bully you don’t tear about they are the
most dangerous type of bully because
they attack when no one’s watching this
is not the bully that takes your lunch
money the bully that shoves you into a
locker or the bully that sense you
hurtful text I’d like to share a story
with you
to illustrate who this bully is a story
entitled my big bad bully pigtails are
for babies she snarled at me
her words hurt more than the time I
broke my arm
I quickly untied my hair I wore my hair
down for the rest of the school year
that was the first time I met my big bad
bully I was in the second grade I’m not
sure where she came from I had never
noticed her at school before but she
noticed me every day that year and in
grade 3 grade four grade five
she called me names like fatty piglet
ugly things are worse now that I’m in
high school even when I don’t see her I
can always hear the whispers the giggles
and the growls who dressed you today
your baby sister hey fuzzball ever hear
of a comb now she makes fun of my face
how did you possibly fit another zit on
that face of yours many nights I cry
myself to sleep how can someone be so
cruel doesn’t she know that words hurt I
don’t know what to do anymore
I have to put a stop to this but I’m
weak when she’s around tomorrow is my
day
I tell myself but will I be strong
enough to face my big bad bully Oh will
I run away like a scared little chicken
I woke up ready I headed to school I
knew I would find her in the girls
washroom like I usually did I was going
to put an end to this once and for all I
quietly opened the washroom door and
took one slow step inside I am brave I
told myself I can do this I whispered I
opened my eyes and there she stood right
in front of me a lump formed in my
throat when our eyes met I was about to
say something but I stopped myself
instead I looked deep into her eyes and
that’s when I saw her really saw her for
the first time I saw I saw myself in the
mirror I saw the little girl who thought
her pigtails were babyish I saw the girl
who thought she looked fat and ugly
every time she saw her own reflection I
saw the scared little girl who believed
her discount clothes weren’t good enough
and I saw the young lady who hated her
blemished skin I saw that my big bad
bully was me it was me all along it was
me all those years we all know that the
words others say to us can impact us but
what about the words we tell ourselves
what about that inner voice we always
have playing in our heads what we say to
ourselves impacts us even more than what
others say to us we all want to stop
bullying we cringe at the words baby
fatty piglet ugly but what about the
word
you’re not good enough nobody loves you
or loser these are all unacceptable
things to say to others but why why is
it okay for us to say them to ourselves
why is that acceptable it seems to me
that the kindest words should be
whispered to ourselves you are beautiful
you are smart you are loved what if we
looked in the mirror and started to
appreciate ourselves what if instead of
pointing out our flaws we looked for the
greatness in us what if we were kind to
ourselves how powerful would that be
what do you say when you look in the
mirror I was inspired to write the story
one evening when I heard my own daughter
looking at herself in the mirror and
talking well she wasn’t so much talking
by complaining mommy why does my hair
have to be so frizzy why are my legs so
short it’s not fair why do I have so
many pimples it didn’t matter what I was
saying to her she was not listening all
the nice things I was pointing out about
her were completely ignored it wasn’t
until I went up to her grabbed her by
the shoulders looked into her eyes and
said you are bullying yourself that she
stopped but she didn’t just stop I
sought clarity in her eyes but told me
she understood you see my daughter’s a
good girl she listens to everything that
has been told to her at school she has
listened to many anti-bully talks and
the last thing she wants to do is be the
bully the thought that she was bullying
herself was enough to get her to stop
that was one of those rare moments for
me when I felt the hair on my arm stand
up because I knew I was on to something
I’m a mother
and I take this job very seriously God
entrusted me with four little lives so
that I can help them become adults who
better our world my job is to guide and
teach them my job is to support them and
protect them to protect them from the
world and protect them from themselves
for a lot of us we are our biggest
bullies the words and thoughts we think
about impact us dramatically our
thoughts can either enrich us or do us
harm our thoughts can bring us happiness
or cause us a lot of pain for me I never
want to be sat down and told that we
have lost a loved one to suicide I never
want to feel that feeling of
hopelessness and fear I never want to
feel like someone just punched me in the
gut to the point of not being able to
breathe the weakness the dizziness the
chest pain the urge to scream and the
thought of how can this be possible I
never want to experience that pain ever
almost five years ago I was in the
hospital waiting to go home with my new
baby boy it was also my birthday my
other children were waiting for us at
home with gifts for their little brother
and gifts for me that morning my husband
came to pick us up from the hospital and
