sarmiko Assam nickel being a single
twenty-something in Pakistan is a lot
like being in the hospital
everyone keeps asking you when you’re
gonna get out or else when you’re going
to get married because weddings are a
lot like immigration they both involve a
lot of forms and suitcases and sitting
very still with very little legroom for
a long stretch of time matrimony is a
foreign land after all at least as good
as an obscure European country Yanam you
stray or mere thought of thought my
Sunil yoga bother checking cave and I
could Licata there are things that are
not included in my introduction belly
bath
I am not married number two thank you
number two condolences to you too sir
number two I love Harry Potter are
absolutely on geikie in those oh let me
get this straight you don’t like the
fact that I’m on mind but you like the
fact that I like Harry Potter just to be
clear yeah great you might be wondering
yen do know cheese oka Cathal okay in
Key Beach me would you be looked at a
Keith Keith I look nagesh I’d like an
egg then American I’m an Irish the DAAD
million but I began just out there all
wrong Mary Hartnett hi Padre Kiki top t
musk Assad shortened water good
souvenirs with a reporter K or a canteen
a he’s in the coffee confuse Okinawa
jabo la beta ethniki simcha karna
aqua – adios Anya I’m shy the couch
sahaja yoga
try Lucretia Dominic a bitch me or Harry
Potter pending leave each me aunty was
asking me why do you have
pastimes why do you have preferences
personal interests why do you have book
collections bookmark elections poster
collections why are you indulging
yourself as an individual you are not an
individual you are a half of a whole
when when you get married you will leave
all these things behind to take on the
responsibilities of a married woman now
auntie loves me she wants what is best
for me and I don’t wish for us to sit
here today and judge her harshly I don’t
wish for us to think of her as
narrow-minded or old-fashioned I don’t
wish for us to be hypocrites because the
truth is when we see a young woman in
Pakistan we think one thing you shot
each other and if if an answer isn’t
negative we think is key shaadi Karogi
and after enough time passes we ask is
key shaadi Kuna Huy right um so not only
do we assume that marriage is and must
be part of every woman’s future we also
have this very specific ideas of what
marriage looks like right my sister is
married but people assume that she is
not often presumably cuz she doesn’t
only wear launch auras and gold jewelry
my mother is no longer married and
people assume that she is presumably
because we don’t like to acknowledge
that marriages can end we die women’s we
do not allow women to be adult members
of society until they engaged in
matrimony when we say things like meta
malkov old cassette lekha dong garlic
instead of jasmine
beat-up Johar’s YouTube page Ana’s Rouge
our leaking shoddy cable husband cassava
when we say these things when we deny
women mobility when we rely them social
position when we deny them financial
stability until they engage in matrimony
I ask you how much of that decision to
get married really remains a woman’s so
I’m 24
I am a woman I am Pakistani and I’m
unmarried and that is my identity in a
way that is not necessarily a man’s
identity there are assumptions that are
made about me that are not necessarily
made about a Pakistani man you see when
we see a young unmarried woman we assume
that her time is less valuable museum
that her responsibilities are
non-existent
when we assume that her life however
thriving
however exciting has somehow not yet
really begun this is a poem I wrote
called assumptions if you are a woman
with depression you can simply wait
until the time comes to give up
possession of yourself if a man loves
you you can say thanks if a man loves
you and does it reasonably well without
bruises a good height and a certain
single-mindedness you can assume there
is something wrong with you when you do
not love him single-mindedly back if you
are afraid to exist alone you can assume
that’s more or less the same as wanting
to be with someone if you are with
someone you can assume that everyone
will be happy and your mutt and everyone
will hand you money in pastel envelopes
and your mother will smile more if your
heart is not behaving as it ought you
can assume it’s probably that first
loves fault that brand new is the best
way for a girl to be if you’re a woman
whose arms and breasts come easy to
babies you can assume that your heart
and your womb are empty waiting rooms if
you are a woman you can assume things
about your being answers to questions
that would otherwise take a lifetime to
figure out thank you
I don’t wish to suggest that I’m against
women who choose to get married I don’t
wish ever to suggest that a woman who
was married at 24 is less complex are
less interesting than one who is not
there is nothing that I dislike more
than simplistic ideas of what is weak
and what is strong particularly in women
many women who I love and respect have
made that decision while I might have my
issues with the institution of marriage
because it is an institution that
swallows 14 million underage girls every
year
individually I believe marriage can be
an act of courage and like I said many
women who I love and respect wish to be
or are married I do not wish to have
judgments regarding women’s life
decisions what I wish is for us to stop
taking women’s personal decisions and
pitting them against each other to
decide which is a better woman as I said
