tonight
before we start would like to know there
are no parents here right nobody yet one
– who wants to be a parent in the future
only one – okay so like that so I know
that I guess you all heard about Jewish
that are successful you all heard about
Jewish everything there chief that’s the
what but how many about you heard about
Jewish why what’s behind their success
that’s what I’m basically want to give
you tonight to make you understand why
choice are so successful so tonight we
are going to speak about the art of
Jewish education the art why art we
speak about football player we speak
about doctor we speak about the painter
there are all kinds of art and Jewish
the same education parenting is also a
kind of art that you have to master why
Jewish because we speak about Nouveau
odds we speak about baroque we think
about pop there are all different styles
and Jewish is also kind of parenting
style a few years ago I read a very
interesting book called Luna Park life
is the Luna Park this book introduced me
to a very interesting concept this
concept is the game that I used in the
seminars that I’m speaking with Chinese
parents it takes much more than one two
minutes but basically I’m doing it with
the Chinese parents and I actually what
I’m giving them is ten options to choose
from and this option is everything what
students want to have in its life but at
the end they can only choose three
different people choose different things
work love sense of humor etc etc
according to your age according to your
cultural background to your gender you
will choose different things but there’s
an interesting thing with the people I
speak with about 80% and actually in
China it’s more about hundred percent
the people there’s one thing that they
are not willing to give up having
children and that’s interesting but the
more interesting thing is while their
confidence to choose children not to
give up on the noticed confidence to
answer the next question why having
children and thanks God my dad is a
doctor and not only a doctor is the only
doctor that brings happiness to people
and the absolute luckily is though that
he’s the one that and I was looking to
answer this question and basically he’s
a genie color by the way I came to him
and asked why Jewish want to have sorry
excuse me
wipe why we want to have children and my
dad told me because as a theological
need we want to have children because
reproduction to survive so I know this
as everything basically what we want but
more what’s more so two weeks ago I
spoke with my Chinese friends he’s a bit
younger than me she does not have
children and I asked her you have this
game you have ten options what are you
going to choose you can eliminate one by
one and keep three to the end what we
would like to choose and she was very
sure no I don’t need to eliminate them
one by one I can tell you straight away
I want to have money work and children
very confident but then when I ask her
okay why do you want to have children
she looked at me like what the hell and
of course I must have children and
that’s interesting because when I heard
this I asked you must why and then she
and then after a few seconds of thinking
it came out anyway we’ll Mayo hydro or
Joe Boucher go unchain the notion
because if I don’t have a child I’m not
a perfect woman and now you can
understand watch any society thinks
about feminism and about children but
actually I quite respect this girl my
friend because she says what she thinks
and there are other people who think and
say different things this another parent
that I was speaking to and asked another
question what do you want for your child
what did they say I want my child to be
happy to be healthy and then I asked and
if your child would be a waiter in a
coffee store no no no no no I asked why
not because I thought a career home want
my child to have a career but what
they’re actually telling you it’s
noticed what they’re actually telling
you I gave birth to my child because
it’s my business card and my business
card I need to show off outside and if
my child would be a waiter in a coffee
store then I will not have face right
and then the other parents which I guess
you are hearing often saying oh my child
is so good he’s so similar as I was when
I was younger he played the piano he’s
talented he sings he does business etc
etc but what they’re actually telling
them you I’m so proud of my child not
because we is because he can continue my
legacy to live the life that I wanted
but could not live and that’s everything
nice but I was looking more how come
that all the people choose that they
want to have children but he still they
don’t give you the exact answer so I
went to my best friend which i think is
also your best friend Google and I
google it I wrote family with children
and what it showed family parents with
children all happy smiling but if you
see on the keyword I never wrote smile
happiness and that made me think how
come that all the parents with their
children family are all happy
interesting right is it really like this
that parents that have a children one
two years old that are crying at night
or children with 12 14 years old that
are naughty that are not listening to
them either really happier than they
were before before having children I’m
not sure why do Jewish want to have
children
that’s a good question we will answer it
later but before this I think what we
need to answer is what is parenting what
is the parents all about the parent is
it a verb or a noun we know that parents
want to raise a healthy happy child but
before it they need to insert emotional
being in your child to possess this the
first thing they need to do is security
when I say security is not physical it’s
emotional it’s spiritual it’s mental
security let the child know that you
accept him as he is for whatever he is
without any preconditions I saw a very
interesting TED very inspiring speech by
Andrew Solomon love no matter what in
this he says that a child when he
developed his horizontal identity needs
three things self acceptance a family
acceptance he and social acceptance E
and I say before his child can self
accept himself he needs someone else to
accept himself and this someone else is
