[Music]
as a clinical psychologist I consider it
the highest privilege to be able to join
with someone as they navigate some of
the most difficult moments that they’ve
ever faced medical and psychiatric
illnesses disappointments and life
changes that could throw any of us into
a tailspin the best thing about it is
that I’ve seen hundreds of people change
their lives for the better and it leaves
me in a perpetual state of awe and
wonder and gratitude as I reflect on the
complexity and possibility that resides
within each of us but of all the things
that I’ve seen and heard in my work
there’s one issue that keeps me up at
night
it’s when I meet all these amazing
people whose lives have been placed on
hold because they’ve been sold the idea
that they need to solve all of their
problems first before they can create
anything resembling a happy or
fulfilling life and it’s hard to see
life’s place on hold for this reason so
many of us myself included have the
tendency to focus with laser-like
precision on fixing our deficits our
weaknesses our pain we can spend a
lifetime focusing on the ways that we
failed ourselves and others and the ways
that others have failed us I’m gonna
share with you why this is so profoundly
problematic what the science says about
our ability to experience authentic
positive well-being in the face of
adversity and one powerful thing that
you can do to move beyond fixing beyond
surviving and toward flourishing you see
for the longest time well-being was
essentially defined as the lack of
distress the lack of impairment as
opposed to the presence of something but
it’s completely understandable why it
was thought about in this way because
one in five adults has been impacted by
the distress and disability caused by
mental illness in the past year alone
and the most recent study by the CDC
found that suicide rates in the US have
been trending upward over the past 20
years so it is vital that we continue to
understand how to prevent and reduce the
suffering caused by mental illness but
it has also become increasingly clear
that when we chronically focus on fixing
our deficits and our problems alone it
leads many of us into a downward spiral
of shame a self-loathing and
hopelessness as we neglect the best of
who we are this is where the
psychological science has fallen short
in our understanding of well-being and
this is the very reason that exactly 20
years ago clinical psychologist dr.
Martin Seligman founded the field of
positive psychology dr. Sullivan’s call
to action was that we devote the same
scientific rigor to understanding the
things that make life worth living as we
already do to all the things that can go
wrong with us he referred to it as the
science of human flourishing and what
enables it as the research poured in
over the years from hundreds of
scientists across the world dr. Simon
drew upon the best of it to develop what
he came to call well-being theory and in
it he identified five essential elements
that appeared to be crucial if we want
to move beyond fixing and toward
flourishing and these are positive
emotions which were thought of as a
signal of positive well
and Happiness but it turns out that you
can practice positive emotions to move
toward positive well-being engagement
I’m not talking about the ring on your
finger I’m talking about experiencing a
deep sense of presence being in the
moment positive relationships
cultivating them in your home at school
and at work loving and being loved
supporting and being supportive
experiencing a deep sense of meaning and
purpose in our lives connected to
something larger than ourselves whether
it’s spirituality or nature or your job
as a calling and having a sense of
accomplishment where you’re achieving
something not necessarily for some
external reward but because it’s
personally important to you and you can
remember these five ingredients to a
flourishing life by the acronym perma
now back in 2002 I had the amazing
opportunity to work with dr. Seligman at
the University of Pennsylvania every
neuron and my brain was on fire as I
learned about and then positive
psychology and I decided in that moment
that I would spend the rest of my career
helping people to get unstuck and to
move toward the life that they truly
envisioned for themselves
now with this concept of flourishing
taking hold a better representation of
well-being began to come into focus and
I truly believe that it could change how
you think about your own lives this is
called the complete state model of
mental health now remember in the old
model what we were doing is helping
people to move from high mental illness
symptoms tool or mental illness symptoms
so success meant that you’re now symptom
free or you can now call really
effectively with your problems which is
great but that was the end of the story
but another brilliant thinker by the
name of Professor Cory Keyes who
developed this model actually found
evidence for the following statement he
said the absence of mental illness
not translate into the presence of
mental health do you guys say that with
me the absence of mental illness does
not translate into the presence of
mental health thank you there’s five
elements that are so critical to
flourishing well-being they live on that
vertical dimension so fixing our
problems as important as that maybe
doesn’t get us anywhere near to
flourishing well-being let’s take a spin
around this image because I think it’ll
really help us to understand the
implications of what I’m talking about
but in research so far tells us that
only about 18 percent of us are actually
flourishing experiencing both positive
well-being as well as the lack of mental
illness symptoms and these folks
experience fewer physical health
problems meaning less cardiovascular
disease at work they’re more productive
and then missed fewer days of work than
folks who are not flourishing now the
Forgotten group is this 12% who also
don’t experience mental illness symptoms
but for some reason they’re still
languishing in life but are not
suffering but to varying degrees they
experience a sense of emotional
emptiness this connectedness or
loneliness and a feeling of cynicism
toward life so if you’re languishing
studies have found that you’re actually
six times more likely to go on to
experience the symptoms of a mental
illness than someone who’s flourishing
now this is important because that means
that when we actively move toward trying
to feel good to do good to be with
others that we care about to do things
that are personally meaningful to us
this is not just pleasant or nice it’s
actually protective against mental
illness now those who are struggling may
experience anxiety depression or other
difficulty difficulties in their lives
but they’ve also found a reason to live
and to embrace life I love this group
the struggling strivers and what really
works for them is when they double down
on those aspects of their lives that are
already bringing them that sense of
positive well-being and seek help for
the things that are causing them
distress finally we have those who are
floundering in life and this is the
danger zone
these folks are experiencing both the
presence of mental illness symptoms and
the lack of the things that make life
worth living so what’s important for
these folks is to seek a mental health
assessment from a professional as soon
as possible so what is this I’ll tell us
if you feel empty or in pain or if
you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of
coping I want you to know that there is
hope that you can experience authentic
positive well-being in the face of that
adversity by tapping into that vertical
dimension and I promised you that I
would share with you one powerful way
that you can do just that
now while all these thinkers and
researchers certainly change the way
that I think about mental health the
thing that truly changed my heart came
from my work with a man that I’ll call
Alan you see when most people see Alan
they pretty much see his symptoms how
you would talk to himself and at times
get irritated seemingly for no reason
sometimes even scaring people and we had
been working together for about a year
without much progress and in one session
I decided I would ask Alan instead of
what are your symptoms what are your
problems what are the things that make
you light up Alan
what energizes you what makes you feel
like you’re making a difference Alan
said he always wanted to be a teacher so
I asked him okay teach me something
looked at me a bit perplexed for a
moment and then asked doc have you ever
heard of the deep-sea anglerfish
now I definitely have not so he launches
into this explanation
he says the anglerfish lives in the
Mariana Trench just off the coast of
Guam is the deepest body of water on the
planet it’s so deep that no light can
penetrate into its depths and in this
cold dark pressured environment the
angle fish not only survives but it
thrives and it does it by creating its
own light which it uses as kind of like
this fishing lure Wow
I said so it creates its own light in
the midst of all that darkness huh
Allen had been floundering for a long
time experiencing both the ravages of a
severe mental illness as well as the
almost complete absence of positive
emotions engagement relationships
meaning and any sense of accomplishment
but I could see the gears in his head
turning he looked down again thought for
a long time and then looked up at me and
screamed I am an anglerfish doc I’m an
anglerfish
I’ve been going through so much for so
long it feels like I’ve been living in
my own darkness I don’t trench but I
realize now that I can create my own
light teaching makes me feel like I’m
making a difference my light in the
darkness is teaching others the
revelations unfolded one after another
am i normally neutral therapeutic face
probably look more like a surprised
emoji at this point
for the first time Alan had a sense of
purpose making a difference in the lives
of others through teaching connected him
to something larger than himself
connected him to his strengths so over
the following months we focused on that
vertical dimension of positive
well-being and our primary goal became
to help him to find ways to enact that
