[Applause]
I’d actually like to start off by asking
you guys for a little bit of a favor and
that’s to rid yourself of any kind of
preconceived judgments that you might
have of me whether that’s that I compete
in pageants whether that’s the fact that
I’m an Asian American woman who’s going
to be speaking to you about diversity of
the day whatever it might be I want you
to think of me as a person and as an
individual I want you to see me as
Eileen Kim and the reason for that is
because today I’m going to be speaking
about the four stages that led me to
loving myself and loving who I was and
not allowing any label no matter how
great or how terrible might be I would
not let those labels identify Who I am
so the first stage for me was self-doubt
and this came at a very early age
because I was actually born and raised
in Minnesota I’m out of all states that
was the place that my parents decided to
raise me meaning that I used to have the
accent and if you’re from Minnesota and
don’t think you have it you do um I
realized that I just I looked so
different from everyone else and I you
know couldn’t really realize why and if
you have no idea what the demographics
and good old Minnesota look like here’s
a picture here in my glory days in
middle school um with six of my very
best friends you know I still love them
and I still care for them so much and
they’re actually so supportive of me
still today even when I was in eighth
grade
but if you can tell I looked very
different and that led me to questioning
a lot about myself
nothing nothing bad just why was I
different why why do I look different
why was a way that I was raised why were
my cultures and traditions so different
from theirs well it’s because of the
fact that I was an Asian American and
they weren’t and a lot of people
actually asked me what it was like to
grow up in Minnesota especially as an
asian-american and you would expect you
know kind of racist remarks because
there weren’t a lot of us but the truth
was that it was actually more
that their questions and the remarks
were just kind of out of curiosity
because there wasn’t a lot of us they
just wanted to know more so in eighth
grade I found out that I was going to be
moving to finally the warm weather
California and I was just so so ecstatic
about it especially the first time I
remember my family visiting Koreatown oh
my goodness I can’t even tell you what
that experience was like because for the
first time I saw people who looked like
me people who had the same experiences
as me people who spoke the same language
as me but the truth of the matter was
that being different meant kind of going
down two different paths one of them was
empowerment meaning that you take these
differences and you take charge of them
and you’re proud of them and the other
one is soft deprecation and
unfortunately where I came to when I
moved to California was the self
deprecation and the reasoning for that
was that even though Minnesota had a lot
of diversity and California had that
diversity the thing that I noticed was
that stereotypes were actually
reinforced a lot more because there were
more of us more people had observations
more people had comments to make and I
unfortunately went down to that point of
self-deprecation I was no longer you I
was no longer questioning why was the
way that I was I was blaming myself for
it because no matter the accomplishments
that I had I had attributed them all to
the fact that was a woman or that I was
Asian or any sort of label that people
had on me no it’s it’s typical to see a
violinist who is Asian and to be concert
master of four different orchestras I
was never proud of that because I
thought that that was what was expected
of me it all came down to expectations
and as an asian-american if I got a bad
grade I wasn’t just disappointed with
myself I was disappointed of the fact
that I couldn’t live up to that
stereotype and it was so disappointed
because when we see media what do we see
if you don’t get A’s in you’re an Asian
you’re a Bayesian oh right
um hey so you know having having seen
those types of things in the media made
me really question who I was and that
unfortunately was not only
self-deprecation but that did lead me to
self-harm and self-harm to me is
characterized by the intentional act of
harming oneself whether it’s your body
or whatever it might be and for me that
meant cutting and that meant becoming
anorexic becoming bulimic and I didn’t
think anything was wrong with that
especially as an asian-american beauty
standards for us are so different and I
thought in order to be beautiful I had
to be skinnier that’s not the truth for
any of you guys who might believe that
you’re beautiful the way that you are
and growing up I especially realized
through this diagram that you can see
that self-harm and mental illnesses we
only see the tip of the iceberg here
because we don’t see all the people who
actually face self-harm or even thoughts
about doing that piece if you take a
moment to really think about what
self-harm is you have to reach such a
low point where you’re willing to hurt
yourself where you’re no longer afraid
of getting bruised or getting cut you do
that to yourself and I knew that I it
was hard for me I fortunately was
actually able to combat both anorexia
and bulimia myself and I’m very proud to
say that I haven’t returned to any of
those types of any of those acts in
recent years and that’s because I was
able to seek help when I went to college
and because the thing with self-harm and
people do tend to ask me what is going
on in my head and I do that is that
especially when you’re in a world where
you know you have stereotypes and people
are putting these labels on you you want
to make a decision for yourself and
that’s exactly what I wanted to do I
just wanted to take control of something
in my life something that wasn’t
expected of me
and that came out through self-harm and
it’s extremely unfortunate but when I
went to college and had a little more
independence in my life that’s I reached
self-identity self-identity meant
figuring out who I really was and when I
sought help I realized that I wasn’t
just here to go to law school and that’s
my aspiration is to go to law school and
