at my 50th birthday party
10 years ago my only guests was
mortality but that was okay
she brought a gift even though it was
the same old worn-out gift that most 50
year olds receive it was that message
it’s not too late Joanne but it’s now or
never
and I thought how was I ever going to
get to those far-off and distant places
where all the really important things in
the world were happening like how would
I get to Syria to photograph the white
helmets or Yemen to photograph the
children or Katmandu to photograph the
living saints well I was experiencing an
awful lot of grief at the time immense
grief and those plans were impossible it
took all my ambition to get out of bed
in the morning and so that’s what I did
I decided to get out of bed at first
light each and every day with my camera
and photograph down on the waterfront my
agreement with mortality was that I
would show up as a foreigner I would
show up as an alien I would show up as a
refugee from my own life unfamiliar with
the local customs even though I was
travelling in the 10 mile radius of my
home it really helped that at dawn I
could see what I could not see at any
other time of day and there were moments
and I kid you not where I’d be laughing
out loud head thrown back in ecstasy as
the Sun rose
and the clouds turned crimson and
magenta and I’d be bathed in a succulent
and syrupy golden light with a prayer
forming on my lips and I am NOT the
praying type and I don’t pray to God
nonetheless the prayer sounded like this
oh my god this is amazing
thank you you see showing up to this
kind of beauty became the antidote to my
despair Beauty became my true north from
which I could navigate and one day
chasing that beautiful light down on the
waterfront I was moving from wharf to
Wharf and I turned the corner and a man
was standing there as if he were waiting
for me he saw my camera and he asked me
to photograph him he then swept forward
removing his watch cap to reveal his
shaved head the entire crown of his head
was covered with a tattoo of a wing ‘add
satan excreting human skulls yeah and
the pile of skulls stopped right above
his brow across his forehead were three
bold numerals six six six
I cannot remotely recall how I made the
adjustments that were necessary for my
camera settings to make that photograph
no memory whatsoever but what I do
remember is how badly that man wanted to
be seen and that split-second was all I
had to offer but that’s not all that
happened in that moment at least for me
there was a third presence
and for lack of a better term I’m gonna
call it God God showed up in my camera
and I was surprised to see that she
looks just like a construction worker at
the end of a very long day doing
demolition she placed her grimy
steel-toed boot on the bottom of my
shutter she held open the top with a
muscular forearm and with her other hand
she reached through the shutter through
the body of the camera through the
viewfinder to take firm grasp of my
throat because of course that’s where my
heart was residing and I I felt nothing
but ferocious love I could not see her
face that was obliterated by light but I
could hear her voice and for the record
she sounds like a chain-smoker
she said Joanne look this is life living
itself and with that the shutter
released poof she was gone and there I
was photographer and subject in
complicit and intimate relationship for
the man with a tattoo nodded his head
and walked on as did I murmuring that
prayer oh my god this is amazing thank
from that moment the inhabitants of this
early-morning landscape namely the
homeless the recovery community and the
fishermen of the working waterfront came
into closer or clearer focus
and I felt like I had finally arrived on
that distant and far offshore where all
the really important things are
happening that I so longed for you see
these split-second intimate
relationships began to blur the line
between us and them began to blur the
line between you and me and in its place
I felt I stood in the family of man but
don’t get me wrong it’s a crazy and
dysfunctional family filled with misfits
and thugs drunk uncles crazy aunts liars
thieves and enlightened saints and I
could not tell the difference between
the sinner and the saints in fact the
camera would reveal over and over again
that they exist in the same image
simultaneously these frequent exposures
to profoundly painful and deeply broken
worlds ironically eased my grief
deepened my empathy and created profound
unexpected and deeply welcome connection
and it made me wonder what is it that
ferocious love calls you to do ferocious
love calls my friend to collect trash
plastic bag by plastic bag he has
collected over 3000 pounds of material
this year alone and no one will ever
know he’s done it there is a woman in
this city who hires only felons
and drug addicts in recovery the
sarcastic amongst us may ask well what
could possibly go wrong there and she
will walk right up to the heat of that
question with her fierce love and kick
it upside down and ask but what will go
right there is a young man in this area
he made a promise to a well when he was
six years old and for 12 of his 18 years
he has educated us he has informed us
about the danger of balloon trash to
marine animals his ferocious love shows
our call to ferocious love can arrive in
a moment of divine inspiration with a
hallelujah chorus in the background ya
know it doesn’t happen like that it’s
gonna show up on the threshold of our
deepest sorrow when we are feeling our
most broken when we are the closest to
our wounds we get close we get close at
poignant times in our life like at the
birth of our child or at the deathbed of
a loved one or simply when someone ahead
of us pays our toll and we feel that
moment of surprise and gratitude how we
show up with our ferocious love to this
broken brittle and in battled world are
the stories we need to share with one
another these are the stories
of our lived experience that will move
us away from our collective grief our
collective despair towards something far
more important than solutions it’s going
to bring us connection because like it
or not for we are so in this together
and like my good friend mortality will
remind us over and over again until it
is too late it is now it’s it’s now or
it is never the invitation is for each
one of us each one of us to show up to
life living itself however that
manifests for you in your life and when
ferocious love calls you whether it
calls you in the dark or it calls you in
the light or it calls you through your
camera lens or it calls you when you’re
blindly stumbling answer the damn call
because oh my god this this is amazing
thank you [Applause]