purpose as much as humanly possible and
before during and afterwards we would
talk and talk about what it meant to him
and about him now he was able to take
these actions in his life and do so in
the face of adversity today
Alan’s symptoms are under control he
serves in an official role as a mentor
to those living with mental illnesses he
is flourishing and his example teaches
us that if he can do it we can all move
toward flourishing well-being no matter
how dark things get prescribing purpose
means empowering you to contribute your
time your effort your ideas or simply
your presence to something that is
personally meaningful to you the
transformative power of it lies in the
repetitive doing of those actions but
what really drives your positive
well-being forward is when you then
reflect on what those meaningful actions
say about you your strengths and your
inherent value whether you’re
languishing or floundering or struggling
in the face of life’s challenges
activating your sense of purpose can
unleash positive emotions such as love
and gratitude it helps us to gain
perspective and to feel deeply in the
moment to be present it can also turbo
boost the development of meaningful
relationships and it leaves us with the
knowledge that we made a difference that
we accomplished
something worthwhile that we are
worthwhile I’ve continued to prescribe
purpose in my walk in my life and in my
work and the truth is that like the
light of that angular fish in the
Mariana Trench it doesn’t necessarily
make all of that darkness go away but
living your purpose in the midst of your
pain is both possible and a powerful
route to positive well-being now there’s
one more thing I want to share about our
friend the angler fish it actually
doesn’t look like this
in fact it looks like this when we’re
feeling around lowest yeah it’s not
pretty
what are we feeling at our lowest when
we’re feeling ugly inside and out it’s
almost impossible to focus on anything
beyond those thoughts those feelings and
it’s hard for our loved ones and even
trained clinicians to look beyond those
things as well but those are the exact
moments when we must focus on what makes
us light up those are the exact moments
when our supporters must empower us to
remember discover and live our purpose
so here is what I need you to do if
you’ve been stuck in the horizontal
dimension of constant self repair don’t
wait another moment before you begin
moving up that vertical dimension toward
the flourishing life that you deserve I
believe that we’re more than the sum of
our problems
unlike the angler fish we can create a
world where there’s light even where
there is no light thank you you
as a clinical psychologist I consider it
the highest privilege to be able to join
with someone as they navigate some of
the most difficult moments that they’ve
ever faced medical and psychiatric
illnesses disappointments and life
changes that could throw any of us into
a tailspin the best thing about it is
that I’ve seen hundreds of people change
their lives for the better and it leaves
me in a perpetual state of awe and
wonder and gratitude as I reflect on the
complexity and possibility that resides
within each of us but of all the things
that I’ve seen and heard in my work
there’s one issue that keeps me up at
night
it’s when I meet all these amazing
people whose lives have been placed on
hold because they’ve been sold the idea
that they need to solve all of their
problems first before they can create
anything resembling a happy or
fulfilling life and it’s hard to see
life’s place on hold for this reason so
many of us myself included have the
tendency to focus with laser-like
precision on fixing our deficits our
weaknesses our pain we can spend a
lifetime focusing on the ways that we
failed ourselves and others and the ways
that others have failed us I’m gonna
share with you why this is so profoundly
problematic what the science says about
our ability to experience authentic
positive well-being in the face of
adversity and one powerful thing that
you can do to move beyond fixing beyond
surviving and toward flourishing you see
for the longest time well-being was
essentially defined as the lack of
distress the lack of impairment as
opposed to the presence of something but
it’s completely understandable why it
was thought about in this way because
one in five adults has been impacted by
the distress and disability caused by
mental illness in the past year alone
and the most recent study by the CDC
found that suicide rates in the US have
been trending upward over the past 20
years so it is vital that we continue to
understand how to prevent and reduce the
suffering caused by mental illness but
it has also become increasingly clear
that when we chronically focus on fixing
our deficits and our problems alone it
leads many of us into a downward spiral
of shame a self-loathing and
hopelessness as we neglect the best of
who we are this is where the
psychological science has fallen short
in our understanding of well-being and
this is the very reason that exactly 20
years ago clinical psychologist dr.
Martin Seligman founded the field of
positive psychology dr. Sullivan’s call
to action was that we devote the same
scientific rigor to understanding the
things that make life worth living as we
already do to all the things that can go
wrong with us he referred to it as the
science of human flourishing and what
enables it as the research poured in
over the years from hundreds of
scientists across the world dr. Simon
drew upon the best of it to develop what
he came to call well-being theory and in
it he identified five essential elements
that appeared to be crucial if we want
to move beyond fixing and toward
flourishing and these are positive
emotions which were thought of as a
signal of positive well
and Happiness but it turns out that you
can practice positive emotions to move
toward positive well-being engagement
I’m not talking about the ring on your
finger I’m talking about experiencing a
deep sense of presence being in the
moment positive relationships
cultivating them in your home at school
and at work loving and being loved
supporting and being supportive
experiencing a deep sense of meaning and
purpose in our lives connected to
something larger than ourselves whether
it’s spirituality or nature or your job
as a calling and having a sense of
accomplishment where you’re achieving
something not necessarily for some
external reward but because it’s
personally important to you and you can
remember these five ingredients to a
flourishing life by the acronym perma
now back in 2002 I had the amazing
opportunity to work with dr. Seligman at
the University of Pennsylvania every
neuron and my brain was on fire as I
learned about and then positive
psychology and I decided in that moment
that I would spend the rest of my career
helping people to get unstuck and to
move toward the life that they truly
envisioned for themselves
now with this concept of flourishing
taking hold a better representation of
well-being began to come into focus and
I truly believe that it could change how
you think about your own lives this is
called the complete state model of
mental health now remember in the old
model what we were doing is helping
people to move from high mental illness
symptoms tool or mental illness symptoms
so success meant that you’re now symptom
free or you can now call really
effectively with your problems which is
great but that was the end of the story
but another brilliant thinker by the
name of Professor Cory Keyes who
developed this model actually found
evidence for the following statement he
said the absence of mental illness
not translate into the presence of
mental health do you guys say that with
me the absence of mental illness does
not translate into the presence of
mental health thank you there’s five
elements that are so critical to
flourishing well-being they live on that
vertical dimension so fixing our
problems as important as that maybe
doesn’t get us anywhere near to
flourishing well-being let’s take a spin
around this image because I think it’ll
really help us to understand the
implications of what I’m talking about
but in research so far tells us that
only about 18 percent of us are actually
flourishing experiencing both positive
well-being as well as the lack of mental
illness symptoms and these folks
experience fewer physical health
problems meaning less cardiovascular
disease at work they’re more productive
and then missed fewer days of work than
folks who are not flourishing now the
Forgotten group is this 12% who also
don’t experience mental illness symptoms
but for some reason they’re still
languishing in life but are not
suffering but to varying degrees they
experience a sense of emotional
emptiness this connectedness or
loneliness and a feeling of cynicism
toward life so if you’re languishing
studies have found that you’re actually
six times more likely to go on to
experience the symptoms of a mental
illness than someone who’s flourishing
now this is important because that means
that when we actively move toward trying
to feel good to do good to be with
others that we care about to do things
that are personally meaningful to us
this is not just pleasant or nice it’s
actually protective against mental
illness now those who are struggling may
experience anxiety depression or other
difficulty difficulties in their lives
but they’ve also found a reason to live
and to embrace life I love this group
the struggling strivers and what really
works for them is when they double down
on those aspects of their lives that are
already bringing them that sense of
positive well-being and seek help for
the things that are causing them
distress finally we have those who are
floundering in life and this is the
danger zone
these folks are experiencing both the
presence of mental illness symptoms and
the lack of the things that make life
worth living so what’s important for
these folks is to seek a mental health
assessment from a professional as soon
as possible so what is this I’ll tell us
if you feel empty or in pain or if
you’re stuck in a never-ending cycle of
coping I want you to know that there is
hope that you can experience authentic
positive well-being in the face of that
adversity by tapping into that vertical
dimension and I promised you that I
would share with you one powerful way
that you can do just that
now while all these thinkers and
researchers certainly change the way
that I think about mental health the
thing that truly changed my heart came
from my work with a man that I’ll call
Alan you see when most people see Alan
they pretty much see his symptoms how
you would talk to himself and at times
get irritated seemingly for no reason
sometimes even scaring people and we had
been working together for about a year
without much progress and in one session
I decided I would ask Alan instead of
what are your symptoms what are your
problems what are the things that make
you light up Alan
what energizes you what makes you feel
like you’re making a difference Alan
said he always wanted to be a teacher so
I asked him okay teach me something
looked at me a bit perplexed for a
moment and then asked doc have you ever
heard of the deep-sea anglerfish
now I definitely have not so he launches
into this explanation
he says the anglerfish lives in the
Mariana Trench just off the coast of
Guam is the deepest body of water on the
planet it’s so deep that no light can
penetrate into its depths and in this
cold dark pressured environment the
angle fish not only survives but it
thrives and it does it by creating its
own light which it uses as kind of like
this fishing lure Wow
I said so it creates its own light in
the midst of all that darkness huh
Allen had been floundering for a long
time experiencing both the ravages of a
severe mental illness as well as the
almost complete absence of positive
emotions engagement relationships
meaning and any sense of accomplishment
but I could see the gears in his head
turning he looked down again thought for
a long time and then looked up at me and
screamed I am an anglerfish doc I’m an
anglerfish
I’ve been going through so much for so
long it feels like I’ve been living in
my own darkness I don’t trench but I
realize now that I can create my own
light teaching makes me feel like I’m
making a difference my light in the
darkness is teaching others the
revelations unfolded one after another
am i normally neutral therapeutic face
probably look more like a surprised
emoji at this point
for the first time Alan had a sense of
purpose making a difference in the lives
of others through teaching connected him
to something larger than himself
connected him to his strengths so over
the following months we focused on that
vertical dimension of positive
well-being and our primary goal became
to help him to find ways to enact that
purpose as much as humanly possible and
before during and afterwards we would
talk and talk about what it meant to him
and about him now he was able to take
these actions in his life and do so in
the face of adversity today
Alan’s symptoms are under control he
serves in an official role as a mentor
to those living with mental illnesses he
is flourishing and his example teaches
us that if he can do it we can all move
toward flourishing well-being no matter
how dark things get prescribing purpose
means empowering you to contribute your
time your effort your ideas or simply
your presence to something that is
personally meaningful to you the
transformative power of it lies in the
repetitive doing of those actions but
what really drives your positive
well-being forward is when you then
reflect on what those meaningful actions
say about you your strengths and your
inherent value whether you’re
languishing or floundering or struggling
in the face of life’s challenges
activating your sense of purpose can
unleash positive emotions such as love
and gratitude it helps us to gain
perspective and to feel deeply in the
moment to be present it can also turbo
boost the development of meaningful
relationships and it leaves us with the
knowledge that we made a difference that
we accomplished
something worthwhile that we are
worthwhile I’ve continued to prescribe
purpose in my walk in my life and in my
work and the truth is that like the
light of that angular fish in the
Mariana Trench it doesn’t necessarily
make all of that darkness go away but
living your purpose in the midst of your
pain is both possible and a powerful
route to positive well-being now there’s
one more thing I want to share about our
friend the angler fish it actually
doesn’t look like this
in fact it looks like this when we’re
feeling around lowest yeah it’s not
pretty
what are we feeling at our lowest when
we’re feeling ugly inside and out it’s
almost impossible to focus on anything
beyond those thoughts those feelings and
it’s hard for our loved ones and even
trained clinicians to look beyond those
things as well but those are the exact
moments when we must focus on what makes
us light up those are the exact moments
when our supporters must empower us to
remember discover and live our purpose
so here is what I need you to do if
you’ve been stuck in the horizontal
dimension of constant self repair don’t
wait another moment before you begin
moving up that vertical dimension toward
the flourishing life that you deserve I
believe that we’re more than the sum of
our problems
unlike the angler fish we can create a
world where there’s light even where
there is no light thank you you
Please follow and like us: