that really is the title six steps to
defining your vampire for the last seven
years I have taught a class here at the
University of Delaware called vampire
culture what’s really at stake and see I
often imagine the reaction of my parents
of my students parents to this I can’t
help but think of them seeing that and
saying something like I pay good money
to that school for your education and
this is what they’re teaching you
vampires why vampires there were a lot
of reasons why vampires actually but the
main one is this vampires are real when
I say that understand that I’m not
talking about the tall dark and undead
with a cape and fangs I’m talking about
those people places and things in your
life that just suck because that’s what
vampires do right the bad ones and those
are the ones that we want to defang bad
vampires suck literally they drink blood
but that is not all they do let us
consider for example Dracula if you’ve
seen any of the movies then you know he
can become a bat but if you’ve read Bram
Stoker’s novel then you know he can also
become a wolf which makes him a predator
and he is described as a filthy leech
which makes him a parasite Jonathan the
visitor to Transylvania calls him this
when he finds Dracula lying in a coffin
engorged with blood so the vampire is
both a predator and a parasite someone
who takes and maintains his power by
stalking his prey and draining them of
blood the blood is the life this
statement resonates throughout Dracula
and this idea the blood is the life the
blood equals life is the key to
understanding the real value of the
vampire story for us if we think of the
vampire as someone who drains without
giving anything back someone who takes
from us those things that give our life
its quality then vampires don’t
drink blood they steal our time they
steal our money they’d steal our health
they’d take our passion our energy our
hope our self-esteem our very sense of
self in other words they take our power
which means that a vampire might be an
abusive parent or partner a vampire
might be an exploitative employer or
industry a vampire might be a system of
unjust laws or discriminatory policies
or unwritten rules that everybody knows
but no one’s willing to admit to
diseases like Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s
or HIV AIDS or cancer
we can’t necessarily slay vampires like
this but if we learn to recognize them
we can define them by which I mean we
can take our power back we can get our
lives back and that is the reason that
vampires are worthy of study we can
learn how to cope with our own real
world vampires by paying attention to
the stories we tell ourselves about them
because all stories and when I say
vampire stories I mean movies books
graphic novels video games all of these
are stories about power inequity
vampires are always more powerful than
human beings they’re older stronger
faster they are immune to time and
disease and most conventional weapons
they can change shape some of them can
become mist and slip through keyholes or
under doors and they are masters at mind
games they like to play with their
victims confuse them hijack their free
will so that these people no longer
trust their own judgment they and
perhaps even worse than that
vampires convinced their victims make
them feel complicit and ashamed as if
they somehow deserve to be controlled
and used and then discarded so how do we
fight vampires like this these powerful
entities that stalk us drain us and make
us doubt ourselves the first step is
believe believe that vampires are real
they exist and they are in your way
keeping you from your best life and your
best self do not make excuses for them
it’s not that it doesn’t really mean
anything by it
other people have much more serious
problems really I’m fine it’s not a big
deal maybe your vampire doesn’t seem
like a big deal next to say world hunger
but he is draining you of your power and
energy drop by drop day after day what
is it you think you can do about world
hunger while you yourself are losing the
power that you need for a fight like
that
you have to stop the hemorrhaging first
before you can help anybody else and you
cannot stop your vampire until you
acknowledge his existence in the words
of Professor van Helsing the voice of
authority in the 1931 black and white
Dracula movie the strength of the
vampire is that people will not believe
in him now before I go on I just want to
say something about these steps they
don’t necessarily have to come in
chronological order and in fact you may
not need all of them it can be enough
simply to reframe a problem as a vampire
for example years ago my husband and I
learned it’s a mistake to answer the
phone during dinner it is almost never
anybody we want to talk to it is almost
always somebody who wants to take our
time and sell us something we do not
want so that now my husband says as soon
as the phone rings he says don’t answer
it you know it’s vampires right if we
don’t open the door then they can’t come
in it’s as simple as that
so sometimes all you need is a quick
reframe other problems though are
serious and they are going to need all
the steps so let’s go on to step number
two stake your claim pun very much
intended right it is important that you
identify who or what is draining you
this is an important moment the claim in
all vampire narratives think for example
at that moment in Dracula
when Jonathan is encountering the trio
of vampire women and one of them has her
teeth just against his neck she is just
about to sink her teeth in and suddenly
Dracula appears and he hurls the blond
vampire away from Jonathan and says how
dare you touch him any of you how dare
you cast eyes on him when I had
forbidden it this man belongs to me well
that’s a claim some of you maybe you’re
not familiar with Dracula so perhaps you
are fans of the HBO series True Blood
some of you yes ok so you may recall a
similar scene in which vampire Bill
Compton is defending the heroine against
less friendly vampires by growling
Sookie is
right we’re used to we’re used to seeing
vampires stake there well claim their
victims right this is territorial
behavior this is what we expect of a
predator but we can take a lesson from
Charlene Harris’s dead until dark which
is the first in the Sookie Stackhouse
series that inspired True Blood from the
very beginning of this series Sookie
claims her vampire when bill walks into
that bar where Sookie is working she
immediately decides that he is her
vampire says it on page one she hasn’t
even talked with him yet he is the first
vampire she’s ever met so he is her
first right he sits at one of her table
so he’s her customer and then when she
realizes he’s in danger she decides he’s
also her responsibility and so she saves
him from the very opening of this series
Sookie flips that dominant narrative and
asserts her power the cute blonde girl
is not going to be the victim of this
story she is nobody’s meal for the night
she is not Bill’s pet human he is her
vampire we can flip our narratives to
naming and claiming your vampire makes
you the hero not the victim of your
story but that doesn’t mean that you’re
going to do this alone step three is
build your team something I’ve noticed
about vampire stories they tend to be
long and complex and have large casts of
characters and I think one reason for
that is that it takes a team to defeat a
vampire Buffy the Vampire Slayer has her
Scooby Gang right friends and classmates
who give her all kinds of support van
Helsing has the crew of light which is
scholar Christopher crafts wonderfully
evocative term for Mina Harker Jonathan
Harker dr. Seward and all the others who
are opposing the forces of darkness
I think Stoker’s novel is a really great
example of how effective a good team can
be because after all Dracula’s got to be
one of the most powerful vampires I know
of he can change shape he can travel in
moonlight he can control weather
and yet the people who defeat him are
just ordinary mortals they’re not
Slayers they’re not werewolves they’re
not witches they’re not vengeance demons
they’re ordinary human beings who band
together and bring to this cause their
experience their skill and knowledge
their professional expertise and their
love for one another your team may be
people who’ve identified the same
vampire you have you share a common
enemy or it may be that your team are
the people who support you as you fight
your own vampire these are the people
you can count on to replenish whatever
your vampire is taking away from you and
this is especially important if your
vampire is internal a fear of failure
fear of success tendency to
procrastinate these are all pretty much
the same thing actually right so once
you’ve got your team then you want to
take step 4 do your homework it is not
an accident that van Helsing is a
professor and Buffy’s crew spends so
much time in a library it is important
that you study not only your vampire but
also the strengths and resources of your
team do not be too quick to dismiss
those even something that you’re
thinking of as a weakness can actually
be a strength for example dracula bites
Mina Harker and then forces her to drink
from him creating this psychic bond
between them that he’s going to use to
try to control her and in fact she
learns that he is using her to spy on
the rest of the group but she realizes
this bond can actually be a two-way
street and so she’s able to use that to
spy on him
she was thinking about this forced
intimacy with her vampire as something
that tainted her she thinks she is
unclean this is a violation but she
learns to see this as data as very
valuable data you have an intimate
knowledge of your vampire whatever it is
that’s draining you you are an expert on
this vampire what are his
vulnerabilities nobody knows your
vampire better than you do what are his
weak points how might you use
and while we’re thinking about weak
points step 5 cue the Sun whether it
causes vampires to burst into flame or
just sparkle like in Twilight vampire up
sorry thus the sunlight is your best
weapon for revealing the vampires true
nature maybe you’re in a position to rip
the curtains down drag your vampire out
into the sunlight expose him to the
world maybe you want to be a little more
strategic about this maybe you just want
to hit your vampire with these narrow
beams of light using surgical precision
talking to only a few people maybe a
doctor or your therapist or the members
of your team however you approach this
understand that your vampire is
strongest in the shadows where he feels
safe and you feel cold and frightened
and alone
do not stay there with him and do not
allow him to stay there get yourself
into the sunlight shine the light on the
vampire and watch him shrivel and
finally step 6
keep the faith as father Callahan in
Salem’s Lot Stephen King’s reimagining
of Dracula discovers your best weapons
are useless if you don’t believe in them
father Callahan thinks that he’s
prepared for his showdown with the evil
vampire and he has his crucifix in hand
but he is riddled with self-doubt he’s
not entirely certain this can work so it
doesn’t on the other hand 12 year-old
mark Petri
who has grown up reading vampire comic
books and watching monster movies and
has a whole set of monster models in his
room has no doubt whatsoever so when he
is confronted with a vampire
he picks up a tombstone from one of his
little graveyard model sets because it
has a cross on it and he swings it
around and puts it right in his
vampire’s face this is only a cheap
plastic toy he does not have the power
of the Catholic Church behind him but he
has complete faith that it will work and
it does like to remind you that we began
by saying you have to believe in the
vampires power but we succeed
by believing in our own we have to keep
the faith
remember that vampires will fight dirty
they will get inside your head
they will make you doubt yourself to
defang your vampire you have got to keep
the faith in your weapons in your team
in your cause and most importantly in
yourself now you notice I keep using
this word defang not conquer not slay
because the truth is you may not be able
to defeat your vampire in a single
dramatic showdown every day may bring a
different battle and you may never
achieve final and complete victory we
have to accept this but what you can do
is get the vampire’s teeth out of your
neck you can recognize that you have
been hypnotized into accepting the
vampires dominance and snap out of it
you can call on your team to stop that
steady drain of time and energy you can
refuse to be a victim you can make
yourself and your team the heroes of
your story and you can take your power
back even if it is one drop at a time
every drop you keep makes you that much
stronger and leaves your vampire that
much weaker so once more with feeling
six steps to defang in your vampire
number one believe vampires are real and
you’ve already met yours step two stake
your claim step 3 build your team step 4
do your homework
step 5 cure the Sun and step 6
keep the faith repeat as needed thank you
defining your vampire for the last seven
years I have taught a class here at the
University of Delaware called vampire
culture what’s really at stake and see I
often imagine the reaction of my parents
of my students parents to this I can’t
help but think of them seeing that and
saying something like I pay good money
to that school for your education and
this is what they’re teaching you
vampires why vampires there were a lot
of reasons why vampires actually but the
main one is this vampires are real when
I say that understand that I’m not
talking about the tall dark and undead
with a cape and fangs I’m talking about
those people places and things in your
life that just suck because that’s what
vampires do right the bad ones and those
are the ones that we want to defang bad
vampires suck literally they drink blood
but that is not all they do let us
consider for example Dracula if you’ve
seen any of the movies then you know he
can become a bat but if you’ve read Bram
Stoker’s novel then you know he can also
become a wolf which makes him a predator
and he is described as a filthy leech
which makes him a parasite Jonathan the
visitor to Transylvania calls him this
when he finds Dracula lying in a coffin
engorged with blood so the vampire is
both a predator and a parasite someone
who takes and maintains his power by
stalking his prey and draining them of
blood the blood is the life this
statement resonates throughout Dracula
and this idea the blood is the life the
blood equals life is the key to
understanding the real value of the
vampire story for us if we think of the
vampire as someone who drains without
giving anything back someone who takes
from us those things that give our life
its quality then vampires don’t
drink blood they steal our time they
steal our money they’d steal our health
they’d take our passion our energy our
hope our self-esteem our very sense of
self in other words they take our power
which means that a vampire might be an
abusive parent or partner a vampire
might be an exploitative employer or
industry a vampire might be a system of
unjust laws or discriminatory policies
or unwritten rules that everybody knows
but no one’s willing to admit to
diseases like Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s
or HIV AIDS or cancer
we can’t necessarily slay vampires like
this but if we learn to recognize them
we can define them by which I mean we
can take our power back we can get our
lives back and that is the reason that
vampires are worthy of study we can
learn how to cope with our own real
world vampires by paying attention to
the stories we tell ourselves about them
because all stories and when I say
vampire stories I mean movies books
graphic novels video games all of these
are stories about power inequity
vampires are always more powerful than
human beings they’re older stronger
faster they are immune to time and
disease and most conventional weapons
they can change shape some of them can
become mist and slip through keyholes or
under doors and they are masters at mind
games they like to play with their
victims confuse them hijack their free
will so that these people no longer
trust their own judgment they and
perhaps even worse than that
vampires convinced their victims make
them feel complicit and ashamed as if
they somehow deserve to be controlled
and used and then discarded so how do we
fight vampires like this these powerful
entities that stalk us drain us and make
us doubt ourselves the first step is
believe believe that vampires are real
they exist and they are in your way
keeping you from your best life and your
best self do not make excuses for them
it’s not that it doesn’t really mean
anything by it
other people have much more serious
problems really I’m fine it’s not a big
deal maybe your vampire doesn’t seem
like a big deal next to say world hunger
but he is draining you of your power and
energy drop by drop day after day what
is it you think you can do about world
hunger while you yourself are losing the
power that you need for a fight like
that
you have to stop the hemorrhaging first
before you can help anybody else and you
cannot stop your vampire until you
acknowledge his existence in the words
of Professor van Helsing the voice of
authority in the 1931 black and white
Dracula movie the strength of the
vampire is that people will not believe
in him now before I go on I just want to
say something about these steps they
don’t necessarily have to come in
chronological order and in fact you may
not need all of them it can be enough
simply to reframe a problem as a vampire
for example years ago my husband and I
learned it’s a mistake to answer the
phone during dinner it is almost never
anybody we want to talk to it is almost
always somebody who wants to take our
time and sell us something we do not
want so that now my husband says as soon
as the phone rings he says don’t answer
it you know it’s vampires right if we
don’t open the door then they can’t come
in it’s as simple as that
so sometimes all you need is a quick
reframe other problems though are
serious and they are going to need all
the steps so let’s go on to step number
two stake your claim pun very much
intended right it is important that you
identify who or what is draining you
this is an important moment the claim in
all vampire narratives think for example
at that moment in Dracula
when Jonathan is encountering the trio
of vampire women and one of them has her
teeth just against his neck she is just
about to sink her teeth in and suddenly
Dracula appears and he hurls the blond
vampire away from Jonathan and says how
dare you touch him any of you how dare
you cast eyes on him when I had
forbidden it this man belongs to me well
that’s a claim some of you maybe you’re
not familiar with Dracula so perhaps you
are fans of the HBO series True Blood
some of you yes ok so you may recall a
similar scene in which vampire Bill
Compton is defending the heroine against
less friendly vampires by growling
Sookie is
right we’re used to we’re used to seeing
vampires stake there well claim their
victims right this is territorial
behavior this is what we expect of a
predator but we can take a lesson from
Charlene Harris’s dead until dark which
is the first in the Sookie Stackhouse
series that inspired True Blood from the
very beginning of this series Sookie
claims her vampire when bill walks into
that bar where Sookie is working she
immediately decides that he is her
vampire says it on page one she hasn’t
even talked with him yet he is the first
vampire she’s ever met so he is her
first right he sits at one of her table
so he’s her customer and then when she
realizes he’s in danger she decides he’s
also her responsibility and so she saves
him from the very opening of this series
Sookie flips that dominant narrative and
asserts her power the cute blonde girl
is not going to be the victim of this
story she is nobody’s meal for the night
she is not Bill’s pet human he is her
vampire we can flip our narratives to
naming and claiming your vampire makes
you the hero not the victim of your
story but that doesn’t mean that you’re
going to do this alone step three is
build your team something I’ve noticed
about vampire stories they tend to be
long and complex and have large casts of
characters and I think one reason for
that is that it takes a team to defeat a
vampire Buffy the Vampire Slayer has her
Scooby Gang right friends and classmates
who give her all kinds of support van
Helsing has the crew of light which is
scholar Christopher crafts wonderfully
evocative term for Mina Harker Jonathan
Harker dr. Seward and all the others who
are opposing the forces of darkness
I think Stoker’s novel is a really great
example of how effective a good team can
be because after all Dracula’s got to be
one of the most powerful vampires I know
of he can change shape he can travel in
moonlight he can control weather
and yet the people who defeat him are
just ordinary mortals they’re not
Slayers they’re not werewolves they’re
not witches they’re not vengeance demons
they’re ordinary human beings who band
together and bring to this cause their
experience their skill and knowledge
their professional expertise and their
love for one another your team may be
people who’ve identified the same
vampire you have you share a common
enemy or it may be that your team are
the people who support you as you fight
your own vampire these are the people
you can count on to replenish whatever
your vampire is taking away from you and
this is especially important if your
vampire is internal a fear of failure
fear of success tendency to
procrastinate these are all pretty much
the same thing actually right so once
you’ve got your team then you want to
take step 4 do your homework it is not
an accident that van Helsing is a
professor and Buffy’s crew spends so
much time in a library it is important
that you study not only your vampire but
also the strengths and resources of your
team do not be too quick to dismiss
those even something that you’re
thinking of as a weakness can actually
be a strength for example dracula bites
Mina Harker and then forces her to drink
from him creating this psychic bond
between them that he’s going to use to
try to control her and in fact she
learns that he is using her to spy on
the rest of the group but she realizes
this bond can actually be a two-way
street and so she’s able to use that to
spy on him
she was thinking about this forced
intimacy with her vampire as something
that tainted her she thinks she is
unclean this is a violation but she
learns to see this as data as very
valuable data you have an intimate
knowledge of your vampire whatever it is
that’s draining you you are an expert on
this vampire what are his
vulnerabilities nobody knows your
vampire better than you do what are his
weak points how might you use
and while we’re thinking about weak
points step 5 cue the Sun whether it
causes vampires to burst into flame or
just sparkle like in Twilight vampire up
sorry thus the sunlight is your best
weapon for revealing the vampires true
nature maybe you’re in a position to rip
the curtains down drag your vampire out
into the sunlight expose him to the
world maybe you want to be a little more
strategic about this maybe you just want
to hit your vampire with these narrow
beams of light using surgical precision
talking to only a few people maybe a
doctor or your therapist or the members
of your team however you approach this
understand that your vampire is
strongest in the shadows where he feels
safe and you feel cold and frightened
and alone
do not stay there with him and do not
allow him to stay there get yourself
into the sunlight shine the light on the
vampire and watch him shrivel and
finally step 6
keep the faith as father Callahan in
Salem’s Lot Stephen King’s reimagining
of Dracula discovers your best weapons
are useless if you don’t believe in them
father Callahan thinks that he’s
prepared for his showdown with the evil
vampire and he has his crucifix in hand
but he is riddled with self-doubt he’s
not entirely certain this can work so it
doesn’t on the other hand 12 year-old
mark Petri
who has grown up reading vampire comic
books and watching monster movies and
has a whole set of monster models in his
room has no doubt whatsoever so when he
is confronted with a vampire
he picks up a tombstone from one of his
little graveyard model sets because it
has a cross on it and he swings it
around and puts it right in his
vampire’s face this is only a cheap
plastic toy he does not have the power
of the Catholic Church behind him but he
has complete faith that it will work and
it does like to remind you that we began
by saying you have to believe in the
vampires power but we succeed
by believing in our own we have to keep
the faith
remember that vampires will fight dirty
they will get inside your head
they will make you doubt yourself to
defang your vampire you have got to keep
the faith in your weapons in your team
in your cause and most importantly in
yourself now you notice I keep using
this word defang not conquer not slay
because the truth is you may not be able
to defeat your vampire in a single
dramatic showdown every day may bring a
different battle and you may never
achieve final and complete victory we
have to accept this but what you can do
is get the vampire’s teeth out of your
neck you can recognize that you have
been hypnotized into accepting the
vampires dominance and snap out of it
you can call on your team to stop that
steady drain of time and energy you can
refuse to be a victim you can make
yourself and your team the heroes of
your story and you can take your power
back even if it is one drop at a time
every drop you keep makes you that much
stronger and leaves your vampire that
much weaker so once more with feeling
six steps to defang in your vampire
number one believe vampires are real and
you’ve already met yours step two stake
your claim step 3 build your team step 4
do your homework
step 5 cure the Sun and step 6
keep the faith repeat as needed thank you
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