so I understand that I am the last
Speaker of the evening and my talk is
going to end with a blessing and I would
like to encourage you to come as close
to you as you can to the stage I’m not
allowed to be very close to you because
if you do then you don’t see me so I
want to be talking about looking through
the eyes of love and living with less
judgment the world now is too dangerous
and too beautiful for anything but love
when my daughter Laura was born and I
held my first child in my hand something
happened I felt a love that was so
strong I knew it would never end no
matter what she did I couldn’t stop
loving her and believe me she did a lot
but her misdeeds and her childhood cruel
tease never defined her I could only
look at her through the eyes of love as
this sparkling beautiful human capable
of and deserving of love and I wonder
why don’t look at myself that way and
why we don’t look at other people that
way I know for me it’s the mistakes that
stick I’ll have a conversation with a
group of people and I’ll say 10 amazing
funny things and one stupid thing and I
will leave that conversation and say to
myself I can’t believe I said that I am
so stupid and in that moment I am no
longer Brian Baker amazing human I am he
who says stupid things and we do it with
strangers like that someone cuts us off
in traffic and we don’t think oh I wish
they made a different driving choice you
think what an idiot we look at them as
something less than human and we do it
with groups of people millions of people
people that my
support a different political candidate
or have support a social view that’s
different than ours and it’s not just
that we disagree but we disdain and even
more so when we are in groups of
like-minded friends smugly
congratulating ourselves that were not
like them you could make the case that
this is the fatal flaw in the human
condition
the way that we judge ourselves and one
another based on the worst we have done
rather than the best we could be I
believe that that is the point of the
story of Adam and Eve this creation myth
that’s at the foundation of three of the
world’s major religions was written
2,500 years ago to answer one question
why are we such a mess and in this story
God creates the heavens and the earth
and God says this is awesome this is
very good and God turns to the humans
and says enjoy and everything will be
okay as long as you don’t do one thing
don’t eat the fruit of the tree of the
knowledge of good and evil don’t judge
what I have created and called good
don’t judge it as evil and of course
they eat the fruit and the next thing
they do is they look at their own pure
unclothed human form and they go like
this they judge themselves as evil I’m
so ugly I’m so fat I’m disgusting and
they hide in the bushes and then God
comes walking through the garden and the
Adam and Eve instead of running out and
greeting God and holding hands and
chatting as they they walk through the
garden they hide in the bushes and God
says where are you and they say we can’t
come out we’re naked and and God’s heart
breaks who told you you were naked
Adham blame eat blames Eve Eve blames
the serpent Cain kills Abel and here we
are looking at one another with disdain
and disgust we can hardly talk to each
other but it doesn’t have to be this way
that story was written to hold up a
mirror to show us what we are doing
wrong so that we can change and I would
like to propose three spiritual
practices that can help us be less judgy
to help us look at ourselves and one
another and other people through the
eyes of love the first is to pay
attention to your thoughts
you know our inner critic our judgy
brain kicks in and we don’t even notice
it so pay attention be mindful of when
you start cutting yourself down or
diminishing other people any thinking
that leads to division did you know that
the root word for the net word devil
means to divide the devil is in the
business of dividing and I believe any
thinking any speaking that divides
people one from another any media that
we consume that divides people is of the
devil and it’s not healthy and if we
could be mindful of it and think of it
and realize it’s not healthy we can
begin to allow it to diminish the second
spiritual practice I want to propose is
that we assume that every human on the
face of the earth is doing the best that
they can we have no idea what people are
struggling with everybody is paralyzed
by fear and insecurity and judgment and
we don’t know the ways that they have
been abused or are being abused or the
addictions they’re struggling with we
don’t know how they were raised
I believe I mean it’s a miracle we are
as good as we are to one another given
our backstories and what we’re
struggling with I have a friend whose
granny barb used to say everybody’s
doing the best they can
and sometimes their best is pretty
shitty sometimes my best is pretty
shitty but it’s the best I can do and
third is to cultivate a curiosity about
other people particularly people that
you disagree with or don’t like
cultivate a curiosity about who they
really are behind your prejudice or your
judgment the people are too fascinating