not just someone it’s the most important
with hon that’s a verb a word in Hebrew
Hebrew is the official language of
Israel which to a certain extent might
be also the official language of the
Jewish why I’m telling you this because
bitter horn means security but what else
it also means confidence and that’s the
thing not like English or Chinese in
Hebrew security and confidence are the
same word interlinked what does it tell
us it tells us in the Jewish mindset
people believe that if you don’t give
the child security from the outside you
will never be able to develop confidence
from the inside as simple as it is the
second thing the Chinese is drop your
other world is traditional and modern
Chinese what’s a different I think that
you can loosen look in the character and
see the difference between the
expression of Chinese flag and Jewish of
love why Chinese use modern expression
of love as you see in the character
there is no heart in it it lacks the
heart in it and so the expression like
the feeling the emotion in China is
everything about how much money you
spend for your child is about which
courses with school you send them about
prizes reward but not what the child
really wants a need for the Jewish it’s
not so much about money as it is about
the time you spend about what do you
read how you educate how you communicate
how you speak how you play with your
child many times when I speak with
Chinese parent I feel that they are very
angry very frustrated and they say I
give to my child everything I give him
the best school the best courses the
he does not appreciate it and I listened
and listened and listened and then when
they finish I say but did you ask him
what he wants
does he really wants this did you even
ask him if you want to come to this
world or it was your own selfish
decision and then they look at me like
I’m an alien speaking Arabic or any
other language they don’t understand
right but yet that’s the truth in China
a child is an investment young our
you gave for a child when he’s younger
in order to accept to give you back when
you are old you invest because you
expect a return in China it is like this
you give for your child so when you get
older he can accompany you can stay next
to you you will not be lonely
you will feel secure by Jewish choice is
more than this it’s about responsibility
from two parts from the collective part
to transfer your child the Jewish legend
see the history the stories the values
the more of the ethics and for the
personal aspect it’s about the knowledge
the experience because we as Jewish
believe that this is the only way you
can really contribute to the next
generation to make your child life and
the world around us better and happier
our starting point in Jewish is that
each child has his wings you can fly he
has the talent and gift but neither the
child nor the parent know what it is so
you cannot decide choose for your
parents for your child what you can do
is guide him help him to find out to
people believe that each child can sell
for himself Jewish believed a child must
self of themselves because only if you
sell fulfill yourself then you can
a child will only open his wings and try
to fly once he feel safe in the nest
every child when it comes to this word
has the wings he’s full with passion
with curiosity to discover to explore
but unfortunately not every child will
be able to open his wings because before
you are able to physically open your
wings and fly you need to have the
mental confidence to do this and that’s
where the parent come to the game it’s
up to the parents to inject this mental
confidence into the child now you
understand how important the parents are
for the child you know in China many
times I feel that a parent cared more
about the outcomes in the process it’s
rather about answering question not
asking question it’s about learning not
about trying and that good and nice and
there is nothing wrong about this but
then the parents should not be surprised
when at the age of 18 19 20 descenders
child abroad and after 1-2 years they
just come back because they could not
make it because they could not survive
adopt it’s as easy as it sounds when you
are young you have your wings you need
to try to fly to fall to make mistakes
so you will know how to use them when
you get older because when you are young
the mistakes are your experience and the
more experience you have the more
mistakes you do the more professional
you become what do you want for your
child
a Chinese parent and the Jewish parents
does not want the same thing a Chinese
parent as the image shows want the child
but then I asked so why do you give your
child so much stress about school
because if he was study good he will get
good grades get a good job and then get
a good paycheck so success is the region
the source of happiness but for us
Jewish for us Jewish is rather about
developing a child it is B and become B
it’s about self fulfilling yourself
being happy with what you do and then
only then you can contribute and help
others and become become it’s about a
child it’s never stop learning never
stop growing never stop changing B and
become what I mention a man is the words
from Yiddish old language spoken by the
Jewish abroad
it means a man a human being because we
Jewish believe that being a person of
values is more important than being a
person of success because values
remained success disappears and at the
end of the day values are the pillars
upon which happiness and success can be
built and only then if we have values
like compassion like kindness like
sharing developing this gratitude
emotional well-being this warm inside
our heart the safety disturbed the
security only then the child can open
develop his self-identity and self
awareness himself and that is where
I see many people outside they look for
status they buy luxury flats luxury cars
designer goods they go miles away to
look for happiness but I tell you
happiness is just next to you just here
I raced aside knowing yourself is the
beginning of wisdom
eyes they’re looking inside is the
beginning of all happiness people think
believe that success bring happiness
Jewish believe that happiness bring
success let’s find it together thank you [Applause]