the art of losing isn’t hard to master
so many things seemed filled with the
intent to be lost that their loss is no
disaster lose something every day except
the fluster of lost or keys the error
badly spent the art of losing isn’t hard
to master
then practice losing farther losing
faster places and things and names of
where it was you meant to travel none of
these will bring disaster one art is a
poem written by Elizabeth Bishop which
encompasses lost as if it were an art
that could be mastered comparing it to
other things such as the art of
crocheting the art of cross stitching or
the art of painting however this is not
how we normally tend to view loss when
thinking about loss other words often
pop into your mind such as mourning
traumatic events or tragedy however
everybody here goes through loss and
lives through loss every single day
sometimes without even noticing you miss
the bus you fail a quiz you sleep
through an alarm every day you as a
person face miniscule disruptions how
many people here have once learned how
to ride a bicycle okay a few so I would
like to imagine that at first you
learned to ride it with Trice with the
training wheels yes with training wheels
and then you were left to stumble and
fall around when they were removed to
scrapes and bruises you learned to focus
on the road ahead of you I view this as
sort of like learning to lose in order
to win let me formally introduce myself
my name is Emily McMillan I am in my
second year of nursing here at U and B I
am the nursing representative on the
Student Union and I myself am a fellow
expert on mastering the art of losing
when I was a child my mother was
diagnosed with the rare autoimmune
disease called bishop’s this is disease
in which the autoimmune system attacks
itself mistakingly instead of attacking
foreign bodies such as viruses or
bacteria this is a disease more
comparable to other diseases that you
may be a little bit more familiar with
such
ms or lupus as my mother experienced the
everyday loss of her own body I was able
to master the art of independence the
art of empathy and the art of losing at
a very young age a little background on
the woman who gave birth to me my mother
was a registered nurse she balanced
three jobs while going to school and
still managed to come out with a
successful career no one works that hard
to maintain a job that they do not
absolutely have pure passion for Nursing
is a tough career although it is
arguably one of the most rewarding
careers that there are you witness
struggle you view tears fall of loss
pain and sadness
you see people build themselves back up
or stored with health but you view
others crumble and crack like a house
after a natural disasters hit my
mother’s body is her own natural
disaster her disease has taken away from
her what a tornado what to her house
stripping her of a career her her
passion everything that she built
herself up to become she went from
kissing me on the forehead to leaving to
go to work at the hospital suggesting me
on the forehead to me leaving her at the
hospital she went from nurse to patient
from caregiver to care receiver from
bedside assistance to being 90 pounds
occupying a small portion of a hospital
bed wrapped in sheets drench of the
smell of bleach like something that had
tried to been cleaned of its history I
wonder how many people wrapped in those
same sheets have likewise experienced
loss although sicker self my mother
could never be rid of her nursing
abilities as a patient my mom helped a
multitude of her roommates in one
instance my mother had to call code on
one of her roommates as they had stopped
breathing
in another instance my mother helped one
of her roommates through communication
and techniques after they had a stroke
and then lastly my mother was the only
one in the hospital could who could tell
you why her roommates blood Sugar’s were
so high and that was because their
family had brought them in a full meal
unbeknownst to any of the staff their
caregivers in 2006 my mother was told
that she would never walk again
the chronic inflammation that she was
experiencing in her hips and sickle
joints had made it unbearable for her to
bear her weight at any distance memory
there’s wheel chair lightning blue fit
to her small frail shell of a body when
I was in the third grade my mother had a
benefit to help us financially support
the weight but illness bares memory
singing at the event dancing at the
event laughing at the event with my
mother’s friends although this is not
necessarily a joyous event the social
butterfly that I was and still continue
to be daily took the opportunity to have
a good time my mother was told twice as
she was going to die her body systems
were under attack and the doctors did
not believe that any medications or
treatment were going to help her they
suggested a tumor necrosis fighting
agent which cost $8,000 per month
out-of-pocket in addition to
chemotherapy injections than at home in
oral corticosteroids she at times felt