he sat me down he told me that my 17
needless to say this was a difficult
time for my family and for me what was
supposed to be one of the best days of
my life turned out to be the worst day
of my life between the baby blues and
from the hospital we went straight to
see my sister-in-law and my
brother-in-law here I was with my
brand-new baby in hand could anything be
more
awkward the guilt I felt was
overwhelming
I was trying to hide my baby so I
wouldn’t remind them that they had just
lost their only child in the days that
followed we learned that my niece had
been suffering from a mental illness my
sister-in-law said something to me that
I remember to this day something that
fuels me and that has given me purpose
she told me I needed to look for signs
of depression in my own children because
depression is hereditary that statement
changed the trajectory of my life
I couldn’t just wait around for these
signs to appear I could not go through
this again I would do everything in my
power to help my children have positive
mental health it was this desire that
inspired me to become an author and
increased self-esteem in children it was
this desire that took me out of my
little shy box to organize the Guinness
World Record that empowered over a
hundred thousand people to believe in
themselves and it is this desire that
brings me here today mental illnesses
are robbing us of the people we love and
suicide is one of the leading causes of
death in our country according to the
Canadian Mental Health Association
suicide is among the leading cause of
death in 15 to 24 year old Canadians
second only to accidents the World
Health Organization estimates that every
year approximately 1 million people die
from suicide that means that there’s one
death by suicide every 40 seconds to put
this into perspective since I started
speaking on this stage 17 people have
died by suicide I want to help change
those statistics mental illnesses stem
from our thoughts I found an article by
dr. Caroline leaf entitled you are what
you think
she shares that 75 to 98% of mental and
physical illnesses come from our thought
life she goes on to share that only 2 to
25% of mental and physical illnesses
come from the environment and from our
genes to me this is great news it’s
cause for celebration because it means
that we have more control than we
thought possible around our illnesses
whether or not you fall under that small
category of illnesses that could be
hereditary hereditary the reality is
this a hundred percent of us all of us
can experience better mental health when
we learn to control our thoughts the
National Science Foundation did research
on the human mind
they found that every person has
anywhere between 12,000 to 60,000
thoughts per day and 80% of our thoughts
are negative once we are addicted to
negative thinking this includes the
thoughts were thinking it includes our
negative self-talk and it also includes
replaying negative memories in our minds
we can’t control what happens to us in
life but we can control how we react to
what happens our thoughts around what
happens it’s how we react to an event
that determines our future now here’s
the good news
you control your thoughts no one else
can do that for you this is a choice a
decision that each one of us gets to
make I think we have to guard our
thoughts because they’re one of our most
prized possessions I also have to think
I also think that we need to break free
from our old patterns of negative
thinking but how do we do that the bully
I refer to in my story can go away by
showering it with affirming thoughts and
praises after my daughter understood
that she was bullying herself that night
I asked her to practice an exercise that
was taught to me by my mentor and the
co-author of the big
bully jack canfield I asked her that
night after she brushed her teeth to
stop and look at herself in the mirror
this time I told her to appreciate
herself for all that she had
accomplished that day to talk about any
successes she had to talk about any
risks she took that day and any
discipline she kept I then asked her to
look deep into her own eyes and to say I
love you and finally I said just take a
deep breath and take it all in I did
warn her that at first this would be
uncomfortable to do but the more she
would learn to appreciate herself the
more she would love herself that bully
would have no choice but to go away my
challenge to you today is to do the same
practice this mirror exercise every
night for 40 nights and you’ll start
seeing yourself go from bullying to
loving yourself more but let’s take it
one step further let’s bombard our minds
with positivity because we know that it
works I’m gonna suggest that you watch
uplifting TV shows and movies listen to
good music read positive books surround
yourself with positive friends and also
make sure to take yourself out of
negative environments now if this is
difficult for you to do for one reason
or another then make sure you are the
one giving yourself the compliments the
praises and the love you can be your own
biggest bully or your own best friend
which will you choose I’ll leave you
with this quote by Louise Hay you have
been criticizing yourself for years and
it hasn’t worked
try approving of yourself and see what
happens
thank you
[Music]
[Applause] [Music]