[Music]
imagine if we lived in a world where
everybody thought about their thinking
because for me doing just that has
completely changed my life tonight when
I talk about thinking and talking about
the stories that we tell ourselves I
want to share with you three stories I
first publicly shared my story in
response to a challenge that my mentor
sent me he asked me to share a story
about myself but meet me vulnerable and
that other people would be able to
relate to my first story I entitled I
used to hate myself and my body pretty
catchy title to start with right story
was off the diary from my 22 year old
self at that time I was size 12 to 14
chubby cheeks with questionable fashion
sense I shared the words that I used to
describe myself at that time I used the
words that I was weak
I was unattractive and I was lazy and in
that diary I spoke about myself in such
a cruel way words that I would never
dream of using to talk about somebody
else
I felt alienated from my body and I was
shy and quiet and I struggled to fit in
with my much more confident nursing
colleagues I just felt like I was never
good enough through the years I’ve had
some counselling I’ve worked on my own
personal development and I’ve now come
to love Who I am
and I’ve made peace with my body and I
shared that in my story
and that how much compassion I now feel
for 22 year old Shana and for the many
people and meet day-to-day who tell
themselves the same story that
used to tell my biggest fear in sharing
this story on Facebook was that my story
would be ignored and that would be left
feeling vulnerable and exposed and that
I’d kind of over shared but better than
that was the relief that I felt from
writing that story so I pressed post and
I finally lurked on Facebook waiting to
see what response I would get to my
relief a lot of people responded to the
post and felt hope but there were maybe
they didn’t like themselves that much at
the time that they saw that there was a
journey and tim was encouraged by their
responses I’ve since fallen in love with
the process of writing and reframing my
story and I now write regularly in a
blog where I share about body image and
eating struggles that I’ve had I believe
that the we we tell our stories the
narrative that goes through our minds is
fundamental in the happiness that we
allow ourselves to feel we all tell
stories all the time every time that we
speak every time that we think we tell
that stories that we’ve inherited for my
appearance and that we have received
from society and from our own
experiences but we get to choose how we
tell other stories and in time we get to
write new stories that the story that 22
year old Shana told was a very
self-critical one at that age she didn’t
know how to think any differently the
story she told she had to look a certain
way
banana beautiful she had to act a
certain way confident hard-working
religiously disciplined and she had to
have certain conditions in place in her
life to be seen to be in a relationship
and have a really good social life I
didn’t meet that criteria and blue root
as a result I had very low self-esteem
but through the years I’ve learned to
reframe my story and I do that by always
asking myself three questions it’s my
story kind is it hopeful and is it
inspiring and if it isn’t I know I need
to work on my authorship I wish I knew
how to reframe my story and to think
about my thinking all those years ago
and if I had I know I would have been a
lot kinder to myself my second story
belongs to a very close friend of mine
her world fell apart when her husband
left her the marriage of 20 years and
their four children when he made a 18
year old woman he left their home and
went to live in another city to be with
her the story that my friend told at
that time to meet Saints of the world
was a very cruel story I remember when
she described herself at the time
thinking that she was describing
something that had come out of a rubbish
bin
she used the words and must be saw
worthless so unattractive
so disposable the thought of a life with
me must be so terrible so terrible that
he’s chosen to leave his children in
order not to be with me as a result she
suffered hugely she’s worked really hard
to reframe that story and she now tells
a different story
she tells that he left because he chose
to and it was about him and that she now
sees that she is a woman of great worth
she’s writing new chapters in her story
chapters of foraging new significant
friendships that she wouldn’t otherwise
have had she’s pursuing her passion for
writing again and she’s doing a degree
that she didn’t get a chance to do and
she might
very young through reframing her story
she’s changing her life she discussed
she found herself in circumstances that
were not of her choosing and that were
out of her control
but she’s be taken control of the way
that she thinks my third story my third
example is off a story that I told
myself and caused myself a lot of pain
by telling myself for some time it was a
topic that I felt both scared and ready
to broach I’d always told myself but my
life would have the happily ever after
the Disney Dream the Hollywood only that
I would meet somebody amazing and we
would settle down and we would have a
family and live happily ever after
aged 39 and a half at the dawning
realization the was there was still
possibility I may not get to play the
role of mother nor a life partner in my
life story other way I had deconstructed