like an inadequate mother missing
snippets of her children’s memories
growth and development
unable to see my acting practices
because she was unable to manage the
stairs miss memories missed firsts miss
school projects projects and unable to
fully comfort me through the line of a
telephone memory being so heartbroken I
could not visit my mother in the
hospital because I had contracted a
virus from public school big shocker
knowing fair well that this virus could
very much endanger my mother’s health
growing up with an ill mother did make
my life different than others my age
however it is the way that I grew up
that has made me who I am today
strong like my father strong like my
mother
strong like the backbone of a house it
still stands after a natural disaster
that still manages to wake up in the
morning and watered the garden in the
backyard because hey life goes on with
disruption and with loss comes
pre-existing responsibilities although
my mother was sickened in the hospital
while I was in school I still managed to
make it to school every day it just
meant that I had to figure out a new
normal whether that meant living with a
friend living with a family member or
perhaps staying at my grandparents I
have memories of my mother ill in days
in which I forget the might
hood although normal to some is out of
the populations general norm 10
childhood memories in no chronological
order 1 learning to ride a bicycle in
the garage my father built by hands
guarded by garbage bags that were there
to help me if i wobble off to the side –
walking into the bathroom of my house my
father needle to my mother’s thigh 3
raising over $1000 for the Terry Fox
foundation and middle school because my
cousin at the age of 22 passed away at
the same cancer osteosarcoma for my
mother’s hand shaking so hard IV intact
signing my homework in elementary school
her signature looked like that of a five
year old 5 the first time and only time
I shouldn’t mention skiing because I am
a huge klutz
calling my mother on the phone and
letting her know about how excited I was
to experience something new
her responsive that’s great honey
counteracted my excitement in a way that
I can’t really convey to you today the
crack in her voice meant something was
wrong I did not understand this as a
child but as a mother and as a parent
she was missing a first six playing with
the dollhouse with my mother
her smile contagious seven one of the
times my mother was in the hospital my
father brother and I ran home and we
awoke to the basement flooding okay
not a very good situation the breakfast
was burnt that morning because the water
damage had distracted the chef water
damage was not to be told to my mother
as she already had way too much on her
plate I said I trying to distinguish
what the black said I was plated was
eight watching a hockey game with my
mother holding her hand proudly in the
wheelchair section nine swimming ten
crying my house only feels like an empty
home without her here my mother will
continue to be one of the strongest
people that I know she has taught me how
to appreciate the moments in life that
matter most
my mother built herself a strongest can
be only to have it all taken away from
her I have sat in the hospital bed with
my mother as a doctor walked in saw her
and said
I was expecting much worse like
comparing her disease to Google Images
rather than to her as a person
this statement is kind of like a slap in
the face to anybody who ever experiences
an invisible illness it is sort of like
saying illness is only valuable when
being able to be seen outside of the
body in form of pallor hair loss or
ulcers despite disruption and the
constant uncertainty that my life
contained I not only decided to live my
life fully but I decided to pave my own
path I constructed my own form of life I
focused on the world around me I saw it
through my own eyes I volunteered
I took the energy that I had and I
dispersed it into things worthwhile in
my time I acted I wrote and performed
poetry I created this high school group
at my school called Operation sunshine
in which the goal was to raise money and
items for a school Food Bank clothing
bank prom dress bank soup bank anything
you name it we had and if we didn’t I
would find it I got my license despite
having incredibly crippling driving
anxiety to the point that I never
thought that I would ever make it in the
driver’s seat ever again and this this
right here allowed me more independence
as I lived 30 minutes outside of the
city that I attended high school I got a
job it was great
I earned a scholarship I got accepted
into the Faculty of nursing at U and B I
stayed humble I stayed friendly knowing
that at any point everything that I have
built myself up to become could be left
and taken away from me in the moment of
this like a carpet taken out from
underneath my feet it is how you choose
to deal with the loss that has brought
your way that will determine how you
will continue to live your life some
people are so saddened but what the
