so what do Sheryl Sandberg Howard
Schultz Natalie Portman Melinda Gates
and I have in common since you don’t
know us all I’ll help you out here we
didn’t grow up in the same hometown we
didn’t attend the same university
although obviously my alma mater is the
best boomer sooner our morning coffee
order is not identical we don’t have the
same favorite song and we don’t have the
same favorite travel destination what we
do share though is a struggle with
impostor syndrome and we’re not alone
according to the International Journal
of behavioral science almost 70% of
adults admit to the crisis of confidence
that defines impostor syndrome they
attribute their successes and
achievements to luck happenstance charm
other people basically anyone or
anything other than their own talents
and abilities in my own life imposter
syndrome manifests from feelings of
needing to be a hundred percent perfect
a hundred percent of the time and when
I’m not I flat out deem myself a failure
and I shut down well I can’t say where
Cheryl Howard Nathalie and Melinda
struggle are in their own lives in mine
I’ve identified three areas where
impostor syndrome permeates with greater
frequency in order to combat it I’ve
taken back ownership of those three
areas I own what I look like I own what
I do and I own what I want
the first area I’ve pledged ownership of
is what I look like the first time I
remember feeling like a fraud physically
I was 14 years old
standing in front of Florida feeling
mirrors and a leotard in pink tights
my body was beginning to change and no
longer looks like a young slender girl
this was problematic for me because as a
young ballerina the dancers I looked up
to were elegant and graceful and that
flowed out of tiniest Lindner petite
bodies that I no longer looks like so I
coped not by finding acceptance in
myself but rather striving tirelessly to
achieve a standard I understood to be
perfection when I was 17 the magazine’s
I thumbed through regularly were full of
images of hyper bronze Oompa Loompa
esque models and actresses it was
apparent then as it is today but I am
NOT meant to be a bronze god
I am freckly with gendered tendencies
and porcelain skin but yet again I was
uncomfortable in my own skin and I hit
the tanning bed by nineteen I was
struggling with anorexia and had Stage
one malignant melanoma even if women
aren’t perfectionist like I am it’s not
uncommon for them to engage in behavior
similar to my own women particularly
grow up in a world that tells them that
their worth is directly correlated to
their appearance parents even if they
don’t strictly endorse the stereotype
evidence does suggest that it impacts
their hopes for their children a 2014
study showed that American parents
googled is my son a genius twice as
often as they googled is my daughter a
genius likewise searches regarding
appearance were far more frequent for
girl’s parents googled is my daughter
overweight 70% more often than is my son
overweight so actress Melissa McCartney
here we go said about her own weight not
all that long ago I’ll be up I’ll be
down probably for the rest of my life
the thing is if that’s the most
interesting thing about me I need to go
have a lavender farm in Minnesota and
give this up because there has to be
something more and she’s so right we are
not defined by our appearance and it is
absolutely not the most interesting
thing about us as human beings and in
fact fixating on it robs us of the
things that actually do make us
attractive joy confidence individuality
so even though at times society and my
own brain may try to tell me that I
should strive for certain standards I
refuse to let that happen because I have
taken back ownership of my appearance
for myself the second area of my life
I’ve pledged ownership of the combat
imposter syndrome is what I do currently
I’m the chief operating officer of a
family foundation that supports
entrepreneurship innovation and
community engagement and tolstoy I’m
fairly new to the world of philanthropy
only having been in my role about two
and a half years my time before I send
in the energy industry which equipped me
with the leadership skills financial
acumen and project management background
necessary to be successful my role
however when I stepped too into it I was
instantly fraught with feelings of
insecurity I figured in no time flat my
boss would realize she had made a huge
mistake and that I was not qualified at
all instead of focusing and reminding
myself on those skill sets and talents I
gained over time I focused on
deficiencies that I perceived in
knowledge and a network it’s really hard
for women particularly to own their
abilities and accomplishments for a
couple of reasons in the workplace women
face harsher criticisms in their male
counterparts when self promoting
interestingly enough women rather than
men ad deem other women who advocate for
themselves is highly unlikable
compounding this perception problem
I miss feedback that a lot of women
receive when they’re little that good
girls should never do anything boastful
or braggy or bossy
so then women grow up feeling very
uncomfortable owning these
accomplishments for themselves so the
third area of my life that I have
pledged ownership of to combat imposter
syndrome is what I want so despite
having desired to go to graduate school
from the time that I finished my
bachelor’s degree I started putting the
needs of my family my friends my