many of my old world views I still
somehow felt like I was missing out
liking something that everybody else
seemed to have at times I felt lonely
and I felt regret for relationships that
hadn’t worked out I questioned why was I
still single and have played different
stories in my mind
maybe I wasn’t attracted enough
attractive enough for slim enough or
smart enough or maybe there was actually
something wrong with me although I knew
the importance of thinking about our
thinking I hadn’t reframed my stories I
was telling restored self stories that
weren’t kind that weren’t hopeful that
weren’t inspiring through
self-reflection talking to close friends
and my love of writing I realized
those stories were not true one of the
reasons that I’m single is to put an all
vanity the ones I’d have wouldn’t have
me and the ones that have me I wouldn’t
have I lost about this in a blog which I
entitled life didn’t turn out the way I
imagined in that blog I shared that I am
choosing to really look at my life
through lenses of self gratitude that
rather than focusing on what I don’t
have I want to focus on what I do have I
may not be somebody’s mother but I want
to be the best auntie in the world and
well right now I’m not somebody’s
partner
I want to aim to be the best daughter
and sister and friend that I can be in
that post I shared that life and turn
out the way I imagined but maybe my
imagination wasn’t big enough if I’d had
the happily ever after I wouldn’t have
the life that I’ve had thus far and I’ve
had an amazing life I’ve lived for years
in London and I’ve travelled the world
as a humanitarian aid worker I’ve
studied and changed my career so often
that my mum struggles to remember what
we do and my dad has positively given up
trying and I run my own business doing
work that I find hugely meaningful
through reframing my story I moved from
being a passive victim in the hand that
life gave her to being an active author
in her own story
Howard trimmin and as a beautiful quote
don’t ask what else world needs ask what
makes you come alive and go and do it
because what this world needs is people
who have come life so I ask you again
imagine a world where we all thought
about our thinking when we all looked at
the stories that we tell ourselves and
we ask are they true I recount and only
inspiring and if they’re not we work on
our own authorship
life is short and precious Miri Oliver
asks a beautiful question what will you
do with this one wild and precious life
what will you do with this one wild and
precious life so let’s not life but life
just happen to us let’s be the authors
in our own wild and precious slaves
thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
imagine if we lived in a world where
everybody thought about their thinking
because for me doing just that has
completely changed my life tonight when
I talk about thinking and talking about
the stories that we tell ourselves I
want to share with you three stories I
first publicly shared my story in
response to a challenge that my mentor
sent me he asked me to share a story
about myself but meet me vulnerable and
that other people would be able to
relate to my first story I entitled I
used to hate myself and my body pretty
catchy title to start with right story
was off the diary from my 22 year old
self at that time I was size 12 to 14
chubby cheeks with questionable fashion
sense I shared the words that I used to
describe myself at that time I used the
words that I was weak
I was unattractive and I was lazy and in
that diary I spoke about myself in such
a cruel way words that I would never
dream of using to talk about somebody
else
I felt alienated from my body and I was
shy and quiet and I struggled to fit in
with my much more confident nursing
colleagues I just felt like I was never
good enough through the years I’ve had
some counselling I’ve worked on my own
personal development and I’ve now come
to love Who I am
and I’ve made peace with my body and I
shared that in my story
and that how much compassion I now feel
for 22 year old Shana and for the many
people and meet day-to-day who tell
themselves the same story that
used to tell my biggest fear in sharing
this story on Facebook was that my story
would be ignored and that would be left
feeling vulnerable and exposed and that
I’d kind of over shared but better than
that was the relief that I felt from
writing that story so I pressed post and
I finally lurked on Facebook waiting to
see what response I would get to my
relief a lot of people responded to the
post and felt hope but there were maybe
they didn’t like themselves that much at
the time that they saw that there was a
journey and tim was encouraged by their
responses I’ve since fallen in love with
the process of writing and reframing my
story and I now write regularly in a
blog where I share about body image and
eating struggles that I’ve had I believe
that the we we tell our stories the
narrative that goes through our minds is
fundamental in the happiness that we
allow ourselves to feel we all tell
stories all the time every time that we
speak every time that we think we tell
that stories that we’ve inherited for my
appearance and that we have received
from society and from our own
experiences but we get to choose how we
tell other stories and in time we get to
write new stories that the story that 22
year old Shana told was a very
self-critical one at that age she didn’t
know how to think any differently the
story she told she had to look a certain
way
banana beautiful she had to act a
certain way confident hard-working
religiously disciplined and she had to
have certain conditions in place in her
life to be seen to be in a relationship
and have a really good social life I
didn’t meet that criteria and blue root
as a result I had very low self-esteem
but through the years I’ve learned to
reframe my story and I do that by always
asking myself three questions it’s my
story kind is it hopeful and is it
inspiring and if it isn’t I know I need
to work on my authorship I wish I knew
how to reframe my story and to think
about my thinking all those years ago
and if I had I know I would have been a
lot kinder to myself my second story
belongs to a very close friend of mine
her world fell apart when her husband
left her the marriage of 20 years and
their four children when he made a 18
year old woman he left their home and
went to live in another city to be with
her the story that my friend told at
that time to meet Saints of the world
was a very cruel story I remember when
she described herself at the time
thinking that she was describing
something that had come out of a rubbish
bin
she used the words and must be saw
worthless so unattractive
so disposable the thought of a life with
me must be so terrible so terrible that
he’s chosen to leave his children in
order not to be with me as a result she
suffered hugely she’s worked really hard
to reframe that story and she now tells
a different story
she tells that he left because he chose
to and it was about him and that she now
sees that she is a woman of great worth
she’s writing new chapters in her story
chapters of foraging new significant
friendships that she wouldn’t otherwise
have had she’s pursuing her passion for
writing again and she’s doing a degree
that she didn’t get a chance to do and
she might
very young through reframing her story
she’s changing her life she discussed
she found herself in circumstances that
were not of her choosing and that were
out of her control
but she’s be taken control of the way
that she thinks my third story my third
example is off a story that I told
myself and caused myself a lot of pain
by telling myself for some time it was a
topic that I felt both scared and ready
to broach I’d always told myself but my
life would have the happily ever after
the Disney Dream the Hollywood only that
I would meet somebody amazing and we
would settle down and we would have a
family and live happily ever after
aged 39 and a half at the dawning
realization the was there was still
possibility I may not get to play the
role of mother nor a life partner in my
life story other way I had deconstructed
many of my old world views I still
somehow felt like I was missing out
liking something that everybody else
seemed to have at times I felt lonely
and I felt regret for relationships that
hadn’t worked out I questioned why was I
still single and have played different
stories in my mind
maybe I wasn’t attracted enough
attractive enough for slim enough or
smart enough or maybe there was actually
something wrong with me although I knew
the importance of thinking about our
thinking I hadn’t reframed my stories I
was telling restored self stories that
weren’t kind that weren’t hopeful that
weren’t inspiring through
self-reflection talking to close friends
and my love of writing I realized
those stories were not true one of the
reasons that I’m single is to put an all
vanity the ones I’d have wouldn’t have
me and the ones that have me I wouldn’t
have I lost about this in a blog which I
entitled life didn’t turn out the way I
imagined in that blog I shared that I am
choosing to really look at my life
through lenses of self gratitude that
rather than focusing on what I don’t
have I want to focus on what I do have I
may not be somebody’s mother but I want
to be the best auntie in the world and
well right now I’m not somebody’s
partner
I want to aim to be the best daughter
and sister and friend that I can be in
that post I shared that life and turn
out the way I imagined but maybe my
imagination wasn’t big enough if I’d had
the happily ever after I wouldn’t have
the life that I’ve had thus far and I’ve
had an amazing life I’ve lived for years
in London and I’ve travelled the world
as a humanitarian aid worker I’ve
studied and changed my career so often
that my mum struggles to remember what
we do and my dad has positively given up
trying and I run my own business doing
work that I find hugely meaningful
through reframing my story I moved from
being a passive victim in the hand that
life gave her to being an active author
in her own story
Howard trimmin and as a beautiful quote
don’t ask what else world needs ask what
makes you come alive and go and do it
because what this world needs is people
who have come life so I ask you again
imagine a world where we all thought
about our thinking when we all looked at
the stories that we tell ourselves and
we ask are they true I recount and only
inspiring and if they’re not we work on
our own authorship
life is short and precious Miri Oliver
asks a beautiful question what will you
do with this one wild and precious life
what will you do with this one wild and
precious life so let’s not life but life
just happen to us let’s be the authors
in our own wild and precious slaves
thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
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