easy and nobody else
will do it for you so it’s how do you
set in some new habits to make yourself
have the good time to sleep to eat well
to drink lots of water and even as I’m
saying this now I’m fully aware of
feeling like a complete hypocrite
because I find it really difficult to
remember to even fill the water up to
remember to get some good sleep to
remember it is difficult the difficult
reality of life and yet it’s essential
the second part it’s a bit similar to
climb in the Matterhorn put yourself in
situations where you don’t know how
you’re going to respond so very often we
we know what we’re good at we know where
we Excel and we know and I’m gonna do
this because I can excel even more put
yourself in situations that you don’t
know and sometimes they can be really
quite unusual so some of my best
learning about myself was I went to
Edinburgh Festival I wasn’t taking part
I was going to visit friends I went to
visit friends who are comedians and I’d
left it too late to book a hotel in the
city because they were now very
expensive the ones are out of the city
were too much effort to go back and
forth by bus and I thought you know what
I’m open to things I make open to
experience I’m open to new people so I
booked the backpackers in the center of
Edinburgh turns out I’m not turns out
I’m not so 10 bunk beds
turns out I think about hygiene because
there was a lady in the next bed it’s
the most petty example but what I
learned about myself in terms of
tolerance politeness making excuses not
wanting to say do you mind not dropping
magazines off of the top bunk of the bed
at six o’clock in the morning because
she’s got her right to be here she said
she said this is her space as well as
well as my space it’s she’s entire to
she’s entitled to be sending emails not
on silent she’s entitled to do that and
rather than say so would you mind
I was very British and I stayed very
polite and I didn’t say a word I just
ended up collapsing and going back to
sleep because it was just easier than
dealing with it so find ways to put
yourself under pressure to work out what
values and instincts and beliefs that
you have that you may not even know you
had so you don’t find yourself faced
with in congruence between what you say and what you do thank you very much
it’s a sailing race around the world
yacht race identical boats the only
thing different with the cruise and it’s
fantastic I got to go and sit and speak
to people and hear their stories about
their race and what they were
experiencing
assuming they would have difficulty
getting their attention because they’re
back on board back in port and there I
am with my clipboard turns out I was
quite a point of interest because I was
a first person for them to speak to that
wasn’t true
that wasn’t the skipper that wasn’t
their friends or family I was a face to
just talk at and in that moment I got a
lot of insight about what it is to work
in teams and in leadership under
pressure
the winning became a very small part of
a race now bear in mind it is a race so
we assumed we can collect some data
we’d have an output of a race with an
endpoint and we’d be able to figure what
would make an interesting team so few
people were interested in the actual
winning of the race it became important
as the race went on but as they started
it was either to win to be in the top
three so just have a podium top half not
the bottom half not last raising money
for charity raising awareness for
charity and one lady was I just want to
see dolphins and the Golden Gate Bridge
that’s winning for me but one of the
skippers so one of the skippers had this
eye basically he was saying I want the
boat to be a happy vote I’ve spoken to
the crew and we all agree we want a
happy boat you know it’s really
important I mean I’d love to win I’d
love to win but I want a happy boats I
really want a happy but enough the crew
will agree you know happy boat I’d love
to win I mean I would really love to win
but we’ve all agreed this happy boat and
as a researcher I can’t coach back I was
not a human thinking this is an
incongruence and what you’re saying and
what you’re doing because when I spoke
to his crew what I got from them was he
says he wants a happy boat it
like a happy boat sometimes he shouts at
us when I asked why are you shouting us
as he said I’m not shouting at you I’m
shouting to you I know the difference
between being shouted at and shouted to
so this in congruence of behavior of
when we say we want something and when
we actually behave is something that
really interested me in leadership so
the work that I do I work with lots of
leaders from around the world and
different levels of leadership public
sector private sector third sector and
I’m really interested in how do we
develop our integrity and not integrity
in a to be held on a platform to be held
as something saintly my own integrity
what did I believe in what do I care
about what are my values
what’s my instinct where’s my trust and
typically when I’m working with people I
design programs to put them under
pressure so that when I say I want
something and when I’m actually pushed
sometimes those two things don’t line up
and I push and I prod and I poke and
sometimes at the end people don’t like
me very much because I’m the one going
on with a mirror but what what caught me
was my looking at this integrity and
some people that really want integrity
including myself I want to be trusted I
want to be believed
I want my worked matter to be credible
and when you’re doing research sometimes
it can be held up as a beacon and I was
drawn attention to this a few years ago
I was on the train it was early in the
morning and there was a lady on a tube
and her skirt was stapled up so the hem
of her skirt had staples all the way
along it I thought what kind of morning
has this lady had that she’s already got
her skirt stapled up it actually caught
on her tight so just as Vanessa so I got
to the conference that I was heading to
and she was the keynote speaker a
work-life balance conference
and I was struck by the I can’t get past
the skirt I can’t get past the skirt
until she spoke about her research and
it was amazing she was a fantastic
speaker her research spoke for itself
and it was fantastic
but the skirt calls me some trouble
eventually I let go of it and so
whenever I research something I always
have this sort of if I’m going to stand
in front of a group of people I want to
know that I’ve looked at myself in the
topic that I’m going to be researching
so when I started recognizing some of
these in congruence of behaviors with
integrity wanting to be intake having
integrity I thought I can’t look at
others behavior in in terms of integrity
if I then link it to hypocrisy so
integrity to me is do I still believe
this do I still act with this do I still
think this when I’m under pressure and
when I think no one’s looking so if I’m
still doing it then then to me that’s
where my integrity sits hypocrisy is
when do as I say and not as I do
and the gap between those two things and
in hypocrisy there’s that there’s an
underlying assumption that it’s
intentional I’m going to say these
things but I’m going to do something
different and there’s something kind of
deceitful about hypocrisy and so having
realized hypocrisy was sitting at the
heart of my inquiry of wanting to
research other people’s hypocrisy I
thought I’m going to have to spend some
time looking at my own so I could with
credibility think about hypocrisy from
the other person’s perspective and as I
realized that moment I thought this is
going to be really awkward I am going to
have to look at my own hypocrisy so what
did I find I did a first person and
second person inquiry across about six
eight months I experimented with putting
myself under pressure I the work that I
do is fairly pressured and a lot of the
work we do with participants we will
wire them up so heart rate variance
monitors we were talked about earlier
measuring the gap between the heartbeats
gives you an indication of the amount of
dren alone you produce or the rest of
every that you have and so for many of
the programs I was working on because
this is where I was I was watching and
spotting and observing people’s
behaviors leaders under pressure in a
simulation but not only leaders mothers
and fathers parents who are elderly who
might be sick dentist appointments
doctor dogs that need to go to the vets
life is very complex for the leaders
that I’m working with decisions don’t
come easily typically they need to have
all the data they’ve got to prove
themselves their board members or
whomever I need to have lots of data or
the platform has to be burning for me to
make a decision the decision in the
middle that rests on instincts on trust
or guts on experience never quite feels
enough sometimes so Data Platform
burning so we’re putting them under
quite a lot of pressure in the
environment that we’re working in so as
part of that I will heart rate variance
monitors across the programs I was
working with and where I what I found
sort of falls into three categories
about how we judge others how we justify
ourselves and also how we judge
ourselves so if I think about judging
others so as I’ve said some leaders say
one thing do something else particularly
under pressure so for example I’ll give
you another example a man I was working
with before the simulation before we put
them to the pressure on I asked him what
you know what kind of person he was he
said I absolutely believe in a great
Network I stand back I see the big
picture and I bring people together
under pressure I saw a different side
and thereafter he kept during the
simulation he came up to me said how am
i doing how do you think I’m doing can I
have some feedback and I said how do you
think you’re do you know because I was
in a my kind of problem like how do you
think you’ll do and he said well I’ve
worked the room I’ve worked out where
the power is and now I just need to get
close to the throne right okay I said so
that is quite incongruent with what
you’d said before about being this great
Network I’m bringing people together oh
I wouldn’t do that in the real world I
wouldn’t do that in the real I said
this is the real world you are in the
real world this is you this is you
responding under pressure and so we had
this moment and because he was arguing
back and I went under pressure because I
could see the spikes on my on my
adrenaline and afterwards rather than
hearing and seeing the in congruence of
his behavior I began to label him
hypocrite I think you’re being a hip I
was thinking in my head you’re being a
hypocrite you’re being it and it wasn’t
in that moment he does have to pay
attention to the in congruence of what
he’s saying or what he’s doing but that
doesn’t make him a hypocrite because
there’s not an intention behind it he’s
not intending to deceive he’s not
intending to lie he’s having an
experience that he’s may never have had
before this is a side of him he’s not
experienced before to have this behavior
come out this sort of need to protect
and to look after himself
so in those moments yes I absolutely
need to give feedback to someone if
that’s my job at that moment that pay
attention to the incongruent so if any
leaders are watching do pay attention to
the in congruence of what you say and
what you do but when I’m under pressure
I noticed I can jump to conclusions
about the person and there’s something
called a fundamental attribution error
where I know my situation I know my
what’s going on for me the context that
I’m working in but I don’t know yours
and it’s you as a person so I agree bad
things because I’m having a bad
experience at the moment I’m in a bad
situation the fundamental attribution
error means that when you do bad things
it’s because you’re a bad person or
you’re you know so it’s really paying
attention when you are under pressure
and to remember that there are two ways
of looking at this behavior and like
Schrodinger’s cat that’s both alive and
dead at the same time there was a I
believe is athis reading as intention
Schrodinger’s intention where it’s both
one thing and another so that has really
helped me and others that I’ve been
working with so remember if I’m under
pressure if I’m not under pressure as
long as I can remember to pause and
remember the Schrodinger’s intention if
I even if I’m under pressure I’m a
to leap to a conclusion I can bring
myself back to can be more curious and
empathetic about the behaviors I’m
seeing rather than the behavior that I’m
labeling which then brings me back to
justifying myself so the other thing
that I found out and through inquiry
with second with other people was how we
can tell ourselves very compelling
stories that justify why we do what we
do really compelling stories they’re
stories that we tell ourselves to be
able to say oh I the reason I’m doing
that is because of X Y or Z to be able
to tell a very pedantic truth you know
you literally go to the letter of the
law when you’re defending yourself
against yourself because ultimately
you’ve done something that goes against
what you’ve said you were going to do
and someone’s called you on it and
something you’re like all the stories
that we tell ourselves are really
compelling and it’s those stories are
very useful in some respects they can
keep us involved they can keep us
committed they can help us see a
brighter future but we have to be very
mindful of when we flip that over and it
actually becomes a bit like a lie to
ourselves and can’t you know the
philosopher you know the philosopher
Kant would say you know lying is a
terrible thing you know you’re no more
than a object if you lie and it’s even
worse if you lie to yourself apparently
deceiving is okay according to Kant
lying is really bad and so it’s
recognizing is this true or is this a
story that I’m telling myself and one of
the people I spoke to in my inquiry said
I’m only lying to myself it doesn’t
matter it almost doesn’t matter about
the other person in those moments of
justifying what we’re doing what we’re
doing is lying to ourselves so holding
that in your mind of when you’re giving
yourself an excuse of why you’re doing
what you’re doing or why you’re not
doing what you said you were going to do
and then the final sort of slightly what
so that that can come from a lack of
self-awareness you know I just don’t
know about myself in that situation and
I have this very strong concept of who I
want to be or who I think I am or and I
truly believe it so when times are good
I do truly
that the things I say it’s just under
pressure sometimes that changes and the
gap between the conviction knowing with
conviction and doing with conviction a
chorus can be quite large when we’re
under pressure the more painful side of
working with hypocrisy under pressure or
working with integrity which can lead to
Apocrypha under pressure is the
responsibility we put on ourselves when
we have our values when we understand
where they go under pressure we have a
good idea of what we really value and
yet in the complex world that we’re
living in where things are changing all
the time decisions need to be made
sometimes and often in conflict with
each other wanting to hold on to those
values wanting to hold on to what’s
really important
yet the environment is forcing us a bit
like the waves the waves are coming and
they’re forcing us to make decisions
that go against our values that is a
very painful experience and I can speak
from my own experience but also from the
work that I was doing with other people
so for example even just a simple going
to a coaching session so work with lots
of leaders to take a two hour coaching
session if I was the leader I want to be
I would be with my team now there’s
something happening at the office I
should be with my team but I also have
this coaching session for two hours it’s
going to take me away from where I feel
like I’m needed because if I were the
leader that I want to be I would be with
them but I’m not I’m now going to this
coaching session and this prioritization
of values when we have such strong
values and we really know what we’ve
what matters to us when the organization
puts us in a position that goes against
our values can be painful and I and I do
genuinely mean painful I don’t mean a
bit uncomfortable can be lead to some
real strong anxiety of trying to keep
the values that you value compared with
what you’re being asked to do so what
can you do about it
what ultimi can you do about it because
I do know through the experience that
I’ve had personally
but also the experience of when working
with others something that’s really
important to two or three things are
really valuable one is making sure you
have we’ve talked a lot about energy
today have the energy to stop yourself
leaping to the conclusions judging
others justifying yourself judging
yourself painful processes taking the
time to get some good energy taking the
time to get some rest taking the time to
get good sleep these are all lovely
things to say and it’s quite utopian but
it isn’t always easy and nobody else
will do it for you so it’s how do you
set in some new habits to make yourself
have the good time to sleep to eat well
to drink lots of water and even as I’m
saying this now I’m fully aware of
feeling like a complete hypocrite
because I find it really difficult to
remember to even fill the water up to
remember to get some good sleep to
remember it is difficult the difficult
reality of life and yet it’s essential
the second part it’s a bit similar to
climb in the Matterhorn put yourself in
situations where you don’t know how
you’re going to respond so very often we
we know what we’re good at we know where
we Excel and we know and I’m gonna do
this because I can excel even more put
yourself in situations that you don’t
know and sometimes they can be really
quite unusual so some of my best
learning about myself was I went to
Edinburgh Festival I wasn’t taking part
I was going to visit friends I went to
visit friends who are comedians and I’d
left it too late to book a hotel in the
city because they were now very
expensive the ones are out of the city
were too much effort to go back and
forth by bus and I thought you know what
I’m open to things I make open to
experience I’m open to new people so I
booked the backpackers in the center of
Edinburgh turns out I’m not turns out
I’m not so 10 bunk beds
turns out I think about hygiene because
there was a lady in the next bed it’s
the most petty example but what I
learned about myself in terms of
tolerance politeness making excuses not
wanting to say do you mind not dropping
magazines off of the top bunk of the bed
at six o’clock in the morning because
she’s got her right to be here she said
she said this is her space as well as
well as my space it’s she’s entire to
she’s entitled to be sending emails not
on silent she’s entitled to do that and
rather than say so would you mind
I was very British and I stayed very
polite and I didn’t say a word I just
ended up collapsing and going back to
sleep because it was just easier than
dealing with it so find ways to put
yourself under pressure to work out what
values and instincts and beliefs that
you have that you may not even know you
had so you don’t find yourself faced
with in congruence between what you say and what you do thank you very much
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