10 years ago my only guests was
mortality but that was okay
she brought a gift even though it was
the same old worn-out gift that most 50
year olds receive it was that message
it’s not too late Joanne but it’s now or
never
and I thought how was I ever going to
get to those far-off and distant places
where all the really important things in
the world were happening like how would
I get to Syria to photograph the white
helmets or Yemen to photograph the
children or Katmandu to photograph the
living saints well I was experiencing an
awful lot of grief at the time immense
grief and those plans were impossible it
took all my ambition to get out of bed
in the morning and so that’s what I did
I decided to get out of bed at first
light each and every day with my camera
and photograph down on the waterfront my
agreement with mortality was that I
would show up as a foreigner I would
show up as an alien I would show up as a
refugee from my own life unfamiliar with
the local customs even though I was
travelling in the 10 mile radius of my
home it really helped that at dawn I
could see what I could not see at any
other time of day and there were moments
and I kid you not where I’d be laughing
out loud head thrown back in ecstasy as
the Sun rose
and the clouds turned crimson and
magenta and I’d be bathed in a succulent
and syrupy golden light with a prayer
forming on my lips and I am NOT the
praying type and I don’t pray to God
nonetheless the prayer sounded like this
oh my god this is amazing
thank you you see showing up to this
kind of beauty became the antidote to my
despair Beauty became my true north from
which I could navigate and one day
chasing that beautiful light down on the
waterfront I was moving from wharf to
Wharf and I turned the corner and a man
was standing there as if he were waiting
for me he saw my camera and he asked me
to photograph him he then swept forward
removing his watch cap to reveal his
shaved head the entire crown of his head
was covered with a tattoo of a wing ‘add
satan excreting human skulls yeah and
the pile of skulls stopped right above
his brow across his forehead were three
bold numerals six six six
I cannot remotely recall how I made the
adjustments that were necessary for my
camera settings to make that photograph
no memory whatsoever but what I do
remember is how badly that man wanted to
be seen and that split-second was all I
had to offer but that’s not all that
happened in that moment at least for me
there was a third presence
and for lack of a better term I’m gonna
call it God God showed up in my camera
and I was surprised to see that she
looks just like a construction worker at
the end of a very long day doing
demolition she placed her grimy
steel-toed boot on the bottom of my
shutter she held open the top with a
muscular forearm and with her other hand
she reached through the shutter through
the body of the camera through the
viewfinder to take firm grasp of my
throat because of course that’s where my
heart was residing and I I felt nothing
but ferocious love I could not see her
face that was obliterated by light but I
could hear her voice and for the record
she sounds like a chain-smoker
she said Joanne look this is life living
itself and with that the shutter
released poof she was gone and there I
was photographer and subject in
complicit and intimate relationship for
the man with a tattoo nodded his head
and walked on as did I murmuring that
prayer oh my god this is amazing thank
from that moment the inhabitants of this
early-morning landscape namely the
homeless the recovery community and the
fishermen of the working waterfront came
into closer or clearer focus
and I felt like I had finally arrived on
that distant and far offshore where all
the really important things are
happening that I so longed for you see
these split-second intimate
relationships began to blur the line
between us and them began to blur the
line between you and me and in its place
I felt I stood in the family of man but
don’t get me wrong it’s a crazy and
dysfunctional family filled with misfits
and thugs drunk uncles crazy aunts liars
thieves and enlightened saints and I
could not tell the difference between
the sinner and the saints in fact the
camera would reveal over and over again
that they exist in the same image
simultaneously these frequent exposures
to profoundly painful and deeply broken
worlds ironically eased my grief
deepened my empathy and created profound
unexpected and deeply welcome connection
and it made me wonder what is it that
ferocious love calls you to do ferocious
love calls my friend to collect trash
plastic bag by plastic bag he has
collected over 3000 pounds of material
this year alone and no one will ever
know he’s done it there is a woman in
this city who hires only felons
and drug addicts in recovery the
sarcastic amongst us may ask well what
could possibly go wrong there and she
will walk right up to the heat of that
question with her fierce love and kick
it upside down and ask but what will go
right there is a young man in this area
he made a promise to a well when he was
six years old and for 12 of his 18 years
he has educated us he has informed us
about the danger of balloon trash to
marine animals his ferocious love shows
our call to ferocious love can arrive in
a moment of divine inspiration with a
hallelujah chorus in the background ya
know it doesn’t happen like that it’s
gonna show up on the threshold of our
deepest sorrow when we are feeling our
most broken when we are the closest to
our wounds we get close we get close at
poignant times in our life like at the
birth of our child or at the deathbed of
a loved one or simply when someone ahead
of us pays our toll and we feel that
moment of surprise and gratitude how we
show up with our ferocious love to this
broken brittle and in battled world are
the stories we need to share with one
another these are the stories
of our lived experience that will move
us away from our collective grief our
collective despair towards something far
more important than solutions it’s going
to bring us connection because like it
or not for we are so in this together
and like my good friend mortality will
remind us over and over again until it
is too late it is now it’s it’s now or
it is never the invitation is for each
one of us each one of us to show up to
life living itself however that
manifests for you in your life and when
ferocious love calls you whether it
calls you in the dark or it calls you in
the light or it calls you through your
camera lens or it calls you when you’re
blindly stumbling answer the damn call
because oh my god this this is amazing
thank you [Applause]
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