employer my hypothetical potential maybe
future children basically anyone in my
life that I assigned value to I was
putting ahead of my own aspirations I
was so afraid that taking on this one
more thing would just make me
ineffective at everything else in my
life I assigned so much value to so I I
didn’t pursue it I let my potential fear
of failure rule my life and I also
thought to myself despite the fact I was
a really good student in high school and
undergrad graduate school would likely
be different inevitably I would walk in
day one and people would realize this
girl is not that smart she should not be
in this room she needs to get the heck
out so again I fixated on that and not
what I really wanted about 18 months ago
the height of my imposter syndrome it
was at its max the weight was the
heaviest and I was really feeling not so
great about myself at the same time a
peer of mine was embarking upon a new
adventure she was moving to the East
Coast pursuing a graduate degree that
she was incredibly passionate about and
I was jealous we had the same fears but
we were operating and completely
different circumstances she was letting
what she was most motivated by be her
North Star and I was letting my crisis
of confidence be my guiding light what
my friend taught me was that by going
after what were most motive
by in life and owning that or being
proactive to fend off impostor syndrome
and so today I’m halfway through my
graduate degree mostly if Meg you could
maybe tell me I’m maybe not maybe not
and you know what guess what guys I’m
not a higher education fraud
hooray you know maybe I would like a
little bit more sleep and to read for
fun more often than I do but I’ve gone
after what I want and I have never
regretted it a single time so as I stand
here today and I pledge to myself that I
own what I look like I own what I do and
I own what I want I am frightfully with
gender tendencies and that’s perfect
because that’s my standard of beauty for
myself I’m a CEO of an organization and
I’m good at my job I work hard and my
talents and abilities have earned me
that role it wasn’t luck I know what I
want in life and I go after it after I
finished graduate school I want to start
a social enterprise that empowers
women’s economic independence so how
will you own these three areas in your
life you may be sitting in this room
right now and say I don’t identify with
impostor syndrome I’m confident I know
what I’m doing but I would encourage you
to think about it and let it resonate
and really explore what that means for
you so you can be proactive to fend it
off from permeating your psyche you’ll
never be a fraud if you empower yourself
to own your own life thank you
[Applause]
Schultz Natalie Portman Melinda Gates
and I have in common since you don’t
know us all I’ll help you out here we
didn’t grow up in the same hometown we
didn’t attend the same university
although obviously my alma mater is the
best boomer sooner our morning coffee
order is not identical we don’t have the
same favorite song and we don’t have the
same favorite travel destination what we
do share though is a struggle with
impostor syndrome and we’re not alone
according to the International Journal
of behavioral science almost 70% of
adults admit to the crisis of confidence
that defines impostor syndrome they
attribute their successes and
achievements to luck happenstance charm
other people basically anyone or
anything other than their own talents
and abilities in my own life imposter
syndrome manifests from feelings of
needing to be a hundred percent perfect
a hundred percent of the time and when
I’m not I flat out deem myself a failure
and I shut down well I can’t say where
Cheryl Howard Nathalie and Melinda
struggle are in their own lives in mine
I’ve identified three areas where
impostor syndrome permeates with greater
frequency in order to combat it I’ve
taken back ownership of those three
areas I own what I look like I own what
I do and I own what I want
the first area I’ve pledged ownership of
is what I look like the first time I
remember feeling like a fraud physically
I was 14 years old
standing in front of Florida feeling
mirrors and a leotard in pink tights
my body was beginning to change and no
longer looks like a young slender girl
this was problematic for me because as a
young ballerina the dancers I looked up
to were elegant and graceful and that
flowed out of tiniest Lindner petite
bodies that I no longer looks like so I
coped not by finding acceptance in
myself but rather striving tirelessly to
achieve a standard I understood to be
perfection when I was 17 the magazine’s
I thumbed through regularly were full of
images of hyper bronze Oompa Loompa
esque models and actresses it was
apparent then as it is today but I am
NOT meant to be a bronze god
I am freckly with gendered tendencies
and porcelain skin but yet again I was
uncomfortable in my own skin and I hit
the tanning bed by nineteen I was
struggling with anorexia and had Stage
one malignant melanoma even if women
aren’t perfectionist like I am it’s not
uncommon for them to engage in behavior
similar to my own women particularly
grow up in a world that tells them that
their worth is directly correlated to
their appearance parents even if they
don’t strictly endorse the stereotype
evidence does suggest that it impacts
their hopes for their children a 2014
study showed that American parents