world has given to them that all they
can do is curl up and try to forget
about it
some people are so outraged of what the
world has done to them that their anger
and hate towards the world often
secretes itself into matters outside of
the internal problem and some try to
find balance or at least try to accept
what the
against them this is where I stand
everything that I experience daily is a
learning curve I do not view myself as a
victim I am Who I am for what I’ve had
to overcome without disruption where is
growth without personal loss how does
one grow how does one prosper I’ve never
looked at my mother as somebody
corrupted by an illness I looked at her
as my mom she’s experienced lost like no
other and she has had to accept the
fluster through her I have mastered the
art of losing I encourage you guys to
take from my talk if anything one thing
we are constantly faced with disruption
and loss take what is brought your way
and do with it in a positive manner
whether it be personal loss or school
stresses continue to move on because
with these stresses come pre-existing
responsibilities such as showering
eating and sleeping that do not halt
with a bump in the road continue to live
your life despite what has brought your
way find a new normal today my mother
Heather who is sitting here today is 43
years old and walking her lightning blue
wheelchair still stands in the corner of
my house collecting dust
today I am 19 years old I understand the
importance of believing and listening I
understand the disease is not always
visible
neither is pain and that health care
providers should listen to their
patients rather than to assume that one
is drug seeking people are not their
setbacks their bad days their diseases
or losses people are who they say they
are and who they convey that they are I
feel as if I’m going into my career with
a book bag of experiences memories that
my mother has taught me things that I
have gone through that will help me
perform my career in a humbling and
humane manner
my mother will help me continue to
strive daily her strength is contagious
my mother is an example my mother is
pure love my mother is hilarious
my mother is amazing I love my mother so
much and she is the reason that I will
become an empathetic caring and
believing nurse because this is what
life has given to me continue to love
continue to learn continue to go through
things although things might not always
go as planned and I I will never dust that chair thank you
so many things seemed filled with the
intent to be lost that their loss is no
disaster lose something every day except
the fluster of lost or keys the error
badly spent the art of losing isn’t hard
to master
then practice losing farther losing
faster places and things and names of
where it was you meant to travel none of
these will bring disaster one art is a
poem written by Elizabeth Bishop which
encompasses lost as if it were an art
that could be mastered comparing it to
other things such as the art of
crocheting the art of cross stitching or
the art of painting however this is not
how we normally tend to view loss when
thinking about loss other words often
pop into your mind such as mourning
traumatic events or tragedy however
everybody here goes through loss and
lives through loss every single day
sometimes without even noticing you miss
the bus you fail a quiz you sleep
through an alarm every day you as a
person face miniscule disruptions how
many people here have once learned how
to ride a bicycle okay a few so I would
like to imagine that at first you
learned to ride it with Trice with the
training wheels yes with training wheels
and then you were left to stumble and
fall around when they were removed to
scrapes and bruises you learned to focus
on the road ahead of you I view this as
sort of like learning to lose in order
to win let me formally introduce myself
my name is Emily McMillan I am in my
second year of nursing here at U and B I
am the nursing representative on the
Student Union and I myself am a fellow
expert on mastering the art of losing
when I was a child my mother was
diagnosed with the rare autoimmune
disease called bishop’s this is disease
in which the autoimmune system attacks
itself mistakingly instead of attacking
foreign bodies such as viruses or
bacteria this is a disease more
comparable to other diseases that you
may be a little bit more familiar with
such
ms or lupus as my mother experienced the
everyday loss of her own body I was able
to master the art of independence the
art of empathy and the art of losing at
a very young age a little background on
the woman who gave birth to me my mother
was a registered nurse she balanced
three jobs while going to school and
still managed to come out with a
successful career no one works that hard
to maintain a job that they do not
absolutely have pure passion for Nursing
is a tough career although it is
arguably one of the most rewarding
careers that there are you witness
struggle you view tears fall of loss
pain and sadness
you see people build themselves back up
or stored with health but you view
others crumble and crack like a house
after a natural disasters hit my
mother’s body is her own natural
disaster her disease has taken away from
her what a tornado what to her house
stripping her of a career her her
passion everything that she built
herself up to become she went from
kissing me on the forehead to leaving to
go to work at the hospital suggesting me
on the forehead to me leaving her at the
hospital she went from nurse to patient
from caregiver to care receiver from
bedside assistance to being 90 pounds
occupying a small portion of a hospital
bed wrapped in sheets drench of the
smell of bleach like something that had
tried to been cleaned of its history I
wonder how many people wrapped in those
same sheets have likewise experienced
loss although sicker self my mother
could never be rid of her nursing
abilities as a patient my mom helped a
multitude of her roommates in one
instance my mother had to call code on
one of her roommates as they had stopped
breathing
in another instance my mother helped one
of her roommates through communication
and techniques after they had a stroke
and then lastly my mother was the only
one in the hospital could who could tell
you why her roommates blood Sugar’s were
so high and that was because their
family had brought them in a full meal
unbeknownst to any of the staff their
caregivers in 2006 my mother was told
that she would never walk again
the chronic inflammation that she was
experiencing in her hips and sickle
joints had made it unbearable for her to
bear her weight at any distance memory
there’s wheel chair lightning blue fit
to her small frail shell of a body when
I was in the third grade my mother had a
benefit to help us financially support
the weight but illness bares memory
singing at the event dancing at the
event laughing at the event with my
mother’s friends although this is not
necessarily a joyous event the social
butterfly that I was and still continue
to be daily took the opportunity to have
a good time my mother was told twice as
she was going to die her body systems
were under attack and the doctors did
not believe that any medications or
treatment were going to help her they
suggested a tumor necrosis fighting
agent which cost $8,000 per month
out-of-pocket in addition to
chemotherapy injections than at home in
oral corticosteroids she at times felt
like an inadequate mother missing
snippets of her children’s memories
growth and development
unable to see my acting practices
because she was unable to manage the
stairs miss memories missed firsts miss
school projects projects and unable to
fully comfort me through the line of a
telephone memory being so heartbroken I
could not visit my mother in the
hospital because I had contracted a
virus from public school big shocker
knowing fair well that this virus could
very much endanger my mother’s health
growing up with an ill mother did make
my life different than others my age
however it is the way that I grew up
that has made me who I am today
strong like my father strong like my
mother
strong like the backbone of a house it
still stands after a natural disaster
that still manages to wake up in the
morning and watered the garden in the
backyard because hey life goes on with
disruption and with loss comes
pre-existing responsibilities although
my mother was sickened in the hospital
while I was in school I still managed to
make it to school every day it just
meant that I had to figure out a new
normal whether that meant living with a
friend living with a family member or
perhaps staying at my grandparents I
have memories of my mother ill in days
in which I forget the might
hood although normal to some is out of
the populations general norm 10
childhood memories in no chronological
order 1 learning to ride a bicycle in
the garage my father built by hands
guarded by garbage bags that were there
to help me if i wobble off to the side –
walking into the bathroom of my house my
father needle to my mother’s thigh 3
raising over $1000 for the Terry Fox
foundation and middle school because my
cousin at the age of 22 passed away at
the same cancer osteosarcoma for my
mother’s hand shaking so hard IV intact
signing my homework in elementary school
her signature looked like that of a five
year old 5 the first time and only time
I shouldn’t mention skiing because I am
a huge klutz
calling my mother on the phone and
letting her know about how excited I was
to experience something new
her responsive that’s great honey
counteracted my excitement in a way that
I can’t really convey to you today the
crack in her voice meant something was
wrong I did not understand this as a
child but as a mother and as a parent
she was missing a first six playing with
the dollhouse with my mother
her smile contagious seven one of the
times my mother was in the hospital my
father brother and I ran home and we
awoke to the basement flooding okay
not a very good situation the breakfast
was burnt that morning because the water
damage had distracted the chef water
damage was not to be told to my mother
as she already had way too much on her
plate I said I trying to distinguish
what the black said I was plated was
eight watching a hockey game with my
mother holding her hand proudly in the
wheelchair section nine swimming ten
crying my house only feels like an empty
home without her here my mother will
continue to be one of the strongest
people that I know she has taught me how
to appreciate the moments in life that
matter most
my mother built herself a strongest can
be only to have it all taken away from
her I have sat in the hospital bed with
my mother as a doctor walked in saw her
and said
I was expecting much worse like
comparing her disease to Google Images
rather than to her as a person
this statement is kind of like a slap in
the face to anybody who ever experiences
an invisible illness it is sort of like
saying illness is only valuable when
being able to be seen outside of the
body in form of pallor hair loss or
ulcers despite disruption and the
constant uncertainty that my life
contained I not only decided to live my
life fully but I decided to pave my own
path I constructed my own form of life I
focused on the world around me I saw it
through my own eyes I volunteered
I took the energy that I had and I
dispersed it into things worthwhile in
my time I acted I wrote and performed
poetry I created this high school group
at my school called Operation sunshine
in which the goal was to raise money and
items for a school Food Bank clothing
bank prom dress bank soup bank anything
you name it we had and if we didn’t I
would find it I got my license despite
having incredibly crippling driving
anxiety to the point that I never
thought that I would ever make it in the
driver’s seat ever again and this this
right here allowed me more independence
as I lived 30 minutes outside of the
city that I attended high school I got a
job it was great
I earned a scholarship I got accepted
into the Faculty of nursing at U and B I
stayed humble I stayed friendly knowing
that at any point everything that I have
built myself up to become could be left
and taken away from me in the moment of
this like a carpet taken out from
underneath my feet it is how you choose
to deal with the loss that has brought
your way that will determine how you
will continue to live your life some
people are so saddened but what the
world has given to them that all they
can do is curl up and try to forget
about it
some people are so outraged of what the
world has done to them that their anger
and hate towards the world often
secretes itself into matters outside of
the internal problem and some try to
find balance or at least try to accept
what the
against them this is where I stand
everything that I experience daily is a
learning curve I do not view myself as a
victim I am Who I am for what I’ve had
to overcome without disruption where is
growth without personal loss how does
one grow how does one prosper I’ve never
looked at my mother as somebody
corrupted by an illness I looked at her
as my mom she’s experienced lost like no
other and she has had to accept the
fluster through her I have mastered the
art of losing I encourage you guys to
take from my talk if anything one thing
we are constantly faced with disruption
and loss take what is brought your way
and do with it in a positive manner
whether it be personal loss or school
stresses continue to move on because
with these stresses come pre-existing
responsibilities such as showering
eating and sleeping that do not halt
with a bump in the road continue to live
your life despite what has brought your
way find a new normal today my mother
Heather who is sitting here today is 43
years old and walking her lightning blue
wheelchair still stands in the corner of
my house collecting dust
today I am 19 years old I understand the
importance of believing and listening I
understand the disease is not always
visible
neither is pain and that health care
providers should listen to their
patients rather than to assume that one
is drug seeking people are not their
setbacks their bad days their diseases
or losses people are who they say they
are and who they convey that they are I
feel as if I’m going into my career with
a book bag of experiences memories that
my mother has taught me things that I
have gone through that will help me
perform my career in a humbling and
humane manner
my mother will help me continue to
strive daily her strength is contagious
my mother is an example my mother is
pure love my mother is hilarious
my mother is amazing I love my mother so
much and she is the reason that I will
become an empathetic caring and
believing nurse because this is what
life has given to me continue to love
continue to learn continue to go through
things although things might not always
go as planned and I I will never dust that chair thank you
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