so many women I respect belong to this
institution and this is a poem I wrote
about the conversations that may arise
between someone who belongs to that
institution and someone who had that at
this point in time does not because you
see I feel no matter what a young woman
achieves what she writes where she’s
published where she’s invited to speak
whatever invent she is part of all her
friends her family even herself are
waiting on some level for that one event
where she will be dressed in red and
gold my friend begins every conversation
on the premise that a boy if not this
boy if not the last boy but someone will
be the one my friend asked these
questions over and over again always is
he committed to you never are you
committed to him always
is he husband material never are you
wife material always does he make good
money
never don’t you earn more than him
always so is he a keeper never do you
want to be kept always so you’ve been
settled down with him right right right
my friend isn’t afraid I’ll end up alone
she’s afraid I won’t end at all that
I’ll go on and on beginning into new
chapters of myself my friend isn’t
afraid she’ll end up alone but what does
she do with her medal of matrimony when
she sees that some women have not shown
to this award ceremony what does she do
with all that heavy gold all that weight
around her neck maybe she’ll have to
admit that the ribbon is a gaudy shade
of red maybe she’ll have to ask herself
if this prize was only worth something
to her when everyone was competing and
if some woman can drop out of the race
maybe she’ll have to wonder if there are
other ways to spend a spring afternoon
maybe she’ll have to question of red and
gold really go with her complexion maybe
she’ll finally have to go out searching
for something else to adorn her neckline
a chain of daisies she watered into
bloom herself a velvet choker blush and
black or string of zircon droplets in
every color except red
the options that we present a young
women are something that I’ve been
thinking about a lot recently because
apart from being a full-time unmarried
woman some women are my part-time guys
are full-time okay please I am also a
full-time teacher at a girls school and
so um another very good teacher I’m five
feet tall so I’m mistaken for a student
most days and attempted to be kicked out
of the pisses off room but that’s fine
my job my job involves do of the things
my job moves two things it involves
literature poetry and metaphor and
language and it involves beautiful
bright young girls and those are my two
favorite things in the entire world
believe me when I say I would not be
standing here today without the power of
literature and the power of other women
and I would not have survived a lifetime
of abuse without the agency that words
afforded me and without the Solidarity
in the safe places that other girls
provided for me so when I look at these
incredible young girls I think about the
options we are offering them and I know
that despite being some of the most
privileged in the country some of them
will not complete their secondary
education many of them will not go on to
have a higher education because they
will instead become participants and I
know that in many cases that will not be
their choice so what I try to do what I
wish to do with these girls is to give
them language that helps them express
themselves language that empowers them
but I don’t feel that I always succeed
because I belong to an institution we
all belong to an institution just like
their institutions that kerbs women’s
freedoms their institution that curbs
linguistic freedoms and as someone who
is part of that institution I ask us all
to reflect on an institution today so we
can move beyond it this is a poem I
wrote called on teaching English in the
post-colonial State
years and years spent on learning it I
take prescriptive linguistics off the
shelf in exchange for a paycheck I put
it on along with a floral three-piece
suit and I go to work
teaching young girls to speak English
correctly the girls are my height
the girls are monochrome in navy and
white but their school bags are colorful
in sequined and bright their school bags
are all they have to differentiate
themselves by the girls ask me how I
know so many big words the girls ask me
miss do you know all the poems in the
world the girls ask me Miss is it
pronounced Macbeth or Macbeth the girls
are tested on comprehensions about
cousin Helen the girls are made to read
a play by 400 year old Scottish warrior
written by dead white man the girls the
girls asked me miss what is Lady
Macbeth’s first name the girls asked me
why the past tense of bring isn’t brang
and I say it just isn’t the girls asked
me why lasagna is fellows agna and I say
it just is the girls asked me if they
are allowed to speak in Urdu but most of
all the girls asked me Miss is this
correct is this correct
am i speaking correctly and I do not
tell them girls language is not right or
wrong it is simply spoken
you see I don’t just teach a subject I
don’t just teach a language I teach the
skill that determines success in the
post-colonial state I teach the marker
of sophisticated intelligence
I teach what we have made into a
prerequisite for respect I teach British
I enter the classroom and the stakes are
higher being bad at maths just makes you
relatable but being bad at English means
you will probably be bad at life so the
girls asked me miss is it pronounced
poem or poem and I do not say girls it
is pronounced however you choose to say
it thank you so much
[Applause]
twenty-something in Pakistan is a lot
like being in the hospital
everyone keeps asking you when you’re
gonna get out or else when you’re going
to get married because weddings are a
lot like immigration they both involve a
lot of forms and suitcases and sitting
very still with very little legroom for
a long stretch of time matrimony is a
foreign land after all at least as good
as an obscure European country Yanam you
stray or mere thought of thought my
Sunil yoga bother checking cave and I
could Licata there are things that are
not included in my introduction belly
bath
I am not married number two thank you
number two condolences to you too sir
number two I love Harry Potter are
absolutely on geikie in those oh let me
get this straight you don’t like the
fact that I’m on mind but you like the
fact that I like Harry Potter just to be
clear yeah great you might be wondering
yen do know cheese oka Cathal okay in
Key Beach me would you be looked at a
Keith Keith I look nagesh I’d like an
egg then American I’m an Irish the DAAD
million but I began just out there all
wrong Mary Hartnett hi Padre Kiki top t
musk Assad shortened water good
souvenirs with a reporter K or a canteen
a he’s in the coffee confuse Okinawa
jabo la beta ethniki simcha karna
aqua – adios Anya I’m shy the couch
sahaja yoga
try Lucretia Dominic a bitch me or Harry
Potter pending leave each me aunty was
asking me why do you have
pastimes why do you have preferences
personal interests why do you have book
collections bookmark elections poster
collections why are you indulging
yourself as an individual you are not an
individual you are a half of a whole
when when you get married you will leave
all these things behind to take on the
responsibilities of a married woman now
auntie loves me she wants what is best
for me and I don’t wish for us to sit
here today and judge her harshly I don’t
wish for us to think of her as
narrow-minded or old-fashioned I don’t
wish for us to be hypocrites because the
truth is when we see a young woman in
Pakistan we think one thing you shot
each other and if if an answer isn’t
negative we think is key shaadi Karogi
and after enough time passes we ask is
key shaadi Kuna Huy right um so not only
do we assume that marriage is and must
be part of every woman’s future we also
have this very specific ideas of what
marriage looks like right my sister is
married but people assume that she is
not often presumably cuz she doesn’t
only wear launch auras and gold jewelry
my mother is no longer married and
people assume that she is presumably
because we don’t like to acknowledge
that marriages can end we die women’s we
do not allow women to be adult members
of society until they engaged in
matrimony when we say things like meta
malkov old cassette lekha dong garlic
instead of jasmine
beat-up Johar’s YouTube page Ana’s Rouge
our leaking shoddy cable husband cassava
when we say these things when we deny
women mobility when we rely them social
position when we deny them financial
stability until they engage in matrimony
I ask you how much of that decision to
get married really remains a woman’s so
I’m 24
I am a woman I am Pakistani and I’m
unmarried and that is my identity in a
way that is not necessarily a man’s
identity there are assumptions that are
made about me that are not necessarily
made about a Pakistani man you see when
we see a young unmarried woman we assume
that her time is less valuable museum
that her responsibilities are
non-existent
when we assume that her life however
thriving
however exciting has somehow not yet
really begun this is a poem I wrote
called assumptions if you are a woman
with depression you can simply wait
until the time comes to give up
possession of yourself if a man loves
you you can say thanks if a man loves
you and does it reasonably well without
bruises a good height and a certain
single-mindedness you can assume there
is something wrong with you when you do
not love him single-mindedly back if you
are afraid to exist alone you can assume
that’s more or less the same as wanting
to be with someone if you are with
someone you can assume that everyone
will be happy and your mutt and everyone
will hand you money in pastel envelopes
and your mother will smile more if your
heart is not behaving as it ought you
can assume it’s probably that first
loves fault that brand new is the best
way for a girl to be if you’re a woman
whose arms and breasts come easy to
babies you can assume that your heart
and your womb are empty waiting rooms if
you are a woman you can assume things
about your being answers to questions
that would otherwise take a lifetime to
figure out thank you
I don’t wish to suggest that I’m against
women who choose to get married I don’t
wish ever to suggest that a woman who
was married at 24 is less complex are
less interesting than one who is not
there is nothing that I dislike more
than simplistic ideas of what is weak
and what is strong particularly in women
many women who I love and respect have
made that decision while I might have my
issues with the institution of marriage
because it is an institution that
swallows 14 million underage girls every
year
individually I believe marriage can be
an act of courage and like I said many
women who I love and respect wish to be
or are married I do not wish to have
judgments regarding women’s life
decisions what I wish is for us to stop
taking women’s personal decisions and
pitting them against each other to
decide which is a better woman as I said
so many women I respect belong to this
institution and this is a poem I wrote
about the conversations that may arise
between someone who belongs to that
institution and someone who had that at
this point in time does not because you
see I feel no matter what a young woman
achieves what she writes where she’s
published where she’s invited to speak
whatever invent she is part of all her
friends her family even herself are
waiting on some level for that one event
where she will be dressed in red and
gold my friend begins every conversation
on the premise that a boy if not this
boy if not the last boy but someone will
be the one my friend asked these
questions over and over again always is
he committed to you never are you
committed to him always
is he husband material never are you
wife material always does he make good
money
never don’t you earn more than him
always so is he a keeper never do you
want to be kept always so you’ve been
settled down with him right right right
my friend isn’t afraid I’ll end up alone
she’s afraid I won’t end at all that
I’ll go on and on beginning into new
chapters of myself my friend isn’t
afraid she’ll end up alone but what does
she do with her medal of matrimony when
she sees that some women have not shown
to this award ceremony what does she do
with all that heavy gold all that weight
around her neck maybe she’ll have to
admit that the ribbon is a gaudy shade
of red maybe she’ll have to ask herself
if this prize was only worth something
to her when everyone was competing and
if some woman can drop out of the race
maybe she’ll have to wonder if there are
other ways to spend a spring afternoon
maybe she’ll have to question of red and
gold really go with her complexion maybe
she’ll finally have to go out searching
for something else to adorn her neckline
a chain of daisies she watered into
bloom herself a velvet choker blush and
black or string of zircon droplets in
every color except red
the options that we present a young
women are something that I’ve been
thinking about a lot recently because
apart from being a full-time unmarried
woman some women are my part-time guys
are full-time okay please I am also a
full-time teacher at a girls school and
so um another very good teacher I’m five
feet tall so I’m mistaken for a student
most days and attempted to be kicked out
of the pisses off room but that’s fine
my job my job involves do of the things
my job moves two things it involves
literature poetry and metaphor and
language and it involves beautiful
bright young girls and those are my two
favorite things in the entire world
believe me when I say I would not be
standing here today without the power of
literature and the power of other women
and I would not have survived a lifetime
of abuse without the agency that words
afforded me and without the Solidarity
in the safe places that other girls
provided for me so when I look at these
incredible young girls I think about the
options we are offering them and I know
that despite being some of the most
privileged in the country some of them
will not complete their secondary
education many of them will not go on to
have a higher education because they
will instead become participants and I
know that in many cases that will not be
their choice so what I try to do what I
wish to do with these girls is to give
them language that helps them express
themselves language that empowers them
but I don’t feel that I always succeed
because I belong to an institution we
all belong to an institution just like
their institutions that kerbs women’s
freedoms their institution that curbs
linguistic freedoms and as someone who
is part of that institution I ask us all
to reflect on an institution today so we
can move beyond it this is a poem I
wrote called on teaching English in the
post-colonial State
years and years spent on learning it I
take prescriptive linguistics off the
shelf in exchange for a paycheck I put
it on along with a floral three-piece
suit and I go to work
teaching young girls to speak English
correctly the girls are my height
the girls are monochrome in navy and
white but their school bags are colorful
in sequined and bright their school bags
are all they have to differentiate
themselves by the girls ask me how I
know so many big words the girls ask me
miss do you know all the poems in the
world the girls ask me Miss is it
pronounced Macbeth or Macbeth the girls
are tested on comprehensions about
cousin Helen the girls are made to read
a play by 400 year old Scottish warrior
written by dead white man the girls the
girls asked me miss what is Lady
Macbeth’s first name the girls asked me
why the past tense of bring isn’t brang
and I say it just isn’t the girls asked
me why lasagna is fellows agna and I say
it just is the girls asked me if they
are allowed to speak in Urdu but most of
all the girls asked me Miss is this
correct is this correct
am i speaking correctly and I do not
tell them girls language is not right or
wrong it is simply spoken
you see I don’t just teach a subject I
don’t just teach a language I teach the
skill that determines success in the
post-colonial state I teach the marker
of sophisticated intelligence
I teach what we have made into a
prerequisite for respect I teach British
I enter the classroom and the stakes are
higher being bad at maths just makes you
relatable but being bad at English means
you will probably be bad at life so the
girls asked me miss is it pronounced
poem or poem and I do not say girls it
is pronounced however you choose to say
it thank you so much
[Applause]
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