googled is my son a genius twice as
often as they googled is my daughter a
genius likewise searches regarding
appearance were far more frequent for
girl’s parents googled is my daughter
overweight 70% more often than is my son
overweight so actress Melissa McCartney
here we go said about her own weight not
all that long ago I’ll be up I’ll be
down probably for the rest of my life
the thing is if that’s the most
interesting thing about me I need to go
have a lavender farm in Minnesota and
give this up because there has to be
something more and she’s so right we are
not defined by our appearance and it is
absolutely not the most interesting
thing about us as human beings and in
fact fixating on it robs us of the
things that actually do make us
attractive joy confidence individuality
so even though at times society and my
own brain may try to tell me that I
should strive for certain standards I
refuse to let that happen because I have
taken back ownership of my appearance
for myself the second area of my life
I’ve pledged ownership of the combat
imposter syndrome is what I do currently
I’m the chief operating officer of a
family foundation that supports
entrepreneurship innovation and
community engagement and tolstoy I’m
fairly new to the world of philanthropy
only having been in my role about two
and a half years my time before I send
in the energy industry which equipped me
with the leadership skills financial
acumen and project management background
necessary to be successful my role
however when I stepped too into it I was
instantly fraught with feelings of
insecurity I figured in no time flat my
boss would realize she had made a huge
mistake and that I was not qualified at
all instead of focusing and reminding
myself on those skill sets and talents I
gained over time I focused on
deficiencies that I perceived in
knowledge and a network it’s really hard
for women particularly to own their
abilities and accomplishments for a
couple of reasons in the workplace women
face harsher criticisms in their male
counterparts when self promoting
interestingly enough women rather than
men ad deem other women who advocate for
themselves is highly unlikable
compounding this perception problem
I miss feedback that a lot of women
receive when they’re little that good
girls should never do anything boastful
or braggy or bossy
so then women grow up feeling very
uncomfortable owning these
accomplishments for themselves so the
third area of my life that I have
pledged ownership of to combat imposter
syndrome is what I want so despite
having desired to go to graduate school
from the time that I finished my
bachelor’s degree I started putting the
needs of my family my friends my
employer my hypothetical potential maybe
future children basically anyone in my
life that I assigned value to I was
putting ahead of my own aspirations I
was so afraid that taking on this one
more thing would just make me
ineffective at everything else in my
life I assigned so much value to so I I
didn’t pursue it I let my potential fear
of failure rule my life and I also
thought to myself despite the fact I was
a really good student in high school and
undergrad graduate school would likely
be different inevitably I would walk in
day one and people would realize this
girl is not that smart she should not be
in this room she needs to get the heck
out so again I fixated on that and not
what I really wanted about 18 months ago
the height of my imposter syndrome it
was at its max the weight was the
heaviest and I was really feeling not so
great about myself at the same time a
peer of mine was embarking upon a new
adventure she was moving to the East
Coast pursuing a graduate degree that
she was incredibly passionate about and
I was jealous we had the same fears but
we were operating and completely
different circumstances she was letting
what she was most motivated by be her
North Star and I was letting my crisis
of confidence be my guiding light what
my friend taught me was that by going
after what were most motive
by in life and owning that or being
proactive to fend off impostor syndrome
and so today I’m halfway through my
graduate degree mostly if Meg you could
maybe tell me I’m maybe not maybe not
and you know what guess what guys I’m
not a higher education fraud
hooray you know maybe I would like a
little bit more sleep and to read for
fun more often than I do but I’ve gone
after what I want and I have never
regretted it a single time so as I stand
here today and I pledge to myself that I
own what I look like I own what I do and
I own what I want I am frightfully with
gender tendencies and that’s perfect
because that’s my standard of beauty for
myself I’m a CEO of an organization and
I’m good at my job I work hard and my
talents and abilities have earned me
that role it wasn’t luck I know what I
want in life and I go after it after I
finished graduate school I want to start
a social enterprise that empowers
women’s economic independence so how
will you own these three areas in your
life you may be sitting in this room
right now and say I don’t identify with
impostor syndrome I’m confident I know
what I’m doing but I would encourage you
to think about it and let it resonate
and really explore what that means for
you so you can be proactive to fend it
off from permeating your psyche you’ll
never be a fraud if you empower yourself
to own your own life thank you
[Applause]
Please follow and like us: