thank you am I getting a thumbs up
somewhere okay good thank you
you know when I got this mail and I
checked out what is it and I wanted to
know what what do you want me to talk
about and they said it’s it’s open
whatever I thought oh wow you know they
always want to hear the whole life story
and uh you know I want to talk about
global warming I mean see I want to talk
about Trump’s idiocy and I want to talk
about animals and what they mean I mean
it was just so much but I had to come
down a little bit uh I want to talk
about a journey you know we all have our
own journeys and mine began when I was
between 10 and 11 my mom married an
American and we moved to the United
States
that wasn’t my wish that wasn’t my
choice and and I was 13 I was tired of
my stepfather and I left home I ran away
when I was 14 I was a total heroin
addict when I was 16 I gave birth to my
son at home because I was so afraid that
if I went into a hospital and they saw
the marks on my arms that they were
going to take the baby away from me even
though I had cleaned up when I was 26 I
got involved with a guy and a dealer and
the whole story of that ended with a
robbery gone very very bad a murder
leaving that sight and subsequently a
police officer getting shot so not one
but two murders within the space of 24
hours that was my journey and the end of
my life as I knew it and I really
thought the end of my life because at
that point I was very dedicated to
taking my own life number one because of
what I had seen to watch a person die
in front of your eyes and knowing that
you had a part in that no I didn’t hold
the gun but my lifestyle my choices put
both of those people where they were
that is definitely a life altering event
and I couldn’t handle it and I also knew
that my life was over and I was waiting
the death penalty I spent two and a half
years awaiting my sentencing but those
two and a half years I spent actually on
death row in California because it was
taken for granted that I was going to
end up there anyway so two and a half
years of isolation and I’m talking now
about a cell with no mattress no bedding
no radio no TV no books no paper nothing
me the walls my own head what do you do
you go a little crazy you learn a lot
about yourself so I had a lot of time to
think eventually I worked my way up to
one piece of paper and a half of a
pencil was broken off and I started to
write I had a black widow who lived in
the corner of my window was a window
with bars and I had about this much
space between each bar and she lived
right in the corner there was no screen
and I called her Charlotte of course
what else Charlotte’s Web I know I’m old
and me and Charlotte had conversations
eventually my neighbor and I discovered
that if we reached way out we could
touch fingers and we could with that
method
pass little notes because we were not
allowed to talk to each other and
through the doors or through the bars on
the front side so we would pass notes
but there was Charlotte in the corner
exactly where my hand was gonna go where
my arm was gonna go so I talked to
Charlotte I said look we got to do this
don’t bite okay Charlotte said okay give
me a fly so I gave her a fly and then I
watched her eat up that fly that was
fascinating two and a half years I
didn’t I started to write that’s where I
was going with this and in the beginning
it was just like one meaning the grass
smelled good this morning when they cut
it I wonder if it would still smell that
way in the morning
question mark and every day I wrote a
meaning and that meaning had a question
mark so as long as I could find
something to put a question mark with it
was okay that was not the day for me to
end it all and believe me you can get
very creative when you decide to end it
all you don’t need a whole lot of
equipment so two and a half years past
eventually the highest court in the land
decided that if you hadn’t actually
personally killed anyone then you
couldn’t get the death penalty so I was
out from under along comes a plea
bargain and a deal my sentence was going
to be 25 to life if you’re good you can
get paroled in 12 and a half years said
my attorney okay so I signed the paper
and my time started the bigger prison
now this was a place built for 950 women
but eventually it would be almost three
thousand can you put up the first back
that was my world
for 28 years
so I started my time I learned something
very early on I thought I knew the
streets
I mean I’d been a junkie I’d been out in
San Francisco streets I mean I was like
I was down as cool I knew I knew the
game I didn’t know I got there and
I had to learn all over again a good
friend said to me see everything here
everything say nothing that’s what I
followed all those years in 1985 my son
was killed in a car accident my drunk
driver
his father died the same day of a heart
attack when he found out that our son
was dead at that point I picked up the
only thing I knew could ease it a little
bit heroin there’s a lot of it there’s a
lot of it in prisons and until 1989 I
used heroin in prison yes it’s possible
but in 89 I got busted and I ended up in
isolation security housing unit Shu
infamous and there I woke up there I
woke up and realized what my life my
decisions what they had cost not just
life damage my family the families of
the murder victims my my son my mom I
saw everything that it had cost me and I
asked please please take me out of here
and I meant it
I meant it and I didn’t mean the prison
I meant life or show me show me away
nothing happened I mean I woke up the
next morning okay I knew you didn’t
exist but when I got out things started
to happen immediately I met a woman who
was very involved in
an organization of addicts who help one
another they remain anonymous and I will
leave it at that and I started to see
things a little bit differently I had to
make a choice because now I wasn’t just
floating along anymore
I had floated along since I was since I
was 14 years old now I had to make a
choice did I really want to be here
because I understood now life meant life
I was never ever going to walk out of
this prison cop killers don’t get parole
that’s it so if I was gonna choose to
hang around I had to make that decision
I had to find something else so I
stopped looking at just me poor me
and I started to see around me I started
to take a real look at the women around
me these were cast offs they were the
unwanted the undesirables the screw-ups
but within these women there was a
strength there was empathy there was
compassion there was very special stuff
and so I started investing where I found
myself I started helping them to write
letters many couldn’t read or write I
helped them to write writs help them
with their kids because they’re more or
less when you go to prison you lose your
children that’s it so a lot of women
tried to get their kids back I helped
them to write to the courts we had a
group called the women’s Advisory
Council which was a group of women five
women who represented the prisoners to
the administration it fell to these
women to take the complaints and the
wishes of the population which was now
up to 2500 and
take them further to the prison
administration and the leader the
president was voted on by all of the
prisoners now we’re talking about all
ethnicities black white Mexican Asians
everybody we’re talking about gangs who
look at each other want to kill each
other
whom they try to keep separated but all
of these people have to come together to
elect somebody to represent them and
that person ended up being me talk about
trust talk about faith in somebody this
was huge to have all of these people of
all of these groups all of these gangs
the neck ethnicity but they gave me
their trust that was big that showed me
possibilities it also taught me a lot
about diplomacy negotiation compromising
when you have 2,500 prisoners on this
side that wants something and in a
prison administration on this side that
wants to give nothing and you’re in the
middle you learn how to communicate you
learn how to fight and you learn which
battles to fight so I continued in that
mode I found my place my space I made a
choice to go forward to live to invest
in my community where I was under these
during these years I also grew a family
family doesn’t have to mean blood family
are those who love you families
that’s who stands by your side when all
else fails family is the one that picks
you up when you’re sitting on the floor
crying and these women became my family
a group of about 20 I asked for parole a
number of
times but the last time was the hardest
in the United States the process is that
the victims next of kin take an active
part in the parole process they get to
come they get to witness the execution
if there is one and they also get to
partake in the parole process so this
police officers wife had always been
there in the past but this time it was
his daughter his daughter was 10 when he
died same age as my son at that time and
now it was her turn and that hearing is
one I will never forget it ripped my
heart out to have to listen to her pain
and her anger of what she felt about me
asking for parole before I went in I was
told that I had next-of-kin there but I
was not to even turn one eyelash in
their direction and if I did I would be
dragged out and locked up in the shoe
when this woman shared her anger her
anguish and her pain all she saw was a
woman who refused to even turn her face
to even give her the most foundational
the most basic eye contact face could
not contact when you’re speaking to
someone so what she took was that I was
just this cold uncaring person but she
didn’t see after she left I couldn’t
stand i they had to support me to get me
out of that room it took everything out
of me to take in all of her pain I
really didn’t know if I wanted to
continue I was really at a crossroads
and I think I would have gave it up then
and there but but then came the next
chapter I think the next picture is that
is myself that was my world but there
you see what saved my life because I
found out that we were going to be
training dogs for handicapped people in
wheelchairs and I immediately signed up
20 people 20 women out of over 2,000
we’re gonna be chosen and I was lucky
enough to be a part of it that is Aspen
a white poodle who was my first and I
think if it hadn’t been for the dogs
coming in if Aspen hadn’t done come into
my life yet at that time
I’m not used to doing this in English I
think I would have given up but you see
there there’s not much there I mean that
is the world we lived we lived triple
decker Aspen lived under the bed then it
was me and then it was my my roommate
and you’re very close when you’re
sitting on the toilet believe me you’re
like this close but Aspen graduated
eventually he had to leave and you know
I fell in love with every one of them I
trained a whole bunch of dogs they came
in about four months old and they left
eight nine months old or a year
sometimes they learned over 50 commands
take off clothes get stuff out of the
refrigerator pick up things they could
pick up a mint from the ground they were
incredible but there is again that was
his person that’s what he graduated to
do and knowing that gave me a purpose it
gave me a will it gave me strength so I
can say that dogs
saved my life absolutely it gave me a
reason to put my feet on the floor one
more day and today I got out in 2009 my
transfer to Sweden was approved in 2011
I was granted complete freedom from the
Department of Corrections I wasn’t
really sure what I was going to do I was
now 60 years old I hadn’t had a job
I mean who’s gonna hire a 60 year old
you know
yeah ex-con very scary but I had friends
I had people I had people in my corner
we cannot do this journey alone I
couldn’t do it without my family in
prison and I couldn’t have done it
without the friends that I had out here
so I wrote my story I wrote a book and
the rest as they say is history
then I began to get requests for
speaking gigs and whatever but I had no
idea what I was gonna do how do you
begin life again I hadn’t seen a cell
phone
I had never held a cell phone Google I
didn’t know what that was internet
didn’t know so I mean I felt like
cro-magnon who just woke up in the 20th
century but today today and my journey
is long from over I hope that’s my angel
that’s my very own that’s Tasha and my
house I picked her up in September 2011
a little puppy eight weeks old I never
have to give her back I never have to
let go of her she will be mine forever
of course you can’t own your best friend
but she will share life with me not only
that but she had puppies last May and I
kept one of the puppies so I now have –
life is a journey and my journey has
in very very crooked but you know as
Oscar said it would be very dull if it
was just like this you know it’s the
valleys that make me appreciate the
highs it’s the darkness that has made me
see the beauty of light it’s the not
having that makes me so grateful for all
the little things I can stop in the
middle of a street or wherever I am turn
around in a circle and just go wow thank
you thank you for the gifts you know we
we had way over time okay but life is a
journey and mine isn’t over yet I hope
to have many more chapters and I hope
that you who are the future you who are
the dreamers you who are the possibility
makers take strength take love take
energy and run with it and change the
world thank you
[Applause]
somewhere okay good thank you
you know when I got this mail and I
checked out what is it and I wanted to
know what what do you want me to talk
about and they said it’s it’s open
whatever I thought oh wow you know they
always want to hear the whole life story
and uh you know I want to talk about
global warming I mean see I want to talk
about Trump’s idiocy and I want to talk
about animals and what they mean I mean
it was just so much but I had to come
down a little bit uh I want to talk
about a journey you know we all have our
own journeys and mine began when I was
between 10 and 11 my mom married an
American and we moved to the United
States
that wasn’t my wish that wasn’t my
choice and and I was 13 I was tired of
my stepfather and I left home I ran away
when I was 14 I was a total heroin
addict when I was 16 I gave birth to my
son at home because I was so afraid that
if I went into a hospital and they saw
the marks on my arms that they were
going to take the baby away from me even
though I had cleaned up when I was 26 I
got involved with a guy and a dealer and
the whole story of that ended with a
robbery gone very very bad a murder
leaving that sight and subsequently a
police officer getting shot so not one
but two murders within the space of 24
hours that was my journey and the end of
my life as I knew it and I really
thought the end of my life because at
that point I was very dedicated to
taking my own life number one because of
what I had seen to watch a person die
in front of your eyes and knowing that
you had a part in that no I didn’t hold
the gun but my lifestyle my choices put
both of those people where they were
that is definitely a life altering event
and I couldn’t handle it and I also knew
that my life was over and I was waiting
the death penalty I spent two and a half
years awaiting my sentencing but those
two and a half years I spent actually on
death row in California because it was
taken for granted that I was going to
end up there anyway so two and a half
years of isolation and I’m talking now
about a cell with no mattress no bedding
no radio no TV no books no paper nothing
me the walls my own head what do you do
you go a little crazy you learn a lot
about yourself so I had a lot of time to
think eventually I worked my way up to
one piece of paper and a half of a
pencil was broken off and I started to
write I had a black widow who lived in
the corner of my window was a window
with bars and I had about this much
space between each bar and she lived
right in the corner there was no screen
and I called her Charlotte of course
what else Charlotte’s Web I know I’m old
and me and Charlotte had conversations
eventually my neighbor and I discovered
that if we reached way out we could
touch fingers and we could with that
method
pass little notes because we were not
allowed to talk to each other and
through the doors or through the bars on
the front side so we would pass notes
but there was Charlotte in the corner
exactly where my hand was gonna go where
my arm was gonna go so I talked to
Charlotte I said look we got to do this
don’t bite okay Charlotte said okay give
me a fly so I gave her a fly and then I
watched her eat up that fly that was
fascinating two and a half years I
didn’t I started to write that’s where I
was going with this and in the beginning
it was just like one meaning the grass
smelled good this morning when they cut
it I wonder if it would still smell that
way in the morning
question mark and every day I wrote a
meaning and that meaning had a question
mark so as long as I could find
something to put a question mark with it
was okay that was not the day for me to
end it all and believe me you can get
very creative when you decide to end it
all you don’t need a whole lot of
equipment so two and a half years past
eventually the highest court in the land
decided that if you hadn’t actually
personally killed anyone then you
couldn’t get the death penalty so I was
out from under along comes a plea
bargain and a deal my sentence was going
to be 25 to life if you’re good you can
get paroled in 12 and a half years said
my attorney okay so I signed the paper
and my time started the bigger prison
now this was a place built for 950 women
but eventually it would be almost three
thousand can you put up the first back
that was my world
for 28 years
so I started my time I learned something
very early on I thought I knew the
streets
I mean I’d been a junkie I’d been out in
San Francisco streets I mean I was like
I was down as cool I knew I knew the
game I didn’t know I got there and
I had to learn all over again a good
friend said to me see everything here
everything say nothing that’s what I
followed all those years in 1985 my son
was killed in a car accident my drunk
driver
his father died the same day of a heart
attack when he found out that our son
was dead at that point I picked up the
only thing I knew could ease it a little
bit heroin there’s a lot of it there’s a
lot of it in prisons and until 1989 I
used heroin in prison yes it’s possible
but in 89 I got busted and I ended up in
isolation security housing unit Shu
infamous and there I woke up there I
woke up and realized what my life my
decisions what they had cost not just
life damage my family the families of
the murder victims my my son my mom I
saw everything that it had cost me and I
asked please please take me out of here
and I meant it
I meant it and I didn’t mean the prison
I meant life or show me show me away
nothing happened I mean I woke up the
next morning okay I knew you didn’t
exist but when I got out things started
to happen immediately I met a woman who
was very involved in
an organization of addicts who help one
another they remain anonymous and I will
leave it at that and I started to see
things a little bit differently I had to
make a choice because now I wasn’t just
floating along anymore
I had floated along since I was since I
was 14 years old now I had to make a
choice did I really want to be here
because I understood now life meant life
I was never ever going to walk out of
this prison cop killers don’t get parole
that’s it so if I was gonna choose to
hang around I had to make that decision
I had to find something else so I
stopped looking at just me poor me
and I started to see around me I started
to take a real look at the women around
me these were cast offs they were the
unwanted the undesirables the screw-ups
but within these women there was a
strength there was empathy there was
compassion there was very special stuff
and so I started investing where I found
myself I started helping them to write
letters many couldn’t read or write I
helped them to write writs help them
with their kids because they’re more or
less when you go to prison you lose your
children that’s it so a lot of women
tried to get their kids back I helped
them to write to the courts we had a
group called the women’s Advisory
Council which was a group of women five
women who represented the prisoners to
the administration it fell to these
women to take the complaints and the
wishes of the population which was now
up to 2500 and
take them further to the prison
administration and the leader the
president was voted on by all of the
prisoners now we’re talking about all
ethnicities black white Mexican Asians
everybody we’re talking about gangs who
look at each other want to kill each
other
whom they try to keep separated but all
of these people have to come together to
elect somebody to represent them and
that person ended up being me talk about
trust talk about faith in somebody this
was huge to have all of these people of
all of these groups all of these gangs
the neck ethnicity but they gave me
their trust that was big that showed me
possibilities it also taught me a lot
about diplomacy negotiation compromising
when you have 2,500 prisoners on this
side that wants something and in a
prison administration on this side that
wants to give nothing and you’re in the
middle you learn how to communicate you
learn how to fight and you learn which
battles to fight so I continued in that
mode I found my place my space I made a
choice to go forward to live to invest
in my community where I was under these
during these years I also grew a family
family doesn’t have to mean blood family
are those who love you families
that’s who stands by your side when all
else fails family is the one that picks
you up when you’re sitting on the floor
crying and these women became my family
a group of about 20 I asked for parole a
number of
times but the last time was the hardest
in the United States the process is that
the victims next of kin take an active
part in the parole process they get to
come they get to witness the execution
if there is one and they also get to
partake in the parole process so this
police officers wife had always been
there in the past but this time it was
his daughter his daughter was 10 when he
died same age as my son at that time and
now it was her turn and that hearing is
one I will never forget it ripped my
heart out to have to listen to her pain
and her anger of what she felt about me
asking for parole before I went in I was
told that I had next-of-kin there but I
was not to even turn one eyelash in
their direction and if I did I would be
dragged out and locked up in the shoe
when this woman shared her anger her
anguish and her pain all she saw was a
woman who refused to even turn her face
to even give her the most foundational
the most basic eye contact face could
not contact when you’re speaking to
someone so what she took was that I was
just this cold uncaring person but she
didn’t see after she left I couldn’t
stand i they had to support me to get me
out of that room it took everything out
of me to take in all of her pain I
really didn’t know if I wanted to
continue I was really at a crossroads
and I think I would have gave it up then
and there but but then came the next
chapter I think the next picture is that
is myself that was my world but there
you see what saved my life because I
found out that we were going to be
training dogs for handicapped people in
wheelchairs and I immediately signed up
20 people 20 women out of over 2,000
we’re gonna be chosen and I was lucky
enough to be a part of it that is Aspen
a white poodle who was my first and I
think if it hadn’t been for the dogs
coming in if Aspen hadn’t done come into
my life yet at that time
I’m not used to doing this in English I
think I would have given up but you see
there there’s not much there I mean that
is the world we lived we lived triple
decker Aspen lived under the bed then it
was me and then it was my my roommate
and you’re very close when you’re
sitting on the toilet believe me you’re
like this close but Aspen graduated
eventually he had to leave and you know
I fell in love with every one of them I
trained a whole bunch of dogs they came
in about four months old and they left
eight nine months old or a year
sometimes they learned over 50 commands
take off clothes get stuff out of the
refrigerator pick up things they could
pick up a mint from the ground they were
incredible but there is again that was
his person that’s what he graduated to
do and knowing that gave me a purpose it
gave me a will it gave me strength so I
can say that dogs
saved my life absolutely it gave me a
reason to put my feet on the floor one
more day and today I got out in 2009 my
transfer to Sweden was approved in 2011
I was granted complete freedom from the
Department of Corrections I wasn’t
really sure what I was going to do I was
now 60 years old I hadn’t had a job
I mean who’s gonna hire a 60 year old
you know
yeah ex-con very scary but I had friends
I had people I had people in my corner
we cannot do this journey alone I
couldn’t do it without my family in
prison and I couldn’t have done it
without the friends that I had out here
so I wrote my story I wrote a book and
the rest as they say is history
then I began to get requests for
speaking gigs and whatever but I had no
idea what I was gonna do how do you
begin life again I hadn’t seen a cell
phone
I had never held a cell phone Google I
didn’t know what that was internet
didn’t know so I mean I felt like
cro-magnon who just woke up in the 20th
century but today today and my journey
is long from over I hope that’s my angel
that’s my very own that’s Tasha and my
house I picked her up in September 2011
a little puppy eight weeks old I never
have to give her back I never have to
let go of her she will be mine forever
of course you can’t own your best friend
but she will share life with me not only
that but she had puppies last May and I
kept one of the puppies so I now have –
life is a journey and my journey has
in very very crooked but you know as
Oscar said it would be very dull if it
was just like this you know it’s the
valleys that make me appreciate the
highs it’s the darkness that has made me
see the beauty of light it’s the not
having that makes me so grateful for all
the little things I can stop in the
middle of a street or wherever I am turn
around in a circle and just go wow thank
you thank you for the gifts you know we
we had way over time okay but life is a
journey and mine isn’t over yet I hope
to have many more chapters and I hope
that you who are the future you who are
the dreamers you who are the possibility
makers take strength take love take
energy and run with it and change the
world thank you
[Applause]
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