I’ve been dreaming of that ever since I
was like four or five but that was my
sense of purpose this entire time and
then when I saw it help there asked me
what are your goals you know what do you
want to do go to law school what else do
you want in your life I don’t even know
where I wanted to live I didn’t know if
I wanted a family I didn’t know if I
wanted to get married I didn’t know any
of that I just knew that I wanted to go
to law school and I will I’m still Fanny
on doing that today but I needed a
bigger sense of purpose because that
wasn’t the end for me coming to college
shouldn’t be the end point in your life
and through that self-identity you know
I questioned every time I self-harmed I
you know thought why am I here why am I
doing this why am I the way that I am
but why was I born why don’t what am I
gonna do in this world and when I
reached that self-identity I finally
realized why had gone through all these
adversities because it wasn’t just to go
to law school and help those who needed
it it was to be here like I am today in
front of you to speak about my story and
to reach out to anyone who might feel
different who might feel as if they have
these expectations of them because
what’s important is finding who you are
and if you’re able to do so you find the
next stage and the last which is self
love you learn to love yourself and love
all these different you know different
aspects of your life you’re no longer
attributing them to any of the labels
that have been put on you you love
yourself for who you are and so one
thing that I want you all to take away
today is finding out you know who you
are as a person
not what people expect of you
now we’re you know labels are placed on
you it’s to think about what you want to
do and if that fits any sort of
stereotype that’s perfectly okay but
it’s just about making sure that you
know that that’s what you want and
that’s who you are
and if you see from this next picture
that was a moment that I was crowned
Miss Orange County 2017
[Applause]
thank you that was the moment that I
joined the Miss America Organization
because I realized that I had a sense of
purpose and to achieve that goal was to
compete in pageants and you might think
oh it’s just to look pretty and to do
your hair it’s actually not the case at
all it’s a scholarship organization
that’s there to empower women and their
differences and for that reason you can
see from my face just how happy I am
but that crown when that was placed on
my head it wasn’t about having a crown
or having a title it was because for the
first time I was living for myself I was
I finally realized that I could serve
others and that I had the foundation to
do what I’m doing today so please please
don’t think about any sort of labels
that anyone wants to put on you think
about yourself think about what you want
to do and think about the impact that
you can make on the world because if you
do so this face might be on yours you
might realize just how happy you can be
and exactly where you want to go in life
thank you
[Applause]
you
I’d actually like to start off by asking
you guys for a little bit of a favor and
that’s to rid yourself of any kind of
preconceived judgments that you might
have of me whether that’s that I compete
in pageants whether that’s the fact that
I’m an Asian American woman who’s going
to be speaking to you about diversity of
the day whatever it might be I want you
to think of me as a person and as an
individual I want you to see me as
Eileen Kim and the reason for that is
because today I’m going to be speaking
about the four stages that led me to
loving myself and loving who I was and
not allowing any label no matter how
great or how terrible might be I would
not let those labels identify Who I am
so the first stage for me was self-doubt
and this came at a very early age
because I was actually born and raised
in Minnesota I’m out of all states that
was the place that my parents decided to
raise me meaning that I used to have the
accent and if you’re from Minnesota and
don’t think you have it you do um I
realized that I just I looked so
different from everyone else and I you
know couldn’t really realize why and if
you have no idea what the demographics
and good old Minnesota look like here’s
a picture here in my glory days in
middle school um with six of my very
best friends you know I still love them
and I still care for them so much and
they’re actually so supportive of me
still today even when I was in eighth
grade
but if you can tell I looked very
different and that led me to questioning
a lot about myself
nothing nothing bad just why was I
different why why do I look different
why was a way that I was raised why were
my cultures and traditions so different
from theirs well it’s because of the
fact that I was an Asian American and
they weren’t and a lot of people
actually asked me what it was like to
grow up in Minnesota especially as an
asian-american and you would expect you
know kind of racist remarks because
there weren’t a lot of us but the truth
was that it was actually more
that their questions and the remarks
were just kind of out of curiosity
because there wasn’t a lot of us they
just wanted to know more so in eighth
grade I found out that I was going to be
moving to finally the warm weather
California and I was just so so ecstatic
about it especially the first time I
remember my family visiting Koreatown oh
my goodness I can’t even tell you what
that experience was like because for the
first time I saw people who looked like
me people who had the same experiences
as me people who spoke the same language
as me but the truth of the matter was
that being different meant kind of going
down two different paths one of them was
empowerment meaning that you take these
differences and you take charge of them
and you’re proud of them and the other
one is soft deprecation and
unfortunately where I came to when I
moved to California was the self
deprecation and the reasoning for that
was that even though Minnesota had a lot
of diversity and California had that
diversity the thing that I noticed was
that stereotypes were actually
reinforced a lot more because there were
more of us more people had observations
more people had comments to make and I
unfortunately went down to that point of
self-deprecation I was no longer you I
was no longer questioning why was the
way that I was I was blaming myself for
it because no matter the accomplishments
that I had I had attributed them all to
the fact that was a woman or that I was
Asian or any sort of label that people
had on me no it’s it’s typical to see a
violinist who is Asian and to be concert
master of four different orchestras I
was never proud of that because I
thought that that was what was expected
of me it all came down to expectations
and as an asian-american if I got a bad
grade I wasn’t just disappointed with
myself I was disappointed of the fact
that I couldn’t live up to that
stereotype and it was so disappointed
because when we see media what do we see
if you don’t get A’s in you’re an Asian
you’re a Bayesian oh right
um hey so you know having having seen
those types of things in the media made
me really question who I was and that
unfortunately was not only
self-deprecation but that did lead me to
self-harm and self-harm to me is
characterized by the intentional act of
harming oneself whether it’s your body
or whatever it might be and for me that
meant cutting and that meant becoming
anorexic becoming bulimic and I didn’t
think anything was wrong with that
especially as an asian-american beauty
standards for us are so different and I
thought in order to be beautiful I had
to be skinnier that’s not the truth for
any of you guys who might believe that
you’re beautiful the way that you are
and growing up I especially realized
through this diagram that you can see
that self-harm and mental illnesses we
only see the tip of the iceberg here
because we don’t see all the people who
actually face self-harm or even thoughts
about doing that piece if you take a
moment to really think about what
self-harm is you have to reach such a
low point where you’re willing to hurt
yourself where you’re no longer afraid
of getting bruised or getting cut you do
that to yourself and I knew that I it
was hard for me I fortunately was
actually able to combat both anorexia
and bulimia myself and I’m very proud to
say that I haven’t returned to any of
those types of any of those acts in
recent years and that’s because I was
able to seek help when I went to college
and because the thing with self-harm and
people do tend to ask me what is going
on in my head and I do that is that
especially when you’re in a world where
you know you have stereotypes and people
are putting these labels on you you want
to make a decision for yourself and
that’s exactly what I wanted to do I
just wanted to take control of something
in my life something that wasn’t
expected of me
and that came out through self-harm and
it’s extremely unfortunate but when I
went to college and had a little more
independence in my life that’s I reached
self-identity self-identity meant
figuring out who I really was and when I
sought help I realized that I wasn’t
just here to go to law school and that’s
my aspiration is to go to law school and
I’ve been dreaming of that ever since I
was like four or five but that was my
sense of purpose this entire time and
then when I saw it help there asked me
what are your goals you know what do you
want to do go to law school what else do
you want in your life I don’t even know
where I wanted to live I didn’t know if
I wanted a family I didn’t know if I
wanted to get married I didn’t know any
of that I just knew that I wanted to go
to law school and I will I’m still Fanny
on doing that today but I needed a
bigger sense of purpose because that
wasn’t the end for me coming to college
shouldn’t be the end point in your life
and through that self-identity you know
I questioned every time I self-harmed I
you know thought why am I here why am I
doing this why am I the way that I am
but why was I born why don’t what am I
gonna do in this world and when I
reached that self-identity I finally
realized why had gone through all these
adversities because it wasn’t just to go
to law school and help those who needed
it it was to be here like I am today in
front of you to speak about my story and
to reach out to anyone who might feel
different who might feel as if they have
these expectations of them because
what’s important is finding who you are
and if you’re able to do so you find the
next stage and the last which is self
love you learn to love yourself and love
all these different you know different
aspects of your life you’re no longer
attributing them to any of the labels
that have been put on you you love
yourself for who you are and so one
thing that I want you all to take away
today is finding out you know who you
are as a person
not what people expect of you
now we’re you know labels are placed on
you it’s to think about what you want to
do and if that fits any sort of
stereotype that’s perfectly okay but
it’s just about making sure that you
know that that’s what you want and
that’s who you are
and if you see from this next picture
that was a moment that I was crowned
Miss Orange County 2017
[Applause]
thank you that was the moment that I
joined the Miss America Organization
because I realized that I had a sense of
purpose and to achieve that goal was to
compete in pageants and you might think
oh it’s just to look pretty and to do
your hair it’s actually not the case at
all it’s a scholarship organization
that’s there to empower women and their
differences and for that reason you can
see from my face just how happy I am
but that crown when that was placed on
my head it wasn’t about having a crown
or having a title it was because for the
first time I was living for myself I was
I finally realized that I could serve
others and that I had the foundation to
do what I’m doing today so please please
don’t think about any sort of labels
that anyone wants to put on you think
about yourself think about what you want
to do and think about the impact that
you can make on the world because if you
do so this face might be on yours you
might realize just how happy you can be
and exactly where you want to go in life
thank you
[Applause]
you
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