the notion of alonein together has been
very familiar in my life I come from a
country of 1.3 billion people so there’s
not really such a thing as being alone
you may think you’re alone sometimes but
it’s really an illusion
and then growing up between India and
the US I really understood what it was
to be alone I’ve spent most of my life
on stage completely feeling alone I’ve
been in front of crowds my whole life
and even then I’ve always been able to
hide behind the illusion of this
constructed intimacy behind technology
hiding behind distance being in a room
full of people and feeling completely
alone but as we all know we all want
more than that we have this need for
this immediate intimacy upon demand
whether it’s performing onstage or
swiping away at fellow humans on dating
apps over coffee with friends it’s this
constant need and I think for me this
need for love without having to quite
reveal yourself in any sort of way
the need for wanting everything without
ever having to give yourself away and I
come from a unique situation in the
sense that I had an identity before I
was born I was the daughter of a famous
Indian violinist I was the granddaughter
of a famous Indian vocalist related to
famous Indian musicians probably the
most famous Indian musician of all time
but within that I was surrounded by
people since I was little but really
felt alone and didn’t quite understand
why I grew up without my mother without
my family and there was always this hope
of wanting to find real connections and
I found hope in one of the most
unexpected places and I’d like to tell
[Music]
even now I wake up in the middle of the
night wanting to call my mother wanting
to ask her what ingredient I’m missing
in my mint chutney what that old uncle
and India’s name is and what I’m
supposed to do over my latest heartbreak
and it hits me every time that she’s
gone the ground beneath me no longer
feels secure and suddenly I’m the adult
this larger-than-life character the
center of my universe was the age I am
now I don’t know if it hits me because
I’m getting older or because my
all-knowing every powerful mother didn’t
know any more about life than I do now
that would be fine in normal
circumstances but my mother who used to
sing me lullabies was also a Shanker
when I was growing up they used to be at
lots of concerts my grandmother and my
mother would play all the time they’d
sing with Ravi Shankar George Harrison
but they didn’t really talk about it and
I didn’t really understand in passing
they’d mention yeah we used to tour a
little bit we performed but that’s just
who these women were if you ask them
more than that they were completely
modest and I never quite understood
their power so I used to ask my
grandmother these questions all the time
tell me more about your touring tell me
what you did and was always the same
answer you know stop asking us questions
nobody wants to hear our story get over
it so growing up as a chunker the legacy
was very complicated for me because most
people I knew only really heard of my
great uncle Ravi Shankar
they’d never really heard about the
women heard about the musicians so at
some point I decided I had to tell this
story and I kept bugging my grandmother
about these stories a few years before
she passed away I finally got her to
relent she gave me some old instruments
and scrapbooks and I asked her every
question I’d ever wanted to ask her and
these conversations would change the
[Music]
born in 1926
my grandmother Lakshmi Shastri grew up
in Madras her mother Vaishali she
despite having no formal education at
her own insisted that her daughter was
talented it should be educated just like
the boys
her father r-v Shastri was the first
editor of Gandhi’s newspaper hyejin at
the age of 13 my grandmother was
discovered as a talented dancer by the
prestigious with a chancre dance troupe
my grandmother was just a child 13 years
old but she wanted to lead the life of
an artist she traveled all over the
world performing and at the age of 15
she was married off to fellow troupe
member Rajendra sunder at the age of 15
he was 36 21 years older than her the
Schenker’s toured all over Europe Russia
and the u.s. bringing Indian music and
dance to the West for the first time she
was a celebrated star performing
everywhere it was her dream and at the
age of 18 she had her first child she
was on top of the world starring in
movies ballets and then at the age of 20
she was diagnosed with pleurisy and told
that she could never dance again
but my grandmother refused to step into
the shadows so she was destined for the
stage she started studying Indian
classical vocal and within five years
became one of the top Indian classical
vocalists in India she was a sudden
shocking breakout star coming out of
nowhere she toured all over the country
performing in 14 languages and recording
multiple albums critics and music
critics all agreed the chitta melodious
voice in a five octave range
my grandmother was 36 and my mother was
10 by all accounts everyone that
remembers my mother said she was a
mischievous dreamer with an incredible
voice she grew up up around her mother
who was a musician and wanted to follow
in her footsteps but the family had
other ideas she was a girl they wanted
her to be a proper girl than get married
she used to sneak into her room at night
and listen to the old radio she’d listen
to the old Bollywood songs and every
night she’d practice and practice and
listen one night on the radio it was
announced that there was a competition
for the biggest radio station in India
that was going across the country
finding the best singer it was kind of
an early version of American Idol
my mother snuck out of the house and
entered the competition when it came to
Bombay she was so excited she had never
been out and sung in public before so
she entered the auditorium to a young
bunch of faces in front of a panel of
judges and she waited and waited and
waited when it was her time to go up on
stage she walked up nervously and for
the first time outside of her own room
anonymously in front of a large crowd on
and she won the whole competition my
mother was a starlet overnight just like
her mother the first prize of the
competition was for her to record an
album she was 19 years old but she never
got to finish that record because the
family decided that she should go to
London to go to beauty school it was
during that time that some Londoners
come to India the Beatles
George Harrison heard some music that
would change his life George Harrison
and rubbish hunger struck up a musical
friendship that would change a cultural
phenomenon this was the moment Indian
music exploded into the West George
brought Ravi and 16 members of his
Indian Orchestra to London to record an
album this musical friendship culminated
into the Ravi Shankar Music Festival of
India tour that’s my mother vide in the
blue sari and my grandmother Lakshmi in
the green sari they played a huge part
in the tour success performing to large
audiences every night touring with the
top pop musicians of the day and revered
by Hollywood stars I only found out
recently that my grandmother also
conducted the orchestras and did
arrangements when Ravi got sick it was
there that my mother met my father the
violin player and soon she was married
off and then I was born
my father always wished that I was a boy
I’m pretty sure that I was a
disappointment to him within the first
seconds of my life
as he once told me I’m not a boy I can’t
carry his name on and I can’t light his
cremation fire I always knew that my dad
was a musician but not my mother even
though all my earliest memories of her
were singing when I was 9 and she was 35
my mother was diagnosed with cancer she
would go into remission she’d get worse
every time a little worst
I remember in those moments hearing her
sing and she was trying to finish this
record that she created when she was 19
the record she never got to finish she
never would finish that record last
summer I finally went in to go listen to
her old recordings recordings that I’d
put away for a long time
recordings that I couldn’t listen to
till I was ready and something in me had
changed I realized on the search for my
grandmother that the person I was
looking for my whole life was my mother
she was what was missing she was what I
needed and these recordings these songs
were her in her own voice in her own
words and it finally hit me that I felt
so many guilt and boundaries being a
woman in an artist but I saw how they
struggled and they fought and those
struggles became mine and having a
daughter I want nothing more than for
her to live her life outside of these
boundaries there’s this habit that I
have before I perform I pace I tune my
instrument I pace I pace some more I
think I pace out of nervousness out of
uncertainty that my voice won’t carry
forward in those moments I have to think
of my mother’s lullabies her voice
I let them sing through me and carry me
through my mother always said women are
resilient they will be remembered
through their songs so I’m gonna leave
you
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
you
[Applause]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music] [Applause]
very familiar in my life I come from a
country of 1.3 billion people so there’s
not really such a thing as being alone
you may think you’re alone sometimes but
it’s really an illusion
and then growing up between India and
the US I really understood what it was
to be alone I’ve spent most of my life
on stage completely feeling alone I’ve
been in front of crowds my whole life
and even then I’ve always been able to
hide behind the illusion of this
constructed intimacy behind technology
hiding behind distance being in a room
full of people and feeling completely
alone but as we all know we all want
more than that we have this need for
this immediate intimacy upon demand
whether it’s performing onstage or
swiping away at fellow humans on dating
apps over coffee with friends it’s this
constant need and I think for me this
need for love without having to quite
reveal yourself in any sort of way
the need for wanting everything without
ever having to give yourself away and I
come from a unique situation in the
sense that I had an identity before I
was born I was the daughter of a famous
Indian violinist I was the granddaughter
of a famous Indian vocalist related to
famous Indian musicians probably the
most famous Indian musician of all time
but within that I was surrounded by
people since I was little but really
felt alone and didn’t quite understand
why I grew up without my mother without
my family and there was always this hope
of wanting to find real connections and
I found hope in one of the most
unexpected places and I’d like to tell
[Music]
even now I wake up in the middle of the
night wanting to call my mother wanting
to ask her what ingredient I’m missing
in my mint chutney what that old uncle
and India’s name is and what I’m
supposed to do over my latest heartbreak
and it hits me every time that she’s
gone the ground beneath me no longer
feels secure and suddenly I’m the adult
this larger-than-life character the
center of my universe was the age I am
now I don’t know if it hits me because
I’m getting older or because my
all-knowing every powerful mother didn’t
know any more about life than I do now
that would be fine in normal
circumstances but my mother who used to
sing me lullabies was also a Shanker
when I was growing up they used to be at
lots of concerts my grandmother and my
mother would play all the time they’d
sing with Ravi Shankar George Harrison
but they didn’t really talk about it and
I didn’t really understand in passing
they’d mention yeah we used to tour a
little bit we performed but that’s just
who these women were if you ask them
more than that they were completely
modest and I never quite understood
their power so I used to ask my
grandmother these questions all the time
tell me more about your touring tell me
what you did and was always the same
answer you know stop asking us questions
nobody wants to hear our story get over
it so growing up as a chunker the legacy
was very complicated for me because most
people I knew only really heard of my
great uncle Ravi Shankar
they’d never really heard about the
women heard about the musicians so at
some point I decided I had to tell this
story and I kept bugging my grandmother
about these stories a few years before
she passed away I finally got her to
relent she gave me some old instruments
and scrapbooks and I asked her every
question I’d ever wanted to ask her and
these conversations would change the
[Music]
born in 1926
my grandmother Lakshmi Shastri grew up
in Madras her mother Vaishali she
despite having no formal education at
her own insisted that her daughter was
talented it should be educated just like
the boys
her father r-v Shastri was the first
editor of Gandhi’s newspaper hyejin at
the age of 13 my grandmother was
discovered as a talented dancer by the
prestigious with a chancre dance troupe
my grandmother was just a child 13 years
old but she wanted to lead the life of
an artist she traveled all over the
world performing and at the age of 15
she was married off to fellow troupe
member Rajendra sunder at the age of 15
he was 36 21 years older than her the
Schenker’s toured all over Europe Russia
and the u.s. bringing Indian music and
dance to the West for the first time she
was a celebrated star performing
everywhere it was her dream and at the
age of 18 she had her first child she
was on top of the world starring in
movies ballets and then at the age of 20
she was diagnosed with pleurisy and told
that she could never dance again
but my grandmother refused to step into
the shadows so she was destined for the
stage she started studying Indian
classical vocal and within five years
became one of the top Indian classical
vocalists in India she was a sudden
shocking breakout star coming out of
nowhere she toured all over the country
performing in 14 languages and recording
multiple albums critics and music
critics all agreed the chitta melodious
voice in a five octave range
my grandmother was 36 and my mother was
10 by all accounts everyone that
remembers my mother said she was a
mischievous dreamer with an incredible
voice she grew up up around her mother
who was a musician and wanted to follow
in her footsteps but the family had
other ideas she was a girl they wanted
her to be a proper girl than get married
she used to sneak into her room at night
and listen to the old radio she’d listen
to the old Bollywood songs and every
night she’d practice and practice and
listen one night on the radio it was
announced that there was a competition
for the biggest radio station in India
that was going across the country
finding the best singer it was kind of
an early version of American Idol
my mother snuck out of the house and
entered the competition when it came to
Bombay she was so excited she had never
been out and sung in public before so
she entered the auditorium to a young
bunch of faces in front of a panel of
judges and she waited and waited and
waited when it was her time to go up on
stage she walked up nervously and for
the first time outside of her own room
anonymously in front of a large crowd on
and she won the whole competition my
mother was a starlet overnight just like
her mother the first prize of the
competition was for her to record an
album she was 19 years old but she never
got to finish that record because the
family decided that she should go to
London to go to beauty school it was
during that time that some Londoners
come to India the Beatles
George Harrison heard some music that
would change his life George Harrison
and rubbish hunger struck up a musical
friendship that would change a cultural
phenomenon this was the moment Indian
music exploded into the West George
brought Ravi and 16 members of his
Indian Orchestra to London to record an
album this musical friendship culminated
into the Ravi Shankar Music Festival of
India tour that’s my mother vide in the
blue sari and my grandmother Lakshmi in
the green sari they played a huge part
in the tour success performing to large
audiences every night touring with the
top pop musicians of the day and revered
by Hollywood stars I only found out
recently that my grandmother also
conducted the orchestras and did
arrangements when Ravi got sick it was
there that my mother met my father the
violin player and soon she was married
off and then I was born
my father always wished that I was a boy
I’m pretty sure that I was a
disappointment to him within the first
seconds of my life
as he once told me I’m not a boy I can’t
carry his name on and I can’t light his
cremation fire I always knew that my dad
was a musician but not my mother even
though all my earliest memories of her
were singing when I was 9 and she was 35
my mother was diagnosed with cancer she
would go into remission she’d get worse
every time a little worst
I remember in those moments hearing her
sing and she was trying to finish this
record that she created when she was 19
the record she never got to finish she
never would finish that record last
summer I finally went in to go listen to
her old recordings recordings that I’d
put away for a long time
recordings that I couldn’t listen to
till I was ready and something in me had
changed I realized on the search for my
grandmother that the person I was
looking for my whole life was my mother
she was what was missing she was what I
needed and these recordings these songs
were her in her own voice in her own
words and it finally hit me that I felt
so many guilt and boundaries being a
woman in an artist but I saw how they
struggled and they fought and those
struggles became mine and having a
daughter I want nothing more than for
her to live her life outside of these
boundaries there’s this habit that I
have before I perform I pace I tune my
instrument I pace I pace some more I
think I pace out of nervousness out of
uncertainty that my voice won’t carry
forward in those moments I have to think
of my mother’s lullabies her voice
I let them sing through me and carry me
through my mother always said women are
resilient they will be remembered
through their songs so I’m gonna leave
you
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
you
[Applause]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music] [Applause]
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