to write off so quickly I was given an
opportunity to practice this third
spiritual discipline a year ago when my
daughter Laura invited me to come to
Burning Man my daughter who is this 22
she was a 22 year old dreadlock tattooed
I’m more of a Buddhist who invited her
West Point graduate Army veteran
Episcopal priest father to come to
Burning Man with her and at Burning Man
I encountered lots of people that I
might have you know been judgy about but
this place encouraged me to be better
than that
and I want to tell you one story and
that is prior to coming to Burning Man I
received a message from a woman in my
congregation and she said I go to
Burning Man every year and I stay at a
camp called poly Paradise and I hope
that we can connect now my daughter had
chose for us to stay at Camp perky parts
which was a mannequin themed camp
so I was thinking poly paradise maybe
that’s a polyester themed camp and they
wear clothes from the 70s like I wore in
in high school and it was Thursday night
the night of my camps song Thursday
party when this woman from my church and
I linked up and she came up to me and
the first thing that she said was I am
so sorry I haven’t been to church lately
but you know I’m staying at a camp
called poly Paradise and that’s a camp
for people in polyamorous relationships
and while my husband lives in Sacramento
my boyfriend
lives in San Francisco and on weekends
I’m with my boyfriend in San Francisco
which is why I haven’t been able to go
to church lately so the first thing that
pops in my mind is so the thing you’re
confessing is you haven’t been to church
lately and your justification is you’re
with your boyfriend and not your husband
but the second thing that popped in my
mind was how cool that you’re telling me
this and that you trust me to look at
you through the eyes of love and not run
away screaming and she and I’ve been to
lunch several times since then and I
learned from her the courage that hurt
it took for her to tell me her truth and
she has been we have become much better
friends now that I know this about her
than if she had kept it secret the world
now is too dangerous and too beautiful
for anything but love may your eyes be
so blessed you see God in every one your
ears so you hear the cry of the poor may
your lips be so blessed you speak
nothing but the truth in love and your
hands so that everything you touch is a
sacrament may your feet be so blessed to
you run to those who need you and may
your heart be so opened so set on fire
that your love your love changes
everything
amen
[Music]
thank you so much
Speaker of the evening and my talk is
going to end with a blessing and I would
like to encourage you to come as close
to you as you can to the stage I’m not
allowed to be very close to you because
if you do then you don’t see me so I
want to be talking about looking through
the eyes of love and living with less
judgment the world now is too dangerous
and too beautiful for anything but love
when my daughter Laura was born and I
held my first child in my hand something
happened I felt a love that was so
strong I knew it would never end no
matter what she did I couldn’t stop
loving her and believe me she did a lot
but her misdeeds and her childhood cruel
tease never defined her I could only
look at her through the eyes of love as
this sparkling beautiful human capable
of and deserving of love and I wonder
why don’t look at myself that way and
why we don’t look at other people that
way I know for me it’s the mistakes that
stick I’ll have a conversation with a
group of people and I’ll say 10 amazing
funny things and one stupid thing and I
will leave that conversation and say to
myself I can’t believe I said that I am
so stupid and in that moment I am no
longer Brian Baker amazing human I am he
who says stupid things and we do it with
strangers like that someone cuts us off
in traffic and we don’t think oh I wish
they made a different driving choice you
think what an idiot we look at them as
something less than human and we do it
with groups of people millions of people
people that my
support a different political candidate
or have support a social view that’s
different than ours and it’s not just
that we disagree but we disdain and even
more so when we are in groups of
like-minded friends smugly
congratulating ourselves that were not
like them you could make the case that
this is the fatal flaw in the human
condition
the way that we judge ourselves and one
another based on the worst we have done
rather than the best we could be I
believe that that is the point of the
story of Adam and Eve this creation myth
that’s at the foundation of three of the
world’s major religions was written
2,500 years ago to answer one question
why are we such a mess and in this story
God creates the heavens and the earth
and God says this is awesome this is
very good and God turns to the humans
and says enjoy and everything will be
okay as long as you don’t do one thing
don’t eat the fruit of the tree of the
knowledge of good and evil don’t judge
what I have created and called good
don’t judge it as evil and of course
they eat the fruit and the next thing
they do is they look at their own pure
unclothed human form and they go like
this they judge themselves as evil I’m
so ugly I’m so fat I’m disgusting and
they hide in the bushes and then God
comes walking through the garden and the
Adam and Eve instead of running out and
greeting God and holding hands and
chatting as they they walk through the
garden they hide in the bushes and God
says where are you and they say we can’t
come out we’re naked and and God’s heart
breaks who told you you were naked
Adham blame eat blames Eve Eve blames
the serpent Cain kills Abel and here we
are looking at one another with disdain
and disgust we can hardly talk to each
other but it doesn’t have to be this way
that story was written to hold up a
mirror to show us what we are doing
wrong so that we can change and I would
like to propose three spiritual
practices that can help us be less judgy
to help us look at ourselves and one
another and other people through the
eyes of love the first is to pay
attention to your thoughts
you know our inner critic our judgy
brain kicks in and we don’t even notice
it so pay attention be mindful of when
you start cutting yourself down or
diminishing other people any thinking
that leads to division did you know that
the root word for the net word devil
means to divide the devil is in the
business of dividing and I believe any
thinking any speaking that divides
people one from another any media that
we consume that divides people is of the
devil and it’s not healthy and if we
could be mindful of it and think of it
and realize it’s not healthy we can
begin to allow it to diminish the second
spiritual practice I want to propose is
that we assume that every human on the
face of the earth is doing the best that
they can we have no idea what people are
struggling with everybody is paralyzed
by fear and insecurity and judgment and
we don’t know the ways that they have
been abused or are being abused or the
addictions they’re struggling with we
don’t know how they were raised
I believe I mean it’s a miracle we are
as good as we are to one another given
our backstories and what we’re
struggling with I have a friend whose
granny barb used to say everybody’s
doing the best they can
and sometimes their best is pretty
shitty sometimes my best is pretty
shitty but it’s the best I can do and
third is to cultivate a curiosity about
other people particularly people that
you disagree with or don’t like
cultivate a curiosity about who they
really are behind your prejudice or your
judgment the people are too fascinating
to write off so quickly I was given an
opportunity to practice this third
spiritual discipline a year ago when my
daughter Laura invited me to come to
Burning Man my daughter who is this 22
she was a 22 year old dreadlock tattooed
I’m more of a Buddhist who invited her
West Point graduate Army veteran
Episcopal priest father to come to
Burning Man with her and at Burning Man
I encountered lots of people that I
might have you know been judgy about but
this place encouraged me to be better
than that
and I want to tell you one story and
that is prior to coming to Burning Man I
received a message from a woman in my
congregation and she said I go to
Burning Man every year and I stay at a
camp called poly Paradise and I hope
that we can connect now my daughter had
chose for us to stay at Camp perky parts
which was a mannequin themed camp
so I was thinking poly paradise maybe
that’s a polyester themed camp and they
wear clothes from the 70s like I wore in
in high school and it was Thursday night
the night of my camps song Thursday
party when this woman from my church and
I linked up and she came up to me and
the first thing that she said was I am
so sorry I haven’t been to church lately
but you know I’m staying at a camp
called poly Paradise and that’s a camp
for people in polyamorous relationships
and while my husband lives in Sacramento
my boyfriend
lives in San Francisco and on weekends
I’m with my boyfriend in San Francisco
which is why I haven’t been able to go
to church lately so the first thing that
pops in my mind is so the thing you’re
confessing is you haven’t been to church
lately and your justification is you’re
with your boyfriend and not your husband
but the second thing that popped in my
mind was how cool that you’re telling me
this and that you trust me to look at
you through the eyes of love and not run
away screaming and she and I’ve been to
lunch several times since then and I
learned from her the courage that hurt
it took for her to tell me her truth and
she has been we have become much better
friends now that I know this about her
than if she had kept it secret the world
now is too dangerous and too beautiful
for anything but love may your eyes be
so blessed you see God in every one your
ears so you hear the cry of the poor may
your lips be so blessed you speak
nothing but the truth in love and your
hands so that everything you touch is a
sacrament may your feet be so blessed to
you run to those who need you and may
your heart be so opened so set on fire
that your love your love changes
everything
amen
[Music]
thank you so much
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